Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 18 Ida's Dance
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Here you go, Jamie.
00:13What are you doing?
00:16Mom's been going to the trash.
00:20Yes, no, maybe.
00:24I don't know.
00:26Can you repeat the question?
00:31You're not the boss of me now.
00:33You're not the boss of me now.
00:36You're not the boss of me now.
00:38And you're not so big.
00:42You're not the boss of me now.
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:47You're not the boss of me now.
00:50And you're not so big.
00:53Life is unfair.
01:03Check it out.
01:04This is my homework.
01:07I spent every night this year
01:08cramming my school full of integral calculus
01:11and conversational Latin.
01:13I just needed one class that wasn't going to kill me.
01:16And then I saw it.
01:18Music appreciation.
01:20It's an actual class.
01:22All I have to do is listen to a CD
01:24and write down how it makes me feel.
01:28It's such an easy A.
01:30No matter how easy an A is,
01:32a D is always easier, Malcolm.
01:34Not in this class.
01:36I better get started on my homework.
01:50F?
01:50I can't believe that goatee moron gave me an F.
01:55You obviously didn't even listen to the piece.
01:58I listened to it.
01:58You saw me.
02:00You know, with the right kind of pen,
02:02you can turn that F into a P.
02:07Mom, finally.
02:09Where have you been?
02:11I've been calling for weeks.
02:13I must have left ten messages.
02:15What on earth is going on up there?
02:17I'm busy.
02:20Gorga, Ludvina, and Marika need me to help make pickles for the festival.
02:25Mom, what are you talking about?
02:27Gorga?
02:28Marika?
02:29Marika's Ludvina's cousin.
02:31She married a sailor with a milky eye,
02:34and she lost the courage to give you warts.
02:37You're not making any sense.
02:38I have to go.
02:39They're calling me.
02:42Oh, my God.
02:42Hal, she's lost her mind.
02:44She thinks she's back in her old village.
02:46I have to go up there.
02:47Why?
02:48Hal, she has one leg.
02:50She's demented.
02:50She could wander out onto the freeway.
02:53I thought we agreed we'd take no extraordinary measures to prolong her life.
02:58Fine.
03:02There we go.
03:04If Mommy asks, you got a bath.
03:07Psst.
03:09Did you get it?
03:10Oh, yeah.
03:12Exhumed maniac.
03:14The guy at the video store said it even creeped him out?
03:16And he's an albino.
03:18Oh, I love scary movies.
03:20There's nothing so primal as a man coming face to face with what really terrifies him.
03:25We'll keep this a secret from your mother.
03:27Got it.
03:28I mean, there's commercials she won't let me watch.
03:31Well, she's gone for five days.
03:32We can't have a film festival.
03:35Now, the thing about horror films is that it's always what they don't show that's scary.
03:40Because nothing on the screen can ever be as truly frightening as what we imagined.
03:44I'm glad I shoved that guy's skin down his throat.
03:55I didn't think he'd ever stop screaming.
03:57I have a favor to ask.
04:06I'm taking music appreciation, but I'm not doing so well.
04:10I have to get an A in this class.
04:12I know you know about this stuff, so I'm willing to pay you ten bucks an hour to teach me until I get it right.
04:18Okay?
04:19The adagio for organ and strings makes you happy?
04:23Are you going to help me or not?
04:24So, let me get this straight.
04:28You, the brilliant genius Malcolm, are coming to me, your little brother, for help on your homework?
04:36Yes, Dewey, that's right.
04:39So, you're a total idiot at music.
04:43Yes, Dewey, it seems that way.
04:45Huh.
04:47That's probably why you're such a drag to be around.
04:50Yes, Dewey, that's probably why I'm such a drag to be around.
04:56Interesting.
04:57And that must be why you're hitting yourself.
05:00Is this going to take long?
05:01Depends how fast you obey.
05:04And that must be why you're hitting yourself.
05:07Mom, oh, thank God you're all right.
05:17What are you doing here?
05:19Mrs. Kerchuk next door told me you were down here.
05:22She also said to stop stealing her newspaper.
05:24I told her she's free to fight me for it.
05:27You didn't return my calls for two weeks.
05:30I was worried.
05:31Oh, you're so worried.
05:34You get the earrings, Susan gets the bracelet.
05:37Now go home.
05:38Mother.
05:40What is this place?
05:41It's wonderful.
05:42It's like being back in the village.
05:44Everyone here is from the old country.
05:47They got the right kind of pickles.
05:48They know the old songs.
05:50After 50 years in the stink hole of a country,
05:53I finally feel like I fit in.
05:56Wow, I felt surrounded when there was just one of you.
06:06You're going to introduce her to us
06:09or make us wait around like a pack of pigs?
06:12A pack of pigs wouldn't leave their nail clippings on the floor
06:15for other people to step on them.
06:17This is my daughter, Lois.
06:19Gorga.
06:20Ludwina.
06:21Big cutty.
06:22Little cutty.
06:23Marika.
06:24Floransa.
06:25Anka.
06:26And Moushka.
06:27Is this the fat daughter or the one who drinks?
06:30This is the one with the half-wit factory between her legs.
06:37Well, I don't know what to say.
06:39I planned on two days to get you into the old folks' home,
06:42two days to fight the court challenge,
06:44then I'd fly back on Sunday.
06:46Now I'm stuck here.
06:47It's $300 just to change my ticket.
06:50Good.
06:50You'll be here for the festival Saturday.
06:52What festival?
06:53You stop it.
06:58You know it's St. Grotus' Day.
07:01Oh, my God.
07:02St. Grotus' Day?
07:03That's still around?
07:04It is.
07:06And they haven't turned our church into a burger king either.
07:10She's being modest.
07:11She was a terrific Grotus' Day dancer,
07:14made your children look like poison sheep.
07:17Best girl between the Vlotneys and 15 counties.
07:21Not the Vlotneys.
07:23God, I hated that awful Vlotney dance.
07:25You loved it.
07:26She begged to go.
07:28She dragged me seven blocks by my pigtails
07:31to some stinking butcher shop full of drunk uncles.
07:34I couldn't even see my feet through the flies and the cigarette smoke.
07:37When I was 16, I worked up the nerve to tell her I wanted to quit.
07:41She fed me nothing but bark for a week.
07:43It's her stupid idea of a joke.
07:47You're not around fancy big shots with all their teeth sipping wine.
07:52These are real people.
07:54You will not embarrass me in front of my friends
07:56by spitting on who you are and where you come from.
08:02Fine.
08:05Oh, Voshnik bread.
08:08I haven't had this in years.
08:11Does it work or just cram its face with bread?
08:15She works and not on her back like your slut daughter.
08:19Can she make a St. Grotus' Day tart?
08:23I'd have left her in the forest with her hand nailed to a stump if she didn't.
08:30You will make the tart this year.
08:32The tart?
08:33By myself?
08:34That thing's gigantic.
08:36Yes, let Ida's daughter rest.
08:40The old ladies with arthritis can make the saintest tart.
08:44Ida's daughter can sit on her gigantic ass all day and eat bread.
08:49Jelly, dear.
08:51Fine.
08:52I'm here for five days.
08:54I was expecting to be miserable anyway.
08:57I'll make the tart.
08:58We got to start it for you.
09:11No!
09:12Not my eyes!
09:14Not my baby's eyes, too!
09:17Hey, Dad.
09:29What do you want?
09:33I wanted to trade my fruit roll up for a strawberry one.
09:36Sorry, son.
09:40Of course you can't.
09:41But ask for it like a man.
09:43Don't go creeping around the kitchen!
09:44I'll just come back later.
09:46You seem busy.
09:49Hey, Dad.
09:50Check out tonight's movie.
09:52They peeled my face.
09:55The director went to jail for using real corpses.
09:58Listen, Reese.
09:59I wanted to talk about movie night.
10:02Really?
10:03I wasn't going to say anything because it's so gay to talk about feelings.
10:07But I used to feel bad that we don't spend any time together.
10:11And now I find out that the one thing I like the most that everyone else thinks is creepy,
10:16my dad likes it, too.
10:17How great is that?
10:19Really great.
10:38It doesn't have to be so hot.
10:41It's like 95 degrees in here.
10:44Yes.
10:44We'll turn on the air conditioning and let the park collapse so you can live like a movie star.
10:51Let's see how you did.
10:53No, it's not done yet.
10:55I was nine hours into it when you made me start over because the almonds weren't facing for dudes.
11:01You made vomit.
11:05The saint killed our enemies, then went to hell to ask Jesus to increase the severity of their punishment,
11:12and you reward him with vomit?
11:15You might as well wipe yourself with the beard of the Most Holy Patriarch.
11:21Why is my tart vomit?
11:24Stop your temper tantrum!
11:26Look here.
11:27The 15th layer.
11:29You put apricots.
11:31Is that correct?
11:32The saint didn't slaughter the peacemakers on the 15th.
11:36He waited till the 16th when they trusted him.
11:40This thing has like 35 layers.
11:43Who's going to know where the apricots are?
11:45So if you steal and no one knows, that makes it okay?
11:49I taught her better than that.
11:51Till my arm was going to fall off.
11:53She has to start over.
11:55What?
11:56Oh, this is ridiculous.
12:01Don't blame yourself, I don't...
12:04She was born rotten.
12:06That's why the goat refused to breastfeed her.
12:13Can I at least have a rag to tie around my head to keep the sweat out of my eyes?
12:17Oh, yes, your majesty.
12:21How Ida must suffer.
12:23We have to start from the very beginning.
12:27What do you feel?
12:29I don't feel anything.
12:31It's just dinging and it's annoying.
12:34What the hell is wrong with you?
12:36Babies understand this music.
12:39I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
12:41You're teaching me bad on purpose.
12:42Great.
12:43Now you're stupid and crazy.
12:46Am I?
12:46I asked to learn the one thing that makes you special.
12:49Your stupid music.
12:51But you can't stand that, can you?
12:52You've been sabotaging me from day one.
12:55That's it.
12:55I quit.
12:56You can't.
12:58You made a promise.
12:59I did not.
13:00We've tried everything and you're an idiot.
13:04You're not walking away from this, Dewey.
13:06You're going to help me beat this.
13:08I don't care.
13:09Fail your course.
13:10I dropped that class last week.
13:13Then why are you bothering me?
13:16Because you know music and I don't.
13:18And that's not fair.
13:19It's totally fair.
13:21You just hate that you don't get to be better than everybody and everything all the time.
13:26Music's my only thing.
13:28And you know what?
13:29It's greater than everything you have put together.
13:32Because it's about beauty and love and feeling.
13:36And not about proving what a creepy little genius you are to everybody.
13:40So excuse me.
13:41I'm going to appreciate music.
13:44It's all the sweeter because I know you can't.
13:51Oh my god.
13:55Dewey.
13:55Are you okay?
13:56I'm sorry.
14:03I'm deaf.
14:05I'm deaf.
14:07Oh my god.
14:11Mom's going to kill us!
14:12Shut up.
14:12Calm down.
14:13I'm sorry.
14:14I'm so sorry.
14:15Your hearing will probably come back in a while.
14:17Please, just don't say anything, okay?
14:19Let's just keep in this quiet for a while.
14:21Do you understand?
14:26Does a punch mean yes?
14:30Good.
14:31I finished.
14:39I almost gave up when I thought I'd burn the prunes.
14:42But then I fell into this rhythm and just lost track of time.
14:46Next thing you know, it's done.
14:48And it came out perfect.
14:51It was a lot of work.
14:52But you know something?
14:54It feels good.
14:55What's that?
15:01That's the real dog.
15:03You kept screwing up.
15:06We just knew it would be easier for everyone if we just made it ourselves.
15:11But I worked for days.
15:13Oh, sorry.
15:15I know you'd rather be at the disco, shaking your backside at a bunch of drug addicts.
15:22Yes.
15:23Oh, you like St. Grotus' day, huh?
15:30You like turds?
15:32Well, what are we waiting for?
15:34Let's celebrate right after night this morning.
15:38Hi-ya!
15:40Hi-ya!
15:40Hi-ya!
15:42Hi-ya!
15:43Hi-ya!
15:44Hi-ya!
15:45Hi-ya!
15:46Hi-ya!
15:47Hi-ya!
15:48Hi-ya!
15:49Hi-ya!
15:50Hi-ya!
15:51Oh!
15:52Hi-ya!
15:57Hi-ya!
16:02Ah!
16:03Well, maybe next time you'll think better before criticizing other people's desserts.
16:33What are you doing?
16:39Oh, Malcolm.
16:40I didn't hear you.
16:42I wonder why.
16:44Why don't you have a seat?
16:46Now, I know some people say an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
16:55But I think it's simple fairness.
16:58I don't know what you're talking about.
17:00Just say what you mean.
17:02You seem confused.
17:05You want me to help you?
17:09Well, let's see if I can make it loud and clear.
17:16I can't do it.
17:21I guess I'm just a better person than you are.
17:27I don't know.
17:28There's some diabetes medicine in the fridge you may want to destroy.
17:41I am not going to be the bad guy in this, Mother.
17:43I just want to understand my daughter's behavior.
17:46Why are you so frustrated?
17:48Is your husband failing to perform his shameful duty?
17:52Mother, just shut up and leave me alone.
17:55After all the saints did for us, all the enemy churches he burned, why would you destroy his holy cookie?
18:04It doesn't even taste good.
18:06It's not supposed to taste good.
18:08It's supposed to be hard to make.
18:10I can't believe you would humiliate me in front of my friends.
18:13Friends?
18:14Those women are monsters.
18:16They treat me like garbage.
18:18How come they be your friends?
18:20I need some people I can talk to, Lewis.
18:22Well, you used to need me.
18:24I'm going.
18:36Alright, so now we're both deaf, but that's okay.
18:40We've had a while to practice now, and we're pretty confident we can hide it from Dad.
18:45Boys, listen, I'm going to grab the TV and hide it until your mother gets back.
18:50I'm going to tell Reese that it was stolen by junkies.
18:53He's desperate for a quick fix.
18:55If he ever suspects you didn't hear it from me.
18:58Oh!
18:59God.
19:03Hey, Dad.
19:04The guy at the video store finally admitted they have a secret room behind the snuff elves.
19:09I'm going to go check it out.
19:11Sounds like a plan.
19:16Boys, give me your hand here.
19:18Boys, help!
19:20Boys!
19:21Help!
19:22Boys!
19:23Help!
19:24Boys!
19:25Help!
19:26Help!
19:27Help!
19:28Help!
19:29Help!
19:30Help!
19:31Help!
19:32Help!
19:33Help!
19:34Help!
19:35Help!
19:36Help!
19:37Oh!
19:38Oh, for God's sakes, what's wrong with you?
19:41Help!
19:42Save your father's eyes!
19:44Ah!
19:45Ah!
19:46Ah!
19:47Ah!
19:56This makes up for everything.
20:03Is that supposed to empress me?
20:05Mother, I swear to God, I almost quit twice between the first and the second corset.
20:10I am this close!
20:12All right.
20:13You want to dance?
20:17We dance.
20:21What are you doing?
20:22I'm not dancing in this thing.
20:26Which gets in the way.
20:32Begin we now, devotionists aboard, to dance where mistakes are long remembered.
20:52Go do!
20:56You had to dance well.
21:02I was listening to my team.
21:03Well, I'll do some time coming.
21:13Come out.
21:15Wow, yeah.
21:16Aah!
23:48Like when you were so excited to teach me baseball when I was six and I couldn't tell you how totally boring it is.
23:56But that look on your face when I got you your first mid.
24:00It's the same face I use when I get underwear for Christmas.
24:03Wow! It's like you read my mind!
24:10It's not so bad. We're both just liars for a good cause.
24:15Yeah. Like that stupid camping trip.
24:19I love that camping trip.
24:21That's what I meant.
24:25Hi Dewey!
24:27Mom! Your voice! Your beautiful voice! I can hear you!
24:35Well, it's nice to see you too, honey.
24:39Every morning there's damn birds! They can't keep...
24:49Wait! I can hear!
24:53I can hear! Oh my God! I'm so happy!
25:05Oh my God.
25:07I can hear you.
25:08I can hear you.
25:09Oh my God.
25:25Oh my God.