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00:00The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:26Welcome to Rob Becker's Smart TV,
00:28the show that's so into TV it calls playing with yourself a Hollywood handshake.
00:32As always, I'm joined by my two team captains,
00:34a woman who smells like flowers, Alison Hammond,
00:37and a man with year-round hay fever, Josh Whiddicombe.
00:45On Alison's team tonight is a BAFTA award-winning comedian, actor and writer
00:49who once said,
00:50I don't like humans touching me.
00:52Good luck sitting next to Hansie Hammond tonight.
00:54It's David Mitchell!
00:59Also on Alison's team is a star of Fleabag, Chewing Gum and Slow Horses,
01:04which basically makes him one costume drama away from a BAFTA.
01:07It's Khadif Cohan!
01:13On Josh's team tonight is a presenter best known for Naked Attraction,
01:16although apparently not, when she walked in on me getting changed earlier,
01:19to anything she was indifferent.
01:21It's Anna Richardson!
01:24Also on Josh's team is a star of Mr Big Stuff and Brassic,
01:29a show I didn't watch,
01:30because if I want to see a load of working-class people into petty crime,
01:33I'd go round me cousins.
01:35It's Ryan Samson!
01:40Welcome to the show, everyone.
01:42Before we start, can I check we all love TV?
01:44Yeah. That's all right. Apart from the shit, obviously.
01:48I think we can all agree, though, we're all massive fans of Naked Attraction.
01:52Very excited. Come on. We love Naked Attraction.
01:56Now, Anna, is it true that the boys wanted the studio warm
01:59and the ladies wanted it cold?
02:01100% true. Is that true?
02:03It's absolutely true. There's always a fight over the aircon,
02:06because the boys want the studio to be warm,
02:08because they want their knobs to be bigger,
02:10and the girls want the studio to be really cold,
02:13so that the nipples are harder.
02:15I have noticed it's very warm in here, that's all I'm saying.
02:19Can I ask a question about Naked Attraction?
02:22Do you want to be on it? No, no, I don't.
02:25I've heard from a friend that works on it,
02:28and he says the men between shots will just be kind of...
02:32There's a... There is...
02:34Genuinely, there is a lot of tugging that goes on.
02:37The girls are really well-behaved.
02:39They're clean, they're nice, the boys are always touching.
02:42We have had to stop recording.
02:44Because they get a full erection? No, because there's a little bit of...
02:47Blood. Oh, no. Blood?! No!
02:55He meant a lob on, not leeching.
02:58On a serious note, if you do see blood, contact your GP.
03:04That's why she's on this morning.
03:06Gear shifts like that.
03:08Ryan, have you done any nude scenes on Brassic and Plebs?
03:11I've had a lot of nude scenes, but I said to Danny Dyer recently,
03:14I was saying, you know when you've got a nude scene
03:16and then we've done quite a few on Brassic where you're walking round
03:19and I was like, you know, you have to hold your bits with one hand
03:22and he was like, one hand, baby.
03:24No, no, no, no, no. Shaming me.
03:26My methodology.
03:28Don't you get, like, a pouch?
03:30Well, sometimes you have to just shield yourself.
03:32I did a scene on Plebs.
03:34Do you just have to shield yourself or do you get a pouch?
03:36I get a pouch.
03:37Ryan, there seems to be a you problem.
03:39There's... Yeah.
03:41I've never been provided with you.
03:44You won't need one for that, you'll be all right.
03:46It'll be fine.
03:47Get a thumb in front of it.
03:51You have got the cutest little hands, though, ain't you?
03:53I thought you were going to say...
03:56When I did that, my pouch was the same colour as my skin, obviously,
04:00and it just looked like I had one massive testicle.
04:07I was like, this is great.
04:08Can't wait for my mum to see this.
04:10When we're getting naked and being filmed, like,
04:12for an acting part, we just have to hold a little cock pouch,
04:15you know, bum out.
04:16No-one has ever asked me to be nude.
04:18What about at work?
04:23When I was younger, I used to really wish that I had a penis,
04:27because I loved the way you used to be able to just lob it out
04:30anywhere you went and go to the toilet.
04:32Lob it out.
04:33And we'd have to literally, like, find a toilet.
04:35Like, you guys just get it out, don't you?
04:37I don't feel that I do.
04:41I've never felt that liberated to just lob it out.
04:46Lob it out, yeah, I don't think I've ever lobbed mine out.
04:48No, come on, have you never been in the forest
04:50and you really needed a toilet? In the forest!
04:52Oh, you can lob it out in the forest, yeah.
04:54But how often are you in the forest?
04:59OK, give it up for our teams!
05:05Right, it's to start the show, so we start with a round that starts
05:08with the title of shows, it's Roll The Titles.
05:10I'll play the theme music from one TV show
05:12over the title sequence of another,
05:14and you need to buzz in and name both shows to get the point.
05:17We'll play three mash-ups.
05:18The team that gets the most points gets the first pick
05:20of the show they want to answer questions on.
05:22Before we see the first mash-up, let's hear your buzzers.
05:25Alison?
05:27Josh?
05:29I'm not sure they were done by the actual actors from The Simpsons.
05:32No, it's Rob. It's Rob.
05:34It was me.
05:35Right, here's your first mash-up. Fingers on buzzers.
05:39MUSIC PLAYS
05:41I don't want to wait
05:43For all night
05:45Yes, Josh?
05:46It was The Traitors.
05:47Sean?
05:48And Dawson's Creek.
05:49Correct, well done, you get the points, yes.
05:55Well done, let's get them on the board.
05:57The Traitors and Dawson's Creek, one show full of people
06:00lying about being faithful, the other full of actors
06:02lying about their age.
06:04You get the point there, Josh.
06:05Here's your next mash-up.
06:07MUSIC PLAYS
06:15OK, Alison's team?
06:17Well, the pictures we think are changing rooms.
06:20OK.
06:21And the signature tune, we're guessing, is Doctors.
06:26Incorrect.
06:28It is Changing Rooms.
06:29It is Changing Rooms.
06:30I can tell you it is Changing Rooms, you was half right.
06:33It looks like one of those American teen dramas.
06:36It's a big show, it's a big show.
06:38The people in the audience are judging you guys right now.
06:40It's a big show, EastEnders.
06:42No, I can reveal...
06:44No-one gets the point, it was Changing Rooms
06:47and Gavin and Stacey.
06:49Oh!
06:50I thought it was Can't Believe Me.
06:52I've watched that as well, why didn't I remember?
06:55Here's your next one.
06:57MUSIC PLAYS
07:04Yes, Alison's team?
07:06So, it's definitely Baywatch.
07:09OK.
07:10There was quite a lot of...
07:12There was some penguins there.
07:13Is it Animal Watch? Animal Watch?
07:15Animal Watch?
07:16Is that to stop animals committing crime in your area?
07:20You go for it.
07:21Animal Planet.
07:22Yes.
07:23You're close, but you're incorrect.
07:25Baywatch was right.
07:26Josh's team?
07:28Planet Earth?
07:29And...
07:30Planet Earth and Baywatch.
07:32Yes, that's correct.
07:33Well done, it's Planet Earth and Baywatch.
07:36A stormy one.
07:37Of course it was.
07:39One show where David Attenborough lies on the rocks
07:41hoping to see a sea lion's puppies,
07:43the other where he lies on the sofa hoping to see Pamela Anderson.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:48OK, you get the points there, Josh's team.
07:50Well done.
07:51Josh, you've got the most correct,
07:53so you can choose which of the six shows you want to answer questions on.
07:56Changing Rooms is...
07:58..is the reason that I'm an actor, weirdly.
08:02Just a quick one, there's no actors in Changing Rooms.
08:04Yes.
08:05I think we should do Changing Rooms.
08:07We need to dig down into this, why did it make you want to be an actor?
08:10So, Changing Rooms, obsessed with it.
08:12Specifically obsessed with I really wanted to be Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen.
08:15Oh, he's great.
08:17I wanted to be an interior designer.
08:19I went down to London for the day
08:21and I met him in a bookshop in Charing Cross
08:24and he was on the phone and I had bought a book
08:27and I went up to him and I said,
08:29Llewellyn-Bowen, please, can you sign my book?
08:32And he went, he went,
08:34sorry, just some little kids asked for my bloody autograph.
08:38Oh, no!
08:40And in that moment, I thought,
08:42fuck you, Laurence.
08:45I don't want to be like you.
08:47And from then on, I decided to be an actor instead.
08:49Oh, wow.
08:54OK, well, this is perfect for you, then.
08:56You've chosen Changing Rooms, Josh's team.
08:58Changing Rooms was a home improvement show
09:00where neighbours got £500 to redo a room in each other's houses.
09:04The designers' ideas could be a little over the top
09:06and sometimes led to tears and tantrums.
09:09In this game, I'll show you the Changing Rooms makeover
09:12and then you have to guess whether they liked it or not.
09:15As a former presenter of Changing Rooms...
09:17Yes, I was going to bring this up, Emma, yes.
09:19I might know some of this.
09:21So what was it like, though, when they didn't like it?
09:24Were they really upset?
09:25Oh, wait, I mean, that's the point of Changing Rooms.
09:27It's with those designers, and I love them all,
09:29but they're not normal people, any of them.
09:31Lawrence isn't normal. No. They're not normal.
09:33Do you have a favourite?
09:34Well, obviously, Russell Whitehead and Jordan Clero.
09:37Absolutely, yep. First time I've heard both names.
09:42Josh's team, this is your first one. OK.
09:44Here are the homeowners, Joe and Steve.
09:47They wanted an open-plan warehouse space.
09:49This is what they got.
09:51What on earth possessed you to do Australia?
09:55It was what possessed Caroline and Glynne, I think.
09:58Oh, buck passing already.
10:00No, I think it was a great idea.
10:02I mean, we'll wait to see how well it goes down,
10:05but Australia would never be something
10:07that I would think of automatically.
10:09But I like the piano, I like the cushions and I like the frieze.
10:12I must admit, the pictures are quite good, actually.
10:15They look a bit iffy in the garden, but they look quite good
10:17now they're framed up and in the room.
10:19Thank you, thank you.
10:20OK, so, to help you out, I'll give you two options.
10:23You could say, I wanted space
10:25and there's nowhere more spacious than Australia.
10:27Surely not.
10:28Or B, it's Kylie Minogue on speed, it's everything I hate.
10:32It's got to be B, come on.
10:34It's not very Kylie Minogue on speed, that, though, is it?
10:37I also think that's, like, late 90s,
10:39that would have hit the zeitgeist.
10:41I'm starting to come round to A now. Are you?
10:44Neighbours was big, home and away was big.
10:46OK, you're a mega fan, so I think we go with A.
10:49We're going to go with A.
10:50OK, A, you think they said,
10:52Well, let's find out, see if you're right.
10:55Oh, my God.
10:57It's Kylie Minogue on speed!
10:59Oh, my God!
11:00Cheers, Rob.
11:02It is, it's like, it is, it's Barry Humphries' sanatorium.
11:08Oh, no!
11:09A coffee table, no, that flips up and you put kids' junk in there.
11:12That's a coffee table, I've always wanted a coffin.
11:15Is it Lawrence in there? Cos he will be, when I get home.
11:18I've never seen Kylie Minogue on speed before,
11:20but I'm pretty sure she doesn't look like a shit-front room.
11:26So, you're wrong, they didn't like their Australian-themed room,
11:29especially Joe, who absolutely hated it.
11:32I think if you go on changing rooms,
11:34you've got to prepare yourself that it might backfire.
11:36Did people have a choice to go on changing rooms?
11:41I always assumed it was like jury service.
11:45Now, fuck, we've got to go on changing rooms next month.
11:50No points there, Josh's team.
11:52How would Josh and Alison, how would you get on doing each other's decorating?
11:56I think I'd do a really good job in your house.
11:58What would you do? I'd brighten it up a little bit.
12:01You know, lots of bright colours.
12:03You've never been in my house.
12:05You say I've never been in your house, how many Zooms have we had?
12:08So, it's like I've been in your house anyway,
12:10and I think it's a little bit too, a bit dull.
12:12I think it needs more...
12:14Josh's wife is an interior designer.
12:16Oh, is she? Is she?
12:19I always thought she was good at that, you know.
12:23David, do you have a say in decor in your house?
12:26I'm often consulted,
12:29but then I often struggle to find any preference at all
12:33between the options given.
12:35You sort of go, I'm sure if I look deep within me,
12:38on some level I do give a shit.
12:42Finding curtains is so boring, isn't it?
12:44Who gives a fucking shit?
12:45There's so much more about curtains than you think.
12:49It's not just what they're made of or what colour they are,
12:52they're how they fucking runcle.
12:54Runcle!
12:57OK, Josh's team, here's your next one.
12:59This is Aidan and Helen.
13:01They wanted a chamber fit for a medieval king.
13:04Why?
13:05And this is what they got.
13:07The budget was £500 and you spent...
13:10..£492.17.
13:13I cut it really close, but, well, I mean, you know,
13:15£490 for this kind of, you know, modern, fusion,
13:18nudey, neoclassically big kind of arty statement,
13:21I think it's a real bargain.
13:24OK, well, yeah, that is the same man again, LLB,
13:27this time with a modern, fusion, nudey, neoclassical,
13:30big arty statement.
13:32Did Aidan say,
13:33Did Aidan say,
13:34there is no way I can sleep in here,
13:36I'll have too many erotic dreams, it's fabulous?
13:40Or B...
13:41Look at the picture of Aidan, he didn't strike me as that kind of guy.
13:44Well, staff him for the other option.
13:46OK.
13:50I think B.
13:51I think it's the kind of thing that Aidan...
13:53I think Aidan digs deep.
13:54I don't think he knows Italian.
13:56I don't think Aidan looks like the kind of man who knows Italian.
13:59To be fair, the first two words are Mamma Mia
14:02and there's no Italian for that.
14:04So I don't get whether the first one's a positive or a negative.
14:08No, it's a positive.
14:09What, that he's never going to sleep?
14:11Yeah, he's looking forward to a future of sleepless arousal.
14:17Did you get much sleep last night? No, 19 wanks, though.
14:21OK.
14:22A.
14:23A.
14:24Let's see if you're right.
14:25Wow.
14:27Good grief.
14:29Where's the naked man?
14:31Yeah, I never saw him.
14:32There is no way I can sleep in here.
14:34I'll have too many erotic dreams.
14:37Actually, it's fabulous.
14:39That is very good.
14:40Fabulous.
14:41Yeah?
14:42I'm really pleased, I'm really pleased.
14:46Yes, you're right, Josh.
14:47They love their Roman-style bedroom.
14:49Aidan, a bit too much.
14:50Well done.
14:51That's a point for you.
14:56Time now for a quick break, but first,
14:58can you tell me how did the contestant answer
15:00this question on Tipping Point?
15:02Let's come back to Dom.
15:03Time for your third and final question, Dom.
15:14Find out after the break.
15:29Welcome back to Rob Beckett's Smart TV.
15:32Before the break, I asked you how did the contestant
15:35answer this question on Tipping Point?
15:37Time for your third and final question, Dom.
15:49OK, what do you reckon he said? Any ideas?
15:51I know the answer, but I don't want to ruin the clip.
15:53OK, let's find out.
15:58What refers to nectar as the drink of the gods
16:01and which other substance as their food?
16:05I know he likes doughnuts.
16:09I think I'll go with doughnuts, please, Ben.
16:12OK.
16:14No, it's not doughnuts, it's ambrosia.
16:16Homer, of course, poet, scholar, bard, philosopher.
16:21There we go.
16:23Up next, Alison's team get to choose one of the TV shows
16:26on the board to answer questions on.
16:28OK, what are you going for, Alison? Oh, can we go for Traitors?
16:30Yeah, we've got to. Do you want to go for Traitors?
16:32Come on, it's the best show on TV!
16:34You're a big Traitors fan? Huge. Huge.
16:36I love it. Exciting. So good.
16:38OK, The Traitors is a show where 22 players compete
16:41in a series of missions in the hope of sharing a prize fund
16:44of up to £120,000.
16:46Amongst them are Faithfuls and Traitors.
16:49The Traitors meet in secret and decide who to eliminate
16:51from the Faithfuls in the hope of claiming
16:53the prize fund for themselves.
16:55It's basically like marriage counselling for strangers.
16:58You're a big fan, then. Alison, David, do you like Traitors?
17:01Oh, massive fan. Huge fan. Love it.
17:03Love a bit of Diane. She's mint.
17:05Fair enough. Right, well, you're going to like this.
17:08During the application process for The Traitors,
17:10potential contestants must complete a round of two truths and a lie.
17:14In this game, you're going to get behind-the-scenes secrets
17:17about the show and its contestants.
17:19All you have to do is determine which statement is the lie.
17:22To help us out, control yourself,
17:25please welcome some of the best liars in the business
17:27and heroes of season two of The Traitors,
17:30it's Harry, Diane and Paul!
17:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:40Welcome to the show.
17:42We're very excited to have you on.
17:44Yeah, I've been meaning to say this, Paul, you're a prick.
17:49And, Harry, you too.
17:53Now, guys, can you give us a quick recap on your time on The Traitors,
17:57starting with you, Harry?
17:59So, yeah, I was an original traitor, an OG,
18:02and the winner of series two.
18:04Because you double-crossed a woman that loved you!
18:07Because she loved you so much!
18:09Oh, my days. Diane?
18:11I was on series two and apparently I was a fan favourite,
18:16which is very complimentary, very sweet.
18:18Absolute hon.
18:19People thought Paul was my son, but actually it was Ross,
18:22the traitor, who was and is still my son.
18:26And Paul?
18:28Yeah, so I'm the prick from The Traitors, series two.
18:31Yeah, bit of a villain, and I was friends with Harry on there
18:34for about seven episodes until he just thought,
18:36I'm going to get him in the back.
18:38Is there anything you would say to Diane before we move on,
18:40because you love her?
18:41Marry me.
18:43Yeah.
18:45That's quick.
18:47So, Alison's team, here's your first question.
18:50The statements are all about how Harry, Diane and Paul
18:53got into character for the show.
18:55You're right.
18:56Remember, you're looking for who's lying.
18:58Now, take it away, Harry.
19:00Yeah, so to get into character for the show,
19:02I used to watch Lee Mack's clips on Would I Lie To You
19:05for inspiration.
19:06Is he your favourite team captain on Would I Lie To You?
19:13I'm not speaking anymore.
19:15Diane, your statement.
19:17To help me get into character,
19:19I took my son Ross out on a date night
19:21and got him to call me Diane all night.
19:23Oh, OK.
19:24And Paul?
19:25To get into character, I read American Psycho
19:28from page one to the last page on the train up to Scotland.
19:31OK. I can't believe that.
19:33How many pages is American Psycho?
19:36It's not many.
19:37I'd say it's...
19:38Now, that's detailed enough.
19:40I'd say it's a 300-er.
19:42A 300-er?
19:43400-er. It's like this.
19:45How long is the train journey?
19:47Oh, God, four-and-a-half, five hours.
19:49So that's quite a reading rate.
19:51Yeah.
19:52Diane, where did you take your son?
19:54What restaurant did you go to?
19:55It was a restaurant near where I live.
19:57And how did he do, like, calling Diane?
19:59Did he struggle?
20:00He did quite well, I don't know.
20:02When I say a date night, that would imply that I'm a lot younger.
20:05It sort of implies incest, Diane.
20:07LAUGHTER
20:09LAUGHTER
20:12Harry, what was your favourite lie that Lee Mack has told, then?
20:17I can't think of one off the top of my head.
20:19There was too many favourites.
20:21But you did that as you researched, you can't think of one.
20:23Well, it wasn't technically my research,
20:25it was just on that train up there.
20:27Liar.
20:29Why did you focus on Lee Mack?
20:32I would say he's the funniest.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:36So have I missed a sort of insult?
20:38Yeah, slightly. He implied Lee Mack was funnier.
20:40Oh, fuck off.
20:42LAUGHTER
20:46The Lee Mack thing, it's a hell of a coincidence, isn't it?
20:49Considering I'm on the show and so, you know...
20:52Exactly.
20:53This is Ludwig in action.
20:55So that's why...
20:56But that's why you think he's a liar?
20:58Yes.
20:59OK, so we say he's lying because he's been issued with the...
21:02He couldn't even remember the lie.
21:04..the occasion-specific lie.
21:06Whereas I still think it's a quick read of American Psycho,
21:09but it is.
21:10We need an answer now, we need an answer.
21:12Yeah, Harry is the liar.
21:13Harry's the liar.
21:14Once a liar, always a liar.
21:16Oh, OK.
21:17Let's see if you're right.
21:18Can the real traitor please reveal yourself?
21:23I am the traitor.
21:24Yes!
21:25Yes!
21:26Yes!
21:27Well done.
21:28I am the traitor.
21:30Sweet, sweet.
21:31You are.
21:32You are the traitor.
21:35Harry is the traitor again.
21:37Diane went on a pretend date with her son Ross
21:39and Paul read American Psycho on his train journey up to Scotland.
21:42Well done, you get a point, Alison's team.
21:49What about you?
21:50You'd love the show.
21:51What's the biggest lie you've ever told?
21:53Biggest lie I've ever told?
21:54Probably trying to get into drama school.
21:56I was auditioning for drama school.
21:58This particular round had a bit of dance to it
22:00and I was crapping myself.
22:01You had to do, like, corner work, like pirouettes,
22:03fouettés, all that, and I'm like, I can do a bit of street dance.
22:06So I pretended to faint.
22:08Did you?
22:09Pretended to faint.
22:10They were like, they dragged me out, gave me a banana.
22:12And I got into the school with a full scholarship.
22:14Well done.
22:15Yes, well done.
22:18Good work.
22:19OK, Alison's team, your next statements are about mishaps
22:22that didn't make the edit.
22:24OK.
22:25Harry, off you go.
22:26At Diane's funeral, I had the maddest allergic reaction
22:29ever to the horses, and they had to edit around
22:32a three-hour conversation between Paul and I
22:34where I just sneezed every single word.
22:37Diane?
22:38My mishap was somebody let out a rip-roaring fart
22:42at the round table when we were supposed to be quiet.
22:45In fact, it was Johnny, and they had to edit that out
22:49and they also had to edit me laughing out as well.
22:53Paul?
22:55I'd fallen on the show and I thought I broke my cotics
22:58and I had to spend literally the rest of the day
23:00sat on one of the donut blow-up pillows.
23:02OK, so we've got Sneezy Bastard, Smelly Bastard
23:05and Slippy Bastard here.
23:07Right, so I watched this show, right, where it said
23:10when somebody's lying, they always look up to the right.
23:14Right.
23:15And I've just seen Paul and I saw the direction he looked in.
23:19Yeah?
23:20And I now think he's a liar.
23:22Because he looked up to the right?
23:23He looked up to the right.
23:24Oh, OK.
23:25When he was talking about his story, he looked up...
23:27He looked up to the right.
23:28OK.
23:29You're the liar.
23:30Wow.
23:31I don't think Diane says, I think she's telling the truth.
23:33See, I don't think she's telling the truth.
23:35I think she's lying here.
23:36Probably because, right, if someone farts in a room,
23:38there's loads of lads, they're going to laugh.
23:40Why was she the only one?
23:41Also, I have to say, I think the massive audible fart in public
23:45is something that happens more in fiction than in real life.
23:48No, Bob, no.
23:49I mean, it's just one of the really...
23:51You've obviously not lived with Ross for very long, then.
23:54Or at all.
23:55I haven't lived with Ross.
23:58She's got me there.
24:01I'm going to push for answer.
24:02Any more questions?
24:03Horse sneezing.
24:04Have you suffered with hay fever as well?
24:06Yeah, bad.
24:07Do you? Have you got allergies?
24:08Proper, yeah, yeah.
24:09I actually believe him.
24:10What do you take for them?
24:11I actually can't remember the name.
24:13Sorry?
24:14It's a pink tablet, I know that much.
24:15You know the colour of the tablet, but not what it contains.
24:18Yeah, no, I can't remember the name.
24:19It's because it's a mad word.
24:21Do you know he just doesn't know what he takes for his allergies?
24:25I was very happy with your looking-up-right-left reasoning,
24:28but now he wants us to believe he's got hay fever
24:31and he doesn't know what he takes for it.
24:33You know when you're telling the truth,
24:35but you can't remember certain pills and stuff.
24:37Right, OK, well, what do you think? I need an answer.
24:39I think it's...
24:40We think it's Paul, yeah.
24:41We'll go with Paul.
24:42OK, you think Paul was lying about bruising his coccyx.
24:45Will the real traitor please reveal yourself?
24:52It was me.
24:54Yes!
24:55Well done.
24:56Oh, my God.
24:59Oh, my God.
25:00There we go.
25:01Happy about that?
25:02Yeah.
25:03If you were in MI5, they wouldn't need torture.
25:07You're right, Paul is the traitor.
25:09Well done, Alison's team.
25:10Harry had an allergic reaction to the horses at Diane's funeral
25:14and Johnny did a rip-roaring fart beside Diane at the round table.
25:18OK, thanks to our special guests and the traitors,
25:20let's hear it for Harry, Diane and Paul!
25:29So, Alison's team, at the end of that round, you've scored two points,
25:33but Josh's team have three points.
25:35Come on!
25:37Our next round is called Tune In
25:39and is all about identifying classic TV theme tunes.
25:42This week, all the theme tunes are from Kids TV.
25:45Anyone got any favourite Kids TV theme tunes?
25:47I loved Round The Twist.
25:49Have you ever, ever felt like this?
25:51When strange things happen...
25:53When you're going round...
25:55Going round the twist.
25:56That's it.
25:58Each team will be given five theme tunes to guess,
26:01but you'll play it against a clock.
26:03The quicker you guess a theme tune, the more points you win,
26:05but if you take too long to get it, you start losing points.
26:08If you give me the correct answer, we'll stop the theme-o-meter
26:11and you'll receive the points that correspond with where it's stopped.
26:15But if you go on too long, you'll go into negative points,
26:18so be quick.
26:19Can we guess before it starts?
26:22Blue Peter.
26:24Crack attack.
26:25OK.
26:26Alison's team, please be Blue Peter.
26:28Your first shout when you know the answer.
26:30Here's your first theme tune.
26:32Fire up the theme-o-meter.
26:35OK.
26:36Blue Peter!
26:42Right, OK, that was three points for Blue Peter.
26:45Well done. Here's your next one.
26:48MUSIC PLAYS
26:50Oh, got it, Pokemon!
26:52Correct.
26:53Well done.
26:55Yes!
26:56I used to sing that at auditions.
26:58Really? And you've still got jobs.
27:00I've got slow horses.
27:02Is it? No.
27:03OK, you're right, it's Pokemon.
27:05You've got two points. Well done.
27:07My team's killing it. Killing it.
27:09Here's another one.
27:13Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
27:15Yes, correct.
27:16Yes!
27:18Well done.
27:19Yes.
27:21Well done.
27:22That is two more points.
27:24Right.
27:25On to the next one. Here we go.
27:27Another one, right.
27:28Great Hill!
27:29Correct.
27:30Great Hill!
27:31You're on fire!
27:32That's three.
27:33Is that three?
27:34That's three points.
27:35Great.
27:36Could we just see again,
27:38I don't know if there's a slow-mo,
27:40of how much David shat himself when Alison shouted.
27:43We've got a slow-mo of you shitting yourself, David.
27:45Oh, thank you.
27:46Oh, thank you.
27:47Oh, lovely.
27:48Can I see that?
27:50Great Hill!
27:54Great...
27:59All right.
28:01OK, here's your final one.
28:03OK.
28:06Thomas the Tank Engine!
28:08Yes!
28:09My son used to love that.
28:12Yes!
28:14You're right, that was Thomas the Tank Engine.
28:16That's another three points.
28:18Well done, Alison's team.
28:19Oh, my son used to love that.
28:21You scored 13 points.
28:23Wow!
28:24Wow!
28:27That's made the early part of the game irrelevant.
28:29Yes, it has.
28:30There we go.
28:31Right, big round here, Josh's team.
28:33OK, here's your first one.
28:36TRAP DOOR
28:37COUNTDOWN KILLER
28:39GHOSTBUSTERS
28:41Inspector Gadget.
28:42Correct, Inspector Gadget.
28:44Well done.
28:45You got zero points.
28:50What a waste of everybody's time.
28:53This is cos we've not gelled like they have.
28:55I know.
28:56But bringing up not gelling doesn't make you gel, does it?
29:01OK, here we go.
29:04RAINBOW
29:05Yes!
29:06Correct.
29:07Well done.
29:09We're not dead yet!
29:10We're coming for you!
29:11There you go, yes, that was...
29:13We've been written off too early!
29:16Three points for Rainbow, well done.
29:18My mother-in-law invented zippy.
29:20Bit of trivia.
29:21Stop it!
29:22Did she model it on you?
29:28Or did you model yourself on it?
29:31I don't know, but it's a very worrying question for your wife.
29:33Yeah, she's had to go through a lot of therapy,
29:36that's for sure.
29:37Right, here's your next one.
29:41Oh!
29:42Um, it's Rugrats.
29:43Correct, well done.
29:45Christ, this is hard.
29:46This is really difficult.
29:49That was Rugrats at one point there, well done.
29:52OK, here's your next one.
29:57Never heard of Calling My Life.
30:00I know what it is!
30:04I've never heard that.
30:05OK, it's a big, fat...
30:06Dance your cares away, uh-uh
30:08Worries for another day
30:10Let the music play
30:12Down at Fraggle Rock
30:13Oh, Fraggle Rock, yes!
30:15Yes, Fraggle Rock, well done.
30:20Well done, Alison, you got that right, it was Fraggle Rock,
30:22but no points for you, but minus three for you guys.
30:25Oh, God!
30:26OK, here's your final one, you need this.
30:28We need it, yeah.
30:32Oh, what the fuck is that?
30:34It's going to go to minus.
30:36Oh, this is horrible.
30:37This is...
30:38This is awful.
30:40A Miley Cyrus thing, Hannah Montana.
30:42Oh, correct to the end, well done!
30:45I told you I was worth anything, wasn't I?
30:47Wow.
30:48No.
30:49You've got to hit the button.
30:50Yeah, so that was minus three,
30:51but it's quite weird that you know that.
30:54Cos I'd say when that was on telly, you were a man.
31:01That's so cruel.
31:03He got the answer right and now he's being victimised for it.
31:07OK.
31:08Yes, that was Hannah Montana, well done, Josh's team.
31:11You got minus two points there.
31:13Oh!
31:14So, at the end of that round, Josh's team have one point,
31:17but Alison's team have 15!
31:23OK, time for a quick break, see you in a bit.
31:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:39Welcome back to Rob Beckett's Smart TV.
31:41Next up is a round called Life Stories,
31:43where we take a look into the bonkers backstories
31:45of some of TV's most famous faces.
31:48I'll ask you a question
31:49and then show you a load of famous personalities,
31:51both fictional and real,
31:53and then you'll need to decide who tops the list.
31:56Right, here is your question.
31:57Who has fallen from the greatest height?
32:00OK, well, here's your line-up.
32:02A lovely, jubbly Del Boy on Only Fools And Horses,
32:04the diva of Dagenham, Gemma Collins,
32:06at the Radio 1 Teen Awards,
32:08the Warford warbler, Barry from EastEnders,
32:11and one for the catchphrase fan's former host, Nick Weir.
32:14OK, so Del Boy obviously fell through a bar,
32:17so he's fallen from about five foot seven.
32:19I should say that Gemma Collins' clip is something else.
32:23Well, she's fallen quite a few times, hasn't she?
32:25She's fallen on Dunstan and Ives.
32:27Correct.
32:28Am I wrong in saying she did a skydive?
32:30I wouldn't call that falling, would you?
32:32That doesn't count as falling.
32:34We're talking specifically about Gemma Collins
32:36at the Radio 1 Teen Awards.
32:37Yeah, yeah.
32:38That was a horrible fall.
32:39Oh, that was an awful clip that fell through there.
32:42Oh, yeah, I stopped watching the Radio 1 Teen Awards after that.
32:47Barry was pushed off a mountain by Janine.
32:50Cliff.
32:51Yes, Cliff.
32:52What is the difference?
32:53Sorry.
32:54That one's a sheer edge.
32:55Oh, right, yeah, sorry.
32:56Oh, you mean...
32:57Yeah, you get pushed down a mountain and off a cliff.
32:59Fucking hell.
33:00Yeah, so Janine did push Barry off a cliff and he toppled to his death.
33:04Did she push him, though?
33:05She later said he tripped on his laces
33:08and then delivered this classic line.
33:10If only I'd have been there, Nat,
33:12then I would have seen his shoelace
33:14and I would have done it up for him.
33:17Poetry of flowers.
33:20If only...
33:22If only he hadn't been so romantic.
33:25If only...
33:28If only he just didn't have so much love in him.
33:34If only he'd worn slip-on shoes.
33:39There we go.
33:40Slip-on shoes.
33:43Barry Evans, RIP.
33:45He would have loved Crocs.
33:48And who is Nick Weir, the TV presenter?
33:50He used to present Catchphrase for a season.
33:52Oh, OK.
33:53Why was his career on it so short-lived?
33:55On the first episode,
33:57he decided to come down through the...
34:00You know, you can see those stairs there.
34:02Oh, I remember the stairs.
34:03And he fell down and he broke his ankle.
34:06OK, we've had a bit of time to think.
34:08Who do you think fell from the greatest height?
34:10Gemma Collins, Nick Weir, Barry Freese, Dennis or Dale Boy,
34:12have you picked?
34:13Yeah, we have.
34:14OK, now, I want you to hold up the famous face
34:16of who you think has fallen from the greatest height now.
34:19Oh, double Baz.
34:21Almost a tie.
34:22A rare treat, a double Barry.
34:24Well done for Barry, Alison.
34:25Because a cliff is pretty high up, I would say.
34:28Well done, yeah.
34:29Yeah, as soon as words like cliff and mountain were being discussed.
34:33Barry, as well?
34:35Barry, yeah, because he fell off a cliff.
34:37Nick Weir fell down some stairs.
34:39Gemma Collins fell in, like, a hole in a stage.
34:41Fell down a trapdoor, was it, or something?
34:43Yeah.
34:44It's very unlikely to be a mountain's height worth of depth,
34:47even at something as amazing as the Radio 1 Teen in this.
34:51OK, let's look at the leaderboard and see if you're right.
34:54Up first is Dale Boy.
34:55Now, he basically fell from his own height, which is 1.68m.
34:59Brilliant.
35:00Not very far, but he's in first place for now.
35:02But for how long?
35:03The GC up next, did she fall further than Derek Trotter?
35:07Well, the fall we're talking about is the one at the Radio 1 Teen Awards
35:10when Gemma fell through the stage.
35:12Gemma fell through a hole we estimate is 2.5m,
35:16which puts her into first place.
35:18But for how long, I hear you cry.
35:20Next up is Barry from EastEnders.
35:22As we know, Barry's wife Janine pushed him off a cliff
35:25during their honeymoon in the Highlands.
35:27The scenes were filmed off the A83 in Scotland
35:30and someone has actually put a memorial plaque at the site.
35:34LAUGHTER
35:36There we go.
35:38We estimate that Barry tumbled 20m down that cliff.
35:41That puts Barry firmly in first place.
35:43But for how long?
35:45Finally, Nick Weir.
35:46During his first ever appearance as the new host of Catchphrase,
35:49he managed to stack it down the stairs at the start of the show.
35:52Let's have a look.
35:53The show where a man gives you money for stating the obvious.
35:57So, obviously, it's Nick Weir.
35:59CHEERING
36:01Come on!
36:05I'll be all right.
36:07Ooh!
36:09Despite only falling down five stairs,
36:11he broke his foot and had to present the next episode on crutches.
36:15That happened yesterday and I've just come back from hospital.
36:18No, I've really hurt myself.
36:21Actually, I've broken my foot, look.
36:25But in best show business tradition, the show must go on,
36:28so welcome to Crutchphrase.
36:31I'm Nick Weir and I'm plastered!
36:35Someone still on the morphine?
36:37Is that why he stopped presenting it?
36:40I think it's important that he should be able to continue to believe that.
36:44LAUGHTER
36:49So, he fell two metres, 73 in total.
36:53He goes into second place, but it's no match for Big Bad Baz,
36:56so congratulations to Josh and Alison's teams.
37:01Josh's team, at the end of that round,
37:03you've scored two points, but Alison's team have 60!
37:06CHEERING
37:10OK, it's nearly the end of the show, but like all good TV,
37:14we've got time for a final nail-biting cliffhanger.
37:16This final nail-biting cliffhanger is called Happy Endings.
37:19This is the part of the show where I wank you all off.
37:23I'm going to ask you some quick-fire questions about TV endings.
37:26Both teams need to answer as many as possible before the time runs out.
37:30Let's hear those buzzers again. Alison.
37:32D'oh!
37:33Josh. Aye, caramba!
37:35OK, teams, that's everything to play for.
37:37You've got until you hear this.
37:39MUSIC PLAYS
37:43Oh, see?
37:45When that went off one of the most famous theme tunes of all time,
37:48the A team, Alison said, Dallas!
37:53OK, are you ready? Let's go.
37:56Finish the title of this show presented by Anna Richardson.
37:59Sex in lockdown, keep...
38:01Aye, caramba!
38:03Was it Britain Shagging?
38:05No. Keep Horny and Carry On.
38:08Put your two answers together.
38:10Keep Shagging and Carry On. Correct.
38:12This is the part where disgraced agents end up in slow horses.
38:15Aye, caramba!
38:16Slough House. Correct.
38:18At the end of Pop Stars... You're in it, mate!
38:22At the end of Pop Stars The Rivals, which group won the show?
38:25Aye, caramba!
38:26Girls Aloud. Correct.
38:28Finish this quote from Mark in Peep Show.
38:30Frosties are just cornflakes for people who can't...
38:33D'oh!
38:34..face reality. Correct.
38:36Finish this quote from Tom Owen Brassic.
38:39No, I've tried it in my time, and that, my friend, that is not what?
38:43Aye, caramba!
38:44I'm just buzzing in for you.
38:46That is not...
38:48No, sorry.
38:50Spunk.
38:52I think you'd remember saying that, wouldn't you?
38:54I really wouldn't. OK.
38:57What is Peppa Pig's last name?
38:59Aye, caramba!
39:00Pig. Correct.
39:04That is the end of this show.
39:06Dallas!
39:10There we go.
39:11Time's up.
39:12Well, that was tense, wasn't it?
39:14I wonder what's happened.
39:15Let's have a look at the final scores.
39:17Come on!
39:18I can tell you that Alison's team are our winners!
39:21Yes!
39:22CHEERING
39:24Well done, Alison's team.
39:26That's all for this week.
39:27Thanks so much to all of our guests
39:29and for you guys for watching at home, goodnight!
39:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE