Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 7 Hal Sleepwalks
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00:00V-K-U-J-I-R
00:06Jivku. A small, fiddlest bird from Southern Africa.
00:10Love you, son. Go ahead and blow off curfew this weekend.
00:17Well, well, well, look what we have here.
00:21I was just reading about one of these.
00:24Jivku isn't a real word,
00:26but Nazcrep is inviting toothpaste and Mom got 162 points for it.
00:31So don't worry.
00:36Yes, no, maybe.
00:40I don't know.
00:42Can you repeat the question?
00:46You're not the boss of me now.
00:49You're not the boss of me now.
00:52You're not the boss of me now,
00:54and you're not so big.
00:57You're not the boss of me now.
01:00You're not the boss of me now.
01:03You're not the boss of me now,
01:05and you're not so big.
01:09Life is unfair.
01:13I've got to get to work.
01:18You make sure your father gets out of bed.
01:20I don't know why, but he hasn't slept for the last four nights.
01:23So if you have to, yell fire.
01:25If that doesn't work, set one.
01:27Why would your mother buy me pants without a zipper?
01:37Dad, you have them on backwards.
01:39Oh.
01:40Malcolm, I need your help.
01:43Our 20th anniversary is coming up,
01:45and I've been going crazy trying to think of the perfect gift for your mother.
01:48It has got to be something really fantastic, and I've got nothing.
01:53Maybe you're trying too hard.
01:55Why don't you just do something simple?
01:57You know, get a bottle of champagne, watch a sunset, recite a poem to her?
02:03So you just use the genius thing on yourself, is that it, son?
02:07Come on!
02:08This anniversary has got to make up for 19 crappy celebrations.
02:13You have no idea the hell I've put that woman through.
02:38I wish I could say that was the low point of the day.
03:04Chad?
03:06Are you trying to make Coach Cleary burst into flames again?
03:12If we do, you won't believe it.
03:14It's the most amazing thing ever.
03:16We made friends with the normal kid.
03:18He spoke to us and everything.
03:20It was...
03:23Calm down.
03:25Just breathe, okay?
03:28All this time we thought he hated us.
03:31Who is it?
03:32Kyle Rogers.
03:33Yeah, Kyle.
03:34He likes us so much that he put both our names in to run for student body president.
03:40Wow.
03:41He said he can't wait to hear our campaign speeches.
03:44Really?
03:45Yes!
03:46I feel like I'm in a dream.
03:48Except there isn't an armless scarecrow who can't stop crying.
03:51This is so great!
03:52But we have to promise that we'll both stay friends no matter what happens.
03:58Don't worry, Zoe.
03:59We won't let anything come between us.
04:02Even though we're both competing for this great honor.
04:07Congratulations.
04:08Thanks.
04:09Congratulations.
04:18Hey, Dewey.
04:19What'd you do, rat mail to Mr. Myers?
04:22Of course not.
04:23I just figured since you're so interested in the democratic process, I'd nominate you to run for school president too.
04:29What?
04:30I've got to admit it's clever making Hanson and Zoe run for office.
04:34They're going to be humiliated.
04:36The only thing more humiliating would be losing to them.
04:40Ow!
04:41Leave it alone!
04:42Nobody can even seize it back there!
04:44Stop squirming so I can clean it!
04:46You know a little more effort on your personal grooming wouldn't kill you.
04:53Sunday nights before bed your father goes over every square inch of his body with a hand mirror.
05:00Oh my god.
05:01Do you remember that summer seminar in Arizona that I applied to last year?
05:05Yeah, you didn't get it.
05:06I know.
05:07But somehow my name was entered as an alternate for a study in Europe program.
05:12The guy who was supposed to go was bitten by a tick and now basically lives in a hyperbaric chamber.
05:18So I get to go in his place.
05:19Slow down Malcolm.
05:20We can't afford to help you with that.
05:22That's just it.
05:23It's all paid for.
05:25I'm going to Paris, Prague, Munich, Vienna.
05:28I'm going to be staying in castles.
05:31This is an incredible opportunity.
05:34This is the luckiest thing that's ever happened to me.
05:37I have to do something to protect it.
05:41What?
05:42It's like I feel I should balance it out somehow.
05:45You know, give something back so I don't lose it.
05:47Listen to you.
05:49Something wonderful happens and all you can think about is how the world's going to take it away.
05:53You're growing up.
05:56You, come with me.
06:09What are you doing?
06:11Death, you have to understand.
06:13The reason I missed so many days of school is that the calendar of my watch stopped.
06:17I thought it was Saturday all week.
06:18Put it on the shelf.
06:19The watch?
06:20You want me...
06:21What am I going to do?
06:22Your mother.
06:23It's horrible.
06:24Well, I don't know.
06:25You married her.
06:26What about our anniversary?
06:27It won't fit.
06:28What about the anniversary?
06:29What are you talking about?
06:30It's gotta be the best.
06:31Where is it?
06:32Are you still asleep?
06:33The dogs were right.
06:34I gotta get her a great present.
06:35Dad?
06:36Your shoes untied.
06:37Of course.
06:38Oh, thank you.
06:39Yeah.
06:40Yeah.
06:41Yeah.
06:42Yeah.
06:43Yeah.
06:44Yeah.
06:45It won't fit.
06:46It won't fit.
06:47What about the anniversary?
06:48What are you talking about?
06:49It's gotta be the best.
06:50Where is it?
06:51Are you still asleep?
06:52The dogs were right.
06:53I gotta get her a great present.
06:55Dad, your shoes untied.
06:58Of course.
07:01Oh, thank you.
07:04Yeah.
07:05You are going to have to get her a good present.
07:08She's a great lady.
07:10In fact, I don't know why, but she wants you to give me $20.
07:19That's good.
07:23That's good.
07:24That's good.
07:25She'll know what to do.
07:26Thanks.
07:27I don't know the answer.
07:29Tell me.
07:30Tell me now.
07:31Okay, calm down.
07:32I think you're going to have more success if you can relax, make me a BLT with avocado,
07:38and open up a bag of chips.
07:40Then you can sit at my feet and purr while I eat.
07:43That's it.
07:44What are you talking about?
07:45You've got to vote for me.
07:46All those rumors you've heard are lies.
07:51I don't want to have school on Saturdays.
07:55And I don't wear pull-ups.
07:59I'm glad to see you're so pumped about the election, Kyle.
08:02A lot of kids think they're too hip for student government.
08:06But I think you'll find out how exciting it can be once you organize your first recycling drive.
08:16You know what, Zoe?
08:17I actually hope you win.
08:19Thanks, Hanson.
08:20And I hope you win.
08:24Of course I can't speak for bad, Zoe.
08:27Okay, Chad.
08:28See those kids over there?
08:30They're friends with Kyle's.
08:32On election day, they'd probably be better if they didn't vote.
08:36Okay.
08:39Why don't you go back inside?
08:41You don't want to see this.
08:45Hey, Mom.
08:46You know when I said I was going to give something back?
08:48Well, I was thinking.
08:49Maybe I could work at a homeless shelter, teach some kids how to read.
08:53But then it came to me.
08:55I bought a guitar!
08:58What?
08:59It's perfect!
09:00I mean, Dewey has this incredible musical talent.
09:02I must have it too, I just haven't tried it yet.
09:05How long do you have to return it?
09:0715 days?
09:08If I'm not going to return it?
09:09Well, that'll be long enough for you to figure out you can't do this.
09:14What are you talking about?
09:16I can play music if I want to.
09:18I'm sorry, honey.
09:19You can't.
09:20Your brain doesn't work that way.
09:22You don't have that kind of creative spark.
09:25What?
09:26See, Dewey is a flyer.
09:28He'll just drift and float through life and things will turn out for him.
09:32Now, you and I, we're burrowers.
09:34We're at our best when our heads are down
09:36and we're grinding through a mountain of drudgery.
09:39You don't know that.
09:40Yes, I do.
09:41You actually think you know what I'd be good at before I even try it?
09:45That's right.
09:46Oh, really?
09:47Then tell me, how would I be at scuba diving or mountain climbing or flamenco dancing?
09:53Bad at scuba diving.
09:54Good at mountain climbing.
09:56Flamenco dancing, a disaster.
09:58I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
10:00I'm just telling you what I know.
10:02It's a good thing you weren't John Lennon's mother.
10:05If I were John Lennon's mother, he'd still be alive.
10:13Hey, Reese.
10:14Hey, Dad.
10:15Oh, here.
10:16Got you a new watch.
10:18Thanks.
10:19What'd you do that for?
10:20I don't know.
10:21A thought just popped into my head that you needed one.
10:24And you've no idea why?
10:25Uh-uh.
10:26Wow.
10:27You gotta see this.
10:29I finally found the perfect anniversary present for your mom.
10:32She had this exact music box when we were first married.
10:36Until your brother Francis got a hold of it and smashed it into a million pieces.
10:41Anyway, I'm walking through this antique store in complete desperation.
10:45And there it is.
10:46The same music box.
10:48Oh, what a relief.
10:50I am gonna sleep like a baby tonight.
10:54I have 15 days to learn how to play this thing well enough to totally humiliate my mom.
11:05Seems doable.
11:07...
11:16...
11:27I'm willing to forget I ever saw this.
11:39If you tell me everything you know about sleepwalking.
11:43Sleepwalking?
11:44Well, all I know is it's a dissociative state, which basically is...
11:48Just tell me what causes it.
11:50Well, there's a few things.
11:51It usually happens when a person is under intense emotional or psychological stress.
11:57So, if a sleepwalker stays stressed out, he'll continue sleepwalking?
12:01I don't know, probably.
12:02Beautiful!
12:27Who's a little carpenter?
12:42Jamie's a little carpenter!
12:44You come with me.
12:54I had it!
12:56The gift perfect!
12:58Destroyed!
12:59That little one!
13:01Bad!
13:01Divers!
13:03Come on now.
13:04What happened, happened.
13:06The main thing is, I'm here to help.
13:08Need help?
13:09Can't do it long.
13:09Now, tomorrow, you'll be on your way to work when you'll realize that your favorite son,
13:15Reese, is completely out of hair care products.
13:18So, you'll put together a charming gift basket full of shampoos and styling gels.
13:23Has to be done!
13:25No questions!
13:26Get to work!
13:27It's interesting you'd say that.
13:29Because, actually, there are quite a few projects I've lined up for you.
13:33Oh, but first, I'd like you to do something very important for me.
13:42Important?
13:42Of course!
13:43It's important!
13:44Yes, it is!
13:47I want you to kiss this.
13:51You know, like you really mean it.
13:53Yes, yes, I'll hold.
14:13I hate politics.
14:15The voters don't read.
14:17They don't think for themselves.
14:19They're completely swayed by the last thing they heard.
14:22Whether it's true or not.
14:26Democracy's a failure because, let's face it, people are idiots.
14:31I think you'd feel better about the world, Dewey, if you had a programmable zombie robot.
14:37That's right.
14:38I'm looking to replace the music box with a ballerina on top.
14:41I wouldn't say broken so much as vaporized.
14:44My toddler got a hold of it.
14:46Oh, oh.
14:47Give me that.
14:48So anyway, I would really appreciate it if you could help me a list of local distributors
14:54who might have one.
14:56What are you talking about?
14:58Why on earth would I do that?
15:00Listen, the truth is I'm pretty desperate here.
15:04So if you can just give me some information that can help me track down another ballerina
15:08music box, you can actually turn this into a very special anniversary celebration.
15:14Sorry I'm late.
15:17Oh, please.
15:18Like the orphans would really see any of the money I would give you.
15:22Do you have an orphan there with you?
15:24Could I speak to one, please?
15:25I didn't think so.
15:26You know what?
15:26You people make me sick.
15:29Damn telemarketers.
15:30Hell, you know what I realized on the way home?
15:33Our 20th anniversary is in three days.
15:37Huh.
15:37Just three days, huh?
15:39Boy, talk about time flying.
15:42We'll be here before you know it.
15:4620 years.
15:47You're really going to have to do something special.
15:54She totally did.
15:57I saw her, I swear.
15:59He's a liar.
16:01Vote for me.
16:02Stop screaming at me.
16:04You're not my Goddard counselor.
16:06Guys, guys, calm down.
16:09What's going on?
16:10Zoe thinks she'd make a better president than me,
16:13even though that it's a non-fact that shades her own hair lights.
16:17Oh, yeah?
16:18Well, I wonder how the voters would feel if they knew that Hampton likes to French kiss his poodle.
16:24And I know the Stokes don't lie to me.
16:27What are you doing?
16:27I thought you two were going to stay friends no matter what.
16:31Oh, wake up, Dewey.
16:32There's a little too much at stake here to play that game.
16:35Stop it!
16:36The truth is, you two are nominated as a joke.
16:41But you had a chance to show the rest of the school that you were better than Kyle and his friends.
16:46Now you're no different than they are.
16:50We used to be a team.
16:52You two and the four of me.
16:54We have no idea who you are anymore.
16:57You guys do what you want.
17:00I'm sick of this.
17:05Hell, you didn't even touch your pie.
17:07Oh, yeah.
17:07I'm saving that for Reese.
17:08I have something I want you guys to hear.
17:19I've been practicing.
17:21Really practicing a lot.
17:23And I had an idea for a song.
17:25I don't know if it's any good or not, but it really means something to me.
17:31Do you mind if I play it for you?
17:33Of course not, Malcolm.
17:34We'd love to hear it.
17:35No one knows just what I've been through.
17:46I can't stop the pain inside me.
17:52Now I'm staring out my window.
17:58Children play, they seem so happy.
18:02Why are we here going nowhere?
18:12Why does my light feel so empty?
18:20Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
18:24What are you doing?
18:26That's the Meow Mix song.
18:28No one knows just what I've been through.
18:30Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
18:33Now I'm staring out the window.
18:35Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
18:37I want chicken.
18:38I want liver.
18:40Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver.
18:42Now you know the catch.
18:43Now it's Meow Mix, Meow Mix, Meow Mix.
18:46Okay, okay, stop it.
18:51God, I just spent two days of my life rewriting the Meow Mix song.
18:57I poured my heart into this.
18:59I actually got tears in my eyes writing it.
19:02How pathetic is that?
19:05I clearly have even less talent than you gave me credit for.
19:12Should we tell him the kid recovered from the tick bite and the trip to Yerp's off?
19:17No.
19:19Let him return the guitar first.
19:26I've got to get this.
19:29It has to.
19:31Okay, let's see what you've got here.
19:35These aren't even letters.
19:37Why did I think a zombie could write an essay in Johnny Tremaine?
19:41Come on, we might as well go to bed.
19:42No, don't.
19:43Wait.
19:44I have to get the answer.
19:45Dad, I'm not going to be able to help you with an idea from Mom.
19:48And the other ideas I have for you are just going to land us in jail.
19:51You can help.
19:52You're the one I can talk to.
19:54You're my guy.
19:57Really?
20:01I thought Malcolm was your favorite.
20:03The smart one scares me.
20:05You're normal.
20:06Like me.
20:08Is that why you grabbed me?
20:12You're my guy.
20:16I don't care if everyone thinks selection is a joke.
20:20I'm not screwing around anymore.
20:21You've got to vote for me.
20:23Please.
20:23Whatever you heard about me is all lies.
20:28Hey, Dewey.
20:30Hi.
20:31I've been thinking about what you said.
20:34You're right.
20:35We are better than these jerks.
20:37I'm going to throw the election so Zoe will win.
20:42She'll become popular.
20:44Then she can tell us what we're missing instead of us having to imagine it.
20:48How are you going to do that?
20:49I haven't slept in two days.
20:52And I've been staring into a strobe light for the last 20 minutes.
20:56It's time for everyone else to meet the Hanson.
21:00But until now, only paramedics have seen.
21:04What are you smiling at, Hooper?
21:07I'm not kidding.
21:08Vote for me, damn it.
21:10Just do it.
21:10Thank you, Kyle.
21:12And now for our next candidate, David Hanson.
21:15Good afternoon, Fe, Fe, Teachers and Ski, Ski, Ski.
21:34I'm on a movie and I say to you,
21:46You son of a...
21:49If I'm looking at the cafeteria,
21:54I promise to...
22:00And a racist little to be able to...
22:08And victory for...
22:12I promise to...
22:18And I will work hard to...
22:22And we will...
22:24And then we will...
22:28Just get in it!
22:30What the fuck did I say?
22:35Hanson!
22:36Hanson!
22:37Hanson!
22:37Hanson!
22:38Hanson!
22:40Hanson!
22:40Hanson!
22:41Hanson!
22:42Hanson!
22:43Hanson!
22:43Hanson!
22:45Hanson!
22:46Hanson!
22:48Hanson!
22:49Hanson!
22:50Please, what do you think you're doing?
22:56Look, there's something you should know. Dad's been sleepwalking every night for the past week.
23:02He's in the kitchen right now making me paella.
23:05What are you talking about?
23:06It's because he's stressed out about picking a present for your anniversary.
23:10You're kidding.
23:12Don't worry. Right now he'll do anything you say and he won't even remember the conversation the next day.
23:18So you can go out there and end his suffering.
23:22He's a good man.
23:25Treat him right.
23:30Oh, and don't make him drink out of the toilet.
23:33It's not as satisfying as you'd think.
23:42Hell.
23:43No, not now.
23:45I have to think.
23:47Nothing. I've got nothing.
23:50I know you've been very worried about our anniversary.
23:54Shh. You can't find out about this.
23:57Don't worry. I won't.
23:59Of course, this is the 20th and that's very special.
24:03It has to be.
24:04The best.
24:05So listen very carefully.
24:07Here are the gifts that Lois has been dreaming of.
24:11A three pack of vacuum cleaner bags.
24:14A new heating pad.
24:16Oh, and some of those gel inserts for her work shoes.
24:19Size nine.
24:20That's it.
24:21Yes.
24:22Oh, finally.
24:24The relief.
24:26And one more thing.
24:27There's nothing you love more than changing Jamie's poopy diapers.
24:31You got that right.
24:33I return the guitar.
24:39Mom was right.
24:41I don't have any of Dewey's talent.
24:43But it's okay.
24:44I'm good at a lot of other things.
24:46I've learned a little something about myself.
24:48And I feel good.
24:51Ow.
24:53Vacuum cleaner bags.
24:56Hell, this is uncanny.
24:58This is exactly what I was hoping for.
25:00How on earth did you know?
25:02Come on, honey.
25:03When you've been married as long as we have,
25:05it's like being psychic.
25:06I just know.
25:07Oh, man.
25:10I think Jamie has a present for someone.
25:13I got it.
25:14Oh, I've been waiting for this all day.
25:17Come on, buddy.
25:19Oh, yeah.
25:21Yahoo!
25:23Happy anniversary, Mom.
25:37We'll see you next time.
25:38Yeah.
25:39And you'll be here.
25:40I can be here.
25:41Bye.
25:42Bye.
25:43Bye.
25:44Bye.
25:45Bye.
25:46Bye.
25:47Bye.
25:49Bye.
25:50Bye.
25:51Bye.
25:52Bye.
25:53Bye.
25:57Bye.
25:58Bye.