Not Rated | 30min | Comedy | Episode aired 13 September 1953
Jack and Rochester are returning from a vacation in Hawaii. While sitting on the deck and reading, Jack encounters a large woman. He falls a sleep and dreams that the woman has turned into Marilyn Monroe.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Sam Perrin, George Balzer, Milt Josefsberg, John Tackaberry
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
Jack and Rochester are returning from a vacation in Hawaii. While sitting on the deck and reading, Jack encounters a large woman. He falls a sleep and dreams that the woman has turned into Marilyn Monroe.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: Sam Perrin, George Balzer, Milt Josefsberg, John Tackaberry
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00From television city in Hollywood, we bring you the Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky
00:11Strike.
00:12Hello, I'm Ed Ferguson, and I have some mighty interesting facts here about college smokers.
00:21Last year a survey was made in leading colleges throughout the country, which showed that
00:26smokers in those colleges preferred Lucky's to any other cigarette.
00:30Well, sir, this year another nationwide survey was made, a representative survey of all students
00:36in regular colleges from coast to coast, based on thousands of actual student interviews.
00:42This survey shows that as last year, Lucky's lead again, lead over all other brands, regular
00:48or king size, and by a wide margin.
00:52If there were one reason for smoking Lucky's, just like last year, Lucky's better taste.
00:58Yes, Lucky's do taste better.
01:00First of all, they're made of fine tobacco, naturally mild, good tasting tobacco.
01:06Practically everyone in America knows LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
01:14And more and more people are finding out that Lucky's are made better too, made round and
01:19firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly, made to taste better.
01:25After all, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste, and the fact of the matter is Lucky's
01:30taste better, cleaner, fresher, smoother.
01:34Find out for yourself.
01:35Be happy.
01:36Go Lucky.
01:37Thank you, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Lucky Strike
01:57program.
01:58As you probably know, this is my first television show of the season, and I'm quite excited
02:04about it because last year, I only did 10 shows.
02:09The whole year, and this year, I'm going to do 13, 13 shows.
02:13That's three more than I did last year, or 486 less than Arthur Godfrey.
02:26But this season, I promise you I'm going to bring some of the most important guest stars
02:30that you've ever seen on my television shows.
02:33As a matter of fact, I've already made arrangements to import some of these celebrities over from
02:40Europe, from Italy.
02:42I'm bringing a lot of these celebrities.
02:43I'm bringing over Gene Kelly, Gregory Peck, Robert Taylor, Claudette Colbert, Anna Marie
02:55Albregetti.
02:56Oh, no, no, that one I got here in Hollywood.
03:01The others I'm bringing over, you know.
03:03And I'm also going to have this year a very, very important Broadway celebrity, Mr. Wayne
03:11Saunders.
03:12Now, I know that his, I know that his name at the moment is not, you're not familiar
03:22with his name, but that as soon as you see him, you'll recognize him.
03:26Because for four consecutive weeks, he sat in the audience next to the celebrity who
03:32was introduced by Ed Sullivan.
03:40His agent is an usher.
03:44Well, anyway, here I am for the first show and I'm, one of the reasons I'm so happy is
03:52because I had for the first time a wonderful vacation.
03:55The most wonderful, I went to Honolulu, you know, for three weeks.
03:58And ladies and gentlemen, if you've never been to Hawaii, you must go.
04:03You know, I always thought that those narrators, you know, that narrate the travelogues, I
04:08always thought that they exaggerate, but really they don't.
04:11It's such a beautiful place.
04:12As a matter of fact, the Hawaiian Islands are really the tropical islands of enchantment.
04:23Yes, the tropical islands of enchantment, the paradise of the Pacific, Hawaii, the city
04:30of Honolulu rising among regal palms on the curve of Waikiki Beach, the splendor of the
04:35Royal Hawaiian Hotel, and in the background, Diamond Head, wearing a majestic crown of
04:40fleecy clouds held in place by the gentle pressure of the trade winds.
04:45But out of this dream, our visitors are abruptly brought back to reality by the realization
04:50that their vacation has come to an end.
04:53But even the farewell is something to remember, Hawaii's heartwarming aloha.
04:59As the luxurious queen of the Pacific, the Lurleen, prepares to sail, there is music,
05:04flowers, and tumultuous gaiety.
05:07And here on the dock is where one of the most colorful ceremonies of the island takes place,
05:13the presentation of the legs.
05:15This is an old custom by which the natives express their feelings toward the departing
05:19visitors.
05:20First is the orchid leg, presented to those who have made friends while on the island.
05:27Next comes the plumeria blossom.
05:32This token, when presented to a traveler, expresses the sincere wish that soon he will
05:38return again.
05:40Yes, nobody leaves the island without the adornment of at least one flowery memento,
05:48or even the lei made of the common, ordinary ginger blossom is presented by the native
05:54shopkeepers to all those who have come into their stores and spent a little money.
06:00Uh-oh, is one of our departing visitors being neglected?
06:11Can it be possible that of all those people with whom he frolicked away those carefree
06:16hours at Waikiki, not one of them remembered to present him with the island's most treasured
06:22... Ah, here comes someone to correct this oversight.
06:27There's a whistle, and Rochester isn't here yet.
06:38I wonder what's keeping him.
06:39There he is.
06:40Rochester!
06:41It's about time you got here.
06:52Come on, we gotta get going.
06:53Look, look, boss, do we have to leave now?
06:55Of course we have to leave now.
06:57Why are you dressed like that?
06:58I didn't have time to change.
06:59I was a special guest at a luau.
07:00A luau?
07:01That's a Hawaiian smorgasbord.
07:02I know what it is.
07:03And anyway, why were you a special guest?
07:10Well, this luau was given by the Polynesian chapter of the Central Avenue Social and Ukulele
07:16Club.
07:17I know, but you still could have left early enough to bring your own luggage.
07:21I couldn't help it.
07:22They wouldn't let me leave until we drank a toast to King Kamehameha I.
07:26King Kamehameha I.
07:27Then we drank a toast to King Kamehameha II.
07:31And I proposed a toast to King Kamehameha III.
07:34The third, huh?
07:35Which led to a toast to King Kamehameha IV.
07:37Look, Rochester.
07:38Then they insisted that I drink a toast to King Kamehameha V.
07:42Well, you were certainly popular.
07:44Popular?
07:45Boss, shake hands with King Kamehameha VI.
07:47Oh, for heaven's sakes.
07:51Look, Rochester.
07:53Oh, there we are.
07:54Come on, let's get the baggage and we'll go.
07:56Is this the baby?
07:58Is this the baby?
07:59Yeah.
08:01I'm the manager of the Haleakala Delicatessen in Honolulu.
08:04And in honor of you having taken all your meals with us during your stay here in the
08:09islands, we'd like to present you with this.
08:12Oh, well, that's...
08:13Of course, I noticed that the other passengers received lathes of ginger and orchids.
08:19What is this one made of?
08:20Chicken livers.
08:25Chicken livers?
08:26You better not wear it on board, boss.
08:29Drive us crazy!
08:31Never mind.
08:33Thank you very, very much.
08:43What a show-off.
08:59What a show-off.
09:00What a show-off.
09:01What a show-off.
09:02What a show-off.
09:03What a show-off.
09:04What a show-off.
09:05What a show-off.
09:06What a show-off.
09:07What a show-off.
09:08What a show-off.
09:09What a show-off.
09:10What a show-off.
09:11What a show-off.
09:12What a show-off.
09:13What a show-off.
09:14What a show-off.
09:15What a show-off.
09:16What a show-off.
09:17What a show-off.
09:18What a show-off.
09:19What a show-off.
09:20What a show-off.
09:21What a show-off.
09:22What a show-off.
09:23What a show-off.
09:24What a show-off.
09:25What a show-off.
09:26What a show-off.
09:27What a show-off.
09:28What a show-off.
09:29What a show-off.
09:30What a show-off.
09:31What a show-off.
09:32What a show-off.
09:33What a show-off.
09:34What a show-off.
09:35What a show-off.
09:36What a show-off.
09:37What a show-off.
09:38What a show-off.
09:39What a show-off.
09:40What a show-off.
09:41What a show-off.
09:42What a show-off.
09:43What a show-off.
09:44What a show-off.
09:45What a show-off.
09:46What a show-off.
09:47What a show-off.
09:48What a show-off.
09:49What a show-off.
09:50What a show-off.
09:51What a show-off.
09:52What a show-off.
09:53Take a bump and say aloha.
09:57Ooh.
09:59Till we meet again.
10:01Keep luckies in your hula hands.
10:05To-dee-ba-da-dee.
10:08Ooh.
10:10And so with her bow majestically pointing into the trade winds, the luxurious queen
10:24of the Pacific, the Laureline, reluctantly sails from Honolulu Harbor.
10:29And as the Aloha Tower sinks behind the horizon, we bid fond farewell to Hawaii.
10:36However, our vacation has not come to an end, for we still have the luxurious voyage
10:42homeward.
11:13Uh, nice, uh, nice voyage, isn't it?
11:40Huh?
11:41I said, it's a nice voyage.
11:43Oh, yes, yes, it certainly is.
11:54Our, uh, our position is latitude 145, longitude 21.
12:00Well, that's nice.
12:09The wind, you know, the wind is coming from the south, southeast at eight knots an hour,
12:14you know.
12:16Are you the navigator?
12:19No, no, but I have a Commander Corey space patrol compass.
12:26I ate cereal that came out of my ears.
12:29That's how you get one of those compasses.
12:32And, uh, how long did you live in Kansas City?
12:36Oh, about 16 years.
12:3816 years, hmm.
12:40And, uh, you graduated from high school?
12:43In 1936.
12:451936.
12:47There's, uh, someone being interviewed there must be a celebrity of some kind.
12:52Oh, yes, yes, yes.
12:59You know, uh, I'm, uh, I'm a celebrity too.
13:03Well, I guess I'll go to my stateroom.
13:15Thank heaven, now I can read.
13:30Why doesn't he take those things off?
13:33Cable grant with King Kamehameha VI.
13:37Cable grant with King Kamehameha VI.
13:39Oh, here, boy, here.
13:40Are you?
13:41No, but I know his majesty personally.
13:48Yes, there's nothing like a trip on an ocean liner,
13:52for a voyage at sea is synonymous with romance.
13:56On shipboard, many a casual acquaintance has blossomed into true love.
14:11Hello.
14:17Hello.
14:22Would you like to play some shuffleboard?
14:24No, no, thank you.
14:28Deck tennis?
14:29No, no, thanks, I'm reading now.
14:32Okay.
14:35There's a celebrity being interviewed over there.
14:37I just want to go over and see who it is, you know,
14:39because, you know, after all, I'm a, I'm part of a celebrity too.
14:43Oh, I beg your pardon.
14:46That's quite all right.
14:49Mr. Benson.
14:54Mr. Kentsa.
14:58Oh, for heaven's sakes, Mr. Kentsa, well, this is,
15:01what are you doing on this ship?
15:03I just had a wonderful vacation in Hawaii.
15:06No, did you visit all the islands?
15:08I went from Maui to Kauai, from Hilo to Hattie.
15:13To Hattie?
15:14From to Hattie to Tahiti.
15:16No.
15:17Well, you must have seen all those hula dancers then with the grass skirts.
15:20Yes, I did.
15:21And, you know, the most beautiful girls I ever saw
15:25was on the island of Oahu.
15:30I know, I know what you mean.
15:32Well, let me, is this your first trip to the islands?
15:35Oh, goodness, no.
15:37Every year this time I'm spending two glorious weeks
15:40on the tropical islands of enchantment.
15:43No.
15:44Well, how can you afford it?
15:47I've got a nephew who's a master of ceremonies on a quiz program.
15:56And you always win?
15:57This year I went direct to Hawaii and he tabled me the questions.
16:06No.
16:07Well, that's wonderful seeing you.
16:09Is your wife with you?
16:10Who do you think I'm hiding from?
16:12Follow me, Mr. Benny.
16:13Hello.
16:22After 1944, would I be so...
16:25Ahem, ahem.
16:26How do you do?
16:27Oh.
16:28How do you do?
16:29Hello.
16:30Certainly is a nice trip, isn't it?
16:31Yes, it's lovely.
16:32Beautiful.
16:33Weather and everything has been so nice.
16:35Yep.
16:37I'd like to introduce myself.
16:38I'm Jack Benny.
16:40I'm Mrs. Michelson.
16:41Oh.
16:42I'm Dr. Kinsey.
17:11Yes, a voyage at sea is an event that will always be remembered because there are so many
17:22things to enjoy.
17:24Dancing in the salon, sunbathing on the top deck, swimming in the ship's pool, and in
17:29the evening there is always a movie in the ship's lounge.
17:35Oh.
17:38Gosh, that was a great picture they showed last night.
17:42Gentlemen prefer blondes.
17:46Boy, they sure had two beautiful girls in that movie.
17:51Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe.
17:57I know them both so well.
18:01Why couldn't one of them been on this trip?
18:04Here I am alone in a romantic mood.
18:09Gee, Marilyn Monroe.
18:14Marilyn Monroe.
18:18Don't leave, Marilyn.
18:19What?
18:21Marilyn, don't go.
18:23Marilyn.
18:26Marilyn, please don't go.
18:29Marilyn, wait.
18:35Marilyn.
18:45Marilyn, why did you walk away from me?
18:49Why did you want to leave me?
18:52Because I can't trust myself with you.
18:58Why?
19:00You're so strong and I'm so weak.
19:03And when you look at me with those big blue eyes, I just, I just...
19:11I understand.
19:16In the picture, all I wanted was money and diamonds.
19:19But now for the first time, I realize that all I really want is you.
19:27Marilyn.
19:30Dream on, Mr. Benny, dream on.
19:34Marilyn.
19:36Marilyn, I'm mad about you.
19:38I'm mad about you too, Jack.
19:41Jack.
19:43Yeah?
19:44Jack, will you do something wonderful for me?
19:48It would make me very happy.
19:50Well, of course, Marilyn.
19:52I'd do anything, anything for you.
19:55What is it?
19:56Well, in my next picture, there's going to be so many love scenes.
20:00I want you for my leading man.
20:03Oh, Marilyn, I'd, I'd love to be your leading man.
20:07Good.
20:08Now, if we can only get permission from Daryl Zanuck.
20:11Why?
20:12Who did Mr. Zanuck have in mind?
20:14Himself.
20:22See, Marilyn.
20:24I, I just can't get over just the both of us here all alone.
20:31I'm a little early.
20:33Yes, Jack.
20:34I never dreamed it could happen to I.
20:37Neither did me.
20:45Marilyn.
20:47Why, why are you sighing?
20:50I was just thinking, Jack, how generous you are.
20:54Just so we could be alone on this trip,
20:56you chartered the Laureline for $600,000.
21:00I did?
21:03If that doesn't wake him up, nothing will.
21:08Marilyn.
21:10Marilyn, I know this is sudden.
21:12But will you, will you marry me?
21:17Marry?
21:19But look at the difference, difference in our ages.
21:22Well, there isn't much difference, Marilyn.
21:24You're 25 and I'm 39.
21:29Yes, but what about 25 years from now?
21:32I'm 50 and you're 39.
21:38I never thought of that.
21:40I did.
21:41You shut up!
21:46Marilyn.
21:49Marilyn, will you, will you have dinner with me tonight?
21:53I'd love to, Jack.
21:55Thanks ever so.
21:57At 8 o'clock?
21:58All right, but I'd better be going now.
22:03Bye, bye, baby.
22:10Remember, you're my baby.
22:19They give you the eye.
22:28Though I'll be gone for a while,
22:36I know that I'll be smiling
22:44with my baby.
22:46Bye, bye, and bye with my baby.
22:54Bye.
22:57Bye.
23:06My, that's strange.
23:08What's strange?
23:09I'm so crazy about you, but that kiss didn't affect me at all.
23:13That's funny.
23:15I'm a wreck.
23:19See you later, Jack.
23:20Don't forget.
23:22Marilyn, don't forget dinner tonight.
23:25I won't.
23:27At 8 o'clock.
23:28I'll remember.
23:31Marilyn, come back here a minute.
23:33Please come back.
23:35Marilyn, give me one more kiss before you go.
23:49Hey, wait a minute.
23:50You're not Marilyn Monroe.
23:52Well, you ain't no Weryl Flynn.
23:58Gee.
24:00And I was so sure I was talking to Marilyn Monroe.
24:05Ah, yes, the sea plays many mental tricks
24:09as you're gently lulled in the cradle of tranquility.
24:13But there's nothing as soothing and restful
24:16as a Pacific cruise back
24:18from the tropical islands of enchantment.
24:36Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen.
24:39And I do want to thank 20th Century Fox
24:43for allowing me to dream about Marilyn Monroe.
24:47Incidentally, 20th Century Fox is a studio
24:50that has just produced this wonderful,
24:53this great picture, The Row,
24:55which will soon be presented here
24:57and through this new process called CinemaScope.
25:02This is really a great, great event
25:05in the history of motion pictures.
25:07Now, I know you'd like to see Marilyn Monroe again,
25:10so I'll bring her out very, very soon.
25:12But first, a word from Dorothy Collins.
25:17Friends, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste.
25:20And the fact of the matter is...
25:23Lucky's tastes better.
25:25Cleaner, fresher, smoother.
25:27Lucky's tastes better.
25:29Cleaner, fresher, smoother.
25:31For Lucky's Sprite means my tobacco.
25:33Richard's tasting my tobacco.
25:35Lucky's tastes better.
25:37Cleaner, fresher, smoother.
25:39Lucky's Sprite, Lucky's Sprite.
25:41Sure, Lucky's tastes better.
25:43Everybody knows Lucky's Sprite means fine tobacco.
25:46Fine, light, mild tobacco
25:48that just naturally tastes better.
25:50And Lucky's are made better.
25:52They're round and firm and fully packed
25:54to draw freely and smoke evenly.
25:56With fine tobacco in a better made cigarette,
25:59golly, you're just bound to get better taste.
26:02Smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste, you know.
26:05And the fact of the matter is...
26:08Lucky's tastes better.
26:10Cleaner, fresher, smoother.
26:12Lucky's Sprite, Lucky's Sprite.
26:26Marilyn, this is your first appearance in television, isn't it?
26:32Yes, it is, Jack.
26:33Well, I'm quite flattered that you made your first appearance on my show.
26:37I really am.
26:38Just wonderful to have you.
26:40Have you a picture that's coming out pretty soon?
26:42A new picture?
26:43I mean, we've seen Gentleman Prefer Blondes.
26:45Another one? New one?
26:46Yes, it's called How to Marry a Millionaire.
26:48It's also in Cinemascope.
26:49Oh, it is? In Cinemascope, too?
26:51Yes.
26:52You know, I made a picture once.
26:58The horn blows at midnight.
27:01And I believe if that had been made in Cinemascope,
27:03it would have been a huge success.
27:06Well, you know, Cinemascope is very complicated.
27:08In order to put the big screen in all the theaters,
27:10they have to take out a lot of seats.
27:13Well, in my picture, they could have taken out all of the seats.
27:19Jack, I don't know why you're always panning The Horn Blows at Midnight.
27:22I saw it.
27:23You did?
27:24Yes.
27:25And you don't know why I'm panning it?
27:26Did you like it?
27:27No.
27:31Well, thanks ever so.
27:34So long. Goodbye, Marilyn.
27:45You know, ladies and gentlemen, I'm really quite, quite flattered.
27:48I feel highly honored that I was able to have Miss Monroe for my first show.
27:52And I do want to thank 20th Century Fox so much.
27:55Of course, another thing that thrilled me today
27:57is because I also opened my radio series today.
28:01You know, I did my first radio show,
28:03and I had my same cast with me.
28:06There's Dennis and Mary and Don Wilson and Rochester.
28:10Everybody but Phil Harris.
28:12Funny thing, Phil Harris hasn't been with me for two years.
28:15And I still don't dare light a match in the studio.
28:23But I love radio.
28:25And am I through?
28:28Is that all I get?
28:29Oh, well, thank you very, very much.
28:56Miss Monroe's gown was designed by Travilla.
28:58Appearing on tonight's program are Artie Auerbach,
29:01Joe Kearns, Maxine Cates, Frank Nelson,
29:03Kay Stewart, Tyler McVeigh, Ralph Brees,
29:05and Manny Kiwane and his Islanders with Connie Mark.
29:08Remember, one week from tonight, that's September 20th,
29:11charming, disarming Ann Southern returns in her famous role
29:14as a not-too-private private secretary.
29:17You'll love watching Ann's hilarious adventures and misadventures.
29:22Sunday's Ed Sullivan's Toast of the Town on CBS Television Network.