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00:00♪
00:15Betty White in Life with Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:21♪
00:26Number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred just before they went on their trip to Mexico.
00:31They had decided, very sensibly I think, to learn to speak Spanish.
00:36They figured, again sensibly, that to speak the language of another nation was an indication of friendly intentions.
00:43Let's watch the Spanish lessons, and this is where the sensible stuff ends.
00:50Elizabeth, ¿cómo está usted?
00:55Here comes Alvin. Why don't you say, hi, husband, in Spanish?
01:01Hola, esposo.
01:03Esposo, that means husband. Then hola, esposo must mean...
01:07There's a hole in my husband.
01:09Well, that's not kid around. We've got to learn to speak this language in six days.
01:14You're right, honey. Hola means hello, and esposo means husband.
01:19Then I guess esposa means wife.
01:22Esposo?
01:23No, esposa.
01:24That's what I said, honey, esposo.
01:26There's a whole list of verbs here we ought to learn.
01:29Ir.
01:30Where?
01:31To... No, ir means to go.
01:33Oh, oh.
01:35Here's a word with two meanings.
01:37Si.
01:40I can't from here, darling.
01:41No, no, no. Si is the word. It means either if or yes.
01:46You know what we ought to do? Let's see if we can carry on a little conversation.
01:49Okay.
01:49Without the books.
01:51All right. Okay.
01:54Alvino.
01:57Si, esposa.
01:59Did you hear the way I knocked that off?
02:01Si, esposa.
02:03Let's not flip our sombreros.
02:05Mira la silla.
02:08Mira la silla.
02:10What does that mean?
02:12Well, it doesn't mean there's a mirror on the ceiling.
02:14Don't get sarcastic, Elizabeth.
02:16I'm sorry.
02:18Mira... What am I pointing at?
02:20The chair.
02:21Silla means chair.
02:22So, mira la silla means...
02:24There's a mirror on the chair.
02:26It does not. It means look at the chair.
02:30I know that, but...
02:32You look at a mirror, and mira means look at.
02:36Well, that's the way I connect it up.
02:38You've got to have a logical mind for this kind of stuff.
02:40Never mind your logical mind.
02:44Mira la misa.
02:45Si.
02:46Si what?
02:48I see the mirror on the table.
02:49Oh, honey, no.
02:50Si means yes.
02:53All right.
02:54Yes, I see the mirror on the table.
02:56That's better.
02:57See, we're doing pretty good at this.
02:58Come here.
03:00I'll see you...
03:01Mira la silla again.
03:03Look at the chair.
03:06If we ever had to say look at the mirror,
03:07we'd be in real trouble.
03:09Si.
03:10How about that, huh?
03:12Mira la wacha.
03:13Oh, I don't think wacha means watch.
03:15Wacha?
03:16Never mind that.
03:17Estiempo morir.
03:21That means it's time to eat.
03:23Morir means to eat.
03:25Unless it means mirror again.
03:27Mucho morir.
03:28There seem to be an awful lot of mirrors in Mexico.
03:31Molito.
03:32Oh, here it is.
03:33Up here.
03:33Morir.
03:34To die.
03:37Come on, sweetheart.
03:38Dinner's ready.
03:39It's time to die.
03:40Yeah, I'll take the books.
03:41The libros.
03:43Sweetheart, I just...
03:45Si.
03:46I just thought of a game that might be fun.
03:49Si, es posible.
03:52Why don't we try to get through the entire meal
03:54without using any English at all?
03:56Hey, now, wait a minute.
03:57We're not that good.
03:58Well, I mean, we can use the books,
04:00but we just can't, uh, we can't use any English words.
04:03See, we can look up anything we need.
04:05They say that's the only way to learn a language.
04:07Well, I don't know about that.
04:08I mean, we can use the books.
04:09But we just can't, uh, we can't use any English words.
04:13Okay.
04:14Not one single English word.
04:16It'll be two bits for every English word we use.
04:19Well, now, wait a minute.
04:20Let's not go overboard, huh?
04:22No, it's your idea, and it's a very good idea.
04:24Don't forget, two bits for every English word we use.
04:28Starting, um, starting now.
04:32Uh, uh, uh, bueno.
04:36Here we go.
04:39See ya.
04:42Um...
04:47Gracias.
04:48Gracias.
04:49Uh...
04:52Mira la, uh...
04:55SÃ.
05:00Pasa...
05:02Pasa la...
05:05Pasa la salsa.
05:08La...
05:09Pas...
05:11Pass the what?
05:12You spoke English.
05:13So did you.
05:14I did not.
05:15Well, you spoke English to tell me I spoke English.
05:17Oh.
05:18Well, let's start over again.
05:21Uh, pasa la sal.
05:24Sal...
05:25Sal...
05:27Sal...
05:29Ah!
05:30Sal means salt.
05:32You spoke English.
05:34Well, so did you.
05:35Well, we'll start over again.
05:37Um...
05:39La sal, esposo.
05:41Gracias, esposa.
05:44La sal.
05:45Gracias, esposo.
05:48Isn't this fun?
05:49You spoke English again.
05:52Oh, honey, can't we cut the two bits of word stuff?
05:55I mean, we're learning a language.
05:56We're not playing bingo.
05:57No, no, no, no.
05:58Two bits for every word in that sentence.
06:02Minus that last sentence of yours.
06:04Oh, no, that didn't count.
06:05I was telling you about the sentence before that.
06:06What about the one you just said?
06:08Which one?
06:09The one where you were explaining about the one...
06:11Oh, no.
06:13La sal, esposo.
06:15Gracias, esposa.
06:17La sal.
06:18Gracias.
06:21Um...
06:22Uh...
06:24El carne, uh...
06:26Slicito.
06:29Oh, you gotta talk to Slicito.
06:32That's a dollar and a half's worth of English.
06:34Now, wait a minute.
06:35In order to say that was a dollar and a half's worth of English,
06:37you used $2.25 worth more of English.
06:40And in order to say what you just said, you...
06:41Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
06:44La sal.
06:45Gracias.
06:47La sal.
06:49Gracias.
06:51Um...
06:53El carne, uh...
06:55Uh...
06:57Sliceramos.
06:59Sliceramos el carne.
07:02SÃ.
07:04El carne is getting frÃo and greasy.
07:08Pass me the...
07:13Camisa.
07:16Camisa.
07:19SÃ.
07:21SÃ.
07:26All right, let's see you slice...
07:28Sliceramos el carne with that.
07:31Will you kindly pass me the stupid knife?
07:34Will you look it up in the stupid libro first?
07:37Camisa means shirt.
07:39And those last two sentences cancel each other out in two minutes.
07:42Okay, okay, okay.
07:44Let's see.
07:45Cuchara.
07:46La cuchara, please.
07:48Um...
07:51What did you do with the cuchara?
07:53Me?
07:54How about usted?
07:56Well, I don't go around hiding cucharas, Alvin.
07:59I sharpened the cuchara.
08:01Because del carnelo falls apart
08:03when you sliceramos with a dull cuchara.
08:08Am I using too much Spanish for you?
08:10Oh, no, no.
08:11I'm keeping up fine.
08:13La sal.
08:15Gracias.
08:17La sal.
08:18Gracias.
08:20You'd better slice the carnelo with a dull cuchara.
08:24Olé.
08:26Olé.
08:28La plata, s'il vous plaît.
08:30Plata.
08:32Gracias.
08:39La sal.
08:40Oh, sÃ.
08:42SÃ.
08:43Gracias.
08:48Running out of la sal.
08:50SÃ.
08:56Mmm.
08:57What's the matter?
08:59La sal is la salty.
09:02Look, I've got an idea.
09:04Look, let's take a test.
09:06Well, it's a cinch.
09:07We can't eat.
09:08You know the radio station
09:09that always broadcasts in Spanish?
09:11Let's see if we can translate what they saw.
09:13Say.
09:16Well, we've been speaking
09:18nothing but Spanish for the last five minutes.
09:20That should be easy.
09:21El clima en México es muy agradable.
09:23Hay una temporaria seca
09:25y una de lluvias.
09:27Usualmente empieza a llover
09:29hacia el fin de la primavera
09:31continuando durante el verano.
09:33Deja de llover al principio del otoño
09:35y después, en el invierno,
09:37el clima se vuelve bien seco
09:39con mucho sol y calor.
09:41¿En cuál parte del año
09:43está mejor el clima en México?
09:45Siempre, siempre, siempre.
09:47Um,
09:49how does Canada strike you, sweetheart?
09:51No.
09:53We're going to practice some more.
09:56See ya.
09:59Gracias.
10:04La sal, esposa?
10:06Gracias, esposa.
10:08La sal?
10:10Gracias, esposa.
10:12Elizabeth.
10:14Hasta la vista.
10:19Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
10:21In just a moment,
10:23incident number two
10:25in life with Elizabeth.
10:28Incident number two
10:30in the life of Elizabeth
10:32occurred the time she took Alvin
10:34to one of those dainty feminine tea rooms
10:36that belong on a pink cloud
10:38but are usually found
10:40on the top floors of department stores.
10:42Men,
10:44don't let this happen to you.
10:46Oh, this one.
10:48Evolve, honey.
10:50Sweet, sweet.
10:51I've never bothered you before.
10:53Look, honey, there's a little,
10:55little hamburger place down the street.
10:57Alvin, will you stop making a scene?
10:59I'm sorry.
11:01Look, how come we're right up front?
11:03Well, this is the line for parties of two.
11:05Isn't this a cute place?
11:07Look at the parasols on the wall.
11:09That's why they call it the pink parasol.
11:11Thanks.
11:13I've got to be back to the office at one o'clock.
11:15Look, let's go down.
11:17There's a diner right down the street.
11:19Alvin, will you stop embarrassing me?
11:21I'm not embarrassed for you, Elizabeth.
11:23I'm not the one that's embarrassed for you, Elizabeth.
11:25I'll have a table for you ladies in just a moment.
11:27She wasn't looking at you when she said it.
11:29Well, everybody else is looking at me.
11:31They are not.
11:33They're looking at me.
11:35They're wondering why I brought my spoiled,
11:37my spoiled baby son to a public restaurant.
11:39Okay, okay.
11:41Elizabeth, I have 45 minutes
11:43to get back to the office.
11:45Besides, all this perfume is making me sick.
11:47Here she comes.
11:49All right.
11:51Would you ladies prefer the Pararoom
11:53or the Sol Terrace?
11:55My husband and I would like whichever
11:57has the quickest service.
11:59Husband?
12:02Well then, I guess you better take the Pararoom.
12:05The chairs are stronger.
12:09This way, please.
12:16Here we are.
12:19I'll do this.
12:21Yes, sir.
12:24All right, Galahad, sit down for goodness sakes.
12:26Well, Elizabeth, no woman is going to take it.
12:28This is one of the strong chairs.
12:30Well, then.
12:32I weigh 185 pounds.
12:34Will you please sit down?
12:36Elizabeth, I'm not kidding. It won't hold me.
12:38Mama eats here.
12:46What's this?
12:47It's the menu.
12:54I'll have that fillet of eggplant.
12:56Oh, it's delicious today.
12:58And you, madam.
13:00Sir.
13:02I'm dead.
13:04I can't get the stupid parasol open.
13:06Elizabeth, honey.
13:08Why don't you try the shredded oysters?
13:10They're delicious.
13:12I hate oysters.
13:14Well, you'll like these.
13:15They taste just like tuna and potato chips.
13:17You know, you love potato chips.
13:19Nope.
13:21Bring me a nice big steak.
13:25What happened?
13:27Sweetie, talk to me.
13:29Elizabeth, honey.
13:31He said oyster plate.
13:34Yes, ma'am.
13:36Well, what happened?
13:38Why did everybody get so quiet?
13:40Alvin, you should never use profanity like that in a tea room.
13:42Steak.
13:43Oh, for goodness sake.
13:46Is it all right if I smoke?
13:48Of course it is.
13:50Use the ashtray.
13:52Be careful, honey. It's paper.
13:54Oh, this is real handy.
13:56Next time we eat lunch downtown,
13:58I'll take you to Joe's diner.
14:00Then you'll see how I feel.
14:02You'll be the only woman in the place.
14:04Yeah.
14:07Honey, I'm still the only man here.
14:10You are not.
14:11There's a little old man over there in the corner.
14:15No.
14:17No, it's not.
14:19It's a little old lady.
14:21The pipe fooled me.
14:23Honey, when do we eat?
14:25I'm starved.
14:27Here she comes.
14:29Now, don't make any vulgar remarks about the food.
14:33Careful now.
14:35The plates are cold.
14:37The plates are cold?
14:39Well, they freeze the plates,
14:41and the hot food reaches the table
14:43at just the right temperature.
14:45No, he has the oyster plates.
14:47Oh, sorry.
14:49How could you tell the difference?
14:51Elvin, a cream or a lemon with your tea, ladies.
14:59Could we possibly have some coffee?
15:03Well, I'll have to send downstairs for it.
15:06Well, you're down there asking
15:08to bring up another one of the ashtrays.
15:09It's the one up in flames.
15:12Flames.
15:18Are you deliberately trying to be a bull in a china shop,
15:20or don't you know any better?
15:22Just being friendly.
15:25Okay, sweetheart, now eat your food.
15:27And don't tell me you can't find it.
15:29And don't describe it.
15:32Elizabeth, if this little blob in the middle of my plate
15:34is my oysters, which I can't stand,
15:36that leaves me two postage stamps for my lunch.
15:39Elizabeth, will you look at me?
15:41Look, I'm not trying to be funny.
15:45It isn't much, is it?
15:47No.
15:49I'll tell you what.
15:51You eat my postage, um, my sandwiches, too.
15:53Here.
15:55This one with the purple filling
15:57is nothing but cream cheese.
15:59And this blue one is, it's yellow of egg.
16:01Yeah.
16:03Honey, are you sure that's what it is?
16:05Mm-hmm.
16:07Here comes your dessert.
16:10Oh, that's very nice.
16:12Honey, I don't think that you're right about that.
16:14This green, the, what?
16:16You can have this table as soon as we're through eating.
16:19How dare you?
16:21Well, Elizabeth, I don't like anyone
16:23hanging over my shoulder when I'm...
16:25What's so funny?
16:28Nothing, darling.
16:30Miss?
16:32Did I embarrass you again?
16:34You know something?
16:36I just figured out.
16:37You'd embarrass me more if you knew
16:39how to act in a place like this.
16:41Look, honey, if I did anything
16:43to cause you any trouble in front of these women, I...
16:45Every woman in this room
16:47wishes she had this kind of trouble.
16:50Did you call me?
16:52Uh, may we have our check, please?
16:54I have it right here.
16:58Didn't you like the food?
17:00We've decided to eat at Joe's Diner.
17:02No kidding?
17:04I don't blame you.
17:05That's where we all eat our lunch.
17:10You know, before I go, I'd like to try something.
17:14Steak!
17:16Hey, while it's quiet,
17:18say goodbye to the people.
17:20Goodbye, everybody.
17:26Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
17:28And in just a moment, we'll bring you
17:30incident number three,
17:32In Life With Elizabeth.
17:35Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth
17:37occurred because she was a victim
17:39of her own careless marketing.
17:41How do you do careless marketing?
17:43Well, the psychiatrists have a phrase for it.
17:46They call it acute market basket annoyance.
17:49It works like this.
17:53See how that wasn't so bad, was it, darling?
17:57Alvin?
17:59Open the door.
18:01Where have you been?
18:03Open the door, honey.
18:06I still can't see.
18:09What are you doing with all that stuff?
18:11I'm trying to put it down.
18:14Well, don't bother. That's all I bought.
18:16What?
18:18That's all I bought.
18:20Then what am I doing with all of this stuff?
18:22I don't know. You were the one
18:24that went through the checking station.
18:26Are you sure you had the basket
18:28with the watermelon on the bottom?
18:30Of course I had the one
18:32with the watermelon on the bottom.
18:33Well, now we're going to have to take it all back.
18:35Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
18:37Now, you said to me,
18:39you pointed to the cart that had the watermelon
18:41and you said, that's ours.
18:43I took it to the checking stand.
18:45I paid $27 for this stuff.
18:47$27?
18:50Well, you've got about $26 worth of broccoli
18:52in this bag alone.
18:54Now, wait a minute.
18:56Let's try to figure out what happened, honey.
18:59Okay, let's see.
19:01I was in the store
19:03and you were driving around the block.
19:11Hey, listen, honey.
19:13Look, I've been around the block 43 times.
19:15Poor baby.
19:17You should have brought the car.
19:19Honey, now look, no kidding.
19:21I'm parked in the yellow zone as it is.
19:23You know, I'll tell you something you can do for me.
19:25You want to take the cart
19:27and get a small stack of potatoes
19:29over in the next aisle?
19:31Okay.
19:33I'll be down at the bottom.
19:35Now, look, honey.
19:37Will you be ready when I come back?
19:39I'm already living on borrowed time in that yellow zone.
19:41What's the matter?
19:43Yeah.
19:45Yeah, hurry up, honey, will you?
19:54Oh, excuse me.
19:56My land, Elizabeth.
19:58Oh, Chloe, what a pleasant surprise.
20:00Hi, Vinnie.
20:02Hey, that's good-looking cantaloupe.
20:04Oh, yes.
20:06Pierre and I just love them.
20:08You know, we throw away
20:10that yellow stuff in the middle
20:12and I pickle a rind.
20:14The green looks elegant on my preserve shelf.
20:16You know, we do a silly thing.
20:18We throw the rinds away.
20:20My land, maybe we can make a trade deal.
20:21I never know what you would think.
20:23Hi, Chloe.
20:25These the kind of potatoes you want?
20:27Those are rutabagas.
20:29Oh, I thought they were a little too hairy.
20:32Is that the way you drive a car, too, buddy?
20:35You're jaywalking.
20:37Jaywalking.
20:39Go get the potatoes.
20:41He's sorry.
20:43Pardon me, madam,
20:45but you're right between me and the shelf.
20:47My land parked that silly thing in garage.
20:48Around.
20:50Around.
20:52Just a minute.
20:54Say, isn't this my basket?
20:56Most certainly is not.
20:58Oh, now look, you've locked bumpers.
21:00Oh, be careful.
21:02Be careful.
21:04Well, I bought the margarine and the jam, I think.
21:06Say, you're going to break my eggs.
21:08Hey, hey, what's going on here?
21:10Alvin, this man is being very rude.
21:12Not only that, I think he has our car.
21:14Elizabeth, he couldn't have.
21:16I had it.
21:18I had it.
21:20Wait a minute.
21:22Listen, will you stop losing your mind?
21:24Let's do this thing scientifically.
21:26Listen, I didn't come here to buy an omelet, you know.
21:28Now, wait a minute, everybody.
21:30Now, wait a minute.
21:32The least we can do is get this one out of the way,
21:34and then you can work.
21:36See?
21:38You don't have to lose your mind, you know, just easy.
21:40Well, at least this one is my car.
21:42Ah!
21:44Sakes.
21:46You know they ought to take away his license.
21:48I guess this one's ours.
21:50Yeah, well, can we go now, dear?
21:52This one is mine, here.
21:54Oh, I believe you have my eggs, Elizabeth.
21:58Are they getting my car?
22:00Never mind that now, let's go.
22:02Well, I'm not going to say goodbye.
22:04We'll probably meet in the next aisle.
22:06Yeah, bye.
22:08Funny about me.
22:10Hey, I just have a few more things I have to get.
22:12Why don't you pick out something you like?
22:14Look, honey, the only thing I like right now
22:16is to get out of that yellow...
22:19How did you get the eggs?
22:21I did.
22:23You sure you got the eggs?
22:25I got them, honey.
22:27Oh, here's dyspeptic David again.
22:29Pretend you don't see him.
22:31I'm not afraid of him.
22:33I don't want any more trouble.
22:41He's gone.
22:44Now, isn't it best to avoid trouble that way?
22:46Sure.
22:48Say, did you say you had eggs?
22:50I've got the eggs, honey.
22:52Well, let's go. Come on.
22:54Well, I've just been thinking I ought to pick up
22:56a couple more things for the weekend.
22:58You go park in another yellow zone.
23:00Honey, be ready to leave when I come back, please.
23:02Yeah.
23:04Oh!
23:08What happened?
23:10Elizabeth, he's a hit-and-run driver.
23:12It looks more like...
23:14What happened?
23:16I slipped on those eggs and she ran over me.
23:18Now, there's no excuse for somebody
23:20leaving eggs in the middle of the aisle like that.
23:22Well, don't just sit there discussing.
23:24Help me up.
23:26They'll pay you to be a little bit more diplomatic, young man.
23:28You're in no position to be uppity with us.
23:31Are you all right?
23:33A rib is sticking out.
23:35My lamb.
23:37Oh, no, it's just some celery.
23:39I got the ticket.
23:41Hey, what's going on here?
23:43We're taking this man to the office, Alvin.
23:45He's been hurt.
23:46Well, take it out of the car.
23:48I'll be right with you.
23:50Oh, hey, did you buy all this?
23:52Well, I got some more.
23:54Yeah, look for the watermelon.
23:56Watermelon.
23:58Watermelon.
24:00Melons.
24:08Must be having company.
24:11So, you probably rolled out all three cards.
24:14Well, sure.
24:16Watermelons.
24:18Oh, there you are.
24:20Wait a minute.
24:22Come out of here.
24:24Where's my $27?
24:26Alvin, come back here.
24:28You poor dear.
24:30My poor child.
24:32All we can do is visit him.
24:34Visit who?
24:36Didn't you know?
24:38Alvin has been stealing baskets of food from the market.
24:40Oh, Chloe, that's a...
24:42Why, it's all a mistake.
24:44He's paid for the food.
24:47Wait a minute.
24:49Do you know what bothers me?
24:51What?
24:53What happened to those three watermelons?
24:55Distraught.
24:57That's what you are.
24:59Out of your mind with worry?
25:01No.
25:03No, you remember, we had the eggs.
25:05Then you took the eggs out of my mouth.
25:07You know what they call it?
25:09Chocolates.
25:11Hey.
25:13Say goodbye to the people.
25:14In just a moment, Betty White
25:16will return to say goodbye.
25:22And now here to say goodbye to you
25:24is the lovely star of our show, Betty White.
25:27Thank you, Jack.
25:29And thank you, everybody.
25:33You know, that last incident reminded me
25:35of a little poem I used to know.
25:37You know the one about,
25:39this little piggy went to market
25:41and this little piggy was her husband
25:42and this little piggy go along
25:44and it's a good thing she did
25:46or we'd have had no incident number three.
25:48Until we see you again next week,
25:50once again, goodbye, everybody.
25:51© BF-WATCH TV 2021
26:21© BF-WATCH TV 2021