Taskmaster AU S04E04
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00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:28Let me out of here!
00:30Hello, it's Cast Master time.
00:40Tell your mum to come in from the shed and your dad to put some lippy on.
00:45Because it's 2025, you idiots.
00:47Your mums can be into woodworking and your dads are meant to look pretty.
00:51This is the show where five contestants duck and weave through my devious demands to win an item
00:57that's the source of the dandruff used to make gold flake vodka.
01:01It's the Task Master trophy.
01:03Those contestants are Dave Hughes.
01:09Emma Holland.
01:11Emma Holland.
01:13Lisa McKeown.
01:15Takashi Wakasugi.
01:17And Tommy Little.
01:19Hello!
01:21And beside me the guy who once said he'd love to see an all-female remake of Gallipoli.
01:28It's Tom Cashman.
01:29How's it going, Lesser Tom?
01:30I'm okay.
01:31It's tough for me at night, you know, because I'm a muso.
01:34Oh, right.
01:35It should be easy for you.
01:36Musicians love the nightlife.
01:37Out at night.
01:38Aren't you a night owl?
01:39Oh, sorry.
01:40I've been using it wrong.
01:41I thought muso referred to someone who likes muesli.
01:42I've been telling everyone I'm a muso.
01:45Yes, that's the end of it.
02:08All right, let's kick things off.
02:11A prize task please, Lesser Tom.
02:13Of course.
02:14Tonight our prize task is the thing most worthy of being hidden when visitors come around.
02:20Ooh.
02:21So, you've got visitors at your house.
02:23What are you ashamed of?
02:24Lisa?
02:25I'm going to sound like a really bad mother, but it is my son's bedroom.
02:34Like, I actually have started sneaking in sometimes to take some of the washing out,
02:40to get some of it done because it just piles up so badly.
02:43And now he's going to know because he likes watching the show.
02:45But I do...
02:46How old is he?
02:47Um, he'll be 21 soon.
02:50Okay.
02:51So, Waka, you've got visitors.
02:53What are you ashamed of?
02:54I think, uh, air fryer.
02:57I just don't like the conversation.
03:01Why?
03:02If someone came, find air fryer, oh, they start talking about air fryer.
03:08Where did you get?
03:09How big this?
03:10Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:11It's very boring.
03:12So, you don't like the chat that it generates, and then you brought it in this show.
03:17For the part of the show where we normally chat about a thing, you're annoying yourself now.
03:22No, just...
03:23Don't, don't...
03:24Can we talk about...
03:25I love air fryer.
03:26Can we talk about that?
03:27Seriously.
03:28No.
03:29Air fryer changed my life.
03:30Honestly.
03:31You slice a potato.
03:32This is great.
03:33Slice a potato.
03:34Tell me more.
03:35A little bit of salt.
03:36A little bit of olive oil.
03:37This is what I'm talking about.
03:38I know.
03:39I hate the conversation air fryer.
03:41I know.
03:42Even better, Hughesy.
03:43Hey, if you are watching this show, and you're a big fan of Taskmaster, and you see Wucker
03:45in the street, ask him about his air fryer.
03:48He would love it.
03:49Nah.
03:50Stop him.
03:53All right.
03:54Tommy, what are you ashamed of?
03:56Well, mine will sound good until you see it.
03:59Years ago, I did a sketch for a dear friend and comedian from this show, Luke McGregor,
04:05and it's a framed picture of all of us, but have a look.
04:08Now, the reason I don't like having it out is obvious, because it starts a conversation.
04:23And for the record, Hughesy's is the only one that's accurate.
04:27Now, can I say, and Luke did a great job with that show, because it gets played in schools,
04:33and it's been played in my own children's schools, and they say, is that your dad?
04:40It is crazy to label the one man of colour in that photo as other.
04:45All right.
04:46Emma, what are you ashamed of?
04:47It's my full-scale model skeleton.
04:48Oh.
04:49He sits in my house, and the only place he fits is this chair at the end of my bed.
05:06I love his little cock chair, I think it's really cute.
05:11And also, when we have guests over, particularly like my husband's parents, when they come over,
05:15we don't want them to see a full-scale skeleton, because it will scare them,
05:18so I put him in my car, because there's no other place for him.
05:21What message are you sending by doing that?
05:24I am unwell.
05:25Yeah.
05:26Okay.
05:27So, Dave.
05:28Yes.
05:29It's a pillow, which is a weird thing to hide, because you shouldn't be ashamed of a pillow,
05:33should you?
05:34Um, yeah.
05:35So, that's nice.
05:36So that's, um...
05:39It doesn't look like a pillow.
05:40It looks like you're getting a massage.
05:42I'm...
05:43It does.
05:47It makes me feel a bit egocentric to have it on display when visitors come over, so...
05:52You find that egocentric?
05:54Yeah, I'm...
05:55Yeah.
05:56Husey, for those who don't know, when we're in a foreign city, and we're walking at night together,
06:00he refuses to walk with us, because if someone asks us for a photo and not him, he gets offended.
06:06And so...
06:08No, I don't get offended.
06:10I get sad.
06:11So...
06:12Which is different.
06:13So, and you're all very well known in your own rights, and deserve recognition,
06:17but just, I don't want it around me.
06:19Uh...
06:20So, yeah.
06:21So, but anyway.
06:22I have people wanting to, uh, draw, paint me for the Archie board, alright?
06:26So...
06:27This is all...
06:28Stop it!
06:29This is all great, relatable stuff.
06:31No, because they pay you for the Archie board.
06:33You don't win.
06:34They don't even get in the final, and then...
06:35I know.
06:36They put the painting up on eBay, and I have to buy it.
06:39I know.
06:42How many?
06:43How many do you have?
06:44I've got about three at home.
06:52I've got to allocate some points here.
06:53As always, it's pretty challenging.
06:55Yeah?
06:56One point to Waka.
06:57OK.
06:58And I do encourage anyone who does run into Waka to have a chat about it.
07:01It's a great chat.
07:02No need to be ashamed of it.
07:03Chat about it.
07:06Don't talk to me.
07:07I don't ask about it anyway.
07:08Tommy Little, you get two points, because you had HIV, and you're referring to that as a negative,
07:12and some people live with it.
07:13No, no, I'm referring to it.
07:14And it's nothing to be ashamed of.
07:15And I'd hate for anyone at home to feel terrible because of Tommy Little's poorly thought through comedy.
07:25I'm going to give three points to Emma, because I feel like a skeleton.
07:28It's not that embarrassing.
07:29Four points to Lisa, because I could smell the photo.
07:34But five points is going to go to Husey, because that pillow is disgusting.
07:44So we know what they're playing for.
07:46How are they playing for it, Lester Tom?
07:48For this next task, my tunnel vision really came in handy.
07:51Hi Emma.
07:52Oh my god.
07:53Hi Waka.
07:54Hello Tom.
07:55Oh hi Tom.
07:56Do you want me to come and read it next to you so we can be together?
07:57Yeah if you want, why not?
07:58Okay.
07:59Oh my god.
08:05Oh my god.
08:08Oh my god.
08:09Oh my god.
08:10Oh my god.
08:12Oh my god.
08:13Ah, hi Waka.
08:14Hello Tom.
08:15Ah, hi Tom.
08:16Do you want me to come and read it next to you so we can be together?
08:19Yeah if you want, why not?
08:20Okay.
08:22Ah!
08:23Oh my god.
08:24Oh my god.
08:26Oh shit.
08:27They just work on the show.
08:34Sneak the sticky taped balloon along the tunnel to Tom.
08:40It's about the balloon that was back there.
08:42The lights will turn off for five seconds every eight seconds.
08:47If Tom sees the balloon when the lights are on, you must start again.
08:51Whenever the lights come on, you must wave at Tom with both hands.
08:55If the balloon pops, you will be disqualified.
08:59Fastest to get the balloon to Tom wins.
09:02Your time starts now.
09:06No, Phoebe, five seconds for eight seconds.
09:08Hang on, five seconds for eight seconds.
09:09Careful of the spooky people.
09:10Ah!
09:17What happened, Tommy?
09:18Were you frightened to learn that there were other people working on the show?
09:23Embarrassingly, yes.
09:25OK.
09:26Who's down the shaft first?
09:28As the youngest contestants, they were probably mucking around with balloons.
09:31Most recently, it's Wakka and Emma.
09:33OK.
09:34May as well just give it a go, hey?
09:39Hi, Tom.
09:40I can see the balloon.
09:42Please return to the start.
09:48Please wave, Emma.
09:49Hi, Tom.
09:50You're not really waving to me.
09:52Faster.
09:54Faster.
09:55Faster.
09:56Faster.
09:57Faster.
10:01Wait, wait, wait, wait.
10:02I can see the balloon.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Oh, this is hard.
10:08I saw the balloon.
10:09All right.
10:11Hi, Tom.
10:12Hi, Emma.
10:16Yes.
10:17I got it.
10:18I can put...
10:24Actually, I can move here that time, actually.
10:28Hi, Tom.
10:29Hi, Tom.
10:30Hi, Tom.
10:31Hi, Tom.
10:32Oh, shit.
10:33Fuck.
10:34He scared the shit out of me.
10:38Two minutes and 20 seconds left.
10:42Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it.
10:49Oh, it's the task again.
10:50Here.
10:53What?
10:56Touch the balloon.
10:59What?
11:00All the information you need is in the task.
11:02What's it?
11:08What is the way to reach Tom's win?
11:10Give me the balloon.
11:11Okay, okay.
11:13When you're done.
11:19Thanks, Waka.
11:21Bye, Tom.
11:22Bye, Emma.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:27It happened again.
11:30So, Waka, what did you think the task was?
11:35You just had to run to the end, pretend you were pregnant,
11:38then rub your belly on...
11:40I thought it's finished.
11:41You know, I already arrived, and then I say hello to Tom,
11:44and I thought it's finished.
11:45So, you thought it's finished, because you said hello,
11:47so then you desperately rubbed your tummy on him.
11:49I touched the thumb, too.
11:50Shake your hands there.
11:51Yeah.
11:52I took the plinth with you, Emma.
11:53How do you think that worked?
11:55It was pretty arduous on my big muscles.
11:59But I made it work.
12:00And so, before that, you were trying something else.
12:02You were just trying to stash them behind those pillars.
12:04Yeah, but, like, because of the nature of the balloon,
12:07it just kind of kept floating out, and so I didn't really...
12:09Right.
12:10Honestly, I felt like it was the only option for me,
12:12what I ended up doing.
12:13Emma's plinth shuffling took 10 minutes and 17 seconds,
12:16and Waka, even after doing 99% of the task
12:18and then starting again, took exactly nine minutes.
12:25OK, Emma and Waka have done well
12:27and earned two minutes on their Game Boy Color.
12:30We'll have a little rest, a few cordials,
12:32and see you after this.
12:43Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:48We've got balloons, we've got the dark.
12:50Come on in, little children.
12:52That's right.
12:53Our contestants are trying to sneak a balloon down a tunnel.
12:55If I see the balloon while the lights are on,
12:58the contestants must go back to the start.
13:00Up next, our older contestants.
13:02Did they struggle in the tunnel
13:03because they kept reaching for the light at the end of it?
13:05It's Lisa and Dave.
13:07I saw the balloon.
13:13Oh, yeah, I know.
13:14I'm starting again, yeah?
13:16Yes.
13:24I know, you saw the balloon.
13:27I saw the balloon.
13:31Oh, shit.
13:32It didn't.
13:35Thanks, Lisa.
13:36It popped.
13:37Your time starts now.
13:51Thanks, Dave.
13:52Those rocks have not been eroded enough.
13:55Please walk back down the tunnel, Dave.
13:59It's not my finest moment.
14:06So, Dave, when the task is to not pop the balloon, that's key.
14:09Yeah.
14:10Why did you think putting it against a wall of sharp rocks would help?
14:14Balloons are stronger in my day.
14:17And, yeah, so...
14:19For me, it was the last task of the day
14:21and it was beer o'clock earlier than they thought it was going to be, so...
14:25Lisa, I think I'm glad yours popped
14:27because you didn't seem to be very good at hiding the balloon.
14:30Look...
14:31It was poking out all over the place.
14:32I know.
14:33And, look, it does look worse.
14:34I took longer in between.
14:35It didn't happen that quickly, but basically I was really shit at it.
14:39Well, I think I'm kind of relieved, actually,
14:41because they're both, you know, some of the oldest contestants on the show.
14:45And I just feel like if you did run further down the corridor
14:48and you discovered the crew that were working there...
14:53I'm just worried you could have had a heart scare.
14:56And, I mean, it's spare a thought for the crew as well, Tom,
14:59because, obviously, if Lisa comes down, the crew are going to scare Lisa,
15:02but if Yuzi comes down, the crew are going to shit themselves.
15:06So, Lisa's balloon popped after two minutes and 35 seconds.
15:09I think Dave's effort, you could argue, what he did was indistinguishable
15:12from if the envelope had said, pop the balloon.
15:16It popped after 24 seconds.
15:21You know, at least you offered us some brevity.
15:23Cashman, let's go.
15:24Like a helium balloon, the only way he knows how to have fun
15:27is to get really high.
15:28It's Tommy Little.
15:30Whenever the lights are on,
15:32you must flail both hands in the air and scream loudly.
15:36Your time starts now.
15:38Just making...
16:03Hi, Tommy.
16:04Hi, Tommy.
16:05Oh, my God, don't pop.
16:10I saw the balloon.
16:11Please go back to the start.
16:12What the ?
16:25It's dark.
16:25It's dark.
16:26Take the balloon.
16:26Take the balloon.
16:28You savage.
16:30Thanks, Tommy.
16:32You can keep the lights on when I walk away.
16:33Exit's that way.
16:34Good.
16:35It's dark.
16:37F*** you.
16:43Yeah, so, Tommy, we accidentally worded your task a bit differently.
16:48Fairly discernible, though.
16:50And so, ultimately, you just did Waka's trick.
16:52You just stuffed it up your shirt.
16:54Well, to be fair, I didn't know it was Waka's trick, so, according to me, it was my trick.
16:59Sorry, I'll pick that up.
17:01Waka did Tommy's trick.
17:02And we both didn't read a task in the end.
17:05Well, Tommy, he flailed only in the literal sense.
17:15He took just three minutes and 52 seconds.
17:18That means Dave and Lisa get zero points, Emma gets three, Waka gets four, but Tommy wins the task with five points.
17:29And in terms of scores for the overall episode, we've got Emma on six, but Tommy's in the lead with seven points.
17:34All right, let's move on from this unholy service shaft.
17:41I'm just getting word I've been granted three wishes.
17:43I wish for a new task.
17:45I wish for it to be entertaining.
17:46And my third wish is for everyone to know how thankful I am for those first two wishes.
17:50It's a long way.
18:08I should have taken the bike.
18:09I jog because I love tasks with you.
18:13Just the usual.
18:15Flip a coin from the furthest distance into the wishing well.
18:20You must make a new wish with every flip.
18:23You have five minutes.
18:25Your time starts now.
18:26All right, easy one, simple one.
18:28World piece, let's do a new world piece on an easy one.
18:32That's good.
18:33We're going well.
18:34Ten million bucks.
18:34I think the duck is laughing at your wish.
18:41I want to be cool.
18:43I wish it stopped looking at me like that.
18:46That's okay.
18:48I wish I had longer legs.
18:51I want to be popular.
18:54I wish I could see Coldplay live again.
18:58But my hair continues to be luscious.
19:02I've got it.
19:03I want a helicopter.
19:04I want a plane.
19:06Oh, you mother.
19:09Did I get that one in?
19:10Yeah.
19:11Oh, yay.
19:12There's hope for me yet.
19:15What's that?
19:22Make the wish from your last successful flip come true.
19:26Truest made wish wins.
19:28You have 30 minutes.
19:30Your time starts now.
19:31I don't even remember what the wish was.
19:32What was my last successful flip?
19:34What did I say?
19:35Do you remember what you all...
19:37Yes.
19:37We all remember what it was.
19:40So just to be clear, we want to see them make their last wish come true, but we haven't
19:52seen it yet.
19:53That's correct.
19:55We got an insight into how privileged Husey's life is.
19:58Most people just want their life to be better.
19:59So Husey just wants to continue to have luscious hair.
20:04On the other hand, in Husey's defense, his first wish was world peace.
20:07Tommy's first wish was $10 million for himself.
20:11Okay.
20:11Let's get this wish list cranking.
20:13First up, with the most Tommy Little wish imaginable, it's Tommy Little.
20:17What's the most cliche thing you think I would wish for?
20:20A bigger dick.
20:25Who cares about the rest of the task?
20:27How big is it at the moment?
20:34It's not big.
20:35That's actually good for this though.
20:37I can't just get an erection on.
20:42Heat might help.
20:44No, but even then, comparatively, it'll make my balls appear bigger and my dick look even
20:49smaller.
20:49So you only ever measure the size of the penis relative to the balls?
20:54That's good.
20:55I don't know what's good about what I just said.
20:59I just thought I could make my balls smaller and so comparatively.
21:03If I put ice down my pants and you scare me, is that television?
21:09I think that's fun.
21:10How long we got?
21:1216 minutes and 20 seconds.
21:13Okay.
21:13I figured you could scare me as a clown.
21:15Okay.
21:16Remember somehow, this is to make my dick bigger.
21:19Okay, yep.
21:20Okay.
21:21Are you ready?
21:22Yep.
21:23Ah!
21:25Okay, close your eyes.
21:26Oh my God!
21:29Don't hurry up!
21:30Tommy, open your eyes in five seconds.
21:33Count down.
21:33Five, four, three, two, one.
21:37Ah!
21:40Oh!
21:42Oh!
21:42Oh!
21:49How do you think you went?
21:50Not good.
21:51Oh!
22:00So Tommy, first of all, congratulations for being on brand.
22:04I'll have it known, getting an erection was the easy option and I chose not to take it.
22:09So you were wanting to create the illusion of largeness via making something else smaller?
22:16Yes.
22:17And hoping I wasn't secretly aroused by clowns.
22:21Okay, but was your wish that you wanted to make it seem bigger or that you wanted to make it bigger?
22:27Seem bigger?
22:28I think it was you wanted to make it bigger.
22:32Yeah.
22:32So I think it would have been unchanged in length, perhaps even shrunk a bit just from the...
22:37It definitely would have shrunk.
22:38Did you see that tape measure?
22:39I was no way that big before.
22:43He has got us a little bit in that he's not allowed to measure it.
22:46Yeah.
22:47We kind of have to trust him to some degree for the measurement.
22:49Yeah.
22:49I think Kashmir's right.
22:50You've got to trust Tommy Big Dick on this one.
22:52OK, they just told me we're going to take a break, but I think that's code for the show
22:59has been cancelled.
23:01Thanks to Tommy.
23:04Find out whether we're back or not soon.
23:19Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:21We're in the throes of a task and wishing for a good outcome, aren't we, Tom?
23:25That's right.
23:25Tommy was first, and we all know what Tommy did.
23:30Next up, like a stingy genie, she'll only make one wish come true.
23:33It's Emma Holland.
23:35I wish I knew what it meant to love.
23:38Why did I say that?
23:40I'm going to try and develop a love friendship with you in the next 30...
23:4326 minutes and 38 seconds.
23:44OK.
23:45What's your favourite childhood memory?
23:47The only thing that's coming to mind is me winning cross-country.
23:49OK, I feel like I could, um, learn to love you if I saw you in a moment of pure joy.
23:56OK.
23:56And I think a moment of pure joy would be you winning a race.
24:00Ready?
24:00Yeah.
24:01Set.
24:02Congratulations.
24:03Well done.
24:04Wow.
24:04Now I know what it means to love.
24:08Congratulations.
24:10Well done.
24:11Wow.
24:12Now I know what it means to love.
24:25I feel like that's what nerd love looks like.
24:31You look like you met at a flash mob.
24:34That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.
24:38OK, so you wanted to know what it meant to love and you're married.
24:45And I presume your husband's watching the show.
24:49Yeah.
24:50And so that's awkward.
24:51It's like, you know, I'm like, I'm on the screen.
24:53I'm playing a character, you know, I'm not really me.
24:55Oh, I see.
24:56OK.
24:57Can we establish that you do love your husband?
24:59Yeah, if you want to say that, sure, yeah.
25:02All right, Cashman, I wish for us to see another go.
25:06Will they be wishful thinkers or bashful stinkers?
25:08It's Waka and Lisa.
25:10I want to eat steak tonight.
25:13I wish that I could cook a souffle.
25:16Yes!
25:17Steak!
25:18Do you smell?
25:19You know.
25:20Do you want to whisk the egg whites?
25:21I reckon you've probably got about 10 minutes left of that and then we'll be great.
25:2610 minutes of this?
25:27Yep.
25:28So, 190 on the oven.
25:29Make-a-wish is great, but don't be too big.
25:30Small steps.
25:31Small dream makes you happy.
25:32Does it say anything in there about what to do when your arm starts getting sore?
25:33Hey, and just keep going.
25:34You're building up muscle.
25:35Just don't worry about the pain.
25:36Beat the egg yolks well.
25:37Oh, sorry.
25:38It's these you've got to beat, not those.
25:39It's all right.
25:40Just start on those.
25:41It'll be alright.
25:42It's good for you.
25:43I'm going to do a warm basin of warm water.
25:44Just chuck the eggs in there just to warm them.
25:45I can't find a sifter.
25:46And I'm just going to sift it through your hands.
25:47Hey, who does the dishes here?
25:48Um, me.
25:49Okay.
25:50Oh my God.
25:51Oh my God.
25:52I'm just going to put something in there about what to do when your arm starts getting sore.
25:53Hey, and just keep going.
25:54You're building up muscle.
25:55Just don't worry about the pain.
25:56Beat the egg yolks well.
25:57Oh, sorry, it's these you've got to beat, not those.
25:58It's all right.
25:59Just start on those.
26:00It'll be alright.
26:01It's good for you.
26:02I'm going to do a warm basin of warm water.
26:03Just chuck the eggs in there just to warm them.
26:05I can't find a sifter.
26:06And I'm just going to sift it through your hands.
26:08Hey, who does the dishes here?
26:10Um, me.
26:11Okay.
26:12Oh my God.
26:13I accidentally poured water into the...
26:14Oh my God!
26:18I'm going to do it again.
26:27Do you reckon I get a couple of minutes back for the moment that you put the water in my eggs?
26:32Unfortunately not.
26:33I'm sorry.
26:34It is just going to be a fast rise.
26:41I did everything perfect in this task.
26:48How do you feel?
26:50Deflated.
26:51Hope you eat steak tonight.
26:59Is this your philosophy in life, Wakka?
27:01Yeah, and it looks good, right?
27:02Looks good.
27:03You know what?
27:04Because I didn't use air fryer.
27:12Better.
27:13Wakka got very lucky.
27:15If I could read out some other wishes you made.
27:17I want to eat steak.
27:18I want to be cool.
27:19I want to be tall.
27:20I want to win Taskmaster.
27:21I want to travel more.
27:22I want to buy a house.
27:23I want to live longer.
27:24I want to be a genius.
27:25And then I want to eat a steak tonight.
27:27That goes in.
27:28So, Lisa, I haven't eaten too many souffles that are just watery eggs.
27:40And look, I was hoping my experience would be a little more like your experience with your steak.
27:44But I think we had a few issues in the kitchen and it turned to shit.
27:49And that's okay.
27:50And I would like to formally apologize.
27:52You did tell me to put the egg yolks down under the sink, but then I forgot about it and washed my hands.
27:56Do you know what?
27:57It was a mistake.
27:58And we make mistakes.
27:59And that's okay.
28:00That's alright.
28:01I really like you and I would love to cook more souffles with you one day.
28:05I really enjoyed your company in the kitchen.
28:08I can see, like, I fell in love in that moment.
28:11A little bit like, like, you should have cooked with him because it was a moment.
28:15Yeah, I love Tom.
28:18Lisa's being very sweet.
28:20If I could just read out a few of your other wishes, which are very sweet.
28:23I wish that all these little ducks would start quacking.
28:26I really wish that Tom Gleeson was here.
28:30I wish to be on a mountain where it's snowing in a warm cabin.
28:33I wish for my children to stay at home forever.
28:35I do.
28:38I like doing their washing.
28:41Lisa failed with the souffle, did not achieve the wish, but it's kind of your fault, buddy.
28:45But no, I'm happy to cop it, but I don't want him to take the blame for it.
28:48I'm happy to take one point.
28:50It was Tom's fault my dick didn't get bigger.
28:52Are you saying that your normal amount of horniness was reduced to a point where an erection didn't kick in where if I wasn't there it would have?
29:06Shut up, dick shrinker.
29:08Okay, let's souffle our way to the final attempt, Tom Cashman.
29:13Will he be wishing poorly or wishing well?
29:15It's Dave Hughes.
29:17Ah, my wife doesn't buy too many cats.
29:20God for that.
29:22I've got to ring my wife and convince her not to buy any more cats.
29:25I'll convince her by saying, honey, I got scratched by a cat.
29:28I think I might have a cat infection.
29:30If my cat infected blood gets infected by another cat, it could be curtains for me.
29:35I've got feline aids.
29:37I feel like I need to send her a photo of a scratch.
29:41This is beautiful.
29:43I just got bitten by a stray cat.
29:47Now I don't feel great.
29:49The production's freaking out.
29:50I'm going to call it.
29:52Come on.
29:53Come on.
29:54You've got an anti-asms bleeding to death.
29:57Hi.
29:58You've called 042.
29:59All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
30:01No, I don't want to worry you, honey.
30:02I don't.
30:03I'm not here to worry you.
30:04But my arm's starting to blow up.
30:05I've got an issue.
30:06They said contact next of kin.
30:08I'm going to ring one more time.
30:09Just come on.
30:10And if that's it.
30:11Hey.
30:12Babe.
30:13In class, are you going to the doctors or hospital?
30:15I just saw your messages.
30:16I don't know.
30:17It's weird.
30:18I don't know.
30:19I'm guessing you wouldn't feel sick straight away from something like that,
30:21but I still think you should definitely go get it checked out.
30:23All right, all right, baby, all right.
30:24My husband got bitten by a diseased animal.
30:26So you're going to go to the doctors or the hospital?
30:28Yeah, we'll sort it out.
30:29Yep, I'll talk to you later.
30:30All right, baby.
30:31I want to go.
30:32Everyone wants to hear how you're going to go.
30:33Yeah, I'll talk to you.
30:34Yep, all right.
30:36Sorry.
30:37Bye, bye.
30:38I think I've done pretty well there.
30:39She took it very seriously.
30:40Are you going to call her and clarify?
30:42Nah, she'd be wrong.
30:43You seem pretty happy just to let your wife worry from then on.
30:55Yeah, I didn't want any more cats, guys.
30:58I honestly didn't.
30:59We had one cat at the time, so I wanted to keep it that way.
31:02So your wish was to not have any more cats?
31:04Yeah.
31:05How many cats do you have now?
31:06I've got three now.
31:07So this is becoming rather easy to score.
31:16Because I feel like straight away it's obvious that Husey's wish didn't come true.
31:20OK.
31:21And also Tommy Little's wish didn't come true.
31:23Coulda, coulda, coulda.
31:25So I'm going to give them all one.
31:27OK.
31:28Two points to Lisa because it was your fault that the souffle failed.
31:31Emma Holland, it kind of came true, so I'll give her two points.
31:35OK.
31:36But it definitely came true for Waka, so five points.
31:38Yes!
31:39So one, one, two, two, five for Waka.
31:44OK.
31:45OK, it's time to take the TV version of a sleep and go to a break.
31:48Have some little sweet dreams and we'll see you in the morrow.
32:06Welcome back to Classmaster where we just donated all the coins from our wishing well
32:11to Tom Cashman's charity of choice, Nerds Against Wedgies.
32:15This next one has smoke, so you know it's fire.
32:32Hey, matey boy.
32:35Hi Dave.
32:37I have no idea what's this.
32:39Is this a smoke machine?
32:40Yeah.
32:41Yeah.
32:44As opposed to you, a smoke show.
32:50I find this space really creepy.
32:51Oh.
32:52I just wanted to tell you that.
32:53Unveil something unsophisticated with this smoke machine.
32:57You must emit smoke in 20 minutes.
32:59And your unveil begins when the smoke clears.
33:03Most unsophisticated unveiling wins.
33:06Your time starts now.
33:07Do you consider yourself to be a very sophisticated person?
33:10No.
33:12No.
33:13I try very hard not to be.
33:14What's the most sophisticated you've ever felt?
33:16I had my hair in a bun once.
33:19Yeah, that was a pretty good day.
33:20I'm trying really hard to think of something that just doesn't involve bums, farts, boobs, dicks.
33:27I think I'm going to build something really ugly.
33:29My rig's not in great shape.
33:31It's too sophisticated.
33:33But yours looks savage.
33:36I reckon you could be nude eating a kebab.
33:40I'm going to be back.
33:41Well, no.
33:42You'll be back.
33:43It'll come.
33:44I don't know.
33:45We'll find out.
33:51So, Tommy, what about lesser Tom's rig makes you think unsophisticated?
33:55A fair bit about it.
33:58We actually had quite an honest conversation and Tom looked me in the eyes and he said,
34:02out of the two of us, I have the comedy body.
34:06Okay.
34:07Well, who's smoking up first?
34:09Attempting to be unsophisticated, it's two of the most polite people I've ever met.
34:12Emma and Lisa.
34:32I have to leave.
34:47I'm so sorry.
34:49I just have to go.
34:51That is so bad.
34:53Voila.
34:55Do you like it?
34:57I'm really sorry.
35:02I'm sorry.
35:03I'm sorry to you, Tom.
35:04I'm sorry to Tom.
35:05I'm sorry I couldn't make it go any higher.
35:08This is a chicken and he's using the cutler in the wrong hands and he's got a really big
35:14dong and I reckon that's pretty unsophisticated.
35:17I was trying to make the taskmaster have an erection because I thought it was really unsophisticated.
35:22Thanks, Emma.
35:23Can I go?
35:24Thanks, Tom.
35:25Can I go now, please?
35:26Yeah.
35:27I'm so embarrassed.
35:28I'm so embarrassed.
35:29Oh my God.
35:30The displeasure that it brought you, Lisa, brought a lot of pleasure to me.
35:45I'm so glad.
35:47I mean, I didn't want to be disrespectful to you and I didn't want to go that way.
35:51I didn't want to go to the Tommy little way.
35:54I think a lot of people would be offended by what you just said, but I don't want you
35:58to go my way either.
36:00I mean this with all my heart.
36:03You're above it.
36:05Emma, I feel like you buried the lead because you were worried about your creation having
36:12cutlery the wrong hand, which is very unsophisticated, but I feel like it's trumped by having its
36:19cock out.
36:21You know what?
36:22I think it speaks for itself.
36:25It was the last task of a really long day and I had lost my mind.
36:30OK.
36:31Alright.
36:32Well, onwards.
36:33More.
36:34It was courteous.
36:35It's another one of the most polite people I've ever met and Dave Hughes.
36:38It's Waka and Dave Hughes.
36:41The most unsophisticated thing in the world.
36:46Salt.
36:47Salt.
36:48I'm a fish.
36:49I'm a fish, but I don't like being fish because fish is unsophisticated.
36:56Some call it the essence of life.
37:00Others call it things Bogans put on food before they taste.
37:04I hate being water.
37:05I want to be on the ground and then play very sophisticated sports, golf.
37:10Golf is boring.
37:26I'm going back to the water.
37:29I've done it.
37:31I've done it.
37:40So I see what you're going for, Hughes.
37:46The idea of putting salt on something, seasoning food before trying it.
37:50Yes.
37:51My wife gets angry at me for doing it.
37:52OK.
37:53I really enjoy it.
37:54So, you know, you've got to die of something, so let's go.
37:57Now, Waka.
37:59Yes.
38:00What the f*** was that?
38:01I just...
38:05I've been...
38:07I've been searching and looking and really polite to this point, but we're at episode
38:124 and I've just got to be honest, I don't know what the f*** was going on.
38:16Good question.
38:17Yeah.
38:18So, first, fish.
38:19They have the technology and they have a language, you know.
38:23Fish is less than human, you know.
38:26Oh, so in terms of evolution.
38:28Yeah.
38:29And also that, I don't know what's it called.
38:30A trike?
38:31I use the...
38:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
38:33A trike?
38:34That's an unsophisticated mode of transport.
38:36Compared to other, you know, cars or, you know, trains, you know.
38:39Yeah, OK.
38:40Good.
38:41See?
38:42That's true.
38:43See?
38:44I'm not sure that's the laughter of agreement.
38:46I think that's the laughter of bamboozlement.
38:48I know.
38:49Yeah.
38:50Alright, time for an ad break.
38:52Why not do the sophisticated thing and just sit there watching them?
38:55Acknowledging the time and the effort that some advertising schmuck put into trying
39:00to coax money from you.
39:01Back soon.
39:02Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our female contestants have just debased themselves with
39:21jokes about dons.
39:22Yes, we're doing a task that asks for an unsophisticated unveiling with a smoke machine.
39:27Being unsophisticated should be a real stretch for him.
39:29Last up, it's smoke show Tommy Little.
39:31It's real good.
39:32Keep going.
39:33That's probably enough.
39:37It's real good. Keep going.
39:59That's probably enough.
40:01Yeah. Great. Thanks, Dom.
40:07OK, first question I have to ask is about your underpants.
40:16Were they medical?
40:20Tommy wanted me to look nude and so dressed me in skin-coloured underpants
40:24so they could blur it, but then just didn't blur it.
40:28Sorry, to be clear, I didn't mean to stitch you up like that.
40:32I was as shocked as you at no blur.
40:35It did make it look like you were just wearing a Depends.
40:40God, OK, well, I have to score this.
40:42Yes?
40:43No-one ever thinks about what it's like to be a Taskmaster
40:45when you have to deal with all this shit.
40:47True.
40:50OK, well, I feel like all the unveilings were kind of the same.
40:52They were just emerged from the smoke in pretty much the same way,
40:54so it really just comes down to the sophistication.
40:56OK.
40:56The most unsophisticated, I think, well, I think it was you.
41:02I mean, you nude eating a kebab, I just don't want to see that ever again.
41:06So I think it's five to Tommy Little.
41:07OK.
41:11And then starting at the other end, out of all of them,
41:14it's the most sophisticated, and that's just watching Husey eat some salt.
41:17OK.
41:17Oh, that's harsh.
41:20So I'm one, am I?
41:22Yeah, you're one.
41:23Yeah, well, it's your show, so whatever.
41:26OK, two for Waka, three for Emma, and four for Lisa,
41:29because I feel like they had similar vibes there to unsophisticated reveals,
41:32but I felt more menaced.
41:34My erection was better, I felt.
41:36Well, yeah, I felt...
41:38I was going for flaccid.
41:40I just want to make that quite clear.
41:41So was I.
41:42LAUGHTER
41:43APPLAUSE
41:44Yeah, so I'm giving four points to Lisa,
41:50because I felt personally targeted,
41:52so I felt like my feelings were hurt.
41:54So I want to reward that.
41:57OK, so that's one point for Dave, two for Waka,
41:59three for Emma, four for Lisa,
42:00and five points for Tommy Little.
42:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:03And in terms of the overall episode,
42:08there's only four points separating the top four,
42:10with Tommy out in front with 13 points.
42:12Oh!
42:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:14All right, everyone,
42:18up to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:23All right, Lisa, Tom,
42:26you're my man on the ground up there.
42:27What's going on?
42:28Lisa is about to read a task.
42:30OK.
42:32Land a sandbag on the scoreboard,
42:34then say a word with the number of letters
42:38equal to your landed score.
42:41Oh!
42:42OK, your word must begin with your randomly assigned letter.
42:48If you fail to say a correct word within three seconds of landing,
42:54you will get zero points for that round.
42:56There will be three rounds.
42:58Most points wins.
42:59All right, this is good.
43:00Come on.
43:01Your first, Lisa.
43:02OK.
43:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:05F.
43:11Manitowit.
43:12Follow.
43:12That's correct.
43:13Yeah!
43:13Yeah!
43:15Welcome.
43:15L.
43:16Letter.
43:17That's correct.
43:19Emma, please step up to the map.
43:21C.
43:22Cataract.
43:23That is incorrect.
43:25It has eight letters.
43:26Come on, Tommy.
43:27Tommy.
43:28F.
43:29It's a six.
43:30Follow.
43:31That is correct.
43:32Dave, please step up to the map.
43:34H.
43:3512.
43:36Hermaphrodite.
43:37This would be huge.
43:38It's got to be close.
43:39This would be huge.
43:40It's got to be close.
43:41This would be huge.
43:42Hermaphrodite has 13 characters.
43:43Oh!
43:44That's hurtful.
43:46On to the second round.
43:47Lisa.
43:48OK.
43:49E.
43:50That's a six.
43:51Follow.
43:52That is correct.
43:53Dave, please step up to the map.
43:54H.
43:55H.
43:5612.
43:57Hermaphrodite.
43:58Oh!
43:59That's hurtful.
44:02On to the second round.
44:03Lisa.
44:04OK.
44:05E.
44:07Elite.
44:08That's incorrect.
44:09No!
44:10This is hard.
44:12Waka.
44:14F.
44:16Seven.
44:17Freakable.
44:18That's incorrect.
44:20That's eight characters.
44:21Oh, good effect.
44:23Emma, are you ready?
44:24C.
44:27You've landed on the arrow.
44:30You get zero points.
44:32Some of you, are you ready?
44:33H.
44:36Seven.
44:36Heavenly.
44:38That's incorrect.
44:38Damn!
44:39That's eight letters.
44:40Ooh.
44:41Dave, please stand on the map.
44:43A.
44:45That's 10 characters.
44:48Anachronism.
44:52That's incorrect.
44:53Oh, how many?
44:5511 letters.
44:55I'm so close.
44:58What's anachronism?
44:59Oh, it's...
45:00Oh, I don't really know.
45:02All right, well, if my random letter was B, then the number would be five, and my word
45:07would be break, because we're about to have one.
45:09See you in a bit.
45:10Welcome back to Taskmaster, no need for me to chew your ear off.
45:26Tom Cashman, can you set the stage?
45:28We're down to the final round, and the devil is at play, because Dave and Emma are on zero,
45:32but Lisa, Tommy and Wacker are all on six.
45:34It's 6-6-6 going into the final round.
45:37It's anyone's game.
45:38Lisa, please step up to the mat.
45:40E.
45:41Y.
45:4210 letters.
45:43Yellowish.
45:44Incorrect.
45:45That's nine letters.
45:46Wacker.
45:47F.
45:48Three letters.
45:49F.
45:50F.
45:51F.
45:52F.
45:53F.
45:54F.
45:55F.
45:56F.
45:57F.
45:58F.
45:59F.
46:00F.
46:01F.
46:02F.
46:03F.
46:04F.
46:05F.
46:06F.
46:07F.
46:08F.
46:09F.
46:10F.
46:11F.
46:12F.
46:13F.
46:14F.
46:15F.
46:16F.
46:17F.
46:18F.
46:19F.
46:20F.
46:21F.
46:22F.
46:23F.
46:24F.
46:25F.
46:26F.
46:27F.
46:28F.
46:29F.
46:30F.
46:31F.
46:32F.
46:33F.
46:3410 points for Dave.
46:36OK, get down here so I can spell out who won.
46:44OK, so how did the scores end up for the live task?
46:48Well, Dave, unfortunately, overthrew on that last one,
46:50so he ended up with zero points, along with Emma.
46:52Then we had Lisa with six points, Waka with nine,
46:54but Tommy won the task with ten points.
46:59That's two points for Emma and Dave,
47:01three for Lisa, four for Waka, and Tommy with five points,
47:03won the task.
47:06OK, so let's get the final scores for the episode.
47:09Cashman?
47:10Well, he won spelling and he's won the episode.
47:12It's 18 points with Tommy!
47:15All right, congratulations, Tommy.
47:18Get up there and score yourself a sweet skeleton.
47:24OK, well, what have we learnt?
47:26Waka taught us the first rule of the air fry
47:29is don't talk about the air fry.
47:31And we learnt Lesser Tom's rig is exactly what you'd think it would be.
47:37Hip hip hooray for Tommy!
47:39Well, thanks for watching and see you on the next one.
47:41Welcome back to Taskmaster.
47:42It's our halfway point of the season.
47:43Thomas!
47:44Ah, you're a great person!
47:47Ha!
47:48Ha!
47:49Ha!
47:50Ha!
47:51Ha!
47:52Ha!
47:57Ha!
47:58Welcome back to Taskmaster.
47:59It's our halfway point of the season.
48:01Thomas!
48:02Ah, you're a great person!
48:03Ha!
48:04Ha!
48:05Ha!
48:06Ha!
48:08Ha!
48:09Ha!
48:10Ha!
48:11Stay in your lane, you f***ing snitch.
48:13Are you silencing a woman?
48:14Yes.