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00:30Papa didn't come home yet, huh?
00:32No.
00:33You know how busy barbershops are on Saturday.
00:35He probably had to wait his turn.
00:37Why don't you leave his lunch on the table?
00:39I did already.
00:40Cold cuts.
00:41All right, Rosalie.
00:42Put on your tarpaulin.
00:43Let's go.
00:44Ma, do I have to go?
00:46Yes, you have to go.
00:47You have to help me.
00:48This is not the Bronx where I can be delivered.
00:50Please.
00:52Tell Samely to get a car out of the garage.
00:55I'll take care of it.
00:57Tell Samely to get a car out of the garage.
01:00Let me see what I need now.
01:02If I marked everything pickles,
01:04I marked pillowcases,
01:08and toothpaste I have to put down.
01:11That Uncle David mowing the lawn?
01:13He is.
01:15He never gives the grass a chance to grow.
01:17Who mows the lawn every day?
01:20See who's ringing, yeah?
01:22Yes?
01:23Is the lady of the house in?
01:24Ma, it's for you.
01:25Yes?
01:26Mrs. Goldberger?
01:27Yes?
01:28I'm from the Treasury Book Corporation, Madam.
01:30I have a wonderful...
01:31Well, don't let me interrupt.
01:32I'm sorry, but we already have the book of knowledge from A to Z.
01:35Ah, but this isn't that kind of a book, Madam.
01:38Allow me to show you.
01:39This little treasury book is worth $50 in free merchandise,
01:43and the cost to you is only an insignificant sum of $3.98.
01:48Remarkable.
01:49What kind of merchandise?
01:51Well, let's take a peek into our little treasury book, shall we?
01:54Here we are.
01:55Here we are.
01:56One free shampoo, courtesy of Yvonne's Beauty Salon, worth $1.50.
02:01Free?
02:02Free.
02:03One shoot dry clean, free of charge, courtesy of Lake's Laundry, worth $1.
02:08Also free.
02:10One free admission to the Haverville Drive-In Theater, worth $0.85.
02:14And that's with Cinemascope and Stereophonic Sound.
02:17Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
02:20All the et ceteras are free?
02:22Absolutely free.
02:24$50 worth.
02:26Oh, my.
02:27How can they afford to do such a thing?
02:30Well, it's an advertising campaign, you see.
02:33It's a way of getting the newcomers acquainted with the local merchants.
02:36What you pay merely covers the cost of printing
02:38and our small commission for sponsoring the campaign.
02:42Look, Rosalie, one stimulated wristband, retail value $2.
02:48Wonderful.
02:49Well, I'll take one.
02:50Why not?
02:52Very nice.
02:54$4.
02:56That's two.
02:57$2.
02:58Three.
02:59One.
03:00Four.
03:01Well, thank you, madam.
03:02And here's your $0.02 change.
03:05Thank you very much.
03:07Good day.
03:08Good day.
03:09Good day, young lady.
03:10Good day.
03:13Molly.
03:14Molly here.
03:15David, we're going to town to shop.
03:17If you're going, come.
03:19Look, a pure Italian silk scarf.
03:22And free.
03:24Wait, Molly, Phil will tell you.
03:26It's time to show Mama what I bought.
03:28Look, Ma, it's a treasury book that...
03:30You too?
03:33Like a man with a mustache?
03:35Yes.
03:38Hello, hello, hello.
03:40Hello, Jay, dear.
03:42Hello, darling.
03:43Jay, darling, the day is fleeting and flying,
03:45and I didn't do my marketing yet.
03:47I laid you out on the table cold.
03:49So help yourself, and I have to go.
03:51Molly, the funniest thing happened to me at the barbershop.
03:54You'll leave the story until I return.
03:56Yes, Jay, please?
03:57Look, this is known as a treasury book.
03:59And what is this?
04:01And this also?
04:04A man with a mustache?
04:06Oh, is he a salesman?
04:08$150 worth of merchandise.
04:11Absolutely free.
04:14Is this the Allied Garage?
04:18This is Mr. Goldberg.
04:20I was wondering if I could bring my car in for a greasing.
04:24No, no, I'm not a regular customer.
04:27But I own treasury book coupons,
04:29and I believe you honor those.
04:31Oh, fine.
04:32As soon as my family retains with a car.
04:35Any minute.
04:37Uh-huh.
04:40Why?
04:41Jay, come home!
04:44Oh, am I tired.
04:46If I don't take my feet off.
04:50Oh, you're tired, David, aren't you?
04:52Well, a little, a little tired.
04:54What took you so long, Molly?
04:56Oh, Jay, did we have a wonderful day?
04:58I'll wait and you'll see.
04:59You'll show me later, Rosalie.
05:01The garage is reserving a lift for me.
05:03I'm getting a free grease job from the treasury book.
05:05I'll be back in a minute.
05:07Oh, you don't have to, Pa.
05:08I got a free one for you already.
05:10Oh, you did?
05:11Yeah, and while I was there,
05:12I had the oil changed and a new battery put in.
05:14Also free?
05:15No, but, gee, Pa,
05:16I felt funny just handing the man a coupon and driving off.
05:19And besides, Jake,
05:20the man said your battery was running low
05:21and your oil was clogging.
05:23My oil was not clogging.
05:24It was pretty dirty, Pa.
05:26So what did the free grease job cost?
05:28Uh, $16.50.
05:30$16?
05:31Jay, please.
05:32Well, what kind of a battery was it?
05:33Gold-plated?
05:34No, the battery didn't cost very much, Pa.
05:36But when he had the car up on the lift,
05:37he saw that the tires were wearing,
05:39so he realigned the wheels.
05:40Well, I'll, uh, wash up now.
05:42Sammy.
05:43Sammy, wait a minute.
05:44Oh, look, a free belt.
05:46Very nice.
05:47So what's all this?
05:49Oh, a few things, something, nothing.
05:52So let me see the nothing.
05:54Uh, that, for instance.
05:58Well?
06:00Open it, Rosalie.
06:02You know Rosalie's going to a party, Jake,
06:04and I want it to look nice.
06:05Pa, look, Pa.
06:07It doesn't need any alteration.
06:09Uh-huh.
06:10And, Pa, the free belt was just made for the dress.
06:13Continue.
06:15Well, I didn't have any...
06:17Jake, I made her buy the dress.
06:19How can you walk into a store and get a present
06:21and walk out without buying something?
06:23After all, Jake, you're a businessman, too.
06:25You should understand that.
06:27And they're all your colleagues.
06:29$16.98.
06:31Pa, I got the belt free.
06:33Don't say another word, Rosalie,
06:35before I forget myself.
06:36What's going on here?
06:38Rosalie, go and hang yourself in your closet.
06:42Molly, I want to know...
06:44What's this?
06:45Oh, this is my package.
06:47What is it?
06:48Nails.
06:49Nails?
06:5010 pounds of nails, assorted sizes.
06:53What do we need nails for?
06:55Well, who doesn't need nails in an emergency?
06:58Every house needs nails, Jake.
07:00But so many?
07:01After all, you can't look a gift horse in the face, Jake.
07:04Please, compliments, max hardware.
07:07And the value is $2.
07:11And this?
07:12Oh, this...
07:13Wait, Jake, you'll see.
07:14You'll see what I got here.
07:18An electrical screwdriver.
07:21We have a screwdriver.
07:22But not an electrical, Jake.
07:24Not only is this a screwdriver,
07:26it's also a drill.
07:27And with the attachments,
07:30it's also a sander,
07:33a buffer,
07:35a wax and a polisher.
07:37But the nails were free.
07:39Jake, if you saw that hardware store
07:42and the man who runs it, my age,
07:44standing on his feet from morning till night...
07:47Heart trouble?
07:48Arthritis.
07:49He's a widower?
07:50From a man like that, should I accept a present, Jake?
07:53So what did the free nails cost?
07:561985.
07:58$20?
08:001985 is not $20, Jake.
08:06And besides, it's my present to the house.
08:09David, that's not the point.
08:12Why should you buy something you don't even know how to use?
08:15So online?
08:16And if you learn,
08:17what in this house has to be sanded and drilled?
08:20The fireplace there, the fruit bowl?
08:22David will find something.
08:24Do it yourself as a hobby now anyway.
08:26Here and there, David will find a hole to drill.
08:28It'll pay for itself.
08:30Believe me, Jake.
08:33Well, Molly, now I'm waiting for you.
08:36Well, I'll go make supper now, Jake.
08:39Just a minute, Molly.
08:41Let me see your bargains.
08:43It's not visible to you?
08:45No.
08:46Feel.
08:50So?
08:51So.
08:52You don't feel?
08:53Well, what should it feel like?
08:55Like satin.
08:56I had a facial.
08:58A rejuvenation treatment.
09:00Yvonne's Beauty Saloon.
09:01Value $1.50.
09:03To me, it's the same face.
09:04Not at all, Jake.
09:05Not at all.
09:06They told me I was sagging,
09:08and the mud contracted me.
09:10And the mud cost me how much?
09:12The mud was free, Jake.
09:13I told you.
09:14I know.
09:15You told me what's free.
09:16Now tell me what was not.
09:17Jake, if that's your attitude...
09:18Molly, I want the whole truth.
09:21Jake.
09:22Jake, you above everybody.
09:24You above everybody are aware of my weight problem.
09:27I'm aware.
09:28So while I was sitting under the mud,
09:30Madame Yvonne was analyzing me.
09:32Well, she's also a psychiatrist.
09:34No, she's a masseuse,
09:35and she was analyzing my weight.
09:37And?
09:38Well, it seems, Jake,
09:39that my system absorbs calories
09:42even when I don't eat,
09:43and that dieting is not my problem.
09:46I could diet from today until tomorrow,
09:48and my problem would remain status quo.
09:51See, my problem needs vibrating massages.
09:55And Madame Yvonne vibrated you to the tune of how much?
09:59The introductory offer was $2.
10:01And, Jake, darling, while I was vibrating,
10:04I felt it.
10:05I felt a whole pound was vibrating off me, Jake.
10:08I mean it.
10:09I'll make some.
10:10Just a minute, Molly.
10:11Madame Yvonne let you go with one vibration?
10:14No, it's a whole course, Jake, darling.
10:16It's a course with a diploma and a graduation.
10:19And the course is once a week for a whole year, I suppose.
10:22Exactly, Jake, exactly.
10:24But don't worry.
10:25I only signed up for a half a semester.
10:28Oh, if I ever run into that man with a mustache.
10:32Jake, dear.
10:33Here.
10:34Compliments.
10:35Dills haberdashery.
10:37What is it?
10:38Cufflinks.
10:39Cufflinks?
10:40Who needs cufflinks?
10:41I don't have one shirt with French cuffs.
10:43You have now, Jake.
10:44We bought you a half a dozen.
10:50Jake, take the treasury books off your head already, Nietzsche's droodle.
10:58Drink your coffee, Jake.
11:00Pa, here's your sugar.
11:08What I can't understand about my family is that they should be so gullible.
11:12This is what hurts.
11:13I'll cancel Yvonne's beauty saloon, all right?
11:15No, it's not all right.
11:16It's not the money.
11:17It's the principal.
11:18How can you walk into a store and walk out?
11:20I don't want to hear anymore.
11:22When you bought that book for $3.98, it was a legitimate transaction.
11:27And when you went in to get the free gifts, it was also legitimate.
11:30It was not charity.
11:31Recall the adage, do unto others.
11:34And did they do unto you.
11:36Let's face it, Pa.
11:37It was good sales psychology, and it worked on us.
11:40Sammy, when you do a thing because it's your decision, that's all right.
11:44But when a person makes you think it's your decision, but it's really his.
11:47The electrical screwdriver was my decision, Jake.
11:50Nobody forced me.
11:52Your conscience forced you, David.
11:54And the hardware store knew it.
11:55That's why they gave you the free nails.
11:57Believe me, Jake, you wouldn't be different under the circumstances.
12:01I wouldn't be different?
12:03No, Jake, you wouldn't.
12:05Well, I'll show you how different I would be.
12:08All right, so what's now?
12:09Here.
12:10Here.
12:11Let's see what's left in here.
12:12Free shoe repair, free dry cleaning, free window washing, free portrait.
12:16Oh, free portrait.
12:17One absolutely free portrait from the Acme Photo Studios, value $3, by appointment only.
12:23Call Haverville 2113.
12:26So what are you going to do?
12:28I'm going to call up for an appointment for a free picture.
12:31We'll make it a family picture.
12:33And it'll be one picture and one picture only.
12:47Take your time, Joe.
12:49I haven't got time.
12:51Treasury books?
12:52Treasury books.
12:54You know, I'm sorry I ever started with those things.
12:56I talked to the garage man, the haberdasher man, liquor store, the hardware store.
13:00They're all doing good business with these treasury books.
13:03Me, 100 sittings, 100 free pictures.
13:08No extra prints.
13:10Drink your coffee.
13:13They look like a nice family.
13:15I'm sure they'll want some copies.
13:17Jake, I can't.
13:19You can and you will.
13:21Jake, at least, at least take a copy of one picture so the man can cover his expenses.
13:26Molly, the treasury books said one free picture and one free picture is what we're getting.
13:31Not more, not less.
13:32Jake, we have three treasury books.
13:34I can take a picture with my coupon.
13:36But promise me one thing, David.
13:38Not an extra print.
13:39Promise me one thing, David.
13:40Not an extra print.
13:42Promise.
13:43Jake, with my treasury book, give me the pleasure at least of your portrait.
13:47If you want that pleasure, Molly, you can have it.
13:50Three coupons, three pictures.
13:55Oh, that is a beautiful family group.
13:59Beautiful.
14:00Now, let's see.
14:01Just one minute.
14:03Now, Mr. David, would you sit just a little bit closer to Mrs. Goldberg?
14:07That's fine, that's fine.
14:08Young lady, you stand a little closer to your brother.
14:10Oh, everybody's going to want a copy of this picture.
14:14Bring back, bring back, bring back my children.
14:19Reverse yourself.
14:21Not another word, Molly.
14:23Jake, man is not an island.
14:25Okay, now, folks.
14:27We're going to be ready in just a jiffy.
14:31Then you know what we're going to do?
14:33We're all going to say cheese.
14:36Cheese.
14:37Now, look right here.
14:38Everybody look right here now, please.
14:40Now, get ready.
14:42One, two, cheese.
14:47That's fine, that's fine.
14:49Okay, now, Mr. David, you're next.
14:51If you people would just please sit over there for a minute.
14:54That's fine.
14:58Now, Mr. David, you sit over there.
15:00That's fine.
15:01Now, we're going to take a good picture of you.
15:03You know, it's a funny thing.
15:04But the only orders that I ever got from the treasury books was for family pictures.
15:09Jake, don't be such a psychologist.
15:11Don't push me into a trap, Molly.
15:13I won't fall.
15:14Pa, please.
15:16Rosalie, don't please me.
15:21Okay, Mr. David, I'm ready.
15:24If you're ready, I'm ready also.
15:27Oh, one minute, please.
15:30One minute.
15:36Ready?
15:37That's fine.
15:38Now, Mr. David, that's just fine.
15:40You see, that's a little bit high.
15:42You know, Mr. David, there's nothing like sending a nice photograph to an old friend.
15:48Now, a little cheese, please.
15:50Cheese?
15:51Oh, no, no, no.
15:52Not yet.
15:53Now, you wait till I count.
15:54Now, look right here, please.
15:55Now, you all ready?
15:56Now, one, two, cheese.
15:59That's fine.
16:00I got you.
16:01Now, Mr. Goldberg, you're next.
16:04All right, Mr. Goldberg, sit down.
16:08Sit down.
16:12Don't you think, Mr. Goldberg, facial bones are very interesting?
16:16Oh, yes, indeed, Mrs. Goldberg.
16:19This is a strong face.
16:21It's the face of a businessman, a man of decision.
16:26Yes, once he makes up his mind, he never changes it.
16:29True, only too true.
16:36Jake, he's a fellow human being.
16:39I'm also a fellow human being, not a bank.
16:42All right, now, Mr. Goldberg.
16:44Now, oh, Mrs. Goldberg, would you please, just a minute, please, step over there?
16:48Jake, my parting word.
16:51All right, now, we ready, Mr. Goldberg?
16:53One, two, cheese.
16:57That's fine.
16:58Now, we got it.
16:59That's all fine.
17:01That picture could be a cover on Time magazine.
17:04Well, thank you very much, Mr. Dolan.
17:06Oh, thank you, Mr. Goldberg.
17:07It's a pleasure to do business with you.
17:09Jake.
17:10Don't Jake me, Molly.
17:11Jake.
17:12Don't Jake me, David.
17:13Papa, darling, only one coffee.
17:16Please, Pa.
17:19Here you are, sir.
17:21In my address you have.
17:22You'll send me one of each.
17:25Yes, yes, of course, of course.
17:27One free copy of each.
17:29And how many extra copies, huh?
17:30One dozen, two dozen?
17:32You'll send me one of each.
17:34Jake, may I consult with you a moment?
17:36We'll consult on the way home, Molly.
17:39No copies, Mr. Dolan.
17:41One per treasury book coupon, period.
17:44Period.
17:45Well, come, Molly.
17:50Bye.
17:52Bye.
17:54Bye.
17:57It'll be a wonderful picture.
17:59Look at Mama.
18:01She came out great.
18:02And Jake.
18:03Look at that family picture.
18:05Now, what did the man say?
18:07Say cheese.
18:08Beautiful.
18:09This is a wonderful picture, Ma.
18:11You really look handsome in it, Sammy.
18:13You don't look so bad yourself.
18:15Me neither.
18:16I don't look bad, Rosalie, do I?
18:18And Papa and Mama look bad.
18:20Beautiful.
18:21Look at Papa.
18:22A man of distinction.
18:24Mr. Doolittle is not a photographer.
18:26He's an artist.
18:28Look at David.
18:29You look distinguished too, Uncle David.
18:31A regular professor.
18:33You don't think the glasses is a little too...
18:36You know, Uncle David, they're perfect.
18:38I can't stop looking at myself.
18:42Don't make me look too old, Mama.
18:45Maybe if he took out a wrinkle here and there, I would...
18:49You'd well enough be.
18:50The few wrinkles you have, David, that's what makes your character.
18:55If your Papa wasn't only so stubborn.
18:57Maybe he'll change his mind, Ma, when he sees them.
19:00He wouldn't.
19:07David, how can such pictures go to waste?
19:10I'll send my copy to my Solly the doctor.
19:13Taste.
19:16Salt.
19:17I want him to enjoy when he's looking at his Papa.
19:19Pepper.
19:20A little.
19:21If you give Solly this picture, what will you have to remember yourself by?
19:24A look in the looking glass.
19:27Such a wonderful family picture.
19:29Shouldn't be shared by the family circle.
19:31Molly, you promised Jake.
19:33I know I promised.
19:34I'm only talking out loud.
19:36I'd like a copy to put on my dresser at college.
19:39You heard that, David.
19:40So you're giving this?
19:42It's a bottle I have.
19:44You think I want all my friends and relatives to have something to remember us by?
19:49Wouldn't it be nice if we were sitting on Mrs. Herman's bureau?
19:52Or standing on Mrs. Siegel's chest?
19:54Or Mr. Hazel's...
19:55And I don't have friends who would like to look at me.
19:58First there is Kravitz, who I play checkers with.
20:01There's Joe Stein from the Golden Age Club.
20:04Ma, why don't you order some?
20:06Without Papa's wishes?
20:07Let's face it, Ma.
20:08Papa's being a little stubborn about this.
20:10Wouldn't be a tragedy if you ordered two dozen of each.
20:14Not without Jake's yes.
20:15But a person don't know won't hide him.
20:18Jake?
20:20I'm going to talk to Papa.
20:29Hello, Jake.
20:30Hello.
20:31Hi, Pa.
20:32Good evening.
20:33Hello, Papa, darling.
20:34Rosie.
20:35Hello, Jake.
20:36Come on, darling.
20:37Set the table, dear.
20:38And, uh, Samuel, it wouldn't be a miss if you helped your sister.
20:42Jake, darling, have I something to show you?
20:50Mm-hmm.
20:52You like them?
20:54Nice.
20:55That's all you have to say?
20:56What more do you want me to say?
20:58Jake, maybe if you would just, uh...
21:01No, Molly.
21:02Stubborn, Jake.
21:04Stubborn.
21:05If you'll excuse me, I'm going up to wash.
21:10David, did you see how his eyes lit up when he looked at the picture?
21:14Like two lights.
21:16David, I'm not going to let him cut his nose to spite my face.
21:24What are you going to do?
21:29Two dozen assorted?
21:31Make it three.
21:32It's a big family.
21:35Hello.
21:36Hello.
21:37Mr. Doolittle?
21:38Yes?
21:39Uh, this is the three treasury books speaking to you.
21:42Mrs. Goldberg.
21:43Oh, hello, Mrs. Goldberg.
21:46What can I do for you?
21:47Well, I just got finished looking at the pictures, and they're beautiful.
21:51Well, thank you.
21:53She likes them.
21:54Good.
21:55And, uh, I would like to order three dozen assorted.
21:59One dozen of the family.
22:01One dozen of my Uncle David.
22:03And one, uh...
22:04Which size would you like to have?
22:06Did you see the picture Mr. Goldberg took home?
22:09What did you say?
22:10Oh, I guess he wants to surprise you.
22:13Yes, he ordered one dozen big ones of himself.
22:16I'm sending some of them out tonight.
22:19Yes, let's see.
22:20One goes to his partner.
22:22One to the New York office.
22:24One to his cousin, Simon.
22:26And one to his aunt, who lives in Passaic.
22:29And, uh, one to women's wear.
22:31And one to his large.
22:33Oh, I see.
22:35Well, uh, then order me the regular size.
22:38Eight by twelve.
22:40And, uh, send them to my home, please.
22:42Okay, Mrs. Goldberg.
22:44You'll have them day after tomorrow.
22:46Thank you very much.
22:51What is it, Molly?
22:53Nothing, nothing, David.
22:55Mr. Doolittle's a very talkative man.
22:58Uh, David, I can throw an eye in the soup, yes, please?
23:01Mm-hmm.
23:02Uh, Rosalie, you can slice the bananas now for the fruit salad.
23:05And, Samuel, eh?
23:07Assist your sister, dear.
23:28Oh.
23:59Jake.
24:00Hmm?
24:01Jake, if the pictures weren't so beautiful,
24:04would I ask you to reverse yourself, Jake?
24:09Jake?
24:11Hmm?
24:13Ah, all right, Molly.
24:15If it means so much to you,
24:17order a few pictures of David and the family.
24:20Oh, but, Jake, dear, thank you just the same.
24:22But it would give me greater pleasure to order your pictures.
24:26Jake, why shouldn't your partner Mendel have a picture?
24:31And, uh, why shouldn't there be a picture of you in your New York office?
24:36And one to Count Elkin for sake, what pleasure it would give her.
24:40And one to your lodge.
24:43And one to the women's wear.
24:46Are we eating supper soon?
24:49We are, dear darling.
24:50We are.
24:51We are, dear darling.
24:52We are.
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