Part 4 of 6 of the classic children's drama. Mr Hardwood has confiscated Julietta the greyhound from Billy, leading Billy to wonder just how he can get her back. But just when things start to go right for him, Julietta then runs off, leading Billy with the uneasy feeling that Alphonso Bonzo is behind it all and with him still in possession of Billy's dog Fred. But things get even stranger when Fred turns up at the house - only he can talk. When the family start seeing this as an opportunity to make money and fame, Billy seeks out Alphonso to try and put it right, but only risks making things even more complicated.
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00:00I
00:30We really didn't know she'd do anything like that, did we, Billy?
00:34It's my fault, really, Mr. Hardwood, for letting her go.
00:37Be that as it may, I'm going to confiscate that dog.
00:39You can't do that!
00:40I beg your pardon, young man.
00:42I mean, please, Mr. Hardwood, she's not mine.
00:45I'm looking after her for a friend.
00:46Please don't confiscate her. It's not fair.
00:48Listen to me, Sonny.
00:50You may be new here, but you'll soon learn that they call this school Mr. Hardwood's school.
00:56And what I say goes, and what's fair is what Mr. Hardwood says is fair.
01:02And I'm saying to you, Blue Webber, that I'm going to confiscate that dog here and now.
01:08And it's very likely you'll never see her again in your life.
01:15A serious situation.
01:18Serious? That's what I thought.
01:20Alfonso Bonsai got our dog Fred.
01:23Dog for a dog. Straight down the line.
01:25Dog for a dog for a day.
01:28Alfonso Bonsai was a man of honour.
01:30And Billy Webb was a boy of honour.
01:32But if you couldn't give him his Italian greyhound back...
01:34He'd already turn around and give me Fred back.
01:44Hey, Billy.
01:45What?
01:46I thought your dog was dead good in the summer, Billy.
01:48Not my dog, really.
01:49Looking after her for someone else.
01:51Where's she now, Billy?
01:52Mr. Hardwood's got her.
01:53And he says he won't give her back.
01:54What?
01:55Not ever.
01:57Er, pretty sharp.
01:59That's not how you do silent reading.
02:02Sorry, miss.
02:03Can I be excused, miss?
02:05Yes, all right.
02:10Miss, I think Billy's upset.
02:11Mr. Hardwood said I'll never see her again in my life.
02:16No, he didn't say that exactly.
02:16And if I don't get her back, I won't get Fred back.
02:20And I won't have no job at all.
02:21You're not such the hard case that you look, are you, Billy Webb?
02:22Er, yes, class four.
02:23Can I help you?
02:24Eyes down, please.
02:28What is it, Billy?
02:29I'm worried about Julietta, miss.
02:32I think you'll get her back all right.
02:34But Mr. Hardwood said I'll never see her again in my life.
02:36No, he didn't say that exactly.
02:38And if I don't get her back, I won't get Fred back.
02:41And I won't have no job at all.
02:43You're not such the hard case that you look, are you, Billy Webb?
02:46No, miss.
02:47I'm sure he'll give you Julietta back.
02:50But you said he wouldn't.
02:51No matter what he said.
02:53Look, I know it's against the school rules to bring a dog to school.
02:56But it's against the law to take someone's dog off them and keep it.
03:00Now, Mr. Hardwood knows that as well as I do.
03:03He's not going to keep Julietta.
03:05He never meant to.
03:06I bet he did.
03:07Believe it or not, Billy, Mr. Hardwood is actually quite a kind-hearted man.
03:13Mr. Hardwood?
03:14Yeah.
03:15You'll see.
03:18I thought it before.
03:19And now I know it.
03:21It's not really right to swap dogs.
03:24I'll tell you one thing, ma.
03:25I was dead worried for the rest of that day.
03:36Hey, Billy.
03:37What?
03:38I was sitting outside Mr. Hardwood's door.
03:40I think he's gone all soft and found himself a girlfriend.
03:43What?
03:44Mr. Hardwood?
03:45Yeah.
03:46There was someone in there anyway.
03:47He was calling her darling and all stuff like that.
03:50And then I'm sure I heard him kissing her.
03:52Mr. Hardwood?
03:53With a girlfriend?
03:55Kissing her?
03:56That is disgusting.
03:59Pretty sure this is not like you.
04:02Sorry, ma.
04:03And then a bit later, he came into the classroom.
04:08If there are any messages, Mrs. Peacegood, or telephone calls for me, tell them I'm unavailable.
04:15I'm going to make a thorough safety inspection of the school grounds.
04:19Right you are, Mr. Hardwood.
04:20And Billy Webb.
04:21Where's Billy Webb?
04:22Yes, Mr. Hardwood.
04:22I want to see you in my room at half past three this afternoon, Billy Webb.
04:27Yes, Mr. Hardwood.
04:28Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, here we go, up we go, hey, what a clever girl.
04:57Yeah, what a clever girl, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
05:01All the way to that, woo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.
05:17How are you?
05:19I'm going to do it.
05:25I love it, you love it.
05:44Come on, lass. Come on.
05:47No, no, you don't understand.
05:49I'm a headmaster. I can't go on stroking you all day.
05:52Nothing better to do than stand about staring, lad.
05:56You told me to come, Mr. Hardwood.
05:58So I did. So I did.
06:01You've got a nice little dog here.
06:03My dad had whippets, you know.
06:05She's not a whippet, Mr. Hardwood.
06:06I know that. I know that.
06:08All I'm saying is my dad had whippets, that's all.
06:11Now, this friend of yours you're looking after her for,
06:15he wouldn't be thinking of selling her, would he?
06:18No.
06:19No, I thought not.
06:21Well, tell your friend, from a man who knows about these things,
06:26he's got a nice little dog here.
06:28Can I have her back now, Mr. Hardwood?
06:30Yeah, all right then.
06:32You can bring her again if you like.
06:35I'll make sure she's all right.
06:37I've got to give her back tonight.
06:39All right then.
06:40Hang on a minute, Billy Webb.
06:42I've got something to show you I don't show to everyone.
06:45Come here.
06:51Do you know what these are, Billy Webb?
06:53No, sir.
06:54They're my dad's zip joints.
06:56Think on.
06:57No, sir.
06:58Let's go.
07:00Night, Billy.
07:02Night, Mrs. Baldies girl.
07:03I told you it was in time.
07:04Yes.
07:05Night, Miss Miss Oda.
07:06Night.
07:07Night, Mrs. M's Oda.
07:09Night.
07:10Night, Mrs. M's Oda.
07:12Night.
07:13Night, Mrs. M's Oda.
07:14Night.
07:16Night, Mrs. M's Oda.
07:17Night.
07:18Good night, Mrs Masuda.
07:19Good night.
07:22Hello, Billy.
07:23Hi, Jude.
07:29It's all right, Julieta.
07:30A lot of fun with people down our street.
07:33Well, did you have a good day, then?
07:35Miss Radford was dead keen on you, he was.
07:37I wonder what old Fred's been up to.
07:40Hang on. Did you hear something?
07:42Hey, Julieta?
07:45Julieta?
07:45Julieta?
07:47Alfonso, Julieta!
07:54Hey, have you seen an Italian grey hand with a bloke wearing funny trousers?
07:59You got Barbie or what?
08:01Julieta, come back!
08:02Alfonso, come back!
08:04I somehow knew he'd double-crossed me.
08:06I felt terrible.
08:07But he'd given you your bag back.
08:09Only because I still had his bag.
08:11But now he had my dog and his dog.
08:14And I didn't have any dog.
08:15It was all my fault.
08:17I told him myself that same morning,
08:19you don't swap dogs.
08:20Dogs aren't like things.
08:22Dogs are like people.
08:24And how am I going to tell me mum and dad
08:25that I've given her Fred away to a mad Italian hippie?
08:28Yeah.
08:29I can see how that will be a bit of a problem.
08:31A bit of a problem?
08:32I felt terrible.
08:34I mean, Fred wasn't pretty and he didn't do tricks, but we loved him, Mr. Trotman.
08:40I understand.
08:41I understand.
08:43I once trod on my auntie's hamster and it haunted me for years.
08:47It wasn't just my dog.
08:49Lindy used to talk to him for hours.
08:51Tell him about her love life and that.
08:53She says he's a dead good listener.
08:55Yeah.
08:56Yeah.
08:57Me mum used to have him in bed with her when me dad was on nights.
09:00Please, please.
09:01I understand.
09:03Me dad used to take him out for a drink every Friday night.
09:06He says Fred's his mate.
09:07Please, don't go on.
09:09I can't bear it.
09:13Frank!
09:13Frank!
09:13Fred!
09:17Fred!
09:19Fred!
09:22Fred!
09:27So I was just hoping and hoping that when I got in, I see old Fred lodding in his bed.
09:32I have in his tea.
09:34It'll be all like waking up from a bad dream.
09:38Hello, Billy.
09:40Seen Fred?
09:43Really strange, that.
09:47What?
09:48Fred, not coming in for his tea.
09:50Perhaps he's on a diet.
09:51Oh, don't be witty, Linda.
09:52It doesn't suit you.
09:55Billy's very quiet.
09:56You all right, Billy?
09:57Have another bacon sandwich.
10:00I'm getting really worried about Fred.
10:03It'd be all right.
10:04He can look after himself.
10:08What's that?
10:09Oh, there he is.
10:11Open the door, Billy.
10:12Better late than never.
10:13Come on, Billy.
10:17Fred, where have you been?
10:19Out.
10:20Out?
10:20What do you mean, out?
10:22You come in here an hour late for your tea wearing a fancy red jacket.
10:25Where'd you get that jacket?
10:27No, gave it me.
10:28Mum, he's talking.
10:31Oh, yes.
10:33He is.
10:35I can't be.
10:36Well, I heard him.
10:37Did you hear him, Billy?
10:40Oh, you must have.
10:41Did you hear him, Dad?
10:42Well, I don't know.
10:44It sounded like...
10:45But dogs don't talk, do they?
10:46It's ridiculous.
10:47Well, Mum asked him where he got his jacket, and he said a bloke gave it to him.
10:51Didn't you, Fred?
10:51Come on, Fred, tell us again.
10:55Where'd you get your jacket?
10:56We must have been imagining it.
11:00Yeah, but it's not just the talking, is it?
11:03I mean, where did he get this jacket?
11:05It's not a load of rubbish.
11:06It must have cost a bit.
11:08Hey, he's all scenty.
11:11He's wearing aftershave or something.
11:13Aftershave?
11:15Fred?
11:17Aftershave on a dog?
11:18Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
11:20There's nothing wrong with a bit of aftershave.
11:25There.
11:26You must have heard that, Billy.
11:28Come on, admit it.
11:28Was he talking?
11:30Well, he did sound like it.
11:32Well, come on.
11:34Where's my tea?
11:35Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
11:36I put it back in the fridge.
11:38I didn't think you were coming.
11:40Oh, there's a good boy.
11:43Don't you like it?
11:49Well, it's nothing special.
11:51Just a tin of dog meat, innit?
11:53Well, yes, we thought that's what you liked best, Fred.
11:56This is ridiculous.
11:59Is there, like, anything you'd rather have, Fred?
12:01Oh, yeah.
12:02Well, what's that, Fred?
12:04Spaghetti bolognese.
12:05Oh, no.
12:07He's talking in Italian now.
12:09I'm afraid we don't have any spaghetti bolognese, Fred.
12:11Oh, typical.
12:12I'm sorry.
12:13Who's been giving you spaghetti bolognese, then, Fred?
12:16Bloke?
12:17What sort of bloke?
12:18Italian bloke.
12:19Well, it stands to reason, I suppose.
12:22Look, is all this really happening?
12:24No.
12:25What do you mean, no?
12:26One of us is having a dream, that's all.
12:28Probably dead.
12:29Why me?
12:30Because you eat so much cheese.
12:32It doesn't matter, does it?
12:33One of us is having a dream, and the rest of us are in it.
12:36Well, what makes you so sure?
12:37Because dogs don't really talk.
12:39All right, then, pinch me.
12:41What for?
12:41To see if I'm dreaming.
12:44Ow!
12:45Maybe we should all pinch each other.
12:46Oh, this is dark.
12:48Ow!
12:49Ow!
12:50Ow!
12:51Oh, God.
12:52Well, I think I'll have a kip now.
12:55You know what I think?
13:00I think we all will have a proper family conference about this.
13:08Now, the thing is, as I see it, what we've got here is a very viable business proposition.
13:17Fred, he's a dog, Dad, not a business proposition.
13:21He's a dog, and he's a business proposition.
13:23A very viable one.
13:25He's not.
13:25He is, son.
13:26What are you going to do with him, then?
13:28I think we should exploit him in all the media.
13:32Fred?
13:32Well, talking dog, Billy.
13:34Not a lot of them.
13:35Yeah, well, he could have his own television show.
13:37He could make us all rich.
13:38Oh, yeah.
13:39Be good, that being rich.
13:41What if he doesn't want to be on the TV and that?
13:43What if he doesn't want to have his own show?
13:45What if he doesn't want to make you rich?
13:47Well, that wouldn't be very considerate of him, Billy.
13:49Not after all we've done for him.
13:51He's a dog, Mum, not a bloke.
13:52Anyway, what do we need more money for?
13:54We don't want to be rich, do we?
13:55We've got enough money, haven't we?
13:57We've got enough money.
13:58You must be barmy, son.
14:00What do you think?
14:00My job's a good job working in the stores?
14:03Do you think your mother stacks shelves in the supermarket for fun?
14:06Why do you think we never go on holiday and live in a titchy little house like this?
14:10Not that titchy, is it?
14:11Big as anyone else's house.
14:12Big as anyone else's house in Splott Street, Billy.
14:15Oh, I feel guilty about swapping Fred.
14:18Swapping Fred?
14:19What are you talking about?
14:20I mean losing Fred when he didn't come home.
14:23Because I thought you all cared about him.
14:24But I needn't have bothered because you just want to make money out of him.
14:27So what's wrong with that, clever dick?
14:29I thought you were the small businessman of Splott Street.
14:32You don't do it with dogs.
14:33That's what's wrong with it.
14:34Well, I think that's daft.
14:37I am going to phone up the local newspaper and the television.
14:41Oh, yes.
14:41Oh, yes.
14:44The talking dog of Splott Street.
14:47Billy, where are you going?
14:57Not sure I understand your motivation, Billy Webb.
15:01I mean, I wouldn't mind having a talking dog.
15:03That's the sort of thing gives a bloke status.
15:06Trevor Trotman.
15:08And he's talking dog.
15:10Yeah.
15:11I like the sound of that.
15:13People would really look up to me then.
15:16Fame and fortune.
15:17Well, I'm not like that.
15:19No.
15:20You prefer the low profile.
15:22Yeah, and besides, I didn't like the idea of Alfonso Bonzo being in control of things.
15:28I mean, it was like a hypnotised poor old Fred or something.
15:32And Fred doesn't want to be in the limelight any more than what I do.
15:36And I couldn't help feeling it was all my fault for getting mixed up with Alfonso Bonzo in the first place.
15:41But I didn't know what I could do about it.
15:44But I didn't know what I could do about it.
15:46I had to get in contact with him some, eh?
15:48Not a sausage.
15:57Alfonso!
15:59Alfonso Bonzo!
16:01Meow!
16:01You're useless.
16:03You're a waste of time.
16:11I hear you whistle.
16:20I come as quick as I can.
16:22You want a very keen boy for business, Billy Webb.
16:25You ready for another small exchange?
16:27No, I don't want any more exchanges.
16:29I had enough trouble with the last one.
16:30Julieta, you didn't like her?
16:32Yes.
16:33I liked her all right.
16:35Mr. Hardwood liked her.
16:36Everybody did.
16:37That's not the point.
16:38So what's the point?
16:39What have you done to Fred?
16:41Freddo!
16:41Caro!
16:42Freddo!
16:43That one very fine dog you got there.
16:45What do you mean what I do to him?
16:46I take him, I bring him back.
16:47I give him the best day out of his life, I think.
16:50Spaghetti, tutti-frutti ice cream.
16:52Blinking ponky aftershave, fancy blinking red jacket.
16:54You know, sometimes I think he like these for a change.
16:57Well, he doesn't suit them.
16:59Anyway, that's not the main thing, is it?
17:00So what's the main thing?
17:02You know what the main thing is.
17:03You've talked about how to talk, haven't you?
17:05Ah, is he still doing it?
17:07Yes!
17:08You know, sometimes Alfonso, he get a little bit carried away,
17:11go a little bit too far.
17:13He's all in fun, Billy Webb.
17:15I think it's very nice to have a talking dog, no?
17:18No, my mum and dad want to get him on the TV and everything.
17:21He'll have to talk to Esther Blinking Manson.
17:23You won't like this?
17:24No, he's a private dog.
17:26Oh, I'm so sorry, Alfonso, he didn't think.
17:29Hey, listen, you want to exchange him for another dog?
17:32I'll get you any dog you like.
17:34Great Deng, Chihuahua, Hound of the Baskervilles.
17:36No, you don't understand.
17:38I don't want another dog.
17:39I want him back the way he was.
17:40Well, it's not so easy.
17:41Once the doggy start talking, he don't want to stop.
17:43Well, if we don't fix it soon, he'll be splited in all the media.
17:46Maybe we change your mama and papa.
17:50Yeah, make them change their mind, you mean.
17:53No, make a small exchange.
17:56A mama for a mama, a papa for a papa.
17:58That's the way Alfonso like to do business.
18:00Straight swap me down the line.
18:02What?
18:02You could do that?
18:04No problem, Billy Webb.
18:05You like this?
18:06No, I didn't mean that.
18:07No problem.
18:08I'll give you a try and offer.
18:09You try a nice Italian mama and papa.
18:11You don't regret, I think.
18:12Look, I said I didn't want that.
18:14Giuliano.
18:16Oh, no.
18:20Giuliano.
18:20Why you sit up here all alone?
18:23Why you make your poor mama sad, Giuliano.
18:26Look, you've got it all wrong, missus.
18:28I'm not Giuliano or whatever.
18:29I'm Billy.
18:30Billy Webb.
18:31See how well his boy do with his English.
18:33Oh, but Giuliano, you are working too hard.
18:37I don't like to see you so pale and thin.
18:39I'm not Giuliano.
18:41Not pale and thin.
18:42Look, you've got the wrong boy, missus.
18:43Oh, Alberto, Garo, what do you think about our bambino?
18:48Oh, he needs di pasta.
18:51Oh, va bene, va bene.
18:52Pasta, pasta.
18:54Look, really, it's okay.
18:55I'm full.
18:56I bet this fake insanity...
18:58Ecco la pasta.
19:01Buon appetito Giuliano, Celia.
19:04Give him di big spoon for la mano.
19:07We build the U.A.
19:07You'll be playing for Italia soon.
19:11Oh, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.
19:12Get out of here, you're one.
19:14Get out of here, you're one.
19:15Help, help, help.
19:16Help, help, help.
19:18Help, help, help.
19:19He's a marvelous boy in a...
19:21Some small problem here.
19:26Have they gone?
19:27That was terrible.
19:29That was like a nightmare.
19:30You didn't like that small exchange?
19:33Small exchange?
19:35No, I didn't like that small exchange.
19:37No problem.
19:38We tried something else.
19:39Anything is possible.
19:42Yeah.
19:42I mean, you can do anything you like, can't you?
19:45You can change anything into anything.
19:48It's just a small talent, Billy Webb.
19:50That's why they call me Alfonso Bonzo,
19:53the Italian exchange student.
19:55No, I mean, it isn't just a small talent.
19:57I mean, I'm good at swapping.
19:59But you've got special powers, haven't you?
20:01Maybe.
20:03Maybe you have too.
20:05Why do you think I come to seek you?
20:06Look, I want to stop all this.
20:09I want to stop it all now.
20:11I mean, it's been good fun and all that,
20:12but things got a bit out of control.
20:15No hard feelings, but I don't want any more swaps of you, all right?
20:18So what are you going to do about Fredo?
20:20What are you going to do about the talking dog of Splat Street?
20:23I don't know.
20:23I was hoping you'd get him out of it.
20:25You got him into it, Billy Webb.
20:27You get him out of it.
20:28You have the powers.
20:31Use them.
20:35Yeah, absolutely.
20:37No, not barking.
20:39Talking.
20:40Yeah.
20:41Whole sentences.
20:43Any time you like.
20:45Number four.
20:47Fred.
20:48Yeah?
20:49You've got to knock it off.
20:50What?
20:51This talking.
20:52You'll have to go on that's life.
20:54You'll have to go on Wogan.
20:55You'll have to have a bath once a week.
20:58You'll have no life of your own, Fred.
21:00Fred!
21:03I have special powers.
21:05You are now under the fantastic power of my iron will, Fred.
21:10No, I'm not.
21:13All right, then.
21:15Just to please me, eh?
21:17All right, then.
21:18Just to please you.
21:19I'll never say another blooming word, all right?
21:21Thanks, Fred.
21:22Yeah.
21:28Come on, Fred.
21:30The spaghetti bolognese.
21:32It was fantastic.
21:33I mean, who's ever heard of a dog wearing aftershave?
21:36Who bought you the jacket, Fred?
21:37Fred!
21:38I think we're wasting our time.
21:40Let's go.
21:41Well, hang on.
21:41He was rabbit in a way like Billy Connolly half an hour ago.
21:44That's what they all say, I'm afraid, Mr. Webb.
21:46Just shy of strangers, I expect.
21:48Never mind.
21:49Happens all the time.
21:50Night.
21:52Oh, well.
21:54Never mind, Fred.
21:55You're a good dog, really.
21:57And we do love you for yourself.
21:59Just it would have been nice to be in the limelight for once, like.
22:03I'm sorry.
22:04I don't think I did the best thing, though.
22:07Sorry?
22:08What do you mean, sorry?
22:09What do you mean, did the best thing?
22:11What's this all about?
22:13Well, you're not going to believe this.
22:15You're not going to believe this.
22:45And don't forget there's another top edition of Alfonso Bonzo next week at 4.35 here on CBBC.
23:13Stay tuned because Newsround is next.