Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Okay, new contest.
00:02What are you doing?
00:03I am settling, once and for all, who is the smartest around here.
00:07Okay? Are you ready?
00:09Absolutely. Bring it on.
00:10Okay.
00:11Marsha, Jan, and Cindy were the three daughters in what TV family?
00:20The Brady Bunch.
00:22Okay.
00:24Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth as the lead singer in what group?
00:31The Brady Bunch?
00:36Van Halen.
00:38Alright, Madonna was married to this Ridgemont High alum.
00:44Oh my god, Sean Penn!
00:46How do you know these things?
00:49I go outside and I talk to people!
00:54Okay, here.
00:55What actor holds the record for being named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive?
00:59William Shatner.
01:04I don't think it's Shatner.
01:06Then it's gotta be Patrick Stewart.
01:11No.
01:12Formal protest.
01:15Alright, singer who sang Oops I Did It Again?
01:23Okay.
01:24Okay.
01:26Tweety Bird taught Hita a what?
01:33Romulan.
01:38Yes, he taught Hita a Romulan.
01:47I'm still not adjusted to how the Sci-Fi Channel spells their name now.
01:50S-Y-F-Y, that's Siffy.
01:54Uh-huh.
02:00Hello?
02:03Oh my god, is he okay?
02:05What happened?
02:06Hang on, hang on.
02:07Uh-huh.
02:09Okay, thank you.
02:11Howard was on his scooter and got hit by a truck. He's in critical condition.
02:16Oh no!
02:20Did you hear? Isn't it terrible?
02:23Have you seen him?
02:24They wouldn't let me in. Oh my, how are you?
02:29It'll be okay. It'll be okay.
02:32It'll be okay. It'll be okay.
02:39It's Howard.
02:41Howard, hello?
02:43Raj, is that you?
02:46Yeah, I'm right here, buddy. How are you?
02:48Listen to me. I'm not gonna make it.
02:51No, no, no. Don't say that. You're going to be alright.
02:54Raj, I don't have time. Now, pay attention.
02:57My last wish is that you look after Bernadette.
03:01Of course. Of course.
03:05Now, when you say look after, you mean...
03:08Sexually.
03:10Excuse me, Bernadette. I have to hear it from him.
03:14Sexually.
03:16Got it. Take care.
03:19I guess I have no choice but to make sweet, guilt-free love to you
03:22over and over again for the rest of my life.
03:24That's how I heard it.
03:33Or it could be sci-fi.
03:36S-Y-F-Y. Sci-fi.
03:39Alright. Good one.
03:43I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie
03:46when I looked at the script and saw the title.
03:50Serial Apis 2, Monkey See, Monkey Kill.
03:55Spoiler alert. After the monkey sees, it kittles.
04:01I've just been handed a note. I'm going to read it.
04:05Will, do you want more Diet Coke?
04:09Also, we have juice.
04:12I didn't want to interrupt.
04:16That voice you just heard belongs to Leonard, Penny's fiancé.
04:19Leonard, why don't you grab some headphones and join us?
04:21Really?
04:22Yeah.
04:23Hey, great.
04:24So, while Leonard gets set up, let's take a call.
04:27Hello, caller. You are on with Penny and Will from Serial Apis 2.
04:31I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie.
04:34I've seen it like ten times.
04:36Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time.
04:39Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.
04:45Thanks a lot, caller.
04:46You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following.
04:48Really?
04:49Yeah, I was at a science fiction convention,
04:51and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character.
04:54Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana,
04:58that was just my friends Howard and Raj.
05:02All right, it's time for a very special guest caller,
05:04a friend of mine who you probably know as the director of such movies as Clerks
05:08or from podcasts and books where he often reminds you that he's the guy who directed Clerks.
05:13Hello, Kevin Smith.
05:14Hey, man. Yo, is everything okay, Will?
05:17Because it's been like two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me.
05:23Hey, Kevin. It's really exciting to talk to you.
05:25Yeah, it really is.
05:26Oh, you guys are very sweet. So, Penny, listen, I saw your movie.
05:30Oh, wow. I wish it was better.
05:32Oh, don't worry about it. Have you seen some of Kevin's films?
05:35You're cruising for a beating, Wheaton.
05:39Anyway, man, I dug the ape movie, Penny, and I thought you were, like, really great in it.
05:43Oh.
05:44You know, I'm in the movie, too.
05:45Yeah, whatever. Penny.
05:48Penny, how come you're not in more stuff, man? I'd cast you in a minute.
05:51Seriously?
05:52Oh, yeah, man. I'm actually in pre-production on a movie right now,
05:55way different than anything I've ever done before. It's called Clerks 3.
05:59You should come over and read for a part.
06:01Oh, my God. I would love that.
06:03You have any job?
06:05Well, maybe I could do both.
06:07I don't think you can do both.
06:09I don't think I asked you.
06:11Yeah, you tell him, Penny.
06:14Stay out of it, Kevin Smith.
06:19Hey, Sheldon. We found something pretty interesting.
06:24Huh.
06:25Well, that is surprising.
06:28I, for one, have no idea what they're talking about.
06:32Turns out, when Amy took over Penny's apartment, she was put on the lease, not you.
06:37Yeah, and when I moved across the hall, you got taken off the lease, and I got added.
06:41What are you saying?
06:43That Sheldon's not technically a tenant at all,
06:46and therefore has no standing to be president of the Tenants Association,
06:49no matter who votes for him?
06:51Has no standing to be president of the Tenants Association, no matter who votes for him?
06:57I don't know how you found that out, but I am guessing all on your own.
07:01So, looks like we need to figure out who the new president should be.
07:04I nominate myself.
07:05I second it.
07:07Huh.
07:08Well, as a woman in love, I want to stand by my man.
07:11Too bad that's been rendered bureaucratically impossible.
07:17Well, this is hard for me.
07:19Because I do love a legal technicality, and this is a good one.
07:23Although, not quite as good as the provision in California law,
07:27which states a person who occupies a dwelling for 30 consecutive days
07:31becomes a tenant at will, and as such...
07:34I vote for Leonard!
07:37What?
07:38I'm sorry, Sheldon.
07:40With minimal power comes minimal responsibility.
07:43And you couldn't handle it.
07:46Don't you misquote Spider-Man to me.
07:50It's not your fault.
07:51I mean, what man wouldn't be seduced by the power to decide
07:54how late the laundry room stays open?
07:57Wait, you're the reason I had to come back and get my jeans the next morning?
08:02I can't believe you expect me to give that up.
08:06Sheldon, it's the American way.
08:08The peaceful transfer of power.
08:10I don't know.
08:11Think about Ant-Man.
08:13I'm always thinking about Ant-Man.
08:16Michael Douglas had the suit, and then he passed it on to Paul Rudd.
08:22Maybe you're right.
08:24Really? The Ant-Man thing? That's what won you over?
08:28Yes, he got the details right. That's how you use a superhero.
08:33I suppose it is time I pass this on to Leonard.
08:37Yeah, thanks. I know that's hard for you.
08:39It was. But you know what?
08:42Instead of being in charge, I can now be the vocal opposition.
08:47Criticizing and badgering the president at every turn.
08:51I think he'll be really good at that.
08:54Me too.
08:57I think I made a huge mistake.
09:00Me too.
09:03How do you feel about watching A House of a Thousand Corpses?
09:07A straight-up gore fest? You hate this stuff.
09:10I do. But for some reason, Emily loves it and wants to watch it with me tomorrow.
09:13So I thought if I saw it with you first, then I could act cool about it with her.
09:18That's actually not a bad plan.
09:29Let me get this straight.
09:30So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face,
09:35and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
09:41I'm just gonna say it. That's not okay.
09:47Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes the sound of music?
09:53Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes the sound of music.
09:58Here we go. House of a Thousand Corpses.
10:02Now, just so you know, I was a nanny for three years,
10:04so if you get scared, I can totally change your diaper.
10:08Actually, I have to tell you something.
10:10These kind of movies really aren't my thing,
10:13so last night I watched it just to see what I was getting myself into.
10:17Okay.
10:18And I have to be honest, I thought it was disturbing and weird,
10:23and it made me wonder what it says about someone who enjoys it.
10:26I wonder that too.
10:28Then why do you watch these things?
10:30Can I tell you something without you judging me?
10:32Sure.
10:33They kind of turn me on.
10:36And play.
10:45Waterfalls!
10:46What?
10:47Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
10:52What are you doing?
10:53Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee.
10:58Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter.
11:01Peeing.
11:04It's not working, dude.
11:05No. It's working alright.
11:09I have to pee.
11:11Then let go of the ring and go.
11:13Actually, I wouldn't mind going too.
11:16Fine. On the count of three.
11:18One, two...
11:19Wait, wait, wait. Just to clarify, when you get to three,
11:22do we stand up, or do we pee?
11:25Do we stand up, or do we pee?
11:31We stand up!
11:33Excellent choice.
11:36Three!
11:43Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.
11:56Ugh.
12:05I've done it! I've won!
12:08The ring is mine!
12:10It's mine!
12:18We're going to clean it up and make it pretty.
12:22My own.
12:24My love.
12:26My precious.
12:35Hey, listen. I kind of made plans with the guys this weekend,
12:38but then I wondered, because we're in this relationship beta test,
12:41if I should have asked you first.
12:43Then I thought, if I did check with you first,
12:46you'd think that I was taking things too seriously,
12:49and then I got a nosebleed.
12:54You don't have to check with me. Do whatever you want.
12:56Oh.
12:58I guess I was hoping for a different reaction, but okay.
13:01Really? What were you hoping for?
13:03I don't know. Maybe that you'd be a little upset,
13:06and then you'd realize that I'm a stallion that has to run free.
13:14And that would turn you on a little.
13:17Okay. I'm an actress. Ask me again.
13:21Do you mind if I spend the weekend playing video games with the guys?
13:24What? The entire weekend? You mean I wouldn't see you at all?
13:29No, no. I knew what I was getting into.
13:33You can't put a saddle on Leonard Hofstadter.
13:38Oh, my. Is it getting hot in here?
13:40I poppy.
13:43I poppy?
13:46What is that?
13:47An acting choice.
13:49So you chose that when you become turned on,
13:52you turn into Speedy Gonzales.
13:56You got a problem with that, poppy?
14:00Uh-uh.
14:01Penny. Penny. Penny.
14:05Sorry, stallion. Your weird friend giraffe is here.
14:11Amy.
14:13There's something I need to say to you.
14:16I'm listening.
14:19I've been thinking about the Avengers.
14:24I believe that.
14:26I don't think that's something you needed to say to me.
14:30I realized that Iron Man is great.
14:33And also that Captain America is great.
14:36And sometimes Iron Man is in a Captain America movie.
14:40And he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie.
14:43You know, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill,
14:46and then fly away.
14:48And that should have been me tonight.
14:51I should have been the delightful cameo in your movie.
14:56Thank you, Sheldon.
14:58Instead, I was like the Hulk.
15:00Okay, please stop talking about the Avengers.
15:04Anyway.
15:06I'm proud of you.
15:08And I'm going to try to do a better job of sharing the spotlight.
15:11Because we're a team, no?
15:14Much like the Dodgers.
15:21If they had superpowers.
15:24And fought crime.
15:26And Thor was in them.
15:30Sheldon, I know this isn't easy, but
15:33you'll have a whole lifetime to practice.
15:36It could take that long. I'm really bad at it.
15:42Maybe I should start right now and
15:47go back to Pasadena and let you have this experience to yourself.
15:51You just want to go back because that's where everybody makes a fuss over you.
15:55Your colleagues are right. You are brilliant.
16:00Did you guys know this year is the 40th anniversary of Halloween?
16:04Nonsense. Halloween traditions date back to the Celtic festival of Samhain.
16:08Although, our current Halloween customs come from the evening before All Hallows Day,
16:13All Hallows Eve, thus Halloween.
16:16I meant the movie Halloween.
16:19Oh. Well, that's not interesting at all.
16:22Did you know that Michael Myers' mask from the film is actually a Captain Kirk mask turned inside out?
16:26Okay, now it's interesting.
16:29Are you guys all dressing up for work?
16:32Of course. I mean, how often do you get to wear costumes to work?
16:35Says the man with a giant belt buckle and a dickie.
16:38Hey, this is not a costume. It's a choice. It's a style.
16:42It's a tragedy.
16:44Why don't we get to dress up at work?
16:46We used to, but a couple guys in the infectious disease lab went as zombies and it triggered a quarantine.
16:52The CDC was so mad.
16:56Hey, if you really want to dress up, we could throw a party.
16:59Oh, that would be fun.
17:01You know, I used to throw Halloween parties all the time when I moved into the building.
17:04All the time? I only remember being invited to one.
17:07Please don't make this awkward for me.
17:11Okay, so Friday night, Halloween party here.
17:14Okay. Great. Can't wait.
17:16What are you going as?
17:18I don't want to ruin the surprise. You'll see it at work. Just a warning. It's pretty scary.
17:22Is it a bird? No.
17:24Is it a dog? No.
17:26Oh, I think I'll be fine then.
17:32Hello.
17:34Hello.
17:37I see you are dressed as Doc Brown from Back to the Future.
17:41May I assume that Amy is going as his wife, Clara Clayton from Back to the Future Part 3?
17:46She is.
18:01Did you do something different to your hair?
18:04Yes.
18:08Looking good.
18:15Now, I know what you're thinking.
18:17Isn't Broccoli Hulk basically just the Jolly Green Giant?
18:22That is what I was thinking. Let's never discuss it again.
18:27Really?
18:29Are you hiding from Penny again?
18:30No, no, no. I went to SoulCycle with her and my legs hurt so bad, I literally can't stand up.
18:37Sheldon, why don't you keep him company?
18:41Alright.
18:44Hello, Leonard.
18:51Have you ever wondered what the Hulk would be like if he were made of Sherbert?
19:01I give up.
19:03Delicious.
19:07Oh, isn't this nice.
19:13What is it?
19:15You know, it's one of those...
19:21Nope, doesn't do that.
19:23Oh, maybe it's candy. Lick it.
19:27I don't want to lick it. You lick it.
19:29I'm not going to lick it. I just brush my teeth.
19:32Is it from one of your dumb sci-fi shows?
19:34None of the sci-fi shows I watch are dumb.
19:37Sheldon.
19:38Okay, Westworld.
19:39But this has nothing to do with that show, other than it's also inexplicable.
19:43Well, Leonard and Penny are our best friends. They know us better than anyone.
19:46They said it's the perfect gift. We must be missing something.
19:50You don't think it's a marital aid, do you?
19:57Well, don't be silly, Amy. How is this big glass shaft going to aid our marriage?
20:05I'm still tweaking things a little bit, but this will give you the general idea of the website.
20:09So, what do you guys think?
20:12Well, pretty much any way I say that is going to hurt its feelings.
20:20Okay, what's wrong with it?
20:21What's wrong with it?
20:22Not you. I wasn't asking you.
20:26Penny, I'm really sorry.
20:28I'm sorry, too.
20:29I'm sorry.
20:30I'm sorry.
20:31I'm sorry.
20:32I'm sorry.
20:33I'm sorry.
20:34I'm sorry.
20:35I'm sorry.
20:36I'm sorry.
20:37I'm sorry.
20:38Penny?
20:39Well, it's a little juvenile. I mean, it kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
20:46No, it doesn't.
20:47Oh, please. Dateline could use it to attract predators.
20:55Penny, this is your enterprise, so it's ultimately your decision.
20:59But based on the quality of his work, I'd strongly recommend that we let Leonard go.
21:04You want to fire me?
21:05Fire me?
21:06What I want is irrelevant. This is Penny's decision.
21:10Penny?
21:11Excuse me, but if I did such a bad job, then why do we already have orders?
21:15We do?
21:16Uh-huh. Look.
21:18Mrs. Fiona Fondel from Huntsville, Alabama has ordered two.
21:22No kidding. Two?
21:24Uh-huh. Look at the comments.
21:26Thank you, Penny Blossoms. These will be perfect to cover my bald spots.
21:30Aww.
21:33That is so sweet.
21:35Camouflaging bald spots is primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market.
21:41How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
21:48We add Bluetooth.
21:51Brilliant. Men love Bluetooth.
21:54Wait a minute, wait a minute. You want to make a hair barrette with Bluetooth?
21:57Penny, everything is better with Bluetooth.
22:04Holy crap. Someone just ordered a thousand penny blossoms.
22:08Get out. Who needs a thousand sparkly flower barrettes with rhinestones?
22:14The fifth annual East Rutherford, New Jersey Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Alliance Luau.
22:21Another market to expand into. Balding gay men.
22:25And I'll bet lesbians love Bluetooth.
22:28We should get to work.
22:30Wait, wait, wait. Why does it say one day rush? Since when do we offer a one day rush?
22:35Amazon offers one day rush.
22:37Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together.
22:41How the hell are we going to make a thousand penny blossoms in one day?
22:44Don't yell at me. I'm not manufacturing. I'm just web design.
22:48Okay, well I'm going to have to call them and cancel that order.
22:50Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence or entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation?
22:57Yeah, my brilliance and innovation, of course, but still.
23:01I just don't see how we can pull this off.
23:04That right there, that equivocation and self-doubt, that is not the American spirit.
23:10Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie?
23:14They didn't quit. They were massacred.
23:18By like a gazillion angry Mexicans.
23:23Alright, let me put it this way. Your grocery seats on this one order will be over $3,000 for one night's work.
23:31You guys get started.
23:34What are you doing?
23:35Going online to buy shoes.
23:40Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide. I slipped and skinned my knee.
23:45Are you okay?
23:47Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked.
23:50So I had to go down the fire escape, which ends on the third floor,
23:53forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family who insisted I stay for lunch.
23:59That doesn't sound too bad.
24:01It was eight courses of lamb and they tried to fix me up with their son.
24:06Sorry.
24:07Not done. By the time I finally got to work, they'd given my shift away.
24:10Yeah, that's right. I'd lost an entire day's pay thanks to this.
24:14This...
24:15Time machine.
24:19The lights flash and the dish spins. You want to try it?
24:21No!
24:23I don't want to try it! My God, you are grown men!
24:27How can you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books?
24:32And now that! That!
24:34Again, time machine.
24:37Oh, please. It's not a time machine.
24:39If anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.
24:48I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.
24:52Fine, but can't we go home and start this?
24:54Sure. Let go of the ring.
24:57Alright, it starts now.
24:59You do realize there's a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Sci-Fi Channel?
25:23Wait! My laptop!
25:30Oh, God.
25:36Yeah, there's a point when this becomes idiotic.
25:39And it wasn't when we were driving like this.
25:43Good afternoon and welcome to today's Physics Bowl practice round.
25:46I'm Penny and I'll be your host because apparently I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon.
25:52And isn't that just a little sad?
25:56Gentlemen, are you ready?
25:57Yes.
25:58Of course. Fire away.
25:59You know, it's none of my business, but isn't a guy who can't speak in front of women gonna hold you back a little?
26:04Oh, he'll be okay once the women are mixed into the crowd.
26:07He only has a problem when they're one-on-one and smell nice.
26:10Aw, thanks, Raj. It's vanilla oil.
26:13I was actually the one who noticed. Okay, let's just start.
26:17Okay, the first question is on the topic of optics.
26:20What is the shortest light pulse ever produced?
26:23Dr. Cooper.
26:24And of course, the answer is 130 attoseconds.
26:26That is correct.
26:27I knew that, too.
26:29Good for you, sweetie.
26:30Okay, next question.
26:32What is the quantum mechanical effect used to encode data on hard disk drives?
26:37Howard.
26:38And of course, the answer is giant magnetoresistance.
26:40Right.
26:41Hey, I buzzed in.
26:43And I answered. It's called teamwork.
26:47Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.
26:51By that logic, I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.
26:58Just ask another one.
26:59Okay.
27:01What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted frame dragging?
27:06And of course, it's Gravity Probe B.
27:09Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.
27:11Why?
27:12Because it's polite.
27:14What do manners have to do with it?
27:16This is war.
27:19Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again?
27:24Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.
27:28The objective of the competition is to give correct answers.
27:31If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?
27:33Some of us might have the correct answers, too.
27:36Oh, please. You don't even have a PhD.
27:38All right, that's it.
27:39Howard, sit down.
27:40Okay.
27:43Maybe we should take a little break.
27:44Good idea. I need my wrist brace.
27:46All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.
27:51I agree.
27:52What did he say?
27:54He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.
28:03Yeah, and the bag it came in.
28:10Leonard, excellent. I want to show you something.
28:12Can it wait? I need to talk to you.
28:14Just look. I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team.
28:17The colors are based on Star Trek, the original series.
28:20The three of you will wear support red, and I will wear command gold.
28:25Why do they say AA?
28:27Army ants.
28:30Isn't that confusing?
28:31AA might mean something else to certain people.
28:34Why would a physics bowl team be called anodized aluminum?
28:39No, I mean...
28:41Never mind.
28:43Check it out.
28:45I got you a Batman cookie jar.
28:48Oh, neat!
28:50What's the occasion?
28:51Well, you're a friend, and you like Batman and cookies, and you're off the team.
29:00What?
29:01Howard, Raj, and I just had a team meeting.
29:03No, you didn't.
29:04Yes, we did. I just came from there.
29:06Okay, I don't know where you just came from,
29:08but it couldn't have been a team meeting because I'm on the team, and I wasn't there.
29:11Ergo, the team did not meet.
29:14Okay, let me try it this way.
29:17I was at a coffee clatch with a couple of friends,
29:20and one thing led to another, and it turns out you're off the team.
29:25Why?
29:26Because you're taking all the fun out of it.
29:28I'm sorry. Is the winner of the physics bowl the team that has the most fun?
29:32Okay, let me try it this way.
29:34You're annoying, and no one wants to play with you anymore.
29:39I see.
29:41Well, at this point, I should inform you that I intend to form my own team
29:47and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together
29:51and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears.
29:57Thanks for the heads up.
29:59You're welcome.
30:02One more thing.
30:03Yes?
30:04It's on, bitch.
30:06Oh, my God.
30:09Has your assistant said anything about me?
30:12No, in fact, she has.
30:14Her exact words were, what is that guy's problem?
30:19I'm in her head. Let the dance begin.
30:25Here's your frozen yogurt, Dr. Cooper.
30:27This should be fun.
30:28Half chocolate, half vanilla, side by side, not swirled.
30:31Yes.
30:32Half a teaspoon of sprinkles.
30:33Rainbow, not chocolate.
30:34Two cherries.
30:35One on top, one on the bottom.
30:36Stems removed.
30:38Top one, yes, I didn't check the one on the bottom.
30:44I'm so sorry, Dr. Cooper.
30:46It's all right, Alex. I'm not mad at you.
30:48I'm just disappointed.
30:52Wait, Alex, do you want to join us?
30:54Alex, a moment.
30:56I need a word with Dr. Hofstadter.
30:59Do you think it's appropriate for her to sit with us,
31:03given her station?
31:07Given her what?
31:08If I've learned anything from British television shows on PBS,
31:12it's that servants dine downstairs with their own kind.
31:18What?
31:20It's a kindness, Leonard.
31:22Otherwise, you're cruelly tempting them
31:24with a glimpse of a world that's just beyond their sustained fingertips.
31:29Oh, sure.
31:31Please join us.
31:32Oh, okay.
31:35So, Alex, what's the topic of your dissertation?
31:37I'm looking for Trojan asteroids at Earth's L5 Lagrange point.
31:41Oh, that happens to be Dr. Cuthbert's field of expertise.
31:45You two have a lot to talk about.
31:50Is that true?
31:55No.
32:03Is he alright?
32:05No.
32:10But compared to your boss, he's the poster boy for sanity.
32:15It's okay, I've been around scientists all my life.
32:17My dad's an astronomer at SETI.
32:19Oh, SETI.
32:20The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.
32:22You should introduce him to Sheldon.
32:23The search is over.
32:26So, what kind of research are you doing?
32:28High-energy lasers.
32:29Ooh, military?
32:30Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away.
32:36You were right.
32:37I had nothing to worry about.
32:38That skank's your problem, not mine.
32:42You're very funny, Dr. Hofstadter.
32:44Oh, thank you.
32:45Cherry sip!
32:46Cherry sip!
32:48Shit.
32:50Okay, what do we start with?
32:52Maybe splicing some genes?
32:54Clone a sheep?
32:56Perhaps grow a human ear on a mouse's back?
32:59Haha, I'm a freak!
33:03Well, I'm going to be doing some brainstem histology
33:06while you put yourself on the business end of a sponge
33:09and wash those beakers.
33:11Wash those be...
33:12Oh, I get it.
33:14A little hazing for the new fella.
33:16Better keep an eye out for shoe polish on the microscope
33:19for mad cow disease in my grilled cheese sandwich.
33:23No, I just need those beakers washed.
33:25Hippity hop, quick like a bunny.
33:27Excuse me?
33:28You have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab.
33:30You're going to make him do the dishes?
33:32That's like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.
33:38Sheldon, you've never worked in a lab like this before.
33:40You have no experience in the field of biology.
33:43I have plenty of experience in biology.
33:45I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998.
33:48And...
33:50It's still alive. Let's do this.
33:53There wasn't ever going to be a winner.
33:55There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring
33:58and three people who used to be his friend.
34:00Is that really what you guys want?
34:01Because if it is, fine.
34:02I don't want anything to do with you.
34:05And I don't know what happened in that bathroom,
34:07but I am not cleaning it up.
34:15Oh.
34:25My precious.
34:42I knew it.
34:46Give us the precious.
34:48Never!
34:50Give it to me!
34:51Get off of me!
34:52Give it to me!
34:53It's mine!
34:54Gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
34:56Give it to me!
34:57Give it to me!
34:58Give it to me!
34:59Give it to me!
35:00I said give it to me!