Not Rated | 30min | Comedy | Episode aired 25 October 1953
Police Lt. Jack Benny questions notorious killer "Babyface" Bogart (guest star Humphrey Bogart).
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Hugh Wedlock Jr., Howard Snyder
Stars: Jack Benny, Humphrey Bogart, Bob Crosby
Police Lt. Jack Benny questions notorious killer "Babyface" Bogart (guest star Humphrey Bogart).
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Hugh Wedlock Jr., Howard Snyder
Stars: Jack Benny, Humphrey Bogart, Bob Crosby
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00From Television City in Hollywood, we bring you The Jack Benny Show with his special guest
00:08Humphrey Bogart, presented by Lucky Strike.
00:31Thank you, thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Lucky Strike
00:35program.
00:36You know, I, uh, really, you laugh, you laugh, excuse me for laughing, but I just spent the
00:46most wonderful half hour I've ever spent in my life.
00:49I was listening to my own radio show, and I don't know, I, I don't know, I was so comical,
00:58you know, I said so many funny things.
01:03Oh, I know what you're thinking, you know, but I believe, I really believe that a man
01:08should be honest with himself.
01:11If there's anything I hate is when a comedian is great and won't admit it.
01:20I've never met one like that, but I did.
01:25And one thing about me, ladies, I'm honest, I really am, you know, if any other comedian,
01:32if any other comedian has a bad show, I'm the first one to admit it.
01:38I talk about it all the time.
01:42But I, oh, I have my faults, you know, I'm not perfect or anything, I, you know, I'm
01:49too easy going and I'm not overly ambitious, but then after all, I, I don't want to be
01:54the, you know, the richest man in the world, you know.
01:59America's big enough for me.
02:06But you know, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, you know, I announced three weeks ago that
02:11tonight Mary Livingston was going to be on my show, you see, but unfortunately we had
02:16a postponement because there was a big mix-up and everything, you see, when the producer
02:21asked Mary to be on my show, I told Mary to ask for a lot of money, you see.
02:28You know, I forgot that I was paying for it.
02:33So instead of Mary, tonight we have Humphrey Bogart as our guest star and really, I'm getting
02:44him fairly reasonably, you know how tough he is on the screen, you know what a tough
02:50guy, knows nothing about business, nothing at all.
03:00Well anyway, this show that I'm going to do...
03:03Jack!
03:04Jack!
03:05Jack!
03:06Jack!
03:07Jack!
03:08Jack!
03:09Jack!
03:10Jack!
03:11Jack!
03:12Jack!
03:13Jack!
03:14Jack!
03:15Jack!
03:16Jack!
03:17Jack!
03:18Jack!
03:19Jack!
03:20Jack!
03:21Jack!
03:22Jack!
03:23Jack!
03:24Jack!
03:25Jack!
03:26Jack!
03:27Jack!
03:28Jack!
03:29Jack!
03:30Jack!
03:31Jack!
03:32Jack!
03:33Jack!
03:34Jack!
03:35Jack!
03:36Jack!
03:37Jack!
03:38Jack!
03:39Jack!
03:40Jack!
03:41Jack!
03:42Jack!
03:43Jack!
03:44Jack!
03:45Jack!
03:46Jack!
03:47Jack!
03:48Jack!
03:49Jack!
03:50Jack!
03:51Jack!
03:52Jack!
03:53Jack!
03:54Jack!
03:55Jack!
03:56Jack!
03:57Jack!
03:58Jack!
03:59Jack!
04:00Jack!
04:01Jack!
04:02Jack!
04:03Jack!
04:04Jack!
04:05Jack!
04:06Jack!
04:07Jack!
04:08Jack!
04:09Jack!
04:10Jack!
04:11Jack!
04:12Jack!
04:13Jack!
04:14Jack!
04:15Jack!
04:16Jack!
04:17Jack!
04:18Now, look at Bob.
04:19Your song is out and that settles it.
04:21You see, I'm running this show.
04:23I'm the boss.
04:24It's my show and I'm running it.
04:25Whether it's good, bad, or indifferent.
04:27Well, that's what the critics said about your last show.
04:29What?
04:30Said Bob was good, Jack was bad, and the audience was indifferent.
04:35Look, Bob, go and get ready for the play, will you?
04:37All right.
04:40You know, I can't understand.
04:42He's the toughest guy to get along with.
04:44You know, he's only been with me a short time, you know.
04:46And the only reason I hired him at all
04:50was because I wanted him, you know,
04:52I wanted him to introduce me to his brother, Bing.
04:57Then I found out he didn't even know him.
05:04Well, anyway, as I say, the reason,
05:07the reason that I've got Humphrey Bogart on this show,
05:09I want to tell you about the play that I'm going to do with Humphrey Bogart,
05:11is because my sponsor called me
05:14yesterday, I believe it was,
05:16and my sponsor, he's an awfully nice fellow,
05:18and my sponsor told me that he had a feeling,
05:21you know, he likes my shows,
05:22he likes my TV shows very, very much,
05:24but he had a feeling that I wasn't doing
05:27the integrated commercials.
05:29He said I wasn't making the middle commercials
05:32in the show important enough.
05:34You know, and after all,
05:36you know, my sponsor's paying the bills and everything
05:39and he has the privilege of making suggestions, you see.
05:43Of course, I don't have to take the suggestions.
05:47I have the privilege of quitting.
05:53But I don't want to abuse the privilege,
05:56so tonight,
05:58tonight on this show,
06:00in case you notice that we stress the commercial.
06:03You know I'm doing it.
06:04I'm doing it because...
06:06I'm doing it because...
06:14Jack, what's this I hear about you
06:16writing me out of the commercial on this show?
06:19Well, Don, Don, look it.
06:21Wait, am I going to have trouble with you too?
06:23You very well may.
06:27Oh, I very well may.
06:28Well, Don, the reason you're not doing the commercial, see,
06:30is because I have another very important way of doing it.
06:34Now, just a minute, Jack.
06:36What's more important about the commercial than the way I do it?
06:39Look, Don, you don't fit into it this week.
06:42I mean, I mean, hurting the script
06:44for the sake of your commercial
06:46is like,
06:47is like,
06:51is like keeping the smog
06:53and throwing away Los Angeles.
06:58It's you.
07:00Now, ladies...
07:01Jack, look,
07:02I don't know what my doing this commercial means to me.
07:04Now, after all, I'm not a funny man.
07:06I don't tell jokes.
07:07I'm not an actor.
07:08I don't sing songs.
07:09I don't lead a band.
07:11What are you paying me for?
07:20Don, you're hanging yourself.
07:24We'll talk about it later, huh?
07:26Oh, darn it!
07:32Oh, dear.
07:36The fella been with me 20 years.
07:38I can't understand why I have so much trouble
07:40with everybody in my cast.
07:42But everybody.
07:43Always complaining.
07:44Always unhappy.
07:46I don't know.
07:47Maybe if I gave them more money,
07:49they'd...
07:50Nah.
07:52I'd rather they should be unhappy than me.
07:57But anyway,
07:58well, we've got to get on now with the show.
08:00Ladies and gentlemen,
08:01now tonight,
08:02we're going to offer a real,
08:04real dramatic play
08:06called Baby Face.
08:08Starring Humphrey Bogart.
08:10On with the show.
08:20This is the 24th Precinct Police Station,
08:23situated in the heart of New York's
08:25theatrical district.
08:27This is the Detective Squad Room.
08:29Here, crime,
08:30with its quick, easy promise,
08:32is shorn of its flimsy veneer
08:34and revealed in its sordid,
08:35squalid reality.
08:37To this room
08:38come people from all walks of life.
08:40The flotsam and the jetsam.
08:42The hoy and also the polloy.
08:46The man you see at the typewriter,
08:48Detective Sergeant Crosby.
08:50The man looking through the file,
08:52standing behind Crosby to his right,
08:54which would be to your left
08:56on the screen,
08:57or,
08:58or to your right,
09:00and,
09:01his left,
09:02or,
09:03well anyway,
09:04he's Detective Wilson.
09:06And he's to everybody's right and left.
09:08You can't miss him.
09:12The men who just came in
09:14are Detective O'Brien
09:15and a suspect he has just arrested.
09:19Well, where'd you pick this one up, O'Brien?
09:21I picked him up in an alley nearby.
09:27You know what I've done?
09:29I thought I was trying to start a fire
09:31in a warehouse.
09:33He may be that firebug
09:35we've been looking for.
09:36Take him up and let the captain
09:37have a look at him.
09:38God, get in there.
09:39Come on, get in there.
09:42O'Brien was an honest cop.
09:44We could tell that
09:45from the clothes he wore.
09:50Incidentally,
09:51my name is Lieutenant Crosby.
09:53I'm a detective.
09:55Incidentally,
09:56my name is Lieutenant Benny.
09:58I should be arriving
09:59at the office any minute.
10:01Oh, here I come now.
10:06I took off my hat and coat.
10:11I hung them up on the hall tree.
10:17It was Wilson and Crosby.
10:23I had heard a funny story
10:24last night and I
10:25passed it on to the boys.
10:35Although I was a tough boss
10:36and a stickler for work,
10:38I had a lot of charm
10:39and the boys loved me.
10:45I didn't see that.
10:46I didn't see that.
10:59Hello?
11:02Precinct 24.
11:03Yeah.
11:04Detective Benny speaking.
11:07Just a minute.
11:09385 Madison Avenue, eh?
11:12Window pried open?
11:14Uh-huh.
11:15No fingerprints.
11:17Must be the cat burglar,
11:18all right.
11:20We'll get him.
11:22Oh, the cat burglar again, eh?
11:24Yeah.
11:26It's the 15th cat
11:27he stole this week.
11:30It's terrible.
11:32My cat's afraid
11:33to go out at night.
11:36I don't blame him.
11:39Hey, Lieutenant.
11:40Here's Officer Sweeney's report.
11:42You know, he went over
11:43to Brooklyn to pick up
11:44that strip teaser.
11:45The strip teaser?
11:46That was four days ago.
11:47Yeah, I know,
11:48but Sweeney wants to make sure
11:49she's guilty
11:50before he brings her in.
11:54I tried to arrest her myself,
11:55but I couldn't get anything on her.
12:02Better fix up these files.
12:04Well.
12:06Slim finger Sarah.
12:10I caught her over at the auditor.
12:11She was lifting
12:12the nickels out of the slots.
12:14She does again, eh?
12:16You can go, Burke.
12:17I'll take care of her.
12:19Take your filthy hands off me.
12:22Come on.
12:23I said take your filthy hands off me.
12:26I said take your filthy hands off me.
12:29I said take your filthy hands off me.
12:31I said take your filthy hands off me.
12:34All right, all right.
12:35Don't holler.
12:36This ain't the first time
12:37you've been pinched.
12:38You're telling me
12:39I'm black and blue all over.
12:44Hey, Lieutenant.
12:45Wasn't she in here
12:46about a month ago?
12:47Yeah, she's the slickest
12:48pickpocket in the country.
12:50Operates all over town.
12:52Last time I arrested her
12:53was at the zoo.
12:55The zoo?
12:56Yeah.
12:57She picked a baby kangaroo
12:58out of its mother's pouch.
13:01What made you do
13:02a silly thing like that?
13:03To me, a pocket is a pocket.
13:08Now make it easy on yourself
13:09and sign that confession.
13:10Maybe I'll give you a break.
13:12Oh, no you don't.
13:14I ain't signing nothing
13:15until I talk to my lawyer.
13:17And besides, I'm entitled
13:18to make one phone call.
13:20These crooks know
13:21their rights, all right.
13:23Go ahead.
13:31Hello, Shirley.
13:33And this is Sarah.
13:35Yeah.
13:36And say, Shirley,
13:37will you do me a favor?
13:38Yeah, run across
13:39to my apartment, will you?
13:41The mat, uh,
13:42the key is under the mat.
13:45And Shirley,
13:46there's a pot roast
13:47down the stove in the kitchen.
13:49That's right.
13:51Just lower the gas
13:52under it, huh?
13:54Yeah, very low.
13:55I won't be home
13:56for 90 days.
13:57Very low.
13:58I won't be home
13:59for 90 days.
14:06Why didn't you
14:07call your lawyer?
14:08You know, my pot roast.
14:10All right, sit down.
14:11I'll take care of you later.
14:18Though you may forget me
14:22You're still on my mind
14:25Look over your shoulder
14:28I'm walking behind
14:32My song, they cut out.
14:33Maybe I'll forget
14:36What I thought I knew
14:39But I shall wish again
14:43I was
14:47I was typing out a report
14:48on Slimfinger Sarah
14:49when the door opened.
14:51And there were
14:52Detective Simmons and Ross.
14:55They had brought in
14:56a vicious gunman.
14:57A killer named
14:58Babyface Bogart.
15:13I didn't mind
15:14the applause
15:15he got on his entrance.
15:16But I resented
15:17the fact that
15:18Crosby and Wilson
15:19joined in.
15:23It looked like
15:24this time we had
15:25Bogart dead to rights.
15:27According to
15:28Detective Simmons and Ross
15:29a little crook
15:30named Blinky Mason
15:31had been shot to death.
15:33They picked up Bogart
15:34a few yards from
15:35the scene of the crime
15:36with a smoking .45
15:37in his hand.
15:54Come over here.
15:57Sit down over there.
16:03All right
16:04Babyface.
16:06Start talking.
16:07What do you know
16:08about Blinky Mason?
16:09I tell you
16:10I ain't never heard of
16:11no Blinky Mason.
16:12Who cares
16:13if he was raised
16:14in a tenement
16:15and his mother said
16:16he was a nice little boy.
16:17Or his teacher
16:18a sweet gray haired
16:19old lady
16:20cried when he graduated.
16:22And his brother
16:23owns a
16:24Haberdashery
16:25store in Schenectady.
16:27I don't even know
16:28his girlfriend
16:29a blonde dame
16:30that works in
16:31an aircraft factory.
16:32Or his boyhood
16:33chum that ran away
16:34from home
16:35and went to Australia.
16:36Wait a minute
16:37Babyface.
16:38If you don't know
16:39Blinky Mason
16:40how come you know
16:41so much about him?
16:42I seen it on
16:43This is Your Life.
16:48What?
16:50Gee
16:51gee how I cried
16:52when he brought in
16:53a warden that he
16:54hadn't seen
16:55for twenty years.
16:58A warden?
16:59Yeah
17:00yeah hey
17:01hey you know
17:02they flew that guy
17:03all the way out
17:04from Chainsing
17:05by TWA.
17:06Shut up
17:07Babyface.
17:11You kill Blinky Mason
17:12I'm gonna get
17:13a confession out of you.
17:14And how
17:15you gonna do that?
17:16Beat me?
17:17He very well may.
17:18Yeah.
17:20When Mason
17:21was knocked off
17:22you were standing
17:23there with a gun.
17:25And listen to this.
17:26I'm walking behind you.
17:29Turn that thing off.
17:33Now what did you
17:34do with that gun?
17:35Now wait a minute
17:36before you start
17:37any rough stuff
17:38I'm entitled
17:39to one phone call
17:40ain't I?
17:41Well yes.
17:42Okay
17:43give me a dime
17:44and I'll run down
17:45to the drug store.
17:46Oh no you don't.
17:47Oh no you don't.
17:50You'll make that
17:51phone call right here
17:52where I can keep
17:53my eye on you.
17:54Yeah and save a dime.
17:55Yeah.
18:06Hello Shirley?
18:08Shirley!
18:09Yeah well listen
18:10listen honey
18:11this is Babyface.
18:13Yeah well I
18:14I won't be home
18:15until a little later.
18:16Oh that's too bad.
18:18Now what were we
18:19going to have
18:20for dinner honey?
18:21Pot roast!
18:23I could have
18:24told him that.
18:26Like a dirty crook.
18:27Yeah yeah
18:28now listen
18:29listen Shirley
18:30I want you to do
18:31something for me.
18:32You go in the living room
18:33and over by the fireplace
18:34and inside of the fireplace
18:35there's two loose boards.
18:37Now listen
18:38you lift up those boards
18:39and you stick your arm in
18:40and inside
18:41there's a package.
18:43Yeah.
18:44Yeah.
18:45I'm hungry.
18:47Yeah listen
18:48I want it back by Friday.
18:52Why didn't you
18:53call your lawyer?
18:54Because I don't like
18:55the way he does my shirt.
18:57Now look at me.
18:59You killed Blinky Mason
19:00didn't you?
19:02I didn't do it
19:03and I got a witness.
19:05Oh yeah?
19:08Yeah!
19:12I don't want
19:13any of you guys pressing.
19:15Oh.
19:17Time for lunch.
19:18I'll go with you.
19:19Oh no!
19:21You're not gonna
19:22leave me alone
19:23with this guy.
19:25Get over there and sit down.
19:32Alright baby face.
19:35You can start talking now.
19:37I want to hear
19:38about that witness.
19:40What about him?
19:41Well I
19:42I don't know his name
19:43but he was
19:44sitting right alongside
19:45of me at the time
19:46of the murder.
19:47Oh he was eh?
19:48Yeah.
19:49Uh huh.
19:51What was he doing?
19:52Well he was
19:53he was just standing there.
19:54He uh
19:55he had uh
19:56What did he look like?
19:57Well he uh
19:58you know he
19:59he was a curly headed guy
20:00he was about
20:01five foot ten
20:02he had uh
20:03he had a grey suit on
20:04and brown eyes.
20:05Oh yeah?
20:07What color hair?
20:08He was bald.
20:11Wait a minute
20:12you said he was
20:13That's right
20:14no hair
20:15just a curly head.
20:23I ain't buying
20:24that baby face.
20:26Start singing.
20:27I'm walking behind.
20:29Not you.
20:37Let's get back
20:38to that witness again.
20:41What was he doing?
20:42Well he was uh
20:44he was holding
20:45a cigarette in his hand.
20:48Yeah?
20:50What kind of a cigarette?
20:53I said what kind
20:54of a cigarette?
20:56Well he was uh
20:57I
20:58I ain't gonna talk.
21:00I said what kind
21:01of a cigarette?
21:02Alright, alright.
21:04It was a lucky strike.
21:12Now we're
21:13getting somewhere.
21:15A lucky strike eh?
21:17What made you
21:18think it was a lucky strike?
21:20I ain't talking.
21:22What made you
21:23think it was a lucky strike?
21:24Because it was the
21:25round to find
21:26to fully pack
21:27to free and easy
21:28on the draw.
21:34Can you remember
21:35that Wilson?
21:37Are you kidding?
21:38Are you kidding?
21:42One more question
21:43baby face.
21:46What was he doing
21:47with that cigarette?
21:49He was peeling it.
21:54Peeling it eh?
21:56How'd you know it wasn't
21:57a banana?
21:58Because he let me
21:59taste it.
22:01It was a lucky strike
22:02alright because
22:03luckies taste bad.
22:05Working a
22:06precious smolder.
22:08Lucky strike.
22:23Alright.
22:26What else?
22:28Nothing.
22:29What?
22:30Nothing.
22:31What?
22:32Nothing.
22:33No nothing beats
22:34better taste.
22:35I knew we'd
22:36get him to talk.
22:38Lock him up fellas.
22:40Alright.
22:41Alright.
22:42Get him up.
22:43Get over there.
22:44You too.
22:45I swore to
22:46get you Benny.
22:47But why?
22:48Because you've always
22:49you never leave me alone
22:50because you've been
22:51hounding me just
22:52because I pulled
22:53a couple of lousy murders.
22:54Well what are
22:55you going to do?
22:56I'm going to put
22:57a red eye
22:58between them
22:59two blue ones.
23:02Where?
23:03Where'd you get the gun?
23:04You took the gun
23:05when I came in
23:06did you?
23:07No.
23:08No when I put my hand
23:09in your pocket
23:10I found a dollar bill
23:11and I got so excited
23:12I didn't look anymore.
23:15Look at baby face.
23:16Look I'm not
23:17mad at you or anything.
23:18Look I'm
23:19I don't want to die.
23:20Look I'm too young
23:21to die.
23:22Honest I am.
23:23I'm a nice guy
23:24I'll leave you alone.
23:25Everybody loves me.
23:26Everybody.
23:27You love me
23:28don't you fellas?
23:31Alright.
23:32Alright copper
23:33I'm gonna let you have it.
23:35Oh yeah?
23:38I know your type
23:39baby face.
23:41You're all alike.
23:43You're pretty brave
23:44with that gun
23:45in your hand.
23:47Throw that gun away
23:48I'll show you a coward.
23:49Okay.
24:03How about that?
24:04Come on Sarah
24:05let's go get
24:06that pot roast.
24:07Be my guest.
24:08I'm walking
24:09behind you.
24:20Jack will be back
24:21in just a moment
24:22with his special guest
24:23Humphrey Bogart
24:24but first
24:25a word from
24:26Dorothy Collins.
24:27Smoking enjoyment
24:28is all a matter
24:29of taste
24:30and the fact
24:31of the matter
24:32is
24:33Lucky's
24:34taste better
24:35cleaner
24:36fresher
24:37smoother
24:38Lucky's
24:39taste better
24:40cleaner
24:41fresher
24:42smoother
24:43for Lucky's
24:44taste means
24:45fine tobacco
24:46Lucky's
24:47taste better
24:48cleaner
24:49fresher
24:50smoother
24:51Lucky's
24:52taste better
24:53everybody knows
24:54Lucky's
24:55taste means
24:56fine tobacco
24:57fine
24:58light
24:59mild tobacco
25:00that just
25:01is made better
25:02they're round
25:03and firm
25:04and fully packed
25:05to draw freely
25:06and smoke evenly
25:07with fine tobacco
25:08in a better made cigarette
25:09golly
25:10you're just
25:11bound to get
25:12better taste
25:13smoking enjoyment
25:14is all a matter
25:15of taste you know
25:16and the fact
25:17of the matter
25:18is
25:19Lucky's
25:20taste better
25:21cleaner
25:22fresher
25:23smoother
25:24Lucky's
25:25taste better
25:26Lucky's
25:27taste better
25:28Lucky's
25:29taste better
25:30applause
25:31applause
25:32applause
25:33applause
25:34applause
25:35when the sketch
25:36was over I found
25:37that I had enjoyed
25:38it even more
25:39than my radio show
25:41I was laughing
25:42so much I could
25:43hardly thank
25:44Humphrey Bogart
25:45for helping me
25:46give such a great
25:47performance
25:48Bogie told me
25:49that he thought
25:50he had handled
25:51his role extremely well
25:53he believes
25:54in being honest
25:55with himself too
25:56laughter
26:00then he told me
26:01about his new picture
26:02Beat the Devil
26:03with Jennifer Jones
26:05laughter
26:07then I told him
26:08about the last
26:09picture I made
26:11laughter
26:12laughter
26:13laughter
26:14laughter
26:15laughter
26:16laughter
26:17applause
26:18applause
26:19applause
26:20applause
26:21applause
26:22applause
26:23oh I
26:24I almost forgot
26:25to tell the audience
26:26that I'll be doing
26:27my next television show
26:28in three weeks
26:29that's right ladies
26:30and gentlemen
26:31I'll be with you
26:32three weeks
26:33from today
26:34and I believe
26:35I'm pretty sure
26:36my guest star
26:37is going to be
26:38Johnny Ray
26:40you see I feel
26:41that I'm responsible
26:43for Johnny Ray's
26:44success
26:45because when I
26:46offered him a job
26:47a long time ago
26:48he asked me for
26:49an awful lot of money
26:50and I cried
26:51and then he stole
26:52that from me
26:53laughter
26:56so he's going to be
26:57my guest
26:58thank you very much
26:59applause
27:02applause
27:04music
27:08applause
27:11music
27:22preparing on
27:23tonight's program
27:24were Sarah Berner
27:25and Benny Rubin
27:26Remember, one week from tonight on this same station, Ann Southern returns in Private Secretary.
27:33The Jack Benny Program has been brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company,
27:41America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes.
27:45This is Don Wilson saying, be happy, go lucky!