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00:00Piano music
00:30Shelly
00:42Shelly, stop it
00:47There's no time, the alarm's about to go off
00:53So am I
00:56You should have thought about it last night
01:00I was too drunk
01:02That was an excuse, you'd only had a couple of pints
01:05Couple of pints, come on, I was laid out
01:07Well, I know I wasn't
01:09Get off, Shelly, go to work, win some bread
01:17Oh, you get paid today
01:19Is it Friday?
01:21Yes
01:22Thank God, two lie-ins coming up
01:24I hate working for a living
01:27I was happy as a layabout
01:28It's my calling, you know
01:30Could have made a successful career of that
01:33Fool
01:33I could have, and wasted working
01:36It's a personal tragedy
01:37Don't talk cocks, Shelly
01:38You're loving every minute of it
01:40Eh?
01:41You are, strutting about as the important young executive
01:44You've been a new man since Monday
01:46Well, it's all right, I suppose
01:47It must be killing you that you like doing what everyone else does
01:51I'll live
01:52You get paid a bomb as well, don't you?
01:55We're going to be rich
01:56Well, fairly rich by our standards
01:58How's our child?
02:02Hasn't grown much
02:03It's going to be awkward when I'm big, isn't it?
02:08Doesn't matter, love
02:09Doesn't it?
02:11No, she'll not fancy you then, anyway
02:13There's no hope for a civilisation that starts its days to that noise
02:30Get up
02:31It's true, have you never thought?
02:34It's the little things that are giveaways
02:35Never mind the wars, we can rationalise those
02:38It's that noise that your Martian couldn't believe
02:40Everybody violently awoken every morning
02:43By that deliberately offensive clatter
02:45Oh, but a nutcase could have dreamt it up
02:48Nightmared it up
02:50A mechanical automatic nookie stopper
02:53There is nothing worse than profundity before breakfast
02:59I wish Le Boyer would look at alarm clocks
03:01Do you think, as you're going to get paid today
03:04Do you think we could do something tonight?
03:06You know, like real people
03:07Go to the theatre or a restaurant
03:09Or see a film less than 40 years old
03:12Why not? Let's do all three
03:14Oh, come on, Shelley
03:16Mrs. H will be up in a minute to give us a knock
03:18You was late leaving again today
03:20You'll lose that job
03:22Dunno what you do in that bathroom
03:25What a woman
03:26I'll give her a knock one of these days
03:28What a woman
03:29She should marry your father
03:31Oh, my God
03:33Don't start on again about my father
03:34I wasn't starting
03:35I can't help my father
03:37You're always on about him, Shelley
03:39No, I'm not
03:40He's not that bad, anyway
03:42He's very nice
03:43Makes Ivan the Terrible look like Santa Claus
03:46But he's very...
03:46He's a much more liberal man than you think
03:48He's about as liberal as Genghis Khan
03:51Shelley, I wish you'd make an effort to know him
03:53It's not all on one side, you know
03:55What made you think of him, anyway?
03:58I've thought of him every morning since Monday
04:01Why?
04:02Because I know he'd approve of me getting up and working for a living
04:05And I can't bear that
04:06You've upset me now
04:09No, I haven't
04:11Come on, give us a kiss
04:13I mean, I can't help my...
04:15Time to get up!
04:17Where are you?
04:17Where are you?
04:17Where are you?
04:18Well, I suppose you'll get a bit of peace for your writing now, then
04:27Now he's out all day
04:29Yes, that's true
04:30What is this job he's got?
04:32Writing advertising material
04:33What, to con people, you mean?
04:35Well, yes, I suppose so
04:37Yeah
04:38Well, he should be good at that
04:41Looks quite nice in that suit, doesn't he?
04:43Almost human, wouldn't you say, Mrs H?
04:46No, I wouldn't go that far
04:47Well, how's he take him working for a living?
04:50In a state of shock, is he?
04:52He loves it
04:53Fancies himself rotten
04:54Oh, well, he doesn't love getting up much, does he?
04:57Well, give him time
04:58He's not used to it
04:59He's been a layabout for a very long time
05:01You've got to make allowances
05:03Mmm
05:04Right performance it is
05:06Getting him off in the morning
05:08Why he needs a bath every day, I'll never know
05:11You think he got a job as a coal miner?
05:13My will, he doesn't spend half the time in the bath, he doesn't
05:16He's got a manual job
05:17How is Willie?
05:19Oh, he's all right
05:20Bit tired
05:21He's hoping they can fix up a strike at work
05:24So he can get a bit of decorating done downstairs
05:26You going to be doing any more up here?
05:34Don't think so, no
05:35Oh, I mean, I thought that's why you got your overalls on
05:39I wouldn't decorate in these, they're brand new
05:42What, you mean you wear them all the time?
05:44Of course I do, they're very comfortable
05:46You look like Andy Pandy
05:48Mrs. H
05:51Oh, well, they're very nice and roomy, I suppose
05:53You'll be able to wear them for a bit
05:55Yes, that's true, I suppose I will
05:57Did you do all this in here?
06:00Well, Shelley helped
06:01Oh, yes, what did he do? Hold the ladder?
06:03Do you like it?
06:05Oh, yes, it's very nice
06:07Good
06:08Well, I don't like plain colours much myself
06:11I quite like the wallpaper
06:13But it's just a matter of taste, I suppose
06:16Well, I'd better get on
06:18I haven't touched that bathroom yet
06:20Anyway, there's one thing he will like about working
06:23What's that?
06:24He'll get paid today
06:25There'll be a new experience for him
06:28Your first one, Mr Shelley
06:37Yeah
06:38Shall we pay it straight into the bank from now on?
06:40Oh, no, I don't think that would be a good idea
06:42Why not?
06:44I haven't got a bank account
06:45You've given me the wrong pay
06:48Have I?
06:50Yes, I agreed a slightly higher figure than that
06:52Well, it does say...
06:54Oh, yes, my name's on it, but it's not right
06:56Just a minute
06:57No, it is right, look
07:03Oh, yes, yes, that's right
07:05But that's not what's in here
07:06Yes, look
07:08What's that?
07:10That's the net pay after deductions
07:12They can't deduct that much
07:19I'm afraid so
07:20Not without a gun and a getaway car
07:23Well, it is right
07:25You mean they actually take that much and keep it every week?
07:29Yes
07:30And people take it lying down?
07:32Well
07:32It's lunacy I got this much on the dole
07:35Did you?
07:36Well, the difference isn't worth a sacrifice
07:38I gave up a successful career for this
07:41Oh, no, this can't be right
07:44You are on the highest coding
07:46Coding?
07:47Tax code
07:48Why?
07:49I don't know, ask the tax people
07:51Where are they?
07:53Walpole Street
07:54Do they carry guns?
07:55Yes, sir
08:11Can I help you?
08:12Where's the head robber?
08:14I'll bet you'll find, sir
08:15The chief brigand
08:17Where is he?
08:18Do you have a tax query, sir?
08:21No, I've been burgled
08:22Just one moment
08:24Mr...
08:25Shelly
08:25James
08:26Shelly
08:26I've just given money, you know
08:34Sorry
08:35Do you give money?
08:38What's that?
08:39Oh, it's quite easy
08:39At work, they come around
08:41There's no pain
08:41Although mine must be a very rare type
08:43They took lots of it
08:44I don't feel sorry
08:46Still
08:46Cup of sweet tea and a biscuit
08:48I shall be all right
08:49Is Miss Gibbs attending to you?
08:51Quick lay down
08:52Mr. Shelly
08:54Yes
08:54Would you come this way?
08:55Uh, what do you think of Ronald Biggs?
08:57Sir?
08:58As a fellow professional, I mean
08:59Mr. Shelly
09:02Thank you, Miss Gibbs
09:04Do sit down, Mr. Shelly
09:05How can I help you?
09:11Just give it back right away
09:13We'll send it
09:13Give what back, Mr. Shelly?
09:19The booty
09:20The swag
09:21I'm afraid I don't understand
09:23See the top figure?
09:24Yes
09:25See the bottom figure?
09:26Yes
09:26There's a grievous discrepancy
09:28That's income tax
09:31Oh, well, I appreciate the honour and all that
09:34But I'm afraid I'm simply not prepared to fund the nation's economy single-handed
09:37Mr. Shelly, I am a very busy man
09:41I mean, that scale of taxation is preposterous
09:43That's not deduction, that's amputation
09:46Makes the godfather look like a shoplifter
09:49Yes, all right, Mr. Shelly
09:51You've had your little joke
09:52Joke?
09:54Joke?
09:55If you think that's a joke, mate
09:56I'd hate to be around when you get serious
09:58Where do you go for a good night out?
10:00The crematorium?
10:04Mr. Shelly
10:04Yes, yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
10:06I know, I really am sorry
10:07Please, sit down
10:08Sit down, it's okay
10:09Sorry
10:10I really am sorry
10:11I apologise for my attitude when I came in
10:15I was in a state of shock
10:17You see, I just had my money removed
10:19I had not anticipated quite so large a deduction from my salary
10:26I had actually grasped that, Mr. Shelly
10:28Now, in the interest of establishing common ground
10:32Would you agree that my contribution to the nation's well-being is on the generous side?
10:37It is the maximum possible
10:38You only have a minimal allowance
10:40I'm sorry?
10:42You're not married, Mr. Shelly
10:43Well, only in the eyes of God, so to speak
10:46Well, that's all very well as far as it goes
10:48But he doesn't seem to have passed the message on to
10:50To the coding branch of the Inland Revenue
10:56Very good
10:58Oh, well
10:59No, no, no, nice one
11:00Very fun
11:01Oh, you're very kind
11:03Not at all
11:03Sorry about the crematorium
11:07Oh, good Lord
11:08No, no, no, that was very rude of me
11:09I can't imagine what made me say it
11:11No, please think nothing of it
11:12You were in post-operative shock, after all
11:14So, you're not married
11:18Do you have a family?
11:21Would that help?
11:22Oh, yes
11:23A single, childless man is taxed much more heavily than a married man with a family
11:27Really?
11:29Oh, yes
11:29So, you are, in fact, fining single, childless people?
11:38That's rather an extreme way of putting it
11:40I mean, if they persist, do you put them in prison?
11:43What?
11:44I mean, it's a bit hard on people who don't want to get married, isn't it?
11:48I think you're rather overstating the case
11:50People whose sexual inclinations are inappropriate to the system
11:54I beg your pardon
12:01I mean, they could find getting married a bit of a problem
12:03Oh, really?
12:05Not to mention getting pregnant
12:06Yeah, well, this is not an aspect
12:08It's a bit of a performance, you know
12:09Just to oblige Sir Geoffrey bloody how
12:11What if my wife works?
12:15Ah, you are taxed on her earnings
12:18So, if my wife earns some money and doesn't tell me about it
12:22She is ipso facto breaking the law?
12:25Well, yes
12:25Whereas what I earn is between me and the taxman, if I so choose
12:29That's right
12:31So, financially, at any rate
12:32I am more intimate with the taxman than with my wife
12:35Well, is there anything else?
12:43What?
12:43I mean, apart from getting married, starting a family
12:45Any other little thing I could pop out and do to ease the situation?
12:50Well, you haven't a mortgage
12:51You'd get tax relief on that
12:54Good afternoon
13:00I'd like a mortgage, please
13:01Yes, sir
13:02Do you have savings deposited with the society, sir?
13:08No, I deposit my money with the Inland Revenue
13:10There's nothing left over for saving
13:14That's why I want the mortgage
13:15Ah, well
13:16We, er, wouldn't really give you a mortgage
13:19If you hadn't saved with the society for some while
13:21There's a basic flaw in the logic of this
13:24How long will it take to fix up?
13:28I'm sorry, sir?
13:29I mean, I found someone
13:31There'll be no delay there
13:32To fix up what, sir?
13:36To get married
13:37No, Shelley
14:00Fran, look
14:02No way
14:02No way
14:03What'd be the point?
14:05But the money
14:05Stuff the money
14:06Fran, be reasonable
14:08I am being reasonable
14:09I will not marry you in a registry office
14:11I want the full church number or nothing
14:13You're not even Christian
14:15So what?
14:17I'm C of E
14:18If the Church of England had to rely solely on Christians
14:22It'd be sharing a room with the Flat Earth Society
14:24But it's such an expense, Fran
14:27My father will pay
14:29He'd be delighted
14:30Your father would rather you marry Charles Manson than me
14:33I wish you weren't so prejudiced about Dad
14:36I'm not prejudiced
14:38I just hate him
14:39It's so unreasonable
14:41No, it's not
14:42He hates me
14:43You won't even speak to him
14:45I've got nothing to say to him
14:46Tell him about us
14:48That's something
14:49You tell him
14:50He's your father
14:50He'll be yours now
14:53Phone him up
14:54Make friends
14:55No friend
14:56If you want your tax relief
14:59Our tax relief
15:00Only if you phone him
15:02You're kidding
15:02I have every right to expect you to make an effort
15:05Give me the number
15:08I'd leave you if it wasn't for the child
15:15You're lousy in bed, you can't cook and you don't shave often enough
15:18I'll come to empty the meters
15:22Well, she can't be that bad
15:24You're always practicing
15:25Do come in, Mrs. H
15:30Oh, thank you
15:31You was late leaving again today
15:33You'll lose that job
15:34Don't know what you do in that bathroom
15:36If you'll excuse me, Mrs. H
15:39I have to tell someone
15:40A very important and exciting bit of news
15:43Who?
15:44What news?
15:46What's he on about?
15:47What's this news?
15:47Tea, Mrs. H
15:48Oh, yes, please
15:49Who's he phoning?
15:51My father, Mrs. H
15:52Oh, what for?
15:53To tell him we're getting married
15:54What, to him?
15:59Yes
16:00Married?
16:01Yes
16:02My God
16:04You poor cow
16:07Thank you, Mrs. H
16:10Are you sure you're doing the right thing?
16:13Well
16:13I mean, marriage
16:14That's a big step
16:16Mrs. H
16:17Marry in haste
16:18Repent at leisure
16:19In haste?
16:21We've lived together for two years
16:23And I'm carrying his child
16:24How slow do you want us to go?
16:27Yeah, I know
16:28But marriage?
16:30Perhaps we ought to get engaged for a bit
16:32Find out what we think of each other
16:34That's a good idea
16:36Mrs. H, sometimes I think you're very silly
16:40Well, that's rich
16:41You're the one marrying Herbert Superclown
16:44Hello?
16:47Mr. Smith?
16:49James Shelley here
16:50No, James
16:52Not
16:53No, he died in 1822
16:55No, I'm your daughter's boyfriend
16:59She may have
17:00Ah
17:02You well?
17:04Good
17:05And how's Mrs?
17:07No, no, no
17:07I mean
17:07Yes, yes
17:09I just
17:09Yes, yes
17:11I'm sorry
17:11It just slipped my mind
17:12No, I knew you buried your wife
17:15Cremated
17:18Yes
17:20Gosh, time flies
17:24Five years ago
17:24Well, no
17:25It must have been
17:26Yes, well
17:28I'm very sorry
17:28Mrs.
17:29How's the old complaint?
17:31Oh, really?
17:32Well, that's good news
17:33Uh-huh
17:34Do you wear it all the time?
17:37Or do you?
17:40I see
17:40Jolly good
17:41So you still manage
17:42The old hunting then
17:43Do you, mister?
17:44That's what I mean
17:45You still manage
17:46The meetings
17:46Of the anti-blood sports league
17:48Yeah
17:49Well, I'm glad
17:50Yes, we have met
17:53Actually, um
17:54In London
17:54Yes, that was me
17:56Yes, that's right
17:58Yes, well
18:01I'm sorry she was so upset
18:02I didn't intend
18:03No, I had no idea
18:06You were planning to remarry
18:07Had been planning to
18:10Well, I hardly think
18:13I can be held responsible
18:14Yes, well, look
18:16Mr. Smith
18:16To get to the point
18:17Reason why I rang
18:18Mustn't keep you
18:19Um
18:19I've got good news for you
18:21Not news for you
18:22About your daughter
18:23Fran
18:24Frances
18:26I dare say you remember
18:27I dare say you remember
18:27Ah, well
18:29Uh
18:30We've been living together
18:32Uh, close
18:33Um
18:33Near to each other
18:35And, well
18:35Seen a lot of each other
18:36For a while
18:37As it were
18:38So to speak
18:39And, uh
18:39I dare say she's told you
18:41Her news, eh
18:42I must admit
18:45I really had thought
18:46She told you that
18:47About the pitter-patter of type
18:50She's told you
18:52Absolutely nothing at all
18:53My word
18:55Uh, just a sec, uh
18:58Mr. Smith
18:59I think I'd better put
18:59Some more money in
19:00No, it'd better be
19:06Well, Mr. Smith
19:18Now, Frances
19:20Uh, your daughter
19:21Our killer for this
19:23Her idea of a joke
19:24Making me, uh
19:26Yes, I'll get to the point
19:27Mr. Smith
19:28Um
19:28The thing is
19:30You're going to be
19:31Your granddad
19:31Congratulations
19:35Yes, that's right
19:39Frances is going to have a
19:40I think that particular practice
19:44Was abolished around
19:45About 11.17.2
19:46If I could just
19:49Well, that would certainly
19:52Prevent me from having
19:53Any further children
19:54What I'm trying to say
19:59Mr. Smith
20:00Is
20:00If you
20:01If you could just
20:02Listen for a moment
20:03I mean, sorry to be rude
20:04Uh
20:04Before
20:05Before you're a granddad
20:07You'll be a dad-in-law
20:08I know that's the usual
20:11Sequence of events
20:12So
20:13Yes
20:14Um
20:14My
20:15My dad-in-law
20:17Yes
20:18Hello, dad
20:23No, I'm not still
20:26Well, yes
20:28I was a layabout
20:29I'm not fairly useless
20:32I've known that expression
20:35In a very long time
20:36No, no, no
20:38I work for a living now, dad
20:40Sorry, sorry
20:41Mr. Smith
20:42Yes
20:44Yes
20:44So
20:44The thing is
20:46You see
20:48We're going to cost you
20:49Rather a lot of money
20:50Actually
20:51Um
20:51You see
20:53Your daughter would like
20:54The full church number
20:55With a
20:56Well, it is possible
20:59To do it in a registry office
21:00While you wait
21:01Oh, yes
21:04Oh, yes
21:04Oh, quite
21:05No, no, no
21:05Oh, quite
21:06I quite agree
21:06I wouldn't dream of any other
21:07As you say
21:09For a Christian couple
21:10Don't know any members
21:12Of the Flat Earth Society
21:13Do you, buddy?
21:15What?
21:16No, no
21:16Just something Fran said
21:18Look
21:18I'll just get her for you
21:20I'll know she'll
21:21Want a word
21:21Now I've
21:22Put you in the picture
21:23As it were
21:24I've enjoyed
21:25Chatting to you
21:26Mr. Smith
21:27We must get together
21:28Sometime
21:28And
21:28Ah, yes
21:31Bye-bye, Mr. Smith
21:34Here, hang on
21:44What about a wedding dress?
21:45You're never going to wear white
21:47In your condition
21:48No, Mrs. H
21:49It's going to be West Hampstead's
21:50First nude wedding
21:51What a wedding
21:52Genghis Khan would like a word with you
21:55Shelley
21:56Who?
21:57Did you tell him we're getting married?
21:59Yes, I did
21:59Thank God
22:00Well done
22:01It'll be so much easier now
22:03What will?
22:04To tell him I'm pregnant
22:05Ah
22:06It's never going to be a nude wedding
22:12Don't talk rubbish
22:13Is it?
22:16Worried about where you're going to put your carnation, Mrs. H
22:19You're rude, you are
22:24I must say, you're taking it very well, Mrs. H
22:28Here
22:29Who's this Dennis Khan?
22:33Anything you'd like, Mrs. H
22:34A cup of sweet tea
22:35Biscuit
22:36Quick lay down
22:36You're a lucky devil
22:38I can't think
22:39What she sees in you
22:40Got any tens, love?
22:41The money's run out
22:42Well, I'm off
22:43Thank you
22:44And congratulations on your news
22:46I hope you'll be very happy
22:47Thanks for the tea
22:49Um
22:52I told your father
22:53You were pregnant
22:54You cretin
22:56Well, I thought I was supposed to
22:59You dumbo
23:00I got confused, you see
23:02What did he say?
23:04Well, he's an articulate man
23:06With a comprehensive
23:06I think I'll phone him later
23:09However, his enthusiasm for the wedding was unbounded
23:12Was it?
23:13Oh, yes
23:13He's not so bad, really, I suppose
23:16Don't pretend, Shelley
23:17Sorry
23:18He's just not my type of man
23:20No, I know
23:21Not mine, either
23:22Now, before the conversation turns to what we're gonna do tonight
23:26There's no money
23:28What?
23:29Tax, rent, building society
23:31What?
23:32For the mortgage
23:33Oh, no
23:35It's been rather a significant sort of day
23:38Sorry
23:40Shelley, we're getting married
23:42There must be something we can do to celebrate
23:45BELL RINGS
23:52BELL RINGS
24:22All right
24:23to celebrate
24:28The Halloween
24:29ζ
24:30There must be something we can do to celebrate
24:31Why imagine
24:31The honeymoon
24:35It should be something we can do to celebrate
24:36iPad
24:37The cassette
24:38The honeymoon
24:43crack
24:46good
24:46big
24:47ICK
24:49climate
24:50くっ Denise
24:51m