TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 26 January 1966
Patty volunteers her dad to give a speech for one of her classes at school. The only thing she forgot to do was ask her dad first.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty volunteers her dad to give a speech for one of her classes at school. The only thing she forgot to do was ask her dad first.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00♪
00:05The Mayor, Sammy Davis, Henry Fonda
00:08Patsy, did I forget anyone?
00:11What about the governor?
00:12Good idea
00:14Patsy, do you realize what you're doing?
00:16You don't think they'll come, huh?
00:17Well, you're wrong
00:18When you've got the greatest speaker
00:20in the whole wide world
00:21everyone will come to hear him
00:22Hi, I'm home
00:24That's Popo
00:25We'd like to tell him the news
00:27Oh, boy, Popo, I've got some hot news for you
00:30Hello, Patsy
00:31Oh, hi
00:32You know Mrs. Donovan, our creative writing teacher?
00:34Uh-huh
00:35Well, she told us to suggest a guest speaker
00:37for the class next Monday
00:38And I got the greatest speaker
00:39in the whole wide world
00:40Gee, that's wonderful
00:42You don't know the half of it
00:43Mrs. Donovan's so flipped out
00:44she invited other teachers
00:45to hear the speaker
00:46Well, that sounds very exciting
00:48Who is this great speaker?
00:49You
00:51You
00:53You
00:55You
00:59Meet Kathy
01:01Who's lived most everywhere
01:03From Zanza Bar
01:04To Barclays Square
01:06But Patty's only seen the sights
01:07a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
01:09What a crazy pair
01:12But they're cousins
01:14Identical cousins
01:16All the way
01:18One pair of matching bookends
01:22Different as night and day
01:25Where Kathy adores a minuet
01:28The ballet Russe and crepe Suzette
01:31Are panting off to rock and roll
01:33A hot dog makes her lose control
01:35What a wild duet
01:37Still they're cousins
01:40Identical cousins
01:42Then you'll find
01:44They laugh alike, they walk alike
01:46At times they even talk alike
01:48You can lose your mind
01:50When cousins
01:52Are two of a kind
02:00Papa, you can't say no.
02:02I just did.
02:03But you didn't, you already committed.
02:05You're committed, I'm not.
02:07Well, either way, the point is you've got to make a speech in front of that class.
02:10Patty, you had no right to tell Mrs. Donovan I was going to be there without asking me first.
02:15So, I got carried away.
02:17Papa, I thought you'd jump at it.
02:19It's an opportunity to talk to the future writers of America.
02:22But I have a newspaper to put out.
02:24I just can't get away on Monday morning.
02:27Papa, when was the last time I asked you for a favor?
02:32This morning.
02:35Boy, if I can't bring in my own father, I'll be the laughingstock of the whole school.
02:40You love to make speeches.
02:42That's right, and I'm going to make one right now.
02:45Patty, in the future, when you want something from someone, have the courtesy to ask them first.
02:50You can't go around making commitments for other people.
02:53Now, that's something you're going to have to get over.
02:55Is that clear?
02:56Can I ask you one question?
02:57Yeah, what is it?
02:59Why won't you make a speech in front of the class?
03:01Patty!
03:03The wheels are in motion, it's like a juggernaut that can't be stopped.
03:07Well, just be sure it doesn't run over you.
03:09Where's your mother?
03:10In the kitchen.
03:15Any luck?
03:16Oh, yeah, lots of it.
03:18All bad.
03:19He wouldn't do it.
03:21Oh, he'll do it, he just doesn't know it yet.
03:23I think you'd better get another speaker.
03:26I haven't missed yet.
03:28She didn't even ask me, Natalie.
03:30Now, how could Patty be so irresponsible?
03:32I suppose she was sure you'd accept.
03:35Martin, you're going to spoil your dinner.
03:37Oh, one little olive?
03:39She's going to have to tell Mrs. Donovan she spoke too soon.
03:43You do like to make speeches, Martin.
03:45But that's not the point, Natalie.
03:47I mean, it's one thing to be a guest speaker, it's another thing to be a captive.
03:50Besides, I couldn't make it on Monday morning anyway.
03:52That's when we have our staff meetings.
03:54She's just going to have to get somebody else.
03:56And the way she talks, I don't think she's planning to get anybody else.
04:00Well, it's not my problem.
04:02I hope not.
04:04Martin.
04:06Oh, one little radish?
04:14Hi, Kath.
04:16Hello, Richard.
04:17Hiya, Patty.
04:18Hi, Rich.
04:19Well, did you talk to him? Is he going to do it?
04:21Yeah.
04:22No.
04:23Well, what does that mean? Is he going to speak or isn't he?
04:26Of course he is, Richard.
04:28But he doesn't know it yet.
04:30Oh, you've done it again.
04:32I told you you should have asked him first.
04:35Will you stop worrying? I told you he'll be there.
04:38You seem awful positive.
04:39Of course I'm positive.
04:41I bet you dinner in the theater that my father will make that speech Monday morning.
04:45Is it a bet?
04:47Would you mind if I got a drink of water before I made my decision?
04:52No.
04:53Thanks.
04:57Hi.
04:58Hello, Richard.
04:59Hello, Richard.
05:00Mr. Lane, are you going to speak at Patty's class on Monday?
05:03No, Richard, I'm not.
05:05Are you sure?
05:06I'm positive.
05:07Thanks a lot.
05:09Bye.
05:12It's a bet.
05:22Busy, darling?
05:23Oh, no, no, no. I was just finishing up an editorial.
05:26Sit down.
05:27I just had a long talk with Patty while she helped me with the dishes.
05:31Patty who?
05:33This thing on Monday is really very important to her.
05:37Oh, it's more important than you know, Nat.
05:39Oh, it's more important than you know, Nat.
05:41Do you realize what week this is?
05:43No.
05:44National Character Building Week.
05:45I never heard of it.
05:46I just made it up.
05:48Listen, Nat.
05:50Patty has to learn sooner or later that she cannot use people.
05:53Now, I'd probably be willing to speak at her school,
05:56but I'm not going to let her force me into a position where I have to speak there.
06:00You won't change your mind?
06:02No, I sure won't.
06:05All right, I'll just have to tell her that I did the best I could.
06:07Do you mean that she sent you in here to talk to me?
06:10Oh, Martin, she seems so desperate and, I don't know, helpless.
06:16Patty's about as helpless as a Sherman tank.
06:19You said it was like a juggernaut that couldn't be stopped.
06:22Well, I'm sure it's not that serious, Nat.
06:25She probably doesn't even know what a juggernaut is.
06:27Come to think of it, I'm not sure I do.
06:29No, it was from Hindu mythology.
06:31It was a monstrous wagon with a religious idol on the top of it,
06:34and they used to roll it down the street and fanatics would throw themselves under the wheels.
06:38They get carried away by their emotions, you know.
06:41Patty knows what a juggernaut is.
06:50Uncle Martin?
06:51Mm-hmm?
06:52Are you busy?
06:53No, no. I was just finishing up an editorial.
06:55Sit down.
06:58Oh, my, isn't that interesting.
07:00It must be wonderful to be able to influence so many people.
07:03Well, I'm not sure I'm influencing anybody.
07:05I just express my opinion.
07:07You know, the greatest place to mold opinions is in the school,
07:12where the minds are at a formative stage.
07:15No.
07:16No what?
07:17No, I'm not going to speak at Brooklyn Heights High on Monday morning.
07:21Now, Kathy, you've got a lot of common sense.
07:23How could you let Patty use you that way?
07:25Use me?
07:26Well, sure.
07:27She sent you in here to plead her cause.
07:30Well, she didn't exactly send me.
07:32Well, she doesn't exactly send me either.
07:36Look, you tell her that you took the message to Garcia and he said no.
07:40Uncle Martin, are you certain you won't change your mind?
07:42Yeah, I'm positive.
07:44Then I'm worried.
07:46Why?
07:47Because Patty's not going to change her mind either.
07:53You busy, Dad?
07:55No.
07:56No, I was just finishing up an editorial.
07:58Sit down.
07:59Over here.
08:03Uh, I'd like to talk to you about Patty's birthday.
08:08You see, I figured that this year, instead of giving her handkerchiefs or something,
08:11we might do something nice for her.
08:13Hmm.
08:14I think that it would make Patty very happy if you went to speak at her school.
08:18When did you develop this sudden interest in Patty's welfare?
08:21What's so sudden about it?
08:22I've always been interested in Patty's welfare.
08:24Hmm.
08:25It's just that I've been too busy up to now to do anything about it.
08:28Oh.
08:29Uh, yes, sir.
08:30In my book, Patty's okay.
08:31Mm-hmm.
08:32So won't you please do it?
08:34It'd mean a lot to her.
08:35Mm-hmm.
08:37And to me.
08:39What does it mean to you?
08:41A buck if you say maybe.
08:42Two if you say yes.
08:47So what you're suggesting is that instead of the usual birthday present,
08:50we should give Patty something different.
08:52Me.
08:53Right.
08:54Well, that makes sense.
08:56Yeah.
08:57Sure.
08:58I think if I speak at her school, it'd be a wonderful birthday present.
09:01Then you'll do it?
09:02I'll be glad to.
09:03On her birthday.
09:04Next December.
09:07Well, you can't win them all.
09:09Yeah, I know that, Ross.
09:10And you know it.
09:11The question is, does Patty know it?
09:18Rob!
09:19Here.
09:23Well.
09:25Well?
09:26How'd you do?
09:27Uh, he said he'd speak at your school for your birthday.
09:30Oh, Ross!
09:31Isn't he the greatest?
09:32That little kid went right in there and talked him right into it.
09:34What else did he say?
09:35Uh, would you buy me a soda before I tell you?
09:38You said he'd do it.
09:39Yeah, but you'll have to wait till December.
09:41Oh.
09:42Well, fellas, what'll it be?
09:44I'll have a chocolate sundae.
09:46And I'll have another peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a chocolate soda.
09:50And don't forget the onions.
09:51A chocolate soda with onions?
09:53Don't be silly.
09:54They're for the peanut butter and jelly.
09:59Excuse me a minute.
10:02Well, Patty?
10:03If you say I told you so.
10:05I wasn't gonna say that, but now that you mention it, I told you so.
10:08Oh.
10:11Oh, boy, there's Mrs. Donovan.
10:15Hello, Kathy.
10:16Hello, Mrs. Donovan.
10:17Hello, Mrs. Donovan.
10:18Oh, don't get up.
10:19Don't get up.
10:20Uh, this is my cousin Ross.
10:22Ross, this is Mrs. Donovan, Patty's creative writing teacher.
10:25Oh, that Mrs. Donovan.
10:27Did you lose something, Patty?
10:30No.
10:31Hi there, Mrs. Donovan.
10:33I can't tell you how I'm looking forward to hearing your father on Monday.
10:37We're all looking forward to it, aren't we, Patty?
10:40You must be pretty excited about it.
10:42Oh, yes.
10:43Her father is, too.
10:45Yeah, as a matter of fact, he hasn't been this excited about anything in years.
10:48Well, you tell your father how much we're looking forward to hearing him speak.
10:52I will.
10:54You know, uh, I sure hope he doesn't get called away to the Far East this weekend.
10:59Well, is there a possibility of that?
11:01Oh, well, you never know with a newspaper editor.
11:03They have to go where the news is.
11:05And the situation's pretty flaky down there, you know.
11:07Well, if he's in the Far East, we'll understand.
11:12But if he's here, we'll expect him at school on Monday.
11:15Well, what are you going to do now, Patty?
11:19It's very simple, Richard.
11:21I'll just figure out a way to get my father to the Far East for the weekend.
11:31Now, the important thing to remember about writing is that the creative faculty is there for all of us to use.
11:36It's not just a matter of writing.
11:38Now, the important thing to remember about writing is that the creative faculty is there for all of us to use.
11:44But like any other faculty, if we want to develop it, we must constantly use it and improve it.
11:51I thought you'd gone. Aren't you playing golf today?
11:54Oh, no, no. I, uh, I called Eddie Sheldon and told him to go on without me.
11:59What are you doing?
12:01Oh, well, I'm, uh, just rehearsing a little speech.
12:04What kind of a little speech?
12:05Well, it's a little speech for Patty's creative writing class on Monday.
12:10Oh, darling.
12:12I can't thank you enough.
12:14Oh, what for?
12:16For getting Patty off my neck.
12:18Oh, she's going to be so tickled.
12:20Well, to be perfectly blunt about it, I'm not really doing it for Patty.
12:23No?
12:25No, I got to thinking about it, and I decided why should I deprive the whole class?
12:28You mean why deprive them of the greatest speaker in the world?
12:30Yeah. No.
12:32Well, okay, yeah.
12:35I wonder if Patty knows how lucky she is to have a father like you.
12:39Well, if she doesn't, I'll tell her.
12:41You know, I had to change our whole staff meeting around to do this,
12:44and this thing is really developing.
12:46I mean, it's something a lot bigger than Patty bargained for.
12:48What do you mean?
12:50Well, I told T.J. about it, and he thought there might be a story in it.
12:53So we've assigned a reporter and a photographer to cover my speech.
12:56You know, famous editor addresses his daughter's creative writing class.
12:59I thought you were going to address the class.
13:02Oh, I am.
13:04Oh.
13:07I think it's just marvelous.
13:09Wish I knew where Patty was. I'd call her.
13:11Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I take her off the hook.
13:18I'll let you know what happens, Richard.
13:26Patty, are you sure you know what you're doing?
13:29Of course I do. It's one of my finer moments.
13:30When I tell Popo that I've invited a rival editor to come and talk to my class,
13:34he'll beg me to let him come.
13:36But you haven't invited anyone else.
13:38That doesn't make any difference.
13:40You just don't know anything about psychology.
13:42Watch me fix it.
13:44Popo!
13:47I'll let you break the news to her.
13:50Oh, hi, Mom. Can I talk to you a minute?
13:52Uh, is it about that speech on Monday?
13:54Yeah, how'd you guess?
13:56Well, because I'd like to talk to you about that speech, too.
13:57Popo, before you start, I want you to know
13:59that I've been thinking it over and I realized I was wrong.
14:01Well, so long as you realize what you did.
14:03So I asked someone else to make the speech for me.
14:05You what?
14:07What do you mean you invited someone else?
14:09Just what I said.
14:11You know Mr. Connolly of the Evening Express?
14:13He said he'd be delighted to do it.
14:15Isn't that the end?
14:17The living end.
14:19You mean it doesn't grab you?
14:21Do you mean that you asked the editor of that scandal sheet
14:23to address your class?
14:25Oh, it's not such a bad paper, Popo.
14:27And I understand Mr. Connolly's a great speaker.
14:29Patty, how could you do this?
14:31I thought I was the greatest speaker
14:33in the whole wide world.
14:35Well, you are, Popo.
14:37But Mr. Connolly's gonna be there.
14:39See ya.
14:42See that little girl who just walked out of here?
14:44Do you know what she's done to me?
14:46She has made me the laughing stock
14:48of the whole newspaper business.
14:50Oh, Martin, now it's not that bad.
14:52It isn't.
14:54Do you know what I have to do now?
14:55I have to get on the phone and tell T.J.
14:57that my daughter has rejected me
14:59in favor of the editor of the Evening Express.
15:01Nat, how could she do that to me?
15:03Martin, why don't you explain it to her?
15:05Explain it?
15:07Oh, you mean beg her to let me speak there?
15:09Well, I wouldn't speak there now
15:11if my whole life depended on it.
15:13She did invite you first, you know.
15:15I mean, there's really no reason to be upset.
15:17Who's upset?
15:19And I'll tell you another thing.
15:21Nat Connolly has been spoiling for a fight
15:23for a long time.
15:25He's turning my own daughter against me.
15:27Okay, if it's war he wants,
15:29that's what he's going to get, war.
15:31What are you going to do?
15:33I'm going to rewrite Monday's editorial.
15:37You know, the Evening Express
15:39has been opposed to bond issues
15:41for schools for a long time.
15:43Well, I'm going to ask them
15:45on the front page of the Chronicle
15:47how they have the nerve to send their editor down there
15:49to speak to a group of high school students.
15:51Wait a minute, I have a better idea.
15:53I'm going to send a reporter down
15:55and give him a speech.
15:57And then I'm going to print that speech
15:59right on the front page
16:01opposite the editorial he wrote
16:03attacking the bond issue.
16:05I'll nail him to the mast.
16:07Darling, calm down.
16:09I am calm, Natalie, I'm calm.
16:13Does this work?
16:15Like a charm.
16:17Oh, Kathy, man, it's so easy to handle
16:19when you've got the key.
16:21Are you sure you didn't force the lock?
16:23Of course I'm sure.
16:26Uh...
16:28Patty, uh...
16:30Well, uh...
16:32I've been thinking it over, and, uh...
16:34Well, you were right.
16:36I should have accepted your invitation
16:38to speak for the class, and, uh...
16:40Well, if it's not too late,
16:42maybe you could call Connelly
16:44and tell him you've made other arrangements.
16:49I'm more powerful than I thought.
16:51Come in.
16:53Patty?
16:55Yes, Papa?
16:57I have been thinking about your invitation to Connelly.
16:59Yeah?
17:01Yeah, and I would like to tell you something.
17:03Go ahead.
17:05I think it's the best thing you could have done.
17:07You do?
17:09Yeah, and, in fact, you can tell him from me
17:11that the Chronicle is going to send
17:13a reporter down there to cover his speech,
17:15and I would like to hear
17:17what he has to say about that.
17:18Uh, Papa, look, maybe I made a mistake.
17:20Uh, maybe you'd reconsider
17:22about speaking at the school.
17:24Why can't we sit down and talk it over, hmm?
17:26Oh, we can sit down,
17:28but there's nothing to talk about.
17:30Everything I have to say from now on,
17:32I will say on the front page of the Chronicle.
17:34The Chronicle?
17:36Yeah, I have just declared war
17:38on the Evening Express.
17:40Well, what are you going to do now, Patty?
17:42What's left?
17:44I just started World War III.
17:49Patty?
17:51Hi, Rich.
17:53Kathy told me the bad news.
17:55I've done it again.
17:57No, you haven't.
17:59This time, you've outdone yourself.
18:01You've got two speakers
18:03who aren't going to speak,
18:05and you started a newspaper war.
18:07You know, that's what I like about you, Rich.
18:09Whenever things look blackest,
18:11you're always there with a word of doom.
18:13I just want you to face facts.
18:15I can't.
18:16Why not?
18:18If I did, I'd kill myself.
18:20You never even asked Connolly to speak, did you?
18:23No.
18:25I may be a lot of things,
18:27but I'm not a traitor.
18:29I wouldn't go to that scandal sheet
18:31if you paid me.
18:33Do you know they've been against
18:35every bond issue for new schools?
18:39The only person I wanted to speak to
18:41was my father.
18:43You ever heard him speak, Rich?
18:44He's really great.
18:46He gets so excited about everything he says,
18:48and he gets everybody else excited.
18:51I guess he's just about the greatest speaker
18:53in the whole wide world.
18:55Except Monday morning.
18:57Except Monday morning.
19:01Don't worry about those tickets, Rich.
19:03I'll get them, and, uh,
19:05you decide where you'd like to have dinner.
19:07Oh, don't worry about that.
19:09You can forget our bet.
19:11I'm worried about my father.
19:12Forget our bet?
19:14I'm worried about you.
19:16The president of the school board
19:18is gonna be there Monday morning.
19:20Your father is sending a reporter,
19:22and you haven't got a speaker.
19:25Think anybody will notice?
19:29You could go to Mrs. Donovan and explain.
19:31On Saturday?
19:33Well, what about the...
19:35I tried. She's not listed in the phone book.
19:38Well, there's one other solution.
19:40Oh, I thought of that.
19:42What?
19:44Tell your father the truth.
19:46Kathy thought of that.
19:48I can't.
19:50Why not?
19:52Richard, the reason Papa was not going to school
19:55in the first place is because he thought
19:57I tried to force him into it.
19:59Don't you see, if I go to him now
20:01and tell him what I've done,
20:03he'll think I'm using even more pressure
20:05to get him to do it.
20:07I can't.
20:09It's my own private little disaster.
20:11Well, if it's any help to you,
20:14I'm on your side, Patty.
20:16I'm sure it helps, Richard.
20:25Isn't Patty coming down to breakfast?
20:27I don't think she's feeling very well, Uncle Martin.
20:30Isn't she going to school today?
20:32I don't know.
20:34It's Mrs. D-Day, isn't it?
20:36Yes, I guess you could call it that.
20:38You going to be there?
20:40No, but we're sending a photographer
20:42and a reporter to cover it.
20:44Uncle Martin, do you really think that's wise?
20:47Yeah, I think so, Kathy.
20:51Good morning, everybody.
20:53Good morning, darling.
20:55Well, bye, everybody.
20:57Aren't you having any breakfast?
20:59I'm not hungry.
21:01Well, I must say you don't seem very happy
21:03in your hour of triumph.
21:05I mean, it isn't every day that you can convince
21:07the managing editor of a newspaper
21:08to go to school class.
21:10It isn't any day.
21:12I guess all the excitement's just gone to my stomach.
21:17Papa?
21:19I just want you to know that
21:21whatever happens, I love you.
21:23Bye.
21:27Well, I wonder what's gotten into her.
21:30Guilt feelings, probably.
21:32Well, I'd better get on downtown.
21:34Uncle Martin.
21:36May I speak with you a moment, please?
21:39Privately.
21:41Oh, well, uh, why don't we go in the living room?
21:47Ross, you can help me clear.
21:50Haven't you ever heard of the child labor laws, Ma?
21:52Besides, I want to eat a drop.
21:54Ross.
21:57Good morning, students.
21:59Well, this is a red-letter day for the class.
22:01And on behalf of the entire class,
22:03I'd like to thank Patty Lane
22:05for arranging to have her father address us.
22:06Now, this is Mr. Drattler,
22:08the president of the Board of Education.
22:10And, of course, you all know Mr. Lewis, our principal.
22:12Oh, and Mr. Lane's speech is being covered
22:14by the New York Daily Chronicle.
22:17Now, before her father speaks,
22:19I imagine Patty has a few things
22:21she'd like to say to us.
22:23Patty?
22:33Uh, well, uh, as you know,
22:34my father is the, uh,
22:36managing editor of a newspaper.
22:38And, uh, managing editors
22:40are very busy people.
22:42They, uh, are always busy
22:44managing their paper.
22:46And, uh, well,
22:48one person shouldn't really commit
22:50another person to do something
22:52unless she checks with him.
22:54So, uh,
22:56I'm here to apologize to you
22:58because, uh...
23:00Because I'm late.
23:02I'm sorry about that.
23:04My daughter said
23:06a newspaper editor is pretty busy
23:08editing his newspaper.
23:10That's all right, honey.
23:12You just sit down and relax
23:14and listen to the greatest speaker
23:16in the whole wide world.
23:22Thank you very much.
23:31Hi, Dad.
23:33Well, tell me, how did it go?
23:35I was a smash.
23:37I'm sure you were.
23:39Patty home?
23:41No, she stopped off at Richard's,
23:43but she should be home any minute.
23:45You know, uh,
23:47I may have let myself in
23:49for more than I bargained for.
23:51What do you mean?
23:53Well, Mrs. Donovan said
23:55that, uh, next month
23:57they're gonna have a city-wide
23:59meeting of all the creative
24:00writers of the world.
24:02Well, I guess you heard.
24:04Yes.
24:06Oh, boy, was I a sensation.
24:08You were.
24:10Oh, yeah.
24:12Mrs. Donovan went on and on
24:14to the class about how you have
24:16to use your imagination
24:18when you're picking a guest speaker.
24:20All the kids were even
24:22telling me how thrilled they were.
24:24Yeah.
24:26Incidentally, how was your father?
24:28Oh, Papa was fine.
24:30Yeah, you know who I'm gonna get for that?
24:32Well, I have an idea.
24:34The greatest speaker
24:36in the whole wide world,
24:38Vice President Hubert Humphrey.
24:49What a crazy pair
24:52But they're cousins
24:55Identical cousins
24:57And you'll find
24:58They laugh alike
25:00They walk alike
25:02At times they even talk alike
25:04You can lose your mind
25:06When cousins
25:09Are two of a kind