Part 2 of 6 of the classic kids show. Billy finds himself in a real dilemma when he is due to hand in his school project to his teacher Mrs Peasgood - unfortunately for Billy his books are in his school bag, which he has swapped with Alphonso Bonzo. But while he is easier to find than expected, Alphonso is not so forthcoming when it comes to handing back the bag. But Billy need not worry, for his new bag has mysterious powers that proves very handy on the day, and leaves Billy wondering just who Alphonso Bonzo really is?
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TVTranscript
00:00music
00:29come on Billy you can't expect me to believe a story like that
00:32I don't care whether you believe it or not
00:34come on you made it all up didn't you
00:36you were having me on
00:37no I wasn't
00:38oi those are my grapes get off them
00:40you had my banana
00:41well this is no way to treat an ace reporter
00:44pulling me leg
00:46eating me banana and not letting me eat your grapes
00:48it's just not
00:49ah
00:51oh
00:53Trevor Trotman here ace reporter
00:56speaking to you live from the central hospital
00:59and bringing you the extraordinary story
01:01of Billy Webb
01:02this young man on my right here
01:04who claims to have made contact with an
01:07extraterrestrial being
01:08calling himself
01:09Alfonso Bonzo
01:11I didn't say he was an extraterrestrial
01:13I just said he was a bloke
01:15an Italian bloke
01:16an exchange student
01:17with magic powers you said
01:19well
01:20yeah
01:20I suppose they were
01:22that bag you took me from my school bag
01:24was a bit special
01:25a bit special
01:27I'll say it was
01:28you only bashed up Ginger Gahagan with it
01:30the biggest bully in the whole school
01:33go on
01:59I need to begin Billy
02:00I'm gonna get you for this Billy Webb
02:14but that wasn't the end of Billy Webb's problems
02:18not by a long way
02:20his main problem at the moment
02:22was that his project was in his own school bag
02:25the one he'd swapped with Alfonso Bonzo
02:28and today was the day he had to hand it in
02:31all right class four
02:37thank you
02:38so
02:40what's today
02:42Nigel Creamer
02:43Monday October the 5th miss
02:44good
02:45now
02:47there was something
02:49I had to particularly
02:51remember for this morning
02:54but um
02:55no
02:56no it's gone
02:57all right
02:57here's the routine for today
02:58maths workbooks
02:59two pages minimum
03:00from everyone
03:01and that includes you
03:03Raymond Fox
03:04reading development lab
03:06and most of you
03:07still have a lot to do
03:08on the follow up to Friday's TV program
03:10so there is no reason
03:12for anyone to be idle
03:14is there
03:14she'd forgotten
03:16she'd forgotten
03:17she'd forgotten the project
03:18he'd get through the day
03:20and get his own bag back
03:22and maybe even finish the project
03:25anyway
03:26for the time being
03:27everything was fine
03:29hey Billy
03:30what
03:31that was dead good
03:32when you knocked Ginger Gahagan down
03:34oh well
03:35yeah
03:35bit of luck really
03:36I hate Ginger Gahagan
03:38he has my brother every day
03:40yeah well
03:41it's everyone
03:42hey look
03:43tell my hand would you pray
03:44don't be shy
03:45I think the new bag's brilliant
03:47can I have a look at it
03:48uh pretty sharp
03:49I'd like to see your face please
03:51not your back
03:52sorry miss
03:53oh yes
03:54of course
03:55Billy Webb
03:56we almost forgot your project
03:58didn't we
03:58um
03:59it's all right miss
04:00any time will do
04:01we don't want to mess things up
04:03like everyone's working
04:04and that sort of thing
04:04oh that's all right Billy
04:05no time like the present
04:06let's have an oral presentation
04:09shall we
04:09we do like an oral presentation
04:12don't we class four
04:13yes it is
04:15Peasgood
04:16won't be interesting
04:17miss Peasgood
04:17it'll be dead boring honest
04:19I don't want to bore people to see it
04:20oh you mustn't be so modest
04:22Billy
04:22I'm sure your project will be brilliant
04:23and not boring at all
04:24it's about um
04:25mice isn't it
04:27yes miss
04:28but
04:28well the thing is
04:29it isn't quite finished yet
04:30and
04:31come on out here Billy
04:32bring your bag
04:32that's it
04:33everyone gets a little nervous
04:37the first time
04:37they do an oral presentation
04:39I mean even I get nervous sometimes
04:40but we won't let you flounder
04:43will we class
04:43we'll help him out
04:45with stimulating questions
04:46won't we
04:47yes
04:48listen please
04:49good
04:49right then Billy
04:51off you go
04:52can I go to the toilet please miss
04:59are you sure you have to
05:02yes miss Peasgood
05:04all right
05:05but be quick
05:06we await your return
05:10with great impatience
05:11we are all extremely keen
05:13to hear about your mouse project
05:15hey Billy Wayne
05:35how's he going eh
05:36tell me
05:38what are you doing here
05:40have you got your fucking bag back
05:42eh no
05:42have it
05:43I don't want it
05:44you don't like Alfonso's wonderful bag
05:46it's nothing but trouble this bag
05:48that's so
05:49Alfonso very sorry to hear that
05:51yeah
05:51they were waiting in there
05:53for me to do an oral presentation
05:54but I haven't got anything to orally present
05:57because you've got my mouse project
05:58in that bag there
06:00it's too bad Billy
06:01where business is a business
06:02you know that
06:02right
06:03well I'm bunking often
06:04Mrs. Peas is going to kill me
06:06if I go back in there
06:07no I don't think so
06:08I think you'll go back in there
06:10and have a brilliant time
06:12with Alfonso's wonderful bag
06:14with a bag like that
06:15everything go fine for you
06:17you one brilliant boy
06:19no one can touch you
06:20you make up a brilliant project
06:22out of your own head
06:23everybody say
06:24hey
06:24this is one brilliant project
06:27this is one clever boy here
06:29no chance
06:30no chance
06:31you think no chance
06:33with Jinji Gahaka
06:34no
06:34and see what happened there
06:36how do you know about that
06:37in my ears this evening
06:39am I going mad
06:41I don't know Mr. Harward
06:43oh did I hear voices raised
06:44outside the headmaster's door
06:46I don't know Mr. Harward
06:48I believe I did
06:49I believe I did
06:51and who are you talking to
06:52no one Mr. Harward
06:57talking to yourself
06:57for sign of madness
06:59what's your name sir
07:00Billy Webb Mr. Harward
07:01new here are you Billy Webb
07:03no Mr. Harward
07:04been here since infants
07:05I've never said eyes on you
07:06in my life
07:07whose class are you in
07:08Mrs. Peasegood's class
07:10and Mrs. Peasegood said
07:11come here Billy Webb
07:12I've got a job for you
07:13go and stand outside
07:14Mr. Harward's door
07:16and talk to yourself
07:16at the top of your voice
07:17is that it
07:18no Mr. Harward
07:19oh I'm glad to hear it
07:20I'm very glad to hear it
07:21so this was all
07:22your own idea was it
07:23not really Mr. Harward
07:26just didn't think Mr. Harward
07:28didn't think but didn't think
07:29well think of now
07:31when I was a lad at school
07:33up north
07:34if I had stood outside
07:35the headmaster's door
07:36rabbity on to myself
07:38with the bust
07:38do you know what they would
07:39have done to me
07:40no Mr. Harward
07:41flogged me
07:42within an inch of my life
07:44within an inch of my life
07:47yes
07:48of course can't do that now
07:50European cult of human rights
07:53national curriculum
07:54they've taken half the fun
07:55out of life
07:56of the teaching profession
07:57Billy Webb
07:57sorry to hear that Mr. Harward
07:59oh well
08:00what can't be cured eh
08:02Mrs. P's got plastered
08:04you say you were in
08:05yes Mr. Harward
08:06well go on back there
08:07stop wasting my time
08:08and quake about it
08:09yes Mr. Harward
08:11hey Billy Webb
08:21have a good luck
08:23with the project
08:24no
08:24what project
08:25there isn't any blinking project
08:27eh why you worry
08:28it's all in the bag
08:30no
08:31so
08:32knock them in the aisles
08:34Billy Webb
08:34ok
08:35oh right
08:37brilliant
08:37thanks a lot
08:39you were nervous right
08:41oh brilliant guess
08:43what do you think
08:44I just had one hope
08:45the bag wouldn't open
08:47I wouldn't be able to get it open
08:49Mrs. P's good wouldn't be able to get it open
08:51no one would
08:52they'd have to postpone my oral presentation
08:55and that's what happened
08:56I was coming to that
08:57come on then Billy
08:59right
09:01trouble is
09:02there's something the matter with the clasp on this bag
09:04you're supposed to just press it
09:06and out comes the mouse project
09:18very good
09:19I hadn't realised you'd worked so hard
09:22don't be nervous Billy
09:38don't try and read it out to us
09:40just
09:40tell us a bit about it
09:41in your own words first
09:42right
09:44well
09:44this is how I first got interested in mice
09:47I first got interested in mice
09:50when I got a pair of white mice
09:52in a swap
09:52with a kid called Brett Ising
09:54he goes to short and dry
09:55Brett Ising
09:59what sort of a daft name is that
10:01that's what he was called
10:02anyway
10:03you can talk
10:04Scott Barnacle
10:05if you ask me
10:06that's just as daft the name as Brett Ising
10:09Miss
10:09Miss
10:10yes Annette
10:10Miss
10:11he's not called Brett Ising
10:13he's called Brett Mice Rink
10:15no he's not
10:16we've never heard of anybody called Ice Rink
10:18nobody's called that
10:20well Brett I think he is
10:21because I know his cousin
10:23right
10:23Miss
10:24I know a girl called Annette Curtain
10:25Miss
10:27Miss
10:27I know a girl named Lydia Duspin
10:29all right
10:31all right
10:32that is enough jokes about names
10:34get on with the story please Billy
10:35can I say what the mice were called
10:38yes yes
10:38if you insist
10:39Whitey
10:40and Snowy
10:41well that's not very original is it
10:42what would you have called her name Miss
10:44yeah Miss
10:45all right all right
10:48no more interruptions even from me
10:50it's all yours Billy Webb
10:52right
10:52well I'll tell you the story of how I got into mouse breeding
10:55wow
11:01Billy's got a feed
11:02wicked
11:03who done your vid for you Billy
11:06must have been out of fire
11:08I mean I did it
11:09I thought I'd bring modern technology into my project
11:12is that all right Miss
11:13er
11:14yes yes
11:16I suppose so
11:17right
11:17I'll carry on then
11:19you see
11:22I suddenly got this feeling
11:23everything was going to be all right
11:25you mean
11:26you were under the control
11:28of Alfonso Bonzo's brilliant back
11:31no
11:31the other way around
11:32it was like he could read my mind
11:35anything I wanted to do
11:37it would do for me
11:38it felt great
11:39like being
11:40boss of the universe
11:42oh
11:43get off my grapes
11:45sorry
11:46so
11:47you sort of held them
11:49spellbound
11:51exactly
11:52exactly
11:52it wasn't easy at first
11:57every great pioneer encounters opposition
11:59even sometimes from his own family
12:02not in this house
12:10Billy Webb
12:11I know they're very pretty
12:13but they'll get out
12:13and go all over the place
12:14and do their business
12:15all over everywhere
12:16they won't mum
12:17honest
12:17how'd you know
12:18well
12:19mice don't do business mum
12:20I mean look at them
12:21they haven't got briefcases
12:22have they
12:22or file factors
12:23and calculators
12:24don't you try to be clever with me
12:26Billy Webb
12:26sorry
12:27I'll keep them in cages
12:28honest
12:29I'll keep them lovely and clean
12:30and if they're not
12:31you can evict them
12:32turn them out to wander the streets
12:34alright
12:35alright mum
12:36I'll give him a chance
12:37hey
12:37I used to have mice once
12:39how are you going to breed them then Billy
12:40well
12:41they're just sort of mate
12:43well how'd you know you've got a man and a female there
12:44well Brett Eisen said they were
12:46anyway
12:47you can tell by their faces
12:48anyone can see that white is a bloke mouse
12:50and snow is a female
12:51really
12:52is that how you tell the sex of a mouse
12:54the wonders of science eh
12:57you shut up you
12:58felt like you know about mice breeding
13:00matter of fact
13:04I wasn't quite sure they would mate
13:06did everything I could to put them in the right mood
13:08it's all the sawdust and wood shavings
13:10from the woodwork room for a bed
13:12fed them up on the sharpest trees I could get
13:15even by my mum's old records
13:17that seemed to do the trick
13:34funny thing was son
13:37don't tell me sister this
13:39it turned out Snowy was a bloke
13:41and Whitey was a female
13:42then what happened Billy
13:43well Whitey had her babies
13:46and that was the start of Webb's mouse farm
13:48mice breed very quickly
13:55once they get the hang of it
13:56and I soon had too many for the bedroom
13:58I only kept my best breeders up there
14:00and all my basic shopping mice
14:02lived in the shed in the backyard
14:03but luckily
14:06there was a sort of craze on for white mice at that time
14:08so I was able to sell lots of them
14:10I had to sell lots of them
14:12to make room for the new ones
14:13and to buy food for them
14:14and before long
14:16practically everyone had one of Billy Webb's white mice
14:19yeah I had two of them
14:21hey look there I am in the film
14:23yeah and me
14:24and me
14:24we all had some of them
14:26those were the great days of Webb's mouse farm
14:31but it couldn't last forever
14:32and suddenly
14:33before I knew what had happened
14:35I was in the middle of a crisis
14:37everyone I knew
14:38had one of my white mice
14:40and they were still breeding
14:41it was costing me a fortune to feed them
14:44and I couldn't get rid of them
14:45I'd flooded the market
14:47but then I found a solution
14:53oh I thought I had
14:55Theophilus
14:56Theophilus?
14:58Theophilus?
14:58who or what is Theophilus?
15:01no I was coming to that
15:02this is hopeless
15:08I'm going bankrupt
15:10blinking market economy
15:12I hate it
15:13well get rid of them Billy
15:14I can't
15:15that's the problem
15:16hey
15:18I found a new friend in work today Bill
15:21look
15:22he was trying to get him
15:27I slapped him
15:27I thought I'd bring him home for you
15:29but I don't need any more mice
15:31oh well this ain't an ordinary mouse Bill
15:33this is a wild warehouse mouse
15:35it's very rare and valuable
15:36it's very fierce
15:37very crafty
15:39oh yeah
15:40let's have a look
15:41maybe I could breed from him
15:45get a new sort of mouse
15:47then the demand will go up again
15:49yeah
15:50and I'll call him
15:53Theophilus
15:55there you go Theophilus
15:59and don't be frightened
16:00I'm not hanging up on him alright
16:04help him settle down
16:06there's plenty of room for everyone
16:08see you in the morning
16:09I was a bit worried about Theophilus at first
16:18because he was smaller than the tame mice
16:20and there was only one of him
16:21I thought they might beat him up
16:23but he looked quite sort of tough
16:25so I took a chance on it
16:26but in the morning
16:27when I looked in the cage
16:28I saw a horrible sight
16:30had they killed him Billy?
16:33no
16:33he'd killed them
16:35it was terrible
16:36he was sitting on top of this enormous pile of bodies
16:39licking his whiskers
16:40he'd killed all the males
16:42and all the females were looking up at him
16:44as if they was in love with him or something
16:46Billy Webb
16:47yes miss
16:47this project of yours is beginning to sound a bit sexist
16:51not my fault miss
16:52Theophilus was a sexist
16:54and a fightist
16:55alright carry on
16:57well that was the beginning of the end really
16:59Theophilus had lots of children
17:01and they was all just as bad as he was
17:03only bigger
17:04and they killed all the rest of the white mice
17:06and they all escaped
17:07and that was when we had the great mass plague in Splotch Street
17:11oh yeah
17:12I remembered that
17:13they were all in the drawers and cupboards
17:15miss
17:16I found one in my shoe
17:17miss
17:18I found one in my sock
17:19miss
17:19I found one in my underpants
17:21all right
17:22well Billy that was very good
17:25is that it
17:26er
17:27no miss
17:29I think there's a bit more
17:30science miss
17:32psychology
17:33how mice learn
17:34really
17:35well how do mice learn
17:36very good question miss Peasewood
17:38I'm very glad you asked me that
17:39now if we only had some experimental mice
17:42we could demonstrate on the spot
17:43well I'm sure we could
17:44but unfortunately we haven't
17:46have we
17:46have we
17:48let's just take a look in the bag
17:50shall we
17:50how did you know what would be in the bag
17:56I didn't
17:57I just felt this sort of power
17:59power
18:00what
18:01extraterrestrial power
18:03I just sort of knew everything would go right
18:06and what was in the bag
18:07I was coming to that
18:09miss
18:11he's got real mice in there
18:13well he would have wouldn't he
18:14it is a mouse project after all
18:16carry on Billy
18:17right
18:18now you all see these four mice here
18:21the one on the end is a trained mouse
18:23we'll call him mouse A
18:25and the others will be mouse B
18:27mouse C and mouse D
18:29now they're all hungry
18:31but mouse A is the only trained food hunter
18:34you can probably see he's already working out his plan of campaign
18:37get out of it Billy they're all the same
18:40look all that
18:41now I want you to all keep quiet and sit still for this experiment
18:49I'm going to let all the mice out and you can see the different ways they behave
18:53is that alright miss?
18:54we'll try very hard won't we
18:56yes miss
18:57what
18:58look out miss
19:05look out miss
19:07look out miss
19:09look out miss
19:12mouse A wins
19:14alright set her down now
19:29the question is if we breed from mouse A, B, C and D
19:34would mouse A's children be ace food hunters like their father
19:38or would they need to be trained up like mouse A was?
19:40we have seen Al Theophilus' children were all fightists and sexists like he was
19:47is being a clever food hunter the same thing or is it something else?
19:51and how could we set up an experiment to prove it one way or the other?
19:54sir? sir?
19:56hi
19:58it was horrible
19:59I thought I was a teacher or something
20:02mmm
20:03cross it there now miss
20:04yes of course
20:05thank you Billy
20:07oh is that really?
20:08yes
20:09Billy did um
20:11did all that actually happen just now?
20:13what do you mean miss?
20:15never mind
20:16never mind
20:17er right
20:18class four
20:19yes er
20:20maths workbooks
20:21reading records
20:22and Don El Masuda
20:24you can take all those pictures of fair ladies out of your Victorian pastimes file
20:28because I shall be going through it with you at my table in two minutes
20:33right
20:34at my table
20:35oh
20:36oh
20:37oh
20:38oh
20:39oh
20:40oh
20:41oh
20:42oh
20:43oh
20:44oh
20:45oh
20:46oh
20:47oh
20:48oh
20:49oh
20:50oh
20:51oh
20:53oh
20:54oh
20:55oh
20:56oh
20:57hello
20:58hello
20:59hello
21:00hello
21:01hello
21:02hello
21:03hello
21:04so how you like Alfonso's brilliant bag?
21:06oh
21:07it was ok
21:08I suppose
21:09ok you suppose best bag you ever see I think
21:12yeah alright
21:13it was a bit special
21:14was a bit special. Very much special, yes. I bet you have one brilliant time with this
21:19bag, Mouse A, Mouse B. What do you know about Mouse A and Mouse B? Niente, niente. So,
21:25what do you say, Billy Webb? You want to keep this bag and I keep your bag? Well, no. I
21:31think we'd better swap back. I don't mean I didn't like it. It sort of saved me life,
21:36really. But, well, you know, it made me the center of attention. Didn't like that. You're
21:41not liking this? You don't want to be a star? Oh, certainly not. Funny boy. Okay,
21:47Billy Webb, Alfonso Bonzo is a man of his word. One bag for you, one bag for me. Now
21:54we are quits. Now, what do you say, Billy Webb? Maybe another small exchange tomorrow? No,
22:00I'm not being sorry. Hey, Billy Webb, maybe you change your mind when you see what I bring
22:05for you. Arrivederci, Billy Webb. And did he come back? Did you ever see him again? What
22:16did he bring with him? Did you change your mind? I was coming to that.
22:21I see him again.
22:37Bye.
22:40Bye.
22:42Bye.