TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 5 May 1965
Ross fears that he won't make the little league team, so the family takes it upon themselves to help Ross out.
Director: James Sheldon
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Ross fears that he won't make the little league team, so the family takes it upon themselves to help Ross out.
Director: James Sheldon
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00How's your debating team coming, Kath?
00:11Oh, fine, Uncle Martin.
00:12Patty and I are both on the team.
00:14Yeah, Papa, we're going to bowl them over.
00:17We're having our little league tryouts this morning.
00:19Boy, I'll bet half the town didn't sleep last night.
00:22Papa, we're having a debate at the auditorium Saturday.
00:29Would you like to come?
00:30Hmm?
00:31Oh, no, no.
00:32I'm sorry.
00:33I have to go to a meeting in Kansas City this weekend.
00:35There must be a million guys trying out for pitcher.
00:37How long will you be gone?
00:40Just a day or two.
00:41Boy, I'll bet the guys that don't make the team are going to kill themselves.
00:46What are you debating?
00:47Whether or not there's life on other planets.
00:50That should be interesting.
00:51Now, Billy Bishop is the one to watch.
00:54He's good, and he throws a fastball with a hop on it.
00:57And he knows he's going to get it.
00:59Have you ever seen a fastball with a hop on it?
01:01I'm sorry, Ross.
01:02I really don't know very much about baseball.
01:04Well, I could teach you.
01:05You too, Patty.
01:06Oh, sure, Ross.
01:07But some other time.
01:08We're trying to get ready for the debate.
01:09Yeah.
01:10Well, I think I'll be going.
01:11I don't want to be late for the tryouts.
01:12So long.
01:13Bye.
01:14Bye.
01:15Bye.
01:16Bye.
01:17Bye.
01:18Bye.
01:19Bye.
01:20Bye.
01:21Bye.
01:22Bye.
01:23Bye.
01:24Bye.
01:25Bye.
01:27Patty, are you meeting Richard?
01:29Yeah, mama.
01:30We're going unicycling.
01:31Unicycling?
01:32Uh-huh.
01:33One wheel.
01:34That should be fun.
01:36Where's Ross?
01:37He's gone.
01:44That kid.
01:45He could've at least said goodbye.
01:52Meet Kathy, who's lived most everywhere, from Zanzibar to Berkeley Square.
01:59But Kathy's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights.
02:03What a crazy pair!
02:05But they're cousins, identical cousins all the way.
02:12One pair of matching bookends, different as night and day.
02:18Where Kathy adores a minuet, the ballet Russe, and quape Suzette.
02:24Our Patty loves to rock and roll, a hot dog makes her lose control.
02:28What a wild duet!
02:30Still they're cousins, identical cousins and you'll find
02:37they laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike.
02:41You can lose your mind when cousins hire two of a kind.
02:56Ross!
02:58Ross!
03:02Hey, what's the matter?
03:04Don't you feel well?
03:12Well, tell me what's wrong, why are you lying here in the dark?
03:16Well, no one cares whether I live or die.
03:20I'm not gonna make the ball team.
03:23I haven't had a bite of food all day.
03:26Of course we care.
03:28Billy Bishop's gonna make pitcher.
03:31I wish I were dead.
03:33Come on, don't say that.
03:35Everything's gonna be all right.
03:37No, it isn't.
03:38Yes, it is.
03:40I want you to tell me all about it, but first I'll get you something to eat, okay?
03:43I'll bring a tray up here.
03:45I guess so.
03:46Oh, promise not to tell Mom and Dad.
03:49You know, they'd think I was a sissy.
03:53Don't worry about that.
04:01What are we going to do?
04:02I don't know, Kathy, but we've got to do something.
04:04He's in terrible shape.
04:07Are you still hungry?
04:09No, Mom, this is for Ross.
04:11Well, you say he didn't want any dinner.
04:13He filled up on hot dogs and things at the ballpark.
04:16Well, that's because he was too sick to eat.
04:18Mom, well, he's up in his room and he's in terrible shape.
04:22Why?
04:23Well, first of all, because he didn't make the little league,
04:25and second of all, because he thinks none of us give a darn.
04:29Why didn't he say something?
04:31Well, I guess he did, but we weren't tuned in.
04:34Oh, well, I'll go up and have a talk with him.
04:36Oh, no, Papa, I really wish you wouldn't do that,
04:38because I told him I wouldn't say anything.
04:40He doesn't want you to think he's a sissy.
04:42Oh, all right.
04:44You make sure he eats and we'll think of something.
04:46Okay.
04:47Patty.
04:58You want some more?
05:01Okay, let's talk.
05:04Well, to tell you the truth, I don't feel much like talking.
05:09What do you feel like?
05:11A failure.
05:13Just because you might not make the little league?
05:16Well, I can't explain it.
05:18It seems like such a little thing,
05:20but if the coach doesn't pick me,
05:22it means I'm not as good as the other fellow.
05:24I might as well be a girl.
05:26Well, how do you know he's not going to pick you?
05:28Because today he kept putting Billy Bishop in as pitcher.
05:31He only let me pitch half an inning.
05:34Well, that's not fair.
05:35What's his name?
05:36Coach Johnson.
05:38And he picks the teams?
05:39Yeah, he's murdered.
05:40I really tried, Patty, but he's awfully hard to please.
05:44Well, did he actually say he was going to pick Billy Bishop?
05:46No, but everybody knows he's going to.
05:50When is it supposed to be decided?
05:52At the end of our tryouts next week.
05:54And it's not only pitching,
05:55it's also going to depend a lot on our RBIs.
05:58Your RBIs?
06:00Runs batted in.
06:02What's the difference?
06:03Nobody around here cares anything about baseball.
06:05It's like I'm speaking a foreign language
06:07and I've got nobody to talk to.
06:10Well, from now on, you're going to.
06:20Okay, it's your turn.
06:21How many major leagues are there?
06:23Two. American and national.
06:25Good.
06:26Where's Baltimore?
06:28In Maryland, isn't it?
06:30I mean, what league is it in?
06:32Oh, American.
06:34Good.
06:35San Francisco?
06:36National.
06:37Minnesota?
06:38American.
06:39Good, you're going to be quite an expert.
06:42Let's go to the minor leagues.
06:44Maury Wills.
06:45He's with the Dodgers.
06:47Flood.
06:48St. Louis Cardinals.
06:49Nixon.
06:51Did he play ball?
06:53Russ Nixon.
06:54Of course.
06:55Boston.
06:56Very good.
06:58You know, all these players are famous
07:00and I've never even heard of them before.
07:02It's like another world.
07:04Well, at the moment, it's Ross' world.
07:06I think it's very nice we can share it with him.
07:08So do I.
07:09Is there a little league for mothers?
07:12I don't think so.
07:13Might not be a bad idea to start one, though.
07:16You know, I wouldn't be in Coach Johnson's shoes
07:18for all the money in the world.
07:19I'll bet every mother and father in town is on his neck.
07:24Hello, darling.
07:26Oh, hi, son.
07:29How'd it go today?
07:31Not so hot.
07:32A lot of kids were eliminated.
07:34Were you?
07:35No.
07:36But tomorrow's another day.
07:37Hi, champ.
07:38How's it going?
07:39Terrible.
07:40Billy Bishop pitched most of the game.
07:42Oh, well, that's nothing to worry about.
07:44The coach is probably just saving you, that's all.
07:46Come on, sit down.
07:47Sure.
07:49The way they saved Tian today.
07:52They put him in as relief pitcher in the top of the fourth
07:54and he pitched a shot out.
07:57Oh.
08:00Ross, it might be a good idea if you got some extra pitching practice.
08:04Yeah, you can practice on the patio.
08:06But I have no one to play with.
08:08Well, I'll play ball with you.
08:09I can use the exercise.
08:11Do you mean that, Dad?
08:12Certainly.
08:13Let's go out and throw a few around.
08:15Oh, I've got nothing to do.
08:16I'll go with you.
08:17Me, too.
08:18Hey, that's great.
08:19Let's go.
08:27Strike three.
08:30You got a nice curve there, son.
08:31Thanks.
08:32You should see Billy Bishop's curve.
08:34Why don't we take a little rest?
08:36Yeah.
08:37I could go on forever.
08:39Not me.
08:41I'm not as young as I used to be.
08:45How do you think I'm doing?
08:47I think you're doing fine.
08:49Could I give you some advice?
08:50Sure.
08:51I think you should stop worrying about Billy Bishop.
08:53Forget that you're competing with him
08:54and just compete with yourself.
08:56Do the best you can.
08:58Yes, sir.
08:59Okay.
09:02Okay.
09:03I'll meet you at the shake shop.
09:04I'll talk to you later.
09:05Bye.
09:06I'll call you from Kansas City.
09:08Bye, Pop.
09:09Well, have a good time.
09:10Oh, thank you, honey.
09:11Now, you look after Ross, will you?
09:12Oh, don't worry about him.
09:14I'm going to make a Little League picture
09:15out of him if it kills me.
09:16He'll be fine.
09:17Goodbye, dear.
09:18Goodbye.
09:19Goodbye.
09:20Goodbye.
09:21Goodbye.
09:25You know, Mama,
09:26Ross is really a very good pitcher.
09:28Coach Johnson wouldn't dare
09:29not put him on the team.
09:31I hope Coach Johnson knows that.
09:37Hello, darling.
09:38Hi, Ross.
09:40Hungry?
09:42Did anything happen today?
09:44Coach Johnson eliminated
09:45all the pitchers
09:46except me and Billy Bishop.
09:48That's great!
09:49That's good!
09:50No, it isn't.
09:51Billy Bishop's going to get it.
09:53Is 12 too young
09:54to have a nervous breakdown?
09:55You're not going to have
09:56a nervous breakdown.
09:57I'm cracking up.
09:59Why don't you have
10:00something to eat?
10:02Why is it mothers always think
10:03that food solves everything?
10:06I don't know what I'm going to do
10:07if he doesn't pick me.
10:12What's wrong with Ross?
10:14War nerves.
10:15Now down to him
10:16and Billy Bishop.
10:17Mama, we've got to do something.
10:19Do you know he hasn't eaten
10:20anything in three days?
10:22He's going to be too thin to pitch.
10:24He'll throw the ball
10:25and go right up in the air after it.
10:28I don't know what to do.
10:30Why don't we have a talk
10:31with Coach Johnson?
10:33You know, kind of feel him out.
10:35Is that ethical?
10:37Well, if you love your son,
10:38it's ethical.
10:40I mean,
10:41why don't we invite him to dinner?
10:43You see, I could find out
10:44what it's all about.
10:45Dinner.
10:46You see, I could find out
10:47what his favorite food is
10:48and you could cook it for him.
10:50That sounds a little like bribery.
10:53No, it's what you call
10:54the social graces.
10:56Comes at an opportune time too,
10:57doesn't it?
11:01Mama, there's nothing wrong
11:02with being nice to him.
11:04I mean,
11:05what's wrong with letting him see
11:06Ross in his native habitat?
11:08I don't think your father
11:09would approve.
11:10Well, he doesn't have to know.
11:12He's out of town, isn't he?
11:13What harm could it do?
11:14We're only gonna invite him to dinner.
11:16Everybody does it.
11:18I mean,
11:19people give candy to the teacher,
11:21an apple to the policeman,
11:23gifts to their bosses.
11:24It's just a way of showing
11:25your appreciation.
11:27This does mean a lot
11:28to Ross, Aunt Natalie.
11:32All right.
11:33We'll do it.
11:35Let's not say anything to Ross.
11:37Let's not say anything
11:38to anyone.
11:44This is gonna be
11:45the best party we've ever had.
11:47Well, it isn't exactly
11:48a party, darling.
11:49It's just Coach Johnson.
11:50It's still gonna be
11:51the best party we ever had.
11:53Patty, would you sit with me, please?
11:55Oh, sure, Kathy.
11:58Does Ross have any idea
11:59who's coming?
12:00We didn't bring the word.
12:01I can't wait to see his face.
12:03Yeah.
12:05He's here.
12:06The coach is here.
12:08He's here.
12:10He's here.
12:11He's here.
12:12The coach is here.
12:14Oh, oh.
12:15Sorry.
12:18Someone had better let him in
12:19or he'll go away.
12:21I'll let him in.
12:28Martin!
12:30Hi.
12:32I'm sorry, I had a ring.
12:33I just forgot my key.
12:35You're home a day early.
12:37Yeah, I know.
12:38We finished up ahead of schedule,
12:39so I just caught
12:40a good afternoon plane out
12:41and here I am.
12:43You're all dressed up.
12:44Yes, uh,
12:45we're having a guest for dinner.
12:47Oh, one of Patty's friends?
12:49No, uh,
12:51one of Ross's friends.
12:53Well, good.
13:00How do you do?
13:02I'm fine.
13:03How are you?
13:10What are you doing here?
13:12I live here.
13:14But you're home a day early.
13:16Well, I can always leave again.
13:18Why is everybody so dressed up?
13:20They always dress for dinner.
13:22Like that?
13:25He's here again.
13:27Well, I must say,
13:28you've gone to a lot of trouble
13:29for Ross's friend,
13:30but I think it's kind of cute.
13:33Do you?
13:34I'm sure glad.
13:36Uh, Patty, would you, uh,
13:38let him in, please?
13:39Oh, yeah.
13:52Good evening, Coach Johnson.
13:54Hi, I'm Patty Lane.
13:56Hello, Patty.
13:58Won't you come in?
13:59Yeah, thank you.
14:01Okay.
14:04Hello, I'm Mrs. Lane.
14:05How do you do?
14:06And this is my husband, Martin Lane.
14:07Darling, this is Coach Johnson.
14:10Coach Johnson?
14:11Nice to meet you, Mr. Lane.
14:13Well, it's a pleasant surprise meeting you.
14:16And this is our niece, Kathy.
14:19Hello, Kathy.
14:20How do you do, Coach Johnson?
14:22Uh, what are you doing here?
14:25I suppose you've come by to give us some news.
14:27News?
14:28Oh, I just came by to have dinner.
14:31You just came by to have dinner?
14:33Yes.
14:34Isn't it nice that Coach Johnson
14:35was able to take time out
14:36from his busy schedule?
14:38Oh, he certainly is.
14:40Where's Ross?
14:42Oh, he'll be right down.
14:44Excuse me.
14:46Oh, won't you sit down, please?
14:49Yes.
14:54Oh, Aki-san,
14:56would you put it right here, please?
15:07I love Japanese food.
15:09Ikaga desu ka?
15:10Yoroshi.
15:11Do you?
15:12I'm so glad.
15:14What time shall I serve dinner, madam?
15:16The usual time, Aki-san.
15:19I need to eat.
15:20We're off on a trip.
15:21I am dressed.
15:22Oh, I mean really dressed.
15:24What for?
15:25For dinner.
15:26Why can't I eat like this?
15:28Because we're having a very important guest.
15:30Well, two guests.
15:32Come on, honey.
15:33Come on, put these on.
15:34Come downstairs and hurry up.
15:36Okay, okay.
15:41What did you get all dressed up for?
15:44I did it for someone I love.
15:46Hurry up.
15:48I've been a fan of yours for a long time, Mr. Lane.
15:51I think the Chronicle's a great newspaper.
15:53Oh, thank you.
15:55Are you interested in baseball?
15:57Oh, I played a little when I was in high school.
15:59Ross will be right down.
16:00Ross just talks about you all the time, Coach Johnson.
16:03I imagine all the boys talk about me most of the time.
16:06It's a good thing I don't hear what they have to say,
16:08isn't it?
16:10You used to be shortstop on the Chicago White Sox,
16:13didn't you?
16:14How did you know that?
16:16You're much too modest.
16:18In your last season with them, you batted 301.
16:20Well, you've been doing a little research on me,
16:22haven't you?
16:24Oh, Mamo knows all the batting averages.
16:26Oh, we're great.
16:27baseball fans around here.
16:29What did you do after you quit baseball?
16:31I went into the sporting goods business.
16:33How did you get started as a little league coach?
16:36Somebody asked me, and I said yes.
16:38I went in as a substitute for two weeks.
16:40I've been at it for 10 years now.
16:42Must be very rewarding.
16:44It is.
16:46But there are problems, too.
16:48What kind of problems?
16:50Psychological, mostly.
16:52Kids can get pretty high-strung.
16:54You know, when you're young,
16:55kids can get pretty high-strung.
16:57Making the team means a great deal to them.
16:59Sometimes too much.
17:01Very often the parents will push them into competition.
17:03If they fail, they feel they've let their parents down.
17:06Ross was interested in little league ball
17:08before we even knew anything about it.
17:10I'm not saying all parents do it, Mrs. Lane.
17:13But you'd be surprised
17:15what some mothers and fathers will resort to
17:18to get their children on the team.
17:22These are marvelous.
17:23I think these are better than the ones I had last night.
17:26Last night?
17:28Over at Billy Bishop's.
17:32I still don't see why I should wear a suit.
17:35Hello, Ross.
17:38What are you doing here, sir?
17:40I mean, did I do something wrong?
17:43Of course not, darling.
17:45We invited Coach Johnson to dinner.
17:47To dinner?
17:49Yeah. Keith, too, you know.
17:51Why here?
17:53We thought it would be nice if we all got acquainted.
17:56That's why I came, Ross.
17:58I like to meet the families of the boys
18:00who try out for the team.
18:03Dinner is served.
18:06Arigato, Aki-san.
18:15Oh, Ross said to tell you
18:17the reason he went to bed so early
18:19is because he's in strict training.
18:21He's a nice boy.
18:23Oh, thank you, Ross.
18:25I've some prized cuttings.
18:27I grow them myself.
18:29Oh.
18:31Excuse me, girls.
18:35These are much larger than mine.
18:38They're choice cuttings.
18:40May I send you some?
18:42That's very kind of you, Mrs. Lane.
18:44Oh, it's nothing at all.
18:46They certainly get a lot of tender, loving care.
18:53You awake?
18:55I guess so.
18:59How's he going?
19:01No.
19:03I just came up to see how you were.
19:05Mom should never have invited him to dinner.
19:08No, she was just trying to be helpful.
19:10I'll never be able to face him again.
19:12Well, the dinner wasn't really that bad.
19:14He'll think we were trying to bribe him or something.
19:17Well, if it's any consolation to you,
19:19Billy Bishop's mother and father
19:21had him over for a Japanese dinner last night.
19:23He said our raw fish was much better.
19:26Why do parents have to be so helpful?
19:29Well, maybe you'll understand that better
19:31when you have children of your own, son.
19:33But I don't want to have children when I grow up.
19:35I want to be a baseball player.
19:37This could be the end of my whole career.
19:41I doubt that.
19:43Boy, when that butler walked in, I could have died.
19:46Where'd he come from?
19:48An employment agency.
19:50What was Mom trying to prove?
19:51I don't think she was trying to prove anything.
19:54She just wanted to entertain Coach Johnson.
19:56She was trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible.
19:59She went to a lot of trouble.
20:01Trouble is the right word.
20:03Well, I'm not saying that what we did was right.
20:06We were probably overcompensating.
20:09What does that mean?
20:11It means that in the beginning we didn't do enough
20:14and in the end we did too much.
20:16It's a disease that parents suffer from.
20:18I'm sorry if we embarrassed you.
20:19That's okay, Dad.
20:21I'll probably get married and have children
20:23and forget all about baseball.
20:25Maybe you can do both.
20:27Anyhow, it's only Little League.
20:29You know, the kind of kid stuff.
20:31I know.
20:33Who cares if anyone's a pitcher?
20:35Sure, who cares?
20:38I care.
20:46I'm sure glad you could come.
20:47I'm sure glad you could come to dinner tonight, Coach Johnson.
20:49So am I, Patty.
20:51You have no idea how much it means to Ross.
20:53Ross says that Don Johnson is your son.
20:56That's right.
20:58Don's in my history class.
21:00Gee, he's a nice boy.
21:02I think he's one of the nicest boys in the whole school.
21:04I really like him.
21:06We're having a record party here Friday.
21:08We'd sure love to have him come over.
21:10Has he ever been here before?
21:12No.
21:14I see. Well, I'll tell him.
21:15Excuse me.
21:19I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
21:22Would you like some more coffee, Mr. Johnson?
21:24No, thank you. This is enough.
21:27Would you like some fruit?
21:29No, thank you. I'd better be going.
21:31Oh, but it's still early.
21:33Well, tomorrow's a big day.
21:35I have to pick the ball team.
21:37Ah, thank you very much for the dinner.
21:39It was lovely.
21:41Good night.
21:43I'm glad I met you, Mr. Lane.
21:45Nice to meet you, Coach.
21:47You're going to make your decision tomorrow.
21:49That's right.
21:51That's one of the reasons I wanted to come here to meet Ross' family.
21:53Ross is a good player, but it's important to know
21:55how much support he can count on at home.
21:57I mean, a real kind of support,
21:59where the family knows that he can stand on his own two feet.
22:03Well, thanks again for everything.
22:05I'll see myself out. Good night.
22:07Good night.
22:09Oh, Martin.
22:11It's all my fault.
22:12I invited his son to a party
22:14and made it sound like I was bribing him.
22:16I offered to babysit for him for nothing.
22:21And I offered him our prized roses
22:23and thanked him for putting Ross on the team in the same breath.
22:25And Aki, and the Japanese food.
22:28Boy, we really helped Ross, didn't we?
22:32Your intentions were good, but you made one mistake.
22:35What was that?
22:37You didn't have enough confidence in Ross.
22:40If he wasn't good enough to make the team,
22:42then he shouldn't have been on it.
22:44But if he was good enough to make it,
22:46he should have let him do it on his own.
22:48Yes, sir.
22:50Chalk it up to another Patty Lane brainstorm.
22:58Where are you going?
23:00To see if I can get Ross to take up ice hockey.
23:13Ross should have been home hours ago.
23:16Tryouts take time.
23:19Patty, where have you been?
23:21On a kamikaze mission.
23:25Since this whole thing was my idea,
23:27I decided I should go apologize to Coach Johnson.
23:30What did he say?
23:32He said not to send the rose cuttings.
23:35Because with his wife away, there's nobody to water them.
23:38Oh.
23:39And he said to tell you he doesn't need a babysitter.
23:42I see.
23:44And his son can't come on Friday night.
23:48Well, we've battered a thousand.
23:50I think the expression is,
23:52we struck out.
23:56How am I going to face him?
23:59Hi, folks.
24:01Ross, would you like to go to three movies tomorrow?
24:04Oh, gee, thanks, sis, but I can't.
24:06I'm pitching for the Little League.
24:07Oh.
24:09You what?
24:11I was made pitcher today.
24:13Billy Bishop's my relief pitcher.
24:15Congratulations, Ross.
24:17Oh, that's wonderful, darling.
24:19I'm so glad.
24:21Boy, Coach Johnson sure was nervous today.
24:23There must have been a million parents out there.
24:25He asked me to give you a message, Dad.
24:27A message for me?
24:29Yeah, he's on a six-month vacation.
24:31He wants you to take over as Little League coach for him.
24:33You're kidding.
24:35You're kidding.
24:40Congratulations.
24:42Oh, thank you.
25:00Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
25:02From Zanzibar to Barkley Square
25:05But Kathy's only seen the sights
25:07A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:09What a crazy pair
25:11But they're cousins
25:13Identical cousins
25:15And you'll find
25:17They laugh alike
25:19They walk alike
25:21At times they even talk alike
25:23You can lose your mind
25:25When cousins
25:27Are two of a kind
25:29Are two of a kind