TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, TV Series | Episode aired 17 October 1952
Ozzie and Harriet Nelson raise their two sons Ricky and David. As the sons age, they experience teenage dating problems, marriage and careers. In this episode, Ozzie decides to diet so he can fit into a pair of size 33 pants.
Director: Ozzie Nelson
Writers: Don Nelson, Bill Davenport
Stars: Ozzie Nelson, Harriet Nelson, David Nelson, Ricky Nelson
Ozzie and Harriet Nelson raise their two sons Ricky and David. As the sons age, they experience teenage dating problems, marriage and careers. In this episode, Ozzie decides to diet so he can fit into a pair of size 33 pants.
Director: Ozzie Nelson
Writers: Don Nelson, Bill Davenport
Stars: Ozzie Nelson, Harriet Nelson, David Nelson, Ricky Nelson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, for goodness sakes. Who put the football helmet in Mrs. Nelson's refrigerator?
00:12Oh, that's mine. What's the big idea?
00:15A hot point keeps everything nice and cold. Well, what about it?
00:18I'm quarterbacking a big game tomorrow. I want to keep a cool head.
00:24The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, starring the entire Nelson family.
00:28Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.
00:31And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.
00:35The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.
00:39And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky, played by Ricky Nelson.
00:44The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny, is played by Don DeFore.
00:48Come on in, Thorny. Morning, Oz. Hi, boy.
00:58Say, Oz, I hope you don't mind if we don't shake hands this morning.
01:04Shake hands? What are you talking about?
01:06Well, it's just that I gotta keep my hands in my pockets. It'd be disastrous if I took them out.
01:10Holy smoke, take a look at that.
01:12Well, I guess I'll have to take my belt in a couple more notches.
01:16Gee, it looks like you're losing a little weight there, doesn't it?
01:19What'd you say?
01:20Well, you don't have to get sore.
01:22Oh, I'm not sore, Oz. Honest. But you said it looks like what?
01:25I just said it looks like you're losing a little weight.
01:27That's exactly what I thought you said.
01:29Here you are. Sign right there.
01:32Well, what's the gag?
01:34Well, it's no gag. And if you can't write, just make an X.
01:37But be sure you sign your name under it so I'll know who made it.
01:39Well, I mean, I want to read what I sign.
01:42This looks like a petition or something.
01:45Joe Randolph and Herb Dunkle? What are their names doing here?
01:49Well, the same thing yours will be doing.
01:51It'll testify that you, Ozzie Nelson, being of sound mind and body,
01:54have noticed that I look definitely slimmer and more satisfying to the eye.
01:57Just sign it, Oz.
01:58Oh, this is the silliest thing I ever heard of. What's the big idea?
02:01Well, it's really very simple, Oz.
02:03Catherine and I are on a diet to see who can look slimmer faster.
02:06Well, can't you do that without a note from your parents?
02:09We're taking a small bet hunt to see who can get the most unsolicited compliments.
02:13Now, come on, Oz. Be a pal and sign it.
02:16Okay.
02:23All righty. And here's your carbon copy.
02:29Now, wait a minute. I still don't get it.
02:31Aren't you going to an awful lot of trouble just to win a little bet?
02:34Well, it's not just a bet, Oz. Look at the way that moves it.
02:37Yeah, yes, I've seen the demonstration.
02:39Well, you don't have to snort it. You could give it a try yourself.
02:42Well, just what do you mean by that?
02:44Well, haven't you seen the insurance statistics?
02:46Well, what have they got to do with me?
02:48Well, nothing, Oz, except that they show that 67% of the men turned down by insurance companies are fat or overweight.
02:54Those are round figgies, of course.
02:56You're suggesting that I reduce? I happen to be in wonderful physical condition, Thorny.
03:01Okay, Oz. Suit yourself.
03:03As a matter of fact, you'd be in a little better shape, too, if you took some exercise the way I do.
03:08Oh, who are you kidding? What exercise do you do?
03:10Plenty.
03:11What, for instance?
03:12Well, I play...
03:15Well, raking up the leaves in the front yard, for instance. How about that?
03:19All right, as long as you mention it. How about it?
03:21Don't you think it's about time you cleaned up that front lawn of yours?
03:26Well, I'll be seeing you guys.
03:28Now, just a second, Thorny.
03:30Are you sure there isn't some other little comment you'd like to make before you leave?
03:34No, I think that just about does it.
03:37Well, see you later, chubby.
03:41Bye.
03:49Who's that?
03:50Oh, no, it's just Thorny.
03:52Oh, how is he?
03:53He's in one of his revolting moods.
03:56Comes over here bragging just because he's making insinuations.
04:02Like what?
04:03Well, for one thing.
04:06And for another thing, he accused me of not raking the leaves.
04:09Well, I wouldn't stand for that if I were you.
04:12Why don't you go right out there and rake them all up?
04:14Believe me, nothing can make me happier than to go out there and rake them.
04:17Well, I'd certainly like to see you happy.
04:20Why don't you do it?
04:21Well, don't you remember I told you yesterday I don't have any old pants?
04:25Well, I have some wonderful news for you, dear.
04:27I figured you'd have a lot of other things on your mind,
04:30so I went out and I bought you a new pair of pants.
04:33Oh, well, how? You shouldn't have done it.
04:36Anything to make you happy.
04:38Oh, gee whiz.
04:42What's the matter?
04:43Well, I can't go out there and do that kind of work in brand new pants, Harriet.
04:47Get grass stains on them and leaves in the cuffs and everything.
04:51Oh, well, you don't have to worry about that.
04:53I got these at the Army surplus store.
04:55They're what you might call a new pair of old pants.
04:59The only thing is, though, I wasn't sure of your waist measurement.
05:02Oh, I took about a size 30 the last time I measured, as I recall.
05:07When was that?
05:08Well, let me see now.
05:10Yes, yes, that's right.
05:11When they measure us for our football pants in high school, as I said.
05:14I put a little weight on, though.
05:16I'm possibly up to a size 31 by now.
05:19Oh, well, then these are probably too big.
05:21They're 33s.
05:23Oh, darn it.
05:24But I could take them in, couldn't I?
05:26Well, yes, I suppose you could.
05:28I tell you what I'll do.
05:29The next time I'm upstairs,
05:30I'll probably be going up there sometime later this afternoon.
05:35Oh, you don't have to do that, dear.
05:37They're right downstairs here in the hall closet.
05:39I'll get them for you.
05:40Oh, no, that's all right.
05:41I'll get them.
05:42Oh, it sounds like the boys are home.
05:44Oh, yes.
05:45Uh, the hall closet is that way, dear.
05:48Oh, oh, yes.
05:59Okay, Ricky, take it easy on the cookie jar now.
06:01You know what Dr. Brown said.
06:03Heck, I thought he said I was supposed to eat.
06:05Well, you are, but not just cookies.
06:07You're supposed to balance it with a little substantial food.
06:09Yeah, but whenever I look at that stuff,
06:11I always lose my appetite.
06:13That's what these pills are for.
06:15They give you a good appetite for real nourishing food.
06:18You can't just live on sweets, you know.
06:20I just hope I can remember to take them.
06:22Well, I'll put them right up here,
06:23and then in case you forget them, I can remind you.
06:26See?
06:27Take one before each meal.
06:30Holy smokes, look at Pop!
06:32Roll out the barrels!
06:36There's some mistake here.
06:37Oh, for goodness sake.
06:39Well, those are mine, aren't they, Pop?
06:40They're supposed to be mine.
06:42No, I bought them for your father, but I don't understand it.
06:45Well, I'll tell you exactly what happened.
06:47That darn silly store sold you a size 26.
06:50Well, they were marked 33.
06:52That's a big laugh.
06:53He better not try to, boy.
06:56Their measurements have changed a little.
06:58Oh, Harry, I might have gained a little,
06:59maybe an inch around the waist, but I...
07:03Oh!
07:04Here.
07:05Oh, here it is right over here.
07:06Here, I'll pick it up for you, Pop.
07:07Ricky, please.
07:08They may be tight, but I can still bend over in them.
07:19Very funny.
07:20And stay out of the cookies, Ricky.
07:22Yes, Ricky, cut that out.
07:24I'm hungry.
07:25He asked me if this entire family could go on a diet.
07:29My pants fit me fine.
07:33I'd be glad to cooperate, dear,
07:34if you're really serious about this.
07:36I was just reading an article last night
07:38on how to lose a pound a day.
07:39I think I still have it.
07:40Well, I'd like to see that.
07:42For no other reason,
07:43I'd like to prove to these silly people
07:45that make size 25 pants...
07:4733.
07:48Well, whatever they are.
07:49You just give me the diet,
07:50and by golly, I'll show you what willpower can do.
07:53I'll stay on the diet
07:54until these darn silly pants fit me.
07:57Poor Pop.
07:58What do you mean, poor Pop?
08:00I think he's going to lose all his buttons.
08:10Oh, dear boy.
08:15Okay, coming.
08:22Oh, hello, sir.
08:24Oh, hello, Mr. Miller.
08:26Hi, Mr. Miller.
08:27Oh, did I interrupt your game or something?
08:29No, no, no, I was just pushing up in there.
08:31I have a delivery for the Thornberries,
08:33and I thought I might drop it off
08:34on my way home from work,
08:35but I guess they're out.
08:37Oh, oh, yeah, I see.
08:38I wonder if I might leave it with you.
08:40Oh, sure, glad to take it.
08:41Mrs. Thornberry's kind of anxious to get those pills.
08:43Well, I hope nobody's sick over there.
08:45Oh, no, no, goodness, no, no.
08:47Those are reducing pills.
08:48Quite the thing nowadays.
08:50Reducing pills, huh?
08:51Yeah, you take two before each meal,
08:52and they cut your appetite.
08:54A wonderful thing for people who try and lose weight.
08:56Oh.
08:57You sell these at the drugstore?
08:59Oh, sure, sure.
09:00Oh, but you wouldn't be interested
09:02in anything like that, Mr. Nelson.
09:03Those are for people who are overweight.
09:05Well, I don't know.
09:06I've been putting on a few pounds recently.
09:09Oh, Mr. Thornberry's just pulling into the driveway.
09:12Say, I can give him those myself.
09:14Thanks, just the same, Mr. Nelson.
09:15Okay, sit yourself.
09:16Yeah, bye-bye.
09:17Bye-bye, Mr. Miller.
09:23What are you laughing at, Bob?
09:25I just think of that Mr. Thornberry.
09:26He sure is a crafty character.
09:29Well, what'd he do?
09:31I just found out his little secret.
09:33He was over here a while ago
09:34boasting about the terrific shape he's in.
09:36I just found out he's been taking pills for his appetite.
09:39Oh, Mom got a bottle of those from Dr. Brenner.
09:42Oh, really?
09:43I didn't know he had any of those around the house.
09:45Yeah, they're out in the kitchen.
09:46You want me to get them for you?
09:47Yeah, I think maybe I would like to see what they look like.
09:50Oh, and Rick, bring me back a glass of water.
09:53I may even try one of those myself.
09:55I don't think you better do that, Pop.
09:57Mom didn't get them for you.
09:58Well, I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind if I borrowed one.
10:02Well, okay.
10:11What are you doing?
10:12Pop wants to take a couple of my appetite pills.
10:15What for? I thought he was trying to lose weight.
10:17Pop just said to get the pills, so I'm getting the pills.
10:19Well, I don't get it. Those are supposed to make you eat more.
10:22Maybe he just wants to test his willpower.
10:27Here you are, Pop.
10:29Oh, thanks a lot, Rick.
10:31Now, how many of these are you supposed to take?
10:34One before each meal.
10:38I think maybe I'll take two.
10:40You're only supposed to take one.
10:43Yeah, but I want to make sure they work.
10:50How do you feel?
10:51Oh, fine. It takes a while for them to take effect, you see.
10:54Take these back to the kitchen now?
10:55Yes, sir.
10:56Thanks a lot.
10:58What are you eating?
11:00Cookies.
11:03Cookies?
11:04Yeah.
11:05Oh, I see.
11:06Well, I have to go.
11:07Okay.
11:08See you later.
11:09Bye.
11:10Bye.
11:11Bye.
11:12Bye.
11:13Bye.
11:14Bye.
11:15Bye.
11:16Bye.
11:17Bye.
11:18Bye.
11:19Bye.
11:20Bye.
11:21Bye.
11:22Bye.
11:23Bye.
11:24Bye.
11:25Bye.
11:26Bye.
11:33What kind of cookies?
11:35Tollhouse.
11:36You know, the kind that Mom makes with the chocolate chips.
11:38Yes, yes.
11:39Aunt Elise.
11:47For goodness sakes, Rick, do you have to make so much noise?
11:49I'm sorry, Pop.
11:51You shouldn't be eating cookies now, anyway.
11:53Right before dinner you'll spoil your appetite.
11:55Not me boy. I'm always hungry. Besides, Dr. Brown said I'm supposed to eat a lot.
12:00Yes, but not cookies. You're supposed to eat solid food. You're supposed to eat meat and vegetables and potatoes with gravy on them.
12:10Can you pass the carrot, please, David? Oh, sure, Pop. Thank you.
12:24Oh boy, cream chicken. That's my favorite. Me too. Oh, meats. Am I allowed to have some of this on my diet, Harriet?
12:33Oh, I'm afraid not, dear. It's not on your menu. You do have a delicious dinner coming right up, though.
12:49Oh, God, I thought cream chicken was supposed to be good for you.
13:18All right, dear. Dig in. What the heck is this? Well, you're only allowed 500 calories for dinner. I'm sorry, dear, but this diet was your idea.
13:40Well, I know, but holy smokes, you could drop this in your eye.
13:52See, Pop, those cookies didn't spoil my appetite at all.
13:57Yes, yes, so I noticed. Good for you. Don't have to make a glutton out of yourself, however.
14:04The way the boy's eating, you'd think somebody's going to steal the food away from him.
14:08Oh, dear, this is a little tough for you to watch. Why don't you take your dinner and go into the den with it?
14:13Yeah, I think that's a good idea. They say the first couple of days of these diets are the toughest.
14:17I'll bring you dessert in there when you're finished.
14:20Oh, do I get dessert on this menu?
14:22Oh, well, certainly. This is a very well-balanced menu.
14:25Oh, fine. I'll bet this isn't going to be so bad after all. Pass the biscuits, will you, Rick?
14:42Don't forget to include a few bottles of our famous barbecue sauce on your shopping list.
14:48Mmm, nothing else gives the meat such a wonderful, tangy...
14:53Can't you just taste that rich, creamy frosting and the light, fluffy, delicious flavor?
15:00Doesn't that look...
15:02And juicy, fresh peaches?
15:18Hey, what do you got there?
15:20Strawberry shortcake. Mom just made it for dessert.
15:22Oh, boy! Well, this is what I call really a sensible diet.
15:26Here's your dessert, dear. I hope you like it.
15:28Oh, I love strawberries.
15:30Well, what is this?
15:33Stewed prunes.
15:37Three stewed prunes for dessert?
15:40Well, you can have a little lemon juice on them, too.
15:42Who ever heard of stewed prunes for dessert?
15:45Excuse me, Pop.
15:47The strawberries...
15:49Good evening, health lovers. Once again, it's time for the Sunshine Club,
15:53the happiest half hour on television.
15:56I'm here tonight to talk to you about prunes.
15:59The prune itself may be wrinkled, but better the wrinkles on the prune than you.
16:06The prune itself may be wrinkled, but better the wrinkles on the prune than you.
16:13It's nature's own vitamin pill.
16:20Hi, Pop. Aren't you gonna come down to breakfast?
16:22Oh, good morning, Rick. I've already had my breakfast.
16:25It was swell, huh?
16:27What did you have?
16:29Waffles, toast, sausage and jam. What'd you have?
16:33Three more prunes and a cup of yogurt.
16:36Incidentally, you'd better tell your mother to get her money back on these appetite pills.
16:41I took three of them before breakfast and I'm practically starved.
16:45They work for me, okay.
16:47You're not supposed to take these. We want you to eat more.
16:50I have been eating. Boy, those pills sure build up your appetite.
16:53No, no, no, no. These pills take your appetite away.
16:56Who ever told you they build it up?
16:58Dr. Brown.
17:00Dr. Brown?
17:02Wait a minute. You mean to say these are really appetite pills?
17:05Sure.
17:06Well, no wonder I've been starving.
17:08I've been taking these darn things like crazy.
17:10I don't think I'll even last through until lunchtime.
17:13Why are you on this diet anyway, Pop?
17:15All because of these darn pants.
17:18Well, can you get into them yet?
17:20I don't know. I haven't tried them on this morning.
17:23Why don't you try them on?
17:25Maybe you lost enough weight yesterday.
17:27If they fit you, you can go off the diet.
17:29In some way, I've just been thinking of an idea that I think is even better.
17:33Why don't you take these pants down to the store
17:36and exchange them for pants one size larger?
17:39Then they'll surely fit me.
17:41Hey, that's a neat idea.
17:43Remember now, this is a little secret just between you and me.
17:46We don't tell your mother or David anything about it, okay?
17:48Oh, sure.
17:49Just a second.
17:50Oh, that's okay, Pop. I won't tell anybody.
17:52No, no, it isn't.
17:53Stop off at the drugstore and get two quarts of chocolate ice cream.
17:57Oh, boy!
17:58Just a second, Rick.
18:02Better make that three quarts.
18:03Maybe you and David will like some, too.
18:13Well, hi. Where have you been?
18:15Oh, just outside for a while.
18:17Is lunch almost ready?
18:18In a few minutes.
18:19Would you like to hear your menu for today?
18:21Oh, yes, I would.
18:22Well, you have two choices.
18:24A cucumber sandwich on rye bread.
18:26I'll take the second choice.
18:28A cucumber sandwich on whole wheat.
18:32Well, as a matter of fact, I'll probably be off the diet entirely today anyway.
18:36How so?
18:37Well, why did I go on this diet in the first place?
18:40You mean you don't know either?
18:42Of course I do.
18:43I'll tell you why.
18:44You brought home a pair of size 26 pants, right?
18:47Size 33.
18:48Well, 33 pants.
18:50I tried them on. They didn't fit.
18:52In other words, the pants are my gauge.
18:54As soon as these pants fit me, I go off the diet, right?
18:57Right. Why don't you try them on?
18:59That's exactly what I had in mind.
19:01Let's see now. I left them, uh...
19:04The hall closet.
19:05In the hall closet. That's right.
19:07And don't be surprised if this time they fit me like a glove.
19:10That's the way they fit you the time before.
19:12Let's see if they fit you like a pair of pants this time.
19:16David, I'll bet you're quartered at the pants fit part now.
19:19I bet they will, too.
19:21Well, you know, it's surprising, but your father really seems to have lost weight.
19:25Yeah, it sure is. And just in one day, too.
19:27Okay, then I'll bet you 15 cents.
19:29I think they'll fit him, too.
19:31Then 10.
19:33I think they'll fit him. There's no bet.
19:35I agree with you.
19:37Okay, then let's make it five.
19:39And that's almost my last offer.
19:41Holy smokes!
19:43What's the matter?
19:45Just a second, and I'll show you.
19:48Will you take a look at these?
19:51Oh, no.
19:52There's enough room in there for me, too.
19:54Well, yeah, they're size 34, and they fit me like a barrel.
19:57Well, 34? The pants I bought for you were size 33.
20:01Oh, yes, that's what I meant to say, 33.
20:05I don't know what made me say 34.
20:07Well, it doesn't make any difference.
20:09Ozzie?
20:11Yes, dear?
20:12Do you have something you'd like to tell us?
20:15No, I don't think I'd like to tell you,
20:19but I guess maybe you'd find out about it anyway.
20:23See, Ricky came up with a marvelous idea.
20:26Oh, me?
20:28Well, no, it was my idea, but...
20:35Why not have Ricky go down to the store
20:38and change the pants for one size larger?
20:41But I...
20:44Well, honestly, I did it for you, dear,
20:46because this dieting of mine has been terribly rugged on you.
20:49I mean, it's rearranged the entire household.
20:52You've had to have two menus.
20:53Oh, I don't mind.
20:55You don't?
20:56Well, I do.
20:58This has made me awful unhappy, Harriet,
21:00and I know that when I'm unhappy, you're unhappy,
21:04and I like to have you happy.
21:06Well, that's very thoughtful of you, dear.
21:09Well, you know, it's amazing.
21:10Even for a size 34, look at these things.
21:13They fit me like a tent.
21:14I know, it really is amazing.
21:16And the wonderful part of it is,
21:17I've only been on the diet for one day.
21:20Gee, you know, I think, really,
21:22I could fit into those original pants.
21:26What's this?
21:28Size 36 banjo seat model.
21:33You could get a size 34.
21:35I did, 34.
21:37Well, where did these pants come from?
21:40I think I'll go outside for a while.
21:43Well, gee, Pop, I got to feeling awful sorry for you.
21:46You always look so hungry and unhappy.
21:49Oh, so you went downtown to exchange the pants, too?
21:52Yes, sir.
21:53But there really must be something wrong with those pants,
21:55because the man said there's been a lot of people
21:57exchanging them today.
21:58There was a little boy, some lady, and me, he said.
22:04But see now, we know the little boy was Ricky,
22:07and we know you exchanged them.
22:09Yeah, but who was the lady?
22:12I have a hunch that was no lady.
22:15I think I'll go outside with you.
22:19Now, don't explain, dear.
22:20You just had no confidence in your old man.
22:23No, no, really, dear, it wasn't that.
22:25Well, as a matter of fact,
22:27I think I've taken off so much weight in the waist
22:29that I could fit into those other pants you bought me.
22:31Well, I bet you could, too.
22:33I'll guarantee it.
22:35But let's not take a chance, shall we,
22:37because these feel fine.
22:39They look a little big, though, Pop.
22:41Well, yes, they do now, David,
22:43but after that lunch I'm going to put away,
22:45believe me, they'll fit perfectly.
22:57Oh, come on in, Thorny.
23:00Hi, Oz.
23:01Hi, boy.
23:02Take a look at this old boy.
23:03I won the contest.
23:04What contest is that?
23:05Well, between Katherine and me.
23:07You know, who'd get the most unsolicited compliments
23:08about losing weight?
23:09Oh, well, congratulations.
23:12Only thing, though, I happen to know how you won it,
23:14you old faker, you.
23:16Hey, wait a minute.
23:18How'd you find out?
23:19Oh, don't worry, I get around.
23:22Pretty sneaky, if you ask me.
23:24Oh, now, look, Oz, you won't tell anyone.
23:26This could ruin me at the men's club.
23:28Well, I don't see why.
23:29A lot of people are using them nowadays.
23:31Well, maybe so,
23:32but you've got to promise not to tell anybody.
23:34Well, maybe so,
23:35but you've got to promise not to tell anybody.
23:37I'd take an awful razzing.
23:39Well, okay, I promise.
23:41Now that I see you sitting down, though,
23:43I seem to detect a slight bulge around the waistline there.
23:46Well, naturally.
23:47After I won the contest, I took the darn thing off.
23:52The girdle.
23:53Boy, it was killing me.
23:54Girdle?
23:55You mean you've been wearing a girdle?
23:57Oh, Oz, you said you knew.
23:59Well, I thought you were taking reducing pills.
24:01Oh, Oz, that's a low-down, mean, nasty trick.
24:05Now, remember, you promised not to tell anybody.
24:07Well, I don't know.
24:08This is a pretty choice morsel of news.
24:13Well, okay, I'll keep your terrible secret.
24:16Okay.
24:20Well, I guess we'll be running long, Oz.
24:21Lunch is probably ready.
24:22Okay, Thorney.
24:25Hey, wait a minute.
24:26What are you all getting so funny for?
24:27What?
24:29I keep forgetting I'm not wearing a darn thing anymore.
24:33Oh, God.
24:57Hey, lunch is ready.
24:58Oh, Harriet, well, I was just going upstairs to get lunch.
25:01I was just going upstairs for a moment.
25:03Why don't you wash your hands down here?
25:06Well, I wasn't thinking of that exactly.
25:08I was just...
25:11Oh, never mind.
25:12Even if you did have one, it'd never fit me.
25:31Oh, my God.
26:01Oh, my God.