Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share creepy moments inside of locker rooms and one unfortunate female story leads to an inspirational Lisa Way quote.
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00:00What's the creepiest thing that's happened to you in a locker room?
00:13This one in a locker room could clearly hear a guy jerking off in the shower next to me.
00:17He was moaning and everything.
00:18Jesus Christ.
00:19Thank God they had walls.
00:20See, you need to report these people, though.
00:23Honestly, you do.
00:24That's embarrassing.
00:24You need to run out.
00:26You may not want to get involved, but you have to say, listen, that guy read the book.
00:30That guy right there was jerking off in the shower.
00:31He can't go to this gym anymore.
00:32But what if I was just stretching?
00:35That's all I would say I was doing.
00:36Yeah.
00:37I'd be like, no, I had a great workout.
00:42Yeah, how do you prove it?
00:44Okay, God.
00:45Goddamn.
00:46Didn't you hear a post-workout orgasm only increases your gain?
00:49Chuck.
00:50Stop stretching, Chuck.
00:54Stop stretching.
00:55Oh, God, my back is killing me.
01:00You make a lot of weird stretching noises.
01:02Yeah.
01:03Actually felt good.
01:04You needed to stretch.
01:05I needed to stretch.
01:07I should stretch like that every day.
01:09This one, we have a guy at our gym we call Spielberg, because we caught him videotaping
01:12us working out.
01:13And one time we found him naked lying next to a towel for about two hours.
01:18What the F?
01:20Spielberg.
01:22There's Spielberg.
01:23I don't think I'd go to that gym anymore.
01:24No.
01:25Spielberg's there?
01:25I think I'd cancel my membership somewhere else.
01:28Guy scooted behind me when I was changing.
01:31I got a dick brush on my butt.
01:32Oh.
01:34Oh, my God.
01:34That guy's dead, right?
01:36You get a dick brush.
01:38If someone brushes their dick against your butt, what do you do that you're...
01:44Like, it's on.
01:45Hey!
01:47You just brushed your wiener upon my butt.
01:50What do you say?
01:51What do you do?
01:52You know how, like, we've talked about, like, if a guy, you know, if any part of a girl's
01:58boob touches a guy, a guy knows it's a boob.
02:01Absolutely.
02:02You think you'd know if it was a dick?
02:04I feel like you would.
02:08He's gonna...
02:09He's gonna have to...
02:09It's either that or there's an elephant in the room who just touched your butt.
02:12It's one or the other.
02:12Yeah.
02:13Oh, no.
02:15This one in the locker room.
02:16Bend over.
02:16This girl was wearing the skimpiest granny panties.
02:21I don't know what that...
02:21She bent over at her knees and her skid mark showed.
02:25That's all I thought about rest of the year.
02:28Skid marks.
02:29Female skid marks.
02:30Skid marks stick with you, I guess, when you see those.
02:33It's hard to unsee.
02:35They're like, that is a skid mark.
02:36Female skid marks.
02:37Jesus.
02:39Stop it.
02:40I know, Chuck.
02:41I know.
02:42It's hard to even imagine female skid marks.
02:47You're gonna keep frozen?
02:48Well, usually if it is on a female, they're not the best female that they could be.
02:56You're not the best female you could be, man!
02:58I just hear, like, piano music and just someone trying to really pump someone up to be the best female that they could be.
03:07Listen.
03:08Seriously.
03:09Oh, boy, it's been a rough day for you.
03:15You're just not the girl you could be right now because of the poop in your butt.
03:22Just, when you're wiping, do just the extra great job there so that you can be the woman, all the woman that you can be.
03:32And then no, no one will ever have to see all your skid marks.
03:37All those skid marks will just go away.
03:40D.B.G.
03:45Don't.
03:45You can be all the woman you can be.
03:48Be all the woman you can be.
03:51Yeah.
03:54That's the funniest way I've ever heard anybody put anything.
03:57Yeah.
03:57Like, not you.
03:58She's a dirty bitch.
03:59Yeah.
03:59She just wasn't all the woman she could be that day.
04:01She just isn't being as good a female as she could be.
04:05And that's sad when you think.
04:08It is sad.
04:10It's truly sad.
04:11Somebody could just take her under her wing.
04:13Honestly, it could be so much more if you just tighten it up.
04:16Just tighten.
04:17Get it tightened up and just cleaned.
04:21With an extra wipe here and there.
04:24Tighten up and wipe your butt.
04:25Sanitary wipes.
04:29You know, they just work wonders on stuff.
04:32Oh my god.
04:33Be the woman you were meant to be.
04:36This weighs inspirational female tapes.
04:39Yeah.
04:42I'm clean.
04:44I smell good.
04:46I've got great clothes.
04:49I'm the woman I need to be.
04:53Yeah.
04:54Skid Marks brings you down.
04:56It does.
04:58Shaves a couple of points off.
05:00A million points.
05:00At least it does.
05:01I'm sorry.
05:01A million points.
05:02You could be gorgeous.
05:04And Skid Mark, we're not ready for something like that.
05:09No.
05:09I'm not.
05:10I'm thinking, oh, you must have sat in some chocolate chips.
05:15You better sat in some chocolate chips.
05:16You know what I mean?
05:17Like, my brain is.
05:19You're not going.
05:20It's not.
05:21I'm not.
05:21My brain's not going poop.
05:22I'm like, I'm looking around every seat trying to find these chocolate chips.
05:26Which could happen.
05:26You could sit in chocolate chips.
05:28Well, yeah.
05:28That's what I mean.
05:29It could.
05:30Oh, heaven forbid you do.
05:32Yeah.
05:33And then someone thinks you've got Skid Marks.
05:35Yeah.
05:35And you really just, you are all the woman you could be, but you just sat in them.
05:38Just a messy eater.
05:40Yeah.
05:40Look, I've sat in chocolate chips.
05:42Yeah.
05:43I think that's what Lisa was admitting to.
05:45Lisa's like, that can happen, guys.
05:48Chocolate gets places.
05:50It happened to her once.
05:51Not in her butt crack, but in her bed, right?
05:53She fell asleep.
05:53Yeah.
05:53Uh-huh.
05:54Yep.
05:55Yeah.
05:55I've seen her get chocolate on herself, and she's got all her little wands and whatever
06:00she takes care of it.
06:01I haven't been.
06:02I was like, this is a poop.
06:04That'll be all the woman I can be today.
06:08Be all the woman you can be.
06:09Um.