Therapy Thursday: Side Chicks Falling In Love When They've Got A Family At Home! Ooohhh No!
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00:00Which therapist you need?
00:01Therapy Thursday.
00:02Now on Wild 94.1.
00:03I understand therapy.
00:05Hi, everybody.
00:06Hi, Dr. Nick.
00:07All right, we got Therapy Thursday.
00:09Any question that has popped in your head that you might need to talk out with somebody,
00:13you got things going on in your life, or you just need some advice,
00:18Dr. Davi, Barrett MD, Orlando BGYN, whatever your proclivity, we got it for you.
00:25All right.
00:26We'll try to help.
00:26888-429-0941.
00:28We could try.
00:28Yeah.
00:28We could do this.
00:29It's a community service thing.
00:30That's what we're doing.
00:31Plus, on top of that, we pretty much have fractured a law or two.
00:35We try not to.
00:36So what do we got?
00:37We got Davi.
00:37I already got people on the phone.
00:39What you doing over there?
00:39Yeah, they've been calling.
00:40Really?
00:40They've been calling for the last, like, 10, 15 minutes.
00:42Okay.
00:43Nice.
00:43So let's see here.
00:44We got folks on the line.
00:46We got a question.
00:47All no names.
00:48A no name here.
00:49We love no names because that means you get the good receipts.
00:52All right.
00:53Let's see.
00:53You got a question for Davi.
00:55What is your question?
00:57All right.
00:58So I am married and have been with my husband for eight years.
01:03We have three beautiful children, a beautiful home, three beautiful cars, and I know that
01:10marriage has its ups and downs, and we did have some downs previously.
01:14And then one of those times, I met up with an old friend from high school, and that old
01:19friend confessed his feelings for me and all of this, and through the years, we've gotten
01:23close.
01:24Now he wants me to leave my husband.
01:28Oh.
01:28For him.
01:29Oh, my Lord.
01:30And you're considering it?
01:32Wait, no.
01:33Wait, no.
01:33We're not considering it.
01:34I'm sorry.
01:35My bad.
01:35I did.
01:36I did consider it.
01:37Oh, God.
01:38And are you still currently considering it?
01:40I am at a crossroads.
01:44Okay.
01:46I feel love for this guy.
01:48Like, I'm in love with this guy.
01:50And I love my husband, but I'm not sure that I still feel in love.
01:55Oh, wow.
01:56Have you taken it further?
01:59Has it turned physical with this guy?
02:02Oh, yeah.
02:02Oh.
02:03How long ago?
02:04Oh, damn.
02:06Two years ago.
02:09And like a recurrent thing?
02:11Like, you guys meet up from time to time?
02:13Yeah.
02:13Yeah.
02:14Oh, man.
02:15There you go, Davi.
02:16Okay.
02:17Well, I would still say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
02:24Even though you are having fun with this person, it is still a temporary thing.
02:30It's fun because you're doing bad.
02:33It's fun because you get to go home and you don't have any serious commitment.
02:38I think my advice to you would be stop now.
02:43Stop while you are still innocent in your husband's eyes.
02:48Think about everything that you'd be throwing away.
02:50A family, kids, a husband, house, three cars, growth, and the possibility of living happily ever after.
03:01I don't think that is worth jeopardizing just for a temporary fling.
03:06She's in love with him.
03:07Yeah.
03:07You can tell.
03:08But it's different once you start really like on a daily basis.
03:12It's easy when you just get the highlights from that person.
03:14You just get to, you know, talk to him and vent, but you're only getting bits and pieces of him.
03:20So I think that you should keep your home life together.
03:24Try to remember what caused you to fall in love with your husband in the first place and stop doing what you're doing.
03:32Yeah, Davi, yeah, that's not going to happen.
03:34But what Davi said is absolutely 100% true.
03:38You described the beginning and said you have three beautiful children, beautiful cars.
03:44You use beautiful like for some stuff that ain't even supposed to be beautiful.
03:47So you got a really good life, but your good life includes a bunch of work.
03:52And then you go and do this like taboo thing and you don't have any of the responsibility or the work or any of that stuff attached to it.
04:00So, of course, you can romanticize it.
04:02It seems a lot bigger.
04:03It puffs it up bigger.
04:04But you add all of the trivial stuff you got to do in your life over to this sexy little taboo thing and it's going to become your new.
04:13The grass won't be greener.
04:15You know what I'm saying?
04:15Put bills on that.
04:16Put kids and sick kids and stuff on that.
04:18Yeah, you guys don't have to deal with real life issues.
04:21Yeah.
04:22It's just the highlights.
04:23It's the fun.
04:23Y'all are the NFL red zone.
04:25You're only looking at scores.
04:26Like, you know, like you got to look at the regular.
04:28It's only a highlight reel.
04:30You know what I'm saying?
04:31Yeah.
04:32Can you write us back in a couple weeks and keep us updated?
04:36Like, for real?
04:37Preferably after you sleep with the other dude again.
04:41That's when you have real clarity.
04:42When you, like, get to hit that again.
04:44But for real, can you do that for us?
04:46Can you write us back?
04:46We want an update.
04:47We want an update, okay?
04:49Okay, we can do that.
04:50All right, cool.
04:51I like the advice here, but we know that this isn't what's going to happen, right?
04:55I know she called you for advice, but, I mean, she's going to stray.
05:00She might listen to us because we brilliant.
05:03She's in love with somebody else.
05:04She might listen.
05:05She's not in love.
05:06She's in love with the feeling that she's getting.
05:08It's been two years.
05:09She's getting that cheating, taboo feeling.
05:12Right.
05:12Which puts a battery in your back.
05:14Makes you feel sexy now.
05:15I'm not mom.
05:16I'm not the wife.
05:18Right.
05:18I'm this woman you're sneaking away with in hotels.
05:21Separate life.
05:22Airbnb.
05:23Which, who she used to be, maybe.
05:24Yeah.
05:24Yeah.
05:24I get that.
05:25How do you get away from three kids to go have some sex?
05:30She needs a blog.
05:32You got to put us up on games.
05:34How do you get away with that?
05:36I know a lot of mamas want to know.
05:38All right, let's see.
05:38We got another no-name on the phone.
05:41You got a question for me.
05:42What's the question?
05:45Yes.
05:45Oh, first, I'm a first-time caller.
05:47Hey, first-time caller, first-time caller.
05:50Welcome to The Freak Show.
05:51You are, I'm not going to ask your name, you're a no-name.
05:53Okay, so what's your question?
05:54Yeah.
05:56So, my question is, the situation me and my husband are dealing with right now is that
06:01my brother-in-law has not spoken to us in over six months because I asked him to not
06:08bring my dog inside my house at my baby shower because my toddler is scared of them.
06:13Um, so then now four months, four months ago, I had a baby and he has not reached out.
06:21He has, um, not even congratulated us, not even a FaceTime call, nothing.
06:26Wow.
06:26And now it's affecting our family a lot more than, than expected, um, because we, we can't
06:35even be in the same room because that's how, that's how furious we are with him.
06:40And this is your brother-in-law?
06:42Yeah.
06:43So, my husband, that's his brother, and he is, he is so, so hurt.
06:48And, um, so us being in the same room is like out of the question right now.
06:54Um, so my, my in-laws have been like talking to us because we're the more reasonable side
07:01and, you know, they're trying to have us reach out so we can kind of like squash this
07:06mess.
07:07But my husband does not want to budge and I don't blame him.
07:11I'm hurt too.
07:12Um, I'm just, I guess I'm asking for guidance on what you guys think that we should do.
07:17Oh, before you answer that, can I ask her one question?
07:20What's the name of the dog?
07:20No, no, no, no, no.
07:21And this is, it's kind of a serious question and it's kind of irrelevant at the same time.
07:26Who would win in a fight, your husband or his brother?
07:29My husband.
07:30Okay.
07:30Okay, there you go.
07:31All right, go ahead, O.
07:32All right.
07:33Just need to get that out of the way.
07:34If it did happen.
07:36Yeah, if it went there.
07:37Okay, all right.
07:37What we're going to do is just, we're going to lean on bigger person.
07:40Okay, you guys, and bigger, I'm glad Davi asked that because like he's the bigger, more
07:45stronger, dominant brother your husband is.
07:48And your family's coming to you because you guys are having, you have more clarity.
07:53You're a little bit more well-rounded than the people who bring the German shepherd everywhere.
07:58So what you need to do is take that bigger role and step up and sit down with both brothers.
08:05And if he's married, sit down with his wife too.
08:07All y'all sit down together without kids, without the dog, without all that stuff, and
08:12say, listen, you two are brothers and we are family.
08:16Nothing should break that bond, especially these kids that have now joined us, these little
08:22terrorists or these dogs or none of this.
08:24All of this stuff doesn't matter and shouldn't be fracturing the family.
08:28Now, you know, I didn't want a dog in the house because, hey, these are my babies and
08:34I'm trying to do the best by them.
08:36You're trying to do the best by your dog as well because the dog is obviously a real big
08:40part of your family.
08:41So we both have to understand where each other's positions are and then try and get past this.
08:47Just do that where you eliminate everybody, other distractions and everybody, and you just
08:52sit down and have a conversation.
08:53Because if your husband is hurt, that's going to show.
08:57And if the younger brother is, you know, hurt as well, it's going to show because they
09:03got that brotherly bond.
09:04So you just need to get them together and take the stresses away so you could just tear
09:08it down and just say, listen, you guys mean something to each other.
09:11And they'll be reminded of that.
09:13That's the big, you have to do it because you're the person that everybody's asking because
09:17you're the bigger people.
09:18So, you know, you're expected to kind of do a little bit more.
09:22Consider it at least.
09:23To whom much is given, much is required.
09:25So sometimes somebody got to read the directions and that's usually the boss.
09:28Yeah.
09:28And that's you too.
09:29So y'all got to, you know, do a little bit more planning on this.
09:33Yeah.
09:33And that's what we usually do.
09:35And that's why it's like kind of harder to decide if we should actually make that step
09:40and approach him.
09:41There's no if though.
09:42You can't.
09:43You saying that you usually do it.
09:44That's your family role.
09:46How are you going to change the script up?
09:48And everybody in the family is like, well, you know, they're going to fix it because they
09:51do and y'all are like, we ain't fixing it this time.
09:53Well, y'all messed up the whole flow.
09:55That's the family.
09:56But then it's like, we just had a baby and you didn't even reach out.
10:00Right.
10:00That hurts.
10:01And that does hurt.
10:02But it also hurt him that you ain't let Bo come in or whatever the dog's name is.
10:05I mean, come on.
10:06You know, I mean, not everybody take their dog everywhere.
10:09And honestly, I think most people who take their dog everywhere is insensitive asses.
10:13But there are some people who just treat it like, listen, I don't have much.
10:17I got my dog.
10:18And you made the dog sit outside the truck or whatever.
10:21So I mean, yeah, they're a little upset about that.
10:23You're telling her to suck it up, basically.
10:25I'm telling you to do the right thing.
10:26They are in their feelings, respect their dog situation, and then they'll wake up and realize
10:34that there's a human in here that they should be getting some love.
10:38People without kids don't understand what it's like to have a kid.
10:41Remember that.
10:42Do they got kids?
10:44No.
10:45There you go.
10:45There you go.
10:46You don't know until you have one.
10:47So you want them to respect your baby, but you didn't respect theirs.
10:50Now, theirs licks itself and walks on all fours, but still.
10:54So you have to be the bigger person.
10:56And you just got to do that, you know?
10:58Bring a treat to the dog.
11:01A little treat.
11:02Just say, here you go.
11:03A to-go bag?
11:04Yeah, a little something.
11:05All right.
11:05A little doggy bag, okay?
11:07All righty.
11:08All right.
11:08No problem.
11:09Ah, that sucks to always have to be the bigger person.
11:11It eats at your soul sometimes.
11:13Oh, it does.
11:14It sucks.
11:14It's terrible.
11:15I mean, hell, I want to.
11:17We got another call.
11:18Okay.
11:18Yeah, let's see here.
11:19Let's see.
11:19You got a question for us?
11:21Hey.
11:22Hey.
11:23How you doing?
11:24Good.
11:25How are you?
11:25Pretty good.
11:26You're a no-name here, and it just says Orlando next to it.
11:29What's your question?
11:31So I've been working with my current employer for the past two years.
11:35It's a small private practice, and the past couple months off and on, I've been working
11:42by myself, holding down the office.
11:45Now, I would feel guilty looking for better job opportunities.
11:52What advice would you give me?
11:55You would feel guilty looking for another job.
11:57Why?
11:57Why would you feel guilty?
12:00Because I love what I do here.
12:03Okay.
12:03My employer is, they treat me well.
12:06Okay.
12:06But I don't want to leave them hanging either.
12:08Okay.
12:09Well, no, that makes a lot of sense.
12:10That's loyalty.
12:11And that should be rewarded.
12:12So wait.
12:12So you've been left, and this is COVID-related, right?
12:15So nobody's there, you holding down the office and doing everything?
12:20Not really.
12:21My other, well, the other employee's been sick off and on.
12:24So she's been taking time to recover.
12:28So is it strictly like a money thing?
12:30You just want a higher salary?
12:32Is that it?
12:34Not necessarily.
12:35I just want, I have no benefits here.
12:38So that's one of the, another thing I was looking at is, I'm getting older.
12:42I'm in my early 30s.
12:43I need to start doing better for myself.
12:46Yeah.
12:47Of course you do.
12:48You deserve that.
12:49I mean, now that's the conversation.
12:51Here's the deal.
12:52I will tell you this.
12:53I've learned from a few of my mentors that you always want to try and help your employees
12:58do better.
12:59And if it's with you, it's awesome.
13:01If you can help them do better somewhere else, then you know you don't have them up
13:04under your thumb.
13:05So what you probably need to do is share your intentions with these people that you say
13:10are taking greatly good care of you and you love what you do.
13:13So those things are kind of like in the pro category.
13:15I love it.
13:16They take good care of me.
13:17So obviously the next step is to share your aspirations with your boss and say, listen,
13:22you know, I understand that we have a limited workforce here and you know, I, I'm, I'm taking
13:27on a lot.
13:29Um, and it's, I want to show some sort of growth and I, I'm, I'm actually not even looking for
13:33more money, which will make him breathe a little bit easier because he's going to think you're
13:38going to ask him for more money, but it does cost to insure you and, and, and let them know
13:42like I, but I am looking to get benefits because I don't want to end up in a situation where
13:48I'm hitting health issues as I'm getting older and doesn't have, don't have any protection.
13:52So I would love to stay here because I love being committed to what we're doing together
13:56and I'm allowed to do for you, but I just need some sort of package to give me some sort
14:01of, of health protection.
14:03What can we do to get me closer to that?
14:05And then you guys join it together.
14:07But if this was a, a, a, a whole boss who was treating you badly, it would be a much different
14:11thing, go behind their back, but you're trying to be loyal and, and, and, and everything
14:15else.
14:15So have that conversation, give the person you're working with the opportunity to show
14:20you that they appreciate you.
14:23Okay.
14:23And if he doesn't, then that answers your question and that's a different decision, but always
14:28give the person a chance to, to, to help you because if they're that good, then bank
14:33on them being good.
14:34Don't feel guilty for trying to put yourself in a better position as well.
14:37Go in there and know what you want.
14:39There you go.
14:41Okay.
14:42All right.
14:43Yeah.
14:43And don't get fired.
14:44No, she's not going to get fired.
14:46It is a good, it is a good discussion to have though.
14:48You really could.
14:49What, asking for benefits?
14:50I mean, I'm just saying.
14:51Well, then shouldn't she look for another job before she has a conversation?
14:53Well, it sounds like they really need her because they've whittled down their employees
14:57and they've put a lot of it on her.
14:58So I think she does have a lot of leverage.
15:00She has, she definitely has leverage, but they could be like, you know, cause once you start
15:05pushing, people start thinking like, okay, we got to come up with a plan B because she might
15:09leave and blah, blah, blah.
15:10So asking is a danger, but it's, it's worthy if you're doing all the work.
15:15Um, I have one for Meredith.
15:17If we, if we have time, it says Meredith, I am so in love with my baby daddy.
15:22He's married and lives in Chicago, but we travel and have hotel nights together.
15:26And when we exchange the kid, we stay in town to sneak and see each other.
15:31But again, he's married.
15:33I am so in love with him, but I know it's wrong, but it feels so right.
15:37What do you think, Mare?
15:39Uh, I think he's choosing his family over you.
15:41And most of the time when you ask, wait, and not that that's a bad thing.
15:45I'm saying most of the time when you ask him to leave his wife, when it come like push
15:50comes to shove, he's going to pick his family over you.
15:54And obviously that's what he's doing anyway, because you know what, if a man wants to be
15:57with you, this is my opinion, he's going to be with you and he's not, he's going back
16:01home to his family.
16:02He's going back home to his kid and that's where he's comfortable at.
16:05He just likes having his fun with you.
16:08You are the excitement in his life.
16:11You know, his little sneak away, like that's what he gets to do.
16:13So honestly, I would try to find somebody that's going to put you in a better area, in a better
16:19space as well, because it's not going to end well.
16:21The wife's going to eventually could find out.
16:24Um, you could feel guilty.
16:25You've been wasting potentially a lot of time on this relationship that could never work.
16:31I'm telling you, you should, you know what?
16:33There's a, there are good men in the Tampa Bay area that will put you up on a pedestal where
16:37you can have a good life.
16:39This sounds a lot like the reverse of the first woman, the married lady.
16:43Yeah.
16:44Yeah.
16:45It does.
16:46And it's a painfully different prognosis here that you're giving her.
16:49You're trying to tear up her love.
16:51Isn't that like, I love him.
16:52But she could always be the side chick.
16:54Is that what you really want?
16:55Look at yourself in the mirror.
16:56Do you always want to be second best?
16:57Look at what, when Davi pointed to the earlier caller and she was like, I love him.
17:02And when she said that, you, you, you bounced that back to her twice.
17:05You were like, but she loves him.
17:06I was, but I would, because it's going to be a hard breakup.
17:10And that's what I was, I was pointing out.
17:13Like if you're really in love with somebody, she's not just going to cut it off like the
17:16next day.
17:16Okay.
17:17I'm done.
17:17I'm curious to know why like the baby daddy situation, why it didn't work out, why they
17:23didn't enter and able to keep a relationship.
17:26I want, it's a possibility that they became on the side.
17:30Well, no, I was going to say it's a possibility that if they were together at some point, he was
17:34doing the same thing to her that he's doing to his wife.
17:38So, uh, so there's a trend here.
17:39Maybe that's exactly what's happening.
17:41And again, do you always want to be second best?
17:44Like, don't you deserve better?
17:46Not only how you're being treated, but how you're treating that other person and that
17:49other woman and that other family.
17:51Everybody deserves to be treated better.
17:52But I will tell you that there is a growing number of folks out there who don't mind with
17:56being half happy.
17:58What that's, if that's what she likes and she's okay with the situation, but most people want
18:02to level up in their life, do you just want to keep doing the same thing for the rest
18:06of your life?
18:06It's like half of a good man is better than none of no man.
18:10And I'm going to meet you halfway and make you half happy.
18:12Well, don't.
18:14Sounds convenient.
18:17That works.
18:18Therapy Thursday is a wrap, people.