TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 23 September 1964
Patty takes up the tuba and practices incessantly, much to the chagrin of the rest of the family.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty takes up the tuba and practices incessantly, much to the chagrin of the rest of the family.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi, Drew. You'll never guess what happened to me.
00:05You got involved in a new project that's going to put us all in a state of shock.
00:09Wrong.
00:10Popo, you know how you always wanted me to be a culture vulture?
00:14I don't recall using that phrase.
00:17Well, you know how you hate rock and roll music, and you always wanted me to be interested in classical music?
00:22Yes.
00:23Well, I am.
00:24Wait a minute.
00:26You mean this morning you went to school liking rock and roll, and this evening you came home liking the classics?
00:32You must have left out the middle part.
00:34That's the surprise.
00:36I tried out for the school orchestra and I made it.
00:38They're going to give me an instrument and free lessons.
00:40I'll be playing all the classics.
00:42That's wonderful.
00:43I had no idea you were interested in music, Patty.
00:46She isn't. I've heard her sing.
00:49You know, I can't tell you how delighted I am.
00:52You know, you're really a chip off the old block.
00:54You know, I worked my way through college playing the piano.
00:57Boy, that's wonderful.
00:58We can have our own little musicales around here.
01:00Kathy can play the violin, I'll play the piano, and what's your instrument?
01:04I brought it home.
01:05I'll go get it.
01:07Patty didn't mention a thing to me about this.
01:10I guess she wanted to surprise me.
01:12Well, I'm more than surprised.
01:13I'm thrilled.
01:15There's going to be a whole new atmosphere around here.
01:17Here it is.
01:19Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:21Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:23Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:25Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:26Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:27Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:28Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:29Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:30Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:31Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:32Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:33Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:34Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:35Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:36Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:37Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:39Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:40Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:41Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:42Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:43Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:44Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:45Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:46Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:47Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:48Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:49Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:50Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:51Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:52Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:53Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:54Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:55Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:56Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:57Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:58Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:59Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:00Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:01Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:02Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:03Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:04Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:05Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:06Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:07Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:08Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:09Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:10Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:11Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:12Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:13Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:16Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:17Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:18Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:19Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:20Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:21Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:23Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:24Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:25Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:26Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:27Oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:28She certainly is practicing a lot isn't she?
02:56She hasn't stopped since early this morning.
02:59That's wonderful.
03:01My ears hurt.
03:02I'm not a musician, Martin, but isn't she playing a lot of wrong notes?
03:18What makes you think that, Aunt Natalie?
03:20Well, now, she's playing a few, but that's what practicing is for.
03:23So you can learn wrong notes?
03:25Well, it wouldn't hurt you to study an instrument.
03:35Excuse me.
03:37Can I get you something, Martin?
03:39No, no. I'll be right back.
03:49Good morning, Richard.
03:51Not anymore, has it?
03:53What happened?
03:55Patty had a quarrel.
03:57It wasn't even a quarrel.
03:59Was she interested in some other guy?
04:01Well, with some other guy, I can handle it.
04:03I lost her to a tuba.
04:05You don't understand.
04:07Patty suddenly got this thing for long-haired music.
04:09Since she joined the school orchestra,
04:11she's got that silly tuba wrapped around her all the time.
04:15Sorry, Richard.
04:17I'm afraid I'm on Patty's side.
04:19I'm delighted that she's taken up a musical instrument.
04:21You want your only daughter
04:23to be a tuba player?
04:25Well, do you think it's gonna be her life's work?
04:29Well, look at it this way, Richard.
04:31You've lost her to Mozart.
04:33It's bigger than both of you.
04:35Martin?
04:37Gee, I thought maybe
04:39it'd be on my side, Mr. Lane.
04:41Sorry, Richard.
04:45Tell her I'll send for my rock and roll records.
04:51Patty!
04:55Do you think you could stop that for a little while?
04:59I've been trying to write a letter.
05:01You mean,
05:03music bothers you?
05:05No, music doesn't,
05:07but...
05:09Patty, you haven't stopped playing.
05:11I've been trying to write a letter.
05:13You mean,
05:15music bothers you?
05:17No, music doesn't, but...
05:19Patty, you haven't stopped playing that thing all week.
05:21Well, how am I gonna learn
05:23if I don't practice?
05:25Could you go somewhere else and practice?
05:27Where?
05:29How about Chicago?
05:31I thought you liked music.
05:33Listen to this.
05:35Oh.
05:51Beautiful, isn't it?
05:53Handle.
05:55Oh, I'd recognize it
05:57anyplace.
06:01You know, Kath,
06:03Papa was sure right.
06:05I always thought long hair music was a drag.
06:07But, boy,
06:09it really lifts you.
06:11You mean, playing that
06:13lifts you?
06:15Not so much what I'm doing now.
06:17It's what I'm going to do.
06:21I've decided to give concerts.
06:23On the tuba.
06:25Only that will be a novelty.
06:27I'll be the only woman tuba player
06:29in the world.
06:31I'll play everywhere.
06:33London, Paris, the Bronx.
06:35The posters will simply say,
06:37Patty Lane,
06:39and her tuba.
06:43The deals will be sold out as soon as we're announced.
06:47Of course, it will be a lonely life.
06:49But it's all worth it.
06:51One day,
06:53you're walking down the street
06:55in a strange city,
06:57and people recognize you.
06:59You hear them say,
07:01There goes Patty Lane and her tuba.
07:03And they say,
07:05Miss Lane, my mother took me
07:07to hear you play when I was a little girl.
07:09Changed the whole course
07:11of my life.
07:15Think of all the happiness I've brought to people.
07:17Oh, I can't.
07:21I get all choked up.
07:23Me too.
07:25It's like Eddie says,
07:28Who is Eddie?
07:30Oh, he's the one who got me interested in this.
07:32I see. He's going to form an all-girl band.
07:34He plays everything.
07:36Clarinet, sax, oboe.
07:40I believe that's pronounced
07:42oboe.
07:44Oboe, oboe.
07:46He plays it.
07:48What does Eddie look like?
07:50Like Leonard Bernstein.
07:52Only with more talent.
07:54And it was Eddie
07:56who suggested you take up the tuba?
07:58Yeah.
08:00I guess there aren't too many
08:02girl tuba players around.
08:04Well, back to culture.
08:22What's that?
08:26It's Patty practicing.
08:34After midnight?
08:36She doesn't even
08:38stop to eat.
08:40I think they feed her through that horn.
08:44Well, you've got
08:46to stop her.
08:48Natalie, we both
08:50love music and we want the children to appreciate
08:52it, right? Right.
08:54And I don't care what anybody says.
08:56That's not music.
08:58It's the beginning.
09:00Couldn't she begin a little softer?
09:02Tuba's a tuba. It just comes out loud.
09:04All right.
09:06If you can stand it, I suppose
09:08I can stand it.
09:10The important thing is not to discourage her.
09:12Don't you remember at the beginning how we were afraid that she might
09:14not stick with it? Yeah.
09:16Those were the days.
09:18But she has stuck with it.
09:20And that's wonderful.
09:22At this point, she could easily lose interest in it.
09:24Promise is promise.
09:28Just give it a chance.
09:30All right.
09:32Remind me to buy some earmuffs tomorrow.
09:52Mmm.
09:54Mmm.
09:56Mmm.
09:58Mmm.
10:00Mmm.
10:02Mmm.
10:04Mmm.
10:06Mmm.
10:08Mmm.
10:10Mmm.
10:22Mmm.
10:24Mmm.
10:26Is anything wrong, Martin?
10:28Oh.
10:30Uh, no, no.
10:32Can't you sleep?
10:34Oh, sure.
10:36I was just, uh, enjoying the music.
10:42Um.
10:44I got your pair of earmuffs. They're in the drawer.
10:46Oh.
10:48I don't need them.
10:52Wish.
10:54Good night.
11:18Oh.
11:36Natalie.
11:38Yes, dear?
11:40That coffee's from the bottom of the pot.
11:44Well, you know I can't stand coffee from the bottom of the pot.
11:46I'm sorry, Martin.
11:48I'll get you some coffee from the top of the pot.
11:50All right, all right.
11:52Never mind, never mind.
11:54I'm sorry.
11:56It's just I have this terrible headache.
11:58I'm not myself.
12:00I'll see. Boy, I'll be glad when you get back.
12:02Is there anything I can do, Uncle Martin?
12:04No, thanks, Kath.
12:06There's nothing anyone can do.
12:08Listen, let's go out.
12:10I'll take you to the movies.
12:12Darling, we've been to the movies every night this week.
12:14There's a concert at the Lincoln Center.
12:16Why don't you...
12:18No. No music, please.
12:20All right, then.
12:22Let's go to the movies.
12:24If there's anything in town left to see.
12:30I wish she would get that passage right.
12:32It doesn't make any sense.
12:35I wish she would get that passage right.
12:37It doesn't go that way.
12:39I mean, if Beethoven had wanted it played that way,
12:41he would have written it that way, right?
12:47That does it.
12:49The rest of you wait here.
12:51I don't want to embarrass Patty.
12:53Of course.
13:05You hear that?
13:07Yeah.
13:09I'd like to talk to you, Patty.
13:11Oh, sure. Go ahead, Papa.
13:13Can't you put that thing down for a minute?
13:15Oh, sure.
13:17I'm so used to it, I forget I'm even wearing it.
13:23Let's sit over here.
13:25Sure.
13:32It's about the tuba, isn't it?
13:34Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is, honey.
13:36I knew it.
13:38You didn't think I could stick it out this long, did you?
13:40No, as a matter of fact, I didn't.
13:42Oh, you were right, Papa.
13:44These great composers make everybody else sound like nothing.
13:48Yeah.
13:50Well...
13:52Patty, the thing that you have to realize
13:54is that some people are naturally talented
13:56as musicians
13:58and others aren't.
14:00That's exactly what Eddie says.
14:02I'm a naturally talented musician.
14:06Oh.
14:08Oh, I love culture.
14:10I'm gonna dedicate my whole life to it.
14:14A lot of people laugh at the idea
14:16of a girl playing the tuba.
14:18But do you remember what you always told me?
14:20Huh?
14:22It doesn't matter what you do,
14:24as long as you do it as well as you know how.
14:26Did I say that?
14:28I never forgot that.
14:32You know, Papa,
14:36I think I've been letting you down a little bit.
14:38How?
14:40I haven't been practicing enough.
14:42Don't you dare.
14:44From now on,
14:46this tuba will never be out of my hand.
14:48I'm sure glad we had this little talk.
14:52Thanks for encouraging me.
14:56I guess there are a lot of fathers who wouldn't take the trouble.
14:58Well,
15:00if you can't encourage your own daughter,
15:02who can you encourage?
15:04You're wonderful, Papa.
15:10Oh, oh, oh.
15:12Oh, oh.
15:14Oh, oh, oh.
15:16Oh, oh, oh.
15:28I hear Eddie's going to announce
15:30who he's picked for his all-girl band.
15:32Yeah. We should be hearing Eddie day now.
15:34Why don't you try out for it, Kathy?
15:36I heard you play the piano, and you're great.
15:38Thank you, Molly.
15:40But I'm afraid I haven't time.
15:42I'm involved in too many other projects.
15:44Well, we'll miss you.
15:46You sound as if you've been picked already.
15:48Well, let's face it,
15:50there aren't too many girl tuba players around.
15:52Kathy? Maggie? Molly?
15:54Patty!
15:56I didn't recognize you without that horn
15:58wrapped around your neck.
16:00Well, if it isn't the king of rock and roll.
16:02Patty, uh, can I talk to you
16:04for a minute?
16:06Well, we haven't got much in common,
16:08but go ahead.
16:10You see, there's this, uh, jazz concert
16:12at Carnegie Hall tonight, and I thought maybe, uh...
16:14Jazz concert.
16:16Poor child.
16:18Well, he used to love them.
16:20And when I say used to, I'm talking about last week.
16:22I've developed a lot since then, Richard.
16:24I've acquired a taste for the finer things in life.
16:26Here's your triple-sweetheart flip.
16:28Oh, thank you.
16:32Well, you've changed overnight.
16:34That's the way it happens sometimes, Richard.
16:36Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.
16:38Exactly.
16:40What am I, a housefly?
16:44Whatever you are, Richard,
16:46I'll always enjoy having known you.
16:50Why, when she gets off on one of these things,
16:52you can't even communicate with her.
16:54I'll send you a couple of free tickets
16:56to my first concert.
16:58Bring you on.
17:00I will.
17:02And my grandchildren.
17:06Peasant!
17:12Hurry up, Natalie.
17:14She's gonna start again any minute.
17:16Won't you take me with you, please?
17:18I'm really sorry, son, but you have school tomorrow.
17:21Are you going out?
17:23Yes.
17:25Are you going out?
17:27Yes.
17:33I thought you said you were going out.
17:35We changed our minds.
17:37Yeah.
17:39Um, where are you going, Patty?
17:41Eddie's taking me to a concert.
17:43Eddie?
17:45Yeah, he's her Svengali.
17:47And he just so happens to be
17:49the greatest musical genius of our time.
17:51His father's a conductor.
17:53Are you allowed to talk to him
17:55while the train is in motion?
17:57Uh-huh.
17:59How long have you known Eddie?
18:01Two weeks.
18:03Oh, but it seems like I've known him all my life.
18:05He's taking me to hear Shostakovich tonight.
18:07Honey, I think that's pronounced Shostakovich.
18:11We'd like to meet Eddie.
18:13Oh, you're going to?
18:15He's coming by to pick me up in a few minutes.
18:17You know, we, uh, we haven't seen Richard around here lately.
18:21Oh, tinnier.
18:23He wouldn't even know who Shostakovich is.
18:25That's Shostakovich.
18:27You know, I'm really very disappointed in Richard.
18:31He just hasn't developed intellectual watts.
18:35That's Eddie.
18:37Hasn't he got a musical ring?
18:39Mom, could you fix your hair a little bit?
18:41And Papa,
18:43straighten your tie, hmm?
18:45And you...
18:47Oh.
18:49We could wait in the garage if you'd rather.
18:51No, you're all right.
18:53I just want you to make a good impression on Eddie.
18:55He's so sensitive.
18:57I'll go let him in.
19:01I think you could call me
19:03a fair and reasonable man.
19:05Of course you are.
19:07Well, I haven't met this Eddie yet, but I hate him.
19:09I can't stand him.
19:11Eddie.
19:13I'd like you to meet my parents.
19:15This is Eddie Blake.
19:17Hello, Eddie.
19:19It's nice to meet you.
19:21As my father, Carl Blake, the famous orchestra conductor,
19:23always says,
19:25pure tone is no accident.
19:27Is he really?
19:29Patty tells us you're
19:31quite a musician.
19:33Yes, I'm very good, actually.
19:35I not only play 21 instruments,
19:37I also compose.
19:39I think we'd better be going.
19:41Uh, we're hearing, uh,
19:43Shostakovich, you know.
19:45That's Shostakovich.
19:47And since you're a musician,
19:49it might not be a bad idea if you learned how to pronounce it.
19:51Oh, you mean Dmitri Shostakovich.
19:53That's exactly
19:55who I mean.
19:57He's hopelessly old-fashioned.
19:59No, Patty and I are going to hear
20:01Igor Shostakovich.
20:03Really,
20:05avant-garde composer.
20:07Good night.
20:13Adio.
20:19What do we do now?
20:21We get rid of that name-dropping
20:23prodigy and bring back old
20:25Tenier.
20:27Igor Shostakovich.
20:31Richard, Mrs. Lane, and I certainly appreciate
20:33your coming over here.
20:35Yes. Richard, would you like an apple?
20:37Oh, no, thanks. What did you want to see me about,
20:39Mr. Lane?
20:41Well, we thought it would be nice
20:43if you and Patty started dating again.
20:45Oh, I don't think Rohanna Pollock would like it.
20:47Who is Rohanna Pollock?
20:49She's a girl who happens to play the tuba
20:51ten times as good as Patty.
20:53And she doesn't think I have a Tenier.
20:55And boy, is she crazy about me.
20:57She doesn't sound like your type.
20:59Richard, you and Patty should be going
21:01swimming and bowling and to the movies.
21:03All those things you used to do.
21:05Patty's not interested in those things anymore.
21:07They're not cultured enough for her.
21:09All she talks about is
21:11Stashevochik.
21:13That's just...
21:15Patty gets off
21:17on these wild kicks and, boy,
21:19until she gets back to Earth, it's murder.
21:21You're going to help her get back to Earth again.
21:23I am?
21:25Right. You can begin by
21:27taking her to a concert.
21:29Now then, maybe afterwards you could go on to supper.
21:31And then a couple of nights later, you could go to the theater.
21:33And pretty soon, you'll be back to movies
21:35and rock and roll and bowling.
21:37Oh, well, you see, uh...
21:39Now, Richard, I understand that this is going to cost
21:41a little money, and we would like to help you.
21:43I think, uh...
21:45I think maybe that should do the trick.
21:47Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
21:49I've got my pride,
21:51and I can't be bribed.
21:53You can tell Patty it didn't work.
21:55I'm still going to take out Rohanna Pollock.
21:57Patty had her chance, and she lost it.
21:59Good night.
22:03Didn't work.
22:05I know. I heard.
22:07Cass, do you have any ideas at all?
22:09You could just
22:11forbid Patty to go on with the tuba.
22:13No, I can't.
22:15You see, I encouraged her to take up an instrument,
22:17and I've always preached to her
22:19how important it is to practice.
22:21There is a way.
22:23What is it?
22:25No, I couldn't do it.
22:27Would it work?
22:29Yes, but it's too mean.
22:31Patty, this is an emergency.
22:33Uncle Martin,
22:35do you think Patty has any talent
22:37as a musician?
22:39I mean, does she have an ear
22:41for music?
22:43Absolutely none.
22:45All right, then.
22:47I'll do it.
22:49Will it get that tuba out of this house?
22:51Yes.
22:53But if Patty finds out what I've done,
22:55it will probably get me out of the house, too.
23:01She's here.
23:07That ungrateful
23:09monster.
23:11I work my lips to the bones.
23:13I'll never trust another musician.
23:15What happened, darling?
23:17I'll tell you what happened.
23:19Eddie told me he was going to hire me as his tuba player
23:21in his all-girl band.
23:23Well, today I found out he hired somebody else.
23:25Who?
23:27Some girl named Rohanna Pollock.
23:29I don't even know how she found out he was
23:31forming an all-girl band.
23:33Well,
23:35maybe it's all for the best, darling.
23:37I'll say.
23:39Tomorrow I take this thing back to school and I never want to see it again.
23:41Patty, you're not too heartbroken
23:43about giving up the tuba, are you?
23:47I guess not.
23:49I don't mind dedicating my life,
23:51but not to anything that looks like that.
23:59Gotta go now.
24:01Where are you going, Patty?
24:03Bowling with Richard.
24:05With Richard? Oh, is that on again?
24:07Yeah.
24:09It seems he was going with this Rohanna Pollock
24:11and now she's so busy rehearsing he never gets to see her.
24:13Bye.
24:17Boy, talk about
24:19killing two birds with one stone.
24:21It worked.
24:23It certainly did.
24:25I can't tell you how grateful we are, Kathy.
24:27Actually,
24:29Patty's idea about being in the school orchestra
24:31wasn't a bad one.
24:33As a matter of fact,
24:35I tried out for it myself today.
24:39Oh, boy.
24:57Here's Kathy who's lived
24:59most everywhere
25:01From Zanzibar
25:03to Farkly Square
25:05But Patty's only seen the sights
25:07A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:09What a crazy pair
25:11But they're cousins
25:13Identical cousins
25:15And you'll find
25:17They laugh alike
25:19They walk alike
25:21At times they even talk alike
25:23You can lose your mind
25:25When cousins
25:27Are two of a kind