Watch Two Men Bike S01 E01
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00:00So, how long have we been friends?
00:09When did we start doing Mary Whitehurst on the radio?
00:10We started doing Mary Whitehurst experience on Radio 1 before it transferred to the telly,
00:15which was something that used to happen quite a lot.
00:16I don't think that happens any more.
00:18But there's many things that I don't know if they happen any more, you know.
00:23Like?
00:25You've set yourself up for a thing you can't follow through on.
00:30Well, I think that's something I've noticed about ageing.
00:32Yeah, but I'm saying late 1980s.
00:35So, we've sort of seen each other regularly since then, haven't we?
00:38But the honest truth of it, I've never liked you.
00:41But you've been very, very generous with your time, because soon you don't like me.
00:46Well...
00:47Well, 40 years, isn't it?
00:48I'm also a masochist.
00:49You've been putting up with me.
00:50I'm a masochist.
00:53I'm Hugh Dennis.
00:54Hey, well done.
00:56Hugh Dennis, ladies and gentlemen.
00:58And I'm taking my friend of four decades, David Baddiel,
01:01on a cycling trip across the south of France.
01:04Come on, David.
01:05It makes you fitter.
01:06I know, but it also makes me think I'm going to die.
01:10Over two weeks, we're heading from the Atlantic Ocean to the Mediterranean Sea.
01:15How far are we going? I'm slightly confused.
01:18Can we stop for a minute?
01:20It's a test of endurance.
01:22You show off. Look at you.
01:24Well, for one of us.
01:25That's no effort at all, is it?
01:27Skill.
01:32You didn't need to scream.
01:34And friendship.
01:36Here we go.
01:37You can borrow my gloves, if you like.
01:39I've got to do this for another 12 days.
01:42Here we go.
01:43Doing well. You're doing well.
01:44Come on!
01:47Oh, it's a tribute to humanity.
01:59Morning.
02:00Morning.
02:02Come on, you know you want to.
02:04Come on.
02:05Bring it in.
02:06You all right?
02:07Nice to see you.
02:08Nice to see you too.
02:10Our journey starts here, in Arcachon, on the French west coast.
02:15It's a 19th-century seaside resort,
02:18with beautiful villas and bistros dotted all along the seafront.
02:24We're meeting on one of the three piers,
02:27which stretch out into the Atlantic Ocean.
02:32Thank you for bringing me here.
02:34So, you're a cyclist, aren't you?
02:36Like, a proper cyclist. Yeah.
02:38What's your longest cycle ever?
02:41In a day, I was thinking about 210km, something like that.
02:45OK.
02:46What's the furthest you've cycled, then?
02:48From my house, which is in north London,
02:51to Wembley Stadium, which is in north London.
02:54And that's what, how many?
02:56About nine kilometres.
02:57Nine?
02:58But this isn't actually a normal bike, is it?
03:00That's an electric bike. Yeah.
03:01I love this bike. It's my own bike.
03:03I've got a button on here that makes it go even faster.
03:06That's all I need.
03:08I've got these things that I can... Shorts?
03:10I can change the amount of effort I put through my thighs.
03:14Look at my thighs.
03:16My thighs are the only part of me that I think of as sort of muscly.
03:20Yeah.
03:21Because they are quite muscly, aren't they? Look.
03:23All right.
03:24And yet, I'm still on an electric bike.
03:27I bought some stuff.
03:29These are what I'm wearing,
03:30but what I didn't know about cycling shorts... Yeah.
03:33..is that these have got this in here.
03:35Yeah, I know that. That looks awful.
03:37No, it's useful.
03:38When you don't know about it and you put them on for the first time,
03:40it feels like you're wearing a nappy.
03:41Well, you're looking good, though. Thank you very much.
03:43You're slightly dressed for winter, though, if I might say.
03:45Yeah, that's because we're starting quite early and it's freezing cold.
03:49I think you're going to like it.
03:50I'm looking forward to it very much.
03:52All right, let's go.
03:56Are we actually supposed to be cycling on this jetty?
03:59I don't know. It doesn't say you can't.
04:02Over the next three days, we'll head east from Arcachon into Bordeaux,
04:07exploring the city's famous food market and beautiful waterfront.
04:13From there, we head to the Chateau Toulouse-Lautrec
04:17to see where the famous painter created some of his masterpieces.
04:22Then we join the Garonne Canal,
04:24stopping at the medieval village of Neon-sur-Garonne.
04:28And finally, we can rest our weary legs
04:31at the small canal port of Pont des Sables.
04:43We've never ever cycled together before, have we? Which is weird.
04:47We've played football together. We've eaten together.
04:50We've done comedy together.
04:52We've driven across Africa together.
04:55But two things we've not done, we've not had sex together
04:58and we've not cycled together.
05:00No. No. That's where we are.
05:02So we've only got one left. We've only got one left.
05:07We're heading along the seafront of Arcachon.
05:10Its five miles of beach ends in the largest sand dune in Europe.
05:14For six months of the year here, it's over 20 degrees.
05:18And it's become a popular spot for sailing,
05:21surfing and what we're doing, cycling.
05:25You're 63.
05:2762.
05:28And you're 60.
05:29I'm 60. How can we be so old?
05:32It turns out when we first met, we were both in the Cambridge Footlights.
05:36I remember the sketch I first saw you doing and it was funny.
05:40And from there I thought, well, I might do this for a living as well.
05:44Honestly, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
05:47Yeah.
05:48Our route over the next two weeks is a recognised tourist trail
05:52called the Canal of the Two Seas and suitable for almost everyone.
05:57Although I'm not sure that includes David Baddiel.
06:01Now we're turning in from the coast and heading towards Bordeaux.
06:08This is rather beautiful.
06:10It is. It's very lovely.
06:12Have you been on long trips before?
06:14It is. It's very lovely.
06:16Have you been on long trips before?
06:18Yeah. I did this thing at this stage of the Tour de France.
06:21Right.
06:22And it was there that year. It was about 100 and...
06:24I think it was about 190 kilometres.
06:26What, up and down hills?
06:28In the Pyrenees, that was, yeah.
06:30Oh, my God. Well, that was a lot.
06:32I tell you, I've got arthritis in my Pyrenees.
06:36That's terrible. I've heard that. No, keep that in.
06:40God, look at you. The actual Tour de France coming our way.
06:43Some people in a peloton coming this way. Look at that.
06:46Is that a peloton?
06:47Yeah, that's a peloton.
06:50I thought a peloton was like an exercise bike.
06:52No, no, no. A peloton is that line of bikes very close to each other.
06:56Oh. Hang on. I'm quite a long way behind you.
07:00I'm behind you because I've gone down to assistance three.
07:05Press the power button on your thing.
07:07Yeah, all right.
07:10I'm doing that.
07:11See, look, here I am.
07:13Oh, look at that.
07:15I pressed the power button.
07:19Where are we now? Bordeaux.
07:31Nice. Yeah.
07:33That's beautiful, isn't it?
07:35Yeah, that's nice.
07:36Bordeaux, man.
07:37It's great to see Bordeaux from a bicycle.
07:42Bordeaux has been a major port for over 2,000 years.
07:45800 years ago, say it quietly, it was also ruled by the English.
07:50It's now famous for its wine and beautiful waterfront.
07:53We're heading to the middle of the Pont du Pierre,
07:56the oldest and prettiest bridge in Bordeaux.
08:00That's the Garonne.
08:02Huh?
08:03That is the River Garonne.
08:04Oh, is it?
08:05Yeah.
08:06You kind of realise how small the River Thames is
08:09when you come to places like this.
08:11Is it that much smaller than this?
08:13Well, this is twice as wide, isn't it, as the Thames.
08:16Don't you think?
08:17Well, I don't know. You said that like a geographer.
08:20Well, I said that as someone who lives in London and looks at the Thames.
08:24OK, pedants, it's not quite twice the width.
08:27The Garonne is over 400 metres across
08:29and the Thames in London is only 240 metres at its widest.
08:33But give me a break.
08:37Bordeaux is a melting pot of French art, history and architecture.
08:43The city alone has over 362 historical monuments,
08:48a modern art museum and an enormous mirror pool.
08:54But we found a rare relic from the Renaissance.
08:58Oh, look at this.
09:00Oh, it's very cobbly.
09:02It's cobbly. Stand up.
09:04No, no, no, I want to put my nappy through its paces.
09:09That's nice, isn't it?
09:11Yeah, that's amazing.
09:13Oh!
09:14Did I stop too suddenly? Yeah.
09:16Oh, yeah. Whoo! Shall we go and have a look at it?
09:18Let's go and have a look at this, yeah.
09:23The Port de Cail,
09:25a little-known chapter in Bordeaux's history.
09:28I wonder what that is, then.
09:30Well, presumably there were walls around Bordeaux.
09:33I assume.
09:34Well, there's no point in having a gate
09:36if you can just go round the side of it.
09:38No. That's badly thought through.
09:40Yeah, you're right.
09:41So I assume this is one of the remaining gates in what were city walls.
09:45Yeah.
09:46The Porte Cail was built in 1494
09:49to celebrate King Charles VIII's victory over the Italians.
09:53Who doesn't remember that?
09:55The magnificent structure was the main entrance to Bordeaux from the river,
10:00as well as surviving pieces of the city's medieval fortifications.
10:06There's also this thing here that I noticed as you come here.
10:09I just think this is slightly dangerous.
10:11What? There's a door.
10:13Health and safety demands that they block that off.
10:16Yeah. Don't you think?
10:18I'm genuinely worried about the height of your saddle.
10:21Are you?
10:22Because at the moment, you are like a man on a child's bike.
10:25You're essentially riding from that sort of position.
10:29This is for my benefit. This is for your benefit.
10:31So you can tinker with my bike.
10:33This is going to take no time.
10:34Go ahead. Enjoy yourself.
10:36Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's how you do it.
10:38I know that's how you do it.
10:40Well, that's really high to me.
10:44I don't feel like I can even get on it with ease now.
10:48Do you see my problem?
10:49Do you see my problem?
10:50Yeah, but look.
10:51Just go forward over the saddle, you great buffoon.
10:54Just slip forward. Don't start sitting.
10:57I'm just going to ride.
10:58Okay, here we go.
10:59Yeah, off you go.
11:01Do you see that? It's right, isn't it?
11:03My feet can't reach the bottom of the cycle.
11:08You're such a natural cyclist.
11:10And French people are going to die as a result of this
11:13because I'm not in control.
11:16Come on.
11:17How are you going to get off?
11:19Just go forward now.
11:22You see, that's better. Better?
11:23No.
11:24Can you split the difference?
11:26Hang on.
11:27Wait a second, everyone.
11:30Just see how that is.
11:33Yeah, that's all right.
11:35I'll take that.
11:38So the first one was too low.
11:39The second one was too high.
11:41So are you happy with that, Goldilocks?
11:42This is just right.
11:44Perfect.
11:45Let's go.
11:46Yeah.
11:47It's more princess than the pea, isn't it?
11:48No.
11:49Oh, okay.
11:51Okay, try not to crash into me.
11:53Yeah.
11:55It's going to get really cobbly again.
11:58Just a few short minutes from Bordeaux's medieval past...
12:01Where are you going, David?
12:03This way.
12:04...is its very popular and busy 18th century waterfront.
12:08This is nice.
12:10A lot of people here.
12:13Renovated in the 1990s,
12:15it's now the largest urban UNESCO World Heritage Site.
12:20Well, it's nice to see people out on a Sunday afternoon.
12:24Shall we go down here?
12:25Yeah, well, I think we have to.
12:27More cobbles.
12:29Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, cobbly.
12:32Oh!
12:33Do you know what this is making me do?
12:35He wants to go to the toilet.
12:37It's shaking my bladder.
12:38Yeah.
12:41Oh, toilette.
12:42Are you going to go?
12:43Of course I'm going to go.
12:44You want to go?
12:45Toilette, toilette.
12:50Do you need to go?
12:51No.
12:52Shall I hold your bike and you go?
12:53You hold my bike.
12:54All right.
12:55I might need a euro, mightn't I?
12:57That's not a euphemism.
13:02Oh, God, no, I can't go in there.
13:06Oh, I can't go in there.
13:09That's terrible.
13:11It's impossible.
13:12I mean, I literally caught just a tiny, tiny bit of it.
13:16And it was too damaging.
13:22This up here is a magnificent square.
13:25OK.
13:26This is a nice monument.
13:30Place du King Kong.
13:32Not King Kong, is it?
13:33It's not King Kong.
13:34No.
13:35The square of the Royal Chateau Trompette
13:37sculpted a grandiose monument of pure Third Republic...
13:41Do you want to go?
13:42Revolutionary.
13:44The Place du King Kong was built in 1820
13:47and is one of the largest public squares in Europe.
13:51Its 31 acres hosts spectacles all year round,
13:55from fun fairs to sporting events.
13:59But the marble sculptures and column are a memorial to locals
14:03executed during the French Revolution in the 18th century.
14:08There's something I must point out about this monument,
14:12about this monument that you've never seen.
14:14No, all monuments like this is,
14:17what on earth is the connection between freedom and revolution
14:21and naked women?
14:23Why are there naked women on these monuments?
14:26For no reason except this was made by a bloke.
14:29Let's be honest.
14:30I think they're all saying, why are we naked?
14:32What are we doing here naked?
14:34It's freezing, it's warm now, but it's freezing in winter.
14:36Yeah.
14:37What's the point?
14:38It's ridiculous.
14:42Oh!
14:47So that's the end of the day.
14:49There's no more cycling.
14:51Are you all right? Good day?
14:53Lovely. It was a lovely day, apart from the toilet.
14:57That was a bad moment.
14:58Yeah.
14:59There'll be other toilets, don't worry.
15:01Tomorrow morning, I don't know if you know this about Bordeaux,
15:04but people eat seafood in the morning.
15:06Are you up for that?
15:07I'm sort of up for it.
15:10You know, I'm a cereal and taste man, really,
15:13but occasionally I'll scramble an egg.
15:15Expand your breakfast horizons with me.
15:18Yeah.
15:19Are you all right with oysters for breakfast?
15:21I'm all right with oysters at any time of the day.
15:31Beautiful city, this.
15:32Lovely.
15:33Very nice.
15:34You know, there are people watching us,
15:36and I think they think that we're really like amazing cyclists.
15:41Yeah.
15:42Like stunt cyclists.
15:44They're wondering why you're wearing a winter coat.
15:47That's why they're looking at us.
15:48They're not.
15:49No-one is wondering that.
15:54David Baddiel and I are exploring Bordeaux
15:56on the second day of our two-week cycling trip
15:59across southern France.
16:01And first up, we're looking for breakfast.
16:04Rue du Capucin is the city's largest food market
16:08and opened its doors in 1749.
16:13Today, it's got 65 stalls,
16:15serving everything from melons to Merlot.
16:19The market feeds so many people, it's known as the belly of Bordeaux.
16:26I love the market.
16:27I love the market.
16:29I like a food market in Europe, or anywhere, really.
16:33The veg always looks much nicer, doesn't it?
16:35Yeah, definitely.
16:37I'm smelling seafood, and I think we should go that way for it.
16:43Bordeaux locals tuck into seafood earlier than most,
16:46either as a pick-me-up from the night before
16:49or a treat after a morning grocery run.
16:54Chez Jean Mi is a Bordeaux institution,
16:57famous for its fresh oysters from the Atlantic coast.
17:04Hello. Hello. Do you speak English?
17:06Yeah, just a little bit, yeah. Little bit.
17:08OK, so we're thinking of having, as is custom here,
17:10a big seafood breakfast. Yeah.
17:12What's the difference between the big oysters and the little oysters?
17:15The age of the oyster. The age?
17:17They're older, they're more grown up.
17:19They're more grown up? You want the young oyster.
17:21Is the young oyster better? Yeah. Is that better? Yeah.
17:24All right, we'll have one of those big plates. OK.
17:27For two persons. For two persons, yeah, it's nice.
17:29Yeah, beautiful. Do you want some wine?
17:31No, not for breakfast. I thought you might want some wine.
17:34No, no. OK. People are having wine for breakfast.
17:37Look, this bloke, he's having wine. I'm resisting.
17:40All right. Lovely. Have a seat and come. Thank you.
17:53I do find it a bit odd, the thought of eating fish for breakfast.
17:57Specifically oysters, you said.
17:59Well, oysters, I've never... I can't really see the point of eating an oyster.
18:03Bon appétit. Merci.
18:05I like this. I like the fact they give you a big, proper bucket.
18:09Yeah.
18:11You've always got to put it on your head.
18:14It actually does look good. You've got to put it on your head.
18:16That looks good. You look weirdly...
18:18Like someone got Tommy Cooper quite wrong.
18:21Right, here we go. Glasses off.
18:23Right, I'm going in for the oyster. Yeah.
18:27Tell you what, I'm struggling with this thing a bit. Is that nice?
18:30It's nice. That is pretty seawatery.
18:33I can't convince you to have an oyster.
18:35You really can't convince me to have an oyster.
18:37Crab's nice, though. No. Crab, yeah.
18:40You're going at an amazing pace. Can I say that?
18:43I do. You know I do that.
18:45I eat very fast.
18:50Is the crab going to be difficult to eat?
18:52You've got to use these.
18:54Oh, Lord. Crab crackers.
18:56Why do you have to do it yourself?
18:58It's fun. It's not fun.
19:00Look, look. How is this fun?
19:02Hang on.
19:04Oh, you see, I've got a bit of crab in my eye.
19:07Crab in my eye.
19:09I think you're going for the wrong side of the crab.
19:11No, no, I just... There you go. Well done.
19:13How did you do that?
19:15Well, you don't put it in that way round.
19:17You're stronger than me. That's the key element.
19:19Are you going to have a snail? No, I'm not, no.
19:21You're not going to eat any of it apart from the prawns.
19:23I'm eating all this lot and I've had some crab.
19:25I actually quite like the snails.
19:27I'm seeing you're quite liking all of it.
19:29I'm on the bread now.
19:31Are we on the bread? That seems more breakfast-y.
19:33What would you prefer for breakfast?
19:36I'd like a bowl of yoghurt.
19:41So are you.
19:43I'll tell you what you are.
19:45Distinctive.
19:47No, you're sort of, er,
19:49bloke in a sketch, handsome.
19:52Do you know what I mean?
19:54You're going to have a lot of, a big career
19:56as second actor in a period film.
20:00Second actor? Yeah.
20:02Because first actor would be, like, you know, Ralph Fiennes.
20:04Oh, OK.
20:06And you'd be his mate who got shot.
20:09Oh, OK. You did get shot, didn't you, in a Bond film?
20:12Shot in the head in a Bond film. Yeah.
20:14How was your dying acting?
20:16One of the finest moments of my career.
20:19After I'd done the dying and I get shot in the head
20:22and I collapse, the incredibly poor French stunt coordinator...
20:27Yeah. ..walked past me.
20:29Didn't really look at me, but sort of did.
20:31He tapped me on the shoulder and he went,
20:33good death.
20:35That's fantastic. That's great.
20:37That is fantastic. That was proper.
20:39Can you show me now? What, now?
20:41Yeah, here we go. Because I'm sitting...
20:43Doesn't matter, have a go.
20:45There you go.
20:48It's not as bad as that.
20:50I thought you were going to do quite a lot of my acting.
20:53Here's my life-going acting.
20:55I got shot in the head, you just switch off.
20:57That, but you're nothing now.
20:59This is what you did, do it to me.
21:02Yeah, well, I think that's... What's good about that?
21:04Why did you get the coating?
21:06I think that was actually quite good, what you did.
21:08Was it? Yeah. All right.
21:11Who's going to pay the bill?
21:13I think you ate the most. I did eat the most.
21:15We'll accept an oyster cut.
21:20Always thinking, always thinking.
21:22Come on.
21:32Get on the bikes. Yep.
21:34Time to burn off the oysters. Burn off the oysters.
21:41We're heading out of Bordeaux
21:43on a 30-mile cycle path,
21:45making our way towards our next destination,
21:48the Chateau Toulouse-Lautrec.
21:54Something you may not know about yourself,
21:56with your arms stretched out like that,
21:58your elbows are very wrinkly. Yeah.
22:00It felt to me like, oh, God, there's a 90-year-old man
22:02cycling in front of me, just from his elbows.
22:04Thank you. I suppose it happens.
22:06I mean, it hadn't actually occurred to me,
22:08and I'm a little bit shocked by it. Yeah.
22:10You look young for your age. We never...
22:13We're never, ever going to see your elbows,
22:15cos you're dressed for the Arctic.
22:18Yeah, well, that's cos my elbows are extremely aged.
22:22They are aged like a very bad wife.
22:33So, I think we're here. That's the cycle path.
22:36Yeah. Peace cyclable. Beautiful accent.
22:38Thank you. We're there, outside Sidirac.
22:41Do you mean Sadirac? Yeah, I mean Sadirac.
22:43You've got the A and the I the wrong way round.
22:45Yeah. And we're going... Oh, hello.
22:47Look, a proper cyclist, Dave.
22:49Can you notice that none of them are wearing winter clothing?
22:52They're wrong.
22:53We're going this direction, towards Chateau Toulouse-Lautrec.
22:56So, essentially, you've made me stop by a map
22:59on which you've shown me a line which says cycle path.
23:02Yeah. Which we knew anyway.
23:04Yeah, but just in case you were worried
23:06that we weren't cycling on a path.
23:08This whole thing, you're treating me like I don't understand maps.
23:12Shall we carry on cycling on a path?
23:14I think we should, yeah. Yeah, OK.
23:18I've got to do this for another 12 days.
23:32Are you going for it?
23:34No, I'm just pedalling normally.
23:38Well, we're going slightly downhill now, I think.
23:41What, in our careers?
23:43Yeah, well, that's been true for years.
23:47David Baddiel and I are on day two of our two-week trip
23:50across southern France.
23:53Look at this. This is French countryside, isn't it?
23:57Don't go too fast. Why?
23:59I'm trying to talk to you. Well, I can still talk to you.
24:01You just have to keep up. You're on an electric bike.
24:04Anyway, we're here.
24:09Oh, you show-off. Look at you.
24:14That's no effort at all, is it? No.
24:18I haven't quite got used to the gears on this thing.
24:21What you want is one button that makes you go faster.
24:25That's my gearing.
24:29We've headed 20 miles east of Bordeaux.
24:32We're cycling up to the Chateau Toulouse-Lautrec,
24:35a family home of the famous 19th-century artist.
24:39Built in the 18th century, it covers 40,000 square feet
24:43with three floors and 11 bedrooms.
24:46Seems a bit excessive.
24:49I always like these little turrets on French buildings.
24:52Yeah, it's very French. I quite fancy a turret.
24:56The Lautrec family bought it in 1883 for the artist's mother.
25:02And Toulouse-Lautrec was a surname, wasn't it?
25:05He was something, Toulouse-Lautrec.
25:07Was he? It wasn't called Toulouse, I don't think.
25:11Geoff. Geoff. That's right.
25:15Henri. Told you so.
25:17Nice. Nice house. Lovely.
25:19I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to use the toilet, if it's available.
25:23Hello. Hello. Nice to meet you.
25:25Hello, Henri. Nice to meet you.
25:27I'm David. How nice to meet you.
25:29Welcome to the famous family house of the painter Henri Toulouse-Lautrec.
25:33When he was not in Paris, he was here alongside his mother.
25:37Do you want to see where he lived?
25:39Please, yeah. After you. Please, follow me.
25:45Toulouse-Lautrec died aged 36,
25:48but in his short career, he created over 700 paintings
25:52and 350 illustrations for Parisian nightclubs
25:57and literary magazines or reviews.
26:00Welcome to the originals room at the château.
26:04So you have original sketches and lithographs, like this one,
26:09of La Revue Blanche, which is famous.
26:12Do you know this? No, the White Review.
26:15That is brilliant. The White Review.
26:17Thank you. Thank you. I speak it like a native.
26:20This is a very famous Parisian review.
26:23It has been painted with crushed technique, you know, like little points.
26:28One of his famous techniques, and you can see it on a lot of sketches.
26:32And that's just a brush? The brush, yeah, with a toothbrush.
26:36It's good.
26:38Toulouse-Lautrec pioneered printmaking techniques
26:41with designs inspired by Japanese woodcuts.
26:45He turned poster-making into a recognised fine art.
26:50So we had a print like this in our house in the 1970s.
26:53I think we might have also had that one.
26:55Jean-Abril Jardin de Paris.
26:57Very famous dancer that always was in the plate.
26:59He was really popular in Britain in the 70s with people like my parents.
27:03How did he become someone who was using art in a commercial way like this?
27:08Was he employed by the Moulin Rouge? Yes.
27:11He actually collaborated with the Moulin Rouge
27:13because he really liked the place
27:15and he really liked painting some dancers.
27:18Did that provide him with an income? Yes.
27:21So he kind of lived off posters, essentially? Yes.
27:26Lautrec's work drew hugely on Parisian nightlife.
27:30But this chateau also inspired him.
27:34He painted a famous oil portrait right here.
27:39So here is the living room of the chateau.
27:43And you can see a portrait of the mother of Henri Toulouse-Lautrec.
27:48And this is a very creative place for him.
27:51Very, very obedient mother to sit still for that long.
27:55Yes, exactly.
27:56It looks to me like she was sitting right here.
27:59Yes. That's what it looks to me, I think.
28:01Except the chair was the other way round. Yes.
28:03It was sitting here.
28:05Where's the painter?
28:07The painter's here. OK. All right.
28:09Look here. Yeah.
28:11Fireplace thing. Fireplace is there.
28:14No, the painter can't be here because she's in profile.
28:17So the painter's not in profile.
28:19He's going that way. This chair is going this way.
28:23That way. So they've got to look like that, right?
28:26So you've got that window in the background and you're looking at the fireplace.
28:29I think both options... The painter's here.
28:31Yes. I think we've sorted it.
28:37I think it was a rather good day. It was very good.
28:40Thank you. Yes. Fantastic museum.
28:42Thank you for showing us around. You're welcome.
28:44It was a pleasure for me.
28:46Ready? Yep. Off you go.
28:54For our third day, we're joining the Garonne Canal,
28:58which stretches over 100 miles from Bordeaux to the city of Toulouse.
29:03Today, we're pedalling along the towpath,
29:06heading for the medieval village of Meillons-sur-Garonne.
29:13When I first met you, I think you should have looked like you did now.
29:16You should have looked the same.
29:18But what you've done, you've done something, which is you've grown a beard.
29:21Yeah. Now, you also said yesterday that your face was very square
29:24and kind of chiselled. Yeah, really square.
29:26You know what that means? You don't need a beard.
29:28I need a beard. Do you know why?
29:30Because I grow a beard within 15 seconds of waking up.
29:33Yeah. So you don't really need a beard.
29:35I never really liked shaving very much
29:37and I just wanted to see what I looked like with a beard.
29:40Now, you've always been really hairy.
29:42Well, not when I was four.
29:44No, but once you'd gone through puberty, did you start being hairy?
29:48Yeah, I've always been pretty hairy.
29:50I've got a hairy chest, I've got a hairy arse and I've got a hairy face.
29:54And my dad was immensely hairier,
29:56although he was bald by the age of, like, 26.
29:59Was he? Yeah, but I always thought that's because he was so hairy
30:02they had to get some of that hair from somewhere else.
30:05His head. Do you have hairy nostrils?
30:07I mean, I've never noticed. Not as much as my dad.
30:09Ears, hairy ears.
30:11I shave my ears. Do you shave your ears?
30:13Well, not with a razor.
30:15I give them a quick sort of prune every now and again, yeah.
30:18Have you ever had a Turkish barber burn off your ear hair?
30:22No, but I have tried it myself.
30:24Have you? Yeah.
30:25Oh, God, that sounds really dangerous.
30:27Yeah, you just give a sort of... What, with a match or a lighter?
30:30Yeah, with a match. Do they do it with an actual flame
30:32or do they just do it with the end of a hot thing?
30:34Perhaps with, like, one of those things that you cook creme brulee with.
30:37I've got one of them. It's a small flamethrower in my kitchen.
30:40I'll do it for you if you want.
30:42I'm very happy to fire a flamethrower into it, are you?
30:44Yeah, OK.
30:45Do you want to know about the history of the canal? Yeah.
30:48I mean, I'd like to talk about your hair a bit more,
30:50but we'll park it for the minute. Yeah, OK.
30:53So we're now on the Garonne Canal. Right.
30:56And this is sort of like the Suez Canal
30:59because it links the Atlantic and the Mediterranean.
31:02Does it? So this was the sort of shortcut.
31:05If you didn't come along here,
31:07you had to go round and through the Straits of Gibraltar.
31:10How does global trade come through here?
31:13Well, it doesn't now, but it did.
31:15I mean, look at that bridge, right?
31:17There's no way a big ship with trading cargo for the Far East
31:20is going to get under there.
31:22No, but you unload it, don't you? What, for every bridge?
31:25No, you unload it in Bordeaux from the big boat
31:28and put it on a series of little narrow...
31:30A series of little boats, all right.
31:32That's really... A's really interesting. I didn't know that.
31:35Well, I'll be honest with you, I only read that this morning.
31:39Yeah, I had a sense of that. Yeah.
31:42Opened in 1856, the Garonne Canal connected the Atlantic
31:46with an existing waterway through to the Mediterranean.
31:5238-metre-long barges carried goods from sea to sea.
31:58At its peak, over 100,000 tonnes of cargo
32:01were moved along the canal every year.
32:06This is a bit of a hill coming up.
32:08OK, I'll decide when, or indeed if, to put my turbo power on.
32:14OK.
32:16I'm OK for the minute. I don't have that choice.
32:19No? Well, think of your turbo power as in your legs.
32:22Yeah.
32:24Well, yeah, I've pressed the button.
32:28Is that annoying? No, no.
32:30It's really easy. It's not annoying.
32:32It's not annoying, cos this is quite easy, isn't it? Look.
32:35Hang on, I'm going to take the band off. OK.
32:37I've got a bit of momentum, so it's not that difficult.
32:42OK, this is quite hard.
32:44Come on, David. I'm trying not to press the button.
32:47OK.
32:52Right, I've pressed the button.
32:58I mean, in a way, this is life, you see. No.
33:01Why make it harder for yourself when it's there?
33:04Cos it makes you fitter.
33:06I know, but it also makes me think I'm going to die.
33:14Oh, it's like For Whom The Bell Tolls.
33:21Argh!
33:23Whoa, that was quite hard.
33:27The gears on this thing...
33:29Look at them. They're slipping.
33:32You're doing a great job. That's better.
33:34On an unfamiliar bike.
33:36I think you have to fiddle with it.
33:38What about the bike?
33:40Oh, hey!
33:42Worth saying.
33:45It is lovely. Yeah, it's beautiful.
33:47What a lovely village.
33:49I love a hilltop village.
33:51We're now 50 miles east of Bordeaux,
33:54the town of Meillons-sur-Garonne sits 40 metres above the canal.
34:00A rather handsome church is perched at the very top.
34:04But we're here to see its unique view over the whole Garonne Valley.
34:11There we are.
34:13It's beautiful there, isn't it? Lovely. It's beautiful. Very beautiful.
34:16I mean, it's amazing, the view.
34:18This is the river. That's the river.
34:21The canal's here. Look, the canal's there.
34:23Oh, right, there's a canal down there.
34:25Yeah, we've been cycling next to the canal.
34:27You've just stopped cycling on the canal.
34:29We're going to stop here for lunch now.
34:31Oh, are we? Let's go for lunch.
34:33Why are you wheeling your bike? You can pedal it.
34:35Yeah, I don't care.
34:37I've done enough pedalling for a day.
34:39Look. What? Food. Fantastic.
34:43Hello. Hello. Bonjour.
34:45Hi, I'm David.
34:47Adam. Adam. Hello, Adam.
34:49How are you? Hello.
34:51What do you have?
34:53Cuisine syrie. Syrian?
34:55Yeah. This looks very nice.
34:57Your stomach's going... Yeah, I want to eat most of it.
35:00Now, any food.
35:02That's chicken shawarma, is it? Shawarma?
35:04No, this is shawarma.
35:06Shawarma with chicken.
35:08That's alaia.
35:10With a cornichon, a pickle.
35:13This is delish.
35:15Adam came to France from Syria in 2013.
35:18He set up his food stall in Meillon-sur-Garon
35:21this summer for tourists and locals.
35:23His traditional Syrian food
35:25includes herbed rice wrapped in vine leaves,
35:28in kibbeh, spiced beef stuffed in fried bulgur wheat.
35:33But his chicken kebab wraps come with a French twist.
35:36Each one is garnished with pickled gherkins,
35:39or cornichon, as they're known here.
35:43Do the French people like it? Yeah, the French people...
35:46They like Syrian food? Yeah.
35:48OK, I'll have some of that and some of that.
35:51I will have a sandwich and I will also have some hummus
35:54and flatbread.
35:56We'll share some hummus and pita bread as well.
35:59Why don't I have my own? No, no, we're sharing.
36:02We're sharing.
36:08You're going to eat in a minute.
36:10That's nice.
36:12So when I ordered the pita and the hummus,
36:14you couldn't just let me have that.
36:16You had to go, we'll share that, but there's only enough...
36:19I wanted a hummus and pita.
36:21Hello. Thank you.
36:23This shawarma. Thank you, Adam.
36:25Extra sauce. Extra sauce.
36:27Hummus. Wow.
36:29You're a very kind man. Thank you.
36:31Thank you very much. This looks delicious.
36:34What's it like? Very nice.
36:36Mm. You feeling a bit better?
36:38Yeah. That's better.
36:40I'll grab some hummus.
36:42I live on hummus, pretty much.
36:44I love hummus.
36:47Look at that. That looks very good.
36:51We must not double dip here, though.
36:53No. What do you think?
36:55No. Double dipping hummus...
36:57Well, it's kind of difficult for you not to double dip.
36:59I'm just going to eat this now. Are you?
37:01I'm going to eat a dip with that.
37:04Nice? Yeah, well, it's double dipping, isn't it?
37:07Well, it's single dipping, but with your saliva on the end of it.
37:10Yeah, that's no good. That's no good at all.
37:12No.
37:14Mm.
37:16Can I ask for some more of my own hummus?
37:19Adam, could we have one more hummus?
37:22One more hummus. One more hummus?
37:24Yeah. OK. Thank you.
37:26Oh, look at that.
37:28Thank you. Here we come.
37:31That's got us out of a problem. Yeah.
37:35How long after breakfast do you start thinking about lunch?
37:39Mm, 45 minutes. Yeah.
37:43Sometimes when I'm eating breakfast.
37:55Well, we ought to get back to the canal, probably.
37:57Yeah, before we go, when we were in Bordeaux,
37:59you did a thing, which was to put up my saddle.
38:02And thus, before we go, I'm going to make your saddle too high for you.
38:06Do you know how to make the saddle higher?
38:08I'm just going to guess about how I do that.
38:10I've got a tool. Right, hang on. OK.
38:12Now... Is that as high as it goes?
38:14I don't know. But that...
38:16That's pretty high. That is... Yeah.
38:18So I'd say that was impossibly high. OK.
38:20I've got to work out how to get on it.
38:22It's pretty high.
38:24I actually haven't got... I'll get my bike out of the way.
38:26You've got to do that. It's easy.
38:28Well, I can't sit on it before I go, so...
38:30No, no, you can't do that. You can't.
38:32You've got to sit on the seat.
38:34I can't sit on the seat before I go.
38:36OK, but at some point, for this to be a sort of Olympic sport...
38:39Yeah, I know. ..you have to sit on the seat a bit.
38:41I'm going to sit on the seat. All right.
38:43I just can't now, because the bike will fall over.
38:45OK. OK?
38:47Yeah, off you go. I feel there should be music.
38:51Look, he's doing it, he's doing it.
38:53I don't think it's really made much difference.
38:55His legs are so long.
38:57For this to actually work,
38:59I might have to shorten your legs a bit.
39:01If I try to get on this... Yeah.
39:03..hold that a minute. I mean, I don't know if I should.
39:05No, you're fine. Have you got a step like that?
39:07Your leg over here.
39:09Just lift that leg now.
39:11Tip it that way.
39:15OK, OK, right. Now you're fine.
39:17Now what?
39:19Well, now you ride it, or you sit on it, and I'll hold it.
39:21You're going to hold the bike? I'm going to hold the bike, yeah.
39:23I'm quite frightened. No, no, you're fine.
39:25Oh, my God, I'm so high up.
39:27This is ridiculous. I've never been this high up.
39:29I'm on stilts.
39:31Oh, God. Are you on?
39:33Yeah, but I really don't want to ride it.
39:35I think that might be the end of the programme.
39:37Stand on the floor. Stand on the floor?
39:39Yeah.
39:41Oh, God.
39:43Thank God for the padding.
39:45There you go.
39:49Let's go. Yeah.
39:51You know how you told me you were a natural athlete?
39:53Yeah, I meant a natural idiot.
39:55I think I've just done the quad.
39:57So we're going back down
39:59to the canal and the river now, I think.
40:01Yeah, and then to the hospital.
40:03Come on.
40:13It's our third day cycling,
40:15and we're on the home stretch of this section.
40:17We're heading eight miles
40:19from Meillon-sur-Garonne
40:21to the canal port of Pont des Sables.
40:23So outnumbered, right?
40:25Yeah.
40:27It's improvised.
40:29The kids were improvised.
40:31Oh, you weren't improvised?
40:33Well, we were told to learn the script,
40:35but not very well.
40:37Oh, really?
40:39Which is exactly what I would have done.
40:41It was really just to make sure
40:43that kids sounded like kids.
40:45So they didn't have any lines?
40:47No, not really.
40:49That's sort of amazing.
40:51I'm cold.
40:53And yesterday I was hot.
40:55Yeah, I'm a bit cold today.
40:57Can we just stop for a minute? I've got my jacket.
41:03It is a weird thing
41:05that when you're young,
41:07you kind of can't wait to be older,
41:09can you? That's true.
41:11And your parents can't wait for you to get older.
41:13But I think that also as parents,
41:15you quite quickly
41:17slightly fear your kids
41:19getting older as well, because it means
41:21they're going to disappear.
41:23I'm very, very good friends
41:25with my children.
41:27Like now, my son has got a girlfriend
41:29and it turns out that
41:31having a girlfriend has greater power
41:33than hanging out with me,
41:35even if he's my mate.
41:37I'm thinking, hang on a sec, where's my mate gone?
41:39I'm bereft.
41:43Over the bridge? Oh, OK.
41:45Over the bridge.
41:49In my life in general,
41:51I think I've come quite close to being dead,
41:53quite a lot, and somehow or other not.
41:55Well, in what other circumstances?
41:57Loads of other circumstances.
41:59When I was about 15,
42:01I just stepped out to the road without checking both directions
42:03and a car broke to a halt
42:05and knocked me over,
42:07just, like, if I stepped out
42:09seconds before, I would definitely be dead.
42:11Yeah.
42:13I used to scuba dive quite a lot, and when I got out,
42:15the bloke said, did you see that fish?
42:17I said, no. He said, oh, God, it came really close to you
42:19and it's really poisonous.
42:21I mean, a lot of that sort of thing.
42:23Has it stopped now? It hasn't happened for a while?
42:25Well, the nearly dead? Yeah, the nearly dead thing.
42:27It hasn't happened for a while, but what's happened instead
42:29is I've got near death.
42:31Just naturally.
42:33Yeah.
42:35I don't feel near death at all.
42:37You don't feel it, but you are.
42:39Yeah.
42:41I can't see you being plagued by it.
42:43No, I'm not bothered about it.
42:45Also, I noticed when you talk about your mum and dad,
42:47you often say, well, they just died of old age.
42:49Yeah, they did, but I think that's very unnew.
42:51They died incredibly gracefully.
42:53Yes. Well, I think you probably will as well.
42:55Whereas I will be absolutely
42:57screaming against the dying of the light.
42:59Very unhappy.
43:01I'm very unhappy about the whole death thing.
43:03Really would prefer it not to be a thing.
43:05Would you, though?
43:07Yeah.
43:09You want to live forever?
43:11Not forever, but really a lot longer than I'm going to.
43:13Yeah.
43:15I really like life.
43:17It's really great.
43:19My mum,
43:21who I sort of greatly loved and admired,
43:23occasionally, if she looked at her hand
43:25and there was something on her hand
43:27that hadn't been there before,
43:29like a vein had risen, something like that,
43:31she wouldn't go, oh!
43:33She just went,
43:35oh, that's interesting.
43:37I wasn't expecting that to happen.
43:39Right.
43:41But there doesn't seem to be much point in railing against it.
43:43No, there's no point in it.
43:45You can't do anything about it.
43:47It's immature, it's useless.
43:49No, there's no point, you can't do anything about it.
43:51But I'm with Dylan Thomas.
43:53You're with me, mate.
43:55You're with me, we're cycling along the table.
43:57I know, but emotionally, I'm with Dylan Thomas
43:59about raging against the dying of the light.
44:01I don't think I've ever raged against anything.
44:03I think that's one of the things...
44:05Well, I don't rage against much, I'm incredibly unangry.
44:07But...
44:09I just prefer to live
44:11till I was about 270.
44:13Ah.
44:17After travelling 80 miles from the coast,
44:19we've arrived at our final stop for today,
44:21Pont des Sables.
44:25Meaning Bridge of the Sands,
44:27the town was formerly a rest point
44:29for canal barges.
44:31Now it's an overnight stop for tourists
44:33boating along the Garonne Canal.
44:37Is that a cafe up there, can you see that?
44:39Yes, it's time for a snack.
44:41Or a boisson.
44:43I'm going to have a beer,
44:45but I'm also a bit cold, so I might have a...
44:47It's that weird to have a hot chocolate.
44:49And a beer? And a beer.
44:51Are you going to mix them together?
44:53No, I'm just going to have them one after the other.
44:55I would think of the beer
44:57as savoury and the chocolate as pudding.
45:01Yeah.
45:07So Orthodox Jews are not allowed to eat milk after meat.
45:09Yeah.
45:11And that was a problem for me when I was young
45:13and I went to an Orthodox Jewish primary school
45:15because it meant that the puddings were all disgusting.
45:17They would make custard with water.
45:19No, that's not... They did.
45:21And in order to make that more appealing to young children,
45:23they would dye it blue.
45:25It was terrible. Blue custard.
45:27And I was telling Dolly, my daughter, this,
45:29and she said,
45:31poor Daddy had to have the kosher custard.
45:33And I felt I might have that on my gravestone.
45:35Do you know what I'm going to have on my gravestone?
45:37I've often thought I will have...
45:39Because this is basically what happens.
45:41You go, here lies the body of...
45:43Oh, you know.
45:45Isn't that the thing with the kids?
45:47That would be funny.
45:49Yeah. Weren't those kids fantastic?
45:51Yeah. We're a quarter of the way through now, pretty much.
45:53Yeah.
45:55Do you think you'll make another three quarters?
45:57What's going to happen if I don't?
45:59It leaves you somewhere.
46:01I would do the rest of the other three quarters.
46:03I wouldn't want you to know that. I'd leave you, yeah.
46:05OK. I think if you'd have it with a few oysters, I'd be fine.
46:09Yeah. I'll tell you what I am slightly worried about.
46:11There's tricky little bits where there's narrow openings
46:15and roads and other cyclists.
46:17I hadn't thought about any of that.
46:19I'll look after you. You'll be all right.
46:21You just said you wouldn't.
46:23You literally just said, I'd leave you.
46:25I know you can look after yourself.
46:27I think.
46:55Yeah.