Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 5 Forwards Backwards
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00:00Give Rhys a slice from the fuzzy side and I didn't see a thing.
00:27Deal.
00:30Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?
00:41You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:51Life is unfair.
01:06That laptop is so sweet, I can't believe you're already upgrading.
01:14Are you sure your dad will sell it to me for 300 bucks?
01:18Minus my 10%.
01:21Six months of tutoring kids who won't even take off their football helmets.
01:27Once I get my birthday money, I'll have it.
01:29You keep your money in a book?
01:34Yeah, it's the one place no one in my family will ever look.
01:36Have you seen your brother?
01:37He was so...
01:38You give me a black eye, you jerk.
01:55You're going to pay for this.
01:56No one is paying for anything.
01:58You are going to drop this.
02:00Ow!
02:00I'm sick of you two fighting.
02:03And you at least should know better, your birthday is coming up.
02:05I only want money.
02:07If you want anything, you will not retaliate.
02:10I don't care who started it, it ends with you.
02:13But he was...
02:13With you!
02:14You're just going to let him have last legs?
02:17Yes, I am.
02:18Now get out of my sight, both of you.
02:20Well handled.
02:26Fighting like that, right in front of me.
02:30How could I possibly have possessed those two boys?
02:48Help me!
02:50Help me!
03:00I'll help you.
03:08Hello there.
03:10Hello.
03:11It's my son's birthday, and I wanted to buy him a comic book.
03:15He only wanted money, but he really loves this stuff,
03:18and it just doesn't seem like a birthday if there's nothing to open.
03:25Do you work here?
03:27I have the con.
03:28Oh, great.
03:31So, uh, do you have any suggestions?
03:34You know, something nice, like $20?
03:38Well, if you're looking for a $20 comic book,
03:42you're in the league for Mr. Incredible.
03:45I don't think he's ready for that.
03:46And for only $20?
03:48Have you lost your mind?
03:50Hey, you guys shut up!
03:51No, tell me about him.
03:53Oh, well, he's incredible.
03:56He's a rock star by day and a superhero by night.
04:00He can shoot flames out of his eyes
04:02and melt his enemy's brains with his mind.
04:05Yeah, I think I read that one.
04:08Sir, there is no Mr. Incredible.
04:11Well, then, then, uh, why?
04:15Sir, the Middle-Earth Sling is for clientele
04:18sophisticated enough to appreciate
04:20cinematic drawing and non-linear storytelling.
04:24And I can see by your office-thrown shirt
04:27that you're not a serious graphic novel collector.
04:30Is there no metamorpho in?
04:32Yes, Ricky, right away.
04:33Wait, wait, wait, I was...
04:34Excuse me, I'm helping a customer.
04:37Oh!
04:41Is that for my costume?
04:46What costume?
04:47The school play.
04:48I'm in the school play!
04:49Oh, right!
04:51You're a tree?
04:52I'm Abraham Lincoln!
04:54I'm reciting the Gettysburg actress!
04:56Why do you always do this to me?
04:58Oh, calm down.
04:59I always pull it together, don't I?
05:01Remember that great Frankenstein costume
05:03I made that everybody loved?
05:05Yeah.
05:06Can we use that again?
05:11Hey, Otto, I think we have some vandals or something.
05:16There's more fences down,
05:18and this time some chickens were killed.
05:20It almost looks like they were stomped to death.
05:22La vaca diablo!
05:24Ha regresado.
05:26It was only the wind,
05:28but the chickens look like they exploded.
05:30Well, obviously, the broken fences flew
05:33to the other side of the ranch,
05:35hitting the chickens in a slamming motion
05:37and dragging them across the ground
05:40in a manner that closely resembles stomping.
05:43You see, there is a perfectly logical explanation
05:47for everything.
05:49La vaca diablo!
05:51Go in lexing!
05:52La vaca diablo!
05:54Perfectly logical!
05:55Was he saying devil cow?
05:57Ah, this is a silly legend.
06:01Many years ago, they say,
06:03there was a cow
06:05who one day tasted human flesh and went bad.
06:10And now, whenever the moon is wet,
06:14she comes down from a mountain lair
06:17to drink the blood of the innocent.
06:22You're talking about a cow.
06:24Yeah, I know, Siri, isn't it?
06:26Hmm.
06:29Oh, my God.
06:38Wake up.
06:40What do you want?
06:42I just want to let you know
06:43you're not getting less licks.
06:45Huh?
06:46I'm sick of you always having an edge
06:48just because you're an idiot
06:48and I'm smart and understand about consequences.
06:51I can be just as vicious
06:52and short-sighted as you.
06:55Oh, yeah.
06:55I'm really scared.
06:57Why don't you just...
06:59Oh, please.
07:03Ah!
07:05What'd you do?
07:07I sunk to your level.
07:10And I have to say,
07:11it feels good.
07:12Ow!
07:13Ow!
07:13Ow!
07:13Ow!
07:14Ow!
07:14Ow!
07:15Ow!
07:16Ow!
07:16Ow!
07:17Ow!
07:17Ow!
07:17Ow!
07:18Ow!
07:18Ow!
07:19Ow!
07:20Ow!
07:21Ow!
07:22Ow!
07:23Ow!
07:24Ow!
07:25Ow!
07:26Ow!
07:27Ow!
07:27Ow!
07:28Ow!
07:28Ow!
07:29Ow!
07:29Ow!
07:30Ow!
07:30How'd comic book shopping go?
07:32Bad.
07:33Bad.
07:34Just out of my depth.
07:36Look, we both hoped it wouldn't come to this, but you know what we have to do.
07:44Hal, we promised ourselves we wouldn't.
07:46What other choice do we have?
07:47Isn't this interesting?
07:48Once more, I'm the only person that can help you.
07:49I'm your best friend when you need someone to pick up your mail or sit on a suitcase.
08:01But when it's time for a barbecue, I have to watch from the car.
08:07I gotta tell you, Hal, this beer is tasting mighty bitter.
08:14I'll take another.
08:15Are you going to help me or not?
08:17I will help you.
08:18But one day, and that day may never come, I will ask you to perform a service for me.
08:24Actually, it'll be tomorrow.
08:27I'll be here about 10, and if it's nice, wear a bathing suit.
08:30What?
08:31What happened?
08:32It's horrible.
08:33What, the rug?
08:34That's no rug.
08:35It's an antelope.
08:36Oh, my God.
08:37It's been completely flattened.
08:38Look, there's pieces in the tree.
08:39Who could have done something like this?
08:40It was me.
08:41You?
08:42Yeah, yeah.
08:43On my moped.
08:44I had to go.
08:45I had to go.
08:46I had to go.
08:47I had to go.
08:48I had to go.
08:49I had to go.
08:50I had to go.
08:51I had to go.
08:52I had to go.
08:53I had to go.
08:54I had to go.
08:55I had to go.
08:56I had to go.
08:57I had to go.
08:58On my moped.
09:00A terrible accident.
09:01It was dark.
09:03It jumped.
09:04Right in front of me.
09:06I had perhaps a few too many cajun martinis.
09:11That should be a lesson to all of us, hey?
09:16Go get a shovel and some sawdust.
09:28Okay, hold still.
09:38I'm going to think I want to be in this play.
09:41You know, I've been doing some reading and this Lincoln person wasn't such a great guy.
09:46Did you know that the Emancipation Proclamation wasn't about slavery at all?
09:51It was strictly a political move.
09:53Honey, you're just nervous because you've never had a part with lines before.
09:57Or where you moved.
09:58For the love of God!
10:00He suspended the writ of habeas corpus in Maryland!
10:06You should have seen Reese.
10:08It was hysterical.
10:09Are you sure you want to push him?
10:14It's the only way to get through to his primitive little monkey brain.
10:18He has to know that I'm not going to back down.
10:21What is this?
10:27Oh my God!
10:28If you can be vicious, I can be smart.
10:31How many copies did you make?
10:33I don't know.
10:34How many copies are there in a pack of 500 sheets?
10:37This isn't over, Reese.
10:39I don't know why you're so upset.
10:41Look at you going like a big boy.
10:51Oh my God!
10:52Oh my God!
10:53Oh my God!
10:54Oh my God!
10:55Oh my God!
10:56Oh my God!
10:57Oh my God!
10:58Oh my God!
10:59Oh my God!
11:00All right.
11:01Two scoops.
11:02Fudge ripple.
11:03Now are we going to the comic book store?
11:06Patience, Luke.
11:07You're reckless.
11:08We've gone to the beach.
11:09We've gone to the movies.
11:10I won you an animal at the church bazaar.
11:13We've gone out for coffee, lunch, slushies, pie.
11:16I can't negotiate unless I'm firing on all cylinders.
11:21Just how many cylinders do you have?
11:25Pull over.
11:26No, you're right.
11:27I'm sorry that wasn't called for.
11:29Pull over.
11:30Craig, I am not pulling over.
11:32Just let me out of the car.
11:34Craig, I am not stopping this car.
11:37All right.
11:38All right.
11:39Just calm down.
11:41You are going to have to learn how to get along without Craig Feldspar.
11:48All right, ducky.
11:57Hey.
11:58Get out of here.
11:59I'm busy.
12:00I'll be quick.
12:01You know, while I was ripping down all those flyers,
12:03I was racking my brain trying to come up with some way to get back at you.
12:07And I began to wonder, what's the point?
12:09No matter how hard I try, nothing ever stops you.
12:13Maybe you're just better at this than I am.
12:15Well, yeah.
12:16Then again, maybe we should ask your friends what they think.
12:22What?
12:23Your friends?
12:24These are your friends, aren't they?
12:26You're always hanging out with them, or near them anyway.
12:29Hey.
12:30Do any of you know this kid's name?
12:34This kid right here.
12:36Do any of you know his name?
12:39But he's always following you around.
12:41You never noticed him before?
12:44So, he's been sitting right next to you for months, just pretending to be your friend.
12:50Wow, that's sad.
12:53Well, uh, his name's Reese.
12:56And guess what?
12:57I'm better than you.
12:59I win.
13:00It's over.
13:01I win.
13:02I win.
13:03I win.
13:04I win.
13:05You're the only one.
13:06It's over.
13:07You.
13:08I win.
13:09Can you stay here?
13:10I win.
13:11I win.
13:12You're the only one.
13:13Could you stay here?
13:14I win.
13:15I win.
13:16I win.
13:17I win.
13:18I win.
13:19I have seen it, Francis.
13:48The devil cow, his head eyes like burning embers and breaths from the bowels of hell.
13:55That's horrible.
13:57More horrible than this?
13:58We must leave this place.
14:00Burn it down.
14:02Start over.
14:04No.
14:05Enough is enough.
14:07We're not running away from a cow.
14:09We're not?
14:10No, we're not.
14:13From now on, I'm lactose intolerant.
14:18Okay, Dewey, here's your costume.
14:27Your father and I will see you at the show this afternoon.
14:30I'm going to throw off.
14:31What if I forget my part?
14:33What if something flies out of my nose like it did at show and tell?
14:37Dewey, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
14:40When you're up on that stage, all you have to do is look out in the front row.
14:44Your father and I will be sitting there.
14:47And you just look me in the eyes and you'll know that everything's going to be all right.
14:52Okay?
14:52And if you still feel like throwing up, use the hat.
15:00Reese totally had that coming.
15:02I'm not arguing.
15:05Seriously, humiliation is the only thing that jerk understands.
15:08Fine.
15:09Why are you taking his side?
15:12Ooh, a birthday card.
15:17Five dollars Canadian.
15:19Pretty good for Grandma.
15:21So, I'll have the rest of my birthday money on Saturday.
15:25So I can give you the 300 bucks for the computer win.
15:27Dear Malcolm, ha ha, now I win your friend, Reese.
15:40We'll try you as an adult.
15:57Oh, yes, I'm looking for a serious graphic novel with cinematic drawings and neat linear storytelling.
16:19Weren't you in here the other day?
16:21No, I don't.
16:22Okay, look, I just want to buy a present for my son, okay?
16:30I don't think that's a crime.
16:32As I see it, my only crime is not knowing as much as you.
16:36Look, you all have parents, don't you?
16:38I am appealing to you as decent human beings to help me give my son a happy birthday.
16:47Hey, man, I'm sorry.
16:48I guess we did kind of get off on the wrong foot.
16:51We all got to start somewhere.
16:55This one's called Dead Man's Shoes.
16:58It's 50 bucks.
17:00It's all about alienation.
17:02I think your son will really like it.
17:06Not so fast.
17:11This transaction does not concern you, Feldspar.
17:15It's Craig Feldspar.
17:17He's a level 45 dungeon master.
17:19What cereal box did you shake this out of, Dean?
17:24It's the first print.
17:25It's totally collectible.
17:26Oh.
17:27Should we check the overstreet?
17:29Wait.
17:30We don't have to.
17:321997.
17:33First and only printing.
17:3550,000 returns.
17:37All in circulation.
17:38I'd keep this in my bathroom.
17:40But not for reading.
17:41This isn't a comic book store.
17:44It's a novelty shop.
17:46Oh, really?
17:49Well, I'd like to see the novelty shop that carries an original Spider-Man number 14 with the first appearance of the Green Goblin.
17:59You're kidding.
18:01And if it's changed to a more respectful tone, it just might make...
18:05What are you doing?
18:06Fear not.
18:08It is the 1993 reprint.
18:11If it had been an original, he would have thrown himself in front of it.
18:15Dude, you told me that was real.
18:17Well, now, let's talk business.
18:26Craig, I can't thank you enough.
18:28That was fantastic.
18:30You were so heroic.
18:33I like to think we all have a little bit of Aquaman right here.
18:37Well, I must say, you really know your stuff.
18:41I'm impressed.
18:42Well, you know, if you're interested, there is a convention next Saturday.
18:47I have a life, Craig.
18:59What the hell are you doing?
19:05You had no right.
19:06You stole from me.
19:08That was my money.
19:09Fine.
19:10Let's see.
19:10I've done 63 laps.
19:14Keep the chain.
19:15Cardi, let's be curious.
19:17It ends here, Reese.
19:19I don't care about the money.
19:20I don't care about my birthday.
19:22I don't care about your safety or mine.
19:25I don't care about anything except making you suffer.
19:29Well, I don't care either.
19:31Fine.
19:32Let's see who cares the least the most.
19:36Okay.
19:37We're talking to the Carcassian community.
19:39This is a game of chicken wings.
19:41He's not going to win.
19:43I'm too angry to play.
19:44When he sees my face, he's going to know he doesn't have a chance.
19:48He's often flying as he guns a car around the track.
19:51Scamming down the pedal like he's never coming back.
19:55Adventure's waiting just ahead.
19:57He'll stop.
19:59I know he'll stop.
20:02Maybe this was just a good...
20:04I should have told him, Doctor, to sew fur and tails on you boys because you're animals.
20:27Only animals would be easier because then I could have you fixed.
20:31For all the good it does, you're grounded.
20:34Again.
20:34Thanks for getting me grounded on my birthday.
20:37Oh, boo-hoo.
20:38I was grounded on my birthday.
20:40I was just standing up for myself.
20:42There is such a thing as justice, you know.
20:44Well, there is such a thing as shut up.
20:46Stop it.
20:48Malcolm, do you remember what you did for your birthday last year?
20:52Nothing.
20:53I was grounded then, too.
20:54And what about your birthday?
20:56You grounded me after I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.
20:59And your birthday before that?
21:02Pretty much this.
21:04Wait, when did you push me off the pony?
21:06Do you realize that neither of you has had a birthday party in his entire life?
21:14Don't you think that's sad?
21:17Every chance you have had for a little happiness, a little something special, you threw it away.
21:26At some point, this has to stop.
21:30Is revenge ever worth it?
21:33Is it worth it now?
21:35Do you feel happy?
21:37There's no reason to compete with each other.
21:40We love you both the same.
21:42There are no favorites in this family.
21:44Where is Dewey?
21:55I said, there's Mr. Lincoln now!
21:59Oh!
22:14We love you, Dewey.
22:16You can do it, son.
22:17We're so proud of you.
22:23Four score and seven years ago
22:30Our fathers brought forth unto this continent
22:41A new nation conceived in liberty
22:51And dedicating to the proposition
23:01But the people
23:05For the people
23:08Shall not perish from this
23:14You know, Daniela could do that, too
23:29If you're a fairhead and scarter for life
23:31Well, bravo
23:32Why don't you have another drink?
23:34Francis, this is not the time to study animal husbandry
23:43We have a cow to kill
23:45There's got to be something in here that can help us
23:47You know what will help us?
23:48The bullet
23:49The bullet is always the answer
23:53Oh my gosh, it is here!
23:55That's it!
23:56I know what we have to do!
23:58I know what we have to do
24:02Oh, Panties!
24:12No!
24:13Please!
24:14Please!
24:15No!
24:15No!
24:16No!
24:19Alright, Bessie
24:20You've been causing a lot of trouble
24:23And it stops now
24:24You are going to be milked
24:29Oh, there you go
24:34You've been up in those mountains so long
24:37All encorched
24:38No wonder you were so angry
24:40You're not evil at all
24:43You're just a lady with a little too much milk
24:46This new game is good
24:53But it doesn't quite buy me off
24:54You still didn't come to my play
24:56How would you like Malcolm's comic book?
25:01I'm starting to get over it
25:04Happy birthday, Malcolm
25:07Thanks
25:08Don't eat that blueberry
25:17I'm saving it
25:18What's the worst that can happen?
25:27What's the worst that can happen?
25:48Do you know what you were saying?
25:55What's the worst that can happen?
25:59What do I have done then?
26:00What have you done now?
26:01These mysteries are toxic
26:03There are terrible
26:04I know a lot of people
26:05But some of which makes life
26:06What have you done
26:07Have you ever done?
26:07Have you done made a difference?
26:08That's what helped me
26:09I don't think
26:10Don't get worth it
26:11Ever
26:12You
26:13Can't make money
26:14What's the worst that can happen?
26:14Then, there are thousands of things
26:16fünf