Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 12 Living Will
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00:00I sure did.
00:02Here's Malcolm's first day of school.
00:04Oh!
00:06Remember when we lost Dewey at the flea market?
00:10Still keeps great time.
00:14You want to go through the arrest reports?
00:16I'll pour some more wine.
00:20Yes, no, maybe.
00:24I don't know.
00:28Can you repeat the question?
00:32You're not the boss of me now.
00:34You're not the boss of me now.
00:38You're not the boss of me now.
00:40And you're not so big.
00:42You're not the boss of me now.
00:46You're not the boss of me now.
00:48You're not the boss of me now.
00:50And you're not so big.
00:54Life is unfair.
01:24But sometimes good lumpy.
01:26But not usually.
01:27So definitely it's going to be raisin bran.
01:30No, eggs!
01:32You're having raisin bran.
01:33God, thank you.
01:35Hal, I don't know why you have such a hard time making decisions.
01:41Hal, sweetie, you have to decide.
01:43For your birthday, do you want a petting zoo or a clown?
01:48Blow?
01:54Who knows? Probably no reason.
01:58You might as well ask me why I'm afraid of clowns and snakes.
02:03Morning, everybody.
02:04Hey, Craig.
02:05Thanks for offering me a ride to work today. That's nice of you.
02:07My pleasure.
02:09Hey, gee whiz, you know who I haven't seen in the longest time?
02:12Your boys.
02:13I think I'll just drop in and say an innocent hello.
02:18Hey, boys, what do you say the four of us have a giant tickle party?
02:21Okay, that was just a cover. I did want to alarm your parents.
02:24What's going on?
02:25I need you guys to teach me how to fight.
02:28There's this jerk who's always picking on me and I'm sick of it.
02:32Why are you asking us?
02:34Because this guy's stronger and faster than me.
02:36The only chance I've got is if I fight dirty.
02:39And let's face it, your family's legendary for that.
02:42Well, people exaggerate.
02:45Please, you've got to teach me everything you know.
02:47I don't think that's such a great idea.
02:49I mean, I teach you some tricks.
02:52You teach them to someone else.
02:54He teaches them to another guy.
02:56And sooner or later, I'm in a fair fight.
02:58Sorry, Craig.
03:00What am I supposed to do?
03:02I came to you guys asking for help
03:06because that's what I thought friends do for their friends.
03:10Dude, calm down.
03:11I thought we meant something to each other.
03:14I mean, after all these years.
03:16After everything I've done for you.
03:18Craig, stop it.
03:20I can't help it.
03:21Okay, I guess we can teach you a few moves.
03:26Just stop crying.
03:28Really?
03:29I mean, you're not just saying that?
03:32You'll teach me how to fight dirty?
03:34Yes, but you're going to have to fully commit to this.
03:38And you need to know that once you start training with us,
03:41you're going to see the world differently.
03:43And there's nothing we can ever do to restore your innocence.
03:47Thank you so much.
03:49You guys are the best.
03:52You hug me and the lesson starts right now.
04:00Hi, I'm Peter Rubin from Bernstein, Wyatt and McCormick.
04:03Are you ha-
04:04Look, I'll tell you what I tell all the other lawyers.
04:07Look around!
04:08This skeleton has been picked clean, but go ahead, sue away!
04:12Actually, that's not why I'm here.
04:15I'll leave you a copy of the will to go through on your own,
04:18but the bottom line is that Mr. Edelman has given you
04:21power of attorney.
04:23The family on the corner with the boat on the lawn?
04:25I barely even knew the man.
04:27Why would he give me power of attorney?
04:29Well, there's some difficult family issues involved,
04:32and he wanted someone impartial.
04:34Apparently, he considers everyone else
04:36in the neighborhood a friend.
04:38So I'm the one that has to decide
04:40how all his stuff gets divided?
04:42What? No.
04:44Oh, thank God.
04:45No, he's not dead.
04:46He's in a coma on life support.
04:48You have to decide whether or not to pull out
04:50the plug.
04:53What am I going to do?
04:55A man's life is in my hands.
04:58This isn't paper or plastic.
05:00This is life or death.
05:02There's nothing more life or death than life or death.
05:05Hell, calm down.
05:06Panicking isn't going to help.
05:08You know, this is all your fault.
05:09What?
05:10I am completely unprepared for this.
05:13I've had no practice.
05:14I haven't made a decision around here in years.
05:17When exactly did it get to the point where you make
05:19all the decisions in our marriage?
05:21When you said, Lois, I want you to make
05:23all the decisions in our marriage.
05:25Well, you didn't have to listen to me.
05:28Oh, God, all this stuff racing through my mind.
05:32I can't eat.
05:33I can't sleep.
05:34Oh, hell.
05:35If you want, I'll make the decision for you.
05:38No.
05:39I was given this responsibility.
05:42A man entrusted his fate in my hands.
05:45I can't just shrug that off.
05:47I can do this.
05:49I just need to focus my mind on the problem
05:52and think clearly.
05:59Yes.
06:00I've got it.
06:02Lois, I've made the decision.
06:07Wanna guess what it is?
06:08Hell.
06:09Oh, all right.
06:10I'll keep trying.
06:13Craig, I'd like to welcome you to the first day
06:16of your new, more vicious life.
06:19I give you the human body.
06:23For clarity, we've divided it into the three
06:25major theaters of operation.
06:28The head.
06:30The torso.
06:34And what are those?
06:36You know what those are.
06:38Now, the first thing you need to know is that
06:40this is all about pride.
06:42Do you have pride, Craig?
06:44Yes.
06:45Okay, that is not the answer I was looking for.
06:47You show me a man with pride,
06:49and I'll show you a man with limited options.
06:52Let's say that this is your opponent,
06:53and he's coming after you.
06:56Hey, man.
06:57We can work this out.
06:58I didn't know she was your girl.
07:03See?
07:04Now he's blind and need the time to really get creative.
07:07Personally, I like to leave at least one sense intact
07:10so he knows what's happening to him.
07:13I knew I came to the right place.
07:16Okay, Dewey.
07:17You're up.
07:19Okay.
07:20First, I'm going to need you to take off your glasses.
07:23Ow!
07:24My eyes!
07:25I didn't know we were starting!
07:28There is no starting in dirty fighting.
07:31Life is one big fight from the day you're born to the day you die.
07:36Okay, maybe we should slow down a little.
07:39Ow!
07:41Time out!
07:43Time out!
07:45We're wasting our time here.
07:47Let's just kick him in the kidneys and call it a night.
07:49No!
07:50Please!
07:51I know I suck, but I want to be better.
07:54Please!
07:55I'll try harder!
07:56I promise!
07:58Let me try something.
08:01Alright, Craig.
08:02Listen.
08:04I want you to think.
08:06I want you to visualize every bully that ever picked on you or beat you up.
08:11Really see the look of contempt on their faces as they pounded on you.
08:17You got it?
08:19Now, picture what they were looking at.
08:23Oh, it's disgusting!
08:40Is he going for the plums?
08:52It appears so.
08:57Well, you sure won't have to worry about the guy's children coming after him.
09:06Look at him.
09:08He can't even move and still you can see how much he's suffering.
09:14Lying there.
09:16Enduring the pain.
09:18Hour after endless hour.
09:22You can see in his face he's just begging to be put out of his misery.
09:27It's awful.
09:29Oh, God, yes.
09:30Look at him.
09:32Look how hard he's fighting.
09:34Those clenched hands.
09:35The set of his jaw.
09:37It's inspiring to see such a fierce will to live.
09:41He really wants to make it.
09:44It's beautiful.
09:46He's really good.
09:47There's extra pudding if there's-
09:48Okay, it was a good plan having the guy meet you here.
10:00We set up a few things to give you a little edge if you get in trouble.
10:16There's a broken bottle in that pile of leaves and a can of bug spray under the big wheel.
10:20If it runs out, it still makes a great blunt object.
10:23Remember, we're here for you.
10:25Unless it looks like you're getting a total beating, then I might have to take his side.
10:29Don't worry.
10:31I hate this guy more than anyone on Earth.
10:34This jerk is gonna finally get what he deserves.
10:38Reggie!
10:40Is that you back there?
10:42Hello, Dad.
10:44For God's sake, son. You have no upper body strength at all. I know girls that could get out of this hole.
11:04Get your foot off my neck so I can kill you.
11:08Craigie, do you have any idea how pathetic you look right now?
11:12Do you even care?
11:13Are you so wrapped up with being a useless piece of pudge that you can't even see how embarrassed you're making me?
11:22Um, I think he needs to breathe.
11:26I'm gonna let you up now.
11:28I want you to dust yourself off, suck in your gut, and introduce me to your friends.
11:35I'm not doing anything you tell me! I hate you!
11:38And I wasn't even choking! I was faking it!
11:41Vic Feldspar.
11:44Nice to meet you, boys.
11:46I'm this one's father, I guess.
11:48Father?
11:49Ha! You pretended not to know me at the father-son picnic!
11:52Sorry I wasn't swelling with pride while I watched you suck the butter off other people's corn cobs!
11:59You wonder why I'm so messed up?
12:01It's because from the day I was born, I've heard nothing but four-count burpees and constant lisping criticism!
12:09Why don't you go back to San Diego and all your macho friends?
12:13I'm not leaving until you seriously think about my offer!
12:19I don't want your stupid gymnasiums! I told you!
12:24Craigie, the people in Chicago put in a very nice bid. I can't put them off anymore. This is your last chance!
12:31Whoa, whoa, whoa. He wants to give you a string of gymnasiums?
12:34As long as he can get me back under his thumb!
12:37Actually, I'm giving him up either way. It's time for me to retire.
12:41I got a top-of-the-line Fleetwood RV. I'm going to drag it across America with my teeth.
12:48Son, don't be an idiot. There's still a chance I can fix you!
12:53I don't care. I'm not going back with you. I escaped and I'm staying escaped!
13:00Okay, you're obviously hysterical. I've got to start my 30-mile run. That gives you 2 hours and 16 minutes to calm down.
13:10Meet me at Applebee's and we'll try to discuss this like grown-ups.
13:16I'll come, but it'll be for the great service and atmosphere, not for you!
13:23Dad, what are you doing?
13:31I am making a decision tree. It is a tool to help you make difficult decisions.
13:39First, I started out with two branches. One for pulling the plug, the other one for keeping them alive.
13:44Then I made branches from those branches for all the possible outcomes.
13:49I'm getting it all out of my head so I can see what I'm dealing with logically.
13:53Pulling the plug causes feeling of God-like power, forced to kill again?
13:58Well, I am trying to cover everything, but now I have gone through all the possibilities and I really think I am zeroing in on a decision.
14:07All your outcomes on pull the plug assume that he dies right away.
14:10Yes, Dewey, that's what pulling the plug means.
14:14Not necessarily. He could continue to live without his respirator.
14:18His body wasting away while he struggles for breath, like a fish on a dock gasping for air.
14:24Slowly suffocating over the course of weeks, or even months.
14:28I read about this one-
14:30Thank you, Dewey!
14:32Like I don't get enough that I know it, I'll stop my mouth!
14:39Here you go, Craig. I made your favorite. Lemon meringue pie.
14:42I want to thank you people for your hospitality.
14:45Opening your house up to me and the living garbage disposal over here.
14:50It's our pleasure. I hope you like dinner. I wasn't sure whether to make a chicken or a ham.
14:57Chicken or ham? Boy, that's a tough one. Chicken or ham? Your life must be a living hell.
15:05So did Craig tell you how he got honorable mention for his community garden?
15:09Sitting on his ass making food? Sounds about right.
15:13Hello.
15:21Oh, yes. Dr. Sampson.
15:25Hal, you promised us a decision a week ago.
15:28The hospital needs this room for urgent care patients.
15:31Now we have to either pull the plug of Mr. Edelman, or move him to a private intensive care facility.
15:36We have to have your decision now. Right now.
15:39Okay, listen. I'm gonna need your help here.
15:42Just strictly from an emotionless, purely medical standpoint, what should I do?
15:49Pull the plug. Let him live.
15:52Dammit, Georgie. You know the chances for a coma patient waking up are practically zero.
15:57Practically zero does not mean zero. Why the hell do you give up so easily?
16:01He showed no activity, no responsiveness, no eye movement for a month. It's over.
16:06You know as well as I that patients can be in a persistent vegetative state for years and still recover.
16:12We can argue about this all day. We're not gonna get anywhere. It's up to you. Just put an X somewhere.
16:18There.
16:23What's wrong with him?
16:24The doctors called it hysterical conversion disorder. It's psychosomatic.
16:29Apparently he's paralyzed from the waist up.
16:33Waist up?
16:34Dad, what is it?
16:42Dad, what is it?
16:43I think he's thanking you.
16:58Dad, what are you doing here? I told you no at Applebee's, no at Malcolm's house, and no all the way home as you jogged alongside my car.
17:11I wanted to give you something.
17:14What is it?
17:16Used to call that your unk unk. Your mother bought that for you the day she found out she was pregnant.
17:22The only day I saw her happier was the day you were born.
17:28Wow.
17:30I haven't been totally honest with you, son.
17:33But before I go, I owe you the truth.
17:37I never made it a secret how disappointed I am with the way you turned out.
17:42But what you don't know is, if your mother was alive today, she'd be just as disappointed.
17:52What?
17:53Opening those gyms wasn't just my dream, it was your mother's dream too.
17:59Fitness was her life, and it was her dying wish for you to embrace a life of health and vitality.
18:08Why didn't you ever tell me that?
18:10Because I kept thinking if I pushed you enough, eventually you'd turn yourself around.
18:17But, apparently to you, I'm an annoyance, not an inspiration.
18:26No, you're-
18:27It doesn't really matter.
18:30Your mom's in heaven now, crying at the waste you made of your life.
18:35I know you don't want to run those gyms to please me, but you might want to consider doing it for your mother.
18:43Do those jumpsuits come in extra large?
18:50I've waited all my life to hear those words!
18:55It's been four days, Hal. I've tried to be patient, but this has gone on long enough.
19:06You've got to snap out of it.
19:08Look, I'll admit you've been resourceful. You've learned to do so many things. And the sex has been interesting. But you can't go on living like this.
19:20I don't think I don't know what this is all about, Hal. You're trying to avoid making this decision. This is not going to work. And frankly, this whole thing is beneath you. It's a coward's way out, Hal.
19:34You think I wouldn't like a paralyzed vacation? Everyone waiting on me hand and foot? But you know what? It doesn't work that way. You can't make up ridiculous illnesses just to get out of doing what you don't want to do.
19:53Oh, for God's sake. Do you have any idea how insane you're acting? I'm just glad that your boys aren't here to see this.
20:10Oh, Hal. You changed Jamie's diapers with those feet.
20:15Oh, Hal.
20:18Hal?
20:22Hal?
20:28Reese, how could you just leave him in there?
20:31Every time I pulled him out, Jamie started crying.
20:33Okay, this is ending right now. You are going to stop being paralyzed and you are going to make this decision.
20:52I know you think you can't do this. I know you're worried you'll choose wrong.
20:56But, Hal, you had a very hard choice to make in your life before and you made not only a good decision, you made a brilliant one.
21:04You decided to marry me.
21:09No one thought it was a good idea.
21:11All your friends thought you were making a horrible mistake.
21:15Your parents, my parents, they all said I was a pushy, opinionated, loudmouth.
21:19But you knew I was perfect for you. And I am. It's the best decision anyone's ever made.
21:28Every day I wake up grateful for that brilliant, brilliant decision.
21:34And you can do it again, Hal. I know you can.
21:43Well, with you it was obvious.
21:45You've been so honey.
21:50You better say your goodbyes quickly. We need to squeeze in a lake swim before we head to the airport.
21:55But, ready? Begin.
21:57I'll miss you guys.
21:59Craig, you don't have to do this.
22:01Let's face it, I don't have any better options.
22:04It's your lunch time.
22:10That's his lunch?
22:11Every day until he drops 90 pounds.
22:15These pills here are my own formula.
22:18It's got three times the RDA of all your basic vitamins and nutrients.
22:23Sadly, it doesn't contain any character.
22:28See ya, Craig.
22:30I guess this means I don't owe you that 50 bucks anymore.
22:35I'll think of you every time I open a jar of mayonnaise.
22:37So, um, Vic, Craig's mom was a real fitness buff, huh?
22:43Absolutely. She did a triathlon the day after giving birth to Craig.
22:48There was no stopping that woman.
22:50Really? No stopping this woman?
22:56Give that back!
22:58Mama?
22:59Oh, my God, she's beautiful.
23:04I thought you said all the photos of her were destroyed and the twister that killed her.
23:09What did you want me to say?
23:11That your mother ran out on me with a guy who owned a pie shop?
23:16That after years of slaving away to give that woman everything, she decided she wasn't attracted to me anymore?
23:22That I wasn't man enough for her?
23:25Come on, Craig. What would that have done to your self-esteem?
23:30So, my mom is alive?
23:33Oh, great. So now this is all going to be about her.
23:37How could you do this to me?
23:40How could you lie to me all these years?
23:42I did what I thought was best for you.
23:46No, you didn't. You did what you thought would punish her all this time.
23:49You weren't yelling at me, but at this beautiful, beautiful woman.
23:56Dad, I'm not going with you.
24:00My life isn't a mess. I love my life.
24:04I love my job. I love my cat. I love my friends.
24:08I've made something of myself.
24:10I'm desk sergeant at my neighborhood watch and a 14th level elf cleric.
24:16I am not going to throw that away.
24:19You almost sounded like a man for a second.
24:24Goodbye, Dad.
24:31You actually have a pretty good grip there, son.
24:35That's my joystick hand.
24:37Hal, I'm so proud of you for making such a great decision.
24:43And such a surprising one.
24:46I thought your only choices were life or death.
24:49Who would have thought there was a third option?
24:51People aren't willing to think outside the box.
24:54See, the answer was there all the time.
24:57Someone just had to see it.
24:58Once I found out he was a bird lover, well, it all made sense.
25:03And everything was at Radio Shack?
25:05Everything but the hat.
25:07You know what, Hal?
25:09Your solution was so brilliant.
25:11Would you mind walking me through it one more time, step by step,
25:15just so I understand it completely?
25:17Honey, no. It was so exhausting.
25:19I don't think I'll talk about it ever again.
25:23Well, I suppose it's for the best.
25:25For a first, in the community cast.