Dave & Chuck the Freak report breaking news of a clown on a bike and imagine what it would be like if James took a similar approach to clowning.
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00:00We interrupt the Riff Files for more breaking clown news.
00:16Monica, you have a clown report.
00:20Yes, I'm a teacher and I just stopped at a Kroger in Canton to get some snacks for my kids.
00:26And when I was walking in, there was a clown with a flashy, a bicycle with flashing lights on it.
00:32And he was playing Highway to Hell riding around the parking lot.
00:36Oh, my God.
00:36Hold on.
00:37Can you repeat what you saw for me, please?
00:40He was on a bike and it had like blue and green, like flashing lights in the tires.
00:45And he had like an MP3 player speaker zip tied to the front playing Highway to Hell.
00:52I don't know if that's scary to me.
00:55But he's currently in the parking lot of Kroger in Canton.
00:59Yes.
01:00Yeah.
01:00Okay.
01:01Well, Monica, thanks for that updated clown report.
01:04We appreciate it.
01:04Stay away from him, though.
01:06Yes.
01:06I am.
01:07Okay.
01:08All the best to Monica there.
01:09Just saw a clown on a bicycle with flashing lights blaring this song Highway to Hell.
01:14If you are in the Canton area and spot him at the Kroger, let us know on the riff lines.
01:19248-544-WRI.
01:22It's got to be a David Chunk listener, right?
01:24He's got Rick Lesnar written all over him.
01:26Yeah, he certainly does.
01:27He's blasting ACDC?
01:29In this climate, for you to decide, I'm going to put a clown mask on and just go drive around.
01:36On my bison.
01:37You're a scary dude.
01:39You know?
01:39Like, James, he put a, at least a, when he made his clown video, he put a bulletproof
01:45vest on and he stayed in his front lawn.
01:49You know what I mean?
01:50Smart.
01:50Terrifying, but smart.
01:51And listen, James, you had to, you had to at least think, God, I hope the wrong person
01:55doesn't see me.
01:57Yes.
01:58Yeah.
01:59That's why I put the don't shoot me on the bulletproof vest, too.
02:01Yeah.
02:02I got a sign with a smiley face.
02:04Yeah, I get like this text in the afternoon, like, you want me to mow your lawn, Dave?
02:08Yeah.
02:09That was awesome.
02:09That was this creepy clown mowing his lawn, you son of a bitch.
02:12But not this guy with the bike.
02:13I'm thinking about taking a cruise around the neighborhood now.
02:16Be careful, James.
02:17Don't do that, James.
02:17Don't.
02:18We want you here.
02:19Don't do that, James.
02:19Yeah, that's true.
02:20We don't want a dead James.
02:21As long as I don't encounter that lady who's got the real gun.
02:23What song would you play on your bike, though?
02:26You'd have to come up with a good song.
02:28Yeah, it's got to be good.
02:29It'd probably be really homoerotic.
02:31Yeah, that's true.
02:31It'd probably be like pina coladas or something.
02:37People are suggesting what James should play on his bike when he does his clown, fake clown attacks.
02:43And this is another one that they think would be perfect.
02:49Just picture it.
02:50James has a thong-wearing clown on a bike riding through your neighborhood.
02:55I got a thousand miles to ride.
02:57Trying to get downtown.
03:00Just waving.
03:01Ponges and people walking.
03:03Sharing at me as I ride by.
03:05I ring my bike bell at them.
03:06Ring, ring.
03:07I wave.
03:09I'm a creepy clown, but I'm a nice creepy clown.
03:12It would be emotionally confusing.
03:14Sure would.
03:15You'd have to process that one.
03:17And I love the dichotomy of terrifying and yet thinking not.
03:23Like, I don't know how I feel about this yet.
03:26Listen.
03:29There goes James.
03:30Bye, James the Clown.
03:32It's a clown.
03:33With a bulletproof vest on.
03:36And you're like, you know, he gives me hope.
03:40Remember, guys, clown lives matter, too.
03:42Yeah, that's what I...
03:43Clown lives matter.
03:44Clowns.
03:45That's true.
03:46Clowning around.
03:46He stops and helps an old lady across the street.
03:50Yeah, like the Boy Scout clown.
03:52Oh, my God.
03:52That's hilarious.
03:53Yeah, like the goodwill clown.
03:56Like, if...
03:56James, if you just went around and did a bunch of nice things...
04:01As a clown, clown lives matter.
04:04But make sure this song is played.
04:06You have to crank this up and head through your neighborhood.
04:11I would rise a thousand miles.
04:16That's the change.
04:18Something about clowns.
04:20I don't know.
04:21He pulls up to a coffee shop, gets off, goes in and buys somebody's coffee for him.
04:26Pay it forward.
04:27Clown it forward.
04:29Clown it forward.
04:30Clown it forward.
04:31James, the do-good clown.
04:33That's the perfect song for him.
04:35This one is another suggestion for you here, James.
04:40I could, like, get off my bike and start twerking in the corner.
04:47Twerking clown.
04:47Twerky to clown.
04:49Twerky.
04:49It's better than yours.
04:51It's better than yours.
04:53I can chuck, but I got too char.
04:55Yeah.
04:56My clown shape.
04:58That's a great suggestion here.
04:59So look for James.
05:01Actually, you know what would be really good?
05:02What?
05:03That music they play with the Wicked Witch of the West.
05:04Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
05:06That's scary, though.
05:07I would be scared.
05:07See, that's when people choose.
05:10No, this is perfect.
05:12Yeah, this is it.
05:14Lisa, look!
05:15It's him!
05:18It's Twerky the Clown!
05:20hey guys twerky the clown just riding my bike on boy good morning twerky hey twerky he's got
05:28one of those little monkeys with the symbols in the front of his little basket on his bike
05:32sweet monkey twerky
05:34just your friendly neighborhood creepy clown this is a nice happy happy clown song
05:42i feel like the vanessa carlton or whatever song yeah
05:48was the perfect we started off with the perfect one you can't yeah because it's just like him
05:53getting ready you know putting his nose on yeah putting his thong on with big shoes it really is
06:03a process for james to get clowned up thong clowning doesn't come easy it doesn't and it's like he kind
06:12of this song makes you feel the weight he would be going through to help clowns you know yeah
06:16just doing it for the good clowns are bad
06:20imagine james you just started cutting people's lawns randomly for them like like just cutting
06:27their lawn for them um i could consider that but that's a little more work than what i like yeah
06:32exactly i don't want my girlfriend mad at me yeah once you're on someone's lawn they can kill you
06:38too yeah i don't do that yeah yeah no not at all so look for james on his upbeat clown bike
06:44the clown hair blowing in the wind as he rides
06:48you