King Of The Hill Season 1 Episode 10 Keeping Up With Our Joneses
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00:00We'll be back.
00:30This grout is supposed to stay white for 20 years.
00:34What's it been? 17? 18?
00:37Peggy, where's that receipt?
00:40Uncle Hank!
00:41Ah! Don't you know not to barge in here when I'm in the shower?
00:46Oh, for goodness sakes, Hank. You are fully clothed.
00:49This time, next time, I might not be so lucky.
00:53Just look at Lady Bird.
00:55Oh, Lady Bird. Didn't Luann make you look pretty? Pretty dog? Who's a pretty dog?
01:02Get that stuff off of her. She looks like Fran Drescher.
01:06I didn't put it on. Your dog ate all my cruelty-free makeups.
01:12Okay, honey. Calm down. If she tries it again, you just give her a little tap on the fanny with a rolled-up newspaper.
01:19I spent extra money to buy cruelty-free. I'll do a lot more than tap her.
01:25I found a spark plug. Great. Now we need five more of those, an engine, four wheels, some kind of frame, and a cassette radio, and we got our death card.
01:41Hey, look what I found.
01:48A Manitoba 100. The official cigarette of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
01:59Wow. I never had one of those.
02:03You ever had any cigarette?
02:06Well, no. How about you?
02:09Only secondhand from my dad.
02:13You wanna spark it?
02:18No, no, no, no, no, no!
02:33Quick, pull the knob!
02:36Is someone in there?
02:39Is this John Occupied?
02:42Es esta Juan Occupado?
02:46Si.
02:48Bobby, is that you?
02:50Oh.
02:52Oh.
02:54Well, do you want to lose a lung?
02:56Because if you do, I am sure there's another little boy out there who would take it in a second.
03:00Didn't you read this?
03:02Cancer, heart disease, emphysema.
03:06Well, I thought those were the ingredients.
03:09Hey, do not be a smart mouth, young man.
03:12Now, I gave up smoking so you could be free of birth defects, and this is how you repay me?
03:17Yeah, you don't know how hard it is to quit.
03:21Your mother and I went through hell trying to...
03:24Hey, don't recline, oh, Mike, while I'm talking to you.
03:28Bobby, smoking is a nasty, filthy, filthy habit.
03:32And only trailer trash smoke nowadays.
03:35Now, do you want to look like trailer trash?
03:37That's not fair.
03:38I like smoke.
03:40Lou, what?
03:42Lord, Hank, you finish this.
03:45Oh, honey, you are not trash.
03:47Just because you grew up in a trailer and your mama's in prison.
03:50All right, Joe Camel.
03:52You want to smoke, let's go smoke.
03:56Now, look here.
03:58You are going to smoke this entire carton.
04:02Huh?
04:03I thought you said you didn't want me to smoke anymore.
04:09Oh, this will take care of that, believe me.
04:12I wish my daddy had the parenting skills to do this for me, I tell you what.
04:20Start puffing, boy.
04:22We got to get through 200 of these.
04:25Joseph, I understand you smoked your first cigarette today.
04:30I'm sorry, Dad.
04:31I'll never smoke again.
04:33Whoa, hold on, son.
04:36I want you to keep an open mind so you can make an informed decision.
04:40If you want, you can read a bloated government report on smoking.
04:45Or go straight to the horse's mouth and get the facts from the tobacco industry.
04:50For God's sakes, Bobby, what nationality are you?
05:06American.
05:08Then why are you holding your cigarette like some kind of European Nazi in the movie?
05:14Why does it matter?
05:16Well, that's not the right sort of attitude for you to have.
05:20Whatever you do, you should do right.
05:23Even if it's something wrong.
05:26Okay.
05:29No, no, no.
05:31I said American.
05:32Here, let me show you.
05:33That is not how to inhale, Bobby.
05:52You're hot-boxing it.
05:54You got to inhale slow.
05:56You see?
06:08Slow like that.
06:12Okay.
06:13Wait a minute.
06:15Let me show you one more time.
06:18No two ways about it.
06:20Smoking is a filthy, disgusting habit.
06:23How come you smoked?
06:29Well, it wasn't as bad for you back then.
06:35Wow.
06:36Burdicane, huh?
06:38The trick is to get your thumb under the filter.
06:42But of course, smoking is wrong, so you'll have to try this with a dowel or something.
06:47Come on, only one pack left.
06:57I think I'm going to barf.
07:00That's what I wanted to hear.
07:02Good job, son.
07:03Uh, when you're finished, you want to get that with a hose?
07:17You see, raising a boy is like fixing a radiator.
07:21You don't talk it into working right.
07:24You have to take it out back and flush it clean.
07:27What's wrong, Hank?
07:49Why are you always asking me that?
07:51What's wrong with you?
07:52How does that sound for a change?
07:54Well, I've just asked you once.
07:57Oh, was it about Bobby and that cigarette today?
08:00No, I took care of that.
08:02I made him smoke a whole carton until he was as sick as he's ever been in his life.
08:08Hank Hill, what on God's earth were you thinking?
08:12He is just a little boy.
08:14You stunt his growth, he will stay that way.
08:17Peggy, it's late.
08:18I'm tired.
08:20Let's just go to sleep.
08:21I got to go do some stuff.
08:29I think I might have left the blender on.
08:32I think I might have left the blender on.
08:33I think I might have left the blender on.
08:34I think I might have left the blender on.
08:35I think I might have left the blender on.
08:36I think I might have left the blender on.
08:37I think I might have left the blender on.
08:38I think I might have left the blender on.
08:39I think I might have left the blender on.
08:40I think I might have left the blender on.
08:41I think I might have left the blender on.
08:42I think I might have left the blender on.
08:43I think I might have left the blender on.
08:44I think I might have left the blender on.
08:45I think I might have left the blender on.
08:46I think I might have left the blender on.
08:47I think I might have left the blender on.
08:49I think I might have left the blender on.
08:51Oh, my God.
09:21Oh, my God.
09:52Hey there, Enrique.
09:55Uh, sorry, Mr. Hill. I know I'm not supposed to be smoking.
10:00Oh, Hill, what's a rule for if you can't break it once in a while?
10:04Well, and times got hard after NAFTA sent the pinata jobs north.
10:13That's quite a story, Enrique. I like stories. I like stories about pinatas. In fact, I like everything you have to say. Let's me and you visit your hometown sometime the way you had the courtesy to come see mine.
10:32I'd be honored for you to meet my family, Mr. Hill.
10:34And I'd be honored for you to meet my... Oh, no, my wife.
10:40Hi, Hank. Honey, can you take a lunch break?
10:44Uh, sure.
10:45Huh? Oh, there was mail.
10:54How do you like that, hmm?
11:14Is your heart racing? Are you upset? Now you know how I feel when you eat my make-ups.
11:25Oh, for heaven's sake. That flesh-eating virus has claimed another victim.
11:29Well, don't let it worry you, Peggy. Sometimes you just gotta relax and enjoy life for all its rich, mellow flavor.
11:39Hank, what are you doing?
11:41Oh, uh, oh, uh, well, Bobby vomited with one pack to go. I couldn't throw him out. That would be wasteful.
11:52But we haven't smoked for 12 years.
11:54I know, but, well, hey, doesn't the smell take you back?
12:04Hmm.
12:07What do you get when you fall in love?
12:11You've got everything to test your bubble.
12:16That's what you get for your trouble.
12:19Oh, that feels like, what, a hundred years ago.
12:50It doesn't have to.
12:52Hmm.
12:54Hmm.
13:00Hmm.
13:01Hmm.
13:07Hmm.
13:08Shouldn't we be getting home?
13:10Hmm.
13:10Oh, Hank, let's just stay a moment longer.
13:16Ooh!
13:17Oh, boy!
13:18Oh, boy!
13:21Oh, I feel so alive with pleasure.
13:35Fine day, isn't it, boy?
13:37Oh, Hank, there is a tile in the bathroom that I think we missed.
13:44Really?
13:44Really?
13:45Well, I better check that out.
13:56Well, I found the tile.
13:59Thank you very much, Peggy.
14:01And I looked at it, but there's still some more tile for you to look at.
14:06You know, I think I will save the rest of my tile for after breakfast.
14:12Will you stop talking about your stupid tile?
14:15If it's so dirty, go clean it, and if it's clean, you can shut up!
14:20Hey, I've got an idea.
14:26Let's go eat at that place we used to go when we smoked with the Jazz Combo.
14:34Smokey's?
14:34Yeah, that's the one.
14:36Yep.
14:50Yep.
14:52Yep.
14:53Hey, man, y'all, don't put that dang old thing out, man.
15:10Y'all gonna lighten up like that, man.
15:12You're gonna do that like a dang old junkie, man.
15:14You're gonna go messing up my head with that dang old secondary nicotine like that, man.
15:18Oh, Hank, I thought you gave that up.
15:22Welcome back, friend.
15:25I knew this day would come.
15:28Dale, get off of me.
15:34Yep, same old Smokey's.
15:37Place hasn't changed a bit.
15:39Now, where is old Smokey?
15:41We would love to say hi.
15:42Oh, Smokey's no longer with us.
15:46Oh, I'm so sorry.
15:47Well, it's for the best, darling.
15:50Those last few years when it spread to his bones.
15:54Smoking or non-smoking?
15:56Uh, smoking.
16:17What's going on in here?
16:36Bobby, what are you doing with the cigarette?
16:38You aren't gonna burn this house down.
16:40Hey, all right.
16:42You guys smoke, too?
16:43What we do is none of your business.
16:46I told you not to smoke.
16:49Do I have to take you out back with another carton of cigarettes?
16:54I think you do.
16:55I cannot believe that you're all smoking.
16:59Don't you know that more people die of smoking than die of war in Vietnam every day?
17:07I'm begging you, put out your cigarettes and keep them out.
17:12She's right, Hank.
17:14How can we expect Bobby to quit when we won't?
17:19We're the adults.
17:20We have to set an example.
17:23Hey, that's my run.
17:25No one said it was gonna be easy, son.
17:35Future non-smokers, take a look to your left.
17:41Now take a look to your right.
17:43Who do you see?
17:45Don't be shy.
17:46There are no wrong answers here.
17:49I see a caring human being.
17:50No, you see your buddies for a better life.
17:56I've got the strangest feeling someone's gonna kick his ass.
18:01Oh, come on, Hank.
18:02Will you just give it a chance?
18:04Yes, buddy.
18:06Give it a chance.
18:08Bill, what are you doing here?
18:11Well, I know you think of me as a pretty together guy,
18:14but sometimes I need a little help.
18:18Just six nights a week for 20 years.
18:22Looks like someone found a buddy.
18:24Hey there.
18:26Why don't you tell us your name and how long you've been smoking?
18:29Uh, I'd rather not.
18:31I understand.
18:33It's not easy to admit we're weak.
18:36You're calling me weak?
18:38Look at your little birdie arms.
18:41They're no thicker than a cigarette.
18:42I could smoke them little arms.
18:45Come on, Dad.
18:46Open up.
18:47Ah.
18:48Is this your son?
18:51It's beautiful how you came out to support your daddy.
18:54I'm a smoker, too.
18:56Oh, no.
18:58How long have you been addicted to cigarettes?
19:00Since my dad let me smoke a whole carton.
19:04Oh.
19:06Wait a minute.
19:08I didn't let him.
19:09I made him.
19:11It was a punishment.
19:12Can I do a new buddy?
19:15What is wrong with him?
19:17You are sick, sir.
19:19You shouldn't be allowed to have children.
19:21Now, hold on a minute here.
19:23I didn't bring my family here to be yelled at.
19:27I don't think I like this club.
19:30You all whine too much and the coffee's bad.
19:33I'll tell you what you need to do.
19:35You need to take a 13th step.
19:38Down off your high horse.
19:40Yeah.
19:40Yeah.
19:48Here's to three of the bravest individuals in all of Ireland.
19:53To the hills and their tobacco-free future.
19:56My God, are you still talking?
19:59Why's my potato got skin on it?
20:03I hate skin.
20:05I will not sit here and have my work insulted.
20:09What?
20:09Do you think the potatoes just fly into the bowl and mash themselves?
20:14I know y'all don't mean none of those harsh words.
20:18It's just a nicotine withdrawal.
20:21Why is she still talking?
20:24Oh, my God.
20:34Drop it.
20:35Drop.
20:36Drop it.
20:42Bobby, Hank, hold on.
20:44I've got it.
20:45When's this thing supposed to kick in?
20:54It's not working.
20:56It's broken.
20:59Bobby, the patch goes on your shoulder.
21:02Bobby.
21:03Bobby.
21:09Bobby, spit it out.
21:10Spit it out.
21:11Hank, you hold him.
21:13I'll go get a stick.
21:14I wasn't going to smoke it, I swear.
21:29I know.
21:30You did it.
21:32Good boy.
21:34Here's your treat.
21:37Bobby, Aunt Peg, come in here.
21:40Uncle Hank's clean.
21:42Mom, he's going to be okay.
21:45Oh, yeah?
21:45Good job.
21:46Well done.
21:47So proud.
21:48Let's celebrate.
21:50I'll make an icebox cake.
21:52Bobby, why don't you...
21:55Hey, uh...
21:57Where's Aunt Peggy?
21:59The cigarette's gone.
22:02Mom?
22:03I found her.
22:06Close the damn door.
22:08Can't you see that I am knitting?
22:10Mom.
22:11Hand over the cigarette.
22:14No.
22:15Mom, this is not your son.
22:17This is your buddy.
22:19No.
22:19Hand it over.
22:22Who's your buddy?
22:23Who's your buddy?
22:24Well done, Bobby.
22:29Hey, wait a minute.
22:30Hey, give me that.
22:31Hey, give me that.
22:31What are you doing?
22:32I'm your mother and I can't give it to you.
22:33Stop it.
22:33Oh, you don't stop it.
22:35Give me that.
22:37You want the cigarette?
22:39You want it so bad?
22:42Come and get it.
22:44Come on.
22:45Hey, hey, hey.
22:46Hey, hey.
22:47Hey, out of there.
22:48Hey, what are you doing, Luanne?
22:50Unlock this door right now.
22:53I'm crating y'all in like an unruly dog.
22:58I'm sick of dysfunctional families.
23:01I came from one and I'm not going to let it happen to you.
23:05Function.
23:07Function, damn you.
23:11Okay.
23:12Women and children first.
23:15I take the first puff.
23:17Bobby here gets a second.
23:20If there's anything left, you.
23:24Who are you trying to kid?
23:26We all know there won't be anything left.
23:29Let's you and me split it, Peg.
23:31It'll be romantic.
23:33You know, like the old days.
23:36Before he came along.
23:38Mama, it's your son.
23:41Nine months inside, remember?
23:44Those were good times, too.
23:47I don't know.
23:48I don't know if this is happening too fast.
23:50I just don't know.
23:51Well, I do.
23:52Come on, Bobby.
23:53You and me can take her.
23:54You go high, I'll go low.
23:57Hey, back off.
23:59I will drop it.
24:00I will.
24:01I will drop this.
24:02Well, look at us at each other's throats.
24:17And after all we've been through, this family has survived fires and twisters and every strain
24:24of flu the Orient could throw at us, well, we are not going to be done in by a lousy tobacco
24:31leaf.
24:32We're going to make it together.
24:35Now, who's with me?
24:36Hands in the center.
24:36Come on.
24:37Here we are.
25:03Here we are.
25:05Oh, Hank.
25:20I know.
25:22Isn't it the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
25:26What a day to be alive.
25:33Hey, Dad, over here!
25:35Go deep, Bobby!
25:38Hey, Bobby, Bobby, over here!
25:40All right.
25:43Over here, Peggy!
25:46Okay.
25:56Y'all, listen up, man.
25:59It's Boomhauer.
26:00It's your lungs on air.
26:02It's your lungs on smoke.
26:04See the difference, man?
26:05It's going to stunt your growth all over.
26:07You end up winding that dang old hospital bed like Morton Downey Jr.
26:11It's Robert Downey Jr.
26:12Even worse, man, yo.
26:15They can talk about oral gratification and all that dang.
26:18It's going to give you low sperm count, man.
26:20It's going to give you ear hair, yo.
26:23It just ain't no good.
26:25No good.
26:26It's not good.
26:33No good.
26:42No good.