King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 9 The Company Man
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00:30All right, Bobby, why don't you read that Sunday school report to me
00:34like I'm a customer and you're trying to win my business?
00:38Okay.
00:39The man I admire most is my dad, Hank Hill.
00:45He sells propane and propane accessories.
00:49I like it already, son.
00:52You've grabbed my attention and got me eager for more.
00:56Howdy, Hank.
00:58Mr. Strickland.
01:00What you got there, old top?
01:03The man I most admire, my daddy.
01:06Oh, you got that right, Bobby.
01:09Fifteen years, I promoted him fifteen times all the way to assistant manager.
01:15You should be proud, son.
01:18You're his seed.
01:21I'm my daddy's seed.
01:24Hank, I got a grunt.
01:26Let's take a little meeting in the back.
01:28Bobby, here's the key to the March of Dimes gumball machine.
01:34All you can eat.
01:39Hank, you ever heard of Holloway Hollows?
01:43Isn't that that new development that promises country club living at price club prices?
01:48Yeah, that's the one.
01:51They're gonna need a propane supplier.
01:54Holloway himself is coming down here from Boston to check us out.
01:58This one is big, Hank.
02:01Hank, here's your sales kit.
02:06Rental car keys?
02:08Big old caddy.
02:11Yankees eat that stuff up like a baby at his mama's mall shop.
02:15What the heck is this?
02:19Well, that's one of them new counterfeit-proof Benny Franklin hundred-dollar bills.
02:24Sir, this is Hank Hill you're talking to.
02:28I'm not gonna need all that James Bond stuff to make the deal.
02:32Well, Hank, I don't want to sneeze during your backswing,
02:36but we got some competition.
02:39M.F.
02:40Fatherton.
02:43Fatherton?
02:50Sorry to call a meeting in the skunk works, boys.
02:54Now, I promise not to make a habit of it.
03:02Boy, Fatherton, those are some pretty tough sales quotas, I tell you what.
03:06You want to meet the quota?
03:07Take some propane to an old-age home.
03:11Tell them it's oxygen.
03:12You can't do that to old people.
03:16Aren't you the company man?
03:18You see, that's the difference between us.
03:21You're a worker bee, and I'm a queen.
03:24Say, huh?
03:26I'm going out on my own.
03:28Fatherton fuels.
03:30I already signed Strickland's top three accounts.
03:32Well, you've got one heck of a nerve plotting against a man while his seat's still warm.
03:39Take a good look around, Hank, because you ain't going nowhere.
03:44Well, that's where you're wrong.
03:47You can count on me, sir.
03:49I appreciate your vote of confidence, and I just want to...
03:53Hank, a little privacy, do you mind?
03:55Oh, look at this.
04:14It's long.
04:16It's like...
04:18It's so big.
04:19Ah, look at the size of old Ben Franklin's head.
04:25He truly was the homely genius.
04:27Well, take a good look, because it's going back to Strickland on Monday.
04:31But aren't you supposed to spend it on your big client?
04:34When have I ever needed a three-figure entertainment budget to sell propane?
04:40I'm going to close this deal the same way I always do.
04:44A cup of coffee, a slice of pie, and a handshake.
04:48And if I hit a snag, pie a la mode.
04:57Would you stop that?
04:58That horn is for highway emergency use only.
05:02And you two, get off.
05:03I've got to return this pimp mobile in the same condition.
05:09Oh.
05:10Why you have silly cow-caw, Hank?
05:13Hank's entertaining a business prospect from the East, Mr. Kahn.
05:19Oh, I see.
05:20Hank's suck up to make sale.
05:22Kahn, I have never had to suck up to make a sale, and I never will.
05:27What do you suppose the Holloways look like?
05:33You know those Boston types?
05:35Probably small, pale, and wearing penny loafers.
05:40Put her there, partner.
05:43Mr. Holloway?
05:44Is a prom dress tight after a six-pack?
05:47Which way to your Cadillac?
05:51This one is in the bag.
05:56How'd you like to freshen up with a nice hot towel?
06:00Oh.
06:01And here's one for you.
06:03Dang.
06:04These are Texas-sized hot towels.
06:06You know, Peggy heated these towels on our propane-powered Hot Point range.
06:13Did a great job, I'll tell you what.
06:15I'll tell you what.
06:18I like that.
06:19I'm going to say it while I'm here.
06:21Well, I'd like to tell you what Strickland can do to meet your energy needs.
06:28You see, at Strickland, the customer comes first.
06:32It's kind of interesting.
06:34The word customer begins with see you.
06:38Well, we don't see you as just another sale, but as a member of our team.
06:44Mm-hmm.
06:51Pie.
06:55Do you like pie?
06:57I do.
07:01We got the best pie in town here, Mr. Holloway.
07:06And it's cooked with Strickland propane, too.
07:10Hey, look.
07:11There's a real old Texas jukebox, just like in the last picture show.
07:16What do you have, Hank?
07:18Salesman special?
07:20Yes, ma'am.
07:21Three slices of pecan pie and two cups of coffee.
07:25And three scoops of ice cream.
07:27Now, hold on, son.
07:30Let me let you in on a little salesman trick.
07:34Don't start off with ice cream right away.
07:37Because if you run into a hitch, you got no place to go.
07:41What kind of Texas jukebox is that for crying out loud?
07:44It doesn't even have the theme from Dallas.
07:47Mr. Holloway, I won't beat around the bush.
07:50There's 14 reasons to go with Strickland propane.
07:5914 very compelling reasons.
08:03J.R., J.R., he's a really bad guy who lives on a ranch with his mom.
08:13Say, I'm gonna call you J.R. from now on.
08:17Well, howdy, Hank.
08:21Ain't you gonna introduce me to your golden-throated friend here?
08:26Sure, I'll introduce you.
08:29Mr. Holloway, this is the only man ever censured by the Texas Propane Association
08:36for lewdness and conduct unbecoming a propane salesman.
08:41M.F. Faverton.
08:43Faverton Fuels.
08:44Dang glad to meet you, M.F.
08:48The M.F. stands for...
08:49My friend.
08:51Because at Thousand Fuels, we're everybody's friend,
08:54and we want to be your friend, too, Mr. Holloway.
08:57Who's this, Hank?
08:59Your district sales manager?
09:01I'm his son, Bobby.
09:03I'm waiting for my pie.
09:04I can see you get your sense of humor from your daddy.
09:09He gets a sense of humor from both his parents.
09:12Thank you very much.
09:13Pleasure meeting you, Holloway.
09:16I'll let old Hank get on with his 14-reason speech.
09:22Bobby, you can tell your Sunday school class that you met a real Texan today.
09:28M.F.
09:28Faverton.
09:33Uh, Joe Tiffany, you better make that pie a la mode.
09:38Under your very feet, Mr. Holloway, is what's called the propane crossroads.
09:52It's the only place in the world you can straddle the east and west pipelines.
09:58You want Texas, Mr. Holloway?
10:01This is Texas.
10:03Where are the oil wells?
10:05Where are the rattlers?
10:06J.R., I want to buy a six-shooter.
10:14Careful now.
10:15This frito pie is spicy, spicy, spicy.
10:20Mmm.
10:21Mmm.
10:23Mmm.
10:24Oh, that's yummy.
10:25Yes, it's wonderful.
10:27But, Peggy, you shouldn't make such a fuss over me.
10:29I just want you to be yourself while I'm here.
10:32That is the only gal I know how to be.
10:36I told you nicely to buy me a gun.
10:40Well, I know it's always fun to take home a keepsake, but your time is so valuable.
10:45Whew.
10:48Look at all this nothing.
10:50What's the suicide rate out here?
10:52Uh, do you mean right here?
10:54Because this is where Holloway Hollows is going up.
11:00Something's wrong.
11:01Yeah, it's the darn unions.
11:04Come on, boys.
11:05Finish up them little debbies and get back to work.
11:07No, no.
11:08Something's wrong with you.
11:11Hmm?
11:12Where's your cowboy boots?
11:14I don't have cowboy boots.
11:17You know, Mr. Holloway, Texas has changed a lot since the 1850s.
11:22Oh, jeez.
11:24I just wanted to see some boots or spurs or anything.
11:28I come all the way from Boston to see Texas and you don't have real boots or guns or nothing.
11:36Fotherton.
11:37You know, Mr. Holloway, I once had a pair of boots.
11:43And, uh, and then one day my Uncle Fess lost his in a tornado.
11:49Oh, you mean a twister?
11:51Yep.
11:52Huh?
11:52A big Texas-sized twister.
11:55I tell you what.
11:57Well, that dang twister sucked his boots plumb off.
12:03Well, you can't bury a man in his stocking feet.
12:06It's the cowboy code.
12:08So I gave him my boots, and that's the story of what happened to my boots.
12:14Wow.
12:15This is great, J.R.
12:17I always thought you were afraid to wear boots because your toes are too fat.
12:22In the summer of 1953, something that I treasure happened right there in that pink house.
12:29What, Peggy?
12:30The noted poet Ogden Nash wrote his poem, The Cow.
12:34The Cow is of the Boban ilk.
12:38One end is moo, the other milk.
12:48Sir, um, I don't really recommend a cowboy boot for a chubby-toed customer like yourself.
12:56You might want to try a Birkenstock sandal.
13:00Shut the hell up.
13:01Here's your spurs, J.R.
13:05I'll pick him out.
13:08Well, that sure wouldn't complete the outfit, but I don't want to scar the carpet.
13:14Who cares about the carpet?
13:16You hurt my feelings.
13:18You know what else he needs?
13:20A hat.
13:21Yeah, yeah, a big old cowboy hat.
13:25I want to see Texas with a guy in a big cowboy hat like mine.
13:29I'm not wearing a dumb hat.
13:32Huh.
13:32I thought you were a real Texan like that fathom fellow from the coffee shop.
13:41I'm only not wearing the hat because of my solemn vow I made to President Lyndon Baines Johnson
13:49on the occasion of the birth of his daughter, Lynda Bird.
13:56Lyndon Johnson killed R. Kennedy.
14:00Oh.
14:01And this.
14:08Hey, man, look at that rhinestone cowboy, man.
14:13Oh, Lord, not now.
14:16Look, J.I., an engine and a hillbilly.
14:19Hell, man.
14:21Yo, man, call Dr. Scholes, man.
14:24Nine-one-one, man.
14:26Yo, look like that dang old horse caught riding with that old crap, man, yo.
14:30Oh.
14:39Aha!
14:41Toe cramp!
14:42Toe cramp!
14:42Hurry!
14:43Oh.
14:45All right.
14:46What is going on, Hank?
14:48The way Bobby tells it, you bought my freedom from the Comanches with your rodeo winnings?
14:53And you were worth every penny.
14:55Hey.
14:58Uh, look, Peggy, being a salesman is a little like being an actor.
15:04I'm just playing a role.
15:06You know, like that fella at the dinner theater you liked so much.
15:11Oh, this is not Camelot, and you are not Jason Alexander.
15:16Uh, you're not wearing that to dinner, are you?
15:19What, you don't like it?
15:21I got this pantsuit special for tonight.
15:23It's from Frumpy's.
15:25Yeah.
15:26Don't you still have that bridesmaid outfit you wore to one of Luanne's mama's weddings?
15:31Oh, here.
15:34You know, I'd forgotten just how pretty this is.
15:37Hey, Dad, I was going over the stuff you told Mr. Holloway.
15:47How could Mom get pregnant with me if you spent the 80s in a Mexican POW camp?
15:55Look, Bobby, uh, some of that stuff, uh, the details aren't so important.
16:01I gotta get my facts straight, Dad.
16:05There's a Q&A after my speech tomorrow, and these Sunday school kids are tough.
16:11I'll help you, son, I promise.
16:13When I get home tonight, we'll sit down and go over anything you might have, uh, taken out of context.
16:26Oh, I am so sorry Mrs. Holloway didn't feel well enough to join us.
16:30I guess something she ate on the plane didn't agree with her.
16:35Hi, Mrs. Holloway.
16:37Want some cold frito pie?
16:41Ah, she'll be fine.
16:43Besides, every man needs to be cut from his ball and chain now and again.
16:48Ain't that right, Jaya?
16:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:54Mr. Hill, your table is ready.
16:56The four-top of 39 needs more iced tea, hon.
17:0086 the jalapeno cornbread.
17:08Howdy, partners.
17:10Welcome to the Panhandler,
17:12home of the world's longest salad bar and second longest sneeze guard.
17:17Would you cowboys care to take on our 72-ounce Lone Star steak?
17:21Finish it, and it's free.
17:23How much if you can't finish it?
17:26Well, sir, like my daddy always said,
17:29if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
17:32That's what I'm having.
17:34Oh.
17:44Lord, no, Mr. Holloway.
17:50You're gonna fill up on free stuff.
17:52Hey, Roy Rogers, Halloween was last year.
17:57Mr. Holloway, these are, uh, my neighbors, Dale and Nancy Gribble.
18:03Mr. Holloway came all the way from Boston.
18:06Yeah, I know the place.
18:08That's in Taxachusetts, ain't it?
18:11Say hello to Willie Horton for me when you get home.
18:14He's teaching at your kindergarten.
18:16I'm sorry, Mr. Gribble,
18:19but a cowboy don't talk politics at the Chow Wagon.
18:22Happy trails.
18:24I haven't got my croutons yet.
18:27Oh, stick a fork in me.
18:43I'm done.
18:46No, no, you're not.
18:48Give me a quarter, J.R.
18:49I'm gonna go test my grip.
18:55Mm, yeah, I thought so.
18:57You've got something right there on your back, honey.
19:00What?
19:01Footprints.
19:02Break time's over, darling.
19:04The kitchen's backed up.
19:06Well, I have had just about all I can swallow.
19:09How about you, J.R.?
19:13Peggy, I'm making progress here.
19:16I can always tell when a customer's ready for the close.
19:21Mr. Thatherton, your table is ready.
19:25Thatherton!
19:26And his table is ready.
19:28I gotta go.
19:28J.R., my friend Thatherton is taking me to that club
19:41where all the waitresses are former Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
19:46Too late, Thatherton.
19:47If anyone's taking Holloway to a gentleman's club, it's me.
19:51Well, now I'll see you over there, then.
19:55I like that guy.
19:57Holloway, don't move a muscle.
20:01Get me some protection, too.
20:07The man I admire most is my dad.
20:24Okay.
20:25Have fun, boys.
20:27I'll see you next time.
20:29Phew, I thought you might be mad.
20:34Uh, because I was supposed to help Bobby,
20:38and instead we're going to Jug Store Cowboys
20:44as part of my work-required sales excursion that, as I said, keeps you in pretty dresses like that one.
20:57Get out.
20:58Uh, Peggy, could you loan me, uh, 50 bucks ought to cover it, and, and can I have ones, you know, for the G-strings?
21:15How versatile is propane?
21:18How versatile is propane?
21:24Well, propane will do everything that natural gas will do, and more.
21:30Please, ma'am, I'm trying to carry on a conversation.
21:35Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see your rear, very nice.
21:38Okay, there's some people over there that want to look, too.
21:43Now, how about it, Mr. Holloway?
21:45Will you say yes to Strickland propane?
21:49Buy me a mint julep.
21:51Heck, that's not a Texas drink.
21:54You can't even keep your stereotype straight.
21:57Hey, come on, buy me a mint julep.
22:00Then I'll talk to you about propane.
22:05Mint julep, please.
22:08Mint julep?
22:09Yeah, it's not for me.
22:11I got a Yankee client.
22:13Hmm.
22:14He make you wear that hat.
22:16Yep.
22:17Oh, honey, I know exactly how you feel.
22:20Every night, my boss makes me put on this humiliating outfit to seduce some drunk out of his money.
22:27We're a lot alike.
22:31Why do we do it, uh, chiffon?
22:37We do it for the money, cowboy.
22:40I never made six figures a year at the potato hut.
22:44Six figures?
22:46Oh, yeah.
22:47Soon I'll have enough money to stay home with my granddaughter and her baby.
22:52I should be home, too, helping my boy with his Sunday school report.
22:58Hey, how about a lap dance?
23:03Honey, what are you still doing up?
23:05I don't get it.
23:07How could he have fought in the Spanish-American War the same year he invented the world's first pressure-cookin' chicken fryer?
23:15Oh, Bobby, your father never fought in any war.
23:20Oh, I know.
23:22I've given up on that.
23:24The man I most admire now is Colonel Sanders.
23:28Here's your julep, Holloway.
23:32Let's talk propane.
23:36Oh!
23:37Oh!
23:39You call this a mint julep?
23:41Where's the vodka?
23:42Where's the tomato juice?
23:44Maybe I ought to let Thatherton buy my drinks from now on.
23:48I tell you what.
23:50Mr., I'll tell you what.
23:56I don't want your business.
23:58Not this way.
23:59You want to go with Thatherton, go.
24:02But one of these days when your propane mixture's only 89% and you have a smelly condo development full of crying babies whose bottles haven't been properly heated, you give me a call.
24:15My name is Hank Hill, and I sell propane and propane accessories with honor and dignity.
24:24Oh, them's fighting words, J.R.
24:29This isn't a John Wayne movie, Holloway.
24:33I'm not gonna fight you.
24:35I'll fight you, pilgrim.
24:39Yee-pah!
24:44Right in the face.
24:45He doesn't have an oil well.
24:50He doesn't own a Cadillac.
24:52And he doesn't wear cowboy boots because he's not a cowboy.
24:58And on account of they squish his toes.
25:02But the man I admire most is a real Texan.
25:06He is my daddy, Hank Hill.
25:13That's my boy.
25:19And I want to thank my dad, especially for accepting me and raising me as his own, even though I was fathered by another man while Mr. Hank Hill was in a Mexican POW camp.
25:42Oh.
25:44Oh, oh, oh, oh.
26:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.