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FunTranscript
00:00I must say, Penny, this is great fun.
00:02Glad you're enjoying yourself.
00:04Until I met you and Bernadette,
00:06my trips to the bathroom had been entirely focused
00:08on elimination.
00:10Now they have a delightful social aspect.
00:13Amy, you must have been in the bathroom
00:15with other women before.
00:19Of course I have.
00:20But they were strangers and seemed off-put
00:22when I engaged in friendly stall-to-stall chit-chats.
00:26Some women don't like to get chummy
00:27when their panties are down.
00:31You okay in there, bestie?
00:32I'm fine.
00:34The reason I ask is that many people
00:35experience bladder shyness,
00:37the inability to pass urine.
00:38Yeah, I said I'm fine. Stop talking to me.
00:41Is she always this crabby when she urinates?
00:43We're really not that close.
00:47Screw it. I'll go later.
00:49And I'll be right by your side.
00:52That's okay. You can just sleep here.
00:55Oh, good. A slumber party.
00:57We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls,
00:59and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties.
01:03Oh, gosh, Amy, I don't know if I would call this
01:05an actual slumber party.
01:06Oh, that's disappointing.
01:08I've always wanted to be invited to a slumber party.
01:10You never were?
01:11Not even when you were a kid?
01:13Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out
01:15and I shared a room with a little Vietnamese girl.
01:19She didn't make it through the night,
01:20but up till then, it was kind of fun.
01:25Okay, well, I guess we're having a slumber party.
01:28Oh!
01:32Pillow fight!
01:34These are my friends, Bernadette and Amy.
01:36Hi.
01:37Hey.
01:38Oh.
01:42Okay, well, it's good to see you.
01:43Yeah, you too.
01:45He's really cute. How do you know him?
01:47Oh, we went out a couple times.
01:49I'm often flummoxed by current slang.
01:51Does went out mean had intercourse?
01:54Yes.
01:55No, no.
01:56But in this case, yes.
01:59Interesting. And was it not satisfactory?
02:01No, it was great.
02:02He just didn't really challenge me on an intellectual level.
02:05Couldn't you just fool around with him
02:07and then listen to NPR?
02:10Wouldn't help.
02:11Zack can't even spell NPR.
02:14It's what I do with Howard.
02:15I'm much smarter than he is,
02:17but it's important to protect his manhood.
02:22Pooh!
02:24What's the matter?
02:26I'm suddenly feeling flushed.
02:28My heart rate is elevated.
02:29My palms are clammy.
02:31My mouth is dry.
02:32In addition, I keep involuntarily saying,
02:34Pooh!
02:37Oh, we know what's causing that, don't we?
02:39It's no mystery.
02:41I obviously have the flu
02:42coupled with sudden onset Tourette's syndrome.
02:46So what's the thanks I get
02:47for turning Leonard into quality boyfriend material?
02:50I have to tiptoe around his new girlfriend.
02:53I think you're on.
02:54Oh.
02:55Fat bitch!
02:59Want some coffee liqueur on your ice cream?
03:01Ah, here's the alcohol and drug peer pressure
03:03Mother warned me about.
03:06I was starting to think it was never gonna happen.
03:09Yes, please.
03:11Priya just made a snide comment about your acting career.
03:14What the hell did she say?
03:16She thinks it's cool you're following your dream no matter what.
03:21Fat bitch!
03:24How do you want to handle it?
03:26Um, okay.
03:27Tell Bernadette to tell Priya
03:29that I'm on my way to Prague
03:31to shoot a movie with Angelina Jolie.
03:33Got it.
03:35Is it gonna be in 3-D?
03:38What? I don't know. It doesn't matter.
03:40I'm gonna say 3-D.
03:41That'll let her know the studio has faith in it.
03:46You're kidding. 3-D?
03:50That's what I hear.
03:52The studio must have real faith in it.
03:56Maid of Honor, Amy Farrah Fowler's
03:58amazing behind-the-scenes wedding video.
04:00Take one.
04:04We're just trying on dresses.
04:05Do we really need to record this?
04:08I'm sorry, are you the maid of honor?
04:12I am the bride.
04:14So, no. And action!
04:18What do you think?
04:19Oh, I love it!
04:21What are you, a nun?
04:22Come on, bestie, let's see some skin.
04:27Ooh, Amy, looking sexy.
04:29You think they don't have mirrors in there?
04:31I know how I look.
04:38Oh!
04:40Bernadette, you look beautiful!
04:43You do.
04:45Not Penny beautiful, but beautiful.
04:50Come on, bestie, you're up.
04:52Gimme a minute.
04:53What is taking you so long?
04:56Oh, Amy, get the hell out of here!
04:58Sorry, sorry!
04:59Oh, God!
05:00Amy!
05:01Sorry!
05:02Tammy Bodnick.
05:03One time while I was in gym class,
05:05she stole all my clothes
05:06and left an elf costume in my locker.
05:10Oh, that's awful.
05:11Worst part was, it was too big.
05:15That's nothing.
05:16In ninth grade,
05:17the girls put Rogaine in my hand lotion.
05:20Within six months,
05:21the nicknames began to fly.
05:23I think the one that hurt the most
05:24was Gorilla Fingers Fowler.
05:29Wow, you poor thing.
05:31What about you?
05:33Oh, I don't know.
05:34I guess my school was a nice place.
05:35We didn't really have bullies.
05:37Come on, no one ever
05:38gave anyone mean nicknames
05:39or picked on them
05:40or put gum in their hairy knuckles
05:42so the school nurse had to use peanut butter
05:43to get it out?
05:46No, we weren't really like that.
05:47I mean, look, we played pranks on each other,
05:49but it was never mean.
05:50Like, okay, this one girl, Kathy Geiger,
05:52got really good grades,
05:53so we blindfolded her, tied her up,
05:54and left her in a cornfield overnight.
05:59God, that's awful.
06:00No, it was funny.
06:01Everyone laughed.
06:04Did Kathy Geiger laugh?
06:05Uh, probably.
06:06It's hard to say.
06:07She kind of had an ear of corn in her mouth.
06:12Who would have thought
06:13Fuzzy Fingers Fowler
06:14is best friends with a bully?
06:16What?
06:17I was not a bully.
06:18Kind of sounds like you were.
06:20Maybe a felon.
06:25Shh, that's how you wind up in a cornfield.
06:31I don't feel good about this.
06:32Then sit in the car and keep it running.
06:36You were right.
06:37A whole new load.
06:41Come on, yoga top.
06:42Mama needs a new yoga top.
06:44Check it out, Bernadette.
06:45Suede boots.
06:46Your size.
06:48God, they're cute.
06:49Oh, why did they have to be cute?
06:52Wait, wait, wait, wait.
06:53Guys, just hang on.
06:54What is it, the fuzz?
07:00Look at us.
07:01What are we doing?
07:03I was gleefully following you
07:04to a life of crime
07:05looking forward to the day
07:06we might be cellmates.
07:12I don't know about Bernadette.
07:16No, this is wrong.
07:18Let's put everything back.
07:19Come on.
07:20Here.
07:31It's okay.
07:32I serve soup to poor people.
07:34I got you a little something.
07:36A little something?
07:42What?
07:43This is huge.
07:44What's huge
07:45is what you've done for me.
07:46Oh, no, Amy,
07:47I haven't done anything.
07:48No, no, before I met you
07:49I was a mousy wallflower.
07:51But look at me now.
07:52I'm like some kind of
07:53downtown hipster party girl.
07:56With a posse,
07:57a boyfriend,
07:58and a new lace bra
07:59that hooks in the front of all things.
08:02Open it, open it.
08:04Okay.
08:14I wanted to get you
08:15something you didn't have.
08:18Wow.
08:19I...
08:20I don't know what just...
08:21Wow.
08:23Do you like it?
08:24Do I like it?
08:26Wow.
08:28So, uh,
08:29where are you gonna hang it?
08:30Oh, my God, hang it...
08:31Wow, um...
08:33You know,
08:34I'd have to get a hook
08:35and nails and a hammer
08:36and I...
08:37No problem.
08:38Oh, look.
08:39You just...
08:40You got it all right there.
08:41Wow.
08:45How's that?
08:46A little higher on the right.
08:49Now?
08:50A little more.
08:51That's got it.
08:55Yeah, okay.
08:56That's, uh...
08:57That's good.
08:59I'll let you in
09:00on a little secret.
09:01Originally,
09:02we were painted nude.
09:10But I had him add clothes
09:12because I thought
09:13it was an unnecessary challenge
09:14to our heterosexuality.
09:18Yeah, good call.
09:21But if you ever change your mind,
09:22all it would take
09:23is some warm soapy water
09:24and a couple of sponges.
09:27You're talking about
09:28the painting, right?
09:29Sure.
09:33Let's go for a drink.
09:34I'll call you, Me.
09:35Okay, good.
09:36She seemed like she really
09:37wanted to go out tonight.
09:43Oh, my God.
09:47Hey, girl.
09:48What if I told you
09:49that over the past few months,
09:51Amy has secretly been
09:52giving you little puzzles
09:54to test your intelligence
09:55against chimpanzees in her lab?
09:59What?
10:00She didn't give me any puzzles.
10:02Are you sure?
10:06Boy, I just can't seem
10:07to get these scissors
10:08back together.
10:09Can you do it?
10:13Darn it.
10:14There's something in my eye,
10:16and I need to sort
10:17these coins by size.
10:19Can you help?
10:27Penny,
10:28I really want to eat this banana,
10:30but it's stuck inside
10:31this bamboo puzzle box.
10:36Son of a bitch!
10:39Look, we can't just
10:40throw away Penny's stuff,
10:41but we can ask
10:42if she wants any of it back.
10:45I wonder how she feels
10:46about all this artwork.
10:49Well,
10:50I'm sure she misses this one.
10:52I mean, it's the greatest gift
10:53I've ever given anybody.
11:02It truly does capture
11:03the beauty of your friendship
11:04with Penny.
11:07It may have appreciated
11:08in value.
11:09The artist killed himself
11:10shortly after painting that.
11:13Yeah, it seems only right
11:14that she have it back.
11:17Can't wait to see
11:18the look on her face
11:19when I give it to her again.
11:27Look, it's the same smell
11:28she has in the painting.
11:31And Amy's your best friend.
11:32I'm sure she'll come
11:33to her senses and pick you.
11:34Okay, she's not my best friend.
11:35We're not 12.
11:36She wants Bernadette
11:37to be her maid of honor.
11:38I really don't care.
11:39Sounds like you care.
11:40No, I mean,
11:41it's just annoying.
11:42You know, we talk every day.
11:43We see each other all the time.
11:44She's always there for me,
11:45and basically,
11:46oh my God,
11:47Amy's my best friend.
11:51You okay?
11:53No, my best friend
11:54didn't ask me to be
11:55her maid of honor.
11:56I'm pissed!
12:00So, bottom line,
12:01what you did was wrong
12:03and cruel,
12:04which the mother of my children
12:06finds oddly appealing.
12:09So, she still wants
12:10to be my maid of honor?
12:11Maid of honor,
12:12hit woman,
12:13whatever you need.
12:14Make the call.
12:16Look,
12:17I know this is your wedding
12:18and you can do
12:19whatever you want,
12:20but if you think
12:21anyone but me is gonna be
12:22your maid of honor,
12:23then you're an idiot
12:24because you are my best friend.
12:25Too late, Bernadette.
12:26Bestie!
12:29Should I pass out?
12:31Okay, you did.
12:32At my own bachelorette party?
12:34I'm so lame.
12:36Well, you didn't pass out
12:38before you did
12:39all kinds of fun stuff.
12:40What did I do?
12:41What did you do?
12:45What'd you do?
12:48Um,
12:49well, you don't remember
12:50river dancing
12:51on top of the bar?
12:58I did that?
12:59Yeah, you did.
13:02But I don't know
13:03how to river dance.
13:05Didn't stop you from teaching
13:06all those shirtless firemen.
13:10I saw shirtless firemen?
13:13Saw, smelled,
13:14slid down like a pole.
13:17Did I flash anybody?
13:19How about everybody?
13:23I can't believe it.
13:24I'm so embarrassed.
13:26You didn't take any pictures,
13:27did you?
13:28Oh, no.
13:29We would never do that.
13:30Yeah, but if there were pictures,
13:31they would be crazy.
13:35You guys are good friends.
13:39Yeah.