Bad Thoughts - Season 1
#CinemaJourney
#CinemaJourney
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00:00The pillows here are great.
00:11I know.
00:12I looked them up in their blend of memory foam and microfiber.
00:16Those pillows?
00:17Yeah, I really like the pillows too.
00:19I slept good.
00:21Yeah, I slept very well.
00:23I slept like a homo.
00:25You know, I think I'm going to get that chicken parm tonight.
00:29Mm-hmm.
00:30I'm sorry, Barry.
00:30What did you just say?
00:32Uh, chicken parm.
00:33Chicken parmesan.
00:34Hmm.
00:35Yeah, it's an Italian dish.
00:37You slept like what?
00:39Oh, like a homo.
00:40Yeah, just an expression.
00:43No, it isn't.
00:44And it's offensive.
00:46It's just something that people say, you know?
00:48Like, uh, it takes two to tango or it's raining cats and dogs.
00:52Oh, he runs like a deer because he's really fast.
00:54Yeah.
00:55Those are called idioms, and that's not like anything you just said.
00:58Yeah, it is.
01:03Oh, you know what?
01:04My cousin, he went parasailing once, and he said that if you have to go to the bathroom
01:08up there, you just go.
01:10They don't care because you can't come down.
01:12I don't think it would make it weird, probably ramble if you wouldn't even be able to see
01:15it.
01:15All right, everybody.
01:16Let's get started, okay?
01:17We got a really productive and fun-filled weekend ahead of us here.
01:21I got a close-up magician coming in.
01:23Guy I met on a plane.
01:24He's got to have some tricks to just blow your mind.
01:27But before we get started, I unfortunately have some upsetting news.
01:34Barry.
01:36I hate to do this in front of everybody, but it came to my attention that you said something
01:41that was wildly inappropriate and offensive, and we need to send you home.
01:46What?
01:49What happened?
01:50He said he slept like a homo.
01:53Yeah, I slept like a homo.
01:55Barry!
01:56Sorry, homosexual?
01:58I just said something that's factually correct.
02:01Barry.
02:01True.
02:02That's not a phrase that you can say.
02:03Well, but it's true.
02:04You know, I was just really tired, and I just slept that way.
02:09But it doesn't make any sense.
02:11Okay, well, just think about it.
02:16You know, it's physically exhausting.
02:20Pounding or getting pounded in your anus, that wears you out.
02:24Way more than vaginal sex.
02:26Barry, did that...
02:27It's true.
02:27There's no doubt about it.
02:29Imagine, you're getting plumbob real deep and hard.
02:34When your partner is about ready to pull out, it might hurt a lot.
02:37So you got all this anxiety building up, and then the relief.
02:42After they come out of you, oh, that release of stress.
02:48That makes you tired, man.
02:51That's exhausting.
02:53That's all I'm saying.
02:54Last night, I just got that real good deep sleep.
02:58Like a gay guy.
03:02Barry.
03:04Just go home.
03:08Wow.
03:08Wait.
03:19Can't let you fire him, Dave.
03:21Why?
03:23Because he's right.
03:26And how would you know that, Phil?
03:29Because I'm gay.
03:31No way.
03:33I am.
03:34And every single thing that Barry said is true.
03:37I wondered why you were uninterested in us.
03:40Well, it's really your personality, Mary.
03:42But, yeah, I'm gay.
03:45Hey, uh, that, uh, anal stuff.
03:47Was he making that up?
03:49No, Butch.
03:50The anal stuff's all true.
03:51No shit.
03:52It's so tiring.
03:54Believe me.
03:56And you do sleep way better after.
03:58Huh.
04:00I've missed work from doing it.
04:02You weren't sick last week.
04:05No, I went to the RNC.
04:07Anal sex doesn't make me tired.
04:09Was it gay anal?
04:10No.
04:11There you go.
04:14Hmm.
04:16Phil makes some important points there, right?
04:18I mean, I certainly didn't know that was a true statement.
04:21It is.
04:22In fact, it might be the truest statement I've ever heard.
04:25I certainly feel like I got my exercise jumping to conclusions today.
04:39But, you know, we all learned something now, today.
04:41And that's why we do these retreats, right?
04:45Barry, please, sit back down.
04:51Hmm.
04:53Yeah.
04:54I'm sorry, Barry.
04:57I was wrong.
04:58Oh, it's fine.
04:59May all of us sleep like a homo tonight.
05:02Huh?
05:03Yeah.
05:03He knows.
05:04They're here.
05:05I know.
05:06I do.
05:06They're here.
05:07I know.
05:08I do.
05:09I'm glad we're past that.
05:10Because I have to shit like a Jew.
05:12You're a fucking terrible person.
05:14Health.
05:22There are so many things you have to do to master it.
05:25Some people eat right.
05:27Some people do yoga.
05:29And for some people, the only way they can function is to experience the nonstop laughter
05:34of millions of fans, knowing it could all go away at any moment.
05:39Oh, my God.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:54He's got a gun.
05:57Oh, my God.
05:59No!
06:00Tom.
06:01Put the gun down.
06:04Tom, don't do it!
06:05Hello?
06:11My show got renewed.
06:14We each approach being healthy in unique ways.
06:18But some of us are given genetic gifts the rest of us could only dream about.
06:22But what if you could have it all?
06:27Heart muscles can become excessively thick.
06:30Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy can lead to some very serious complications.
06:35Like atrial fibrillation.
06:37Which is, um...
06:38Start your fitness journey today.
06:40Hold on.
06:42I, um...
06:43Uh...
06:44I was gonna...
06:45Try to join a gym.
06:46No.
06:46Show us your abs.
06:48Okay.
06:49We're all dismissed.
06:51You guys have a good week, okay?
06:53It's gonna take more than a gym.
06:56Okay, great.
06:56Thank you very much.
07:07At the end of the night, we're like 15 people in the hot tub.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Anyway.
07:11Hey, can I help you?
07:14This is the gym.
07:17Sorry, I, uh, just wanted the website just filling out a thing.
07:20Mr. Hale?
07:21Yes?
07:22Got you down for a 315 tour.
07:24This is our membership pamphlet.
07:26It's got all the rules, regulations.
07:27You're gonna want to read that, okay?
07:29Yeah, I just, I always kind of find a way to talk myself out of these things.
07:33Well, not today, my friend.
07:35Listen, let's get your signature on that.
07:37It's a one-year commitment, but try not to think of it as a commitment to a gym, but a commitment
07:42to yourself.
07:43You know what I mean?
07:44Bro?
07:52Hmm?
07:53You good?
07:56Yeah.
07:57Yes.
07:58All right, welcome to the party.
08:01Let's get you your pre-workout shot.
08:03Oh.
08:04I'm good.
08:06Take the shot.
08:09Grippin' dip it.
08:12Mm-mm-mm.
08:14All right.
08:15Day one of the new you.
08:17We've got your rollers, runners, herbs.
08:20We've got your salt bikes.
08:22One more, Eduardo.
08:24Nah, I'm just fucking with you, man.
08:25We've got new, uh, high bars.
08:26Yeah, it's great form, man.
08:28Keep it up.
08:29And this is the locker room.
08:31Take any one that's free.
08:33Okay, cool.
08:34So how'd you hear about us?
08:36Uh, it was actually on a Reddit thread.
08:37Uh, and...
08:38What's up, man?
08:39All right, good to see you.
08:42People were, uh...
08:43They were raving about it.
08:47Yeah, our fans, they go hard.
08:49Yeah.
08:50Dude.
08:51Yeah, he's a good guy.
08:53Well, shower us through there.
08:54If you got any questions, I'll be out front, all right?
08:55You're gonna love it.
08:56Just get hardcore.
08:58Let's do it.
08:58Let's do it.
08:59Let's do it.
09:31Here, here, here. I got you, bro.
09:40Dude, what the fuck?
09:43That was good. I was just trying to help.
09:45That's a weird, weird way you help.
09:47Weird? Yeah. You didn't think that was weird?
09:51I'm sorry, man. Everything good, bro?
09:54You know, I just, I don't think I fit in here.
09:58Okay?
10:01You guys do your own, whatever that was.
10:16What the fuck?
10:19Nice hammer.
10:21Thanks.
10:22First day?
10:24Yeah.
10:25Yeah. First day is the craziest.
10:29How?
10:29Well, either your dad's secretariat or you took something.
10:35Shot.
10:37What was it?
10:38Yeah. I don't know.
10:39But it does that.
10:40Dude, welcome back.
11:00What's up, chief?
11:03Oh, my God.
11:20My man.
11:21And in the words of the great Jonah Salk,
11:28the reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
11:36Yes! Yes!
11:38Yes! Yes!
11:41Oh, you satisfy me in every way.
11:43Son.
11:45Ah!
11:53Ah!
11:54Ah! Yes! Yes!
11:57Ow! Ow!
11:58Stop!
11:59Oh, what happened?
12:00Oh!
12:01I guess my eyes were bigger than my pussy.
12:03Fucking Dexilla's trying to split me in half.
12:06No thanks.
12:07In all my years of teaching,
12:28I've never had a less impressive group of students.
12:32It's not like you're going to end up being doctors, you know.
12:36You're just going to end up being doctors, come on.
12:38That's why I'm teaching you a class.
12:40These are my students.
12:45Hey, what's up, chief?
13:06How's up, chief?
13:08Uh...
13:22I'm sorry.
13:25hey what's up man
13:38look at this shit oh is it is it too much i'd say so well you kept taking the shots
13:48i thought i was supposed to you were at the pamphlet pamphlet yeah day one pamphlet you
13:54know explains what can happen you don't think maybe this deserves more than a pamphlet fix
14:00it we can fix it all right just calm down go to the back hallway there's a door of our
14:08staff okay they can help you best of luck
14:15so
14:22so
14:27i said you could fix this
14:48very funny
14:57well you're not gonna laugh you want me to hack my dick off no you want to hack your dick off
15:05i'm giving you the tool to do it what kind of solution is that how many shots did you take
15:12maybe 20 god damn you took maybe 20 shots to make your wee wee grow and now it's too much so
15:22you want it to go away how do you think that happens does it you know does it look normal
15:28after that hell no looks like somebody hacked your dick off well then i don't want to do it
15:33okay wait wait wait have other people done it
15:40have other people done it
15:42that's so many dicks
15:50do it man
15:58do it man
16:11do it now
16:15do it come on
16:16what are you waiting for
16:18cut it off
16:23cut it off
16:34i talk myself out of these things
16:36i talk myself out of these things
16:37i talk myself out of these things
16:39i always find a way to talk myself out of these things
16:47bro
16:49huh
16:51you good
16:55fuck yes dude
16:57all right
17:02ah thirsty boy
17:03mm-hmm
17:04let's get this shit started
17:06and then it's time to dance
17:19i
17:21m-e-t-o-d
17:23i
17:36m-e-t-o-d
17:37you
17:50you
17:51you
17:52you