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00:00Oh, boy.
00:05What?
00:06I can't comment without violating our agreement that I not criticize your work.
00:11Then what was oh, boy?
00:13Great restraint on my part.
00:17There's nothing wrong with the science here.
00:19Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
00:30Okay, how's that?
00:32You actually had it right in the first place.
00:36Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks.
00:40Bazinga.
00:44They're called tattoo sleeves. Look.
00:48Yeah, I bought them online. Raj got a set, too.
00:54Fantastic, right?
00:55Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business peers,
00:58take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
01:03You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nightclub.
01:06Really?
01:07Bazinga.
01:10None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?
01:14You're listening to NPR Science Friday.
01:18Joining us today by phone from his office in Pasadena, California, is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
01:24This is going to be a whack.
01:29Thanks for being with us today, Dr. Cooper.
01:31My pleasure, Ira.
01:33Now let's talk about magnetic monopoles.
01:36Can you explain to our audience just what a monopole is?
01:41Of course.
01:42First, consider an ordinary magnet, which has, as even the most uneducated in your audience must know, two poles.
01:53A north and south pole.
01:56If you cut that in half, you have two smaller magnets, each with its own north and south pole.
02:03Dr. Cooper, I think there might be something wrong with our connection.
02:07No, I hear you fine.
02:10As I was saying, an ordinary magnet has two poles.
02:14The primary characteristic of a monopole is that it has only one pole, hence monopole.
02:22One of the requirements for strengthening or interfering, if you will, is the existence of a monopole.
02:28Combine these chemicals with ordinary dish soap, creating a little exothermic release of oxygen.
02:38Oh!
02:41Oh!
02:47For me, vengeance.
02:48Yes, exactly.
02:50Brilliant, Sheldon. How are we going to deploy it in Kripke's office?
02:53Already taken care of.
02:55Observe.
02:57This is a live shot of Kripke's lab via a mini webcam I was able to install, thanks to a dollar bill discreetly placed in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
03:07At the same time, I also secured large quantities of these chemicals above the tiles in the drop ceiling.
03:13Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
03:19You flatter me, sir.
03:21Let me guess, motion sensors?
03:23Yes. The reaction will be triggered when Kripke reaches the center of the room.
03:27Mwahaha.
03:32I gotta say, I am really impressed.
03:35This is truly the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
03:44It may be low-tech, but I still maintain the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
03:50Here comes Kripke.
03:52Who is that with him?
03:54I believe that's the president of the university.
03:56And the board of directors.
03:57Abort! Abort!
03:58There is no abort.
03:59Well, how could you not put in an abort?
04:00I made a boo-boo, all right?
04:03I think the board will really appreciate how well we're using that NSA grant, President Sieber.
04:07Right here we have a micro-controlled plasma...
04:17Wow. Looks like the Ganges on Laundry Day.
04:23At least they don't know it was you.
04:25Hello, Kripke.
04:28This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper.
04:34If you'd like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube.
04:41Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
04:52Well, I'm going back to India. What's your plan?
05:05You said I could buy a desk.
05:07This isn't a desk. This is a brobding nagging monstrosity.
05:13Is that the American idiom for giant big-ass desk?
05:18It's actually British.
05:21Say it again for me.
05:22Brobding nagging.
05:24One more time.
05:25Brobding nagging.
05:27Now three times fast.
05:28Brobding nagging. Brobding nagging.
05:34How did you even get it in here?
05:36That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus, and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.
05:42All right, you've made your point. A fine prank. Very amusing. Now get it out.
05:50No.
05:51Yes.
05:52No.
05:53Yes.
05:54No.
05:55Yes.
05:56I have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon. I can do this all day.
05:58All right, if you're not going to remove it, I'll remove it for you.
06:02Knock yourself out.
06:16Help me move my desk.
06:17No.
06:18Yes.
06:19No.
06:20It's too Brobding nagging.
06:23What's that smell?
06:30Yes?
06:32What are you doing in there?
06:34I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas. Just a little experiment in pest control.
06:41It's not going to work, dude. I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street
06:46and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
06:50We'll just see how long you can hold out.
06:52Well, we'll just see how your noxious gas fares against my cinnamon apple scented aromatherapy candles.
06:59Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
07:02Yes.
07:03Isn't that flammable?
07:04Highly.
07:06Oh, dear.
07:17This is not over.
07:22Be sure to check the mail.
07:24How many times are you going to tell me? What's with you?
07:26Nothing.
07:27It's not suspicious that I'm fixating. It's consistent with my personality.
07:32Right.
07:33Hey, guys.
07:34More Halloween candy? Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
07:37Oh, yeah. That's gone.
07:41It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.
07:46Leonard doesn't have time to chat. He has to get the mail.
07:49Will you relax? I'll get it in a minute.
07:51Hey, how was work?
07:52Open the mail.
07:54Excuse me.
08:03A couple of circulars. Nothing important.
08:06What's with him?
08:07Hang on.
08:19You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
08:25What's up?
08:27It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials.
08:32I hopped on the first bus and high-tailed it down here to shake your hand.
08:36You put her there, you old so-and-so.
08:40I'm going to see you at work in 12 hours.
08:43Don't you think you could have waited until then?
08:46Holy smoke! Why didn't I think of that?
08:49You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz.
08:51You put her there, you son of a gun.
08:55Whatever.
08:58Oh, it's...
09:03Oh my God, Howie! What did you do?
09:06It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look.
09:09Howard has a heart condition, you know that?
09:12I thought he made that up.
09:14Isn't hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
09:21This is adrenaline. We're going to have to inject it into his heart.
09:24We are?
09:25We are. I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate and we've only got one shot.
09:30Oh no, I can't.
09:33Hurry, we're running out of time.
09:36Okay.
09:37Just do it!
09:38Oh God!
09:39One, two, three.
09:43Trick or treat, bubbla.
09:45What?
09:48No! You mean this was all a ruse?
09:51How can I be so stupid?
10:01Bazinga, punk. Now we're even.
10:05Oh, bother.
10:07Isn't that just always the way? You go to Staple something and you're out of staples.
10:12Gosh, I wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples.
10:18You ever think of paperclips right there?
10:20Well, no, no. I need something more permanent to join these papers.
10:25Say, don't you keep staples in your top desk drawer?
10:30I don't know, maybe.
10:32Be a lamb and check.
10:36Alright.
10:40Who do we have here?
10:44It's a snake. It's a terrifying snake.
10:48Did some bad man put us in a drawer?
10:52Stop talking like that. You've been rendered speechless by fear.
10:57Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice.
11:04I tried to scare an Indian with a snake.
11:08Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.
11:10Sheldon, it took me all morning, but I found the owner of the video store.
11:14And I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool.
11:20Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved.
11:29And I'd just like to point out that even though the sweater was uncomfortable,
11:33I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me.
11:37You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin.
11:41Or it's resolved.
11:45Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good.
11:49I believe this is yours.
11:54Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options.
11:57Video store owner Nerses Manukian has no next of kin.
12:01Well, you seem hot under the collar. Or is that the sweater?
12:06Oh, no, no, it's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held.
12:12According to Father Solakian, no one attended.
12:15Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste.
12:17I lit a candle and prayed for your death, but I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work.
12:23This is over, right?
12:25Not necessarily.
12:27I suggest you look for long-lost relatives, either in Armenia or Lebanon.
12:36Listen to me, Sheldon.
12:38I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Brothers the movie!
12:45You know, it might be fun.
12:47You love hummus.
12:50Why isn't this bothering you?
12:53Isn't your brain getting itchy?
12:55This is on your card.
12:57This could be ruining your credit score.
12:59Why isn't this making you crazy?
13:04Leonard.
13:07I have something to tell you.
13:09But I want you to promise not to flip out.
13:12To what?
13:15Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it.
13:28What?
13:31I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought,
13:34someday, this might be a teachable moment.
14:02What?
14:13Hey, Sheldon.
14:14Hello.
14:20Oh my God, you look amazing.
14:23I find you guilty of murder because you are killing it.
14:28Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter.
14:32They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.
14:41Why are you laughing?
14:43His statement was factually correct.
14:46You're sitting in my spot.
14:50You don't have a spot.
14:51What is wrong with you today?
14:53He's cranky because he's off his bathroom schedule.
14:57Oh, I can understand how that would make someone irritable.
15:00Interesting fact.
15:02Irritable comes from the Latin, susceptible to anger.
15:06Just because I used a word doesn't mean I want its etymology.
15:09Interesting fact.
15:10Etymology comes from the Greek.
15:12You are being so annoying.
15:13Stop it.
15:15Why are you two laughing?
15:18Sheldon, he's being you.
15:20He says you for Halloween.
15:34Oh.
15:36So you're not laughing at him.
15:38You're laughing at me.
15:40We're not laughing at you.
15:41We're laughing with you.
15:43But I'm not laughing.
15:46I'm the first one.