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FunTranscript
00:00Oh good, you're here. Are you still fighting? If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?
00:05We're not getting divorced.
00:07Listen, we realized that we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
00:13Yeah, and there are a few things we need to stay on top of. So we thought it would be useful.
00:18I can't believe I am about to say this.
00:21Would you please help us make a relationship agreement?
00:25But one that's tailored to us, okay? We don't need a bathroom schedule.
00:31Although a rule about him texting me from in there might help with the romance.
00:38What do you say?
00:40I get to write a contract? I say let's get this party of the first part started.
00:51You really think that's funny?
00:52It's in our agreement. I have to laugh.
00:54That's a nice one. Was it yours when you were little?
00:57My dad built it for me.
00:58Wow, it's so cute.
01:00This was the husband. This was the wife. They'd go out on adventures together.
01:05Cruises, skiing, horseback riding. That was really me just duct-taping them to our dog.
01:11And did they have kids?
01:12They did. But the mommy and daddy didn't like them, so they shipped them off to an orphanage I made out of a shoebox.
01:19That's not worrisome at all.
01:22Not every girl dreams about being a mom.
01:26Sometimes you think you're never gonna have kids, and one day you wake up and you're pregnant.
01:30And it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now,
01:32and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere taped to a dog.
01:39I skipped spin class for this.
01:41It's gonna be a while.
01:43Well, first deliveries can be slow.
01:45I'm trying to rethink the flash onesie I bought this kid.
01:49I found it, but it's empty.
01:50Well, it doesn't matter. We're not going to the hospital now.
01:52Are you sure? I'd really like to.
01:57Well, should we, uh, head back up?
02:01Come on, guys. We're all awake. Why don't we go to a diner or something?
02:04Oh, uh, I don't know. Sheldon, you don't want to do that, do you?
02:09It doesn't matter what I want. It's your birthday. You decide.
02:12Oh, my God. It's your birthday. Let's do something fun.
02:15Uh...
02:15What, we go to a bar?
02:17Well...
02:20Okay, I can breathe again. Babes, they want to have sex.
02:24Oh, of course. The annual birthday booty spectacular.
02:29That's a bit childish, isn't it?
02:31I'm sorry. And what flavor is your bubblegum cigar?
02:36Great. I find it the most mild.
02:39All right. Well, you two go have fun.
02:41If we find my backup inhaler, maybe we can get frisky.
02:48Oh, you sexy, wheezy little man.
02:53Would you look at that?
02:54The image we gave it was 45% white noise, and it still managed to reconstruct it.
02:59I've never seen results like this before.
03:01Oh, we need to stop for magnets on the way home. This is going right on the fridge.
03:06Aren't you glad you participated in this?
03:07Oh, I am. And you realize what the next step is.
03:12Set up a second culture and try to replicate our results.
03:15Uh, no. We lock that door, lower our underpants a little, and make a baby.
03:25Make a baby? What are you talking about?
03:28Clearly the combination of our DNA is exceptional.
03:32Our child could be the next step in the evolution of mankind.
03:35We'll be able to get into any preschool we want.
03:39Sheldon, I'm not ready to have a baby.
03:41Oh, yes you are. I track your cycle.
03:45For the next 36 hours, you're as fertile as a manure-covered wheat field.
03:52Wow, I can actually feel the egg crawling its way back up.
04:03Hello?
04:05I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.
04:08Howard Wolowitz?
04:11I have the right address, don't I?
04:14Address?
04:17Is he here?
04:19Uh, no.
04:22Do you know where I can find him?
04:24May I ask what this is about?
04:26No, you may not.
04:28Very well.
04:34Have him call me.
04:36Okay.
04:37Raj, who's at the door?
04:42That's not him.
04:44I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Bernadette's baby.
04:50I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have a jacuzzi jet hitting just the right spot.
04:58Those jets are for my secret spot, not his.
05:02What are you doing here?
05:04It's called relaxing, and that's all you need to know.
05:08Uh, it's getting late. Maybe we should head home.
05:13Yeah, probably right.
05:17You coming?
05:18Yeah, just give me a minute.
05:20Why?
05:22Well, you know how you're wearing a bathing suit?
05:26Yeah?
05:28I kind of went the other way.
05:30You jackasses, you're trying to steal my hot tub!
05:33You made God sad today, Michael.
05:36You made God sad today, Mom.
05:46Sheldon, they haven't done anything wrong. I think it's nice they're hitting it off.
05:50That's not the reason to rush into anything.
05:52I mean, look at us. We took things remarkably slow.
05:55You and I, we didn't even hold hands for two years.
05:59It's a lot hotter than it sounds.
06:02You're a patient young lady.
06:04Hey, she's mine. Take a cold shower, Grandpa.
06:10There's a lot of traffic. Are we going to be okay?
06:13You'll be at the airport an hour before your flight.
06:15Good, thank you.
06:16Plenty of time for you to meet another geriatric boy toy.
06:22Hey, I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
06:24Yes, ma'am.
06:26Sheldon, your mother's an attractive woman.
06:28You need to get used to the fact that men are going to be interested in her.
06:31And you need to drive the car and mind your business.
06:35I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
06:37But you're not my mother.
06:38Don't you be disrespectful to her.
06:40Yes, ma'am.
06:43You'll get there. You just got to put some zing on it.
06:47I'll make you a deal. 30 years from now,
06:49if you're still single and things don't work out with me and Bernadette,
06:53you and I can give it a go.
06:56I appreciate the offer, but if things don't work out with you too,
06:58I'm swooping in on her like a vulture.
07:01Too late. Stewart called dibs.
07:04But theoretically, if you and I were in a gay relationship,
07:09how would we tell people? Like print up announcements?
07:13I don't know. What difference does it make?
07:15Well, I want to make sure we get invited to all the parades.
07:19Those do look fun.
07:20Yeah, well, if you want to march in a fishnet crop top,
07:23you better lay off that dip.
07:27You didn't want me to eat it. Why'd you put it out?
07:28It was for the girls. They broke up with me.
07:30I don't care if they get fat.
07:32I'm not going to get fat.
07:34You want to bet you never exercise?
07:37Fine. Look, I'll exercise right now.
07:40One.
07:45These are crunches, by the way.
07:47Very mature. Keep eating like that. You're going to have a heart attack.
07:50Okay. How about if I eat like this?
07:57You're such a child.
07:59You're such a child.
08:00Hey, is that any way to talk to your future husband?
08:02Hey, I was being hypothetical, okay? I would never marry you.
08:05Oh, please. When you see the ring I pick out, you're going to melt.
08:08Yeah, right.
08:09Wait, is it rose gold? Actually, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.
08:12What if living together kills the romance?
08:17Okay, you guys had sex one whole time. Nothing can put out a fire like that.
08:23But what happens when we each get a peek behind the curtain?
08:26I mean, she's never even seen me unshaven.
08:29You just shaved yesterday. You're good for three months.
08:33Sheldon, I understand your apprehension, but let me appeal to the scientist in you.
08:37Given the five-week end date, isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment
08:42and collect data on our compatibility?
08:44Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
08:48Okay, Star Trek, the original series. The Enterprise was on a five-year mission to
08:52explore new worlds. Think of this as your personal five-week mission to do the same.
08:57Now, if you want to lure me in with sexy talk, that's how you do it.
09:03Don't be proud of that.
09:07Welcome.
09:10What is this?
09:12Oh, well, you said you didn't have time to go out for dinner,
09:14so I thought we could have one right here.
09:16Oh, Rajesh.
09:17Oh, come on. We're in the telescope room. It'll be like dining under the stars.
09:22You see this double zero? When it says zero one, that means it's twinkling.
09:33Sometimes it takes a while.
09:37Rajesh, this is so sweet, but you know I'm working.
09:40That's why I already cleaned up in here and all the other rooms in the hall.
09:48Well, I suppose that gives me a little time.
09:49Please sit.
09:51I tried to cook you a meal from your homeland.
09:54Oh, really? You made Cuban food?
09:59That depends. Do they have Mexican food in Cuba?
10:02We'll get the crib out and you can take it for a test drive.
10:04I'm telling you, this plan is gonna be...
10:10Oh, is it your bath?
10:12Yeah. Oh.
10:14Anyway, let's just get in and see if the GPS can take us to the nearest emergency room.
10:20Uh, what was I thinking?
10:26Wallowitches are not a lifting people.
10:29We tipped the lifting people.
10:33Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room?
10:36They're just gonna give you ice and Advil like last time.
10:39You're gonna feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair.
10:43Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back of this award-winning minivan.
10:47Yeah.
10:48Fine, we'll go to the ER. Just stop selling me on the van.
10:51You're right. It sells itself.
10:55You have to admit, it's a pretty smooth ride.
10:57I was hoping it'd be quieter.
11:00If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!
11:03Hello?
11:04Hey, uh, so we've been talking and if you need a place to stay,
11:10we'd be happy to fix up the garage for you.
11:13That would be amazing!
11:14I was literally just looking at my moving boxes trying to pick one to live in.
11:20I know it's not ideal, but you'd have plenty of space for your furniture.
11:23And there's this cool button that makes an entire wall go up and down.
11:28I cannot thank you enough.
11:30It is our pleasure.
11:32Hey, can you hold on one sec?
11:35Hello?
11:36Hey, buddy, you still looking for a place to live?
11:38Uh, yeah, why do you ask?
11:42You know, we have the extra bedroom and if you need it, it's yours.
11:45Oh my god, that's so generous!
11:48It's the least we can do.
11:49Why, I really appreciate it. Can you hold on one second?
11:54Hey, so how, uh, what's the bathroom situation gonna be?
11:59Well, there's a sink out there that takes care of half your problems.
12:04But I can use the downstairs bathroom, right?
12:07Yeah, we barely use it, so it'll be like it's yours.
12:10Cool, cool. Yeah, hold on one second.
12:14Hey, what's it like sharing a bathroom with Penny?
12:17Is there hair everywhere? Does she use your loofah?
12:22I don't have a loofah.
12:23Okay, well, if I move in, you can't use mine. Hold on a second.
12:28Hey, Howard, how's the Wi-Fi in the garage?
12:32I don't know. Why are you asking all these questions?
12:35Well, to be honest, Dennis is on the other line and he offered me the spare bedroom.
12:40Great! Go live there! But you made the garage sound so fun!
12:45I just didn't want you to feel bad about it,
12:46unless Leonard's apartment also has a raccoon that chews its way in on cold nights.
12:50Go there!
12:53One second. Okay, I think we're close.
12:57How do you feel about a mini-fridge in my room?
13:00Hey, pal, you wanna live here or not?
13:02Hi, Penny. Yes, please.
13:04Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our show with?
13:06Thor and Dr. Jones or Let's Get Astrophysical?
13:11I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet.
13:14Maybe Sherlock around the clock.
13:17Great, yeah. Let's give it a try.
13:22Harry's napping! Keep it down!
13:25Right. Sorry.
13:27It's cool. We don't need volume to rock.
13:30Instead of blowing the roof of this place,
13:32we can gently lift it off and set it quietly down in the backyard.
13:36Okay. One, two, three, ho!
13:42Homestead to Watson on Baker Street.
13:46Come on, doctor, time to move them feet.
13:49Sing it with us!
13:51Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock.
13:55We can't hear you!
13:56Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock.
14:03Night's going!
14:05Sorry, sorry. I'll get her.
14:07One sec.
14:10You bought diapers, right?
14:14Be right back.
14:16Rock and roll!
14:19They're remaking your show.
14:21And they cast Will Wheaton as Professor Proton.
14:24And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
14:28No, the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.
14:34We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
14:38What legacy?
14:39My last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5.30.
14:44We were beat by Davy and Goliath.
14:49I can't believe you don't care.
14:51Believe it.
14:55Well, I care. A lot.
14:57And Will Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
15:00I think that's true of most people.
15:05Sometimes, Amy doesn't do things because she's worried about how I'll react.
15:09First of all, it's not sometimes, it's always.
15:13Second, it's not Amy, it's everybody.
15:16And third, it's not news, it's well established.
15:20Yeah, like just now I wanted to get a croissant, but I didn't want to hear you say ooh-la-la.
15:24So you're saying everyone walks on eggshells to spare my feelings?
15:27No, of course not, because we don't want to hear you complain about how much you hate
15:30the sound of crunching eggshells.
15:34I don't want my relationship with Amy to be like that.
15:37Sheldon, Amy knew what she was getting into.
15:40You think?
15:41Yes, we warned her.
15:44Well, regardless, I can change.
15:46Yeah, of course.
15:47Yeah, of course.
15:48Yeah, of course.
15:48Yeah, of course.
15:49Yeah, of course.
15:49Yeah, of course.
15:50Yeah, of course.
15:50Yeah, of course.
15:51Yeah, of course.
15:52Yeah, of course.
15:52Yeah, of course.
15:52Yeah, of course.
15:53Yeah, of course.
15:54Yeah, of course you can.
15:56You know, everybody thinks I'm so predictable.
15:58Well, tomorrow I'm going to show up at work and do something no one will expect.
16:02Wear a baseball cap backwards to prove your point?
16:10Yes, but which hat?
16:13Gryffindor.
16:16Well, now that you're guessing, I'm not going to do it.
16:19Yeah, you will.
16:21Yeah.
16:22I just talked to Sheldon.
16:23He apologized about the tests and asked me to be his best man.
16:27Great. After all you've done for him, he should have asked you.
16:30And Amy's your best friend.
16:31I'm sure she'll come to her senses and pick you.
16:33Okay, she's not my best friend.
16:35We're not 12.
16:35She wants Bernadette to be her maid of honor.
16:37I really don't care.
16:38Sounds like you care.
16:39No, I mean, it's just annoying.
16:41You know, we talk every day.
16:42We see each other all the time.
16:44She's always there for me.
16:45And basically, oh my God, Amy's my best friend.
16:50You okay?
16:52No, my best friend didn't ask me to be her maid of honor.
16:55I'm pissed.
16:59So bottom line, what you did was wrong and cruel,
17:03which the mother of my children finds oddly appealing.
17:08So she still wants to be my maid of honor?
17:11Maid of honor, hit woman, whatever you need.
17:12Make the call.
17:16Look, I know this is your wedding and you can do whatever you want,
17:18but if you think anyone but me is going to be your maid of honor,
17:21then you're an idiot because you are my best friend.
17:24Too late, Bernadette.
17:25Bestie!
17:29I think if we want to predict the height of the wave,
17:31we need to use elasticity theory
17:33and model the lattice as one continuous flexible piece.
17:37This is fun.
17:38Playing with popsicle sticks,
17:40exploring ways to store kinetic energy.
17:42It's like preschool all over again.
17:45Except now if I eat paste, it's because I want to,
17:48not because Craig Schultz is making me.
17:51Hey, can I ask you a question?
17:53Is it where was the teacher?
17:54She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where.
17:58It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on.
18:02I was going to ask if being married felt any different.
18:05Oh, uh, not really.
18:09Sorry, that probably wasn't the answer you were looking for.
18:11No, actually it is.
18:13I mean, Sheldon and I are in a really great place right now,
18:16and I just, I don't want anything to mess that up.
18:19Mm-hmm. You do remember you're here
18:21because he kicked you out of your apartment.
18:24Yes, his work is important to him.
18:28It's one of the things I find the sexiest about him.
18:31Well, that and...
18:39His butt.
18:41Can you get us a little snack?
18:43You sure you don't want your spy to do it?
18:45What are you talking about?
18:46You really don't trust me?
18:48You had to have Amy stop by?
18:49I trust you.
18:50Yeah, you were a terrible waitress,
18:53and we still asked you to get us a snack.
18:58Excuse me while I go take care of your baby,
19:00then I'll bring you your snack,
19:02and you can insult me some more.
19:05I don't know about you,
19:06but I am not eating whatever she brings us.
19:11Hey, Hallie.
19:12Oh, it's okay.
19:13Auntie Peggy's here.
19:14Shh, let's get you changed.
19:17Your mommy and daddy say they trust me,
19:18but they're full of the same stuff your diaper is.
19:23Now I feel bad.
19:25Well, she never really liked me.
19:26It's kind of nice she hates you now, too.
19:30But I'm here for you,
19:31and I would never let anything happen to you
19:33because your Auntie Penny loves you so much.
19:36Mama.
19:38Is that her first word?
19:39Mama.
19:43No, no, baby.
19:44I'm not your mama.
19:45Your mama's a nice lady.
19:46We're gonna go see right now
19:48so I can rub this in her face.
19:52Do you hear that, sucker?
19:53She called me mama.
19:55What's going on?
19:57What if there was something I wanted to do,
19:59but I forgot to do it?
20:01What if I forgot to do it?
20:02What if I forgot to do it?
20:04What if I forgot to do it?
20:05What if I forgot to do it?
20:06But I was worried other people would think less of me.
20:10Is that other person me,
20:11and does it happen in the bedroom?
20:13In which case, I think I'm cool with it.
20:19No.
20:22It's about working with Burt on...
20:24You know what?
20:24I'm not even gonna say it.
20:25I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and ology.
20:29G...
20:30Oh, no, that's not gonna work.
20:34Geology?
20:35Yes, but we parted ways
20:38because I was worried about my reputation.
20:41Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought,
20:44even when you really, really should.
20:47You doing okay?
20:49No, I'm very nervous.
21:02Where are you going?
21:04Gift shop.
21:04There is no gift shop.
21:06Sit down.
21:08This was your idea.
21:10So was having sex,
21:11and look where that got us.
21:14This isn't a big deal.
21:16Stop whining.
21:17When you were in labor and I said that,
21:18you kicked me.
21:21Howard Wolowitz?
21:26Want me to go with you?
21:27No, I'll be fine.
21:28Yeah, we got this.
21:29Sit down.
21:35Wish me luck.
21:38Other way, buster.
21:46Okay, this is a bit awkward.
21:48It says here that I need to check the area
21:50for redness and swelling.
21:54You know what?
21:55It hurts so much.
21:56Go ahead.
21:57They're going to start making
21:58Professor Proton's science show again.
22:00I thought he passed away.
22:02He did.
22:02He was cremated and his remains
22:04were put in the baking soda volcano.
22:08Don't make jokes.
22:09He meant a lot to Sheldon.
22:11Me too. I grew up watching his show.
22:12He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
22:15Oh, thought you did it just to get girls.
22:18Joke's on you. It worked.
22:22Have they found anyone to replace him?
22:23No, not yet.
22:24And it won't be easy.
22:25Arthur Jeffries was an accomplished scientist.
22:28You know who'd make a great Professor Proton?
22:31Meryl Streep.
22:34She's not a scientist.
22:36Uh, then explain to me why she has
22:38chemistry with literally everyone.
22:42It would be nice if they cast a woman.
22:44Oh, God, you've already got
22:45Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters.
22:46Leave us something.
22:51Well, this party's a disaster.
22:53Don't blame the party.
22:54You know how many favors I had to call in
22:56with my bounce house guy to get Wonder Woman?
23:00Is that Wonder Woman?
23:04Technically, it's a Chinese knockoff
23:05called Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.
23:08Then I take it back.
23:10It's a great party.
23:12You know, you can sit here and sulk if you want.
23:13I'm gonna go celebrate Hallie's first birthday,
23:16which I planned with no help from you.
23:18What are you doing?
23:20It's a bounce house.
23:21I'm gonna go bounce in it.
23:24You're supposed to take your shoes off
23:26before you go in there.
23:30You know what?
23:31I'm stressed about my daughter's birthday party.
23:34I don't need your attitude.
23:36Well, I worked really hard on this,
23:37and you haven't even said thank you.
23:39I'm sorry.
23:41Thank you for blaming me for everything
23:42that's wrong in your life.
23:44Thank you for walking out on our friendship.
23:47You are welcome.
23:48And thank you for mocking me for all of these years.
23:51Thank you for making it so easy.
23:55Why are you being such a jerk?
23:57Because you're my best friend
24:00and you hurt my feelings.
24:01Well, you're my best friend.
24:02You hurt my feelings.
24:06I can't believe you shoved me.
24:11I can't believe you shoved me.
24:12But it was kind of fun, wasn't it?
24:14It was.
24:15Do it again.
24:15Gladly.
24:18Okay, now at the same time.
24:23That was awesome.
24:24Okay, this time knees, then feet.
24:27One, two, three.
24:29Sorry if it's weird.
24:30Sheldon made me best man instead of you.
24:32It's okay.
24:33I was best man for two whole days.
24:38No one can take that away from me.
24:42Except for Sheldon when he did.
24:46Although if you want to be a part of the wedding party,
24:49I suppose you could be the flower girl.
24:53Sold.
24:55Well, I thought Hallie was going to be the flower girl.
24:59Oh, that's much better.
25:01Sorry, Stuart, you're out.
25:04Hey, so is Bernadette okay with me being maid of honor?
25:07Actually, I haven't had the courage to tell her.
25:11I guess I should do that.
25:13Uh, yeah.
25:16Although as maid of honor, your job is to make my life easier.
25:22Damn it.
25:23Hey, Stuart, you still want in on this wedding?
25:29Not that much.
25:32Fine, I'll do it.
25:35But do me a favor and unlock the liquor cabinet first.
25:38Scratch paper, check.
25:40Whiteboard, check.
25:42Checks mix, check.
25:45And here we go.
25:49Dang it.
25:53Hello, Mother.
25:54Hi there, Shelly.
25:55You will never believe who I ran into at the barbecue festival.
25:59I am right in the middle of some very important work.
26:01I don't have time for this right now.
26:03Then why did you answer the phone?
26:06Because you raised me to be polite.
26:07Now stop bothering me!
26:23Hello again.
26:42Who did you see at the barbecue festival?
26:45Mr. Watkins.
26:47Really?
26:47You called me and interrupted my work to tell me that you ran into somebody
26:51you could plausibly run into?
26:53Sorry, Mother, I really need to focus here.
26:55I will speak to you next week.
26:57Okay, sweetheart, I'll talk to you then.
27:09I thought Mr. Watkins moved to Florida.
27:12He did.
27:12He was back visiting his son.
27:15Oh gosh, darn it, that is interesting.
27:18Was it Tommy or Joe?
27:19I bet it was Joe because he and Tommy had a falling out over that timeshare.
27:26Okay, I'm really uncomfortable with him back in that room.
27:30Why? He hasn't made a peep all day.
27:33You don't get it.
27:33All the years that we lived together, he drove me crazy the whole time.
27:37And now he's not.
27:40Exactly.
27:43Don't look at me like that.
27:44It means he did it on purpose.
27:47It was a choice.
27:49That's like finding out Godzilla could have had Arby's instead of Tokyo.
27:55I don't think they have Arby's in Japan.
27:57Not my point.
28:01Sheldon?
28:03Sheldon!
28:06I'm sorry, am I being too loud?
28:10No, you're being perfect and you know it.
28:13Would you like me to be a less considerate tenant?
28:15No, yes, what?
28:17Stop messing with me!
28:22Hey, I was wrong.
28:23There's an Arby's in Okinawa.
28:29So Marissa, how did you guys meet?
28:31Oh, it's a pretty funny story.
28:34We met in a bookstore.
28:39That is funny.
28:42Yeah, I was just there using the bathroom.
28:45But this one had a stack of books like this tall.
28:48Oh, I see you really like to read.
28:50Oh no, I work there.
28:53Yeah, she is super smart.
28:56Seriously, you name like any book, she'll tell you if she's heard of it.
29:00Go on, try her.
29:01Oh, uh, catch her on the ride.
29:03Nope.
29:06Look at that, Penny.
29:06I guess we both like nerds.
29:10So, uh, you gonna take this thing out?
29:12Nah, it's a little choppy tonight.
29:15Yeah, that's okay.
29:15It's just nice sitting under the stars.
29:17It's actually kind of peaceful.
29:19Well, it's a beautiful boat.
29:22Thanks, man.
29:23We love it.
29:24Although he's so tall, he bangs his head almost every time he goes downstairs.
29:28After the first couple, you don't even feel it.
29:31Where are our manners?
29:33Zack, let's get our guest something to drink.
29:34You got it, babe.
29:37I can't believe that guy's rich.
29:38Watch your head.
29:39That was a close one.
29:43Are you jealous?
29:45I know, I know.
29:45I shouldn't be.
29:46He's super sweet.
29:47I should be happy for them.
29:48It's driving me crazy, too.
29:50Really?
29:50Yes, I was trying to pretend like it wasn't so you wouldn't think I was petty.
29:54Turns out we're both petty.
29:57I love you so much.
29:58Oh, it's freezing out here.
30:01Do you like me to heat things up?
30:04No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe.
30:08Oh, that is bright.
30:10Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
30:14So, shall we?
30:17No, I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight.
30:20This is a candle body.
30:23Howdy, neighbors.
30:24We haven't met yet.
30:25I'm Andy.
30:26Oh, hello.
30:27Nice to meet you.
30:29You know, your new balcony kind of looks right over our fence.
30:32You might want to put up some trees.
30:34We can see everything.
30:37You can, but it's okay if you don't.
30:41So, can you turn your lights off?
30:43Sorry, they're motion censored.
30:45They'll go off in a minute.
30:46Just try to stay still.
30:50What are we going to do about this?
30:52I say we wait until his lights go off and then I make hot, motionless love to you.
31:01Don't move.
31:02It's go time.
31:06Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
31:08And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
31:10And this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present
31:14Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags.
31:18I'd like to start this episode by apologizing on behalf of Dr. Fowler,
31:22who made the wild claim last week that there was no national tricolored flag with a purple stripe,
31:26when in fact the Estonian governorate inside the Russian empire
31:30had a purple stripe on their flag from 1721 to 1917.
31:36See?
31:38Right there in the middle.
31:41And I'd like to apologize on behalf of Dr. Cooper
31:44for having his zipper down for the entire segment on the flags of East Africa.
31:50Sorry, Tanzania, you deserve better.
31:52Okay, that's my dad.
31:53Now remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, right?
31:56Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zach.
31:58Got it.
31:58And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
32:01I got it.
32:02But not the Cornhuskers.
32:03Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
32:05Is that a sports team?
32:08Never mind, you're good.
32:11Daddy!
32:12Hi.
32:15Hey, Wyatt.
32:16Leonard.
32:17Hey, it's a hell of a handshake.
32:19Oh, well, I've been taking vitamins.
32:23Dad, come on in, sit down.
32:25Can I get you something to drink?
32:26Maybe a beer?
32:27Sure, if you're having one.
32:29Why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant?
32:33Um, Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend, Zach.
32:41How about those Cornhuskers?
32:46Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
32:50It's just a haircut and some clothes.
32:52No, it's the last straw.
32:53I can't take any more.
33:03Can you believe it?
33:04They finally fixed the elevator.
33:05This is a nightmare.
33:08What's with him?
33:09He won a Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing.
33:11Oh, yeah, got it.
33:29Ah!
33:35How did you get down here?
33:39Elevator, it's really fast.
33:42I need to be alone right now.
33:43Don't try to follow me.
33:44All right, you need a ride?
33:45That'd be great, thank you.
33:47Where's Raj?
33:48He's working with Bert.
33:49They're probably cutting their stupid meteorite open with their stupid diamond saw.
33:55Are you okay?
33:56Yeah, I'm just a little run down.
33:58It might be a head cold.
34:03You're ill?
34:06Purell?
34:07Purell?
34:10Purell?
34:14Can I top anybody off?
34:19Why don't you go to bed?
34:19I'll run out and get you some medicine.
34:21Oh, it's okay.
34:22Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
34:24Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart?
34:28Doesn't he need, like, all of it?
34:31Well, he's got plenty.
34:32His pill caddy is, like, this big.
34:36All right, well, why don't you go to bed?
34:37I'll sleep out here on the couch.
34:38No, no, no.
34:39You take the bed.
34:39I'll stay out here.
34:40Even better.
34:40Sweet dreams, snotbag.
34:47Go away, Raj.
34:52What are you doing?
34:55I'm winning you back, Love Actually style.
35:03I don't know what that means.
35:05Really?
35:06You've never seen Love Actually?
35:08If you want to watch it right now, I'll just wait.
35:13I have nothing to say to you.
35:15Look, we both made mistakes.
35:17I am so sorry that I spied on you.
35:20I didn't mean to, but I know it's not okay.
35:24Now, do you want to apologize to me?
35:28You also said you don't trust me and that you barely know me.
35:32I really thought this would be more of a back and forth thing.
36:35I'm sorry.
36:57Amy?
36:59Yeah?
37:01There's something out here.
37:02Just trap it under a cup, and I'll be there in a minute.
37:07I'll try, but it's Leonard.
37:08Honey, I know it all feels overwhelming right now,
37:11but I promise you, things will settle down.
37:13There's no Earl Grey, you filthy liar!
37:18Hey, is Penny here?
37:19No.
37:20Why?
37:21I wanted to show her my latest creation.
37:23I give you Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
37:32Wow, Amy, you look amazing.
37:40Sheldon, what do you think?
37:48I like you better the way you were.
37:50But she looks beautiful.
37:53Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone,
37:56and hair that goes from office to on the town in minutes.
38:02I don't care.
38:04Put it back.
38:05I like the way I look.
38:07Well, I don't!
38:11My fault.
38:11I was out of Earl Grey.
38:13Come to a giant metal door.
38:15I check the door for traps.
38:19There are no traps.
38:20I use my wizard eye to see what's on the other side of the door.
38:24Hey, that's sort of like how you used a doorbell camera to spy on your fiance.
38:29No, it's nothing like that.
38:31Your wizard eye reveals a monster.
38:33Is it alone and unloved?
38:35I guess.
38:36I open the door and say, hey, Raj!
38:40Why don't you just call her?
38:42I'm sure you guys can work this out.
38:43I don't want to talk about it.
38:44Let's just play.
38:45OK, the Cyclops tells you that the enchantress you seek
38:48is staying at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords.
38:50Really?
38:51An inn?
38:52Anu is a concierge at a hotel.
38:54That's a little insensitive, don't you think?
38:56I hadn't noticed that before you mentioned it.
38:58Well, now that I've mentioned it, how do you feel?
39:00Bad.
39:00Shame on you.
39:01Zack wanted you to donate your genetic material for his baby.
39:05Yeah, so I'd be helping out a couple who really want a baby,
39:09and they were going to pay us, and Penny freaked out about it.
39:12That doesn't make any sense.
39:13No.
39:13They wanted you?
39:17Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me.
39:19I'm smart, I'm nice.
39:21I'm smart, I'm nice.
39:22And I can eat cheese without clearing out my stomach.
39:24And I can eat cheese without clearing out a room.
39:28Are you upset he didn't ask you?
39:30Of course not.
39:31I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows,
39:34he thinks you're the best choice.
39:36Well, he does.
39:38I don't see why Penny is so against this.
39:40Well, perhaps Penny's worried that you haven't considered
39:42the emotional toll of knowing there's
39:44a child out there who is biologically yours,
39:47but not actually yours.
39:51Well, that's really insightful.
39:52Yeah, I'm taller than you, and I don't have asthma.
39:54These people are crazy.
39:56Can't believe they're going to cut that
39:57with this punk-ass diamond saw.
40:06Jesus.
40:19Leonard, what are you doing?
40:20Showing you that this is the better way.
40:23Stop.
40:24Whatever's inside there is dangerous.
40:30Oh.
40:31And pretty.
40:37What is that?
40:38Ah!
40:40Are you OK?
40:41Ah.
40:42Yeah, I'm fine.
40:43Just feeling a little...
40:51...hungry.
40:55Stop eating butt!
40:59Keep eating butt!
41:04Leonard.
41:05Leonard!
41:05What? What?
41:06You're having a bad dream.
41:08Oh, thank God.
41:10I was eating my friends.
41:11Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
41:13You know what?
41:14We're OK.
41:14Two friends.
41:17Let me see if you're running a fever.
41:18Yeah.
41:20Oh, yeah.
41:20You're burning up.
41:27Jeez.
41:28Are you OK?
41:30It depends.
41:31What color are my eyes?
41:32I don't know.
41:33Brown?
41:34No, green.
41:34No, wait.
41:35Brown.
41:37Oh, good.
41:38I'm awake.
41:49Oh.