Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 4 Stupid Girl
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00:00Okay, I ate the cupcakes you baked for Purdue's class last night.
00:09And I took Dad's license to make a fake ID.
00:14And I can't reach on your necklace because I already sold it.
00:19I was just going to say your shirt didn't go with your pants.
00:24Oh, phew.
00:26Yes, no, maybe.
00:32I don't know.
00:35Can you repeat the question?
00:39You're not the boss of me now.
00:41You're not the boss of me now.
00:44You're not the boss of me now.
00:46And you're not so big.
00:50You're not the boss of me now.
00:53You're not the boss of me now.
00:55You're not the boss of me now.
00:57And you're not so big.
01:00Life is unfair.
01:04Would you like some more orange juice, Stevie?
01:17Lois?
01:19Stevie's staying at her house for a week while his parents are in Hawaii.
01:23They get tropical drinks on a beach while he gets to watch my dad air drying in the kitchen.
01:28Did everyone notice the way Stevie pre-sliced the grapefruit sections?
01:33It's so nice to have a boy in the house who's not a rude little monster.
01:36Hey, was that shot at me?
01:38Yes, honey, it was.
01:40Hell, I don't have any bread for Dewey's sandwich.
01:42You're going to have to stop by the market on your way to school.
01:45No problem.
01:46Or you could just give me money for a hot lunch.
01:48Don't be silly.
01:49Those things aren't nutritious.
01:51Why are we in a liquor store?
01:57For the bread.
01:58Everybody knows liquor stores are the best bread in town.
02:01Ten lottery tickets, please.
02:02I don't see any bread.
02:04What are you talking about?
02:05There's Melba toast.
02:06If you can't make a sandwich out of that, you're just not trying hard enough.
02:12Oh, my God.
02:13What?
02:13What are we going to buy?
02:24We're not going to buy anything with this, son.
02:26We're going to put this money right into your college fund.
02:31A secret college fund that your mother can never know about.
02:35Sometimes when it rains, they get stuck.
02:44Here.
02:48Thanks.
02:49Uh, Malcolm, right?
02:52Yeah, and I know you're Allison.
02:54I'm glad we finally talked after a month of being locker neighbors.
02:59Locker neighbors?
03:01Yeah, we're, you know, this is my locker.
03:03Oh, get locker neighbors, because we're right next door.
03:08Yeah.
03:09That's funny.
03:10I get it.
03:13Well, uh, see you, neighbor.
03:15And keep your damn dog off my lawn.
03:20I don't have a dog.
03:22No, no, I was kidding.
03:25Because we're neighbors, and sometimes neighbors have problems with their dogs.
03:30See, I always assume people know when I'm kidding,
03:32but sometimes you're just so subtle,
03:34I come off sounding like a jerk.
03:36I mean, not too subtle for you.
03:38I don't want to sound condescending.
03:39It's just, I think about this kind of stuff a lot,
03:42and I should have stopped talking 30 seconds ago, right?
03:47Uh, I have to go to gym now.
03:50What is wrong with me?
04:00How long you got?
04:02I always ruin everything,
04:04even with a perfect girl like Allison.
04:07Allison's a moron.
04:10She's not the problem.
04:11It's me.
04:11I overthink everything.
04:13I can't even carry on a normal conversation without screwing it up.
04:16Why won't my brain just let me be happy?
04:27Honey, I gotta get going.
04:28You heading down to the art gallery?
04:30It's not art!
04:31Sorry.
04:32Heading down to the place where you sell overpriced,
04:35pretentious stuff to tourists with more money than taste?
04:39You do listen.
04:40Let's get a lot of this stuff inside.
04:44Thank you very much.
04:46It was good doing business with you, Mr. Dodson.
04:49Ah, Francis, come.
04:51Mr. Dodson, he is a wonderful man.
04:54We will be doing lots of business with him for sure.
04:58Yeah, look, I gotta go.
05:00I'm running late for another sales call,
05:02so see you gentlemen around.
05:04We will talk soon.
05:05Ah, Francis.
05:06I am such a lucky man.
05:09When I left for this country,
05:11all of my friends are warning me,
05:13oh, to be careful.
05:15People will try to take advantage of you.
05:17But this is not the case like that, Mr. Dodson.
05:22He knows so much more about ranching than I do.
05:27But does he act all superior or high or mighty?
05:31No, no.
05:32Instead, he teaches me,
05:34like before today,
05:36I did not know that cows need ultraviolet protection.
05:41What?
05:42What is this stuff?
05:44Sunscreen for cows.
05:48Otto, how much did you pay for this?
05:50$200 a bucket,
05:52plus, of course, the zinc for their noses.
05:57Do not worry.
05:59I already paid them.
06:02How much time do I get for a thousand bucks?
06:04Oh, Mama.
06:08I have been dreaming about this for years.
06:12What, are you crazy?
06:12We can't do it at my house.
06:14My family's there.
06:16There's a parking lot near my office where we can meet.
06:22That's your ground speed indicator,
06:24and that's your vibration tachometer.
06:27Check.
06:27Yes, sir.
06:29Yes, sir.
06:30Can't wait to resurface some roads with this baby.
06:34Wow.
06:35Looks like you're all set.
06:36Yes.
06:37Let me ask you a hypothetical.
06:39I mean, if I was to accidentally run over something,
06:44I mean crush it into dust,
06:49it's where they're completely unrecognizable.
06:51You'd want to center it in the middle of the drum.
06:59That is, if such a tragic incident should occur.
07:02Come again?
07:03Look, a lot of our, uh, road builders
07:06have that inevitable fragile item cross their paths.
07:11And if I were to encounter such a fragile item?
07:15You'd have no choice but to speed up
07:18until that item no longer pose a threat to your road builder.
07:21Now sign here and you can get to work.
07:23I can do better.
07:46Stevie, you are such an angel.
07:49You are welcome to stay with us anytime your parents go away.
07:52Sure, Hawaii's great.
07:54We're having fun right here, huh?
07:56Sure are.
07:58Hey, I didn't buy this.
08:0149 cents less with lotion.
08:07Ooh.
08:17Don't you have midterms to study for, too?
08:20I think they have three tomorrow.
08:21Don't you even care that if you don't study,
08:23you're gonna fail?
08:25Eh.
08:28How do you do that?
08:29What?
08:30How do you go through your life
08:31without worrying that bad things are gonna happen?
08:34I don't know.
08:35Well, I guess if I feel myself starting to worry,
08:38I just sing the Minty Mint song in my head.
08:41They're cool, they're fresh,
08:42they'll clean your breath.
08:44Minty Mint are your breath's friend.
08:47So when I just asked you that question about failing,
08:50you were thinking about that song?
08:52Yep.
08:53Boys, so I'm not getting here
08:55and helping from these bro trees now!
09:02Minty Mint,
09:03do your breath's friend.
09:07Reese, you're a genius.
09:10What?
09:10That girl Allison
09:11just asked me why everyone in the world
09:13has accents except for us.
09:15And instead of going into this long explanation,
09:17I thought of the Minty Mint song.
09:19And all that came out of my mouth was
09:20because they're weird.
09:22And she liked it.
09:23Cool.
09:24I could actually feel my brain click off.
09:26She said I was cute
09:27and then she touched my shoulder.
09:29Let's keep this in the family, understand?
09:31Mm-hmm.
09:32Hey, here she comes.
09:36Oh, man.
09:37I just did it once.
09:38What if it was all just a flu?
09:39It could be fine.
09:40I'm too new at this.
09:41Just relax.
09:42But...
09:43Just say what I say.
09:46Hey, Malcolm.
09:48I...
09:49I forgot to ask you something.
09:51Mm-hmm.
09:53Are you okay?
09:55Do you need to get to class or something?
09:59No, I'm just killing time
10:01until lunch.
10:02Oh.
10:03I know what you mean.
10:04These mornings can just drag on.
10:13School's for suckers.
10:14It's just some scam
10:15thought of by parents
10:16so they can stay home all day
10:17and party hardy.
10:19Oh, my God.
10:21I've thought the same thing.
10:28I, uh...
10:29I think it'd be cool
10:34if they took the $1 bill
10:36and changed it to the $1 billion bill.
10:38That way nobody would be poor
10:40and we'd all be millionaires.
10:42That is such a cool idea.
10:44I want to help poor people, too.
10:47What I wanted to ask you is, um...
10:50Do you want to go to dance with me on Friday?
10:52Yeah!
10:53I was waiting to ask you
10:55but I wanted to find the right time
10:57and then...
10:58Uh, awesome.
11:00Awesome?
11:03I...
11:04I gotta get to class.
11:05Me, too.
11:06Me, too.
11:06Yeah!
11:07I?
11:07I'm alone!
11:11Take it easy!
11:15Whoo!
11:27Slow right!
11:30Take it easy!
11:34College fun?
11:52Dewey, hi.
11:55What brings you out on such a lovely day?
11:57I was following my dad on a secret steamroller.
12:01Oh, it's not just a steamroller, son.
12:04This is a culmination of everything I've worked for in my entire life.
12:09And I've also managed to put away some money for your college.
12:13Which, if interest rates hold, you'll be all right.
12:16If you don't tell your mother, I'll let you squash something.
12:19Can I squash Reese's bike?
12:20Sure.
12:23It's in the trunk.
12:31You want to know it's great?
12:40Not thinking so much.
12:42It's cool.
12:43Usually, I'd be all stressed out like Steven.
12:46But I figure life should be...
12:48What's the word?
12:50Funner.
12:51What'd you get for problem 17?
12:58Andrew Tank, what's wrong with you?
13:03Huh?
13:03For two days, you've been acting like an idiot.
13:08No.
13:09For two days, I've acted like someone who's happy and relaxed.
13:13You're turning into Reese.
13:15So, I'm not stressing out about school and girls and stuff.
13:20That doesn't make me an idiot.
13:21That makes me the opposite of an idiot.
13:23The brain is a muscle.
13:26Use it or lose it.
13:29But maybe if you use it too much, it'll cramp up on you.
13:32Didn't think about that, did you?
13:37Malcolm?
13:39I fell.
13:40Who do you think invented the spoon?
13:52Paleo?
13:53Spoonie Spoonicus.
13:57Spoonie Spoonicus.
13:59That is so awesome.
14:01You're supposed to make me ice skating today.
14:04Who are you?
14:05I'm sorry, Dooley.
14:06I got stuck at the office.
14:07So, Hal, I called the office today
14:09and they said you took the whole day off.
14:11That's right.
14:11I spent the whole day ice skating with Dewey.
14:13Oh, you should see the boy, Lois,
14:16twirling and jumping on that ice.
14:18He did a double axel that was, quite frankly, exquisite.
14:24Hal, we've got to go over next month's budget tonight.
14:27Oh, I can't tonight, honey.
14:29I have to go into the office
14:30to make up for the time I miss with Dewey.
14:33Yeah, the office.
14:34Can't get enough of the good old office.
14:43Hello?
14:44Malcolm.
14:45Good, you're home.
14:46Listen, is there some scientific way
14:48to find out if something is pudding
14:50without actually tasting it?
14:51Is it chocolate?
14:52No.
14:53Why would that make a difference?
14:54I like chocolate.
14:56It's brighter than the not-chocolate stuff.
14:58You didn't by any chance find that coffee can
15:03in the garage, did you?
15:09You're going to the steamroller, aren't you?
15:12So what if I am?
15:13I rented it.
15:14Why shouldn't I get to use it?
15:16It's a free country.
15:17Dad, you've been crushing things for five days straight.
15:20Have you even slept?
15:21That's the thing, Dewey.
15:23Ever since I got the steamroller,
15:24I don't have to sleep.
15:26It's like the laws of nature don't apply to me.
15:30What's this?
15:31Nothing.
15:32It's a brochure for a wrecking ball.
15:35I mean, it's not even mine, okay?
15:36I'm just holding it for a friend.
15:40Dad, I think you have a problem.
15:42Why can't everyone just leave me alone?
15:53Check out this awesome story.
15:55So I thought I was going to borrow Reese's Tuxedo T-shirt
15:58for the dance tonight,
15:59but then I saw one at the mall
16:01that said FBI Federal Boobie Inspector.
16:05Federal Boobie Inspector.
16:07Awesome.
16:09You, the man.
16:11Malcolm.
16:12I know I promised you the Tuxedo Tuxedo T-shirt,
16:16but I saw this at the mall,
16:17and I think it's way better.
16:19Oh, my God!
16:21I was going to buy this after school!
16:22No way!
16:24Righteous!
16:24Oh!
16:25Oh!
16:27Whoa.
16:28Stevie, you've got to let Reese headbutt you.
16:30It's like getting hit in the head
16:31with something really hard.
16:33Not
16:33in this
16:35lifetime.
16:37Your call?
16:38Maybe we'll do one later at the dance.
16:40Go
16:41with you
16:43ha
16:44ha
16:47ha
16:48ha
16:50Come on, Stevie.
16:52You've got to come with us.
16:53We're like the Three Musketeers.
16:55We can't have the Three Musketeers without...
16:57What's his name?
16:59Nougat.
17:00Yeah, that dude.
17:01I'll be...
17:03quilting.
17:05That Breezy's a master.
17:08The desert is practically alive.
17:10It looks like the dolphin and the tiger are dancing.
17:14Could I get this picture,
17:15but with my husband's face where the dolphin is?
17:18Well, like all great artists,
17:20he'll do absolutely anything for money.
17:27Oh my God, Francis, what happened?
17:29You are going to be so proud of me.
17:32I was putting gas in the van,
17:34and this guy walked out of the men's room.
17:37The sunscreen guy.
17:39And when I saw him,
17:41it was like I became this wild animal.
17:43Like nature took over.
17:45I ran up to him,
17:46and I blindsided him with the windshield wiper screechy,
17:50and his big gulp went flying,
17:52and he's crying for his mother.
17:54Do you want to see his front tooth?
17:55You know what?
17:56I'm going to think about it,
17:58and maybe come back another time.
18:00Why are you whistling?
18:03Honey, listen.
18:04I really want to hear about this,
18:06but I kind of told my boss I'm not trailer trash,
18:09and you're blowing my cover.
18:11These little cups and bruises?
18:13These here are the symbols of my success.
18:18I mean, the guy took some convincing,
18:20but in the end,
18:22the money was cheerfully refunded.
18:27Is this supposed to be this much blood in my pocket?
18:29Okay, you're going to the emergency room.
18:31Okay.
18:41Want some punch?
18:42If I say yes, you're just going to hit me.
18:45I'm going to hit you anyway,
18:47but it's funnier if you say yes first.
18:51So, what do you like better,
18:52slow dancing or fast dancing?
18:56Slow dancing.
18:58Me too!
18:59Unless the fast dance song, like,
19:01really rocks.
19:03Yeah!
19:06I can't believe the awesomeness
19:08of how awesome this is.
19:12At Chiswick Grounds,
19:14Britain's largest public lawn,
19:16each blade of grass is said to grow
19:18a full centimeter a day.
19:21Let's watch.
19:26Stevie, what are you doing here?
19:27I thought you were going to the dance with the boys.
19:29I didn't want to go.
19:33Stevie, you listen to me.
19:38Just because you're in a wheelchair
19:40doesn't mean you can't enjoy a dance
19:42like anyone else.
19:43I think you are a fine young man
19:45with beautiful qualities
19:46that any girl would enjoy
19:47if you just put yourself out there.
19:49But...
19:50There are plenty of things you can do.
19:52You can snap your fingers to the beat.
19:54You can spin around in a circle.
19:56That would be adorable.
19:57Please, Stevie...
19:58Any girl would be lucky to be your girlfriend.
20:00You're polite, you're considerate,
20:03and you are very clean.
20:05Girls go crazy for that.
20:06Lois!
20:07Stevie, you know what?
20:08We're going to that dance.
20:12Francis!
20:14What happened to you?
20:16Otto, I have to tell you something.
20:19There is no such thing as sunscreen for cows.
20:22What are you talking about?
20:24The guy, he was ripping you off.
20:26But don't worry.
20:27I took care of it.
20:28I got you your money back.
20:31Ugh.
20:32I am such an idiot.
20:35It is my fault you had to fight.
20:37Well, I'm sorry.
20:39And thank you.
20:40It's okay.
20:41You know what?
20:42There is a man in my office right now.
20:45And I am suspicious of him, too.
20:48Come.
20:49You will meet him.
20:50Okay, show my friend here what you're sharing me.
20:58This here is a magic stick that finds water.
21:06Oh, yeah.
21:07I've seen these.
21:09It's got the good Swenson bevel on there.
21:12Yeah, these are great.
21:14I don't know.
21:15I guess I'd say I like curly fries better.
21:18Ha!
21:18I knew it!
21:19You totally owe me a buck, Malcolm.
21:22What about Cajun curly fries?
21:24Oh, my God.
21:25I completely forgot about those.
21:27Those are my favorite.
21:29Mine, too.
21:31Why can't they make more foods, Curly?
21:34You guys are, like, the coolest brothers.
21:37I mean, you're both so easy to talk to.
21:39It's not like a strain or anything.
21:42Yeah.
21:42Reese and I get along awesome.
21:44It's because you're so alike.
21:46I mean, you should totally check to make sure you're not, like, twins or something.
21:50I'll ask my home when I get home.
21:52I just got a really good idea.
21:56I know this senior who's got some beer stash.
21:58No way.
21:59We could grab a six-pack and a blanket and go down to the football field.
22:04Awesome.
22:04I can't believe I'm about to do this.
22:10Underage drinking?
22:11Making out with a girl where we're almost certain to get caught?
22:14High school rules.
22:16Maybe just one row?
22:43Maybe just one row?
22:43Maybe just one row?
22:46Get away from here, son.
22:57I don't want you to see me like this.
23:00Dad, you have to stop.
23:02I can't.
23:04I can't.
23:24I can't.
23:26I'm proud of you, Dad.
23:46So what yard line do you want to sit on?
23:48Because I was thinking the 50, but it's kind of a long block.
23:52There's nothing to be nervous about, Stevie.
23:54I'll dance the first couple of dances with you.
24:01Hey, stop blaming yourself.
24:03That guy's a complete jerk.
24:04We're going to throw away his beer, get someone to take you home,
24:08and you should totally dump that guy.
24:12That's what I would have done if I hadn't shut off my brain all week.
24:19Here's what I really did.
24:24The endomins are your brethren.
24:39My mom said you asked for this.
24:43How's my gal?
24:45I don't know.
24:46She won't stop screaming.
24:48She hasn't even seen my report card yet.
24:50The way I figure it, I have to average an 8.0 just to break even,
24:54which might be doable since I don't have distractions anymore.
24:58Allison dumped me as soon as I used the word paradox in a sentence.
25:02Welcome back.
25:04Sorry about Allison.
25:06That's no big deal.
25:09I'm still going to be seeing her around a lot.
25:15You know what I don't get about football?
25:17How come the away team has so many different uniforms?
25:21I don't know.
25:22Rich kids?
25:24Probably it.
25:26You want to make out?
25:28The deal?
25:29Sure.
25:29You want to make out?
25:30Sure.
25:31Sure.