The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 2 Episode 3
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00:00You're mad I understand don't tell me what I'm gonna do he does have been in a sex trade didn't Miranda know that
00:06I'm just like I won't be working. It's also kind of fucking big head wait Sarah here
00:11Why what the fuck you gonna do you gonna fucking beat me up? Don't tell me John
00:14You're not gonna throw down right now Taylor kind of shot. This is like a marathon
00:20Because I thought you did
00:22I think
00:32Okay, so we go
00:37Yeah, what's up, what's up should deescalate a little bit I'm fine, you know, I agree
00:45This is like this is not this is like awkward. Well, he's lying. Yeah, you're lying
00:51Well, okay, dude, why are you being?
00:55Yeah, why oh and you're my partner no, you've had my back so much so much yeah, you've got my back all the time I
01:03Might be regretting the guest list now
01:04I did not foresee this happening and if I would have known I would have nixed like half these people
01:09Are you happy you're getting your little moment chase so fun. No, this is not fun. This is why you fucking showed up
01:16I would consider my stay here extremely relevant
01:19Where'd he go? She doesn't wanna be fucking around you right now
01:24Where's your day
01:26Really go talk shit on your podcast. Hey, don't make fun of my podcast. It's fucking lame
01:31I honestly cannot stand chase right now
01:34I think that his intentions coming tonight are not pure me and him dated each other for a little over a month and
01:40I definitely see very bad toxic traits and him. He's a clout chaser
01:44I mean it literally matches his name chase the thought chaser. I think it's very fitting for him
01:50It sucks because it's like dude, you're damn right. I want to know what's going on the truth
01:55Yeah, not just from her sighting. I want to know it from you like I've never gotten
02:03You listen to my conversations
02:08You can talk to everyone
02:11Multiple times you've lied that now I know are the truth
02:14Crazy. Yeah, let's talk about what you've done. What you've done. Oh, you want me to bring you up? You want to bring you up?
02:22She's calling
02:29Why would I leave Jordan invited me
02:37We're not doing this here no, I know get out chase actually I am gonna leave too
02:42I really I didn't really want to come anyway, so
02:47My fucking back you have my back but chase no with anything. Have you had my back?
02:53No, I mean not now. I just did this is fucking stupid. Holy shit Taylor. Yeah, fuck this
02:59Dakota Dakota, you guys need to literally stop talking go make up and let's be good
03:04What do you think I was fucking doing right here with Dakota turning away from the window? Okay, I couldn't help
03:09Oh, well, maybe just look next time crazy. Do you have a child you need to talk to me?
03:13Like yeah, okay Dakota. Fuck you. That's okay. So
03:18I feel like so betrayed
03:19I just expected him to like have my back and I just feel very left alone. My boyfriend just leaves me and
03:28Then chase is over here trying to stay at the party. It's a nightmare
03:40Hey
03:45Your girlfriend just left I don't know if you want to go check on her and make sure she's okay
03:49That's what a man would do. Okay, that's the priority right now
03:52Well, your girlfriend's literally crying and just left so I would take like that's probably
03:58He's upstairs. Don't touch me again. All right, I
04:03Just see red. Oh, no, you did not just condescendingly be like, oh worry about yourself
04:09well, I just watched you neglect your girlfriend and then touch me and
04:16Walk out of here like fuck you so I immediately go running to Brett to tell him what just happened
04:24Don't fuck yourself. All right fun party
04:35Shit like I just woke up a monster
04:40This guy's gonna die tonight chase is going to die on the front lawn
04:45Why is he shirtless?
04:48Yeah
04:49What do you mean?
05:10I got everything
05:16Bring it to knees, baby
05:18You
05:38What do you mean Brett touch my wife what what's happening? Oh, this is crazy. Oh my gosh. Wait, what's happening?
05:45No, she told me that my girlfriend walked out. So I said, where's Brett? Yeah, and I went like this hands on her, dude
05:50Don't like this. Oh god. Oh god. I did see chase past to me and from my perspective
05:58It did look like she just touched her and said hey, where's Brett just like asking I didn't notice anything aggressive
06:06So it was surprising to me that to me got really upset
06:11Are you serious? I'm being dead serious right now. She just told me you put her hand your hands on her
06:15I said, where's Brett to me? What happened?
06:17He literally just walked by me and I was like, you might want to go get your girlfriend and he was like
06:21Where's your husband?
06:23He touched you. Yeah, I he's a psychopath
06:29Yeah, look how psycho he is I
06:32Am happy chase got into it more with other people besides just me
06:37He's proving my point of how psychotic he is and manipulative and he's a gaslighter
06:42Thank you, like they're kind of seeing him for who he is don't touch my fucking wife dude ever
06:48Don't you never touch a woman for any fucking reason dude? No, I walked by said, where's your where's Brett?
06:52I fear for Chase's life in this moment. But in the same breath, I'm like, that's my man. You crossed a major line
06:58Dude, I didn't mean to cause a problem. I thought that was normal. Like hey, where's Brett Taylor?
07:02Oh
07:13Shit here we go. This is gonna be a problem. I
07:17Can see how mad she is. She's in this zone
07:19I want to help because I have a feeling that it could get really ugly if I don't I wasn't trying to disrespect to
07:25Me we'll go apologize to her. I will I will right now. Where is she?
07:29right here to me I
07:31Walked past you said hey, where's Brett?
07:35Take ownership right now
07:38No, take ownership. I didn't mean to disrespect you. I thought
07:41I'm sorry for disrespecting you. Okay, I didn't mean to do that. And I'm sorry fuck out of here. All right
07:46I'm sorry didn't mean to do that
07:48Goodbye. See you Chase
07:50I
07:57Originally invited Chase because I wanted to get to the bottom of Miranda and Taylor and what really happened with the swinging scandal
08:03But we're leaving it on a dot-dot-dot and I really hope we figure out the truth soon
08:08I'm just like where I'm at just because I'm like, I want to have a good
08:21Take them off
08:25What's going on, I mean, are you just like embarrassed so I'm just triggered dude, I know
08:30And then I'm like triggered for you
08:36Like we have a good
08:38Analysis is hard. So there's still one. That's like
08:44I'm sorry. I just know yeah, you've dealt with him for a long time and
08:49You've gotten a taste. So she's so hard cuz I'm just like dude, you have so many good qualities about you
08:55Why do you do this like?
08:59He left
09:02The police are here
09:08I think Jesse's upstairs
09:13See the police are here
09:17I'm gonna cry
09:19We haven't even been here two months. We are new to this neighborhood. It's our first gathering. I am so sorry
09:25Did you guys get a complaint?
09:29Yes
09:30Jordan and I are wanting to die right now and just like hide under a rock because we're definitely getting kicked out of this neighborhood
09:36Yeah, there were a few people here who are arguing they ran out here and it continued out here because I told them to get
09:41Out so we've settled down but not at all
09:44No, it was just a lot of screaming, but we have a lot of people here who like shut it down and then they left
09:49No, you're fine, you're fine
09:51You do anything you're fine. I don't know. I'm sorry. I just got scared. I mean, I did too
09:55I'm afraid I'm like I'm like I'm like in thinking mode. I'm like we heard
09:59Their spouses or partners here still no, they left with them. No, they went alone. It was like X's
10:06It's like a tangled web
10:09Have you watched Secret Life?
10:12Okay
10:15No, these two were the problem and they left so we're good now, okay, thank you guys
10:19I'm so sorry. Thank you. Now. Let's go. Have a good time
10:35I think what Taylor's just about is that he like to come in and like hear him out first tapping her back
10:42I don't think
10:47Okay, what do we do we gotta go because they're pretty so awkward now, okay, then we go down and
10:54Okay, can everyone come to the living room we're just gonna reset the intention of the night
10:59I'm feeling very conflicted about Chippendales at this point because this gonna lighten the mood or is everyone in such a bad mood that
11:06This is just gonna be a total flop
11:07I really hope that Jordan and Brett can pull it together and just really shift the vibe of this party
11:13All right, you guys we have a little surprise for everyone now that the drama is done
11:17We're gonna do a little performance. So everyone get ready
11:24Yes, the boner is Jenny boo
11:32Right here, baby
11:38I trust you. Okay any more time and it's awkward. So we got this
11:47This is a really good moment for Zach to redeem himself bring on the Chippendales dancers, come on Zach don't let me down
12:07Oh
12:29This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen in my entire life, I literally am thinking it's a joke
12:33I'm watching Zach the whole time and he looks pissed off
12:47I don't know whether to have a good time right now because I
12:51know that this is making Zach uncomfortable and
12:55Because of how both the me and Jesse treated my relationship prior to this. It makes me question their intentions
13:04I
13:10Looking at Zach's face and he does not look thrilled at all
13:24Honestly the show must go on
13:34Oh
13:47You guys all were good sports good sports and that was fun
13:53I'm sorry. Oh, I'm fine. It's just that yeah
13:58What triggered that well chase walked in the door
14:04Yeah, why were you mad at him because he was like not having my back
14:11He's believing chase he just wants to feel validated and chase was validating him and then he hopped on the train
14:20At this point Dakota has Chase's back so I don't currently know what's going on with our relationship and where it goes from here
14:26It's really weird to look someone in the eyes and then be able to just like lie
14:34In that situation
14:40But he's also the father my child so sure he should only be that
14:48That was cute I want you guys to do it again round two put on me this time
15:03Oh
15:25You won't go up there
15:27Getting some candy
15:29They're gonna get you they're gonna get you run run run say happy
15:33I have been dealing with so much shit lately
15:35There's a lot of drama going on and mom talk at this moment
15:38So I'm looking forward to meeting up with my sisters for Halloween to just take a break. I think they've done
15:45Okay, haven't you ready don't pick your nose
15:48With
15:53My family it's important every holiday for us to get the kids together so that they can spend time doing fun traditions
16:01perfect
16:03Easy see only took like 30 minutes. My sister's costumes are definitely my favorite part of Halloween this year
16:09Wait turn back
16:12One of them showed up as me and the other showed up as Whitney
16:16She's wearing the classic headband and on the back. She has a sign that says I'm never wrong. Oh my gosh
16:24It was so good
16:27This is where I get all my pettiness from us. Yes. Well for mom
16:34We just did um girls night or like a happy hour at Miranda's house
16:39That she invited everyone to Miranda, yeah, wait, I was not expecting that name
16:44It's not awkward in the same room with her. Well, the only reason I went was to tell her how I felt
16:51But I was a little mean
16:55Think I said a little too much and I felt bad
16:57I just feel like convenient timing everything feels kind of fake to me about it. I
17:02Was edging on the side of anger when I went into the conversation. I think I came off a little too harsh
17:07I just feel like in our house
17:10I feel like we grew up in a lot of anger and so we express our feelings, but it's holding it back
17:14Yeah, it's like holding and holding and holding in until all of a sudden it explodes and you're mad comes out
17:19So yeah, I think that's what's happening right now
17:21But I was just surprised to see Miranda defend Taylor during the Halloween party. Hey, we're not doing this here. No, no get out chase
17:29This wasn't gonna happen here
17:31I think I've just let too many things happen for too many years that I'm like actually no
17:36I'm kind of done taking people shit
17:37I'm at a point in my life where I'm like
17:39I want to protect my peace and I want to be able to heal myself my skin and like all my chronic health issues
17:45I think it's related to like deeper rooted trauma. This is the current state of my skin
17:50Oh, it's just so rough because I've literally been doing I've been cutting out sugar
17:56Gluin
17:57I've been cutting back on all my dairy. It just felt like it's getting worse
18:02It's basically like I've been going through an autoimmune disease without an autoimmune disease
18:07But recently I've been working on finding my voice and learning how to express my feelings and now my skin's been doing a lot better
18:14It's hard because when my face is good my body's bad and then it'll swap where my face is
18:20Horrible and my body's great. So I just need to get my whole body in tune with each other
18:25But Jake's always knows to like I can't really express my emotions unless it's like anger
18:30Because I don't know how to validate people's feelings because we didn't get that growing up
18:35Validate their feelings. I'm just like in attack mode and I feel like it's just from
18:39Not expressing my emotions for however many years 24 years, especially you like especially you
18:47Feel like a lot of it is super
18:50Related to like trauma and things that happen and just all of that
18:56Yeah
19:01I
19:05Was sexually abused for about
19:08Like four or five years. I was young and so I wasn't I
19:12Didn't exactly know what was going on. And then when I was 15, I was like it can't go on any longer
19:18so Halloween of
19:202015 I've ended up going to my mom and I felt like she didn't believe me. I
19:28I feel like that's when I stopped telling people
19:38After that point it was like I was hesitant to say anything to anybody because I was like, well, no one's gonna believe me. I
19:45Think it just silenced me in a way. I
19:50Think that was like
19:52The turning point where my body shifted and was like every time I'm feeling something or feeling like anything hard I can't
20:00Even now it's like I can't express it
20:03It's a tricky
20:05Situation to navigate because it's like I don't know where to go from here
20:08But I think the most important thing is finding the people that you can trust and the people that you feel comfortable around
20:13Oh, I just feel like on Halloween. That was like the last time that I
20:22I
20:27That's just when I lost my voice
20:31Such a deep wound of just hurt that I have a lot of fear of having to relive it and feel that all again
20:38okay, I need a break, but maybe I need to try going to therapy and
20:45Finally allow myself to heal. I would say let's hug, but we don't do that
20:52Nice
21:00Get some time in the morning for us the Halloween party was intense
21:05No, I know the Chippendales situation
21:08I think that this is another job from Jesse and to me at Jen and I's expense
21:13I don't know in what world they think that they have some right to like give us exposure therapy
21:18The force something on to someone and especially not tell them I don't think you can claim to have a good intention
21:24like I
21:25Like a man went and sat down with them told them my issues I had with them
21:29I talked to them about the issues they had with me. I said some super hurtful things to Jen
21:34I look like the biggest hypocrite in the world
21:36Yeah
21:36I don't feel like that's who I am and that's like not who I want to be
21:40Four days later at their Halloween party with a hundred friends. We don't know
21:44We're made into the comedy act so that they can laugh it's a different story if Brett reaches out and says
21:51Like Zach, are you cool with this or even the girls? I mean, did they ask you if they could?
21:57No
21:59So, I mean it shows a lot of I did I did hear Jesse and did me kind of bring it up jokingly when I was
22:06at
22:08Jesse's salon, but I didn't I didn't think they were serious to be honest. I
22:12Knew partially of what they were gonna do
22:22But I didn't realize how bad this was upset Zach I
22:26Just wanted to be the fun friend who just said yeah, and that it would be so awesome
22:30But I didn't really question their intentions behind it. And I also didn't ask myself how I felt about it. They're shitty friends
22:38it's like
22:39This is our marriage this isn't a game and like real friends wouldn't do that. Genuinely. Yeah
22:45feel like I'm
22:47tossed in the middle having to pick between my marriage and
22:52All the girls and mom talk. It definitely feels like I have no one to turn to right now
22:58And that's really hard it's just honestly a toxic environment and
23:02Not the kind of place where I want to be like honestly raising our kids. I just wish that after the party
23:09Didn't
23:10Put the frustration you're feeling towards to me and Jesse on me
23:15After the Halloween party Zach got upset about it
23:18And he was jumping to conclusions and putting his frustration on me without getting the whole picture or the whole story
23:24It was definitely triggering for me. I'm not frustrated at you Jen
23:28I I just you were continually going to these parties and spending time with these people who clearly don't have good intentions for you
23:35Or for our family. I just also want you to acknowledge the frustration you put on me
23:41yeah, I I am frustrated because I feel like I'm having to stick up and
23:45Defend our family and it's making me look like the bad guy when these are your friends
23:50like if my friends were doing these kind of things to us, I would confront them and
23:55Or I would drop them so much was happening. I didn't feel like there was room for me to confront them
24:00It felt like Chippendale's all over again just like you being Jen I'm not to the nut
24:06I'm not not to the extent on no not to the
24:10Tony you just listen to me real quick. You just listen to me not to the extent
24:16Obviously, you're frustrated about the whole thing and you're frustrated
24:20About not at you at Jesse and to me. Yes, they're not good friend
24:24I know but I wish you wouldn't put that frustration on me and you would ask me how I'm feeling then like how you're feeling
24:30But you bring me to these parties with your friends and then I get put in these situations
24:35I think there is a lot of things. I do need to take accountability for it
24:40I just don't think everyone sees the full context and doesn't see the other side of things
24:45Like you also have to own up to like how you treat me after these situations that I'm not putting myself into I just
24:51Honestly felt like pretty like alone
24:55Okay, I just I I can't do this. I'm sorry
25:01This are you gonna hear me out? Are you gonna listen to me? Are you just gonna go away?
25:05I would like to take a break for a second. Will you please cut the camera? I don't want I don't I don't want to
25:10Take a break. I want to openly this conversation. I'm I'm not down to have this conversation right now
25:15This I'm not getting this twisted on me again
25:20You're making it about you and how you feel you haven't considered how we can film this later. I'm not gonna do this
25:26I'm not gonna have this books back on me again
25:29Because I'm crazy ass friends I've been doing so much work to handle things differently to go about things differently and
25:39Jen is such a sweet pure-hearted person that I think yeah, sometimes I feel like I kind of get a
25:48Little bit I
25:50Don't know. I don't want to say anything bad about Jen. I
25:56Need you to own up to this
25:57I'm not I'm not being quiet about and if you don't want to be on camera then you can go if you don't want
26:01To be a part of this. You don't want to be part of this marriage
26:03You can go and I'm only moving forward in this marriage if you take accountability
26:26I
26:32Get out of bed and
26:34I'm headed to the bathroom and then all of a sudden this gush of water comes out TMI. Sorry and
26:42I'm in labor
26:45I'm so excited
26:46It's time. I heard there was drama at Jesse's Halloween party, but lucky me
26:52I can't afford being involved in any big drama because I'm about to give birth and I'm so excited to start this new chapter in
26:58our lives
27:06So I really appreciate you carrying her child
27:09And all the love that you've given me and our children and the love you're gonna give this baby
27:14Being a mom is one of the greatest callings a woman can have
27:22We're so strong with me that's genuinely the closest I feel to heaven big slow breaths
27:32It's the greatest miracle the greatest blessing
27:36anyone could ever experience and there's a certain significance with having this baby with Connor because we did
27:43Go through so much and we worked so hard to get this relationship that we have today
27:48I'll forever be so grateful that I gave Connor a second chance
27:52This baby wouldn't be here if we were able to overcome what we went through
27:59There's no other person I'd love to be in this room and experience this with than my husband Connor
28:18I know how easy it is to get caught up in the world and worldly things, but
28:27Every time I'm holding a newborn or a baby or one of my children, I'm reminded this is what matters
28:34This is what matters in this life
28:40I love you
28:48It's beautiful
29:00Some of the girls and I are getting together with our kids today
29:03We are taking them to a farm that has a lot of pumpkins and rides. You guys look so cute. Thank you
29:10Jen's not here. She's kind of been off the grid. I'm okay with it
29:13Taylor
29:15Hi, baby, oh you look cute. I'm excited to see the kids play together and just have a fun light-hearted day
29:28Yeah, let's do
29:36I'm like shaking
29:44Oh
29:54Let's go play in the corn Jagger. Come on, but we're gonna eat our food first. Okay Jagger. Don't put it in your mouth
30:04I know I was like Macy's gonna ask someone to clean the table. Yeah
30:09I
30:10Don't like the germs you guys
30:12Have you talked to Whitney at all Jen and I went yesterday and got her a gift
30:17Wait, I want to know how you and Jen got so close just been hanging out
30:21I'm going to kind of have to win these girls over if I want to come back to mom talk and I think Jen and
30:28I have a lot of similarities
30:29I can relate to her because I know what it's like to have your marriage so publicly scrutinized
30:35No one understands unless they've been there feels like I'm having to explain myself when I should just be
30:42Receiving support and they see this. Yeah, and there's like this all underneath
30:47I support your marriage and if you guys are working through it
30:51I'm rooting for you guys the girls aren't the biggest fans of Jen right now
30:55But I'm just trying not to rock the boat because I'm not even in mom talk yet. I
31:01Think she just feels alone with the whole exact thing
31:05Because she doesn't want to upset him. Yeah, she also feels like if she opens up to you guys
31:09She's like I already kind of know like their answer. Well to be fair when she's open up to us
31:14It's either a lie or sack doesn't know she's saying it and that's what gets her in trouble
31:18She's done things that have bitten her own self in the ass
31:21So are you guys all not cool with Jen? I feel like I'm just not her biggest fan for what she's done to like you
31:26especially
31:27What she do to you?
31:31She's just kind of vindictive
31:35I was one of the girls that went on the Italy trip at Vanderpump billow this summer and I know for a fact that nothing
31:40Happened, but to me and the guys
31:47Jen was definitely judging to me for being flirty with these guys if that's okay in your marriage
31:53I'm not judging you for it
31:55But then Jen turn around flip it as a way to use it against her almost as blackmail
31:59we had to sit down talk with her and Zach and we were talking about
32:04Just the disconnect between what she was saying verse what Zach was saying
32:07but instead of like taking the opportunity to like focus on that she took the opportunity to like try to throw me under the bus and
32:14Like was like, well, what about villas and what about and I'm like, okay, hold on
32:18We're talking about you and Zach like none of this concerns you in any way
32:22I think that when Jen is in situations where she feels that she's ganged up on and isolated
32:27She likes to deflect and kind of throw out whatever
32:30Dagger she can to take the heat off of herself. Her motives are not good
32:34So I'm just like until I see different like this is where we are
32:38There's just so much like I have to catch up on
32:41Jagger's chomping at the bit to do something
32:45Don't put him in someone's shoes Jagger stop
32:48Jagger do you want to go see the animals with your friends? Okay, I'll take you guys. Soca wants to go with you guys, too
32:55Okay, let's do the corn maze yay, okay, let's hope we come out friends
32:59We'll just go through this no matter how this goes down. If you have to pee just go in there. Yeah, I just squat right here
33:06Get all time
33:11Miranda was like another level of like friendship
33:13She's my best friend like we would talk two hours a day on the phone
33:16I'd see her probably three times a week and it ended overnight
33:20If you're gonna like come into our circle again and come into mom talk
33:23I would hope at this point you're willing to like be open and honest because if you're not I will
33:28Clear the air. I won't be called a liar because everything I've said is true. I'm ready to move on
33:36Well, how have you been feeling about being around me? Yeah, I'm like almost maybe in shock like
33:42We should have a conversation because your story still are like a little different and so I'm just confused
33:47I feel like a lot of animosity still like about the whole situation
33:49The only time I like touched anyone or did anything with anyone was kissing
33:54I'm hoping Taylor is ready to really have what I hope is the final conversation
34:00I just want to clear it up once and for all there wasn't anything beyond that
34:11What I wanted to get across was that I was like when Taylor said everyone was hooking up with everyone
34:15I'm like that wasn't the case. I didn't hook up with anyone
34:17I think when people think like swinging parties was not really like I guess for me like what I would picture
34:23Maybe we have a different definition of involvement. Then I didn't mean sex. I just meant we were all doing things with each other
34:29I don't want to get it twisted height of what I was involved in was kissing people. It wasn't just kissing. I
34:38Don't know what to say about it. Yeah, it's true. But like also not this is downplaying what actually happened
34:42I feel like it's like we did everything Love Island does
34:45Seen Love Island where they play the games, but I was just kind of like plus a little more
34:50And no one had sex as far as I know so
34:55Yes, you didn't have sex with the husband but like you didn't just kiss people though you participated in all these things
35:01I mean I could just start listening. We did have sex in the shower with our husbands all together
35:06We also had sex in the same bed at the same time
35:10We would blindfold each other and you would have to guess which husband you were kissing and a couple of times
35:16We did that we also
35:18Had a night where it was just four husbands and you and me they asked us to go get in short shorts
35:23So we did and then we came down and we were so drunk
35:25We were making out we were on top of each other and they all filmed it on their phones
35:30I
35:32Mean
35:34Taylor's not wrong
35:36At this point. I don't even know if I should say yes. I am a swinger
35:39No, I'm not a swinger. You guys can call it. Whatever you want. You tell me if I go or not
35:43How are you guys feeling about Miranda? I feel better about Miranda than I feel about Whitney
35:47I'm around her. I enjoy being around her. That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Maybe you guys are softening on her
35:53I'm like not well, not well, I don't have any anger now
35:56I'm still hesitant of the timing of things
35:58Yeah, and the intentions and she knows that the only thing that makes me nervous is just that she is attaching herself to like Jen
36:04Yes, I don't know why it makes you attach yourself to us. Yeah
36:10I wonder what they're talking about
36:13Being called a bad friend was like what I took really personal and so I guess like this is for me like what this is I
36:21Am here and I came here to take accountability
36:25So yeah, we've had sex in the same room
36:27Like we've had like like we had crazy parties in Mexico and I'm like, I don't think you deserve to be lied to
36:36Yeah, there were a handful of things that happened that I am still like yeah, that's so embarrassing
36:41I'm not gonna deny that if I could go back I would have handled everything differently
36:45I think that I really let the fear of being perceived get the best of me. I just felt so out of control and
36:53So wronged it was difficult for me to have a lot of like empathy for her
36:59But I wish that I would have come out with what really did happen rather than denying
37:04Everything that probably did make her feel worse and look worse and that wasn't my intentions. It was very much
37:11I'm terrified and I have a reputation as a Mormon to uphold and I regret that
37:17The sooner that we get through these hard conversations the sooner we can hopefully
37:22build a genuine relationship and friendship, I just want to move on and
37:27Leave it all behind us your sake for my sake for everyone's sake
37:31But I won't make you go into any details if you're like saying yeah, we did crazy stuff along with like
37:37Kissing then then that makes sense to me. I just say I wanted to make sure we're like on the same page. I
37:45Do feel like Miranda is trying to take the steps of admitting the things that she has done and just taking accountability
37:50I know her very well, and I think there's a part of her that's very uncomfortable admitting those things
37:56Knowing that family and friends are gonna know and seem here about it
38:01And it's like I have a really soft spot for her in my heart, and I still do
38:06Love her the whole like chase thing and like his feelings and all of that was just like
38:12Gut-wrenching, you know, I'm feeling like double betrayal. Yeah betrayal from like my husband and from my best friend
38:17There was just so much that I couldn't do the friendship anymore and I understand that that like wasn't fair to you
38:24Given you how close we were I like I could see how betraying that would be. Yeah, I would be really sad about it
38:30yeah, so I I
38:33Hold that on me too a lot
38:35So it's not fair to hold resentment with you because I'm just like I was not a good friend at that time
38:44Sorry, I
38:46was a really bad friend and
38:49Maybe I was a bad person and I'm sure Taylor can relate
38:54But it was a lot things we both did to each other. Yeah, I feel like
38:59That's fair to just let it go. Like I'm like
39:02Leave Taylor 2022 like in the past because I feel like I'm a completely different person
39:07I don't know if you can tell but yeah, I just like I do not like that version of myself
39:11and I think that's why I'm stuck I'm like not moved on because I'm like I
39:15Don't know I don't know like I can't even like actually talk about it
39:21Understand I still know how something like that horrible you yeah, like that person I was like very selfish. I
39:30Feel like I was such like a good person up until like those like that time
39:34And like I was so loyal to my husband to my best friend
39:37Like I told him like a lot like I'm not gonna do this
39:41I'm a loyal wife
39:43and then I think Essence went on like I
39:46Was I got weaker and weaker the more we did it? I
39:50Don't know how I did that to him and like you I
39:55Don't know. I just I hate her. I can't hate her
39:58Yeah, but Taylor if you wouldn't if you weren't her you wouldn't be who you are now like you
40:03I don't know. It's a good thing like I'm like and I'm not
40:07How do you not think that you're better than where you were yeah, I'm a better person
40:11Oh, yeah, absolutely like I told you how I
40:14I've seen it in you. I think it's more than fair for you to give yourself a little bit of grace
40:20Miranda and I talking here does make me
40:23Realize I do miss the friendship her and I have like this natural chemistry that we just like
40:29Gravitate towards each other and I have never had someone like that
40:31But I don't know if I want to be her best friend like obviously there's a ton of history
40:36So time will tell with that
40:45I'm losing sight of seeing it all losing the fight creating the fall. I'm just getting tired of standing tall
40:53Oh
41:06Busy yeah, what's going on? So what are you thinking?
41:10You want to focus on today? Maybe retouch on some trauma?
41:15Okay. Yeah, so I'd like to maybe see if we can go back to that 14 year old, you know, Michaela
41:21Who do you think you want to take your power back from the most?
41:27My mom I
41:29think it's also maybe just becoming comfortable with keeping it in for so long and
41:34shoving it down and
41:36The fear bringing it up as well
41:39Yeah, don't know how to process that so just keep it down is it getting harder to to keep it there
41:47Are you noticing it have more effects? Mm-hmm definitely have more effects I would say
41:54Notice it spilling out into different relationships or different areas
42:01Growing up I think we all kind of inherited the trait of you push everything under the rug
42:05You don't talk about it until it gets to the boiling point and for me
42:08It was presenting itself in physical ways and it was like I couldn't run away from it anymore
42:13And so I was like, okay
42:14Well, I'm just gonna go in and I'm gonna head strong just attack it
42:17I still get like triggered by it and I still have the the trauma response. So sometimes to take your power back
42:24We need to do things now that you didn't have a chance to do when you were younger, right?
42:29So I want you to channel into the feistiest
42:33snarkiest easy
42:37Bitchiest piece of yourself, okay
42:39I
42:42Mean represent the person that was abusing you and I want you to come at me. I want you to say
42:48What you really feel about me? You're a piece of shit. I can't do it. Yeah, like I can't do it
42:55What else would you say to me?
43:01It is uncomfortable Michaela for sure it's uncomfortable for you to have to live with us
43:07But you have a right to say your piece
43:10Mm-hmm. You have a right to say yeah, no, right
43:15You took advantage of me
43:19It's a little girl
43:22And you hurt me in a way you had no business ever putting hands on me
43:36And you're a piece of shit
43:39And you had no right to do it to me and take so much from me
43:45And I feel a lot of hate towards you for it
43:56You motherfucker
43:59I
44:03Mean amen
44:05Is it any lighter? Is it still just as heavy as ever is it? I think it's a little lighter for sure
44:12Yeah, it's a little bit lighter. I
44:16Think just talking about it is a little healing
44:20Talking about my past sexual abuse is not easy
44:23But I feel like there's something really freeing about finally speaking my truth and
44:27Expressing these emotions that I've held in for so long and it's definitely something that I want to apply to every aspect of my life
44:33I want to flip the script and break that cycle
44:37Is it something that you could leave here instead of tucking it back inside of you? Yeah
44:53I
45:00Unis put up again. There it is. That's what you wanted to happen
45:15I know. Oh my god. No, you forget. Yes every single time you forget here. Yeah, let's go in here
45:23Perfect. No, Macy and I are visiting Whitney today and just checking on how she's doing postpartum
45:34I wouldn't say I'm like besties with Whitney, but I have no issues with Whitney and I'm here if she needs a friend
45:44So when he reached out to me to get together to kind of just hash everything out
45:47It's like I reached out to you like ever so often you didn't respond to me and then all sudden you posted a personal text
45:53I'm like
45:53And then I'm like what the hell so it felt like a stab in the back to be honest
45:57I wish that I would have just talked to you rather than running away. I'm sorry
46:02I just can't help but feel bad for her and I do think that she regrets all the things that happened
46:08I mean Jesus told us to forgive and love my neighbor. So that's why I'm forgiving
46:13Yeah
46:18He might be getting hungry though, he's like opening his mouth
46:21I'm glad you're like doing good and you're up and you're like, I know. Yeah around which is crazy. Yeah
46:27Okay, wait, I have to know what happened at the Halloween party. Oh gosh
46:32Maybe they were like a summary. What happened? What didn't happen? Really? I know chase showed up because yeah, and I told me chase
46:38Well, that's when chaos started. Okay, we just started going at it. Like yeah, it was bad
46:44Really believing him. I'm like, why would you believe him when you can see he's lying
46:48The biggest issue I had at the Halloween party was kind of Dakota not
46:52Defending me as much as I thought he would to chase. Did you tell me that Jimmy had a sex dream about me?
46:57Yeah, you never told me that. Oh, you never told him. Yeah, that's crazy
47:03Yeah, so that's why I'm saying almost as if he's looking for something to justify like the lies
47:08I found out it makes it hard to move forward, especially when things like this come up and happen
47:13It's like it's like almost we take two steps back
47:16Is it really that easy and then the cops came?
47:25When you give birth it's just you and this baby as we're sitting here talking
47:29I'm just constantly reminded of how much I miss this. I miss being around even the other women and I miss us all being together
47:36Girlfriends crying Miranda's crying. That's when Jordan freaks out. Take accountability
47:43Take ownership right now
47:47That was wild and then I guess she didn't know it was so weird that's craziness that's like insane I
47:54Can't believe I'm about to say this out loud, but I think I want to come back into mom talk
48:06I
48:14Definitely felt very isolated. It definitely feels like I have no one to turn to right now
48:22It feels like Jesse and Demi are trying to sabotage me in my relationship
48:30This whole time you were talking about how you're the supportive friend to me if mom talk is about friendship then
48:39Why are you doing this to me? If you truly knew what I have been going through this past year
48:44This is the last thing that you would be doing
48:48Hey, I went to the store, yeah
48:51I
48:55Mean I'm ten days late now, so I think we should
49:01We should take a pregnancy test
49:05Okay, let's do it
49:07Okay, you just want me to wait right here
49:10We come in the bathroom
49:13after
49:14Sure. Yeah
49:21Do
49:30You want to look at it together
49:51I
49:57Started feeling depressed and anxious because my life has been really rocky and
50:06All over the place so I am
50:11Stressed out of my mind with the thought of me being pregnant
50:17Because Zach and I aren't on the best of terms
50:21And I think the last thing we need is another baby
50:27I'm okay
50:36Ready to look at it. Yeah
50:45Yeah, I'm pregnant
50:52I
50:57Am just scared
51:02Because I'm not the person I want to be before bringing in another child
51:09So I'm sad for this child because I
51:14Don't even know where my marriage is that
51:18And so
51:21I think in this moment, I've kind of come to my breaking point
51:36Do you want it harder softer I like
51:41You ever think you'd be back at a long talk sex party, I mean Miranda's a great kisser I
51:47Just wanted to talk to you guys about like the Halloween situation what you guys did was touch my wife without consent a
51:53Few months ago. I got confessions. I said I slept with Demi's husband last year while she was away
52:00Tensions and mom talk have been really high right now
52:07Okay, now it's time for you guys to confess something that you've held in that you've never told people so many secrets
52:16You