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00:00Can you believe it's been five years since our first date?
00:06I know.
00:08Do you think I should start watching the Flash TV show?
00:17That's what you're thinking about?
00:19Well, one of the things.
00:22Are any of them me?
00:24Yes.
00:26I thought, I can't decide if I should watch the Flash TV show.
00:29I know, I'll ask Amy.
00:33Anyway.
00:36What are you doing?
00:38You're right, you did kind of kill the mood.
00:41I didn't kill anything.
00:43You did, talking about your stupid TV show.
00:46Excuse me?
00:48Starting to watch a television show that might run for years
00:50isn't a decision to take lightly.
00:52I'm wrestling with a big commitment issue here.
00:56Really?
00:57That's the commitment issue you're wrestling with?
01:01Sheldon, do you understand the irony of your fixation
01:04on a man with super speed, while after five years,
01:08all I can get out of you is a distracted makeout
01:10session on a couch?
01:13Irony is not really my strong suit.
01:16But I have been getting better with sarcasm
01:18if you want to give that a try.
01:21Oh, sure, I'd love to.
01:22So, whenever you're ready.
01:27She passed me the Manischewitz.
01:28I took one look at this punim and almost
01:30plotzed on the kugel.
01:32Is this what I sound like when I talk about India?
01:40So my mother's OK with this?
01:42Why would your mother have a problem with me and Stuart?
01:45Because they have a weird, inappropriate relationship.
01:48Weirder than what you and I did in my dad's Corolla?
01:54This is so messed up.
01:56I know, I'm having the best time.
02:00Why would you even come to this?
02:01Didn't you know I'd be here?
02:03It was a long time ago, Howard.
02:05And you're only second cousins, who cares?
02:08So you knew and you brought her anyway?
02:10Oh, so she's good enough for Howard, but not for me?
02:13Yeah.
02:13Yeah, go have weird relationships
02:15with your own mother and cousin.
02:16This is his turf.
02:17Yeah.
02:19OK, I got to, I just, I got to ask.
02:23What makes you think that your relationship is so
02:26wonderful and ours isn't?
02:28For starters, we enjoy spending time together.
02:35So do we.
02:37And I've seen you guys ignore each other for hours
02:39doing totally different things.
02:41It's called parallel play.
02:45Yeah, toddlers do that.
02:46Not as well as we do.
02:51You believe this guy has to be the best at everything?
02:53So what?
02:54Why do you even care?
02:55Oh, listen to them.
02:57Not even married and the honeymoon's over.
03:01Whatever, you can't even go on a date
03:02without checking your relationship agreement.
03:05If you've got a problem basing a relationship on a contract,
03:08I'd like to tell you about 13 plucky colonies
03:12that entered a relationship agreement called
03:14the US Constitution.
03:17And it may not be cool to say so,
03:19but I think that love affair is still pretty hot today.
03:24It's a good thing I'm not wearing
03:25flag underwear right now, because there's
03:27about to be a fire.
03:33Oh, it's beautiful.
03:36The girls really did a nice job.
03:37Oh, I know I wasn't into this before,
03:40but I'm so glad I get to take you to your first prom.
03:43What makes you think I didn't go to my prom?
03:45I went.
03:46Well, who'd you go with?
03:47I took a little lady I like to call Loneliness.
03:52Aw.
03:53It's all right.
03:53We ended up having a threesome with her friend Humiliation.
03:59Well, if I would have been there and saw you alone,
04:01I would have asked you to dance.
04:02No, you wouldn't have.
04:03Well, you don't know that.
04:04It was before my growth spurge.
04:06What?
04:07That already happened?
04:10Very funny.
04:11Well, you wouldn't have asked me either.
04:13I would have asked you in my head on the way
04:18home while I was having a good cry.
04:24I've invented a science joke.
04:26Would you like to hear it?
04:27Sure.
04:28How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
04:32How many?
04:33Who cares?
04:34He stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.
04:38Is that really true?
04:39Of course.
04:40That's how you know it's a good joke.
04:42It not only entertains, it informs.
04:46Hey, sorry to interrupt.
04:48Yeah, Barry.
04:49How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
04:52Did you know Edison didn't actually invent the white bulb?
04:58What do you want, Barry?
05:00Just wanted to drop this off as a little thank you for Amy.
05:03Well, what's this for?
05:04Your idea really helped me out.
05:06My white cone quantization paper's online already.
05:09The response has been amazing.
05:11Well, that's fascinating.
05:12I can't wait to read it.
05:14You don't know me as well.
05:15Please email it to sheldon at bazinga.biz.
05:20Why .biz?
05:21Because I just gave you the business.
05:23And also bazinga.com was taken.
05:26This is an easy one.
05:27You love this guy.
05:29Me.
05:32Come on.
05:32He's an underappreciated genius.
05:35Still think it's me.
05:38It's not you.
05:39Now think, there's a car named after him.
05:42Of course there is.
05:43The Mini Cooper, because it's me.
05:48How about this?
05:50He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
05:51Oh, Tesla.
05:54Hi.
05:55Hey, how'd it go?
05:56Not fun.
05:57The doctor shoved a camera up into my sinuses.
06:00Yeah, I watched.
06:00It was like the scary boat tunnel in Willy Wonka.
06:05Did they figure out what's wrong?
06:07Yeah, it's a deviated septum.
06:08The surgery to correct it is simple.
06:09He's going to do it next week.
06:11Why would you have surgery?
06:13Because I can't breathe.
06:14I snore.
06:15I get sinus infections.
06:17You're back off.
06:17He's all mine.
06:19But you don't have a life-threatening condition.
06:22Why would you take the risk of surgery?
06:23Sheldon, it's a routine procedure.
06:25I've heard you complain about his snoring.
06:27Yeah, that's for the first five or six years.
06:30But I've gotten used to it.
06:32It helps me sleep.
06:33He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine.
06:37Sheldon, I'm going to get the surgery.
06:39It's no big deal.
06:40End of story.
06:40Very well.
06:41I'm done talking about it.
06:43I believe it was your turn in the game.
06:45OK.
06:47Let's see.
06:49Oh, this person is most famous for never
06:52having gotten his nose mutilated with elective surgery
06:55and never living the rest of his life in the shadows
06:58as a hideous, disfigured freak.
07:01I think you could give a better clue.
07:03I don't.
07:05I'm not even sure if that's a person or a typo.
07:07Do you guys ever fight over money?
07:09Sure, sometimes.
07:11I mean, it could be a little awkward since I make
07:13so much more money than Howie.
07:16You didn't have to say so much more.
07:19Well, I didn't have to, but for the sake of accuracy,
07:20I felt that I should.
07:24I brought a lot of significant assets
07:25into the relationship, too.
07:26Like what?
07:27Your incomplete set of Star Trek collector plates?
07:31For your information, I just bought
07:33the last one I needed on eBay.
07:36Without asking me?
07:38There were only three minutes left in the auction,
07:40and it was a mint-conditioned Scotty from a smoke-free home.
07:47How much, Howie?
07:47Not a lot.
07:49How much?
07:51Let's not talk about this in front of our friends.
07:54Was it more or less than falconry school?
07:59For the 10th time, that was a Groupon.
08:02Did you enjoy my lecture?
08:04No, and neither did our waiter.
08:08Wait, if you're going to serve Cornish game hen,
08:10you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall
08:13or be prepared to learn it.
08:16It's hard to argue with that, and I
08:17know, because I saw a sad man with a peppermill
08:20desperately try and fail.
08:27Hey, how was dinner?
08:28Good.
08:29I had Cornish game hen.
08:31Oh, that poor waiter.
08:35Sheldon, how about tomorrow night we see a movie?
08:37You guys are going out two nights in a row?
08:39I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip,
08:43and I'm contractually obligated to make them up
08:45under the terms of the relationship agreement.
08:48That's so hot.
08:51It's better than hot.
08:52It's binding.
08:56If you're free tomorrow night, I'd
08:57love to have you join us on a double date.
09:00Aw.
09:01You are aware that a double date
09:03doesn't count as two dates?
09:06Oh.
09:09Well, then come or don't, I don't care.
09:11They're not dating.
09:12They're just two friends who went out to dinner.
09:15And then went back to the home they share,
09:17where they probably fell asleep in the matching pajamas
09:19she got them, because they both just love penguins.
09:24Lots of people wear matching pajamas who aren't dating.
09:27Like who?
09:28Like you and your dog.
09:32Don't rule out the dating.
09:35Fine.
09:36It bothers me.
09:37You happy?
09:38You think you've got problems?
09:40The Gibbon is the only member of the ape family
09:43not classified as a great ape.
09:48How is this helpful?
09:50All the non-human apes are classified
09:52as great apes except one.
09:54That means taxonomists created the entire category
09:57of lesser ape just to single out the poor Gibbon
10:00as the weird kid on the playground.
10:03Now, there's a hairy little fellow with a genuine beef.
10:07But the Gibbon doesn't know what it's categorized as.
10:09It doesn't even know it's called a Gibbon.
10:11True.
10:13Sorry, kids, you got it worse than a Gibbon.
10:16But I made a video.
10:20I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
10:22And I'd like to tell you why I should be chosen to go to Mars.
10:31I'm exceedingly smart.
10:32I graduated college at 14.
10:34While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a PhD.
10:41Penicillin can't take this away.
10:44Being in close quarters, cleanliness is important.
10:49My hygiene is impeccable.
10:51In fact, animals don't trust me because I smell like nothing.
10:57Literally nothing.
11:02During the seven-month space flight,
11:04I can keep up morale with my wacky sense of humor.
11:10Hey, Leonard, is there any peanut brittle left in that can?
11:14You mean this weirdly suspicious one?
11:17Yes.
11:19Open it and check.
11:26I don't get it.
11:27There's actually peanut brittle in here.
11:35Please go to Mars.
11:39But on a more serious note, the most important reason
11:42I want to go to Mars is that I believe, as a scientist,
11:46it's my duty to push the boundaries of human knowledge
11:49forward.
11:51Now, I know that life on Mars will be difficult.
11:54But life here on Earth is no picnic.
11:57Also, picnics are no picnic.
12:01Where should we go for lunch?
12:02Oh, I know.
12:03The ground.
12:05In conclusion, thank you for considering me
12:08for this journey of a lifetime.
12:13To Mars!
12:16This is ridiculous.
12:18I'm going to go talk to the meter d.
12:19What are you going to say?
12:21I don't know.
12:22I'm going to flirt with him.
12:24I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.
12:26I'm still sleeping with you tonight.
12:28See if you can get a table by the window.
12:34Hi there.
12:35What's your name?
12:36Glenn.
12:37Oh, boy.
12:38It is crazy in here tonight, huh, Glenn?
12:40Well, you know, Valentine's Day.
12:43Yes.
12:43Bet your girlfriend is super bummed you had to work tonight.
12:47Anyway, look, we have been waiting a while.
12:50And I just think.
12:50With all due respect, ma'am, there's nothing I can do.
12:55You don't have to call me ma'am.
12:57OK.
12:57I mean, we're basically the same age.
12:59OK.
13:06How old are you?
13:07I'm 21.
13:08How old are you?
13:10Just shut up, Glenn.
13:13Come on.
13:13Let's get out of here.
13:14What? Why?
13:15Because I'm young.
13:16Let's go.
13:17Seems we're at a stalemate.
13:19Not technically.
13:21In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation
13:23in which there are no remaining moves.
13:25You have plenty of moves available.
13:27You could beat us up and steal the money.
13:31You could kill us.
13:33Really, you're only limited by your imagination.
13:40All these years, I've been using stalemate
13:41when I really mean impasse.
13:44I feel foolish.
13:48I don't think it matters if this is a stalemate or an impasse
13:52or a Mexican standoff.
13:53What are we going to do here?
13:54Oh, how can it be a Mexican standoff?
13:56Everybody knows you need three sides for that.
13:59Not necessarily.
14:01Many argue that the essence of a Mexican standoff
14:03is that no one can walk away from the conflict
14:06without incurring harm.
14:08I don't follow.
14:10Let me give you an example.
14:12Earlier today, I decoded the headers on your email,
14:16and I know that your name is Kenneth Fitzgerald.
14:18From that, I figured out where you live and where you work.
14:21Now, to make this a Mexican standoff,
14:23I would say something like, uh, well, you give us the helium,
14:26or I'll turn you into the authorities.
14:29Is that a threat?
14:30Yeah, exactly.
14:30See, you're getting it.
14:33What is this?
14:34I don't know.
14:34Maybe it says something on the back.
14:38Continued on milk.
14:41If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast,
14:43it didn't work for my mom, and it won't work for you.
14:47We are, we are, C Spoons for more.
14:53What could it be?
14:55We are Groot.
14:56We are the champions.
14:58We are family.
14:59I got all my sisters with me.
15:06Are you serious?
15:08Yeah.
15:10Are you sure?
15:14Pretty positive.
15:16That's a joke, because the pregnancy test says I'm pregnant.
15:22This is incredible.
15:24We're going to be parents?
15:27We're going to get to board planes first?
15:32We're finally going to get to see what's in that family
15:34bathroom at the mall.
15:37No, it's crazy.
15:38It is crazy.
15:40Oh, I mean, how do you prepare for something like this?
15:46I'm not even sure I've held a baby before.
15:48Oh, it's OK.
15:49You'll figure it out.
15:50But how's this all going to work?
15:52Do we get a nanny?
15:53Can we afford a nanny?
15:55If we can, we can't get a pretty one,
15:56because it'll wreck our marriage.
15:59So we can't get an ugly one, because it'll scare the kid.
16:05I don't know how he's going to do it.
16:06Are we in a good school district?
16:08You're Catholic.
16:09I'm Jewish.
16:10What religion do we raise in?
16:11And if it's a boy, do we get him circumcised?
16:13People say it's barbaric, but if we don't,
16:15it looks like a pig in a blanket.
16:20Calm down.
16:21It's going to be OK.
16:22How's it going to be OK?
16:24Look at me.
16:26I'm a mess.
16:27That means this baby's going to be half a mess.
16:29And that's even before we screw it up
16:31with our cut-rate, moderately attractive nanny.
16:35Oh, there's a woman.
16:36I'll make her my girlfriend.
16:39Whoa, whoa.
16:41Walking up to a strange woman in a bar usually doesn't work.
16:45You're forgetting something.
16:47Ladies love jocks.
16:50How many sips of that beer did he have?
16:51Three.
16:52Oh, boy.
16:56Excuse me.
16:57I'm recovering from a recent breakup.
16:59And I'm told asking out another woman might make me feel better.
17:03And as Ash Ketchum said to Pikachu, I choose you.
17:09What?
17:10It's a Pokemon reference.
17:12I don't know what that means.
17:14Well, we gave it a shot.
17:17How about you?
17:19I'm married.
17:20And I'm her grandmother.
17:22Ah, what might have been.
17:25And you, give my regards to Barnum and Bailey.
17:31He's eating.
17:31That's a good sign.
17:33You're going to have to wait one hour
17:35until you can go swimming again.
17:39He's pretty cute.
17:40He is.
17:42Should we name him?
17:45It is Valentine's Day.
17:47How about Valentino?
17:50Nice.
17:51Classic rabbit name.
17:54Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit, Valentino Wallowitz Rabbit.
17:59Oh, look at all that chest hair and overbite.
18:03Of course, you're a wallowitz.
18:06Son of a bitch, he bit me.
18:09Are you OK?
18:10No, I'm not OK.
18:11Wild rabbits can have rabies.
18:14Well, why'd you put your finger in Eric's mouth?
18:16Poor judgment, obviously.
18:21He's so little, I'm sure it's fine.
18:22How can it be fine?
18:23I just got attacked by a clearly
18:24anti-Semitic wild animal.
18:29It says rabies in rabbits is highly unlikely.
18:32Terrific.
18:33It's not terrific.
18:34Lots of highly unlikely things happen.
18:36You saw what's under this robe, and you still married me.
18:40If you're really worried, we'll take him to the vet
18:42and have him tested.
18:43Good, thank you.
18:45OK, there is a test.
18:46All they have to do is cut off his head and check his brain.
18:50Cut off his head?
18:52That's where his little nose is.
18:56He's not showing any symptoms.
18:59I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
19:03Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
19:05When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf,
19:08that was my hypochondria.
19:09There was a song I couldn't get out of my head.
19:12Eventually, I realized the song was about you.
19:15And like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart.
19:20So what I'm trying to say is, you're
19:23my heartworm, the metaphorical kind,
19:28not the poodle-killing kind.
19:31What?
19:33If I may, I believe what he's saying
19:37in a charming and delightful way is
19:38that he loves you and wants you back.
19:41Dave Gibbs, huge fan of your work.
19:43Don't mind me.
19:48I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were on a date.
19:51No, it's OK.
19:52Keep going.
19:54Amy, if you want to be my girlfriend again,
19:56I really want to be your boyfriend.
19:59I really want that, too.
20:02Good, because I love you.
20:05I love you, too.
20:11Kiss her, you brilliant fool.
20:19Dear crazy future Sheldon, this is a thermostat.
20:26It controls the temperature of the apartment.
20:29The ideal setting is 72 degrees.
20:32If you find this too cold, then put
20:34on a jacket, a straight jacket, because 72 is the best
20:37and you're crazy.
20:40Now, this is your spot.
20:45You're very protective of it.
20:46When anyone else tries to sit here,
20:48you berate them relentlessly.
20:50It sounds mean, but somehow you make it adorable.
20:55People are also delighted by your love of pranks.
20:59For example, Leonard has no idea what I did to his coffee.
21:06It wasn't replaced with Folgers crystals,
21:08I'll tell you that much.
21:10Hey, can we please get back to work?
21:12This is Leonard.
21:14He's your best friend in the world.
21:16Just stop.
21:17This is ridiculous.
21:20Sometimes he gets cranky, but you
21:23can trust him with your life.
21:25And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list.
21:32Oh, no, he's drinking it.
21:35Come on, Leonard's doing bachelor stuff.
21:37You sure we can't take you to a strip club?
21:39If I want to see a naked, dancing man,
21:41I just flush the toilet while Leonard's in the shower.
21:47Hi.
21:48Hey.
21:49I know we're not making a fuss, but in the spirit
21:52of bachelorette parties, I made cookies
21:55in the shape of male genitals.
21:59You really didn't have to.
22:00Whoa.
22:03That is anatomic.
22:06The veins are gummy worms.
22:12Oh, look.
22:14Jewish enchantile.
22:18I had extra dough.
22:22Oh, that's Leonard.
22:23He said they're about to cross the border.
22:25I hope the boys don't get too crazy in Mexico.
22:27Oh, yeah, right.
22:28Lock up your daughters, or Sheldon
22:29might lecture them about the North
22:31American Free Trade Agreement.
22:34Boy, that was a long night for me.
22:37What do you think?
22:38I think it's very cute.
22:40Cute?
22:41It's not cute.
22:42Cute is children dressed as vegetables.
22:47OK, fine.
22:48It's not cute.
22:49Just be honest.
22:50You don't like it.
22:51I didn't say that.
22:52I just like music you can dance to.
22:55You can dance to this.
22:58Thor and Dr. Jones.
23:01Thor and Dr. Jones.
23:04One plays with lightning, the other plays with bones.
23:10I'm telling you, dude, the song has no groove.
23:12You can't dance to it.
23:15Who cares?
23:16I thought the whole point of Footprints on the Moon
23:18was to write songs that make people think.
23:20You can do both.
23:22Like Michael Jackson's Billie Jean, while you're dancing,
23:25you're thinking, like, darn it, who's baby is it?
23:28How many Spock collectibles?
23:30I have many.
23:31My most treasured is an autographed napkin given to me
23:34by my very thoughtful friend, Penny.
23:37That's her over there.
23:41Hi.
23:43Look at that.
23:44I'm in a movie.
23:45My shirt stayed on.
23:48Can we see the napkin?
23:50Of course.
23:51Excuse me.
23:51This will just take a moment.
23:55OK.
24:05When did we get a wall safe?
24:09When there was no more room in the floor safe.
24:12When did we get a floor safe?
24:15When we got the security camera.
24:17There's a security camera?
24:20Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
24:26Oh, my god.
24:27We've done things on that couch.
24:28Yeah, you don't have to tell me.
24:31Have you thought about advertising directly to females?
24:35OK.
24:36Well, all right.
24:38What if I put up a sign in the window that said,
24:42women come in.
24:44Don't be afraid.
24:52Hey, have you read the online reviews for this place?
24:55The internet's so negative, I try to avoid it.
24:57All right.
24:58Well, Heather H. says, the owner stared at me the whole time
25:01and didn't blink once.
25:12Kelly M. says, the creepy guy who runs it asked me out,
25:16then called himself stupid before I could say no.
25:20Jessica K. says, I told the weird owner
25:23that I liked his shirt.
25:24He took it off and gave it to me.
25:28See?
25:29Negative.
25:31You actually think it's 2003?
25:33No.
25:34Just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago
25:37doesn't mean I'm delusional.
25:38And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are.
25:41So please exit the premises before I call the police
25:44on my stylish new flip phone.
25:50Hello, 2003.
25:56Hey, we brought you time.
26:00Where is everything?
26:01In my present, it's in the future.
26:03In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom
26:06by an enterprising young man I met in the Home Depot
26:08parking lot.
26:11I know what you're doing.
26:12You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you,
26:14but it's not happening.
26:16No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out
26:18how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
26:21Knock it off.
26:22We're across the hall.
26:23As the kids are saying today, talk to the hand.
26:28They're not saying that.
26:31They are in 2003.
26:33No, no, they're really not.
26:37Hey, Stuart.
26:40Hey.
26:41Sorry, did I startle you?
26:42Yes, but at this point, pretty much any customer does.
26:46What can I do for you?
26:47Well, I need a little help.
26:48I accidentally destroyed one of Howard's comic books this morning
26:51and I was hoping I could replace it.
26:53Wow, what happened?
26:54Batman got his ass kicked by my curling iron.
26:59Don't let the Riddler know that.
27:03It's a comic book joke.
27:06Or maybe it's not.
27:09Do you have this one?
27:10Uh, well, it's pretty rare.
27:12Can you give me a few days to track it down?
27:14I was kind of hoping to get it before Howard comes home from work.
27:17What's the hurry?
27:18Well, he's always saying I should be more careful with my curling iron
27:21and it seems like a dangerous precedent to let him think he can be right.
27:26Well, I'll do what I can, but I can't make any promises.
27:30You know, I do work at a pharmaceutical company.
27:34If you can make this happen today,
27:36I can hook you up with anxiety medication, antidepressants.
27:40Really?
27:42Do you have any of these?
27:45No.
27:47I just feel like everything is falling apart.
27:50Come on, it's okay.
27:51No, it's not okay. Look at me, okay?
27:53I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago and I'm still doing it.
27:57I can't quit because guess what?
27:59I can't do anything else and I finally get my big break and it goes away.
28:03Such a mess.
28:05No, you're not.
28:06Really? Because this morning at Starbucks,
28:08a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg.
28:11And it wasn't the only one in there.
28:16Okay, listen to me. This is just a minor setback.
28:19No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for like ten years.
28:22I have nothing to show for it.
28:24Well, you have me.
28:27You're right.
28:30I do have you.
28:35Let's get married.
28:40What?
28:48Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
28:53Um...
28:57Did you seriously just say, um?
29:02You know I love you, but you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
29:07Okay, so you don't want to marry me?
29:10That is not what I said.
29:11No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.
29:13Who's in the mood to laugh?
29:19I got an email from Professor Proton.
29:21Oh, goody. What's it say?
29:23He's working on a paper about nanovacuum tubes and wants to know if I'd take a look at it.
29:28That's strange.
29:30He would come to you for that and not me.
29:34Oh, I got two emails from him.
29:37Do you have Leonard's email address?
29:43And...
29:44Never mind, I found it.
29:48I can't believe he picked you over me.
29:50You don't want to read a paper by some old has-been who hasn't done any real science in decades.
29:56Yeah, it's nothing to cry about.
29:58Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
30:01It's true. You'd rust.
30:04When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot, he gave him all sorts of helpful advice.
30:10So, um...
30:13What do you got for me?
30:18Um...
30:20Always...
30:22Get a prenup.
30:28That's it?
30:30That's it?
30:32I thought there'd be more of a reason why you're here.
30:35Oh.
30:37Why do you think I'm here?
30:39I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
30:43Is this the first time you've lost, you know, someone close to you?
30:48Oh, no.
30:50No, I've already had to say goodbye to 11 Dr. Who's.
30:55Yeah, I've outlived a few of my doctors, too.
31:00Oh, hey, Sheldon.
31:02Hello.
31:10You okay?
31:12I'm on vacation. What do you think?
31:16Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
31:19Leonard told me to stay.
31:21Leonard told me to stay.
31:24Oh.
31:26Well, good boy.
31:29Where are you going?
31:30Oh, I have a ton of errands to run. I need to make copies of my headshot, send them off to agents, and sign up for a new acting class.
31:36Have fun.
31:37Okay.
31:45You want to come with me?
31:46Really?
31:48Come on, boy. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
31:51Get in the car. Come on.
31:53So, what did you think of your first funeral?
31:57Oh, I don't want to be a jerk, but it was kind of a bummer.
32:01Yeah, well, when I die, you can rent a bounce house.
32:06Think about dying?
32:08No, I think more about if I have any regrets.
32:11What would you regret?
32:13You know that I didn't travel more, take more risks, learn another language.
32:18You know Klingon.
32:21That's true.
32:22No, I meant that as a regret.
32:29I just thought of one more.
32:30What's that?
32:32I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
32:37Well, it just wasn't the right time.
32:39Yeah.
32:41And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.
32:45What?
32:46I know that face. That's your proposed face.
32:48I was not going to propose. It's already two to one.
32:52What's two to one?
32:53I propose twice. You propose once. Two to one.
32:55Oh, my. It's not a contest.
32:56I don't know what you're upset about. I'm the one who's losing.
32:59Okay. Fine. Would you feel better if I proposed so you could turn me down again?
33:03Yeah, I think I would.
33:05Okay. Leonard, will you marry me?
33:07Hmm.
33:10No, don't you dare. You reject me right now and tie things up.
33:16It's just such a big decision. I don't want to have any regrets.
33:25And hold three, two, one.
33:30Very good.
33:32Now let's try warrior two.
33:36And hold.
33:40I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies,
33:45they can draw water in through their genitals.
33:57Yeah, well, I don't think we're going to get to do that today.
34:01Too bad.
34:03Seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.
34:10Oh, hey.
34:11Now we go to reverse warrior.
34:19How did she get you to do yoga?
34:21Well, to be honest, I thought she said Yoda.
34:27Wait, it's not all pants. There's one shirt.
34:29Oh.
34:30Hey, that's my shirt.
34:32This one is, too.
34:33No, that's not mine. That's a big spot on it.
34:35Wait, so does this one.
34:37This spot's a clue.
34:44Sheldon spot. The koi's in your spot!
34:48Oh, that's clever.
34:49Hurry!
34:51Be there in a minute. I just have to pre-soak these.
35:00Stop her, Megan! Stop her!
35:08Where the hell's the coin?
35:10Wasn't the answer Sheldon spot?
35:12Oh, yes, Leonard.
35:14Yes, it was.
35:18Where's the coin?
35:19Yes, exactly.
35:21Where is the coin?
35:23Why don't you look in your pockets?
35:29I slipped them in there earlier today.
35:34I don't get it.
35:37Don't you see?
35:39When we're all having fun together, we're already winners.
35:43Oh, look. See?
35:45Even I'm a winner.
35:49Are you kidding me?
35:52That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
35:56You suck. So hot.
35:59Water would be great.
36:01Okay. Um, you're Lucy, right?
36:04I'm a friend of Raj Koothrappali's. Actually, Amy recognized you.
36:15Wow. How's he doing?
36:17Oh, you know, he's good.
36:19Great.
36:20Yeah, this is none of my business, but why did you break up with him in an email?
36:26Oh, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be easier.
36:30Yeah, I get that. I'll go get you your water.
36:35When you say easier, you mean easier for you, right?
36:39Because certainly I didn't make it easier for him.
36:42Any chance I can get a different waitress?
36:46I'm sorry. This is rude of me. I will get you that water.
36:50See? See? See? See?
36:52Just now, you expressed your feelings to my face.
36:54How come you could do that with me but not with Raj?
36:56I don't know your email.
37:00You know what the worst part is?
37:01You're sitting here perfectly happy and he's at home a blubbering mess.
37:04I thought you said he was okay.
37:06Well, I also said I was getting you water, but look at me, still standing here.
37:10You know, I may be a bad waitress, but you are a bad person.
37:14Now, you want to hear the specials?
37:21Arthur passing away was harder on Sheldon than he's ready to admit.
37:24I'm really hoping this will cheer him up.
37:26Me too.
37:27Although it might have been thoughtless of us to bake a Death Star cake.
37:32No, it combines two of Sheldon's favorite things.
37:35Chocolate chips and the ability to destroy a planet at the push of a button.
37:40Well, anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys.
37:43And Howie doesn't think I take his interest seriously,
37:45so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.
37:48Okay, let's get the fondant and start decorating.
37:52This is pretty cool. You don't see too many spherical cakes.
37:56I wonder why that is.
38:01Hey, guys.
38:02Happy Star Wars Day!
38:04Wow! A Death Star cake!
38:07We were hoping it might cheer you up.
38:09And even though it meant we had to miss the movies, we could still be part of the fun.
38:12No, you didn't miss anything. We just started over.
38:15Son of a bitch.
38:17Hi.
38:18Hey, guys.
38:19Look who's here to put the Jew in Jewelry Night.
38:23Oh, sure. So it's fine when you say it.
38:26Sorry we're late.
38:27I wanted to swing by the lab and pick up some even cooler tools for us to use.
38:31I didn't know you were coming again.
38:32Well, last week was a blast.
38:34Plus, I thought you might like having a guy here.
38:40It was not funny.
38:43So, what tools did you bring?
38:44Everything we need to make jewelry more fun.
38:46Oh, yeah?
38:47Yeah.
38:49So, what tools did you bring?
38:50Everything we need to make jewelry molds.
38:52Here's some silver, a crucible, and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
38:56Ooh, that looks like fun.
38:58Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.
39:02Okay, who's up first?
39:04Rajesh, do you want to make a bracelet for your mom to go with the necklace?
39:07No, thanks.
39:08I was going to make a necklace for my mom, but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck.
39:15She has just chins and fat and feet.
39:19Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
39:22No.
39:27Do you?
39:28I think I'm hysterical.
39:32I take it back. That was funny.
39:36The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
39:43I bet that bit killed in the chuckle hut.
39:48Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy. He was a philosopher.
39:54I think we're zeroing in on your problem.
39:58Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy,
40:02which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time.
40:06Unless they're German, because that's a tough crowd.
40:12Are you set on people laughing with you? Because if you're cool without you...
40:19You guys ever notice that Emily has a bit of a twisted side?
40:22You mean because she has weird tattoos?
40:24No, because she wants to have sex with me in a graveyard.
40:30One more time?
40:32She and I were supposed to watch the new Avengers movie tonight, but it was sold out.
40:36So I said, what else do you want to do?
40:38She said, let's go to a cemetery and do it on somebody's grave.
40:43Like a random person or somebody she knew?
40:48What difference does it make?
40:51Well, if it's her father's grave and they didn't get along, then you know she holds a grudge.
40:58The only issue is that everybody has their own thing,
41:00and as long as it's two consenting adults, I guess I don't see the harm in it.
41:04Well, what if it's one consenting adult and one adult who pretends to consent
41:07because he's afraid of being alone?
41:12It's a beautiful night.
41:13Oh, yes. We've got the moon and the trees and Elizabeth McNulty,
41:19who apparently died when she was the same age I am.
41:25Makes you feel alive, doesn't it?
41:27So does enjoying a meal at a well-lit restaurant, but here we are.
41:33You aren't scared, are you?
41:35Of ghosts? No. Of you? A little bit.
41:40This is interesting.
41:41Apparently, a key component in some forms of humor is the element of surprise.
41:48Well, that makes sense.
41:49The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation,
41:53and patients with brain lesions...
41:55Brain lesions!
42:03Sheldon, you scared me. That wasn't funny.
42:06Maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex.
42:10Okay, the notion that you can read a few books
42:13and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd.
42:16I mean, humor is a complex neurological...
42:25Okay, that's pretty good.
42:28Can he really quit the Cheesecake Factory?
42:30Yeah. What is she doing today?
42:32I don't know. She already thinks I don't support this,
42:34so if I call, it might look like I'm checking up on him.
42:37Do you support this?
42:38Of course I do.
42:39She's a great actress. I'm proud she's taking this risk.
42:43That's nice.
42:44You bought that? Great.
42:49Gotta call her before I forget how I said it.
42:53Hey!
42:54Hi, what's up?
42:55How's it going? You taking Hollywood by storm?
42:57Actually, I'm at the Cheesecake Factory.
42:59You got your job back. That is great news.
43:01I didn't want to say anything, but you are making the right choice.
43:04To plunge yourself into debt right now would be literally insane.
43:08Yeah, I'm just returning my uniform.
43:13And I support you.
43:16You've come to me because you're my Obi-Wan.
43:22I'm not familiar with that.
43:26Is that an internet?
43:32Wow. You're dead, so I'm gonna let that slide.
43:38Obi-Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars.
43:41After his physical demise, he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
43:48Well, that clears that up.
43:53You must be here to give me advice.
44:02Oh, this is weird.
44:05Most of my robes open in the back.
44:12Those are your Jedi robes.
44:16Oh, wait. What is this?
44:21Be careful with that.
44:35Oh, neat-o.
44:42I'm, uh, I'm gonna need a Band-Aid.