Responding to Alex Hormozi’s Hot Take on Having Kids
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NewsTranscript
00:00Alright John, I want to show you something my friend Alex Ramosi, very popular, he had
00:09a hot take on our next topic, so I'm going to let you watch it first and then I'll throw
00:15an opinion at you.
00:16I was having a conversation with a famous YouTuber who is known for sacrificing all
00:20of his time and doing everything like monk mode, no girlfriend, and he called me up and
00:24he was like, you can maintain your muscle mass without working out that much, why do
00:28you work out so much?
00:29Shouldn't you be taking all that extra time and working more on getting to a billion dollars?
00:33The answer is no.
00:35Under that same assumption, okay, well then having kids is something that's going to make
00:38you poorer, but with most people, if you have kids, you make more money.
00:41Part of that is because you have more mouths to feed, so you force yourself to make more
00:44money.
00:45The other reason is that if you think all the way at the top of the wealth pyramid,
00:48look at Bezos, look at Musk, look at Bill Gates, look at Warren Buffet, every single
00:52one of them not only have one kid but multiple children.
00:54If it were true that having kids or working out were something that were going to cost
00:58you wealth in the long term, then the people who are at the top of the pyramid wouldn't
01:01have those things, which means the premise is false.
01:04You do have to work to a certain point, and then after you have a certain amount of work
01:08that you are able to put in, the leverage or how much you get out of the work that you
01:12put in becomes the big multiplier.
01:14Fascinating.
01:15Amen, Alex.
01:16Amen.
01:17So the birth rate is the lowest it's ever been.
01:22It's plummeting.
01:23It's plummeting.
01:24And so here's Alex taking a hot take.
01:25I did some research.
01:27There's not a clear study that would support what he says.
01:31However—
01:32That study exists for marriage, though.
01:33I know.
01:34It's absolutely right in marriage.
01:35But I think—and so that's the correlation.
01:38Can we make the statement that, hey, a lot of young people right now that are trying to
01:42get rich and get wealthy, and they're putting off marriage, they're putting off having children,
01:48maybe they should rethink that?
01:501,000%.
01:52Here's my most eye-opening, oh my gosh, they're right, is exactly what he said.
02:00My biggest aha moment of studying marriage over the last year has been—let me back
02:06up.
02:07So working at universities, everybody's real smart, and they get PhDs in these things,
02:10and they study one sliver of a thing forever.
02:12That's what they know.
02:13And they know everything about that thing.
02:16And I found—I remember I was at a place, at a party one time, whatever, and I was asking
02:19somebody, like, what do you think about this?
02:20What do you think about this?
02:21And I think the thing I asked was about DEET, bug spray, because it's a neurotoxin, it'll
02:25kill you, whatever.
02:26Like, hey, physician, ex-researcher, do you—what do you think about DEET, bug spray?
02:33Oh, it's this and this, it's a neurotoxin, it melts this, and here's how it works in
02:37your brain, and all this stuff.
02:39Well, then a couple of months later, we were at a party, and I saw her spraying her kids.
02:45And I was like, ah.
02:48That's what you believe about bug spray.
02:51And so I've just stopped asking people what they think, I've started asking, hey, what
02:54do you do with your kids?
02:55Because that tells me what you really think about it, what you really believe about it.
02:58Or, hey, what are you doing with your life?
03:00So if you go look at most wealthy people, strata-wise, they are married.
03:07And if you dig into the data, the single most decision, the most important decision you
03:11can make is who you marry.
03:13Correct.
03:14And if you marry well, and you work really hard at it, there will be—it is a compound
03:20interest multiplier that you can't fathom.
03:22That's right.
03:23And let me tell you, the least important compound interest multiplier is your net worth.
03:28Who freaking cares?
03:30If you have a ride or die, and you all get through life, and it's awesome.
03:34Here's the thing.
03:35We try to—dude, now I get all passionate about this one.
03:37No, I love it.
03:38And I got to jump in real quick, because you and I have looked at this, we were talking
03:40about this the other day.
03:41In that room, we had a whiteboard, and you were whiteboarding.
03:46It's undeniable that you're healthier.
03:49And then your life is better.
03:50And so that's wealth.
03:51And especially men.
03:52Yeah.
03:53So forget net worth.
03:54Men live longer.
03:55I want to know how healthy I am.
03:56Oh, my gosh.
03:57Because that's my wealth.
03:58Everything about you is better.
03:59But here's the problem.
04:00My grandparents got married right before World War II, and then World War II set off.
04:05My granddad went off—I think he was in the Pacific—fighting Nazis, fighting bad guys,
04:10right?
04:11Then they had four kids, and they had to survive, and then he came back and went to college,
04:15got an engineering degree, did all this stuff.
04:18And then when he died, at 73 years of marriage, I think, my grandmother died shortly thereafter,
04:25and we had some good, fun conversations.
04:27She was a riot.
04:30But she lost a lung.
04:32She lost an arm and a leg.
04:34They were one.
04:37After 74, 73 years together, they became soulmates.
04:44And now we try to reverse engineer it and pick the soulmate on the front end, and then
04:49after four years, I don't feel in love anymore, or I'm not feeling attracted to you.
04:54It's so foolish and stupid.
04:57When you're in a trench, I don't care how you feel, bro.
04:59We got to dig out of this hole we're in.
05:01We're married now.
05:02We have a mouth to feed.
05:03We got two mouths to feed, right?
05:05And so you can't reverse engineer it.
05:08You have to look at somebody.
05:10And I don't want to oversimplify it, but it's this easy.
05:16You and me, when we decide for the rest of our lives that I'll wake up and decide, how
05:19can I make your day, how can I make your life as good as possible, will you commit to doing
05:23that with me?
05:24And if we do that together for the rest of our lives, we're going to create something
05:28extraordinary.
05:29That's right.
05:30And by the way, it's not going to be pain-free, no life is, but when the storms hit, we've
05:36got each other.
05:37When your mom gets cancer, when my dad passes away, when we both lose our jobs, when 2008
05:42happens again, which it will, and our houses get taken from us, we will be all the way
05:46in on the boat.
05:47So he is 100% right.
05:48The wealthiest of the wealthies still get married and they still hang in there and they
05:53still figure it out.
05:54Well, I think he's right because you know this, parenting reveals a level of strength
06:01that you previously have not experienced.
06:04And you got to come home.
06:06You got to come home from the disco.
06:07Right.
06:08But you know what I'm saying?
06:09Marriage is one thing.
06:10Yes.
06:11Marriage, it's a different animal in the sense of, I always felt responsibility to provide
06:17for Stacey and give her a great life and I want to make her happy, right?
06:21But there's this baton that you start thinking about.
06:24I'm not passing a baton to Stacey, I'm passing a baton to my kids.
06:28It's a different thing.
06:29Oh man.
06:30But I think it gives you a level of strength and fortitude, tenacity when you got mouths
06:38that are relying on you and then a future.
06:41Yes.
06:42Do you know what I mean?
06:43Dude, this is...
06:44I had Josie for two hours in my arms.
06:46True story.
06:47Two hours.
06:48She's two hours old and I'm holding her in the hospital and I literally, no one else
06:52was around me and I literally had a thought, I wonder what weddings are going to cost when
06:55she's...
06:56Yeah.
06:58Now again, neurotic, yeah, sure.
07:01Unhealthy, I'm sure.
07:03No.
07:04Unnecessary, sure.
07:05No.
07:06But reality?
07:07Yep.
07:08Absolutely.
07:09That's what I mean.
07:10There is a heightened alert that comes on you when you're a parent, so I think Alex
07:13is absolutely right.
07:14I mean, it's just flat out.
07:15There's some responsibility that you get that you go, I got to step up.
07:20I know and dude, it's like the current world we have, I love how you said step up.
07:27It's like getting a squat rack and when you get under a squat bar and you're married,
07:32you look at somebody and you go ride or die, me and you.
07:34I do.
07:35I'm telling my family, I'm telling you, I'm telling God, you're my person.
07:40That weight goes, it's heavy.
07:44And then you put kids in there, it gets real heavy, but that also means you get real strong.
07:49And sometimes you fall and you get hurt, but you get real strong.
07:53Right now we have this insanity that the most important thing is net worth, job title,
07:59and then everything else that comes after it.
08:01Work should be in service to this thing that matters.
08:04And so you have a bunch of folks that have a bunch of commas and zeros in their checking
08:09account.
08:10They have no strength.
08:11They've never been under the squat rack of responsibility and that's where life is.
08:18You know what I'm saying?
08:19Oh yeah.
08:20I mean, dude, that's absolutely right.
08:21I mean, this idea that every human, I think, needs to feel, I don't want to be insensitive
08:27here because I know there are people that are watching this that are single and may
08:30never have kids, but I do think there is something special about feeling the primal protection.
08:35Well, you can feel it with adoption.
08:38You can feel it with...
08:39That's right.
08:40You can feel it with your own kid.
08:41You can, but it's about being in service to...
08:44That's right.
08:45Instead of about being a net drain on.
08:47Isn't that...
08:48It's so true.
08:49Dude, I remember, there's another hot take and you may disagree with me on this.
08:53I remember watching that amazing ESPN documentary on the Bulls with Jordan, right?
08:58But I remember there was a scene with him.
09:00It's haunted me.
09:01He's in that hotel room smoking a cigar, laying on the couch and there's a cameraman and down
09:09below in the lobby, it's packed with people and he looks at him and he goes, you don't
09:13want to be me.
09:15And I remember thinking, oh, that guy can't go to the bathroom.
09:19That guy has no human interaction unless the person is on his payroll.
09:23He has no friends.
09:26Nobody he meets who says, I want to marry you.
09:29He'll never be able to sleep at night thinking, is this pure or not?
09:34And then I kept seeing those like five or six pieces of cloth hanging in the rafters
09:38of a gym and I kept asking myself two words, a two word question, for what?
09:44You gave up your whole life for what?
09:47Shiny stuff, cool.
09:49Like for glory, we all end up in the same box, man.
09:54We just end up in the same hole in the ground.
09:55Like for what?
09:57And so when I hear these, and it's for the chance to be great, fine, good, that's a whole
10:02other conversation.
10:03But when I talk to 25 year olds, 27 year olds, and it's like, no, no, no, no, dude, I gotta
10:08make this and I gotta go get this.
10:10And I always ask for what?
10:13Well, that brings up an interesting point.
10:17It's not that I disagree with you.
10:20I think that's the right question.
10:22But I also say in Michael Jordan's case, let's say that he didn't have friends and he was
10:27divorced and all that stuff.
10:29But that's like saying that you can't be super successful in your profession, in your calling,
10:36and not be super successful in your home.
10:38And I think that's the question.
10:41What's the balance?
10:42Let's say a healthy Michael Jordan, my hot take is a healthy Michael Jordan, or a Michael
10:48Jordan who says, marriage is forever.
10:53Till death do us part.
10:56So I'm the richest guy, richest athlete in the world, the most famous athlete in the
10:59world, and I can get the best counselors.
11:02And I can also say to the Bulls, I'm not going to play in the Olympics this year, because
11:06I say to the Olympic committee, I'm going to go be with my wife.
11:09And we're going to work on our marriage.
11:11So I agree that it's for what, but I also would say Michael Jordan represents one of
11:18the all time greats who had a burning desire because he was overlooked.
11:24So if we started off a conversation with Michael Jordan, like we did with you, what drives
11:29you?
11:30Well, what drove Michael Jordan?
11:32Well, he's not talked a lot about his relationship with his father, other than it was good.
11:36But then we don't know 100% what's going on.
11:39There's a guy that's got a great gift, but he also has tremendous drive.
11:45Somewhere though, it didn't exist.
11:47Roy Williams, who was an assistant coach at North Carolina under Dean Smith has said publicly,
11:52he used to get on Jordan for not working hard enough in practice.
11:56Somewhere something changed because everybody who talks about the Bulls team said he outworked
12:00us all.
12:02All I'm saying is, is that we have to be able to bear the responsibility, the burden of
12:08this calling.
12:09Whatever that is.
12:10If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, awesome.
12:13But ask the question, for what?
12:15For what?
12:16And if it's about the contribution-
12:17There you go.
12:18If it's for glory, I'm going to tell you, it's going to be a vapor.
12:23And that's what goes back to, I'm busier now, but I'm not in service to this nine-year-old
12:28boy who's still saying, am I loved, am I loved, am I loved?
12:31For the first time after some good therapy, when my wife says, hey, I want you, I believe
12:37her.
12:38I believe God loves me.
12:39I believe my dad's proud of me, even if he didn't say it in this magical kumbaya way
12:42that I wish he'd said it.
12:43That's right.
12:44I believe he does.
12:45And so now I can work even more hard.
12:47I can go even, I can go further, I can go faster because they're in service to something
12:52bigger than me.
12:53That's right.
12:54Right?
12:55Which is awesome.
12:56That's right.