TOMIE has a job that some may find unusual. "Men pay me thousands of dollars to submit to me. Men love to worship me," she told Love Don't Judge. Realising she was a dom from a young age, Tomie eventually decided to start a career in this industry. Recounting her first time in the job, Tomie said, "I remember the first encounter just felt electric. I'm called to do this thing." Initially, Tomie kept her career under wraps, but she's now very open about what she does for a living. "I was quite shy when I started off, but now that I'm five years in, whatever room I walk into, I want people to know that this is what I do," she explained. In this episode of Love Don't Judge, Tomie's first-ever sub, Zero, will be coming over for a session where Tomie will set him an impossible task. She said, "If he messes up, there's going to be some kind of punishment. I already know that he's going to struggle, which is going to be fun to look at."
Follow Tomie on Instagram @mx.tomie.digital and TikTok @mxtomie.digital
Follow Tomie on Instagram @mx.tomie.digital and TikTok @mxtomie.digital
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00:00My name is Tomi and men pay me thousands of dollars to submit to me.
00:05Men love to worship me.
00:08On a yearly basis, I make a high six figures.
00:11I think there is a wide variety of criticism.
00:13There might be something a little bit threatening about a powerful woman.
00:18Get on your hands and knees.
00:20I'm going to be mixing brown and white rice together.
00:24He has to separate the two colors.
00:26Did you already drop it?
00:27Oh my gosh, I knew you were going to mess up on this so quickly.
00:30It's entertaining for me to watch someone struggle.
00:34Do you date or have a partner?
00:38Hi, I'm Tomi and this is my office.
00:41This section is a lot of my tools and toys.
00:46So we have some headgear, lots of gloves, alcohol prep pads and things like that so that we can play safely.
00:54Rope section, I have some of my duct tape here too.
00:57One of my clients gifted me a porcelain replica of myself.
01:05I've been dominant my entire life.
01:08That scene in the Matrix where Neo is on his back, his mouth disappears and then the metal bug goes into his belly button.
01:16The scene always stood out to me.
01:18My previous career was in the anti-trafficking policy space and in that space oftentimes intersects with sex workers rights.
01:26I met a lot of the New York City community through that work and decided to jump right into it.
01:31I remember the first encounter just felt electric.
01:36You know, like, oh, I'm called to do this thing.
01:39It's just so gratifying for me to be the most intense, powerful version of myself.
01:45Alrighty, I think Zero is on the way and I'm going to start prepping.
01:49Zero's been my client since 2019.
01:52He's my first ever client.
01:54I'm going to be mixing brown and white rice together and then he has to separate the two colors.
02:01And if he messes up, there's going to be some kind of punishment.
02:05I already know he's going to struggle, which is going to be fun to look at.
02:08Alrighty, get on your hands and knees.
02:11Crawl out.
02:12Come, come, come.
02:13I've been seeing Mistress Tony for about five years.
02:16He had a list of books that he liked in his profile and there was just this overwhelmingly clear feeling in me that,
02:23Oh, I want to own this man.
02:26She's very intelligent and creative and sometimes can be very intense, yet is also a very compassionate and ethical person.
02:34No matter how strange or scary the situation may seem, I always feel safe with her.
02:40So when we started, it was a very classical client dynamic and COVID happened.
02:46So I installed cameras in his home.
02:50He had absolutely no privacy, you know, looking through his phone, through a remote controlled app.
02:56Once COVID was over, we can resume play.
02:59We decided to get into a ownership contract where it lined out my responsibility, my roles.
03:06And then there was the one big tribute that he gave me.
03:11It was a comfortable six figures.
03:13All righty.
03:14Come up here.
03:15Crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl over here.
03:17Okay.
03:18On the other end of the hall is a small pile of white rice mixed with brown rice.
03:26You have exactly five minutes to pick white rice all here.
03:34If you mess up, you will be punished.
03:36If you don't make it in five minutes, you'll be punished.
03:39If you drop one grain of rice during the crawling, you will be punished.
03:44Got it?
03:45Yes, mistress.
03:46Ready, set, go.
03:49Right now my current rates are 1k an hour starting.
03:56There is no typical session because every individual is different.
04:01I see their psychological profile.
04:04I then tend to get on a console call to talk a little bit more about why they're doing this.
04:09From there, I craft the session.
04:12Did you already drop it?
04:13Oh my gosh, I knew you were going to mess up on this so quickly.
04:16None of my friends and family know about this part of my life.
04:20I was quite shy when I first started off.
04:23But now that I'm five years into this, whatever room I walk into, I want everyone to know that this is what I do.
04:30People tend to be curious about it.
04:32They tend to ask some questions.
04:33You know, they may have some preconceptions.
04:35There's been times where I've interacted with people in social settings where they were defensive around it.
04:41But it's also very clear that they're defensive around their own insecurities and shame.
04:48Three, two, and one.
04:52Couldn't even get five and you dropped it.
04:55Pathetic.
04:56So pathetic.
04:57Did you learn anything from that?
04:59No?
05:00He learned nothing.
05:02I think for me, I like sessions like this because it's entertaining for me to watch someone struggle.
05:11How does it feel for you to do something difficult just to please someone?
05:16Well, of course I want to please you, mistress.
05:19Yeah.
05:20I'm going to punish Zero.
05:21Are you looking forward to the punishment, sir?
05:23Yes and no.
05:25Tommy is the person who has most met my needs but also has been a very powerful influence and a very positive influence.
05:33My life has been enormously improved because of our influence.
05:37Good boy.
05:38Okay.
05:39Time for your punishment.
05:40I'm going to be using rice again.
05:42Congrats.
05:45Faster, faster, faster.
05:47Come on.
05:48I know that judgments and criticisms exist unless it's impacting my day to day in a very practical way.
05:55I don't quite pay attention to it.
05:57I don't read any comments online.
06:00I have a small but incredibly loyal following and I feel so grateful every single day that I have them in my life.
06:07For close, regular clients, I would say six to like eight that's, you know, seeing me consistently.
06:17And for online fans, I have around 2k.
06:21And all of this doesn't include people who just consume my content.
06:25On a yearly basis, I make a high six figures.
06:29I don't ask for gifts.
06:32I do have a wish list.
06:34So these are some of the jewelry that's been gifted to me over the years.
06:40The best advice I got was never spend your own money on luxury goods.
06:46This is the Cartier love lock in gold.
06:50Vivienne Westwood pearl earrings.
06:52Tiffany gold necklace.
06:55Matching Cartier ring.
06:57I think there is a wide variety of criticisms.
07:00I think a big bulk of it is rooted in patriarchal ideas around what a woman is allowed to demand.
07:06I think in general there might be something a little bit threatening about a powerful woman.
07:12The kinds of criticisms they get is unique.
07:15And I think there is a duty to try to destigmatize the work for other people.
07:20Do you date or have a partner?
07:24I find that I get a lot of my needs fulfilled through my clients.
07:31A lot of my emotional energy goes into these relationships.
07:36There is no other industry where women have a gross and unfair advantage.
07:43And there is also no other industry where I can have as much freedom as I want.
07:49I think socially women are so conditioned to not rock the boat.
07:55To give and give and give at the expense of themselves.
07:59I feel so lucky and I want to pursue what I want.
08:02What do I want to say to people who are critical or judgmental?
08:06I don't think absolutely everyone needs to agree, right?
08:10And I think that's okay.
08:11But you should know why you don't agree.
08:13And I think that will shine a light on your own values.
08:16And that's okay too.