TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 8 January 1964
After a few horoscope predictions come true, Patty sees this as an opportunity to make a few quick bucks to help buy a birthday present for her mom. As business booms, she enlists Cathy to "double" their profits.
Director: Alan Rafkin
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
After a few horoscope predictions come true, Patty sees this as an opportunity to make a few quick bucks to help buy a birthday present for her mom. As business booms, she enlists Cathy to "double" their profits.
Director: Alan Rafkin
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Have you thought about what I asked you, Cousin?
00:08Yes, Cousin.
00:09And the answer is no.
00:11It is more blessed to give than to receive.
00:14I only need five dollars.
00:16Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
00:18Five dollars is a lot of money, Patty.
00:21It's Mom's birthday Saturday and I haven't got a dime.
00:23Do you know how the family is about us buying birthday presents with our own money?
00:27Why did you spend the money on that sweater?
00:29I never could resist bulky nets.
00:31Pat?
00:32Pat?
00:33Sorry.
00:39Good morning, Aunt Natalie, Uncle Martin, Russ.
00:42Good morning, dear.
00:43Good morning, Kathy.
00:44Patty?
00:45Hi, girl.
00:47Listen to your horoscope, Patty.
00:49It says you're wicked, stubborn, and hate animals and children.
00:52It does not.
00:53Let me see that.
00:55Where did you get this?
00:59I traded it for two comic books.
01:02You got taken.
01:03Listen to what it says about you, Papa.
01:07You're a Virgo.
01:08I am?
01:09You're incompatible with Sagittarius, Gemini, and Pisces.
01:13Mom, you were born...
01:14I'm a Pisces.
01:15Now she tells us.
01:17And all these years we thought we were happily married.
01:20According to the stars, we were miserable and didn't even know it.
01:24Well, I'm gonna get going.
01:25I have an editorial meeting this morning.
01:27Today's the 16th.
01:28It says here Virgos mustn't drive today, not before 5 o'clock.
01:32Yeah, I'm sorry.
01:33I'm afraid the meeting won't wait that long.
01:35And even us Virgos have to make a living.
01:37Bye-bye.
01:38Bye, dear.
01:39Bye, Dad.
01:41Listen to this.
01:43Because of the conjunction of Uranus and Venus in the early hours of the day,
01:47care should be taken to avoid automobile accidents.
01:50That's a lot of silly superstition.
01:53Honk, honk.
02:13Meat caddies live close to everywhere
02:17from Zanzibar to Berkeley Square.
02:20But Catty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
02:24What a crazy pair!
02:26But they're cousins
02:29Identical cousins all the way
02:33One pair of matching bookends
02:36Different as night and day
02:39Where Cathy adores a minuet
02:42The Ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette
02:45Our Catty loves to rock and roll
02:47A hot dog makes her lose control
02:49What a wild duet!
02:51Still they're cousins
02:54Identical cousins and you find
02:58They laugh alike, they walk alike
03:00At times they even talk alike
03:02You can lose your mind
03:04When cousins
03:06Are two of a kind!
03:10Does that feel better, darling?
03:19Natalie, I wish you'd stop making a fuss over me
03:22I mean, it's just a little bump
03:26That idiot pulled out from the curb without even looking
03:29And he dented the whole side
03:31Oh, can I see?
03:33The side of my car
03:35Perhaps you shouldn't go to the office today, Martin
03:38Of course I'm going to the office today
03:40Papa, it says here that...
03:42I don't want to hear it
03:44It really seemed to work, it warned you
03:46Now don't start that again
03:48It's a lot of superstitious nonsense
03:50That's just what I was saying
03:52But be extra careful today, will you, Martin?
03:56Ugh!
04:01Wouldn't it be wild if this really worked?
04:04Don't you think that if the people who wrote these books
04:06Knew everything that was going to happen
04:08They wouldn't have to write these books?
04:10Excuse me
04:12Hey, I'm taking a history test today
04:14Would that thing tell me whether I'd pass or not?
04:16How do I know? I don't do this for a living, I just...
04:19I've got an idea how to get Mom's birthday present
04:29You're not really serious about this, are you, Patty?
04:31Of course I am
04:33Everybody's interested in astrology
04:35There's a fortune in fortune-telling
04:37But you're not a fortune-teller
04:39I am with the help of this book
04:41You're not a fortune-teller
04:43I am with the help of this book
04:45You're not a fortune-teller
04:47I am with this book
04:49And who's going to pay you for a reading?
04:51I'll show you, cousin
04:53Here's my first customer
04:55Susan?
04:56When did we go to her birthday party?
04:58November
05:00Right, November 3rd
05:02She's a...
05:04She's a Scorpio
05:08Boy, is she in trouble
05:11Hi, Patty
05:12Hi, Kathy
05:13Are things better between you and Alan?
05:16He's been talking to you
05:17That rat!
05:18And they say girls can't keep a secret
05:20He hasn't talked to me
05:21I haven't seen him in a week
05:23Then who told you?
05:25How are you feeling?
05:26How did you know I had a sore throat?
05:29Mercury is very strong this month
05:31You have to watch your health
05:32By the way, why don't you wear your new dress tomorrow?
05:35You're going to meet a dreamboat
05:36I am?
05:37Well, how do you know?
05:40Sorry, I have to go now
05:41Hey, wait a minute
05:42If you want a reading, I'm available every day, 4 to 6, 25 cents
05:45Bye
05:48Hey, what's with her?
05:50I'm not sure
05:51But I think she's planning to replace Nostradamus
06:01Boy, the Gemini's in trouble
06:05What are you doing?
06:07Playing polo
06:09Where'd you get all these books and charts?
06:11From the library
06:14Do you know?
06:15I memorized the whole Zodiac chart
06:20I need some advice
06:22From your sister or from the stars?
06:23From the stars
06:25That'll cost you 25 cents
06:27Oh boy, you fortune tellers are murder
06:31Okay
06:33What's the problem?
06:34Well, I'm going out for Little League baseball
06:37There are only two positions left open
06:39Pitcher and catcher
06:40Pitcher and catcher
06:41I was going out for pitcher
06:42But Scotty Sheldon's going out for that
06:44He's pretty tough competition
06:46So you're asking the stars if you should try for pitcher or catcher
06:49Alright
06:50You're Taurus
06:51Taurus?
06:52The bull
06:53Is that good or bad?
06:59Here we are
07:00Taurus
07:01You are sophisticated, a good administrator
07:04And have inflexibility of purpose
07:06Gee, that sounds like I'd make a great pitcher
07:09You are a faithful husband but there is violence in you
07:12All I asked was whether I should pitch or catch
07:15When do you have to make your decision?
07:16Friday
07:17Friday
07:19That's a 19
07:21Taurus, the 19
07:23You are standing at the crossroads
07:25That's me, alright
07:30But don't be swayed by deceptive influences
07:33Strike out with all your might
07:35Strike out
07:36Sounds like you're going to be a pitcher
07:37Gee, I don't know how to thank you Patty
07:39You're a satisfied customer?
07:41Send your friends around
07:42Bye
07:46Hi Patty
07:47Are you busy?
07:49Hi Sue
07:50What are you doing here?
07:51Sit down
07:56Can you really read fortunes?
07:58So far I saved one man's life and another man's career
08:04Tell me your problem
08:06Well
08:07Don't be nervous
08:08Stars and I are your friends
08:12Alan and I have been going together for six months see
08:14And last week I found out while I was at my aunt's house
08:17He was out someplace else doing something else
08:19And I don't know what it was
08:23Anybody home?
08:24In here Martin
08:26Are you feeling better darling?
08:29If you're referring to that little bump on the head this morning
08:32It was nothing
08:36Hello?
08:38Who?
08:40I don't know just a minute
08:42Is Richard here?
08:43He's upstairs with Patty
08:45Yeah just a minute I'll
08:48Oh hello Richard
08:49This call is for you
08:52Don't mention it
08:55You know those kids are never off of that phone
08:57I tried to call here for two hours this afternoon
09:00I told Fran about your accident this morning
09:03And she said that a fortune teller told her not to take a train
09:06And the next day there was a terrible train accident
09:10Natalie coincidence has happened a dozen times a minute
09:13I know
09:15Still
09:17It was odd
09:18Boy you sure are lucky to have a daughter like Patty
09:21With her advising you nothing can go wrong
09:24Well got to go
09:26Richard just a minute
09:28Did Patty read your horoscope?
09:30Did she?
09:31She's incredible
09:32She told me an aunt of mine from the north
09:34Would be coming to visit me to give me some money
09:38And you really believe it?
09:39Well I
09:40Richard
09:42Does it seem even remotely logical to you
09:45That dead pieces of matter floating around in space
09:48Millions of light years away from the earth
09:50Could possibly have any effect on your daily activities?
09:53Well I
09:54Use your common sense
09:55Now listen
09:56If what Patty told you was true
09:58That would mean that all the thousands of people
10:00Who were born at the same time as you
10:02Would now be rushing home
10:04Because a rich aunt from the north
10:05Was coming down to bring them some money
10:07Well
10:08Now doesn't that seem ridiculous?
10:10Certainly sounds ridiculous
10:13Well got to run
10:14Mom just called to say that my rich aunt
10:16Just got in from Canada
10:17And she wants to see me right away
10:19Bye
10:25Bye
10:35You know Patty is just amazing
10:37This is my third reading
10:39She told me I was going to meet this dream book
10:42And I did
10:43Well now I stop seeing Alan
10:45I was going to be a nurse
10:46But not anymore
10:47My stars say I'm going to be a model
10:52You can go in now
10:54Did she tell you anything?
10:55She just changed my whole life
10:57What'd she say?
10:59Well you know how everyone laughs at me
11:01Because I'm so clumsy
11:02And I'm always dropping things
11:03Yeah
11:04Patty says I'm going to be a brain surgeon
11:18What's going on here?
11:19Oh we're waiting for Patty
11:22You mean you're all lined up here
11:24To see the soothsayer of Brooklyn Heights?
11:28She's in her salon
11:29Her
11:34Scorpios face a restless week
11:36Under the influence of Neptune
11:38The only place in the world
11:40Where things are good for Scorpios
11:42Is Australia
11:45If you can't go there
11:46The next best thing is to stay in your room
11:48I will, I will
11:52I have a patient
11:54Forgive me for interrupting
11:57I'd like to speak to you
11:59If the stars don't mind
12:01Would you excuse me please Phyllis?
12:03Sure
12:05Phyllis
12:09Thank you
12:13Goodbye
12:14Bye
12:15Goodbye
12:20Patty are you taking money for this?
12:23Why not?
12:24I'm getting paid for a service
12:26Well I'll tell you why not
12:27In the first place there happens to be a law
12:29Against fortune telling
12:31I'm not telling fortunes
12:33I'm reading charts
12:34The term fortune telling includes
12:36Reading charts, reading palms
12:38Phrenology
12:39What's that?
12:40Phrenology is the art of telling fortunes
12:42By feeling the bumps on people's heads
12:45That's ridiculous
12:47Look Papa
12:49I studied all these books and charts
12:51I know what influences people's lives
12:54But Patty there is nothing to this stuff
12:57You're always telling me you want me to think for myself
13:00Are you telling me now that because you don't believe in astrology
13:03I can't believe in it?
13:04Well I didn't say exactly that
13:07I mean I want you to find out things for yourself
13:11Then I can go on giving readings?
13:14Well all right
13:15These kids are silly enough to listen to you
13:17I suppose it serves them right
13:18But you are not to charge them anymore
13:20Oh but
13:21And that's final
13:27You've just converted me from a profitable thriving business
13:31To a non-profit charitable organization
13:34Couldn't have phrased that better myself
13:37Say hello to the stars for me
13:40Don't catch cold
13:43Don't catch cold
13:56Done it again
13:59First I predicted Papo's accident
14:01Then Susan's new boyfriend, Richard's act
14:04I'm incredible
14:05I see
14:06And it has nothing to do with the stars
14:08Well I must have something
14:10These kids aren't paying me their hard-earned money for nothing
14:12Not anymore they're not
14:13Your father put a stop to it
14:14No he didn't
14:15He said
14:16All he said was I couldn't charge any money
14:18I'm not going to
14:20From now on my readings are free
14:23But if anybody wants to make a contribution I'm not going to fight it
14:27I need your help
14:28No
14:29All I need is three more dollars to get Mom's birthday present
14:32If you help me get it
14:34I'll give up astrology
14:36Is that a promise?
14:37I wouldn't lie to you
14:39Saturn's in conjunction with Mars
14:43You look great Cath
14:44I feel ridiculous
14:46Why does it have to be two of you?
14:48Because the money will come in twice as fast
14:50I have it all worked out
14:51With two of us operating we'll be able to close up shop by tonight
15:02Next, step this way please
15:05And turn around and be seated
15:07Next, could you step this way please?
15:13Oh hi Patty
15:14I thought you were in the other room
15:17Hi Sue
15:18Sit down
15:19Boy have I got a problem
15:21You told me not to see Alan anymore
15:24I did
15:25I mean I did
15:27And Alan asked me to the dance Saturday night
15:30Well I turned him down because you told me to go with Stanley
15:33Stanley?
15:34That dreamy new boy I met
15:37Pisces
15:38Oh the fish
15:41What's your problem?
15:42Stanley hasn't asked me to the Saturday night dance yet
15:46Hey I'm not going to get stuck without a date am I?
15:49At least I can always count on Alan
15:52Alan is a very nice boy
15:54Why don't you go to the dance with him Saturday?
15:56Oh you told me the stars were against it
15:59He's a Leo
16:02Maybe I better check it again
16:05Here
16:06According to your chart
16:08The letter A is very lucky for you this week
16:11And Alan is a very nice boy
16:13Oh then it's alright if I accept a date with him?
16:16I would
16:17I would if I were in your shoes
16:19In your stars
16:20Oh hey thanks Patty
16:22I've been going with Alan for six months and
16:25Well I like him very much
16:27I'm glad we're not ill fated or anything
16:29Well now I know you're not
16:31I'm glad we're not ill fated or anything
16:33Well now I know you don't charge anything
16:35But here's my voluntary contribution
16:37Given of my own free will
16:39Bye bye
16:43Come back any time
16:44And remember
16:45You'll start to lose the Sun and Moon opposition next week
16:47And then you can swing out
16:52Oh you're in here
16:54Hi Suzo
16:55Sit down
16:56Listen I forgot to ask you
16:58What do I tell Stanley?
17:02What do you tell Stanley about what?
17:04Oh I mean
17:05Do I just tell him I'm going to the dance with Alan?
17:08You can't go to the dance with Alan
17:09He's a Leo
17:11But you just told me to go to the dance with Alan
17:13Why would I tell you a thing like that?
17:15Because his name begins with A
17:17What does that got to do with
17:23His name begins with A
17:25That's right
17:26Sometimes that can make a difference
17:28You better let me check it again
17:30Here we go with Leo
17:31Leo
17:32Here
17:35Oh it's alright, it's alright
17:36A is good for Saturday
17:39Oh but S is better
17:40You better go with Stanley
17:42Is that definite?
17:43Absolutely
17:44It's written in the stars
17:46But Stanley hasn't asked me yet
17:48Don't worry he will
17:50Pisces moves very slowly but
17:52Wow
17:54Enjoy the dance Saturday
17:56Thanks Patty
18:00The suckers have all gone
18:02There's someone downstairs to see you old great one
18:06I think I'll take an astral break
18:08Boy I'm tired
18:10But it's sure a good feeling to know you've helped people solve their problems
18:23Hi there
18:24Hello
18:25I'm looking for a Miss Patty Lane
18:27I'm looking for a Miss Patty Lane
18:29Boy the word sure spreads
18:31Build a better mousetrap and everyone comes running
18:33My name is Roberts, detective second grade
18:39Detective second grade huh?
18:41I'm checking on a report that a fortune teller is operating in this neighborhood
18:45I was told you might be able to help me
18:47As far as I know there's no real fortune teller in the neighborhood
18:53Can we quit now? I'm exhausted
18:56Why don't you run back upstairs and lie down?
18:59Because you and I are going to have a talk cousin
19:02That's a very interesting outfit you have on there
19:05You mean these fortune telling clothes?
19:07Oh is that what they call it?
19:09It's a costume for our school play
19:12School play?
19:13What's the name of this school play?
19:17We're doing Fortune Teller by Victor Herbert
19:19Is that so? That's a favorite of mine
19:22There's a gypsy love song in it
19:24Now how does it go?
19:26She knows, she's playing the lead
19:28I'm playing the lead?
19:29Yes now don't be modest
19:31Why don't you sing the song for detective Robert second grade
19:34Who's here because someone says there's an illegal fortune teller in the neighborhood
19:37Slumber on my little gypsy sweetheart
19:42Dream of the fields and the grove
19:48Can you hear me?
19:52Here in the dreamland
19:55Where your fancy's arose
20:02Well that's very nice, very nice
20:05Well I guess I made a mistake
20:07That's alright, come back any time
20:13Hey you know that prediction you made?
20:15What address did you want?
20:17Patty, I wanted...
20:18Oh you wanted Patty, that Patty
20:20If you'll excuse me I have an awful lot of homework to do
20:24I have sworn that was Patty
20:29Patty, I think you and I better have a little chat
20:47Hello?
20:52Do you mind if I take a look at your room?
20:54It's an awful mess
20:55I know, I know
20:56You've been rehearsing all afternoon
21:00Alright
21:10We didn't really mean to do anything wrong
21:12We just...
21:14Well it's a nice room
21:17Thank you
21:19Now you look like nice girls
21:21I don't want you to get into any trouble
21:23No sir, if there was ever any fortune telling going on around here I can promise you it'll never happen again
21:29I believe you
21:30Thanks
21:32Isn't there a police fund for widows and orphans?
21:35Yes
21:37We'd like to make a contribution
21:39Hey!
21:40Did you want to say something?
21:42Hey!
21:43What a good idea
21:46Well thank you but why don't you take it down to the station?
21:49I'll be glad to accept it
21:50Fine, we'll bring it down this afternoon
21:52Good, good
21:55Oh
21:58Would you like some advice?
22:00Yes sir
22:01Get rid of all that junk under the bed, huh?
22:10Oh
22:22I hope you didn't mind about the money
22:24I thought it was the least we could do
22:27I guess so
22:29Boy that was a close call, never again
22:32Oh
22:38Kathy
22:40Listen to my horoscope
22:42Today is a good day for you to start looking for a different career
22:53Tomorrow is your mother's birthday you know
22:55Yeah, I know
22:57Kathy told me why you were holding those astrology readings
23:01Boy she has a big mouth
23:03So uh
23:04I was just thinking if you'd like an advance on your allowance
23:07Why uh, the stores are still open
23:11Do you mean that?
23:12Yeah
23:15Thanks Poppo
23:17Ah, couldn't help myself
23:19It was written in the stars
23:28Hi Ross
23:30Don't speak to me
23:31What'd I do?
23:32You and your stars got me off the little league team
23:35You told me the stars wanted me to be a pitcher
23:37Well, Scotty Sheldon got it
23:43Boy, this time you really fixed me
23:47Me?
23:48What'd I do?
23:49I went out and bought a $200 hi-fi set
23:52Congratulations
23:54Congratulations
23:55I was going to pay for it with the money I got from my rich aunt
23:58Didn't she give it to you yet?
24:00She came down from Canada to borrow money from us
24:03The store won't take the set back
24:05And I've got to work after school all winter to pay it off
24:08That's terrible Richard
24:10Susan?
24:11Oh there you are
24:12Well I just came to tell you never to talk to me again
24:16What's the matter?
24:17Why don't you ask the stars?
24:19Not in touch anymore
24:22Well you told me to turn Alan down
24:24Well I did
24:25Well then I found out Stanley's going with another girl
24:28And now I don't have a date for the Saturday night dance
24:31Yes you do
24:33Why don't you go with me?
24:35She can't go with you
24:37Why not?
24:38Because Aquarius and Gemini don't mix
24:41Oh they don't, huh?
24:42Well just watch
24:54Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:57From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
25:00But Patty's only seen the sights
25:02A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:04What a crazy pair
25:06But they're cousins
25:09Identical cousins
25:11And you'll find
25:13They love their cousins
25:15And you'll find
25:17They love their cousins
25:19And you'll find
25:21And you'll find
25:23They laugh alike
25:24They walk alike
25:25At times they even talk alike
25:27You can lose your mind
25:29When cousins
25:31Are two of a kind