Bad Thoughts - Season 1 Episode 5
#CinemaJourney
#CinemaJourney
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FunTranscript
00:00pilot sex shit what the fuck anyway we need you to land the plane what you said you speak spanish
00:15so does the air traffic controller headphones sit down okay that one okay good luck ma'am
00:231723 me copias si esto es 1723 dios mÃo no soy piloto no te preocupes todo va a estar bien mi nombre es
00:42josé y entiendo que los pilotos están incapacitados
00:47si no te preocupes yo te voy a guiar ok respiremos
00:56a ver cuál es tu nombre me llamo tom que tom mucho gusto quiero que jales la palanca que
01:02dice trotter tú sÃ
01:07y que agarres el yugo ahora vas a mover ese yugo suavemente para que yo vea cómo se está moviendo
01:13el avión ok sà jose se está moviendo el avión un poquito yo sé que nunca has filoteado un avión
01:22antes pero le estás haciendo muy muy bien vamos a estar bien tengo mucho miedo es que en este momento
01:30siento que voy a tener una diarrea terrible mucha gente le da diarrea del avión no te preocupes
01:38asà es la verdad wow y a qué te dedicas tom lo gracioso es que soy un comediante wow tom el comediante
01:46mucho gusto y cuál es tu pedido a lo mejor te conozco eh bueno mi apellido es segura
01:55tom segura asà es ah sà he oÃdo de ti asÃ
02:02tu comedi es no muy bien cabrón pero tú hablas inglés no tom segura
02:08tengo un hermano que tiene Down Syndrome y te gusta decir que las personas son retardos
02:13look man i'm sorry if i ever said something that was offensive like that like i use it
02:19to describe like a friend doing something silly you know like my brother no of course not what i'm
02:26saying is like sometimes you know like your friend does something dumb you know what i mean like pulls
02:32his dick out at a wedding reception you're like you know no no i do not know actually jose can we
02:39please put my dumb career choices aside and just help with this real life threatening issue jose
02:46hey oh you want help yeah sure here we go oh my god dude please this is going down so fast
02:53i'm sorry that i've said stupid offensive things that are reckless i say things on stage sometimes
02:57to get a laugh that's not who i am as a person okay so what you say at work you don't really mean
03:04exactly jose yes oh okay i understand now you see that red button that's next to the altitude
03:10yeah push it
03:18am i supposed to really push it or are you just making a point i don't know
03:21i'm at work right now what do you say about people at work are you kidding me
03:33words matter okay goodbye
03:40what do you say about your birthday you know what do you say about your birthday
03:44jose jose jose please what do i do oh
03:50shit tom are you still there oh my god thank god i wanted to say bro i love your podcast
03:56what okay ciao license oh my god yes i'm here the one with your wife not the other one
04:06it's the other one it's hard to listen to
04:15oh fuck this is diego a pilot from argentina was sitting in economy
04:21oh my god oh my god you're a fucking pilot
04:24you really became a pilot today huh
04:32i was such a dear
04:46so we have uh about three hours left on the flight you can make the most of it
04:55whoa dude what are you doing what you're doing let's get to the fucking huh bro what
05:03i'm going back to my seat man you sure yeah pilots are fucking kinky fucks man you're really
05:10gonna leave okay all right let's do it okay teach me how to fly man
05:40okay
05:49communication is fascinating it's not just language or speaking it's about conveying how you feel
05:55what you're thinking the joy you're experiencing
05:57and who are some of our best communicators
06:04dolphins
06:0690s oprah
06:08politicians
06:10i mean look at this guy he's got them all fired up
06:15so i hope you enjoy these stories about communication
06:18if you don't how do i say this
06:25yeah that works
06:27whoa do i speak sign language i totally understood that
06:31so this is burbank california
06:38pretty neat huh it's real neat definitely a far cry from boise that's for sure you know who i read
06:44comes here jay leno what do you think about that huh parks his hot rod right out there and he comes
06:51here that is really cool you're right dad that is really cool yeah it's really cool i'm sorry i literally
07:00never do this but i just had to come up and say that you last week was so fun
07:05i'm sorry what
07:06so fun enjoy your meal i have no idea who that was
07:14yes you do i knew it what i'm not gay dad this is gonna kill your mother i mean come on i dated
07:22jill for like two years welcome to darwin's i'm donovan and i'll be taking care of
07:27oh shit i turned this boy's pussy inside out last night what are you talking about all gas
07:34no breaks raw honey look there's that little slut we made prolapse he was gagging on my balls
07:41it was pathetic yo bro i fingerfuck you too why is everyone saying they me because we did in that game
07:55is that me it's actually a pretty cool story there's a passion project this i.t guy
08:02developed the game in this basement we don't want to make like a billion dollars off it it's inspiring
08:10smilers
08:17hey hey make that face you do that
08:21welcome to the property welcome to the property
08:32i think we need to talk come on in bud
09:00so
09:06did you make a video game where aliens fuck me
09:10i made a very successful video game called aliens fuck humans not sure what that has to do with you
09:17what the are you talking about look this is clearly me
09:22no okay well then what is this an afh cooler collab the human in the game looks exactly like me
09:36i don't see the resemblance take the fucking game down hey whoa whoa are you mad you wanna
09:45fucking play games you want to play games you want to play games oh hey hey man stop stop stop stop
09:49get your fucking heaven that's 11 million dollars jesus stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
09:55fuck yes god damn the human in the game is modeled after you yeah no
10:04shit i'm sorry i'm sorry why would you put me in this game man i don't know i guess you just kind of have
10:10a fuck that guy kind of face you know but i didn't know the game was gonna blow up the way it did
10:17and looking back i definitely should not have used you in it so you'll take the game down
10:23no it's impossible there's hard copies everywhere but i have been developing a new game aliens
10:32fuck humans 4 and in this new game you do not get fucked by aliens you're actually the hero
10:40i'll cut you in on a piece of the action 50 50 split you'll be rich as
10:46shit and i'm not going to be getting fucked by aliens in the new game no
10:58let me show you afh4 is the future of vr gaming it's the first of its kind to use real-time neural
11:06imaging of the user's brain to create the most realistic experiences possible what does that even
11:12mean well it means you're now the co-owner of this kick-ass breakthrough tech partner try it out
11:42oh shit this feels so real it's pretty cool right is this my childhood home it is
11:57wow
12:02hello son dad
12:07happy birthday buddy would you like some cake
12:13why does the cake say happy birthday cheryl on it oh my god
12:23dude the thing just got real tight that's weird
12:29word on the street is you like cake
12:42go on have a slice the fuck is happening that's it i can't control my legs man you'll control your legs
12:50when you finish the cake
12:52this is this one because i wouldn't give you a piece of cake at cheryl's birthday party i don't know is it
13:02you know what the flavor of this cake is you know what the flavor of this cake is son
13:10cyrus it's papa flavor cyrus
13:12don't do this eat all the cake up yum yum yum you can eat it out of my ass
13:22if you like more kiwis mr cyrus
13:33No, I'm fine. Thank you, Magdalena.
13:35Oh, Dad!
13:36Did you want a juice?
13:38Papaya?
13:40Hmm.
13:41Cyrus!
13:41Actually, papaya sounds nice.
13:43Oh, no!
13:44Cyrus, please!
13:47Oh, Dad!
13:49This shit is amazing.
13:53Cyrus!
13:54Cyrus!
13:55Dad!
14:02Okay, we're gonna keep the bootstations at bay.
14:10They're gonna be showing up in about 15 minutes, probably.
14:16Hi, Tom.
14:18I'm Detective Jacobs.
14:20I know you've been through a lot.
14:23But when you're ready, I'm here to listen.
14:25Okay?
14:27Okay.
14:27I can take you through what happened.
14:34Um, I was waiting in line to buy a coffee, like I do every day.
14:40Hi, can I help you?
14:42Hi, can I have a large iced coffee?
14:45Sure, that'll be $3.45.
14:48Sorry, I just have a few, um, modifications.
14:53Okay.
14:53Large iced coffee, extra ice, please, and just a small splash of whole milk.
15:00Please.
15:02Still $3.45.
15:08Do you need to, uh...
15:09What?
15:11Type it in?
15:12No, I-I got it.
15:13We have a system.
15:14No, I know you got it.
15:16I wasn't trying to suggest that you couldn't remember that.
15:19I just meant, sometimes when it's not typed in, it's not, they don't see it.
15:24Okay.
15:25Iced coffee, extra ice, splash of whole milk.
15:29That is it.
15:29$3.45.
15:33Would you like to tip?
15:34Sure.
15:36How much?
15:37A dollar?
15:42Five seams, right?
15:46Next.
15:47Tom, iced coffee for Tom.
15:52With modifications.
15:54Jesus Christ.
15:59Sir, excuse me.
16:01Could we talk about this?
16:03Can I meet you down here?
16:06Excuse me.
16:07Hi.
16:08Will you please stand still?
16:10Uh, can you remake this?
16:12I'm a little busy, man.
16:13No, I know.
16:14I'm not trying to be rude.
16:15I promise.
16:16I just, uh, I can't drink this much milk.
16:19You know, I paid for it.
16:20So, could you just remake this with less milk, please?
16:26Less milk?
16:27Please.
16:27Yeah, man.
16:28I got you.
16:29Thanks.
16:32Now it's got less milk.
16:42I'm a professional barista.
16:50I know what a fucking splash is.
16:54Holy shit.
16:56Oh, my God.
16:56Get out of here.
16:57Get out of here.
16:58Get out of here.
17:00Get out of here.
17:03Oh, my God!
17:33i'm sorry tom are you saying you're the one who committed these gruesome acts of violence
17:42yeah
17:43and then you put the guy's hand in the blender
17:51you don't listen
17:56oh
18:03oh
18:05oh
18:08oh
18:11oh
18:14open up
18:15open your mouth
18:17open your mouth
18:20you got a system huh you got a system that works
18:23oh
18:26oh
18:29oh
18:30oh
18:32oh
18:34oh
18:36oh
18:41oh
18:42all right that's it you're under arrest
18:44oh no no sorry
18:46i actually
18:49i still have the receipt
18:52Oh yeah, it's a spash and milk right there.
18:57Sorry about that, sir.
18:59Yeah, you missed the first part of the story.
19:01Jinx, you owe me a Coke.
19:04How about a coffee?
19:10That's a good one.
19:11I am exhausted.
19:13You killed three people.
19:14I know. I've never done that.
19:18I don't know, you guys do it.
19:20Take it easy.
19:23Hey, little Hollywood
19:26You're gone, bud
19:28You're not forgot
19:29You got the cash once your credits don't burn
19:33You flipped the script and you shot the button
19:37I remember, I remember when your neon used to burn
19:41So bright and big, so bright and big
19:45Saturday night
19:48Kind of pink
19:50Hey!