Not Rated | 30min | Comedy, Family, TV Series | Episode aired 27 November 1963
Elly bonds with the Thanksgiving turkey so the family can't bring themselves to kill it; Mrs Drysdale hires some Indians to take a Thanksgiving picture, which puts Granny on the warpath.
Director: Richard Whorf
Writers: Paul Henning, Mark Tuttle
Stars: Buddy Ebsen, Irene Ryan, Donna Douglas
Elly bonds with the Thanksgiving turkey so the family can't bring themselves to kill it; Mrs Drysdale hires some Indians to take a Thanksgiving picture, which puts Granny on the warpath.
Director: Richard Whorf
Writers: Paul Henning, Mark Tuttle
Stars: Buddy Ebsen, Irene Ryan, Donna Douglas
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up through the ground come a bubbling crude.
00:11Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea.
00:16Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:19The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:22Said, California is the place you ought to be.
00:24So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
00:28Hills, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars.
00:32The Beverly Hillbillies!
00:34Now come along and visit with the Clampett family, as they take you to their mansion in the hills of Beverly.
01:01When they do, you'll run into a friend of theirs you've met.
01:04That good old friend with filter glint, Winston Cigarette.
01:08Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.
01:30Can you stuff a turkey good, Billy boy, Billy boy?
01:41Can you stuff a turkey good for Thanksgiving?
01:46She can stuff a turkey good like a turkey stuffer should.
01:51But she's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
01:57Can she roast a turkey brown?
02:07Don't pay no attention to what Granny's singing, Turkey.
02:11Where'd you go?
02:13Hey, Turkey, Turkey. Hey, Turkey, Turkey, don't be scared.
02:18Granny don't mean no harm. See, I brought you some nice stuffing.
02:22I mean bread.
02:24Is she fixin' gravy too, Billy boy, Billy boy?
02:28Fixin' giblet gravy too for Thanksgiving.
02:32Yes, she's fixin' gravy too like her mama used to do.
02:36She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother.
02:41Can she make a pumpkin pie, Billy?
02:46Hold on, Ellie.
02:47Oh, morning, Pa.
02:49What you got there?
02:51Oh, this here's a raccoon named Valner.
02:54Yes, sir, Pa.
02:56I know that's a raccoon named Valner.
02:58What you got in the sack?
03:00What sack?
03:01The sack you're totin'.
03:02The sack I'm totin'?
03:04Yeah, the sack that turkey just stuck his head out of.
03:09Don't you stay out of sight.
03:11Hey, come here.
03:12Yes, sir, Pa.
03:19Ellie Mae, I told you not to go friendlin' up with that turkey bird so close before Thanksgiving.
03:24Well, it wasn't me, Pa.
03:25It was Elmer here.
03:27Was it Elmer who chucked him in that sack?
03:29Well, he didn't do it alone.
03:30I kinda helped him.
03:32Kinda helped him take him out and put him back in his pen.
03:35Mr. Drysdale gave us that bird for a meal, not a pen.
03:38He's awful smart, Pa, and friendly too.
03:41Well, I learned him to shake hands.
03:43Well, Ellie, he ain't likely to be goin' into politics.
03:47I'll just take him out of the sack and he can shake hands with you.
03:50I don't wanna shake his hand.
03:52What's gonna happen to him is bad enough without him thinkin' a friend done it to him.
03:55Put him back and leave him be.
03:57Yes, sir, Pa.
03:58Come on, Elmer.
03:59Let's put poor old Herman back in the pen.
04:03Herman.
04:05I declare, Duke, if Mr. Drysdale give us a string of weenies,
04:08that girl'll make pets out of him.
04:12Ted, can I borrow that old hound dog for a minute?
04:16Well, sure, Granny. What for?
04:17The turkey got away, and I want old Duke to sniff out his trail.
04:22Well, you don't need old Duke, Granny.
04:24Yes, I do, Jed.
04:26My nose ain't what it used to be.
04:29It was Ellie who let Herman out.
04:31Uh, the turkey.
04:33Herman?
04:34Don't tell me she's makin' a pet out of our Thanksgiving riddles, is she?
04:38No, no, she's puttin' him back.
04:40Well, that's better.
04:42It's been a whole year since the Drysdale sat down at the table with us,
04:45and we gotta put on the dog.
04:47Don't worry, Duke.
04:49When folk says they're puttin' on a dog, it just means they're doin' things fancy.
04:52Yeah, Duke.
04:54Like dressin' up in your Sunday go-to meetin' vest,
04:56and havin' middles in the fancy eatin' room.
04:58That reminds me.
05:00I told Jester I would've put the company chairs around the fancy eatin' table.
05:03Let's go in and see how he's doin'.
05:06Didn't aim to scare you, Duke.
05:08Come on, now.
05:10Get them worry-winkles out of your head.
05:13I told folks it's gotta stick together.
05:29Uncle Jed, Granny,
05:31Ellie, me,
05:33Mr. Drysdale, Mrs. Drysdale,
05:35Miss Jane.
05:37How's it comin', Jethro?
05:39Oh, fine, Uncle Jed.
05:41All right, doggie, there's one thing you gotta say about the folks out here.
05:44They believe in buildin' a good, strong eatin' table.
05:47Why, you could serve up a whole barbecued steer on this thing and not bowin' in.
05:51Oh, yes, sir.
05:53You remember that little fella that came home from school with me the other day?
05:56Yeah.
05:58Well, he says this here room is what you call a billiard room.
06:01And this here table is what you call a billiard table.
06:04Hmm.
06:06And you know what I got figured out?
06:08What?
06:10This here rascal must be what you call a billiard.
06:16Hmm, doggies.
06:18I always wondered what that critter was.
06:20Mean-lookin', ain't he?
06:22That's a fact.
06:24Judgin' from the size of his head, he must be monstrous big.
06:27I reckon that's why they had to build an extra-strong table.
06:30You reckon we could shoot one of these sometime?
06:33They live around here in Beverly Hills?
06:36I reckon so.
06:38This little fella says his pa shoots billiards a couple nights a week.
06:42Kind of a night, do they?
06:44Yes, sir.
06:46I ain't so sure I'd want to run into him in the dark.
06:49Awful ugly, huh?
06:51Well, maybe that's one good thing about catchin' us a billiard.
06:54I don't reckon even Elliot would want to make a pet out of him.
07:03What's that turkey doin' in my sink?
07:06Well, he's just watchin' me stir him up a pan of grits, Granny.
07:09With my gravy?
07:11He's right partial to your grits and gravy, Granny.
07:14Why, he'd like to shake your hand.
07:16Well, I might be pleased to.
07:19Get that bird outta here.
07:21And I don't want to see him in my kitchen until he's dressed and ready for the oven.
07:25Well, that kind of talk gets him all scared.
07:28Granny was just a-greetin' you, Herman.
07:30No, I wasn't.
07:32Now, you take him out to the pen like your pa told ya.
07:35Take his last meal with him.
07:39Shake hands with the turkey.
07:41I ain't grabbin' no drumstick that grabs back at me.
07:45Look, Granny, Herman's a-struttin' his feathers for ya.
07:53Both of ya, get outta here.
07:58Well, Granny, I'm ready for that gobbler.
08:00Oh, praise be.
08:03If you keep him around Ellie much longer, he'll be wantin' dessert and coffee with his meals.
08:09All right now, Herman.
08:11You ain't gonna let him scare you no more.
08:13Is it a deal?
08:16Atta boy.
08:18Now, you do your best to make friends with everybody.
08:24Oh, uh, Ellie May, uh, would you do me a favor?
08:26Well, sure, Pa.
08:28Would you, uh, shinny up that, uh, walnut tree out back there
08:31and get me a big sack of nuts?
08:32I sure will, Pa, and you can visit with Herman.
08:34Yeah.
08:35Hmm?
08:37Oh, uh.
08:40Well, now, uh, Herman, uh, Mr. Gobbler.
08:44I reckon the quicker we get this over with, the better.
08:48Oh, uh, I'm sorry, I don't usually refuse a hand offered in friendship,
08:52but in this case, I just got a feelin' it wouldn't be lasting.
09:01I got no hard feelin's.
09:02I got nothin' against you.
09:03You're as turkeys go.
09:04I reckon you're right up there with the best, but, uh...
09:09I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't look at me like that.
09:13Oh, what's the use? I can't do it.
09:21I reckon we just gotta shoot us one of them billiards for Thanksgiving.
09:31That there is what you call a Beverly Hills billiard.
09:34I don't care what you call it. I ain't gonna cook it.
09:38Now, Granny, the folks that live here before us must have found it pretty tasty.
09:41This here table was built just special for billiards.
09:45I don't care. Anything that looks that mean gotta taste mean.
09:48Besides, it's too big to cook.
09:54Well, you give a barbecue pit out back.
09:57I said, you give a barbecue pit out back.
10:00No, sir. Mr. Rice, they'll give us a turkey.
10:03And I got the stuffin' made.
10:05And by days, I want that turkey cleaned and dressed to no more foolishness.
10:12I'm sorry, Granny, I just can't do it.
10:14Maybe Jethro can. He ain't got acquainted with Herman like I have.
10:20Do what, Granny?
10:21Clean and dress a turkey. Can you do it?
10:23I reckon so.
10:24Well, get at it. It's back of the kitchen in that pen.
10:26Yes, ma'am.
10:27I declare, I never thought I'd see the day that Jethro Clampett was scared to kill a turkey.
10:33Heaven help him if he ever meets up with a billiard.
10:40Hey, Granny, I got the turkey all cleaned and dressed.
10:42Catch him in. I'm ready.
10:43Yes, ma'am.
10:54Put him in the pen.
10:59What in tarnation?
11:01Do you call that dressin' a turkey?
11:03Well, I did the best I could. I didn't have no clothes that'd fit him.
11:06I borrowed them clothes from a little fella down the street.
11:11I think he's kinda cute myself.
11:13So does he. He even shook my hand.
11:20Well, hi there, Miss Jean.
11:23Greetings, Mr. Clampett.
11:27I wonder if I might borrow one of Granny's ancient outdoor cooking pots.
11:30Well, you bet you can.
11:32But ain't you takin' Thanksgiving bittles with us?
11:35Oh, yes, indeed. I merely wanted to borrow the venerable vessel as a photographic prop.
11:39You see, Mr. and Mrs. Drysdale are posing as Governor and Mrs. Bradford...
11:43...in a recreation of the first Thanksgiving some 342 years ago...
11:48...when the old Gonquins Quanto and Massasoit befriended the beleaguered Pilgrims...
11:52...and so made it possible to perpetuate the Plymouth colony...
11:55...and bring him to be what is now one of the most important holidays in the American calendar.
12:04What was it you wanted again?
12:07What?
12:08Oh, yeah. I'll bet you right on it.
12:12Gilbert! Harry!
12:14Oh, here you are.
12:16So sorry for the delay.
12:18Miss Hathaway is out getting a kettle...
12:20...and Mr. Drysdale doesn't have his costume on as yet.
12:28Pale-faced Squaw, descendant of Pilgrim.
12:32He eat present when Red Brother bring turkey for feast.
12:36Me grateful to Red Brother.
12:42Newborn! Harry!
12:46What was she talking about?
12:48As near as I can figure, she's got a brother who's a communist.
12:54What nation you from?
12:56You from Mohegan?
12:58Uh...
13:00Oh, yes.
13:03You from Mohegan?
13:05Uh, Kennebec?
13:07Algonquin?
13:09Where are you from?
13:11Central Casting.
13:19Here you are, Miss Jean. Now you got somebody to help you unload it over to the Drysdale?
13:23Oh, yes, and thank you. I'm so grateful.
13:26My pleasure. See, maybe you can tell me something.
13:29Gladly.
13:30How much would a fella go around here to shoot himself a billiard?
13:33Billiard?
13:35Oh, you mean the game, shoot billiards.
13:37Yes, ma'am.
13:39Ordinarily, one would go to a billiard... billiard parlor.
13:43Parlor? Indoor?
13:45Definitely. Oh, not a parlor as you know it, Mr. Clampett.
13:48No, it's a large room with several tables...
13:50...and people come in and shoot billiards.
13:53Indoor?
13:55Yes. You see, the tables on which...
13:58Wait a minute. You have one in your billiard room.
14:00Yes, ma'am, and I got to see it's the ugliest thing I ever did see.
14:05Oh, that's a matter of individual taste.
14:07They're quite expensive, and many Beverly Hills mansions have one.
14:11Usually you'll find them in the playroom or the game room or the billiard room.
14:15But they keep them in the house.
14:17Always.
14:19Sure would have figured billiards for outdoors.
14:22Never out in the weather, no.
14:24Oh, Drysdale's awaiting.
14:26I'll see you later.
14:27Yes, ma'am. Bye.
14:34Granny, would you believe it?
14:36These Beverly Hills folks keep them big, ugly billiards indoors.
14:40And for pets.
14:42No.
14:43Yeah. Don't that take the rag off in the bush?
14:45It sure does.
14:47Now you go and take the head off of that gobbler.
14:51I just can't do that to a critter that keeps wanting to shake my hand.
14:56What's the matter with you?
14:57Why, back home you used to bring home a great big gobbler every Thanksgiving.
15:01Yeah, but they was wild turkeys that are hunted and shot out in the woods.
15:04They had a sporting chance.
15:06Well, then you take iron out and turn it loose in the woods and hunt it.
15:10Yeah, I did. I think you've got an idea there.
15:12I hope so.
15:14When the Drysdale come to eat, they want to see that bird sitting on the table, not at it.
15:19So sorry to keep noble chiefs waiting.
15:22Has the knight in costume yet?
15:24If Indian thirsty, they'll say squaw.
15:27Be happy, bring refreshment.
15:29Crazy, I'll have a beer.
15:31Make mine a dry martini.
15:34Indian want fire water?
15:38Very dry.
15:40Ten fire water to one vermouth.
15:51Hey, where you all going with Herman?
15:54Oh, Jethro and me is taking him out in the woods to go hunting.
15:57Oh, good, he'll like that.
15:59You want to go hunting with us, Ellie? I brought Granny's shotgun.
16:01Well, no, Ellie can't do that. She's got to take him walnuts into her granny.
16:05And then she's got to go find her granny some hickory nuts.
16:07Where, pal? I ain't seen a single hickory tree on this whole place.
16:11Well, why don't you try over to the Drysdale? They might just have one.
16:14Yes, sir.
16:15Why, they ain't got none of the hick...
16:17Hurry with the hickory nuts. Drive on, Jethro. Bye, Ellie.
16:21Bye. Have a good time, Herman.
16:24There. We're going to have a very authentic reproduction of the first Thanksgiving.
16:31Massasoit, and you are Squanto.
16:35No, lady. That's the clown that rides around with the lone ranger.
16:43Hi-ho!
16:46No, I won't do it. I won't.
16:48Please, no bad.
16:50Not have my picture taken in this ridiculous getup.
16:53It'll be in the society section tomorrow.
16:55Oh, no, it won't.
16:56Please, redskin help. Pale-faced squaw.
17:00Pale-faced squaw, speak with forked tongue.
17:04You'll bring redskin firewater.
17:07Not, Miss Hathaway, quickly. One beer and one firewater.
17:11I mean, uh, dry martini.
17:14Why, I could use one of those myself.
17:16Grab him.
17:17No, no, no.
17:18I'll fix you a drink myself. I just don't want you disappearing again.
17:23Let go of me!
17:24Sorry, mister. You no pose, we no get paid.
17:27Hold still.
17:39Can she roast a turkey brown?
17:41Billy boy, Billy boy.
17:43Can she roast a turkey brown?
17:46Charmin' Billy.
17:48She can roast a turkey brown.
17:50Quick as jizz, shoots him down.
17:52She's a young thing.
17:54Granny, Granny, get the guns.
17:56Engines, get your guns.
17:57The engines is attacking.
17:59Engines? You mean redskin savages?
18:01Yes, ma'am, they's on the warpath.
18:03They done captured Mr. Drysdale.
18:05Where's McGonally?
18:06Granny, where is McGonally?
18:08Oh, Jethro took it to the woods with him this morning
18:10when him and Pa went hunting.
18:12Just like my granny always said.
18:14Them redskins wait until the menfolks disappear with the guns,
18:17and then they attack.
18:18What'll we do, Granny?
18:21We'll hide them tooth and nail.
18:23We'll sell our scouts dear.
18:25Come on, child, but protect your hair.
18:42Now then.
18:44Happy pilgrims, happy Al Gontwins.
18:47Chief, you look terrible.
18:49What do you want for this kind of dough?
18:51Custer's last stand?
18:53Oh, no, no, no.
18:55I meant my chief, Mr. Drysdale.
18:57Now then.
18:59Everyone, smile.
19:01Smile.
19:03Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
19:05Excellent.
19:07Goodbye, all.
19:09Wait, Milford.
19:11The next is the most important picture of all,
19:13where the Indians give us the turkey.
19:16I shall reload the camera while you get the bird.
19:18Where is the turkey?
19:20It was in a crate right over there.
19:22Well, that's the one you mean I gave to the clambots.
19:24You what?
19:26Well, they did invite us over for Thanksgiving dinner.
19:28It seemed the least I could do.
19:30I am not eating with those dreadful people.
19:32Then I am not posing for these dreadful pictures.
19:35Yes, Nilburn.
19:37Go get the turkey back.
19:39Oh, they'll think I'm an Indian giver.
19:43No offense, fellas.
19:45Oh, no, I'm not going to have you insulting them.
19:47Look, tell us where the turkey is and we'll get it.
19:50At the clambots.
19:52Right through that hedge.
19:54Right through there?
19:56Tell them you just want to borrow it.
19:58They can have it back.
20:00What?
20:10There's two of them.
20:12Coming through the hedge.
20:15Shootin' guns?
20:17We'll hide and ambush them.
20:19Remember now, don't let them grab your hair.
20:27Jump in!
20:35Where'd my buddy go?
20:37Come on, that's mine.
20:39Well, I reckon we ought to go in and face Granny.
20:41She's going to be powerful mad.
20:43Yeah, but Ellie's going to be powerful happy.
20:45With Herman, that's two happies to one mad.
20:47I'm kind of happy myself.
20:49So am I, Jethro.
20:51Well, let's get him around the back.
20:53You fetch the gun.
20:55Come on, Herman.
21:00Outside of a politician,
21:02I ain't never seen any critter so all-fired anxious
21:04to shake a man's hand.
21:07Keep a sharp lookout, Ellie.
21:09Them redskins is tricky rascals.
21:11Yes, I'm Granny.
21:16Keep quiet, you!
21:18Don't you try to signal the rest of your tribe.
21:20Lay down!
21:22You hair-stealing varmint!
21:26Granny, I hear something.
21:28It's a dog.
21:30It's a dog!
21:32It's a dog!
21:34It's a dog!
21:36It's a turkey gobble.
21:39There it is again.
21:41Don't let it fool you, child.
21:43That's an old Indian trick.
21:45They're sneaking up to attack.
21:47Yucky!
21:49Here comes Pa and Jethro with the guns.
21:51We're saved!
21:53We're saved!
21:55We're saved!
21:57We're saved!
21:59Quick, let him in
22:01before they get a hairy in the back.
22:03Now you're going to get it, you red devils.
22:06Granny, what in tarnation you got here?
22:08Some bloodthirsty savages.
22:10That's what we got here.
22:12And don't you never go off and leave us without any firearms
22:14unless you want to come home
22:16and find a couple of bald-headed women.
22:18Yeah, they tried to scalp us, and we jumped them first.
22:20Well, how in the world
22:22could there be wild Indians in Beverly Hills?
22:24Any place that can have
22:26them ornery-looking billiards
22:28can have Indians.
22:30The next time you get me a job like this,
22:32I want stuntman's face.
22:35Injun, I reckon you better stay
22:37till my Uncle Jethro says you can go.
22:43Oy vey, it's me!
22:47Anybody understand Injun talk?
22:53Here.
22:55Have a slug of granny's rheumatism medicine.
22:59It'll get the kinks out of your joints.
23:01So, here's the deal.
23:03So, here you are
23:05lollygagging while we're waiting.
23:07And you, always after the fire water.
23:09It'll never work for me again.
23:11If I do,
23:13I'll want to read the script first.
23:15Me, me.
23:19Shame on you.
23:21I warned you not to come over here and insult these people.
23:23I'm not insulting anybody.
23:25I'm being insulted.
23:27What's keeping everybody? The turkey's right outside.
23:29Don't you dare touch her!
23:32I want my money.
23:38Seems to me that Thanksgiving
23:40is a mighty poor time
23:42for folks to be yelling and arguing at one another.
23:44I realize we've got
23:46a whole heap of misunderstandings
23:48to sort out,
23:50and I think we all ought to sit down
23:52and start sorting them out.
23:58Granny has just mighty fine Thanksgiving vittles.
24:00That's the best tasting fish I ever ate.
24:02What do you say this is called again, chief?
24:04Gefilte fish.
24:06My mother fixed it.
24:08My dingy, you Indians
24:10sure do know how to cook.
24:14That's a fact, Granny.
24:16That there chicken soup was the best ever.
24:18Everything is delicious.
24:20Marvelous dinner.
24:22Delightful.
24:24Herman and me sure like it, don't we, Herman?
24:30By the way, Mr. Clampett,
24:32do you know you're eating on a billiard table?
24:34Yes, sir, I do.
24:36And next year, we gonna have us
24:38one of them rascals for Thanksgiving.
24:42I still say I ain't gonna cook it.
25:00Well, now it's time to say goodbye
25:02to Jed and all his kin.
25:04They would like to thank you folks
25:06for kindly dropping in.
25:08You're all invited back next week
25:10to this locality
25:12to have a heapin' helpin'
25:14of their hospitality.
25:16Hillbilly, that is.
25:18Set a spell.
25:20Take your shoes off.
25:22Y'all come back now, hear?
25:24All right, everybody,
25:26let's get back to work.
25:29America's future
25:31calls for college-trained leaders,
25:33but the cost of leadership
25:35is going up.
25:37Give to the college of your choice.
25:39This has been a Filmways presentation.