Malcolm In The Middle Season 5 Episode 1 Vegas
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00:01Well, I guess she's hedging her bets.
00:03I mean, Jamie could be a name for either sex.
00:06Well, I guess I'll just send this one to Goodwill.
00:09Oh, that's ridiculous.
00:11The birth announcement clearly said that Jamie's a...
00:14Hey, they changed the little dinosaur.
00:16Yeah, that's right.
00:17All it takes is one look to see that Jamie is clearly a...
00:21Race for crying out loud!
00:24How can anyone not know what you are?
00:27Uh-oh.
00:29Nice try, mister.
00:32Yes, no, maybe.
00:36I don't know.
00:39Can you repeat the question?
00:43You're not the boss of me now.
00:46You're not the boss of me now.
00:49You're not the boss of me now.
00:51And you're not so big.
00:54You're not the boss of me now.
00:57You're not the boss of me now.
00:59You're not the boss of me now.
01:00And you're not so big.
01:05Life is unfair.
01:17Come on, Gordo.
01:18One more bite and it's all gone.
01:20What are you doing with my rabbit?
01:22Just giving him his afternoon bacon.
01:25He's too fat.
01:26You have to stop feeding him.
01:28I'm the one who has to sit through the junior farmer's meetings while everyone makes fun of him.
01:34Those people are small-minded idiots who have no idea what we're trying to do.
01:37What are we trying to do?
01:40I don't know.
01:41I kind of had this vision of me riding him through town, knocking over cars.
01:46But that's probably not realistic.
01:56What happened to you?
01:57Some idiot forgot to top off the oil in the tractor and the whole damn engine blew.
02:02Whose job is that?
02:03Mine.
02:04I'm telling you, this whole ranch is a disaster.
02:07The furnace is clogged.
02:08The generator's out of diesel.
02:10Even the gate to the cow pen is falling apart.
02:12All those things are your responsibility.
02:15I don't know what's going on with you lately, but you better get it together.
02:19Otto's a pretty easygoing boss, but even he has limits.
02:23Fire!
02:24Fire!
02:25Francis, this is a fire!
02:26What?
02:27Where?
02:28Right here on your cake.
02:31God, it's been a year already?
02:33As of 9.31.
02:35So far, the first three hours of year two are going much better than they ever could have hoped.
02:53Congratulations, you won the jackpot!
03:21Oh my God, would you look at this?
03:38What does Reese do to his underpants?
03:41There's not enough money in the world to make me look up.
03:44What's this?
03:45Certificate of Achievement for Excellence in Science?
03:50From the state?
03:52It's nothing.
03:53They hand these out like candy.
03:54Don't be so modest.
03:55It's wonderful.
03:56And I think it proves my point about you not getting that earring.
04:01How does that...
04:02Malcolm.
04:03Malcolm, I need to talk to you.
04:06You read all those science magazines.
04:08What can you tell me about the meaning of dreams?
04:11Dreams?
04:12Well, some people think they express your subconscious wishes.
04:16No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:17The other kind of dreams.
04:18Prophetic ones that predict the future.
04:21I had one.
04:22About a giant slot machine.
04:24That's insane, Dad.
04:25It was so vivid.
04:27There was this mysterious stain on my shirt.
04:30And then a balloon.
04:32And then this music.
04:33And then I hit this gigantic jackpot.
04:36It was a sign, son.
04:37I know it.
04:39It's my destiny.
04:41Dad, you have weird dreams all the time.
04:44Like the singing trash cans.
04:46I never said that was prophetic.
04:48I said it was cool.
04:53Well, what did they think of Gorda?
04:55They called him a monster.
04:57Then they called me a crime against nature.
05:00Maybe it was the other way around.
05:02All I remember is I was crying.
05:05You have to expect this kind of resistance when you're trying to play God.
05:08Just wait till we get to the Nationals.
05:10Then we'll get some respect.
05:11We're not going to the Nationals.
05:14They're all the way in Las Vegas.
05:17Las Vegas?
05:19What's in Las Vegas?
05:20A chance for Reese to make me look like a jerk in front of the entire country.
05:25Well, don't you worry, son.
05:27We won't miss that.
05:28Of course we'll go to Vegas.
05:30Did you hear that, Malcolm?
05:31This is another sign.
05:33All I have to do is cash in our life insurance policy to pay for the trip.
05:37Dad!
05:38Are you sure you-
05:39Son, you don't need life insurance when you're a kajillionaire.
05:42It doesn't make fiscal sense.
05:44Maybe you want to run your plan by Mom first.
05:46I will.
05:47I will.
05:48I just want to be careful about it.
05:50If I explain it in just the right way...
05:53A thousand dollar bonus from work, Hal.
05:57I am so proud of you.
06:00Hey, considering the 12 million I saved them with my idea for outsourcing flux capacitors,
06:08it was the least they can do.
06:10And part of that roast is for you, Malcolm.
06:13Mr. State Science Achievement.
06:15Yeah, it was nothing.
06:17Is that what that big ceremony at school was for?
06:21Reese.
06:22What ceremony?
06:23There was a ceremony?
06:24Yeah.
06:25The mayor was there and we all got out of school?
06:27Stop kicking me.
06:28I'll get to the news crew in a second.
06:30Malcolm, how could you not tell us about something so important?
06:33We're your parents.
06:34You're overreacting.
06:35It wasn't a big deal.
06:37That's not for you to decide.
06:39How can you be so selfish?
06:41I wasn't being selfish.
06:43I just didn't want you there because you imb-
06:49Aboard!
06:51Aboard!
06:52Aboard!
06:53Me!
06:56Me!
06:57Me!
06:58Me!
07:03Me!
07:05Oh.
07:07Okay.
07:08Me!
07:10At least I know.
07:17Give Gorda your fat.
07:20Hey, Mom. Do you want the rest of my milkshake? It's really good.
07:28No thanks, I'm fine.
07:30It's strawberry. I know that's your favorite.
07:33I'll take that.
07:39Hell, look!
07:42Boone Vincent is playing in Las Vegas!
07:45Who's Boone Vincent?
07:47Your mom's boyfriend.
07:49Stop it.
07:51You would not believe this jackass, boys.
07:53The women go crazy for him.
07:55He plays every instrument in the orchestra.
07:58He sings in four languages.
08:00And you like him just as much as I do.
08:02Oh, please. I just said that to get you into bed.
08:07That... when that time you were so sick and you needed your rest.
08:12That was...
08:13Hey, check it out!
08:15Only eight more miles to Vegas!
08:19Hey, look at this place!
08:25It's so classy!
08:32What's the matter?
08:33Never seen an 80-pound rabbit before?
08:37Uh-oh. Got a little spit up.
08:40Here.
08:41Oh!
08:42Honey, do you have a little, uh...
08:44Mm-hmm.
08:45Oh!
08:52Oh my god!
08:53That's the one!
08:54Oh my god!
08:55Hell!
08:56You won the jackpot!
08:57I can't believe that!
08:58No!
08:59That's a lot of things!
09:00Oh!
09:01Oh!
09:02Oh...
09:03Oh!
09:04Oh!
09:05Oh!
09:06No!
09:07No!
09:08Oh!
09:09No!
09:10No!
09:11No!
09:12No!
09:13No!
09:14No!
09:15Yes!
09:16Yes!
09:18I knew it!
09:20Oh my god, hell! You won the jackpot!
09:22I can't believe that!
09:24So, Malcolm,
09:26what do you and your science
09:28have to say now?
09:30We say you're having another dream, Dad.
09:34Don't believe him. This is real.
09:36We wouldn't lie
09:38to you!
09:46I knew it!
09:48I knew it!
09:50I knew it!
09:52I knew it!
09:54I knew it!
09:56I knew it!
09:58I knew it!
10:00I knew it!
10:02I knew it!
10:04I knew it!
10:06I knew it!
10:08I can't hear you, Otto!
10:10There's too much static!
10:12And yelling won't help!
10:14Yes, Otto, I know about the well.
10:20I was going to fence it off last week.
10:21I just didn't get around to it.
10:26Otto, I can't hear you.
10:29I will fence off the well as soon as I find it.
10:36Can you hear me now?
10:44Oh, my God.
10:53Look at these puny rabbits.
10:54What do people do with them?
10:55I don't know.
10:56Maybe love them and hug them and watch them hop around the backyard,
11:01which they can do because their feet can touch the ground.
11:05I bet Gordo could fit that one in his mouth.
11:10Hey, Mom.
11:11You find your father?
11:12No, I wasn't really...
11:14Well, it doesn't matter.
11:15I went through his wallet when we passed the state line.
11:18Let's see how much damage he can do with $20 and a library card.
11:21Okay, look.
11:22Since you're obviously too caught up in playing the martyr here
11:25to even listen to an apology,
11:26you forced me to go out and get thieves.
11:29Look, we're that stupid Boone Vincent guy.
11:30We're going together.
11:32Hey, that came out better than I thought.
11:35VIP seats!
11:38Hi.
11:39My name's Dewey, and this is my...
11:40Good Lord, what have you done to this poor animal?
11:45In all my years of judging rabbits,
11:48this is the un-cutest thing I have ever seen.
11:52You should be ashamed of yourself.
11:55Oh, my God!
11:58Oh, my God!
11:59Oh, my God!
12:00Oh, my...
12:00Get back!
12:02If only don't be well and we can't get out!
12:06If there's anyone up there who is just very shy,
12:10do not worry.
12:12We are not judgmental.
12:14As a matter of fact, when I was a little boy...
12:16Otto, please!
12:18No one can hear you!
12:20This is not productive.
12:21Can we just...
12:22Can we think for a second?
12:31Don't you ever blink?
12:33Maybe I blink at the precise moment that you blink.
12:37That is ridiculous!
12:38How could you possibly know that?
12:40Why don't you spend less time worrying about my blinking
12:44and more time fencing up welts?
12:48Germans hate dying in welts!
12:51Fine.
12:52If you are so unhappy with the work I do around here,
12:55then I quit!
13:00Imagine I stormed off!
13:03I did.
13:03Oh, my God!
13:15I can't believe it!
13:15We're going to see Boone Vincent!
13:17Look at these seats!
13:20This is incredible!
13:22Another Boone-a-dick I see!
13:25The Bad Boone Rising Tour?
13:27Were you there?
13:28I had floor seats when he had his first heart attack.
13:31Oh, these are my sons.
13:33This is Malcolm and this is Jamie.
13:35Oh, my Joey is here with me, too.
13:37Maybe the boys could sit together.
13:40Two apricot sours!
13:41Oh!
13:44Ladies and gentlemen,
13:47prepare yourselves for the voice that is America.
13:52It's Boone!
13:54Boone!
13:54Boone!
13:55Boone!
13:55Boone!
13:56Boone!
13:57Boone!
13:57Boone!
13:58Boone!
13:58Boone!
13:58Boone!
13:58Boone!
13:58Boone!
13:59Boone!
13:59Boone!
13:59Boone!
14:00Boone!
14:00Boone!
14:00Boone!
14:01Boone!
14:01Boone!
14:29Boone!
14:30The worst part is, this is my first concert.
14:35Those aren't for you!
14:37Pass them on!
14:49Have you ever had a dream that didn't come true?
14:54Surprisingly, no.
14:56Dewey, where have you been?
14:58Hi Race, this is Crystal.
15:01It turns out we had Gordo in the wrong category.
15:04We had him in the pet rabbit competition,
15:07when he should have been in the market rabbit competition.
15:10I took him over there and he won first place!
15:13What?
15:14Some guy named Chez Richard bought him for $1.90 a pound.
15:18We made like 150 bucks!
15:21Chez Richard?
15:24That's the restaurant!
15:28How could you do that?
15:30They're going to kill him and eat him!
15:33Don't you understand?
15:35He was my best friend in the whole world!
15:40Mine too!
15:41It's alright sugar!
15:43My best friend got killed in a restaurant!
15:46You'll get over it eventually!
15:48Papa don't preach!
15:49I'm in trouble deep, Papa don't preach!
15:53Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
16:09Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep
16:13But I made up my mind, she's giving my baby
16:19Cry, scream, projectile vomit, do something to get us out of here
16:30Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Vincent appreciates your enthusiasm
16:37He want us if you'd like to come backstage and meet him
16:40Oh my god, you get to see the boomy bin
16:47I bet you won't be too embarrassed to tell your friends about this
16:52Please Papa, please Papa, no Papa, no Papa
17:01Okay, I'll cause a distraction, you go in the kitchen and get Gordo
17:07Oh my god, this boy is choking
17:26You're not doing it hard enough
17:52Move my finger
18:03Once again, we're very sorry about all the trouble we caused
18:27I know there's no way we can make up for the broken tables
18:31Or the paramedics
18:33Or the fire
18:35Or the guy that was really choking that nobody noticed
18:39He touched my shoulder
18:45I can't believe this is actually happening
18:51I can smell his cologne out here
18:53Oh my god, I'm next
18:56Does my hair look okay?
19:00Compared to his?
19:06Hello, sweetheart, thank you for your support
19:08It means so much to me
19:09No, thank you for your music
19:12Especially, um, Cinnamon Rainbow
19:15That is my all-time favorite
19:17My favorite
19:17Really?
19:19Mine too
19:20But no one's ever told me that before
19:23Come here
19:25I'm going in
19:51I don't care what I see
19:52Yes, I do
19:56Who am I kidding?
19:59You mean he actually said
20:02He didn't want you
20:03At his awards ceremony?
20:05I can handle his being mad at me
20:07But this was
20:08Right to the old love pump
20:10That's how I got to see your show
20:12My son bought tickets to try to make it up to me
20:16It's not an olive branch
20:19It's a whole damn tree
20:20It's like I say when I'm in the astronaut suit
20:25I believe the children are our future
20:29I do too
20:32You can't really take what they say too seriously
20:38Lee
20:39They're teenagers
20:41I'll let you in on a little secret, Lois
20:45Even my 14-year-old is embarrassed by me
20:57No
20:58I know
20:59Hard to believe, isn't it?
21:01I am
21:01But you can't hold on to the past, Lois
21:06You've got to live in the here and now
21:10Because the here and now is a special, special gift
21:16That's why I call it
21:19The present
21:22Otto
21:31Oh, are you still here?
21:35I thought you quit
21:37You were right
21:40This is my fault
21:43For some reason, I've been sabotaging everything lately
21:48Knowing I've been here for a year, it's like
21:51People are depending on me now
21:54And I know that at some point I'm going to let them down
21:58Don't be ridiculous
22:00No one
22:04Expects you to be perfect
22:08If I wanted perfection, I would have hired a robot
22:12Or a Swede
22:13But I hired you, Francis, because
22:16You're smart, you're a hard worker
22:19And when you make a mistake, you'll fix it
22:22If falling down a web every once in a while
22:26Is the price I must pay to half you
22:29So be it
22:30Thanks, Anna
22:33There you are
22:36Thank God
22:38How did you find us?
22:40We just followed the fire
22:41What fire?
22:43One of the cows got through the gate you didn't fix
22:47And it knocked over one of the heat lamps you never took in
22:51Which set fire to the trail of gasoline from the open can in the back of your truck
22:58Which, by the way, also is on fire
23:02And you see, Francis, you thought you were a screw-up
23:0790,000 slot machines and not one of them right
23:14I am never trusting a prophetic dream again
23:18Thanks again, Malcolm
23:20Don't tell your father
23:22But meeting Boone Vincent actually made my knees
23:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
23:28It's me!
23:29It's me!
23:30It's me!
23:31Ow!
23:32What the?
23:33I found you!
23:34It's me!
23:35Ow!
23:36What the?
23:37I found you!
23:38It's me!
23:48Come on!
23:49Come on!
23:50Come on!
23:51Come on!
23:52It's all here!
23:53Would you like a free bowl, sir?
23:54Would you like a free bowl, sir?
23:56Yes, I would.
24:03Whoa!
24:07I knew it!
24:13Al, what is the matter?
24:15It's fate, Lois. I knew this would happen.
24:19I couldn't tell you because I knew you would be too close-minded.
24:22I cashed in our life insurance for this, but it all paid off.
24:26We are rich!
24:28You did what?
24:30Congratulations, sir.
24:32What's this?
24:33It's a coupon for a two-night stay at the Carson City Breezeway Motel.
24:38All you have to do is listen to a four-hour presentation about a wonderful timeshare opportunity.
24:49Do they have slot machines in Carson City?
24:52Come on, Gordo. You have to eat the pellets.
24:57You can't have any fattening food anymore.
25:00Please, Gordo. You've got to try one.
25:02Ow!
25:04I cut my finger.
25:07He's eating.
25:09I think he likes your blood.
25:11Okay, if I black out, pull my finger out of his mouth.
25:26So, ten hours of stony silence.
25:29I may have some thoughts I feel like sharing.
25:32I'll let you know.
25:33Well, this trip wasn't a total loss.
25:39At least I...
25:41It was a total loss.
25:43The good news is, the survival mechanism in my brain is kicking in.
25:47I'm already starting to block out what happened this weekend.
25:50She like making love.
25:56She like making love.
25:58Feel like making love to you.
26:06We must be happy.
26:07Ooh.