The Wonton Don | The Wonton Don
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00:00🎵
00:16🎵La Conte!🎵
00:18🎵
00:38This is my first time driving in six months.
00:41I hope you feel safe.
00:43Ten and two.
00:44So, we are about a half hour out from the Knoxville Airport
00:48where I'll be picking up Biz to film a pilot for our new hiking series.
00:52Now how this came to be, it's pretty much just a text message from Biz
00:56saying, why didn't you climb Mount Everest?
00:59Because he saw that I went to base camp and didn't climb the mountain.
01:02But apparently he's been hiking a bunch out in the Vancouver area
01:07and he wants to keep on hiking more.
01:10So, he thought we should try to turn it into some sort of content series.
01:15I was on board.
01:16I also enjoy hiking.
01:18Have I hiked much since that trip to Nepal? No.
01:22But I have been walking on a treadmill at an incline,
01:25which is the equivalent of just hiking indoors.
01:29So, I'm looking forward to it.
01:31I think this idea has legs.
01:33There he is, I think. I don't know.
01:35Oh, he's up to the right.
01:36Yep, he's giving me the sucking.
01:39Knoxville, Tennessee, baby!
01:42Long time no see, brother.
01:43Good to see you.
01:44How are you doing?
01:45Good.
01:46So, this is not a rental. This is now my car.
01:49I have the exact same car.
01:51Really?
01:52Maybe a couple years newer, like a 2018 or something.
01:56It's not a competition.
01:59Tomorrow is hike day.
02:01I'm so fired up for the hikes.
02:03It's such a beautiful landscape here with these trees changing colors.
02:07It's probably the perfect time of year to come here, isn't it?
02:10Leaf peeping season.
02:11The foliage.
02:12Yep.
02:13Whit taught me that word last time we were doing a sandbagger with two garrasks.
02:17I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to make this work.
02:21I go from Wayne Gretzky to Donnie Does.
02:24What a dynamic duo that is.
02:26Isn't that crazy?
02:27Holy shit, man.
02:28You're the hiking goat.
02:30I look at people's content regularly.
02:32If you're talking about going on an adventure with someone,
02:35Donnie is at the top of my list.
02:37One thing we're going to accomplish with this show is we're going to make hiking cool again.
02:41Yeah.
02:42A lot of people think hiking is only for chicks who don't shave their armpits.
02:46Yeah.
02:47But it's not.
02:48It's for people from all walks of life.
02:50All the next generation, everybody's on these things.
02:53I think that everybody needs an escape and a mental reset.
02:58I think that hiking provides that for me and it kind of brings me back down to reality.
03:03When you're hiking, you're not going to be on the trail just looking down at your phone and scrolling
03:08because you'll probably walk off a cliff.
03:10It forces you to focus on something else.
03:14I'll tell you what, right now I am not focused on the road.
03:17This is insane.
03:18I'm talking to Biz, fucking driving for the first time in six months, staring at my phone.
03:23All right.
03:24And you get to travel around the world and see these different places that you would have otherwise went.
03:29I've never been to Knoxville.
03:32Ever since it's called Gatlinburg.
03:34Gatlinburg.
03:35Gatlinburg.
03:36Gatlinburg.
03:37I've gotten a few messages and a few people have came up to me and be like,
03:42Hey, I heard on the pod you're going there.
03:44They said it's unbelievable.
03:46They said that there's a little bit of a touristy element to it with the downtown or whatever.
03:51But hey, whatever.
03:52We can go get a few souvenirs and nooks and crannies and meet some wackos and create some cool content.
03:59Yes, exactly.
04:00Yeah.
04:01This trip was to summit one of the tallest peaks in the Smoky Mountains, Mount La Conte.
04:06But first we wanted to check out the Gatlinburg Pigeon Forge area, known by many as the Myrtle Beach of the Mountains.
04:13This strip is one of the wonders of America.
04:16Live sharks.
04:17What is that?
04:18We don't know.
04:20You can't be asking us Biz.
04:21We're just as confused.
04:23It's a wacky tacky wonderland.
04:25On the right we got King Kong.
04:27Iceberg dead ahead.
04:29Filled with mountain coasters.
04:30This is Grove Back Rocky Mountain.
04:32Oh my God.
04:33Holy shit, this thing comes.
04:36Are they sure these things can't go off the rails?
04:39Woo hoo hoo.
04:41Indoor snow tubing.
04:43No, he never got there.
04:44My turn, bitch.
04:48And he got to the top.
04:49I'm the snow king, baby.
04:51I'm the snow king.
04:53Oh, sorry.
04:54I did it.
04:55I did it.
04:56I did it.
04:57And the best pancake houses in the country.
04:59You guys have freshly squeezed orange juice?
05:01We do.
05:02Okay, I'll just get an OJ.
05:03So I'm going to get the big bear breakfast.
05:05I was going to do two extra eggs too, so five eggs total.
05:08I'll go over medium if that's okay.
05:10I'll do just the bacon.
05:12I don't need the sausage patty.
05:13Could I just add more bacon?
05:15Do you guys do like a hash brown?
05:16I'll do that and I'll do them a little extra crispy.
05:19Instead of the toast or biscuit, can I stop for a pancake?
05:22No gravy or grits, please.
05:25Was that a high-maintenance order?
05:27Mine?
05:29Yes.
05:30No trip to the Gatlinburg area is complete, though,
05:33without a pit stop at the magical mecca of Dollywood.
05:36Oh, what a classy gesture, putting the butterfly as the W.
05:40The two O's should have just been two big O's.
05:44Can't wait to do the bra sniffing exhibit.
05:49Hey, how are you?
05:50I reached out to Dolly
05:52and let her know that we'd be coming through to film a little video about her park.
05:57I think they said they would leave tickets at the front.
06:01Well, you have to pay for parking.
06:03I think we should just keep going as far as we can on this road.
06:06Yeah.
06:07See how deep we can get in there.
06:09Are you trying to get wet or are you trying to stay dry, Dolly?
06:13I would love to get the super-soaker ride on Dolly.
06:15All right, but we've got to go to the splash park.
06:17Yeah.
06:18How are you doing?
06:19Hi there.
06:20How are you doing?
06:21We're just doing a little documentary.
06:23We reached out to Dollywood and the staff,
06:25and I don't know where we have to park exactly.
06:27Okay.
06:28Wilco is going to be over here, but you guys can...
06:33What's that sound?
06:34That's the train.
06:35We have an actual train.
06:37Oh, no shit.
06:38Oh, I can see the steam coming out of it.
06:40Yeah.
06:41That's awesome.
06:42It's like Donnie's ears when he's thinking.
06:44If you were a poor person here and back down into one of these spots, I could take you.
06:48Thank you, Tracy.
06:49Thanks.
06:52Dolly did, in fact, not have any tickets waiting for us.
06:55I thought it was going to be Dolly Parton's version of Graceland,
06:58and this just seems like an amusement park where I can do this anywhere.
07:01I came here to hike and go on fun, different adventures that I wouldn't have normally done.
07:07I feel like this is just like a poor man's Six Flags.
07:10No offense, no offense.
07:11I don't know much about Dolly.
07:12I know that she sings the song Working 9 to 5 and that she's got a pair of knockers.
07:17Hugest set I've ever seen.
07:19Hottest.
07:20Whit says she's the hottest 78-year-old in the world, which, duh.
07:23Dolly would, absolutely would.
07:26D would, baby.
07:28May the wood.
07:29My D becomes a big block of wood when I'm thinking of Dolly.
07:32Does she sing?
07:33Can I be honest with you?
07:34I thought we were coming to Dolly Parton's version of Graceland here,
07:39but this is just kind of like a money grab, like Dippin' Dots.
07:43What would you call it a money grab?
07:44There's a lot of her things, her clothes from shows, movies, things like that.
07:50A lot of her memorabilia in there.
07:54Maybe some really close to lingerie type things in there.
07:57I think we should go in.
07:58Because Dolly is, y'all, I'm just saying, I'm a female, but Dolly is fine.
08:04We all agree on that.
08:05Dolly is fine.
08:06Is she single?
08:07No, she's been married.
08:08And for their anniversary this year, she had done Playboy at one point,
08:13and she put her Playboy outfit on and still rocked it in her 90s.
08:20Y'all.
08:21She hasn't lost a step.
08:22Stop talking.
08:23She has not lost a step.
08:24You have to look that up, guys.
08:26And did you see her in the Dallas Cowboy uniform this year?
08:30Oh, yes.
08:31I have.
08:32You got to look it up, y'all.
08:34I'm just saying, Dolly, y'all.
08:36If you want to shout out your YouTube page,
08:38because she's starting a YouTube page about cruises.
08:41About what?
08:42Basically travel, but a lot of cruising.
08:45I just sent my parents for their 40th anniversary on one in Portugal,
08:48a smaller version of one,
08:50not the one where everybody is getting in fist fights over a slot machine,
08:53but the nice ones.
08:55Yeah, that does happen, though.
08:56Yeah.
08:57A nice one, though.
08:58You should start your own version of bum fights,
09:00but it's like people on cruises.
09:02Cruise fights.
09:03Cruise fights.
09:04That would be sick.
09:05Volume 3, the best fights on the open sea.
09:08We should add her to our hiking.
09:10We're doing a hiking.
09:11Yeah, so this is like a new show
09:13where we travel to a different part of the country and do a hike
09:16and then see some of the local attractions.
09:18Oh, we have some amazing hiking, guys.
09:20Tracy, I hope to run into you on a cruise someday.
09:22Absolutely, guys.
09:24Absolutely.
09:25Yeah, I will definitely be checking y'all out.
09:27All right.
09:28You're the best.
09:29Bye-bye.
09:30Love you.
09:31Thank you, Tracy.
09:32Thank you, Dollywood.
09:33Absolutely.
09:34You know what I found?
09:35I got a much better activity for us.
09:37You do?
09:38I do.
09:39Is it a secret or a surprise?
09:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:41It's a little surprise.
09:42While we never got eyes on Dolly's big breasts,
09:44Pigeon Forge had a much smaller attraction
09:47that was sure not to disappoint.
09:49We are live from a strip mall in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
09:53Where are we going?
09:54Are we going to the Bible Museum?
09:56The ammo outlet?
09:57Hot tubs, et cetera?
09:58Are we going to We the People?
09:59Trump's store and more?
10:01Are we going to Cooters?
10:02What's Cooters?
10:03Couldn't tell you.
10:04It's another word I use for a vagina,
10:06but I don't think that place sells vaginas.
10:08No, no, no, no, no.
10:09We are going to Micro Wrestling.
10:13Oh, I'm going to get you, boy.
10:19We do not want to bang up a Rando's car here.
10:22Let me just clarify something.
10:23When they say Micro Wrestling, they're not talking about like a really-
10:26Like this?
10:27Yeah.
10:28They're not talking about like a really small wrestling ring.
10:30No, they're talking about a bunch of little people.
10:32Oh, really?
10:33Wrestling each other.
10:34Oh, God.
10:35I almost went head first into that guy's truck.
10:37If you bang up a guy's truck around here,
10:39he's walking straight into ammo outlet.
10:41I'll be one of the little people.
10:42He's going to come out.
10:43He's going to rip your food off.
10:44Yeah.
10:48I feel like we have to buy some merch.
10:49Yeah.
10:50I think I'm going to get that shirt for Zaa.
10:51Save a horse, ride a micro.
10:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:53The Micro Wrestling Federation,
10:54which features wrestlers under five feet tall,
10:56was founded in 2000,
10:58but began its residency in Pigeon Forge
11:00with the grand opening of their 300-seat mini arena,
11:03the Microtorium, in 2019.
11:05Every year, they also perform over 200 shows
11:08all over the country to packed crowds of all ages
11:11and even have their own reality show,
11:13Big Little Brawlers, on the Discovery Channel.
11:16It's the wrestler.
11:17We were honored that some of their staff and wrestlers
11:19were willing to chat with us at the Microtorium
11:21while we were in town.
11:23So are you the emcee of the Micro Wrestling event tonight?
11:25I am. I am proud to be.
11:27I sing three Aussie songs every night,
11:29and then I commentate the matches.
11:31So you're Little Aussie, obviously.
11:32Little Aussie.
11:33What made you pick that theme?
11:35Everybody always told me,
11:37you sound like Aussie, you look like Aussie,
11:39so I started a band.
11:40And by the grace of God,
11:41Micro Wrestling called me a year and a half ago,
11:43and it's been the best job ever, man.
11:45Who garnishes the most popularity of all the wrestlers?
11:48Wow, it's so many.
11:49Who's the main event?
11:50Man, I think Psycho's the main event.
11:52Is he the one with the crazy eye?
11:53Yeah.
11:54He's been in insane asylums all of his life.
11:56Actually?
11:57Yeah, so he actually came here to wrestle and work.
11:59He's actually crazy.
12:01Do you do special matches,
12:03like maybe a ladder match,
12:04but obviously you wouldn't use a full-size ladder,
12:06it would be a smaller ladder?
12:08We have a small ladder that he has to get busted on,
12:10and we have an average ladder, a big ladder.
12:13Okay, cool.
12:14Are you the champ, actually?
12:16He is the Micro Wrestling champ.
12:18So are you going to be the headliner tonight?
12:20Meow.
12:21Meow.
12:22It's really all he says.
12:24Do you speak Spanish?
12:25Meow, meow, meow, meow.
12:26Meow, meow, meow, meow.
12:27Are you a cat?
12:29Micro Tiger, meow.
12:30He's a bad kitty in the ring.
12:32And when you get in the ring, it's...
12:35Meow.
12:36It's meow.
12:37Does the female wrestler, her name is Pinky,
12:40does she ever wrestle male wrestlers,
12:43or is there another micro female wrestler?
12:48Oh.
12:49So she does multiple jobs here?
12:52Yeah.
12:53She works... Okay, wow.
12:57Oh.
13:02Tiger!
13:04Oh, man.
13:07Oh!
13:09Get up, Pinky!
13:10I believe in you, we all do!
13:12Get him out of there!
13:13Get him back!
13:14She's half your size!
13:17Grab the rope!
13:18Grab it!
13:19You're Pinky Shortcakes.
13:20You're not Pinky Pancakes.
13:21It's time to get up and show some fight.
13:23Shut up, guy!
13:24Because right now, you're getting flattered.
13:25Get him out of the ring!
13:26Get him out of the ring!
13:28Oh, no!
13:29Oh, Jesus!
13:35No match!
13:36No match!
13:37No match!
13:38Woo!
13:47Oh, my God!
13:52Oh!
13:53Another one.
13:54Another one going in.
13:57Same, same.
14:02Another one, over.
14:03Slippery when wet.
14:07Oh!
14:09Psycho, are you okay, buddy?
14:11Are you okay?
14:12No, that guy ain't a real little person.
14:14He don't have no neck.
14:15That's what makes him a little person.
14:19Hey, you're a legend, buddy.
14:20Thank you so much...
14:21We might have to shave a couple miles off the hike tomorrow, that micro-wrestling took
14:26a lot out of me.
14:27Woo wee!
14:28That was something, I feel like I got in the ring, Donnie.
14:31I said I feel like I got in the ring!
14:35I feel like I got in the ring because you grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and just
14:39dragged me across the room halfway through.
14:41I was getting on the action there, I had to pull him back to my little chola, little chola.
14:48Did you actually get her number?
14:49Oh yeah.
14:50We wrung every last bit of fun out of Pigeon Forge, but now it was time to get serious
14:54about this hike.
14:55So headed to downtown Gatlinburg to load up on provisions.
14:58I think it's some Dinty Moor beef stew, or we go New England clam chowder?
15:03No.
15:04Dude, you've never had trail chowder?
15:05What if we do cream of mushroom, extra shroom?
15:09Not a chance.
15:11So you don't want anything creamy?
15:12No.
15:13Okay.
15:14We'll just keep our base.
15:15I think we do this one.
15:16And then a Dinty Moor?
15:18No!
15:19We're trying to help the mom and pop cans.
15:22We're not trying to help the corporate cans right now.
15:24The Kelsey cans.
15:25Look at that.
15:2612 grams of protein.
15:27How many's that got?
15:2810 grams.
15:29That's not a little more protein.
15:30Come on.
15:31Do you think like we really need those three extra grams of protein?
15:33I guess.
15:34I think it just tastes better.
15:35It's fucking chunky.
15:36This is Campbell's Chunky.
15:37You've never even tried a Dinty Moor.
15:39Have you tried that?
15:40Dude, Dinty Moor.
15:41No.
15:42Trail soup secured.
15:44Now we just needed a way to cook it.
15:46Do you guys happen to sell propane stoves?
15:48We have the small little can on that little shelf at the bottom.
15:52Are these allowed on any of the trails?
15:54I mean, please don't start another forest fire.
15:56No.
15:57They're still traumatized from the last one.
15:58Yeah.
15:59When did that happen?
16:00Eight years ago.
16:01Eight years ago, dude.
16:02Oh, that was bad.
16:03It was very bad.
16:04Some kids were playing with cigarettes the day after Thanksgiving.
16:05Smoggy.
16:06That's what you mean, playing with cigarettes.
16:07I mean, you could have a lot of fun with cigarettes.
16:10I mean, just sucking darts all around them?
16:12Yeah.
16:13Yeah, they were cranking out.
16:14What about bears?
16:16You got any bear spray?
16:17I think that's a risk I'm willing to take, is not buying bear spray.
16:19Sam.
16:20If you anger a bear, it'll attack you.
16:22If you annoy a bear, it'll leave you alone.
16:24If we see a bear, all three of us combined, we form the shape of one human.
16:29We transform him?
16:30Yeah, we transform him to transformers.
16:31I'll be the bottom.
16:32Yeah, he's on the bottom, and then I go middle, you go on top of me, and then we just start
16:38going...
16:39That sounds annoying.
16:42Good thing we brushed up on our bear etiquette, as we immediately ran into one.
16:46We just found a bear.
16:49But before I had a chance to annoy it myself, a cop started throwing rocks at it.
16:55Which to me seems more anger-inducing than annoying.
16:57Relax, bro.
16:58I don't get to see bears a lot.
17:00We capped off the night at a restaurant where I learned Biz does not know what a prime rib
17:04is.
17:0520 ounce.
17:06Is that, what do they call that, a porterhouse?
17:08We then got to bed early, so we'd be well-rested for the big hike.
17:16We're off.
17:17We're doing the Alum Cave Trail to the peak of Mount Lakonte.
17:20Lakonte!
17:21Lakonte!
17:22Mount Lakonte rises 5,301 feet above Gatlinburg, and is considered the tallest mountain east
17:31of the Rockies when measured from its base to the summit.
17:34It's a long one.
17:3511 miles round trip.
17:37That's half a marathon.
17:38Well, yeah.
17:39I thought marathon was 22 miles.
17:4126.
17:42Oh, shit, huh?
17:433,000 feet in elevation gain.
17:46We've got to gain some respect and credibility in the hiking community.
17:49We can't be doing no soft hike to start things off.
17:51No, not at all.
17:52We're trying to earn your respect, folks.
17:57Mount Lakonte.
17:58Five miles up, five miles down.
18:00Hey, Harry Knuckles.
18:02Our first ever hike together.
18:04Me and the wanton don.
18:05We're going to Lakonte.
18:07Top to the mountain.
18:09Five miles up, five miles down.
18:13Not bad.
18:14This is going to be an all-day hike.
18:15We're starting right now.
18:16It's 850.
18:17We might not be back till 5.
18:19But as Dolly Parton says, working 9 to 5, trying to find a way to make a living.
18:27Yeah.
18:30This first hour of the hike is all about just finding your rhythm.
18:33Yeah, I like to kind of get tapped in with my breathing.
18:36Who decided that there was 26 miles in a marathon?
18:39So it was a Greek dude.
18:41There was a battle.
18:42And I think it was in the city of Marathon.
18:45And they were like, dude, we need you to go get reinforcements.
18:49So he fucking sprinted 26.2 miles.
18:52He got there.
18:53He was like, our boys need help.
18:55And then he passed out and died.
18:57I wasn't expecting that.
18:58Are you a big history guy?
19:00I enjoy history.
19:02I don't know a lot about it.
19:04I don't read a lot.
19:06Who's the founding father of Canada?
19:08I'm pretty sure it's Alexander Graham Bell.
19:10I actually have no idea.
19:12So that could be right.
19:16Okay, I've officially broken my first sweat.
19:18Yep.
19:19I could keep going at this pace for days.
19:22Oh, this is a cool bridge.
19:23Oh, this is like a Ninja Warrior style.
19:26Let's go.
19:28Easy.
19:29Didn't even need a handrail.
19:33That'd be a fun little pool for you to jump in.
19:35Yeah, we have so many more miles to go.
19:38But I tell you what, after we've made it to the summit and we're coming back down,
19:41going for a little hippo mode sesh.
19:43That's a cold tub.
19:44In that tub, that's going to feel great.
19:46I would imagine there's a glacier at the top and this is glacier water.
19:49That would be my assumption.
19:51Yeah, I don't know if Tennessee gets a lot of glaciers these days.
19:55Holy, this is...
19:57Okay, this is...
19:58This is going to be sick.
19:59This is scary.
20:00Oh, I thought of an idea for the show.
20:03We're Peaking?
20:05Or something like I'm Peaking?
20:07That's a great name.
20:09Yeah, Peaking.
20:11Boom, name acquired.
20:13But you can't call your show Peaking if you haven't summited any peaks.
20:17So it was time to make this mountain our bitch.
20:20So it was time to make this mountain our bitch.
20:23I think up here we'll start seeing pockets of the smoke,
20:25which gave this place the name Smoky Mountains.
20:30Because it sure wasn't smoky the fucking bear.
20:32Oh, look at that.
20:33That's crazy.
20:34You can see where some of the fires were.
20:36Oh, this is awesome.
20:37The trail had been pretty easy so far, but we couldn't get cocky.
20:41You don't want to be caught sleeping on this hike right here.
20:44I mean, it looks like a booby trap of sorts.
20:46Somebody definitely set one up.
20:47They heard we were coming.
20:49I got to see those booby traps in Vietnam,
20:51the ones that they set for all the American soldiers.
20:54So they dig a hole, they put a leaf base,
20:59and then in the hole they have things like that
21:01where if you fall in it just...
21:04Kind of like in Braveheart.
21:05And then they had one where it was just a panel
21:07and a bunch of sticks in it, and it would just pop up
21:10and hit you right in the dick.
21:11No, like a dick shot?
21:13A dick shot, yeah, just boom, castrated.
21:16They didn't want them reproducing.
21:18They were taking four steps ahead.
21:21If they can't give birth and have more kids,
21:24then we're eventually going to out-populate them.
21:28Well, I guess they didn't have guns.
21:29That was why they were doing the dick shots with the sticks.
21:32I think they had guns, too.
21:33Oh, did they?
21:34Yeah.
21:35What were they fighting over?
21:37Oh, dude, we got a mountain to climb.
21:40I can't break down the reasons of the Vietnam War.
21:43I mean, I can along the hike, but we just got to get moving.
21:47Okay.
21:53At some point, you're going to have to stop being a hero
21:55and give Biz your pack.
21:56I want the accolades.
21:57Our filmer was being a hard-o and not letting Biz carry his pack,
22:01which reminded me of my Everest base camp trek.
22:04On that hike, we had Sherpas that were willing to, like,
22:06they would carry our giant duffel bags from camp to camp.
22:10So they were basically mules.
22:12Well, they're Sherpas.
22:15I don't think they appreciate being called mules.
22:17Well, I meant that as a compliment, as in, like, they're just machines.
22:21I'd be honored if you were my permanent Sherpa.
22:23I don't know if I trust you with my life, Sherpa.
22:25I don't even know what a life Sherpa is.
22:27You would trust me to carry your bags.
22:29Oh, a Sherpa is only somebody who helps with the bags.
22:32They haul.
22:33I think you're confusing a Sherpa and a shaman.
22:38Hey, Donnie, do you have any idea why they call them the Bluffs?
22:42Couldn't tell you.
22:44What even is a bluff?
22:45No, that's why I asked.
22:47I think it's just a hill cut in half.
22:49This looks bluffy to me.
22:51Fucking bluffaluffagus.
22:52Oh, shit.
22:53This is the bluff, dude.
22:54Yeah, it is.
22:55Bluffy the vampire slayer.
22:56Oh, wow.
22:58All right, we've made it to the Bluffs.
23:00We're about halfway there.
23:01We got 2.7 more miles to go.
23:03How are you feeling, buddy?
23:04I feel great.
23:05The pack is a little heavier.
23:07You've got a nice little lather going.
23:09I think the next 2.7 is going to be harder than the first 2.3.
23:12For a few reasons.
23:14Yeah, for a few reasons.
23:16Elevation and more elevation in our Scooby Snack trail mix.
23:20It's time to muck some mix.
23:22Yeah.
23:23So you've just got to dig through to find the good stuff.
23:27Oh, shit.
23:28I've had two.
23:30This is the last one I'll do.
23:32All right, cool.
23:33I've had either two or a little bigger than that one.
23:36All right.
23:37All right, maybe I'll do this.
23:38Okay.
23:39Listen, there's always more.
23:41Oh, are you trying to muck some mix, too?
23:44And we're rolling.
23:46My turn with the Go-pro.
23:48Are you rocking your T-shirt?
23:49You're obsessed with that T-shirt.
23:51This ain't no micro-hike, though.
23:53This is not a micro-hike.
23:55The micro-hike is microtechnology.
23:57Your tallest one was 500 metres.
23:59These are 200 metres.
24:00Copycats.
24:02What?
24:03It's 210 metres.
24:05Can I do this?
24:06You can try.
24:07No.
24:08If I can do it, I'll try.
24:09I'm not talking to gnarly people.
24:10What are you doing?
24:11Wow.
24:12The micro hike we just passed and that was at the Bluffs. Now we're going for La Conte!
24:18Although we did just take a micro dose of scooby snacks. Every time I take a scooby snack
24:24I feel like it opens up my my arteries. Like now I feel like I'm getting more oxygen. Oh, I feel tremendous right now.
24:30Yeah, I feel like I'm David fucking Goggins with that stuff. Oh, Dee Gogs?
24:34Squatting is maybe the hardest thing for me. Is it really? Well, yeah, I have to, you're too, because I can't go back
24:40I got no support on the back. You got bad ham sandies? Yes, I got bad ham sandies.
24:46I just, they're super tight. Like if I actually tried to do a proper squat, I would go off the cliff.
24:53That's a risk we're willing to take. Teach me the right form. I'll just give you a little run down. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa, see?
24:58I don't have a lot of muscle back there. That feels incredible. I know, I have magic hands. Maybe I'll just give you a tug at the top.
25:05Okay. I put a finger in his ass, too.
25:08All right, just support me. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just gonna try to do the right squat form.
25:14Oh yeah, you are leaning back a little bit. But see, like, I can do this, but then...
25:19Let's go.
25:21Broke back mountain action. All right, let's just, let's keep hiking.
25:28Do you, have you thought of a name for your kid yet?
25:31We got a couple possibilities.
25:34So, I got a question for you. My wife's half Puerto Rican. Do you think my kid could pull off a name like,
25:41like Juan or
25:43Antonio? Yeah, I think that, yeah, I think that's exotic and it would be fun.
25:47Okay, but he's probably, he's probably gonna come out like... Full white? Not looking Latin at all.
25:52I think Juan's a cool name. So you think a white guy can pull off a Juan?
25:57We were starting to hike up an appetite.
25:59You might be just sipping cold Campbell's. Because I just realized I didn't bring a lighter. Oh.
26:04But I think we might need a lighter to light the stove.
26:07I also don't know if we're even allowed to light a stove up here while they're like, you know, fear of forest fires.
26:12Well, that's also a part about being an outdoorsman is being able to start your own fire. Oh, yeah.
26:16Yeah, we could do that no problem.
26:18It had to stop thinking about food as we still had a ways to go. We just heard from those campers, those hikers,
26:25that it's about to get tough
26:28around the next switchback.
26:30How you feeling Beds? I feel great. I want to get one of those, those RVs. Yeah, they're called a Land Rover?
26:37No, Earth Roamer. You got it. Earth Roamer. Right in the head.
26:40I'd like to go down to South America and just drive down. You can't actually drive down.
26:45You can't? Because there's this area called the Darien Gap. There's no roads. It's in, it's in Panama.
26:51Yeah, but this thing's an Earth Roamer. That's the whole purpose of it.
26:54I don't think you could take an Earth Roamer to the Darien Gap. You could take an Earth Roamer to the top of this if you wanted to.
26:58You put Scooby Snacks in the gas tank and then it just brings you anywhere you want. It's basically like a rocket ship.
27:05Dude, this reminds me of, um, what were the, the walking trees that could talk? Willows?
27:11No, ants. Think of the ants from Lord of the Rings. I never saw it.
27:15They got walking talking trees in that movie. I feel like we'd find them around here. We're moving now boys.
27:23Shout out to Corey doing it with the pack the whole time. Just an absolute legend warrior.
27:27We've offered to take the pack. He keeps saying no. So now he's kind of being one of those annoying types.
27:31Oh, is he? Yeah, he's being the hard-o. Dude, you can go from a hero to a hard-o real quick.
27:35Boys, am I going too fast? I can slow down a little bit. I should take the back.
27:39Yeah, actually, I'll keep it and then you need a break. You're gonna keep being a hero?
27:43This is my personal thing for me. You're gonna have a hard-o.
27:46Hero or hard-o? Let's leave it up to the fans to decide. Is he being a hero or a hard-o?
27:50Let's just say if you have a heart attack, I'm gonna be like, that guy was a hard-o.
27:53And you're gonna have to get choppered down.
27:56At his funeral, he's like, give me the mic. Stop sympathizing for this loser. He's been a wicked hard-o.
28:03He's such a hard-o. Alright, you take it.
28:06Hey, before you hand it off, is there any more knee braces you want to put on?
28:10Yeah, how many fucking knee braces does this guy have?
28:14I got bad knees. Oh, you think?
28:21Yeah, my knees are fucked. That's the only reason I'll still run on a treadmill.
28:25You gotta do an incline. I always do an incline. What is this?
28:28You think I don't do inclines, buddy?
28:31Dude, I'm Donnie Inclines. I'm the most balanced man in the world.
28:35I'm getting vertigo just by standing next to you. You think this shit's steep?
28:39You should see my inclines on the treadmill, dude. I wholly do 15.
28:45Yeah, dude, I'm feeling those scoobies. The scoobies are kicking in.
28:49I gotta keep my wits about me. I don't want to be flopping off the mountaintop.
28:53What's up, everyone?
28:55Fizz tagging in here for a quick shift to give my live Sherpa Donnie a few minutes to come back down.
29:01Yeah, Fizz thinks this is easy. Meanwhile, the guy doesn't drink.
29:04Okay, yeah, try being a booze bag for a year and then doing this.
29:08The views are getting great though.
29:10He deserves to take in every remaining step of our incredible journey in peace.
29:15Although he was taking the title of our show way too seriously.
29:20Let's hope Donnie ditched his moon boots and is good enough to take back command.
29:24We'll be at the top in under an hour. This is when it gets steep, but we're just one foot in front of the other.
29:32Thanks, Dad. Hey, do you have any more motivational quotes?
29:35No. Well, yes. I got a great one for you.
29:37Okay, here it is.
29:38It's better to be off the beaten path than just on the path beaten off.
29:42I said that.
29:43That's your own? You're patting that?
29:44Yeah. I was hiking in China and there was a lady sitting down. She looked sad.
29:49We're off the beaten path, but you know, I'd rather be off the beaten path than just beaten off on the path.
29:54It just came to you in that moment?
29:56It just came to me in that moment.
29:58You're a wordsmith.
30:01But I feel like it's got a lot of truth to it, right?
30:03Oh, 100%.
30:04Did you end up hosing yet, Donnie?
30:06Have I what?
30:07Have you hosed yet?
30:08No, not yet.
30:09When I finally stopped to take a hose, I heard something bone chilling.
30:18There's someone out there just going, oh my God, oh my God.
30:20Shh, shh.
30:21So somebody just shouted, oh my God, oh my God, right before we turned the camera on.
30:26I would have assumed they saw it there, the way they reacted.
30:31Yeah, we just got to keep on hiking.
30:33There's no more screams. We're fine. They're either dead or they're fine.
30:37I mean, maybe we can help.
30:41This is what we're dealing with here. A lot quicker elevation.
30:45It's a little bit more damp.
30:47Just be careful.
30:49She's slippery.
30:51Oh, baby.
30:53That's probably what they were screaming about.
30:55What?
30:56This view.
30:57Put that thing on a goddamn postcard.
30:59I mean, yeah, this is postcard-esque.
31:03You don't seem to like it as much as I do.
31:06Are you hating on my view?
31:07Well, they put anything on a postcard these days.
31:10I think your perception, literally and figuratively, will change if you step up here about 50 more feet.
31:16I want to get your natural reaction as you see more ranges.
31:19Holy fuck!
31:21Are you kidding me?
31:23Jesus.
31:25Dude.
31:27That's a view.
31:29No bear attack. We're good.
31:31Put it on a postcard.
31:34I don't think you guys appreciated the ranges that were beyond the ones right here.
31:39Yeah, we got one range, two range.
31:41Buddy, what do you mean?
31:43There's fucking 20 of them.
31:45They just keep going as the clouds, the different shades of them, the way the light's hitting them.
31:50This is true beauty.
31:52Holy effing poop.
31:54Just look at the smoke coming over.
31:56Wow.
31:57You got that? Look at the smoke coming over.
31:59This is incredible, boys.
32:01It truly was beautiful enough to make someone scream in ecstasy.
32:04But moments later, we found the actual source of the yelling we heard earlier.
32:08I caught the llamas for the first time.
32:10What's that mean?
32:11The llamas, they come up and they bring all the supplies.
32:13They were coming up the trail and I got the whole stream of the llamas.
32:17Was it you who shouted out?
32:18Probably.
32:19Okay, yeah, we heard you.
32:20We heard you from all the way down there.
32:22Yeah, I was like, oh my God!
32:23Okay, hey, we found the shelter.
32:25Did you have any idea about the llama train?
32:27I heard about the llamas. I didn't think they...
32:30They're in the back, yeah.
32:31Let's catch the llamas.
32:32The llamas will be there for about an hour and a half or so.
32:34I think maybe longer.
32:35You're the best. Thank you so much.
32:36Love your energy, girl.
32:38She was a doll.
32:39Don't mind me.
32:40It's hiking with Holly.
32:42Oh, you got a channel?
32:44So we actually met traveling with Tracy and now we got hiking with Holly.
32:47Cruising with Tracy.
32:48Oh, is it cruising?
32:50I made your travel vlog.
32:51Okay, what are all your social medias?
32:53It's Solo Mountain Queen with you.
32:56And then of course, Hiking with Holly is my Facebook group.
32:59Holly Bryant is my name.
33:01I'm 53 years old.
33:02I'm a solo hiker and I never hike with anyone.
33:04I do this by myself.
33:05I summit Mt. La Conna all the time.
33:07I've done all the trails, so.
33:08You're a machine, girl.
33:10Hiking with Holly, there you go.
33:12You should be my Sherpa.
33:14I love it.
33:16Hey, so we got to catch this llama train, boys.
33:18What the fuck is a llama train?
33:20They bring their supplies.
33:21Yeah, there's a llama train.
33:23I'm still confused because I've seen llamas before.
33:25I don't know what the fuck a llama train is.
33:27They all travel together, I guess.
33:29And they take a different route.
33:31And so you have to cross paths with it.
33:33It's all coming together.
33:35I think it was traveling with Tracy, not cruising with Tracy.
33:39Are you sure?
33:40Dude, who knows?
33:41I was on another planet.
33:42Right, micro tiger?
33:44Micro tiger, yes, I am.
33:46I am the micro tiger.
33:48I need to channel his spirit.
33:49I need to channel the spirit of the micro tiger.
33:51What did he say?
33:52What was his noise?
33:53Meow.
33:54Do it nice.
33:55Meow.
33:58Do it nice?
33:59Well, that's the micro tiger spirit.
34:01That's all right.
34:02You're creeping me out, dude.
34:03You need to get that camera out of my face.
34:10We're getting close.
34:11Are we?
34:12We're getting close.
34:13You can get like a no-bake cookie in there.
34:14Get the no-bake cookie.
34:15Okay.
34:16Awesome.
34:17They got any treats in there in that cookie?
34:18Anything funky going on?
34:20No.
34:21No.
34:22All right, well.
34:24What's up, gang gang?
34:25Hey.
34:26We're getting there?
34:27Almost there.
34:28Oh, we're pumped.
34:29It's great.
34:30Is it really?
34:35So I will no longer refer to you as Wonton on our hikes.
34:38You're going to be Sherpa Don.
34:39Yep.
34:40Love that.
34:41God damn it.
34:42My heart stopped there for a quick minute.
34:44Oh, boys.
34:46This is fucking money.
34:49That's why they call them the Smokies.
34:51You can even see it rolling up this hill.
34:53What a perfect day to hike, though.
34:55This is incredible.
34:56We've gotten a little bit of everything.
34:57Do you guys want to hop in here to get this?
34:59Yeah, get in here.
35:01If you guys want us to take one of you, you can.
35:03We have a professional with us.
35:08We're doing a new hiking vlog.
35:10I'll bet you don't have any film in that camera.
35:12You don't got to talk to every hiker and say we're doing a new hiking show and then be like, oh, watch out.
35:17Oh, well, maybe that's how I want to do it.
35:18Any other issues with how I'm handling myself today, Wonton?
35:20I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
35:22Let's just keep walking.
35:24You're doing a great job.
35:27You're doing a great job.
35:28Hey.
35:29You're crushing it.
35:31Yeah.
35:32You got any ankle braces for our boy, Wonton, here?
35:35He looks like he went skating at the end of his career.
35:39Wow.
35:40This feels like we're in a different country at this point.
35:42Even these trees up here.
35:44I've never been to China, but if I had to guess, this would be what it would feel like.
35:47I would feel like it would be like a hike in China.
35:50China doesn't have a lot of woods anymore.
35:52It doesn't?
35:53No, they got rid of most of them.
35:55But, you know, Tiger Leaping Gorge, best hike of my life.
35:58It would be an honor to do that with you.
36:01Micro Tiger?
36:02Please call me your Life Sherpa and not your Micro Tiger.
36:05You're my little Micro Tiger.
36:07My little Micro Tiger.
36:09Oh, no.
36:11My goal by the time we get to the top is for my Life Sherpa to not want to do this with me anymore.
36:18It's going to be a new show like Hike with Holly, where she only hikes alone.
36:23Shh, shh.
36:25I know I did hear that.
36:27I think it was a bug.
36:28A bug?
36:29That's not a bug.
36:30There's something more than a bug.
36:31I think it was a loud bug.
36:33A cicada.
36:34I heard something.
36:35It came from over here.
36:36I did hear it.
36:37I got it on mine.
36:38Dude, that little bug and insect sound is going to make me...
36:40It's not an insect, dude.
36:42There's no way an insect could make a fucking voice.
36:44We walked by and an insect, like, squeaked.
36:50It actually is nice just to take in the silence, though.
36:52Yeah, can we just take the silence?
36:54Can we all have...
36:55You're the one fucking talking right now.
36:57Tensions were running high between Biz and I.
36:59Biz, I swear to God, if we miss the llamas because of you, I'm finding a new co-host.
37:04Look, I was the one buzzing the entire time.
37:07You keep blaming me for everything.
37:09You'll be talking and saying, we need silence.
37:11Okay.
37:12And then you'll say, we need to get there faster.
37:14And then you're the one stopping.
37:15I've been the fastest one the entire fucking time.
37:19Meow.
37:21All right.
37:22Meow.
37:23But thankfully, the summit was so close we could taste it.
37:26I would imagine we're about 20 minutes from the top.
37:28We're getting close.
37:29Just a beautiful change of scenery, too, towards the end here.
37:33Yeah.
37:34It actually feels like we're in the Pacific Northwest.
37:36Oh, we're here.
37:38We got here.
37:39This is amazing.
37:40We're not on the summit until I see a fucking llama, Biz.
37:53Oh, wow.
37:56Amazing.
37:58Oh, no wonder you could stay up here.
37:59Okay, so there's a bunch of them.
38:01This is like a village.
38:04Me and you could have rented our own cabin for the night, Biz.
38:07Me and my little micro tiger.
38:11Dude, it smells good.
38:12It smells amazing.
38:13We were going to have to make mountain stew.
38:15That would have been a disaster.
38:19What's going on?
38:21That was what you heard, Biz.
38:23What's going on?
38:25Biz just ignores it.
38:26Now we've just got to find a llama.
38:29I see a llama.
38:31We didn't miss the llamas.
38:37Llama Lane.
38:38Is that what that says right there?
38:40Literally, Llama Lane.
38:42And now that we were at the top of Mount Lakonte,
38:44I can officially say we were peaking.
38:48And we're not talking the capital of China.
38:51We're talking...
38:52Actually, that's the capital of China?
38:54Yeah, Peking.
38:55Oh, that's it.
38:56Peking.
38:57You're just a world of knowledge.
38:58Peking, episode one, done.
39:00You know what, Biz?
39:01Be it's all, and while we drink this beer,
39:03just go in and buy us a couple cookies, okay?
39:07Can you handle that, Biz?
39:09Can you handle...
39:10Can you handle buying us a couple cookies?
39:12You're a fucking idiot.
39:13Alright.
39:14No-bake cookie review.
39:18Damn, that's good.
39:19Do you want any more?
39:20Sure.
39:22Pretty good.
39:23It's actually good.
39:24This one's pretty good too.
39:25My God, it's a big T.
39:38Wayne Gretzky just texted me and goes,
39:40how's Montana?
39:43Wayne Gretzky thinks he's in Montana.
39:45Wayne-o, we're in Tennessee, not Montana.
39:47Close enough.
39:50Let the llamas say hello.
39:52I think I'm going to have to pass the pack off
39:54to you on the way down.
39:55No problem.
39:56I can carry two packs on the way down.
39:58If you are...
40:03I think we're good.
40:04I think we're good.
40:06Just don't want to...
40:07No, I felt like this thing just went a little bit lower.
40:10I think it's good.
40:11Do you think we could do like a one-minute recap
40:13of the trail on the way up?
40:14Or no?
40:15I just say it was awesome.
40:17I'm glad we picked this one for the first one.
40:21I'm trying to be serious.
40:23But we've got time, let's do it.
40:25This thing's about to...
40:28This thing's about to snap.
40:30We still haven't gotten that minute outro yet.
40:33All right.
40:35Oh, we did it, boys.
40:37There's nothing like getting to a mountaintop,
40:40just cranking a camp.
40:43Campbell's Chunky?
40:44Are you kidding me?
40:45No, no.
40:47You're not going to do that, are you?
40:49Yeah.
40:50I mean, it's cold.
40:51Everything's pre-cooked, right?
40:56That's actually great.
40:59I prefer it actually cold because I'm hot.
41:02What a hike.
41:08It was a great hike.
41:09I promise.
41:11So, yeah.
41:12What a hike.
41:14As I said before,
41:15the perfect pilot peak for us
41:18for this pilot episode.
41:21So scenic.
41:22It was unbelievable.
41:23I think llamas were the only wildlife that we saw.
41:25We saw a bear yesterday.
41:27But overall, just a perfect first hike.
41:29It was pretty hard towards the end.
41:30The elevation got pretty intense
41:32the second half of it.
41:34Really glad we did it.
41:35I didn't realize up here
41:36they had so many of these cabins
41:39where I guess it takes you
41:40about a year in advance
41:41to book them out.
41:43Maybe.
41:44Yeah.
41:45Wow.
41:46It was cool.
41:47The different vegetation we saw
41:48towards the end,
41:49like all the moss.
41:50I would assume...
41:57I mean...
41:58It's not a problem.
41:59The vegetation was...
42:00It changed a bunch.
42:02It felt like China.
42:03It felt like China.
42:04I've never been to China,
42:05but it felt like China.
42:06It felt like Japan.
42:07It felt like also Pacific Northwest.
42:08Pacific Northwest a lot.
42:10We had a couple perfect pockets
42:12that we saw
42:13and you guys will see along the way.
42:15Just grateful.
42:16Grateful to take on this journey with you.
42:18This is the first of many.
42:19Yeah.
42:20There's nothing...
42:21I mean, there's nothing I enjoy more
42:23than doing a hike in nature.
42:25So if we can turn this into a reoccurring thing,
42:28make it part of our jobs,
42:29that would be awesome.
42:31I'm sure Jack Link's or Campbell's
42:33will reach out.
42:35Either one.
42:36We can cut that if not.
42:37We're good.
42:38Eventually down the line,
42:39we're going to have to cook our own food,
42:41I think.
42:42I don't think we need to crack open
42:44this can of rocket fuel at the moment,
42:47but I'm confident we can figure it out.
42:49Well, I think that's a wrap.
42:50Great hike.
42:51Cheers.
42:52Cheers.
42:53I wanted to tell you guys,
42:54you know that this is the most
42:57biologically diverse national park.
43:01Oh, we're in a national park.
43:18To Bullhead Trail,
43:19yeah, we want to go that way.
43:20No, we came from this way.
43:21No, we didn't.
43:22No, because I said the exact same thing.
43:24We rolled down this way.
43:26We just blindly followed this down the wrong trail.
43:29We peaking.
43:30We peaking.
43:31We going to the top.
43:33We will not stop.
43:34We peaking.
43:35We peaking.
43:36Your girl leaking.
43:37While you're squeaking.
43:39And she's squirting.
43:40And we working.
43:41Okay.
43:47Oh, man.
43:48Nature's calling.
43:49Come on.
43:50Come on.
43:51Woo!
43:56You fucked us, Biz.
44:00That is a hippo-mode spot.
44:02You picked some fucking shitty creek.
44:05There wasn't even enough room for both of us in that tub.
44:08And then exposed your wrench to some people just passing by.
44:11What the fuck?
44:12I just wanted to show you my microfiber.
44:26Oh, my God.
44:27Oh, my God.
44:28Oh, my God.
44:29Oh, my God.
44:30Oh, my God.
44:31Oh, my God.
44:32Oh, my God.
44:33Oh, my God.
44:34Oh, my God.
44:35Oh, my God.
44:36Oh, my God.
44:37Oh, my God.
44:38Oh, my God.
44:39Oh, my God.
44:40Oh, my God.
44:41Oh, my God.
44:42Oh, my God.
44:43Oh, my God.
44:44Oh, my God.
44:45Oh, my God.
44:46Oh, my God.
44:47Oh, my God.
44:48Oh, my God.
44:49Oh, my God.
44:50Oh, my God.
44:51Oh, my God.
44:52Oh, my God.
44:53Oh, my God.