30min | Comedy, Short, TV Series | Episode aired 25 December 1952
Gracie interferes after Harry Von Zell goes out with a married woman and the result is a mistaken-identity lawsuit against Harry Morton.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Sid Dorfman, Harvey Helm, Nate Monaster, Jesse Goldstein, William Burns
Stars: George Burns, Gracie Allen, Harry von Zell
Gracie interferes after Harry Von Zell goes out with a married woman and the result is a mistaken-identity lawsuit against Harry Morton.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Sid Dorfman, Harvey Helm, Nate Monaster, Jesse Goldstein, William Burns
Stars: George Burns, Gracie Allen, Harry von Zell
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I bet you can't guess who they are.
00:07No, but the bare skin rugs look familiar.
00:10You know my mother used to have one.
00:12No, no, no, Gracie, it's Jackie Gleason and Ed Sullivan.
00:15Really?
00:16Well, I never would have recognized them.
00:18And who are the babies?
00:23Gleason and Sullivan are the babies.
00:25Every month this magazine runs baby pictures of famous television stars.
00:29My, those magazine people are smart.
00:31Imagine them knowing which babies are going to become famous and taking pictures of them.
00:39Yeah, they've got great foresight.
00:41Come in.
00:43Gracie, there's an article in here I want you to read.
00:46It's, uh, Jack Benny wrote it and he mentions our name.
00:49Oh?
00:50Oh, hello, Jane.
00:51Oh, Jane, they're fitting already?
00:53Remember, you're on every week now.
00:55This won't take long.
00:56I'll try it on.
00:57How are you, Mr. Burns?
00:58Hello, Jane.
00:59Saw your husband yesterday.
01:00Oh, I know.
01:01He told me.
01:02I hope he didn't bother you with those corny jokes of his.
01:05In fact, the joke he told me was a beauty.
01:07He said, Mr. Burns, where can I buy yours?
01:10And I said, what's yours?
01:12He said, scotch and soda, what's yours?
01:18Oh, I wish Chester would stop with those jokes.
01:22Oh, Jane, don't worry about your husband being a comedian.
01:25If scotch and soda would do it, my Uncle Harvey would be funnier than Red Skelton.
01:30I guess you're right.
01:31Will you step up here, Gracie, please?
01:33All right.
01:34Oh, you know, we had some friends watching your last show at our apartment
01:38and you never heard such laughing.
01:40Well, I don't know what they were laughing at.
01:42I think you have a lovely apartment.
01:44I mean, they thought your show was funny.
01:46Oh?
01:47Well, why were they laughing at your apartment?
01:49I guess I don't know either.
01:51Uh, will you just turn around, please?
01:53All right.
01:54You know, I went to Magnum's and I had this...
01:57No, no, dear, I meant just half a turn.
02:00Oh.
02:01Well, I went to...
02:06Either one, you stay right here and I'll walk around behind you.
02:10Oh, that's a good idea.
02:12Well, anyway, I went to Magnum's to do some shopping for this customer of mine for an evening gown
02:17and a mannequin model one you would never believe.
02:21You could hardly tell where the low neckline ended and her open-toed shoes began.
02:25Oh, really?
02:26So help me.
02:27Oh, well...
02:28And it cost $500.
02:30No, isn't that awful?
02:32Imagine a woman spending all that kind of money
02:34and having nothing to show for it except herself.
02:38Oh, isn't that terrible?
02:40Come in.
02:42Bravo.
02:44Oh, hi, Grace.
02:45Hello, Jane.
02:46Hello, Harry.
02:47How are you, Mr. von Zell?
02:48Gee, that is beautiful.
02:49Oh, Jane, I just ran into your husband.
02:51He told me wonderful jokes.
02:54He said, scotch and soda.
02:56What's a yours?
02:59Well, Harry, tell the joke.
03:00It sounds like it would be awfully funny.
03:03No, I'll tell you later, Gracie.
03:05I have to see George.
03:06Is he around?
03:07He's out on the patio.
03:08But don't rush away, Harry.
03:10I'm sorry you couldn't be here for dinner last night.
03:12Oh, well, so am I.
03:13Oh, what a mess I got into.
03:15Oh, what happened?
03:17What happened?
03:18Gracie, last week I met this girl at a party
03:20and later I sent her some flowers.
03:22Last night I took her to the Macombo.
03:24This morning a friend of mine tells me she's a married woman.
03:27Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
03:29Married women are allowed at the Macombo.
03:32I know.
03:34And she only went with me to make her husband jealous.
03:36Oh, well, now that's a mean trick
03:38and you ought to get even with her.
03:40Tonight, why don't you take her husband to the Macombo
03:42and make her jealous?
03:44The least she could have done
03:46was tell me that she's a married woman.
03:48She wasn't even wearing a wedding ring.
03:50Oh, my goodness.
03:51I hope she didn't catch cold.
03:55And I'll tell you something else.
03:57Before anything happens,
03:58I'm forgetting all about Sylvia Nelson.
04:01I'm going out to see George.
04:03All right, Harry.
04:05Isn't it terrible what some married women
04:07will do to make their husbands jealous?
04:09Oh, it's awful.
04:10You read about these jealousy murders all the time?
04:12There was a case like that right in our apartment house.
04:15Oh, really?
04:16Yes.
04:17A husband up on the second floor
04:19was kissing a married woman across the hall
04:21and he caught the flu.
04:23That's how his wife found out about it.
04:25Oh.
04:26And then what happened?
04:27The wife got a gun and shot him.
04:29Oh, well, that's ridiculous.
04:30There are easier ways to cure the flu.
04:34Nothing like that happens to Harry Von Zell.
04:36He's such a nice fellow.
04:37Yes.
04:38Well, before that happens,
04:40I think somebody should call this, uh,
04:42this Sylvia Nelson
04:44and say that she's Harry Von Zell's wife.
04:47But he doesn't have a wife.
04:48I know, but it would scare the daylights out of her
04:50and she'd leave him alone.
04:52Might not be such a bad idea at that.
04:54Oh, Gracie, I have to get some more pins.
04:56I'll be right back.
04:57All right.
04:59You know,
05:00I'll do it.
05:01It would be awful if Harry Von Zell
05:03got the flu and had to be shot.
05:11Hello?
05:12Is Mrs. Sylvia Nelson there?
05:15She isn't home, but I'm her husband.
05:16Can I help you?
05:17Oh, well, yes.
05:19Uh, last night,
05:20your wife was at the Macombo with my husband.
05:23Your husband?
05:24Yes, my, my husband Harry.
05:26Oh, the one who sent the flowers.
05:28Now, to this you keep your wife away from Harry.
05:30I don't want him catching the flu.
05:32Oh, I'm sorry.
05:33I'm sorry.
05:34I'm sorry.
05:35I'm sorry.
05:36I'm sorry.
05:37I'm sorry.
05:38I'm sorry.
05:39I don't want you catching the flu.
05:41Look, I'd like to have a talk with your husband.
05:42What's his last name?
05:43Where do you live?
05:44Where do I live?
05:45Well, Mr. Nelson, you go right after Mr.
05:48Gail, where do you live?
05:49Where do I live?
05:50I live...
05:51Don't tell him.
05:53I live at, um, 314 Maple Drive,
05:57and I warned you.
05:59Oh, 314 Maple Drive.
06:01Don't you go blabbing around
06:03about my husband and your wife.
06:05It, it might get back to me,
06:06and I'm very jealous.
06:07Goodbye.
06:09You gave him the morning's address.
06:12Yeah, wasn't that fictitious?
06:22You know, if Harry Bonzell would stop playing around and get married, this thing would never have happened to him.
06:28But I'm not worried because I'm sure my writers will be able to get him out of the situation.
06:33I told Harry that being a bachelor is silly.
06:38I know some at the Friars Club.
06:41There's one good-looking young guy, about 30, and he thinks he's having a wonderful time.
06:47Every night he goes to the best restaurants, like Ciro's and the Macombo,
06:52and one night he's out with a gorgeous blonde, the next night with a redhead,
06:56and then with a luscious brunette.
06:59Well, it's all right now.
07:00But what is he going to do when he's 70?
07:06Why am I worried about him?
07:08What will I be doing when he's 70?
07:12But being a bachelor is nothing.
07:14I happen to know that every cent Harry Bonzell makes slips through his fingers.
07:19If you're married, this couldn't happen.
07:22Slips through your wife's fingers.
07:24Slips through your wife's fingers.
07:29I don't say that all marriages are happy.
07:32I met a fellow the other day, and he said,
07:35George, he said, did you hear what happened to Charlie and Mary Thompson?
07:39Sure sorry for those poor kids.
07:42I said, what happened?
07:44He said, they're back together again. Their separation didn't work out.
07:50Of course, a happy marriage is based on mutual understanding.
07:54I know two people who went about it the right way.
07:57They read all kinds of books on the subject.
08:00They attended a marriage clinic.
08:03They even took courses in domestic relations.
08:06And it worked.
08:08There's one couple who know exactly why they're not getting along.
08:16Marriage is a wonderful thing.
08:19I could tell you about hundreds of happy marriages, but I wouldn't get any laughs.
08:24Without laughs, no job.
08:27No job, no money.
08:29No money, no taxes.
08:31Without taxes, this country would go broke.
08:35See what happens if you don't laugh at me?
08:40Anyway, marriage is a wonderful thing.
08:43Harry Morton, I'm sick and tired of this.
08:47See what I mean?
08:49Never take me anywhere.
08:51Never say anything sweet to me.
08:52I can't even remember the last time you sent me flowers.
08:56Shame on you, Blanche, for getting your own wedding day.
09:01Very funny.
09:03How long do you think this can go on?
09:05Oh, not long. You usually get tired after an hour.
09:08Harry, forget the hillside house. You're never going to sell that lemon.
09:13Blanche, I happen to have a client.
09:15The only trouble is that I want to sell him the hillside house and he wants to live in the valley.
09:19Well, sell him the hillside house and tell him to wait for the first rain.
09:25Look at Blanche.
09:27Come in.
09:29You're a great help.
09:31Are you Harry?
09:33I'm Harry Morton.
09:35I'm Sylvia Nelson's husband. What's the idea of taking my wife to the Macombo last night?
09:39Look, there must be some mistake.
09:41There is, and you made it, brother.
09:43What's the idea of sending her flowers?
09:45Just a minute. This is my wife.
09:48She knows well that I'll beat you with an inch of your life.
09:51But I won't.
09:53I'm suing you for alienation of affections. I'll see you in court.
09:56Yeah, but look, just...
10:03Listen, I wasn't at the Macombo last night. I was up in the Hollywood hills.
10:09Is she pretty?
10:12I don't even know this woman. I've never seen her. I've never sent her any flowers.
10:15Is she pretty?
10:18I'll admit I was out last night. I was out the night before, but I was out working, making money,
10:22so I could buy you nice things and take you nice places. Believe me, that's the truth.
10:28Is she pretty?
10:31Yeah, yeah, she's beautiful. She's gorgeous.
10:34You want to know where I'm going right now?
10:36I'm going back to the Macombo so my steak won't get cold.
10:38I'm going back to the Macombo so my steak won't get cold.
10:47Oh, Blanche, don't cry. If a steak gets cold, they'll warm it up for you.
10:55What is it?
10:57It's Harry.
10:59What did he do?
11:01He's been taking out a married woman and buying her flowers.
11:03Oh, Blanche, I wish I'd known about it sooner.
11:07I just got Harry Bonsell out of the same kind of a jam.
11:28Well, it's developing nicely, huh?
11:30Harry Bonsell took out a woman who's trying to make her husband jealous.
11:34Her husband thinks it's Harry Morton.
11:37Blanche thinks it's true.
11:39Gracie thinks...
11:43No, I know her better than that.
11:47You know, if you saw this mix up in television, you'd never believe it,
11:50and here it is happening in real life.
11:54I think I'll take a little walk until this trouble blows over.
12:00Look, Blanche, I keep telling you, I didn't even know this woman.
12:03Now, will you cut out that foolishness and come on home?
12:08Oh, Harry Morton, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
12:11Poor Blanche, home alone every night,
12:14cooking and sewing and scrubbing floors
12:17and taking care of your children and working the fingers to the bone.
12:21Gracie, we don't have any children.
12:23Well, no wonder. You're at the Macombo with this woman all the time.
12:26You're never home to take Blanche to the hospital.
12:29I was not at the Macombo with that woman.
12:32Is she pretty?
12:34Gracie, I don't even know her.
12:36Is she pretty?
12:39Don't start that again.
12:41Is she pretty?
12:44Oh, there's Harry Morton. Excuse me, I'd like to speak to him.
12:47Well, I'll wait for you in the garden.
12:49All right. Say, Harry, how did you find Blanche?
12:51I'm worried, George. She won't come home. She's through with me.
12:54Well, look, I'll go over and see this Mr. Nelson.
12:57Talk to him. I'll square the whole thing.
12:59George, thanks loads. He gave me his card.
13:01There's his address.
13:03All right. I've got to get Blanche back.
13:05I'll go over and talk to him.
13:07I'll just tell him the truth.
13:09He's bound to...
13:12Harry, are you going to eat my dinner?
13:15George, your best friend and his wife are going to get married.
13:19George, your best friend and his wife are splitting up at a time like this.
13:23How can you talk about food?
13:26I'm sorry. I apologize.
13:29I have to get her back, George. I can't live without her.
13:32She was giving me stuffed veal tonight, and that's my favorite.
13:35I'll go over and see this Mr. Nelson.
13:37Let's see, this thing...
13:39Oh, hello, Darcy.
13:41Hello, dear. You know, that's just for you, George.
13:43If I were Blanche Morton, I'd break every dish in the house.
13:46No, I'm glad you're not like him.
13:48You wouldn't take another girl to the Macomb Bowl.
13:50Of course not.
13:54What was that for?
13:56In case you do.
13:58I'll see you later.
14:00Oh, and, dear, don't forget to put on your top coat. It's getting chilly out.
14:03All right. Goodbye, dear.
14:05Goodbye.
14:07Oh, and, George...
14:09Remember...
14:10Yes?
14:12How do you do?
14:14I've been trying to find your next-door neighbor,
14:16but he doesn't seem to be at home.
14:18I have a subpoena for him.
14:20Oh, it must be from his girlfriend.
14:22His wife wouldn't get him one.
14:24Oh, no, no, no.
14:26You see, I'm with O'Donnell, Campbell, and O'Donnell,
14:28and I have a summons for a suit.
14:30Oh, well, I don't care if it's from Hart, Schaffner, and Marks.
14:33I hope it doesn't fit him.
14:35Let me explain.
14:37You see, this is a suit.
14:38But let me explain.
14:40You see, he went out with a married woman,
14:42and her husband is suing him.
14:44Oh!
14:46Well, he's right inside.
14:48Come on in.
14:53Harry, there's a man here to give you a...
14:55Shh!
14:57Look, if he knows what it is, he won't take it.
14:59Oh!
15:01Well, I've never seen a summons. Could I look at it?
15:03Sure.
15:05Well, there's nothing in it.
15:07It must have fallen out.
15:09Oh, no, no, no.
15:11This is the summons.
15:13You know, this might cost him $5,000.
15:15Really?
15:17Well, personally, I wouldn't give you a nickel for it.
15:19Well, this means he may have to go to court.
15:22Oh!
15:24Could we stop whispering now?
15:26Sure.
15:28Harry, there's a man who...
15:30Shh!
15:32All right.
15:34Do the talking.
15:36Yeah, all right.
15:43Well, there's nobody here.
15:45But he was sitting right here.
15:48Oh, he's around.
15:50He left a little piece of chicken left.
15:52I'll find it.
15:54Harry! Harry!
16:01Well, mister, you must have been hungry.
16:04Mrs. Burns, call me.
16:06Are you Harry?
16:08Yeah.
16:10Well, uh, do you know a Mrs. Nelson?
16:13Sylvia?
16:15Yeah.
16:17Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
16:19Let me explain this.
16:21Wait, now, just a minute.
16:23I'm Harry.
16:25I'm Harry Martin.
16:27You're just the man I want.
16:29Lots of luck.
16:31Gracie!
16:33Gracie!
16:35Gracie!
16:37What is it, Harry?
16:39Hey, look, Harry Martin is mixed up with the same woman I was.
16:42You mean that Sylvia?
16:44Sylvia Nelson there, isn't it?
16:46Oh, well, that's the last straw.
16:48I'm going to tell her plenty.
16:50Wait a minute, Gracie.
16:52Listen, I don't...
16:55Hello?
16:57Hello, is this Miss Sylvia Nelson?
17:00Yes.
17:02Well, this is Mrs. George Burns.
17:04You've been going out with Harry Martin.
17:06Mr. Burns, your wife is on the phone.
17:08Oh?
17:10Hello, Gracie.
17:12George!
17:15Oh, George Burns, I never want to speak to you again as long as I live.
17:19And on your way home, you bring some more dishes.
17:30Well, now I'm in it, too.
17:33I've been keeping score.
17:35So far, there's Harry Martin, Harry, Bunzel, and me mixed up in this mess.
17:40We've got enough for a triangle without even involving a woman.
17:45Everything will be cleared up because I invited the Nelsons over to straighten everything out.
17:50But in the meantime, I better square myself with Gracie.
17:53But I know how to do that.
17:55I'll buy her some flowers.
17:58Or maybe a wristwatch.
18:01Or a mink coat.
18:04Yeah, that's what I'll do.
18:06I'll buy her some flowers.
18:10A little more coffee, Blanche?
18:12No, thanks, Gracie. I still have some.
18:15I still can't get it.
18:17That Harry gave me the shock of my life.
18:20And what about George?
18:22Well, I don't think he was shocked. He did the same thing Harry did.
18:25Oh, well.
18:27It'll all be over and we get rid of those two-timers we're married to.
18:32I think I'll go to Mexico for my divorce.
18:35Where are you going for yours?
18:37Wherever George wants to go.
18:39George?
18:41Yeah, we've been planning a honeymoon for years, a second honeymoon.
18:44So we might as well kill two birds with one stone.
18:47Yeah.
18:49I wonder what there is about Sylvia Nelson that attracts men.
18:54Well, I've got to go get the rest of my clothes, Gracie.
18:57All right.
19:00Say, you know something, honey?
19:02I'll bet we're too old-fashioned.
19:04I'll bet she's the type that has a long cigarette holder
19:07and a cocktail glass in her hand.
19:09Men love women like that.
19:11They do?
19:12Oh, sure.
19:14Oh, hello, Gracie. Hello, Blanche.
19:16Well, you look very natural.
19:19Happens to be for the woman I love.
19:21Is she pretty?
19:30Maybe I should have gotten a wristwatch.
19:37Gracie, I can square this whole thing in no time.
19:39No, it's too late.
19:41You've buttered your bread and now sleep in it.
19:44Look, Gracie, it'll only take a few minutes.
19:46What happened?
19:52Hello, dear.
19:55Let's act normal.
19:57Let's be sophisticated.
19:59These things happen every day.
20:01Life must go on.
20:04Cheers.
20:09What was that?
20:11A chaser.
20:17It's water.
20:19Certainly.
20:21I drink about seven or eight chasers
20:23and then I do my drinking.
20:26Oh, this is a new Gracie?
20:28Well, it certainly is.
20:30As Benjamin Franklin said,
20:32you ain't heard nothing yet.
20:37How about another chaser?
20:39Yeah.
20:41Would you like some scotch?
20:43Oh, no thanks.
20:44Sylvia may need scotch with her water,
20:46but I drink mine straight.
20:51I didn't know you drank that much.
20:53There are a lot of things you don't know about me.
20:55It started before I ever met you.
20:57I've been drinking ever since I've been thirsty.
21:01Cheers.
21:05You know, you've just got time for one more.
21:07The faucet's closed at two o'clock.
21:15Cheers.
21:20What was that?
21:22One for the road.
21:27This is murder.
21:31Gracie, I can explain this all.
21:33No, Harry, stop whimpering.
21:35It's too late.
21:37Look, Gracie, I'm desperate.
21:39If you leave me, I'll kill myself.
21:41If you had done nothing wrong,
21:42if you left me, I'll kill myself.
21:44If you had done nice things like that
21:46when we were married, we would have just been...
21:48Yeah, we men are awful.
21:50I'll drink to that.
21:52Yeah, let me help you.
21:54Cheers.
21:56Cheers.
21:58George, let me know when I've had enough.
22:00How can I tell?
22:02When you begin to see me, double stop me.
22:04What's she drinking?
22:06Chasers.
22:08Not chasers.
22:10I'm drinking them straight.
22:12We're leaving first thing in the morning.
22:14Good.
22:16Well, the Nelsons.
22:18Mr. and Mrs. Nelson, Mr. and Mrs. Morton,
22:20this is my wife.
22:22Now, if you'll all relax,
22:24Mrs. Nelson has something to say.
22:26Go ahead, Sylvia, say it.
22:28Well, this whole thing is a big mistake.
22:31I went out with another man
22:33to try to make my husband jealous.
22:35I've never met Mr. Morton before in my life.
22:38And Mr. Burns came to our apartment
22:40to straighten this out.
22:43Blanche,
22:45shall we go home
22:47and start fixing the stuffed veal?
22:53If you ever accuse me of anything again,
22:55you will never hear the end of it.
22:57And Sylvia,
22:59that goes for you, too.
23:01If you ever try making me jealous again,
23:03you will regret it for the rest of your life.
23:05And sister, I'm not just kidding.
23:07George.
23:09Yeah?
23:10I'm sorry.
23:12Skip it. Skip it.
23:14George.
23:16What?
23:18Sylvia's prettier than I am, isn't she?
23:20Huh?
23:22No, she's not, no.
23:24She is, too.
23:26Huh?
23:28No, she's not.
23:30Oh, you don't have to be afraid.
23:32You're not going to hurt my feelings.
23:34She is prettier than I am.
23:36Huh?
23:38Okay, she's prettier than you are.
23:40Yes, she is.
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