King Of The Hill Season 2 Episode 19 Leanne's Saga
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00:00Music
00:06Music
00:10Music
00:17Music
00:26you know I am a substitute teacher I would be happy to substitute for your
00:41mama while she's in prison thanks Aunt Peggy but I don't think mama would want
00:47anyone to take her place unless they took her place in prison but I guess that's
00:55too much to ask we did good son it's beautiful we did it we finished making dad's new workbench
01:08look no splinters what should we build first son well how about a go-kart okay first we'll work out
01:18the design flaws of your go-kart by building a TV cabinet oh I knew it I just knew it I told them
01:32medium security would not be enough to hold that woman oh she didn't escape she was released
01:39she's coming to visit on Saturday uh she's coming here oh I can't wait to tell daddy oh we're gonna
01:49be a family again I will tongue kiss bill before I let that tramp in my house whoa yeah I was all set
02:01to start on a TV cabinet on Saturday but it's gonna have to wait a day Luanne's mama's coming to visit
02:09that woman is a menace to society well I don't know I never met the lady but she did her time
02:18I tell you what man ain't no dang old lady about her man they're getting old licked up man I'm coming
02:23on strong up paw me like a dang old animal man I'll tell them no means no yeah Leanne's bad news I tell
02:30you what Peggy's brother was all set to marry a pretty pharmacist gal until Leanne entertained at
02:37his bachelor party so he marries Leanne and after 18 years of drunken hell she stabs him with a fork
02:47hmm
02:47oh my foot I think it's broken oh well if it's broken you're gonna have to get that shoe off
02:59no no no no I I feel better now I'm I'm just gonna go on home don't be silly just let me
03:08don't look at me don't look at me
03:14I never thought I'd say this but I don't think I can finish my beer
03:20it's some kind of athlete's foot I've been using this spray for 10 years quick work in my ass what
03:29did the doctor say well the only person I ever showed my toes to was my ex-wife she used them
03:36against me in the divorce you don't have to be embarrassed about your toes bill it's just a
03:42medical condition sure that's what you say but I don't see you waving your narrow urethra around for
03:49everyone to see
03:50daddy give her another chance
03:55okay
03:58we're never gonna be a family again aunt Peggy
04:03he won't forgive mama
04:05honey marriage is about trust and she well she betrayed him it was like a knife in his heart when
04:14she stuck that fork in his back that was an old mama see the new mama quit drinking but she won't
04:20even eat with a fork oh Luanne I am just so proud of everything you've accomplished since we took you in
04:27you're in school you've got a righteous christian puppet show you're always so very clean I just do not
04:35want you to get distracted and and lose your way honey
04:38oh you don't have to worry about me aunt Peggy that's my mama's job
04:44don't make any sudden moves don't look her in the eye and if I give you this signal
04:53run to Dale's house and stay there till I say it's safe
04:59she's here
05:03mama
05:08Lulu
05:11oh my sweet baby girlfriend
05:15thanks for the lift Alicia
05:21all right then
05:25it's the hill family
05:31Leanne
05:33how very nice to see you
05:35oh you have such a lovely home here
05:39of course if somebody turned on a fire hose it would all be ruined
05:43yeah
05:48so do you have a job
05:52no
05:53no
05:54and Lulu said the trailer's wrecked so I guess I'm currently unresidented
06:00why don't you stay here Bobby
06:13wouldn't you be more comfortable in some kind of a halfway house or institution
06:24please I'll clean up after her
06:27that's okay Lulu I am so sorry for all the grief I caused you when I was drinking I am walking with the Lord now and I know I have found his forgiveness I just hope I will find yours someday well we'll let you know oh mama I love you so much I love you too baby doll
06:53oh
06:55we're getting apart my mama I quit school and I'll get a job baby you mean it
07:02okay then
07:03whoa whoa whoa you will not quit school
07:06Leanne you can stay here until you find a job to support yourself
07:11oh bless you Paige I won't even stay in the house I'll sleep in the garage
07:16what no my workbench
07:18you can't stay out there
07:20I'll fix that real nice for you mama
07:22thank you
07:23thank you
07:24well
07:26what choice did we have
07:28Dr. Escamilla
07:30Dr. Escamilla
07:31Dr. Escamilla
07:33please come to x-ray
07:35Norman Schwarzkopf
07:36uh
07:37yep
07:38okay Norman you have a common toe fungus
07:42just take one of these pills every day and you'll be good as new
07:46I've been living with this nightmare for 10 years and all I gotta do take these pills
07:51yeah that's right now you've gotta take them on a full stomach
07:55Can do
07:57And absolutely no alcohol.
08:05Hmm.
08:08How long is she going to stay here?
08:10I am sick and tired of scrambling around to find nutritious meals that do not require a fork.
08:18Hey, Leanne, how's that job search coming along?
08:23Not so good.
08:24My best reference just went in for chemical castration.
08:29Mama, I want you to meet my Buckley.
08:35Go on, like we practiced.
08:40Hey.
08:42Wow, he's just gorgeous.
08:45I feel these muscles.
08:48I gotta go.
08:51Thanks for the ride.
08:54Buck.
08:56Twin dresses.
08:58I got them for us to wear to our very first mother-daughter makeover night at the beauty academy.
09:04I will meet you there after your classes tonight.
09:08I'm going to go shower and shave right now.
09:10Close the door this time.
09:15Yep.
09:16Yep.
09:18Yep.
09:20Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
09:21What a great day, huh?
09:22What a great day to be alive.
09:24Hey, who wants to play some hacky sack?
09:27I do.
09:27I'll start.
09:29You're a hack.
09:30Oh, did you see that over there?
09:36Where did it go?
09:37Oh, there it is.
09:38I got it.
09:38Bill, we're all really happy that your toe fungus died, but we don't want to look at your feet
09:45every five minutes, okay?
09:58Hmm.
09:59Ow!
10:00I, I'm, I'm sorry.
10:01Well, hi.
10:03You must be Luanne's mama, huh?
10:06That's funny.
10:07Most people think me and Lily are sisters.
10:10Would you do me?
10:12How?
10:13Well, don't be shy.
10:15I'm running late.
10:21Bear, you know how long it's been since I had a drink?
10:27391 days.
10:28I've been sober the whole time.
10:33Well, help yourself.
10:35I was just going to surprise Hank and leave him in his fridge.
10:38I'm not allowed to have any alcohol doctor's orders.
10:42Me either.
10:44Court orders.
10:45I can't be around any of my old friends because all they do is drink.
10:50Mine too.
10:51I guess you and me are just going to have to make new friends, huh?
10:56Hmm.
10:58Ow!
11:08Miss Platter, where is this mother you've been going on and on about?
11:14Oh, she's on her way.
11:16Yeah, sure.
11:17So you like being in the Army?
11:23Oh, yeah.
11:24I love it.
11:26I love it.
11:27They tell us when to get up, what to wear, when to eat.
11:32They take all the guesswork out of living.
11:35Well, that's kind of like prison.
11:37The best part was the food.
11:39Three meals a day.
11:40Yeah, us too.
11:43Did y'all have those meal trays?
11:45Yeah.
11:45Five compartments.
11:47Oh, we only have four.
11:48Well, that follows you in there to be punished.
11:54What is that, clear nail polish?
11:57I just love a man who takes care of his feet.
12:01Well, you only get two.
12:04Well, did you know there's a spot on your foot that's connected to every part of your whole body?
12:12You want me to show you?
12:13You want to touch my feet?
12:18How else can I show you, silly?
12:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
12:24Well, I could just rub these all night.
12:27Oh, I don't know.
12:29Me having my feet rubbed all night by a pretty girl and feeling not okay.
12:40Morning.
12:41Morning.
12:42Morning.
12:43Morning.
12:45Morning.
12:46Morning.
12:46Morning.
12:48Morning.
12:49Morning.
12:52Morning.
12:57Bill, there are some things you don't do in another man's garage.
13:02As of right now, Leanne is kicked out.
13:05Hey, Hank, see, our relationship is just starting.
13:08It's too soon to ask her to move into my house.
13:11We'd be moving faster than the speed of love.
13:15Please.
13:16Please.
13:17Oh, all right.
13:21Dang it.
13:22At this rate, my new workbench is never going to get used.
13:25Oh, it got used last night.
13:29Huh?
13:30Right after we took a little ride on your mower.
13:33Oh, I got so scared when you didn't show up.
13:37I thought you started drinking again and got in an accident or a gunfight.
13:44Oh, I'm so sorry, honey girl.
13:47Oh, I just lost track of the time.
13:50Forgive me.
13:52Please, close the door.
13:54Well, we still have today.
13:57Oh, sorry.
13:59Excuse me.
14:00Oh, me and Billy Dee are going out to celebrate today.
14:06Oh, but I want you to see my puppet show.
14:09See, it's called The Manger, Baby.
14:11Honey.
14:12And it's about the animals that lived in Jesus' manger.
14:16Honey.
14:16There's a donkey and a cat.
14:18Honey, honey, honey.
14:20Billy is the first good thing to happen to me since I met your daddy.
14:24After all I've been through, don't you want me to be happy?
14:28Of course I do.
14:30Well, I knew you'd understand.
14:35I would love to see your show, Luanne.
14:41Great.
14:42You could save a seat for Mama in case she changes her mind.
14:46I've been watching you for days now, baby.
14:58I just love your situation now, baby.
15:02You know my love will never stop now, baby.
15:07Just put your loving in my box now, baby.
15:11Wrap it up.
15:14I'll take it.
15:16Wrap it up.
15:19I'll take it.
15:30Well, I'm going to treat you like the queen you are.
15:36Bring you sweet things from my candy jar.
15:40You've got the trust you may be used.
15:46Give it, give it to me.
15:48It won't be a deal.
15:50Hey, Billy, let's go on down to Uglies and show off how in love we are.
15:55Yeah, I'd like it.
15:57But I'm all tapped out to my next paycheck.
16:00We even spent my mad money.
16:02Well, that's okay.
16:05Foot rubs are brave.
16:07You're spoiling me.
16:10You're worth it.
16:11Yes, I know that I am.
16:13Now, Lily Magic Finger gonna...
16:16Oh, God, what is that?
16:19What?
16:20Oh, oh, that's just a little fungus.
16:23So, what are Lily Magic Fingers gonna do?
16:27Fungus.
16:31How do you get fungus?
16:33Don't worry about it.
16:34As soon as I get paid, I'm gonna get my prescription refilled, and it'll clear up just like that.
16:40Now, you're not gonna let a little fungus come between us, are you?
16:45I'll just get some almond oil.
17:02Come and get it.
17:05Now, normally I'd use a clamp for this, but you'll do in a pinch.
17:28Okay, if you want me to hold it tight, say T. If you want me to hold it real tight, say R.T. That'll be our system.
17:41All right, T.
17:44Ow!
17:46Dang it, I need my workbench.
17:49Oh, no.
18:00What the...
18:05Oh!
18:07Bobby, red alert!
18:09Get over to Dale's and lock the doors!
18:11Move!
18:13Peggy!
18:13Peggy, it's Leanne!
18:14She's...
18:15She's right here.
18:16Oh, oh.
18:18Heh.
18:19Uh, hey.
18:21Bill was just inviting us to a barbecue.
18:24Why?
18:25I mean, uh, what's the occasion?
18:28We're engaged!
18:30It was supposed to be a surprise!
18:35Ow!
18:38I need a smoke!
18:42This is the happiest day of my life.
18:46Uh, Bill, how should I put this?
18:59You know, Leanne's first husband is hiding out on an oil rig in the Gulf, and he swears he's not coming ashore until I fax him her death certificate.
19:10Now, what makes you think you think you're gonna do any better?
19:14Because she loves me.
19:15Then why did she hit you?
19:18Oh, that, that, why?
19:19That's just a new love game we made up yesterday.
19:22It's not one of my favorites, but she seems to like it.
19:27This goes without saying, Bill, but just in case it doesn't, I am saying that you all cannot live in my garage.
19:35Oh, she's moving in with me today.
19:38My house is big enough for the two of us.
19:42Maybe even more.
19:43Hi, Aunt Paggy.
19:50Look what I got.
19:52What did you do?
19:54Mama's gonna love it.
19:56Mm-mm.
19:57I will not have you running around all glammed up like Phyllis Diller.
20:01You're not my mama.
20:03Mama is my mama.
20:05Leanne, you are never gonna see her for what she is.
20:08Well, I am sorry, but I have not got time for the pain.
20:12The next time that woman breaks your heart, I am not gonna be waiting there to say, I told you so.
20:18Why won't you give Mama a chance?
20:20She just really needs us to believe in her.
20:23I believe in her, Leanne.
20:26I asked her to marry me.
20:28You're gonna marry Mama?
20:31Oh, this is like a fairy tale.
20:35I'm gonna call you Step Daddy Bill.
20:38You see it, Paggy?
20:41I'm not the only one who thinks Mama can change.
20:47Oh, they grow up so fast.
20:52Oh, you stupid, bad, stupid, ugly fuck of us.
20:58It is unbelievable.
21:00Every time I find somebody like you, you bald.
21:07Hey, fellas.
21:10What happened to your eye?
21:12Oh, eye.
21:14Oh, that.
21:14That's an interesting story.
21:17You know what?
21:18I was walking.
21:19I was walking.
21:20And I walked into a door.
21:24Wait a minute.
21:27How is that interesting?
21:28I'm hungry.
21:36Where's the bride-to-be?
21:37Oh, she'll be out soon.
21:40She just has the pre-engagement party jitters.
21:44Some kind of damn jitters.
21:46Well, hi, everybody.
21:50Welcome to the party.
21:52Hey, here she is.
21:56Woo!
21:56Let's get it out.
21:58Oh, no.
22:00What should we do?
22:02Well, I am gonna go close up the mustard before it crusts.
22:08If you'll excuse me.
22:09Okay, if she gets out of hand, I'll go high.
22:18You guys go low.
22:20I'm ready for pepper spray.
22:2350% capsicum.
22:26Mama, maybe you should eat something.
22:28Well, where's the damn food?
22:31The fungus for brains already gobbled it all up.
22:35Gobbled up.
22:37Yeah.
22:37Hey, boys, she's back.
22:45Give it up for Lele.
22:48Woo!
22:49Poor Bill.
22:50His woman is making a fool of him.
22:54It happens.
22:57Mama, please.
22:58Will you quit calling me that?
23:00I might be 34.
23:03Woo!
23:05Leleys!
23:06Hello, righty, hello, lefty, stay high.
23:12I want to go home.
23:15Thank God.
23:18Hey!
23:21Come on, Stan, show me some love.
23:25Help.
23:26Get this skank off me.
23:28Help me a little.
23:40Excuse me, ma'am, but that was my fork.
23:44Poor Peggy.
23:45She's dead.
23:47Leanne, whether you like the title or not, you are this girl's mother.
23:51She has been waiting her whole life for just a shred of attention from you, but you don't know how to return even a fraction of the love that you get from your child or from your man.
24:01I hope someday you can live without alcohol, but until that day, we can all live very nicely without you.
24:13Peggy.
24:14Thank you for that.
24:16I'm sorry.
24:17I've been acting pretty foolish, everyone.
24:24You can let go of my hand.
24:26I'll kick your brother's ass, and I will kick yours too, Stan.
24:51Well, there's one thing that you didn't count on.
24:55My brother has got five, six feet, but I don't.
25:00Oh, yeah!
25:05Oh, yeah!
25:06Hey, guys.
25:07Kill her.
25:09Kill her.
25:10Go, Peggy.
25:11Come on, me, man.
25:13Let's get out of this dump.
25:17Oh, I think you're better than me, huh?
25:21Fine!
25:23Then I ain't your sister no more!
25:27Ow!
25:44Well, I guess we can start eating.
25:47You can't just let her steal your truck, Bill.
25:50You gotta call the police.
25:52No.
25:53I think the best thing to do is just let her go.
25:56If she doesn't come back, it means we were never meant to be.
26:00And if she does come back, well, then I'll call the police.
26:07You kicked her ass, Mom.
26:09Yes, I did.
26:10But she's a better dancer.
26:11You do not know that.
26:13What should I do about Mr. Dyke-Chief?
26:19He keeps introducing me as his daughter.
26:22Well, the parental bond is extremely strong, even if it's not real.
26:27You know, the aunt-niece bond is even stronger.
26:32I think so, too.
26:34Twin sisters may have the strongest bond.
26:38Especially if they're attached at the head.
26:42And next would be the aunt-niece bond.
26:44Oh, yeah.
26:46Strongest is the aunt-niece attached at the head.
26:50Well, I don't know how that would happen, but yes.
26:53I don't know.
27:03Let's pray.