Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a Scottish woman who had a sex toy left on her porch by a neighbor, which leads to people calling in about naughty package delivery mistakes.
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00:00This is a grandma getting something in her mailbox and she could be related to Chuck
00:09because she's in Scotland and her name is Dorothy Urquhart.
00:15Well, Urquhart in Scotland is like Smith.
00:18Oh, everyone has that name.
00:20It sounds so Scottish.
00:21Urquhart!
00:22Urquhart!
00:23It's Urquhart!
00:23Urquhart!
00:25Urquhart!
00:25A grandmother said she had to call her son to come on a date.
00:30Identify a dirty vibrator that was sent into her letterbox.
00:36Yeah, I am related to her.
00:3773-year-old Dorothy Urquhart found the purple dildo dangling from her door's mail slot.
00:44She said it was dirty and had stuff on it.
00:47Okay, I have to send this to my mom and find out if I'm related.
00:52She had to call her son to come around and identify it.
00:55For God's sakes, Mom.
00:57Identify this.
00:58What is that?
00:58You know what it is.
01:00It's a fake wheelie.
01:02Oh, it's a wheelie.
01:04I had no idea.
01:04It's a dildo.
01:06There's a dildo.
01:08Burn it.
01:09Burn it to the ground.
01:10We better burn it to the ground.
01:15She said when he told me what it was, it did upset me.
01:18I was quite upset when he told me that.
01:20Because you don't expect a dunger to be hanging from your door.
01:24You don't.
01:24No.
01:25You don't.
01:26A dirty dunger.
01:28A dirty dunger.
01:28Old lady.
01:29Probably a real, real angry woman.
01:32Yeah.
01:32You think so?
01:33Angry, old Scottish.
01:34Most of the ear carts get angry.
01:38That's too bad.
01:39How did I feel?
01:40I was pissed.
01:40Yeah.
01:42Someone said, my last job had a package get delivered to my boss.
01:45Turns out someone got his credit card and wanted to give him a little FU.
01:49The package was a realistic vagina-ass combo delivered to him in the professional workplace.
01:56My boss initially thought it was his friend messing with him.
01:59It was just someone getting revenge.
02:00Those are those high-quality half-butt ones.
02:02Yeah, just the jiggly butt.
02:04The jiggly ass.
02:05Here's the reverse of that.
02:06Someone said, I ordered a fairly large dildo and it was delivered to the wrong address.
02:11It was never returned to me, so I'll never know which neighbor knows I'm a freak.
02:16You have to move.
02:18Because it has your name on it.
02:20It has your name on it.
02:21Absolutely.
02:21Hey there, Cindy.
02:22Got your gigantic dildo.
02:24You like them big, huh?
02:28You're one of them size queens, huh?
02:30Yeah, we took that thing out.
02:31It took two guys to carry it up to the door.
02:33It's so heavy.
02:35That thing's got some weight to it.
02:37I tell you, it was like a roll of carpet.
02:39I never seen anything like it.
02:41It came and I was like, who the hell ordered?
02:42What the hell is this?
02:43Some kind of construction equipment?
02:45What is that there?
02:46Open it up, bada, boom, bada, bang.
02:47That thing is AP noose.
02:50Do you want it back?
02:51I never look at you the same.
02:56I got it in a wheelbarrow.
02:58That thing is crazy.
02:59Sitting in the guest room of my house, just taking up most of the space in there.
03:04Someone said, as progressive as you all are, why would you care if you got your neighbor's
03:07toys?
03:07It's not.
03:08I wouldn't care.
03:09I'm trying to save them from embarrassment.
03:12They may not be as progressive.
03:15I don't want to know.
03:16Exactly.
03:17It's secrets.
03:18It's secrets.
03:19That's your neighbor and what they're into.
03:20I don't care how innocent it is.
03:23I don't want my neighbor's nipple clamps.
03:25I don't want my neighbor's lube.
03:28I don't want anything from the neighbor.
03:31And I don't want them to get anything of mine.
03:34No.
03:35It is weird to get...
03:36Hey, Cindy, another package came for you by mistake over here.
03:39Some kind of vagina electrocution kit.
03:43That thing is wild.
03:45I didn't know what it was at first.
03:47I plugged it in.
03:48I was like, is this a video game?
03:50What is this?
03:51Some kind of new operation game?
03:53Almost lit your cat on fire.
03:55Things got wild.
03:57Just for a minute, just trying to figure out what the hell it was.
03:59I didn't even know what it was.
04:01But if you want it back, you come right over.
04:03We'll get it to you.
04:04Does anyone offer a sex box of a month?
04:08They have to.
04:09Oh, yes.
04:10Let's look it up.
04:11I feel like there is.
04:11If there is, I'm ordering it.
04:13If there's not, we need to start it.
04:16Oh, you guys, it's done.
04:18Come on.
04:18No, it is.
04:18There's no sex box of a month.
04:19One of my buddies does it for fish.
04:23Spicy subscriptions.
04:25You could do it for anything, right?
04:26Yeah.
04:26What do you get in there?
04:28How could they change it up?
04:28There's the 10 best sex toy subscription boxes.
04:31We'll give you some different lubes.
04:3210 best?
04:3210 best.
04:33So there's already like...
04:34Yeah, different lubes.
04:35My goodness.
04:35So here's what you can get.
04:36You can get Heart and Honey Box, the Fantasy Box, Unbound, the Slut Box.
04:40Ooh.
04:40Get me that.
04:41The Workbench.
04:41I didn't think your Slut Box came to the wrong house again.
04:45I hate to keep doing this thing.
04:47You gotta watch yourself with those fingers when you're typing in that address.
04:51Because it's making me and a UPS guy having some weird moments.
04:56I get it.
04:5734 or 43.
04:5934 or 43.
05:00But...
05:00I tell you what, they're not discreet.
05:02It said sex box right on that side of the goddamn thing.
05:06Slut Box.
05:07Slut Box.
05:07Slut Box, I mean.
05:09That's right.
05:11Is this what's in the Slut Box?
05:12That's in one.
05:13So that's an example of like one of them.
05:14So that's...
05:15You get one of those crazy dildas.
05:17You get the Cat and Nine Tails.
05:19That's it.
05:20You get cuffs.
05:21Yeah.
05:21Chocolate Fantasy Lotion.
05:23And then Sparkle Mist.
05:25Wow.
05:26It's crazy.
05:27And someone said,
05:28One Scott, my elderly neighbor's Naked Women Motorcycle Riders magazine.
05:32Amazing.
05:33So for years, we nicknamed him Easy Rider.
05:35Easy Rider!
05:37How are you?
05:38I want a subscription to that magazine.
05:39Is there a...
05:40Can we see it?
05:41Naked Women Motorcycle?
05:44It's just naked rods.
05:45That's kind of...
05:46That's like something from the 80s.
05:47It's so old school.
05:48That's like...
05:49It's so old school to have a naked motorcycle chick magazine.
05:53Like who's still doing that?
05:56No one?
05:56No one?
05:58Any packages come for you guys?
06:02I've been waiting on a...
06:03Hey, Mr. Johnson.
06:04Yeah, I've been waiting on a delivery.
06:07Yeah, we got something.
06:08You did?
06:09Okay.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Was it like a...
06:10Was it like a magazine?
06:12It's a magazine.
06:13Yeah.
06:13Did you open it?
06:15Sure did, Mr. Johnson.
06:16You know about my...
06:17Hey, bud.
06:17You know about my secrets?
06:19There you go.
06:19I love naked ladies.
06:20I know you do.
06:21I know you do.
06:22I pop a couple of blues and then I just...
06:24I look at this for a couple of hours at a time.
06:28Two blues.
06:28I pop two blues.
06:30Get hard as a rock and then just...
06:32Red my own motorcycle engine.
06:33Yeah.
06:35Yikes.
06:35You don't want to get that either.
06:36All right.
06:37You don't want to get it.
06:37You don't want to get it.
06:38You don't want to get it.
06:39You don't want to get it.
06:39You don't want to get it.
06:40You don't want to get it.
06:40You don't want to get it.
06:41You don't want to get it.
06:41You don't want to get it.
06:42You don't want to get it.
06:42You don't want to get it.
06:43You don't want to get it.
06:43You don't want to get it.
06:44You don't want to get it.
06:44You don't want to get it.
06:45You don't want to get it.
06:46You don't want to get it.
06:46You don't want to get it.
06:47You don't want to get it.
06:48You don't want to get it.
06:49You don't want to get it.