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00:00The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:10There she is.
00:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:20You're so strong!
00:22Are you all right there, Alison? Alison, are you all right?
00:25She's never been picked up before.
00:27LAUGHTER
00:29I wasn't watching, did Giles pick you up?
00:31No.
00:33Yeah, I was watching.
00:35Oh, my God, he lifts me up like butter.
00:37I know.
00:39That's not sane, is it?
00:41Is that what you do, just go...
00:43Don't worry, there's more where that came from.
00:45LAUGHTER
00:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:07Welcome to Rob Beckett's Smart TV,
01:09a quiz about TV which, like my uncle's funeral,
01:11should be fun for all the family.
01:13He was horrible.
01:15As always, I'm joined by my two team captains,
01:17the goddess of TV who can walk on water, Alison Hammond,
01:20and a man who can't even go to his local swimming pool at the moment
01:23because he's got a Veruca.
01:25It's Josh Winnicombe!
01:28With Josh this week is a comedian and loose woman
01:31who twerked so well on Strictly that Craig said
01:33her bottom should have its own show.
01:35Please welcome the host of Channel 5's My Arse And Me,
01:38it's Judy Hart!
01:43Also on Josh's team, she's done the cha-cha on Strictly
01:46and seen plenty of cha-chas on Call The Midwife.
01:49It's actor Helen George!
01:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:55And up against them on Alison's team this week,
01:57we have a slow-horses star who made his name in Gangs Of London.
02:01A bit like Josh on the machete, as he's known,
02:03in the school PTA meetings.
02:05It's Shopper Dirisu!
02:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:11And finally on Alison's team, a legendary actor, presenter,
02:14author, journalist and politician.
02:16And I'm not saying he's not good at all those things,
02:18but he's still best known for his jumpers.
02:20It's Giles Brandery!
02:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:25Alison, Josh, how are you doing? How are you feeling?
02:27I'm good, thank you. I'm feeling very, very good.
02:30I'm glad Judy Love is not on my team,
02:32because we do get mixed up occasionally.
02:34It's relentless, isn't it?
02:36It's a lot. I don't even argue any more.
02:38Literally, people go, are you Judy Love? I go, yes.
02:41I am constantly mistaken for dead people.
02:44Are you? Really?
02:46Very rarely I'm mistaken. No, you're not.
02:48Yes, I am. The other day, some old man came up and said,
02:51I know, I remember you from Steptoe.
02:53You played Steptoe's dad.
02:55No!
02:57Is that not who we've booked?
03:00Now, Chopper, Gangs Of London can be pretty brutal.
03:03You do your own stunts on Gangs Of London. How's that?
03:05No, I mean, it's really important to me,
03:07firstly, for a storytelling perspective,
03:09like, to actually feel the pain that my character's going through.
03:12Oh, my God. Can't you just, like, act?
03:14Yeah, I mean...
03:16Have you done sex scenes as well?
03:18Judy. All right, Judy, calm down, mate.
03:21Judy has got a little bit of a crush on you.
03:23She mentioned it in the make-up.
03:25Don't do those eyes at me. No, what I said...
03:28I'm flattered already, don't worry.
03:32What I said, Chopper... Yeah, I'm listening.
03:34..is you've just got such...
03:36She's... Her notes have gone everywhere!
03:38I don't know what I'm doing any more!
03:40What I said, you've just got a very beautiful presence.
03:43I appreciate it. When you walked in the room,
03:45it was very, you know, it was very masculine,
03:47but it was very warm and, you know, it was very smooth,
03:50and it just...
03:51What was it like when Josh walked into the room?
03:53I don't know, I can't concentrate on anything else.
03:55I know I'm having a moment.
03:57Helen, welcome to the show. Thank you.
03:59Very excited to have you on the show here.
04:01Are there any TV shows you don't like?
04:03Quizzes. Great, OK.
04:05Oh, gosh!
04:06Do you are aware this is a bit of a quiz?
04:08So, what is it like?
04:09What kind of quizzes don't you like?
04:11The proper, like, five o'clock...
04:13The ones that require any intelligence.
04:17It's not this show, then. So I think I'm fine.
04:19It's all right, Julie, it's all right.
04:21We can say that about our own show, you can't wade in,
04:23you're on Loose Women, mate!
04:26Leave my girls alone, OK?
04:28The girls? They're women, they're women.
04:31We call us girls.
04:32Combined age of 394, the girls.
04:37I always wanted to change the name for Loose Women.
04:40To what, what?
04:41I wanted to call them Fierce Women.
04:43Fierce Women?
04:44Fierce Women, cos I just think loose is a bit...
04:47A bit soft.
04:48A bit trashy.
04:49I mean, Alison, pitch it, Fierce Women.
04:51Maybe we should just do a different show called Fierce Women?
04:53Fierce Women.
04:54You and Jon?
04:55Why not?
04:57Jon can do anything.
04:59And the famously picky Alison Hammond.
05:07As Kevin MacLeod says at the start of Grand Designs,
05:10let the shit show begin.
05:11Give it up for our teams!
05:14It's the start of a show,
05:15so we start with a round that starts with the starts of shows.
05:18It's Roll The Titles.
05:19I'll play the theme music from one TV show
05:21over the title sequence of another,
05:23and you need to buzz in and name both shows to get the point.
05:26There's three mash-ups, whoever gets the most right
05:28gets first pick of the show you want to answer questions on.
05:31Before we see your mash-ups, let's hear your buzzers.
05:34Alison. I've started.
05:35Josh. So I'll finish.
05:38Is that one of your many voices? That's one of my many voices.
05:41That doesn't sound like you. I've got range.
05:43You have got so much range, why don't you use it?
05:48OK, here's your first mash-up. Are you ready? Yeah.
05:51Fingers on buzzers.
06:01So I'll finish.
06:02It's Bear Grylls and Bridgerton.
06:06OK, Akramvil, that is the correct answer.
06:09Oh, well done. Well done.
06:11Good work.
06:13Bridgerton, Bear Grylls, Born Survivor.
06:16Two shows all about posh people who occasionally resort to eating penis.
06:22Here's your next one.
06:31I've started. Yep.
06:33Is it Downton Abbey and Naked Attraction?
06:35No. So I'll finish.
06:37Is it Love Island and Downton Abbey?
06:40Correct it is. Judy Love again.
06:44Yes, Love Island and Downton Abbey.
06:48Two shows that highlight the two extremes of bad teeth.
06:52Here's your next one.
07:03So I'll finish.
07:04It's Great British Sewing Bee.
07:06And the Amelia Fox crime thing.
07:08And the Amelia Fox crime thing. Thank you very much.
07:10We'll have the points.
07:11Crime Suspect. Yes. Crime Suspect?
07:13Yes. Wrong.
07:16The Great British Sewing Bee and The Funeral of the Last Pope.
07:23No-one got that right.
07:25It was Sewing Bee and The Walking Dead.
07:28Two shows I'm pretty confident I'd die on.
07:30One from a zombie bite, the other from boredom.
07:34So, Josh, you got the most correct,
07:36so you choose one of the six shows on the board to answer questions on.
07:40What do you fancy from that?
07:42The questions on Bear Grylls will be fun.
07:45They'll be, like, mad things that Bear Grylls has done.
07:48Can we go for Bear Grylls?
07:50Josh's team, you've chosen Bear Grylls, born Survivor.
07:53Bear Grylls, a man whose main advice for any situation
07:56is drinking his own piss.
07:58I've met him a couple of times and he's a lovely man.
08:00Is he? Nice to meet you. He let me ride his rib.
08:03No, he did. He's got a ribbed boat. What? A ribbed boat?
08:06You know, like, one of those boats which is like a big dinghy,
08:09but it goes really fast? It's called a rib.
08:11Sorry, it's all too close. A big dinghy.
08:14A ribbed boat.
08:16Yeah, and it's got a cock ring on the end of it.
08:21OK, in this game, I'm going to show you some classic Grylls moments
08:24where he's got himself into a dangerous situation in the wild.
08:28Then I want you to tell me what he did to survive.
08:30Josh's team, here's your first clip.
08:32I've now been cut loose by the Berbers
08:34to fend for myself in one of the world's harshest environments.
08:38But they've left me with the ultimate challenge.
08:41OK, so what tip does Bear recommend for surviving this situation?
08:47A, he finds a dead camel, pulls its guts out and climbs inside the carcass.
08:51Or B, he buries himself and creates a breathing straw
08:55using a lizard's tail.
08:57Makes sense.
08:58Or C, he uses an old snakeskin to create a balaclava that protects his face.
09:03Right, OK, what are you going to go for, Josh?
09:05Would you rather climb in a camel or bury yourself in sand?
09:08I'd rather bury myself in a camel, I think.
09:10So I think we rule out the lizard's tail, that's insane.
09:13I just can't believe he's wearing a...
09:17Why is a snakeskin balaclava not going to achieve anything?
09:20Unless he's going to then rob somewhere that sells Factor 50.
09:23But the thing is, he's the kind of guy who likes to cut things
09:26and dig things and make it really gory.
09:28Because then he can eat some of the camel.
09:30He can eat some dinner, he can drink the blood for liquid.
09:33We're going with A.
09:34Well, let's see if you're right.
09:37Berber have given me this camel.
09:39There are no less than 200 feet of intestines and guts
09:43that I have to haul out.
09:46You need to drag this lot well away from the carcass
09:49in the hope that predators like jackals stay away.
09:54Berbers could use this as an emergency shelter in a sandstorm.
09:59And all I'd do is...
10:03..get inside it, pull it over...
10:08..and I'll be 100% protected from the sand.
10:14Would anyone do that? I think I'd rather die.
10:16If he was about to die, you'd do it. You'd do anything?
10:19Yeah, you'd do anything.
10:20I just don't think I'd get round to it.
10:23To killing a camel?
10:24To killing a camel and getting inside it.
10:26Listen, have you got a survival story you want to share with the group?
10:29No, but do you know what?
10:30Once I was doing this show and they really wanted me
10:32to go in the helicopter and I've got a real massive fear
10:35of helicopters.
10:36I always think I'm not going to survive or I'm going to die.
10:39And honestly, I was so fearful, I asked my makeup artist
10:43to film me doing a video to my son to say,
10:46listen, if you get this message...
10:48I've actually got the message, do you want to see it?
10:50Yeah, we're going to show it, yeah. Here you go.
10:52It's only Mummy.
10:53If you're seeing this message, it means I didn't make it back.
10:56But I just want you to know, I love you so very much.
10:58I didn't really want to go in the helicopter anyway,
11:00so I'm actually fuming.
11:02But I'm with you always, son, and I love you so very, very much.
11:06Love you, baby.
11:08That is really good!
11:10That's so scary, Amber.
11:12Can I ask you something?
11:13Can I just say, the way you did it was still like a TV presenter.
11:18Do we all white? You look like an angel already.
11:23Son, it's your mum from heaven.
11:25I'm in a better place.
11:27What is so wonderful about this
11:29is that Alison has never wasted any footage.
11:32Anything that she has ever filmed has now been seen.
11:35Even her dying words are fantastic.
11:39OK, right, here's your next question.
11:41Let's see what pickle this silly ninny's got himself into now.
11:44OK, there he is.
11:46He's stranded at sea on a raft.
11:49He's collected some water, but it's full of bird shit.
11:52What do you think he does to solve this issue?
11:54The options are, does he...
12:08No! Piss.
12:09I've definitely heard that if you've been poisoned,
12:12or if you've been stung by a jellyfish,
12:14you're supposed to, like, pour your own...
12:16But this is...
12:17But he's just got shitty bird water, so he hasn't been stung.
12:20It can't be enema. You can't rehydrate up your arse, can you?
12:24No. Well... Yes, you can.
12:26Sorry, Giles. The voice of experience.
12:31I think the jellyfish might be an idea.
12:33I think the jellyfish.
12:35He looks like a man that would suck off a jellyfish!
12:40If you're lost at sea long enough, it's got to be jellyfish.
12:43You think it's a jellyfish? OK, I'll go with you,
12:45but I'm just going to say I think it's C, but let's go with A.
12:48OK, you're going with A, jellyfish. Let's see what he did.
12:51I've collected some fresh water,
12:53but it's full of bird droppings and it's rancid.
12:55Drink this and you'd probably vomit and risk worsening dehydration.
12:59But there is a way of using it to gain life-giving fluids,
13:03but only as a last resort.
13:05I'm going to give myself an enema.
13:07I'm not expecting this to be particularly pleasant.
13:13HE COUGHS
13:16Argh!
13:18By performing an enema, you bypass the gag reflex,
13:21rehydrating your body without the risk of vomiting.
13:24And then once it's in...
13:29..I guess all you do is lie back and think of England!
13:36Oh, my... I am never going on his rib again.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:42APPLAUSE
13:48For his first time slipping that in,
13:50he did it quite quick, didn't he?
13:52Well, I'm sure he went to a boarding school.
13:56Why didn't the film crew on the adjoining boat help out?
13:59LAUGHTER
14:02OK, so, Josh's team, you've got three points.
14:05Lovely work.
14:08Time now for Quick Break, but before we go,
14:10here's Danny from BBC documentary Baby-Faced Bodybuilders,
14:13who went viral back in the day.
14:15Can you remember what his strict diet consisted of?
14:17Find out after the break.
14:32Welcome back to our break at Smart TV.
14:34Before the break, I asked you if you could remember
14:36what this man's diet was on Baby-Faced Bodybuilders.
14:39Anyone know? I know this, but I don't want to ruin it,
14:41because it's so good. It is good, isn't it?
14:43Shall we watch it? Yeah. OK, have a look.
14:45And has plenty of time to train for the Mr Cumbria competition
14:48in two weeks' time.
14:49What are you about to cook now?
14:51Just my fish for my 12 o'clock meal.
14:54I'll have it with a rice cake.
14:57In the run-up to any competition,
14:59Danny's trainer puts him on a strict diet.
15:03Eight o'clock in the morning, I'll have fish and a rice cake.
15:06At ten o'clock, I'll have fish.
15:09At 12 o'clock, I'll have fish and a rice cake.
15:14At two o'clock, I'll have fish.
15:19At four o'clock, just before I train,
15:22I'll have fish and a rice cake.
15:24I'll train. I'll have me fish.
15:28I'll come home, have some more fish with a rice cake,
15:31and then have some fish before I go to bed.
15:34And then that's it for the day.
15:37What did you say? I just have fish all day.
15:39Well, cos sometimes he has it with a rice cake.
15:43Up next, Alison's team get to choose one of the TV shows
15:46on the board to answer questions on.
15:48Alison, what are you going to go for?
15:50OK, wow. I love Bridgerton. Do you like Bridgerton?
15:52I mean, I've got some friends in Bridgerton.
15:54Let's go for Bridgerton. Yeah, cool.
15:56Right, you've chosen Bridgerton for your team.
15:59The show sees 19th century posh shows
16:01navigating London high society.
16:03Looking for love and gossiping about the latest scandals.
16:06It's basically Jane Austen if she were single and well up for it.
16:09So, you know a few people in Bridgerton.
16:11Do you watch it, your fans? You like it, Alison?
16:13Oh, I love Bridgerton. We love it.
16:15I imagine your real life's not far off Bridgerton, Charles.
16:18Just sort of high society London. He rubs shoulders with elites.
16:21And also, if I may say so, the sex.
16:24Yes, of course.
16:26Who's the most famous person in your phone book, Charles, do you reckon?
16:29It's the Queen. Probably. And the King.
16:32Is the King on WhatsApp?
16:35Not that I know.
16:37And do you think he'd have a family chat and then one without Harry?
16:46Now, Bridgerton revolves around a scandalous gossip column
16:49written by the mysterious Lady Whistledown.
16:51Alison's team, you're going to hear some gossip
16:53about the making of Bridgerton.
16:55I want you to identify the real gossip from the false rumour.
16:58Josh's team, I want you to be the 19th century gossip mongers.
17:01You'll be reading the options out for Alison's team to choose from
17:04and make sure to go full Bridgerton and posh it up.
17:08Time to spill the tea. Get your teacups out. Let's go.
17:11Oh, nice. I love a gossip. I love Bridgerton.
17:14I love spilling the tea.
17:16Your tour's called Not My Cup Of Tea. It's called Not My Cup Of Tea.
17:19But really, spilling the tea would be a more modern term, wouldn't it?
17:22Yes, but you should meet my audience.
17:24If you saw my audience, Giles is one of the younger members.
17:27Don't knock it. My tour is being sponsored, this is true,
17:31it's quite exciting... By who?
17:33..by the Tenerflex Plus Super Soft Incontinence Pad.
17:36LAUGHTER
17:38Really?
17:39The joy is, when we get to the interval,
17:42they all have to go but I can stay on stage.
17:45LAUGHTER
17:50Right, here's your first question.
17:53The cast of Bridgerton used an unusual sports item
17:56to aid them with their sex scenes, but what was the item, Judy?
18:00What's your first bit of gossip?
18:02I once heard they use a shuttlecock under the bed blankets
18:07to make the men's baloney pony...
18:10LAUGHTER ..look bigger.
18:12Baloney pony, I like that.
18:14That's your first option, Josh.
18:16I can't do accents and you know it makes me tense.
18:18That's OK. This is not an accent, this is your...
18:21This is you. This is your ancestors. You've got this.
18:24Just be posh.
18:25I heard that they used a deflated netball...
18:27Oh, you're shit. You are shit.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:33I've only done two words!
18:35I don't know what we knew by then, just do your own voices.
18:38All right, I heard they used... No, no, do it, you can do it.
18:41I heard that they used a deflated netball
18:43to place between their nether regions and stop any unpleasant contact.
18:47And yours, Helen? Best Bridgerton, please.
18:50Gosh, incredible.
18:51I heard they used football studs to create the erect nipple effect.
18:56Oh, she's good. Oh, that was unbelievable.
18:59She's perfect.
19:01OK, so the options were,
19:03are you shuttlecocks to make their baloney ponies look bigger,
19:06or a netball between the nether regions for the sex scenes,
19:09or football stud nipples?
19:10What do you think?
19:12I personally think it's B, netball.
19:15Shuttlecocks aren't that big, so wouldn't know that quick.
19:18How big's a shuttlecock?
19:20I'll take that on the end of it.
19:22And football would start to be really painful
19:24if they were just on your nipples.
19:26Would you use a netball?
19:29No comment.
19:31LAUGHTER
19:43Well, so you're going to go for the deflated netball?
19:46Yes, please.
19:47OK, so can the real truth teller please sip that piping hot tea?
19:52Oh, you are correct! Yes!
19:56They used a deflated netball during sex scenes
19:58to avoid any embarrassing touching.
20:00Well done, Alison's team, you get a point there, good work.
20:03OK, sex scenes, nudity?
20:05Lots of nudity, no sex scenes yet.
20:07No? Still got my on-screen V-pose.
20:09Calm down, Judy.
20:11I remember on Slow Horses,
20:13the first scene of the beginning of the third season
20:16is me just with my arse out.
20:18That was your first scene? Yes.
20:20Welcome to the show, get naked.
20:23The funniest, most uncomfortable part of that,
20:25it's not actually being naked,
20:27it's covering up with a little cocksuck.
20:30I'd use an egg cup.
20:33Has anyone watched that Naked Dating yet?
20:35Oh, yes. Yeah.
20:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
20:44Naked Dating is basically Love Island, but everybody is naked.
20:48And the thing is, after maybe episode two,
20:51you don't even notice that they're naked.
20:53It's all about the relationship, honestly.
20:55Giles isn't so sure about that.
20:58You know, after a while, you're more into the relationships, right?
21:01Well, we're watching, to be honest, with the sound turned down.
21:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
21:08OK, right, your next question.
21:10Apparently, things got so hot and heavy
21:12between Nicola Coghlan and Luke Newton during a sex scene
21:15that filming had to be paused, but what happened?
21:18Judy, first bit of goss.
21:20I once heard that they were simulating sex so vigorously
21:26on a show long that the legs snapped.
21:29Ooh.
21:31I heard that they started improvising dirty talk
21:35but forgot phrases like blue balls, doggy style
21:39and motorboating didn't exist in 1827.
21:43Helen?
21:44I heard that a sound engineer got sweaty palms watching the scene
21:48and dropped a boom mic on them.
21:50Ooh.
21:52OK, the options are they broke a chaise longue,
21:54outdated dirty talk or a horny sound man.
21:57I think it's going to be A, because the sets are beautiful
22:00and they use a lot of period furniture, genuine stuff,
22:03so they might have a chaise longue that really was a bit fragile
22:06and with the rumpy-pumpy-humpy on it, getting a bit too exciting,
22:12I think it's possible it could be A.
22:15Giles, I love you so much.
22:16Can I take you to Amsterdam and have a quality night out?
22:21Imagine off your head and Giles is there.
22:25It's unbelievable.
22:26I'm going to go with what Giles said.
22:28OK, can the truth teller reveal themselves?
22:31Yes! Well done, Alison's team, yes!
22:35Option B, Lady Love was telling the truth,
22:39Nicola and Luke went at it a bit too hard.
22:41Well done, Alison's team, another point, smashing it!
22:49So, at the end of that round, Alison's team have two points,
22:52but Josh's team have three points!
22:54Yes!
22:56Our next round is called Tuning In
22:58and it's all about identifying classic TV theme tunes.
23:01Before we start, since we're talking about theme tunes,
23:04we have to mention the ultimate banger,
23:06the BBC News theme tune.
23:08Here's the moment they got a professional dancer
23:10to dance to the theme tune live on the actual news.
23:28MUSIC PLAYS
23:45OK, what a performance.
23:46Strange decision to do that immediately
23:48after announcing the death of the Queen,
23:50but that's the news for you.
23:52Anyone got a favourite theme tune?
23:54Yeah, 100%. What's yours?
23:57It's the Casualty theme tune.
23:59But it's the Oxide Neutrino remix.
24:01Right, OK. We've got it, if you want to have a listen.
24:04Yes, 100%, please. Let's do it. Let's play it.
24:06MUSIC PLAYS
24:13A round of applause for Corbyn,
24:15the BBC breakdancer, everyone!
24:23OK, OK!
24:26APPLAUSE
24:32Amazing! Amazing!
24:35In this round, each team will be given five theme tunes to guess.
24:39Oh, I love stuff like this. But you're playing against the clock.
24:42The quicker you guess the theme tune, the more points you win.
24:45Oh! But if you take too long to get it, you start losing points.
24:49Oh, no! If you give me the correct answer,
24:52we'll stop the theme-o-meter.
24:54Did you get it? It sounds like thermometer, but it's a theme-o-meter.
24:57You'll receive the points that correspond to where it's stopped.
25:00OK, but if it goes on too long, you'll go into negative points.
25:03We'll tell you when to get it right.
25:05OK, Alison's team, you're up first. Here's your first theme tune.
25:08OK, shout out when you know the answer. Let's go.
25:13The Apprentice. Yes, well done.
25:15Well done.
25:17OK, so that is two points you've got there. Well done.
25:20Well done on a start. OK, right, here's your next one.
25:25Mona Chirot. Yes!
25:27Yes, well done.
25:29Two points again.
25:31New Chopin, OK. Oh, my God.
25:33Chopin's killing it. Here's another.
25:40Alderado.
25:42Oh, fuck.
25:44Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
25:46You nearly!
25:48It's Last Of The Summer Wind. It is Last Of The Summer Wind.
25:50Well done. Last Of The Summer Wind.
25:54But you were late and it's minus three.
25:56No!
25:58I was taking two points off it. Three points. No, three.
26:00Three? That's how minus three works.
26:02Jesus Christ.
26:06How could you get that? It's minus three.
26:08You've got two more, OK? Here we go.
26:10Are you ready for the next one? Yeah. Here we go.
26:15Correct. Oh, you're so good.
26:17That was three points. Well done.
26:19You are so good.
26:21I could watch Chopin do this all day.
26:23So could I.
26:26Here's the final one.
26:38Oh, time up. It was Scrubs.
26:41OK, so, Alison's team, you've got one point there.
26:44Well done.
26:46But the drama to get one point.
26:48It's wonderful, isn't it? Yeah.
26:50OK, Josh's team. Oh, wow.
26:52Now it's your turn. Let's see if you can do any better.
26:54I'm quite nervous. You ready?
26:56Can I just... Do I get... I'm dyslexic.
26:58Do we get extra five seconds?
27:01Judy, you can have a laptop. Thank you.
27:08OK, right, here's your first one.
27:12Saint-Gilles.
27:13Oh, yes, correct. Three points.
27:17Well done. Three points straight off the bat.
27:19Your next one, Josh, here you go.
27:22That's all. Yeah. Correct.
27:24Blimey, three points. You're so good, Josh.
27:26OK, here's your next one.
27:31Um, Dinner Date.
27:35Come Dine With Me. No, it's a detective show.
27:39No, you're out of time. Minus three.
27:41It was, do you know it? Feels Like Christmas.
27:43All right, Alison, you don't cheer other people messing up.
27:47She does. She does.
27:49It's so exciting.
27:50She's the person, when someone serves a double fault at Wimbledon,
27:53she gets, like, yes!
27:56Right, here we go. So, minus three for that one.
27:58That was Peaky Blinders. Here's your next one.
28:04Correct. Three points.
28:09OK, here's your final one.
28:13Oh!
28:15Correct. Well done.
28:17One point there, good score. Well done, guys.
28:20Well done, Josh's team. You've got seven points.
28:23Wow!
28:28At the end of that round, Alison's team have three points,
28:30but in the lead is Josh's team with ten points.
28:34Time for a break now.
28:35You know what any good break needs, a breakdancer.
28:38Corbyn, cut that rug!
28:40No, cut that rug!
28:42Yeah! See you after the break.
28:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:09Welcome back to Rebecca's Smart TV.
29:11Next up is a round called Life Stories
29:13where we take a look into the bonkers backstories
29:15of some of TV's most famous faces.
29:17I'll ask you a question and then show you a load
29:19of famous personalities, both fictional and real,
29:22and then you'll need to decide who tops the category.
29:25Right, here's your category.
29:27Who was presumed dead for the longest?
29:30Giles. Oh, that's not...
29:32Oh, poor Giles.
29:35Every year, I do a photo shoot in a coffin.
29:38Because I, for 27 years now... Christmas cards.
29:41For 27 years, I have been the...
29:48For 27 years, I have been the host
29:50of the British Funeral Directors Awards.
29:56And there are two big awards at the end of the year.
29:59One is for the crematorium of the year,
30:01which is known as the creme de la creme award.
30:06It is true!
30:07The Lifetime Achievement Award is for thinking outside the box.
30:12OK, here's your line-up.
30:14We've got Harold Bishop from Neighbours,
30:16David Guest from Celebrity Big Brother,
30:19Bobby Ewing from Dallas and Marcel the Monkey from Friends.
30:23Or as they're also known, the worst room in Madame Tussauds.
30:26I remember this.
30:28I remember when he died and then, I think it was a good while,
30:32you know, I think it was about six months. Yes.
30:35It could have been six months to a year
30:37and then they brought him back in the shower.
30:39Yes, it was the next series.
30:41Because the series was so bad without him in,
30:43they made the last series, Genuinely, into a dream.
30:46Yes! Oh, my God!
30:48And then the next series started with whoever his wife was.
30:51Opening the shower. Opening the shower and he's there
30:53and she's dreamt the whole of the last series.
30:55OK, right, next up, David Guest.
30:57Everyone knows who David Guest was, don't they?
30:59That was the greatest clip of all time.
31:01But it was short, wasn't it? It was like...
31:03The reason I know how long it was
31:05is cos I watch that clip once every two months.
31:08OK, what about Harold Bishop?
31:10You're a bit of a neighbour. He went missing.
31:13Do you remember when they left his...
31:15So he went off to sea and then they just had a shot of his glasses.
31:18Would you like to be reminded of that tragic moment?
31:20Yes! No, I can't deal with it. Let's have a little look.
31:23Oh, I'll have to ask my husband.
31:26Oh, where's he gone? He was there a minute ago.
31:30Yes, I saw him. What's wrong?
31:33That swell can be dangerous at times.
31:35Oh, no, don't be ridiculous. He's there somewhere.
31:38I'll find sunshine rescue. No, no, no, he's all right. He's here.
31:41He's here somewhere. He has to be.
31:54Harold!
31:56Answer me, love!
31:59Harold!
32:02Harold!
32:04Oh, poor man.
32:06I remember that actually.
32:08I wouldn't be able to call my husband's name like that
32:11and it's not an argument. Do you know what I mean?
32:14OK, Marcel the monkey?
32:16I don't remember him dying.
32:18Who is... Who is presumed dead?
32:20It was Ross's pet monkey.
32:22Oh, Ross's monkey. That was sad.
32:25Yeah, but I don't remember him dying.
32:27Right, OK, well, I want you to lock in those answers.
32:30Who was presumed dead the longest amount of time?
32:33Is it Harold, David, Bobby or Marcel?
32:35Right, I want to see your answers now.
32:39Oh!
32:41OK.
32:42Alison's team, why did you go for Dallas?
32:45Because we just felt like it was a long time he was dead for.
32:50Full series. You guys? What do you think, Josh?
32:52We went Bishop. You think you know exact...?
32:54Well, he's gone for years.
32:56I feel like he's gone for 20 years.
32:59I'm sure he was doing panto in England for those ten years.
33:03Well, let's see if either of you are right.
33:06Let's start with David Guest. Let me set the scene.
33:08Angie Bowie has just been told that her ex-husband,
33:11David Bowie, has died.
33:12David Guest is feeling poorly, so he's resting in bed.
33:15Angie goes to her fellow housemate, Tiffany Pollard,
33:17to share her sad news.
33:19But Tiffany assumes it's David Guest who has died. Enjoy.
33:23Tiffany, you've got to do me a favour.
33:25Anything.
33:27You can't say a word.
33:29Nothing.
33:30David's dead.
33:31No, he's not.
33:32Shh, shh, shh.
33:34You can't. You can't. You can't do that.
33:39What the f*** is that?
33:41What? What? What?
33:42Sit down, babe. Sit down.
33:43They told me that David is dead.
33:46David's...
33:47Yes.
33:48David's...
33:49Yes.
33:50She said he just died and I can't f***ing hold this in by myself.
33:53No.
33:54Where's David?
33:55He's fine. He's fine. He's fine.
33:57What the f*** is she saying?
33:59What the hell?
34:00She told me that David died.
34:01You told her that David was dead with cancer?
34:03Yes, he is.
34:04He's in there, asleep.
34:06David?
34:07My ex-husband.
34:10That was the best thing ever.
34:12It's so good.
34:13Brilliant.
34:14You know it's gone too far when Daniela Westbrook is the voice of reason.
34:20Yep, David was presumed dead for around one minute and 11 seconds.
34:24Wow!
34:25Yep, so he goes straight to the top of the leaderboard, but for how long?
34:29Next up, it's Bobby Ewing from Dallas.
34:31Famously, Bobby was killed off in season eight,
34:33but producers decided to bring him back at the end of season nine.
34:37They got round it by saying the whole series had been dreamt
34:39by his wife, Pam, who woke up to see Bobby in the shower.
34:42In a story conjured up by a kid in year ten who was there on working days...
34:47..Bobby was presumed dead for a whole year,
34:49so he goes to the top of the leaderboard, but for how long?
34:53Marcel the monkey next.
34:55Ross was told his old pet monkey Marcel was dead
34:57when he visited him at the zoo.
34:59Five minutes later, he found out Marcel had been stolen
35:01and was now working in the entertainment industry.
35:04He was Philip Schofield's runner for a while.
35:08Marcel goes into second place, but for how long?
35:12Finally, big, bad, big bald bish.
35:15Back in 1991, Harold was washed out to sea
35:18and only his glasses were left on the rocks.
35:21He was presumed dead for five years...
35:25..before being discovered suffering from amnesia,
35:27working in a Salvation Army shop and calling himself Ted.
35:31OK, you get the points there, Josh's team. Well done.
35:36At the end of that round, Alison's team have three points,
35:39but in the lead is Josh's team with 11 points.
35:46It's the final round and it's happy endings.
35:48I'm going to wank you all off.
35:52Oh, my...
35:56Josh, I might need some help.
35:59I'm going to ask you some quick-fire questions about TV endings.
36:03There will be spoilers, deal with it.
36:05Both teams need to answer as many as possible before the time runs out.
36:09It's a buzzer round, so let's hear those buzzers again. Alison?
36:12I've started. Josh? So I'll finish.
36:14OK, there's everything to play for.
36:17Now you've got until you hear...
36:22OK, we all ready? Yeah.
36:24Fingers on the buzzers. Let's go.
36:29Dick Dastardly always fails to win at the end of... I've started.
36:32Wacky Races. Correct.
36:33What's the final puzzle called at the end of a Countdown... I've started.
36:36Conundrum. Correct.
36:37At the end of Taskmaster Series 13, who came last in the final scores?
36:41So I'll finish.
36:42Judy Love. Correct.
36:44Who started hosting Love Island when... I've started.
36:47Maya Jama. Correct.
36:49At the end of Gangs of London Series 1, who shoots Sean in the face?
36:53I've started.
36:54That's not fair. Is that correct?
36:56We had a question about you. Oh, OK.
37:02At the end of the question on who wants to be a millionaire,
37:04Gerry Clarkson usually asks, is that your final wish?
37:07So I'll finish. Answer. Answer.
37:08Correct.
37:09What position did Helen George finish on Strictly Come Dancing?
37:12So I'll finish. Last? I can't remember.
37:14No. So I'll finish.
37:16Correct. Six. Yes!
37:18This image is from the last episode of which 90s series?
37:21So I'll finish.
37:23Yes.
37:24Thank Lewis for me at the final words of which TV police inspector?
37:27So I'll finish.
37:29Correct.
37:30Well, that's time out!
37:32APPLAUSE
37:38Let's look at the final scores,
37:40and I can tell you that Josh's team are the winners!
37:43That was tight.
37:45You got a bit unlucky there.
37:47That's all for this week.
37:48Thanks so much to all our guests and thank you for watching.
37:51Goodnight!
38:13APPLAUSE