Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 6 Hal's Christmas Gift
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00:00Oh
00:15Pick ass-o
00:21Yes, no, maybe
00:25I don't know
00:27Can you repeat the question?
00:31You're not the boss of me now
00:34You're not the boss of me now
00:37You're not the boss of me now
00:39And you're not so big
00:42You're not the boss of me now
00:45You're not the boss of me now
00:48You're not the boss of me now
00:50And you're not so big
00:54Life is unfair
00:58Stupid Christmas vacation.
01:15There's nothing to do.
01:17I wish I cared about something.
01:19Then I could do that.
01:21You missed it.
01:22It was so awesome.
01:24What?
01:25Reese just came up with the most fun thing to do.
01:27Riding your bike through the graveyard with your eyes closed.
01:31He smashed in this one gravestone, flew through the air,
01:35hit another gravestone, and landed in an open grave.
01:39Lying in that hole was surprisingly peaceful.
01:43I no longer fear death.
01:45I've been sitting here bored out of my mind for four hours.
01:48Why didn't you invite me?
01:50Didn't we?
01:50No, you didn't.
01:51You walked right by me.
01:52I thought you were going out to the garage.
01:54Huh.
01:56Oh well.
01:57It's not a big deal.
01:58It's just that my feelings are kind of...
02:02Oh crap.
02:04Your what are kind of what?
02:06Nothing.
02:07Forget it.
02:07I think someone has feelings, Dewey.
02:09I do not.
02:10We've got to make this right.
02:12Group hug?
02:13Shut up.
02:14Oh, listen to those feelings.
02:17Come here, you.
02:18Get away from me.
02:20In our house, that's the F word.
02:23Okay.
02:27Okay.
02:28If we get Reese the walkie-talkies with only two channels, we can move $8.20 from his pile
02:34to Dewey's pile.
02:35Then Dewey can get the Spider-Man figure that sticks to walls.
02:38We have enough stuff that sticks to walls.
02:40Dewey can live with the regular Spider-Man.
02:42Just make sure that Malcolm's pile has enough in it that...
02:45Hal!
02:47We don't have a pile for Jamie.
02:50What?
02:50Oh, damn it!
02:54You know, Jamie's not even old enough to know it's Christmas.
02:57We could just...
02:57Hal!
02:58Oh, all right.
03:00This is ridiculous.
03:02$93 to get gifts for four boys.
03:05Well, it's our own fault.
03:06We just weren't frugal enough.
03:08What else can we do?
03:10We're already doing no electricity Wednesdays, lunch lotteries, family flush.
03:16Okay, well, make it work somehow.
03:18Just put it into four piles.
03:23Hello?
03:24Hey, Mom.
03:25Good news.
03:26I decided to come home for Christmas after all.
03:30Francis, that is, um, great.
03:34What a nice surprise that you will be coming home for Christmas.
03:38Yes, we'll have the whole family here exchanging gifts.
03:44Piyama, too?
03:44Of course.
03:46We can't wait to see you.
03:47Well, we can't wait to see you.
03:52Six piles?
03:54Five.
03:54Piyama and Jamie can share.
03:56Excuse me.
04:06I know you didn't think anyone would catch you, but you just slammed your door into my car.
04:11The least you can do is say you're sorry, lady.
04:14You don't have to take that tone.
04:16It's not like I'm hurting your resale value.
04:18I'm sorry.
04:28See?
04:29Like that.
04:30The least you can do is say you're friendly in the arms of the enemy.
04:38I saw a new friend.
04:40It's like the wrong thing.
04:42It's your address of the...
04:44Oh!
04:47Oh!
04:47Oh!
04:47Oh!
04:48Oh!
04:48Oh!
04:48Oh!
04:49Oh!
04:49Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:51Oh!
04:51Oh!
04:52Oh!
04:53Oh!
04:53Oh!
04:53Oh!
04:53Oh!
04:54Oh!
04:55Oh!
04:56Oh!
04:56Oh!
04:56Oh!
04:57Oh!
04:58Oh!
04:58It's a sugar date
05:20What if spring is late
05:22And winter
05:24It's a marshmallow
05:26It's a marshmallow
05:30In the way we're in
05:32When the sun comes to dark and dark
05:36It's the time to play
05:40It's a little
05:41It's a little
05:43It's a little
05:45It's a little
05:46It's a little
05:48It's a little
05:50It's a little
05:52It's a little
05:53And the sun is great
06:00Life's upon you
06:02And it's shiny
06:04So you know it won't breathe
06:07The world is your snowball
06:11See how it grows
06:13When ever it snows
06:18The world is your snowball
06:21Just for a song
06:23So get up
06:25And roll it along
06:28It's sweet
06:29The only world
06:31Made for sweethearts
06:33Take a walk with your favorite
06:36Good
06:37It's a sugar date
06:41What if spring is late
06:43And winter
06:45It's a marshmallow
06:46Oh, the coast and winter
06:50It's such a marshmallow
06:54I don't know what happened
07:06I just lost control of myself
07:09It was like an out-of-body experience
07:12And I was there
07:13Watching this woman go insane
07:15And the woman
07:15Was me
07:17But you know what, Al?
07:19I do it all over again
07:21It felt great
07:22It was almost worth
07:24Destroying my car
07:25Well, honey
07:26The important thing is
07:27No cops were there to see it
07:29No one says a word
07:32This is my one
07:34My one
07:35Until you're 11,000
07:37So
07:39Due to unforeseen circumstances
07:42We are now completely broke
07:44Therefore, I am making a proclamation
07:46This will be a handmade Christmas
07:50We're not spending any money on gifts
07:53They will be homemade
07:55And therefore more personal
07:57And more thoughtful
07:58Well, you can't do this
08:00Well, I think it's high time
08:01We had a handmade Christmas
08:03You boys just don't appreciate the holidays
08:05To you, it's nothing but
08:07A disgusting orgy of materialism
08:09But
08:10No, bots
08:10You're the ones who turned your mother
08:13Into a ticking time bomb
08:14Oh, you just
08:15Thank your lucky stars
08:17That she went off on an innocent bystander
08:20So we had our Christmas feast
08:30Of oatmeal and hot dog buns
08:31Since then, we've been waiting three hours
08:34For Daddy to come out of the garage
08:35What is taking him so long?
08:41What are you talking about?
08:43Nothing you'd be interested in
08:44You don't know that?
08:46If it's interesting to you guys
08:48It's gonna be interesting to me
08:49We were wondering what nose hair smell like
08:51Well, that's very interesting
08:55Hal, hurry up already!
08:59In a minute!
09:00Hal!
09:08Hal!
09:08All right, everyone over by the tree
09:20Open your arms first
09:25Okay, okay, let's see what little Dewey made for his dad
09:29Wow
09:31Where did you find that?
09:35I never take a good picture
09:37I went through every box in the attic
09:39And found that one
09:40I made the frame with mementos of your hobbies
09:43Wait, you made this frame?
09:45Yeah
09:45See, it has a little golf club
09:47A fishing pole
09:48A poker hand
09:49I even pasted it on the jumble you finished
09:52Dewey
09:53This is really nice
09:55Here, Mom
09:57This is for me
09:58Oh, it's so heavy
09:59Wow, Reese
10:04Are these jams?
10:06And candies
10:07I had some sugar left over
10:09So I figured
10:09Why not?
10:10It's Christmas
10:11You made this?
10:13Here, Mom
10:14Here, Dad
10:14Oh, my God
10:17It's a clock
10:19You made this?
10:22I read up on all wood clocks
10:23And then borrowed the tools from Woodshop
10:25See the gears?
10:26They make different patterns as they turn
10:28Oh, I'm very impressed, boys
10:31You all worked so hard on these gifts
10:33Open mine next
10:34It's a sonata I composed for you
10:37Oh, I'll get to it
10:38It's your father's turn to give something
10:41Oh
10:44My gift
10:47Isn't here
10:50Not here?
10:52What do you mean?
10:53Well, we knew the boys would really come through with great gifts
10:56And any present that could top what they did
10:59Can't be here
11:00Can it?
11:03Mary, Chris
11:04You started without us?
11:06Dad's about to give us a really cool present
11:08Is it outside?
11:11I'll find out
11:12Like a treasure hunt?
11:15Alright, let's go
11:16Wow, Mom, this is fantastic
11:27I am so happy to be home for Christmas
11:29You said this house was Satan's trash can
11:34You're courting me out of context
11:36So, Dad, where is it?
11:38Are you supposed to drive to it?
11:41Yes
11:41Yes!
11:43You guessed the first clue!
11:46Everybody into the van!
11:47Let's go!
11:49How?
11:49Merry Christmas, honey
11:51Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
11:59Oh, what fun it is to ride in one horse
12:03Are we there yet?
12:10Yeah, where are we going?
12:11I know
12:12We're going to Disneyland
12:13It's a thousand times better than Disneyland
12:17Cool!
12:25What was that?
12:27A handshake
12:28Now they've got some lame third grade secret handshake
12:33I think I got half of it
12:35We love Dad!
12:37We love Dad!
12:39We love Dad!
12:41We love Dad!
12:43We love Dad!
12:45Woo!
12:48Rest up, everybody out
12:51No eye contact with strangers
12:53Look at him scamper
13:00You don't need to
13:07No
13:07You don't need to
13:09No
13:10Come sign of course
13:23Right down
13:24You can't have said twice as good as Disneyland
13:33You saw those presents, Lois
13:35What was I supposed to do?
13:37My presents were crap
13:38What did you make them?
13:40Lanyards
13:40Still better than what I had
13:43Look, I underestimated these boys, Lois
13:46And they deserve to have a really great Christmas
13:48How much money do we have?
13:51Zero
13:51No, I mean everything
13:52Credit cards, loose change, everything
13:54Oh
13:55Minus $512
13:57What?
13:59Oh for God's sakes!
14:03Can you think of a Christmas reason for stopping somewhere I can sell blood?
14:07Oh, Hal, don't worry about it
14:09It'll be okay
14:10Just need to find something that's a thousand times better than Disneyland
14:14Open on Christmas Day
14:16And free
14:17Just because it's hard, Lois, doesn't mean it's impossible
14:21I am going to make this happen
14:24Hal, we don't even have enough gas to get home
14:26Yes, we do
14:28I did all the calculations, Lois
14:30We are exactly 40 miles from the point of no return
14:33And I promise you
14:35I will figure out a plan by then
14:37If not, I will turn the van around
14:40Just don't rat me out
14:42Please, honey
14:44It's Christmas
14:46I can't wait much longer
14:50Mom, is it really going to be as good as Dad says?
14:56Dewey, I think you'll remember this day for a long time
14:59I think we'll all remember this day for a very long time
15:05All right, since no one wants to raise cigarette butts, I'm out of here
15:12All right, I just have to talk to you about something
15:18It's weird
15:20But lately I kind of feel like I'm being left out by Reese and Dewey
15:24Ah, jeez, look, I'm sorry
15:25You weren't supposed to know about the beach trip
15:27What?
15:28Hey, jeez, watch it
15:30What beach trip?
15:31I took Reese and Dewey to the beach last summer
15:34I would have invited you, but you're over at Stevie's
15:36He lives two blocks away
15:38You have to go by his house to get to the beach
15:41Why is this happening?
15:43I'm the brother everybody likes the best
15:45What are you talking about?
15:47I'm the brother everybody likes best
15:48I meant they're the brothers who are still at home
15:50That's Dewey
15:51What?
15:53Where am I in the pecking order?
15:55Malcolm, I'm not going to stand here in a public toilet
15:57And rank me, Dewey, Reese, Jamie, and you
15:59In order of popularity
16:00So are we getting close?
16:08Now, now
16:09You are not going to trick me into giving it away
16:12It's a surprise
16:14Hell, you're five miles from the point of no return
16:19Look, I know we don't talk about our emotions
16:24But I don't care anymore
16:26I'm just going to lay it out there
16:28My feelings are hurt
16:30There, I said it
16:33They're hurt because you guys are systematically excluding me
16:36Being excluded is extra hard for me
16:39Because I see all the other places I don't fit in
16:41And we're brothers
16:43I really want us to be in this together
16:46What a gas bag
16:51Your feelings aren't hurt
16:52Your ego's bruised
16:54The reason they exclude you sometimes
16:56Is because you're a drag
16:57You always have to be the special one
17:00Even now, this is all about how you feel things more deeply than everyone else
17:04Look, we love you
17:06We just need a break from you every once in a while
17:08Okay
17:15Francis, can I see you up here for a second, please?
17:17I need your help with the radio
17:18I need to borrow $1,800
17:25I'll pay you back over the next six years
17:27And monthly payments of $3,950
17:29I have no money to give these boys a Christmas gift
17:31And I'm not even sure where I'm driving
17:33I hate to ask you, but I don't know what else to do
17:36I don't know
17:39Well, I guess this is as good a time as I need to tell you
17:44I got fired from my job
17:46I'm totally broke
17:47What?
17:49You got fired from a ranch?
17:50It turns out the ATM I was making all of Otto's deposits into wasn't an ATM
17:54So sue me, right?
17:57Anyway, he's suing me
17:58I don't know what we're gonna do
18:01We're not moving back in
18:02There isn't room enough in the house
18:04Besides, Piyama doesn't want to live with us
18:06The Piyama doesn't even know about it
18:07She thinks I'm on vacation
18:09I've been acting like the happiest man in the world the last few weeks just to hide it from her
18:14I have to say, I am a little disappointed in you, Francis
18:16You can't hide something like this from the ones you love
18:19Honesty is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship
18:24I'm sorry I can't help you
18:27Okay, Hal
18:34It's been 40 miles
18:36We are at the point of no return
18:39Hal, turn around
18:44Let's get out and stretch your legs
19:05You coming, Malcolm?
19:11You sure?
19:11I might accidentally talk about myself
19:13You mean like just now?
19:20Hal, what are you doing?
19:22I'm buying time
19:24Look, I don't know how you got me to go along with this
19:26But that's it
19:27The Christmas lie is over
19:2960 more seconds, Lois
19:31You can time me
19:32I'm not
19:32Fine
19:35Whoa, nice rides
19:40Yeah
19:41The fat lady gets a car wash ride in one of these
19:45Nice going, Dewey
19:49I wasn't even touching it
19:51It was you
19:52What'd you do, man?
19:55Wait, wait
19:56Those guys didn't do it
19:58What are you talking about?
20:00I'm not going to let these people take the plan when they didn't do it
20:04It was my dad
20:07He was trying to teach me a lesson, so I want to grow up and be like you
20:14Oh my god, that was awesome
20:24Thanks
20:25That was so cool
20:26Yeah
20:27Okay, honey
20:31You've got 20 seconds
20:33Lois
20:43Lois, there is going to be a Christmas
20:45Hal, no
20:47Oh, no
20:50I seem to have slept on an oil stain left here by a negligent owner or employee
20:56Hal
20:56Oh my god
21:03Are you okay?
21:10Yes
21:10Damn it
21:11Oh, thank goodness
21:13I don't have any insurance
21:15We both dodged the bullet
21:17After I sweep this up
21:20You're getting wiper blades on the house
21:23Hal
21:27You know what?
21:28I saw a trail behind here that leads up into the hills
21:31It's probably something really great out there
21:33All we need is a few flashlights to get started
21:36Hal
21:36It's time for you to face the boys and tell them what's going on
21:40Hal, they're good boys
21:41They forgave you for banjo camp
21:44They'll forgive you for this
21:46And I will try sharing the blame with you
21:48But honey
21:49This has got your fingerprints all over it
21:52You know, you're a pretty good brother after all
21:57Thanks
21:58You look cold
21:59Take my jacket
22:00I think I could have handled those bikers
22:02But with a baby and a chick around
22:04You probably did the right thing, Malcolm
22:06Thanks for thinking of us, Reese
22:08What's this?
22:10Nothing
22:10Give me that
22:11It's a credit card receipt from the clockworks
22:14You bought those clocks?
22:16You have a credit card? Since when?
22:18They sent it to me in the mail a couple months ago
22:20They must have thought I was old enough after I won the physics award
22:24So when I super glued my eyelids shut and I was in the emergency room
22:27We could have used your credit card instead of having to call Mom?
22:30I'm not going to let you jeopardize my credit rating
22:32I want to buy a house someday
22:34Malcolm, you're a jerk
22:35Mom, Malcolm has a credit card
22:38And he bought your Christmas presents with it
22:40What?
22:42Malcolm
22:43You bought those presents?
22:45After everything I've been through?
22:47Oh
22:47We all worked so hard to make this a special Christmas
22:51And you just took a cheap shortcut
22:54Those clocks cost 50 bucks each
22:57I don't care what they cost
22:59This isn't a competition, Malcolm
23:03You know all I really want from you on Christmas is this
23:07I forgive you, sir
23:22Okay, everybody, listen up
23:26I don't want this to ruin our trip
23:28You want to know where we're going?
23:30Yeah
23:31Snow skiing on Mount Bundy
23:37I love Mount Bundy
23:41That's a room for the night
23:48Skate passes
23:49And equipment rentals
23:51Will you be putting that on your credit card?
23:53Let's give it a shot
23:54Oh, yes!
24:11In your face!
24:13Hal, this is the low point, isn't it?
24:21We're not going to sink any further, are we?
24:23What are you talking about?
24:24We've stolen our son's credit card
24:27If it weren't for my rage and your recklessness
24:30Our kids might have a fighting chance
24:32Lois, those are the exact things that make us great parents
24:35If it wasn't for your anchor and my recklessness
24:38We wouldn't be on this amazing ski vacation, would we?
24:44You know, this just might be our best Christmas ever
24:47Francis, I want you to quit your job
24:50What?
24:52Ever since we left on this trip
24:54You just seem so insanely happy
24:57I can't let you go back to that job
25:00You've got to find something else to do
25:02You're right
25:04You know, in fact, let's not even go back to that ranch
25:08I'll call Otto in the morning
25:09And if he doesn't understand
25:11Tough
25:12Okay, so who wants some hot chocolate by the fire, huh?
25:17Yeah!
25:19Enjoy your stay, Malcolm
25:20Thanks
25:21Merry Christmas to you