The Conners Season 1 Episode 6
The Conners Season 1 Episode 6
The Conners Season 1 Episode 6 One Flew Over the Conners' Nest
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The Conners Season 1 Episode 6
The Conners Season 1 Episode 6 One Flew Over the Conners' Nest
Follow our telegram group to get the latest movie updates
https://t.me/Alldramashort
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FunTranscript
00:00Hello, everybody.
00:01Oh, hey, Jackie.
00:02Haven't seen you in a while, and you and Peter must be really hitting it off.
00:07Actually, my days are free.
00:09You know Peter, he's got his classes in early European culture, and he's a falconer in training
00:14at the Renaissance Fair.
00:17He wears tights.
00:18Kind of put me off at first, but now I dig it.
00:25Kind of put me off at first, but now I dig it.
00:30I don't get it.
00:31It's just a bunch of smelly hippies running around eating giant turkey legs.
00:35Ooh, I was shot at by the Taliban so people could do that.
00:39Well, well, well, looky here.
00:41It's a letter from the city of Landford.
00:43I know what that is.
00:45Clean up your yard, or we'll do it.
00:47All right, gang, anything you don't want, put in the yard.
00:51Nope.
00:53It's a permit to start construction on a backyard chicken coop.
00:57Oh, I waited at the mailbox for two weeks, and it comes today.
01:01Ha ha!
01:02This is going to be great.
01:03I applied for this so we could have eggs that are organic and healthy.
01:07And think about how much money we're going to save.
01:09How big do you think our egg budget is?
01:13No way we're doing this.
01:15You won't even know it's here.
01:16I'll handle everything except, of course, building it.
01:19You'd have to do that.
01:22We don't need to build anything.
01:23I think the chickens will be plenty warm right in here.
01:29Hi, kids.
01:30How was school today?
01:31And wouldn't coming home be even better if you had your very own chicken coop?
01:35We're getting a chicken coop?
01:37I want that so bad.
01:39What is it?
01:41Mary, what would you name your chicken?
01:43Don't.
01:46Cornflakes.
01:47I love her so much already.
01:50Please, Grandpa.
01:51We don't have any pets.
01:53I have no way to pay forward the love you give me.
02:01Please, Grandpa Dan.
02:02Fine.
02:03I'll build you a chicken coop.
02:05Hooray!
02:06Well, if we don't make the Hillbilly Hall of Fame now, I don't know what else we can do.
02:14Is Aunt Jackie picking me up soon?
02:16Pretty soon.
02:17Now that you're done with the tables, I'm going to let you marry all the catch-ups.
02:22No kid has been allowed to do that before.
02:26We're reading Tom Sawyer this year.
02:27I know what you're doing.
02:31You know, I was as smart as you, and look what happened.
02:35Mark ready to go?
02:36Not yet.
02:37He's having fun.
02:38Let him stay a bit.
02:39What you got there?
02:40Huh?
02:41It's just a quiz.
02:42Oh!
02:43Are you financially ready to start a family?
02:46I love these quizzes.
02:49Did you know I'm a woman other women hate?
02:53I know it's just a dumb magazine quiz, but I'm really stressed about being able to afford a baby.
02:58Do you have six months of emergency savings?
03:00Who has that?
03:02I'm a single working mom.
03:04I'm going to need daycare.
03:06I'm going to need insurance.
03:07I'm going to need baby furniture.
03:10That's not counting unexpected things.
03:11Like what?
03:12I don't know.
03:13They're unexpected.
03:15Look, I did the whole quiz.
03:17I am completely financially unprepared to have a baby.
03:20I'm screwed.
03:21Look how much money you're saving by not drinking while you're pregnant.
03:24What's that?
03:25You know, 600, 700 bucks a month?
03:30Is that really how much you think I drink?
03:33That is so hurtful.
03:35That's like $20 a day.
03:37Huh.
03:38It might be that much.
03:41Maybe more.
03:42No, I'm just saying.
03:44You know, you're doing really good not drinking for the baby.
03:46How many days has it been?
03:4721 brutal days.
03:50You know, working at a bar and serving drinks all day really keeps my mind off it.
03:56The Ketchups are married.
03:58Oh, somebody wrote Aunt Becky's socks on the wall back there.
04:03Could have been anybody.
04:05See you later.
04:06Bye, Aunt Becky.
04:08Oh, Andrea.
04:09Jackie.
04:10Hi, I saw you on Facebook.
04:12Congratulations on the baby.
04:14Thank you so much.
04:15That really means a lot.
04:16I'm sorry I had to block you.
04:18Yeah, no, I get it.
04:20I get it.
04:21I'm a woman other women hate.
04:23Great catching up.
04:24Yeah.
04:26Andrea.
04:27Hey, Becky.
04:28What are you doing here?
04:29Oh, well, I saw your Instagram post about the drink of the month.
04:32Candy cane margarita sounded fantastic, so I came down.
04:35It's really just a regular margarita with a little crushed up Altoid in it.
04:42Come on, you didn't come all the way here just for a drink.
04:45Truth.
04:46I wanted to talk to you.
04:47Why me?
04:49When we were going through the surrogacy together, I always felt like I could talk to you and you wouldn't judge me.
04:53Well, not to your face.
04:54That's not cool.
04:57So what's wrong?
04:59Remember how bad I wanted a baby?
05:01Yeah.
05:02I can't find that feeling anymore.
05:05I'm really struggling with being a mom.
05:08Well, look how cute he is.
05:10Because he's sleeping.
05:12I never realized how selfish babies can be.
05:14I mean, they never leave you alone.
05:17How hard is it to get away from a baby?
05:19You just put it down and walk away.
05:20The baby's not going to find you.
05:23I'm sorry.
05:24It's just really been a rough day.
05:26But you have money.
05:27Don't you have nannies and stuff?
05:29Yeah, I have nannies, I have a diaper service, I have food delivery, and it's still virtually impossible.
05:34I mean, I have no idea how poor people do it.
05:38Wow, so you really regret having a baby?
05:41You have no idea how lucky you are that you can't.
05:43Oh, yeah.
05:44Boy, am I lucky.
05:47Oh, my God.
05:48Oh, what am I doing?
05:50It's the Altoid.
05:51It's weird, right?
05:52No.
05:54No, it's not that.
05:56I might as well tell you.
05:59I'm pregnant.
06:03You are going to love being a mom.
06:37The Conners is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
06:49So, I just got bored of being retired.
06:52I was going to travel, but turns out I'm frightened of people different than me.
06:59So maybe stick to the cracker barrel and you'll be fine.
07:03There you go.
07:07Oops, dropped your tip.
07:09Nice try.
07:10I'm not bending down so you can look at my ass again.
07:13Didn't mean to insult you.
07:15How about for a ten?
07:21Wow, thank you.
07:33What a jerk.
07:34He tried to make me bend down for ten dollars.
07:37Management won't do anything because he's a high roller.
07:40Here's how I deal with creepy guys.
07:42I say, show me yours and I'll show you mine.
07:47Most of the time it works, but the rest of the time it's pretty gross.
07:54Hey, guys.
07:55Do you mind if I sit down?
07:57I had kind of a crazy day.
07:59What can I get you?
08:01Actually, we wanted to talk to you first.
08:04If either of you had a bad reaction to the chili rellenos last night,
08:07I have a form for you to fill out.
08:09No, it's not that.
08:12Look, we know that you're worried about raising this baby alone
08:17and you know that we've been looking to adopt,
08:20so what would you think about maybe all of us doing this together?
08:25What do you mean?
08:26We'd adopt your baby and we'd all raise it.
08:29I mean, the baby would live with us,
08:30but you'd be over all the time and we'd pay all the expenses.
08:35Wow, I did not see this coming.
08:40We know you have to work and I work out of the house,
08:43so I could be with the baby all day and Bridget has great benefits.
08:47Post office.
08:50This is a lot.
08:51Just need some time to think.
08:54I'll be right back with your food.
08:57We didn't order.
09:00Just eat whatever she brings you.
09:01We're trying to get a baby.
09:10Good morning, Dad.
09:12Is it?
09:15That would indicate that I've slept a lot.
09:17Is it?
09:19That would indicate that I've slept.
09:21I've been up all night like many accomplished men
09:24knocking cats off my chicken coop with a broom.
09:28I can't believe we built a coop for chickens.
09:30I mean, I could never even get a tree house.
09:32You broke your wrist walking across the room.
09:34We weren't going to put you in a tree.
09:37Cornflakes has an STD.
09:40No, honey, the vet says she has PTSD.
09:44According to the vet, Cornflakes was traumatized by the cat attack.
09:48We can expect loss of appetite, irritability, possibly night terrors.
09:53Okay, Mark, take Cornflakes out to the coop.
09:56Well, actually, until Cornflakes stabilizes, she needs to live in the house.
10:00And she also has a tranquilizer she needs to take every four hours.
10:03The doctor recommends that we take turns holding her until she falls asleep.
10:08The chicken is not living in the house with us.
10:10I never thought I'd have to say that.
10:13Come on, guys. Let's put Cornflakes back in the coop.
10:20This is insane.
10:22My back is killing me because I've been up all night
10:24dealing with kamikaze cats hurling themselves at a chicken coop in my backyard.
10:29Next time you have a harebrained idea, do it at your house.
10:33Big man.
10:35King of England. Too good to have a chicken living in his house.
10:38Too good to have a chicken living in his house. Well, la-dee-da.
10:45Did you finish laying out those ads for the next issue?
10:47Just about. I'm just looking for another way to make some money.
10:51I'm getting real tired of this one customer at the casino harassing me.
10:56Is he touching you?
10:57Oh, no. Not yet, anyway.
11:01I'll tell you what. If he does, come here.
11:03Let me show you a move that'll really cripple the guy.
11:06Put your hand on my shoulder.
11:07Okay.
11:08Alright, like that.
11:09And you're gonna put your hand on top of his hand.
11:11Thumb on his knuckles, right?
11:17You know, I think I got a better way.
11:19Better ways, kid. Yeah.
11:21Alright. Look, with guys, it's all about intimidation, right?
11:25You just gotta have that crazy look in your eyes that says,
11:28I won't stop until you're dead and then I'll kill your ghost!
11:33Now, show me your look.
11:38It's not just eyes. This is primal animal stuff, you know?
11:43You just gotta make him feel threatened!
11:44Holy crap, that was terrifying.
11:46Hey, thank you. Okay, now, you go.
11:50Okay, um...
11:53Rah!
11:56Good start. It's not frightening, but odd and unsettling.
12:03Let's finish this later. We need to get back to work.
12:06Rah!
12:07Hey, hey, hey! Better!
12:09Yes, now it's jarring and off-putting.
12:13Damn straight it is.
12:31Becky, it's late. You okay?
12:33I've just been walking around the last two hours and I think I've made a decision.
12:39I want to do that thing where I raise the baby with you guys.
12:43Really? Oh my God.
12:47Maria! Come down here! We're getting a baby!
12:51What?
12:53Hold on.
12:56We're getting Becky's baby.
13:01She's happy.
13:03Do you want to come in and celebrate? I think I got some sparkling cider.
13:06Nah, I should get going. We can talk later.
13:13It's gonna be awesome.
13:14Yeah, it is. Thank you so much.
13:21Good night.
13:22Good night.
13:33Good night.
13:44Darlene!
13:45What?
13:46Oh God.
13:48What are you doing here? What time is it?
13:50It's two in the morning. I just did something and I need to talk to you about it.
13:55Can it wait?
13:56It could, but I just agreed to give my baby to a lesbian couple from the restaurant.
14:03Well, now you got me hooked. Go on.
14:06You remember Bridget and Maria from high school?
14:09Yeah.
14:11They offered me this arrangement where they said we could all raise the baby together,
14:15but they would actually adopt it.
14:18Becky, why would you do that? Why wouldn't you come to me first?
14:22Because I'm freaked out. I think that I'm gonna suck as a mom.
14:27And I was talking to Andrea and she has all the help in the world and she's falling apart.
14:32But you're not Andrea. Before the baby, she had a pretty good life.
14:36You don't have that problem. You've already fallen apart.
14:42You don't get it.
14:44Well, look, Becky, I know you're worried about money,
14:47but maybe we'll just figure out a way to get you some assistance.
14:51It's not just about that.
14:53Then what is it about?
14:56Ever since I've been pregnant, I can't stop thinking about having a drink.
15:03I'm a drunk, Darlene.
15:07And I don't want to screw up some kid's life.
15:15I'm sorry. This is a lot to take in.
15:19I think I need some coffee. I was in the middle of a crazy dream.
15:22Everybody in the family was happy and Dad had the head of a chicken.
15:27Okay, I don't think I understand.
15:29I mean, I know you're struggling, but you're stronger than you think you are.
15:33I mean, you stopped drinking on a dime when you found out you were pregnant.
15:37Yesterday, I almost drank a candy cane margarita.
15:42God, you must be an alcoholic. Who else would drink that?
15:46See? That's what I mean.
15:48How could I be a good mother?
15:50I don't want my kid taken away and turned over to family.
15:53Okay, I don't think that's going to happen.
15:55I believe you're going to stay sober.
15:57I don't want to be stupid about this.
15:59I know there are some people who can't.
16:01So, if you're one of those people,
16:03then I'll have to step in and take care of your baby
16:06until you get your act together.
16:08What if I can't get my act together?
16:10Then we sell it.
16:14Amelia is a good-looking guy. You're pretty cute.
16:16I think we can get top dollar.
16:18Amelia is a good-looking guy. You're pretty cute.
16:20I think we can get top dollar.
16:23I can't do this.
16:25You already have too much on your plate.
16:27Well, then we'll get the whole family to help out.
16:30Becky, we're not going to let your baby fall through the cracks.
16:33Oh, my God. What if I start doing crack?
16:36Okay, you're just panicking.
16:38You can do this.
16:40You would not have come over here
16:42if you thought you were doing the right thing.
16:44Okay.
16:47I'm going to tell them I changed my mind.
16:50I'm going to keep the baby.
16:54I don't think I've ever felt this close to you.
16:58Thank you for not being a judgmental little troll for once.
17:10What are you going to do with the chickens?
17:12I'm taking Corn Flakes home.
17:14We're going to a chicken rescue.
17:17There's a chicken rescue?
17:20Not just chickens, parrots.
17:22Got a couple of hawks.
17:24I heard they had one of the Harry Potter owls,
17:27so I'm figuring it's a good place.
17:33The chickens could stay.
17:35I just didn't want Corn Flakes in the house.
17:37Why don't you say what you really mean, Dan?
17:39You just don't want me in the house.
17:41Where are you getting that from?
17:43Just to clear this out,
17:45the only reason you ever put up with me coming over
17:47is because my sister wanted me here.
17:50And?
17:52You're so thick-headed.
17:54Why do you think the chickens are here?
17:56I have no damn idea.
17:58Oh, so you want me to say it, don't you?
18:00Okay.
18:02I thought if there was a chicken coop here,
18:04you'd need somebody to help you with it
18:06that would give me an excuse to come over every day.
18:09So you thought if you forced me to become a chicken farmer,
18:12you'd let you hear more.
18:13Yeah.
18:15Wasn't a perfect plan.
18:19Listen, Jackie, when Roseanne was alive,
18:21you'd come over, and I'd give you a hard time.
18:24Now, that worked for 40 years.
18:26I see no reason to change it now.
18:28So then why doesn't anybody ever call me
18:30and invite me over?
18:32You don't need to be invited because you're always here!
18:35And why would you need an invite your family?
18:39So...
18:41you want me here,
18:43and if I didn't come over, you'd miss me?
18:46Yeah, sure, why not?
18:50There we go, the reluctant compliment.
18:53Our little game continues.
18:55Come here.
19:01Are you still gonna take Corn Flakes home?
19:03Oh, yeah, just for a week.
19:05Mom says she's deathly afraid of birds.
19:08We'll find out if that's true, aren't we, Corn Flakes?
19:18Hey.
19:19What are you doing here?
19:21Eh, no reason.
19:23Maybe gamble.
19:25Thought maybe I'd go find that guy who's been bothering you
19:28and say hey.
19:31Punch him until he's unconscious.
19:34Wait, so as my boss,
19:38you just decided to come down here and protect me?
19:41There's no other feelings motivating this?
19:44What other feelings could I have that would motivate this?
19:48I don't know, you tell me.
19:50No, you tell me.
19:52Some people might say it feels like a boyfriend move.
19:57No, what?
19:59No, what?
20:01That wouldn't be appropriate,
20:03and I think that you questioning my intentions
20:06is kind of a girlfriend move.
20:09What? No. What? No.
20:14Hey.
20:16Thanks for not saying anything about the outfit.
20:19What outfit?
20:23Here you go.
20:25Tell you what.
20:27Sit on my lap for good luck,
20:29and I'll split my winnings with you.
20:33You know what? I have a better idea.
20:39What the hell?
20:40You know I'm gonna get you fired.
20:42Oh, I'm gonna quit before you do.
20:44I win again.
20:46I just threw a drink in the creep's face, and I'm quitting.
20:50Really?
20:51Yeah.
20:52And you know what gave me the courage to do it?
20:54The fact that you're giving me a raise in medical.
20:58And it's so great,
20:59because I didn't think I could stay sober
21:01after the baby was born,
21:02which is why I agreed to your offer.
21:04But my family really stepped up.
21:06I mean, my sister Darlene, you know her from school.
21:08She was just so supportive and amazing,
21:10and now I'm feeling so good,
21:12because I feel like I can finally be a responsible mom.
21:16We're very happy for you.
21:20I'm going on break,
21:21so Stephanie is going to take over my section.
21:25Don't forget to tip.