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00:00Oh-ho, looking good, girl.
00:17Just another creep. Just my luck.
00:23Please pick up.
00:26Hi, Dad. I'm stuck and I need you to come help me.
00:34Sure thing, hon.
00:36Are you seriously screwing someone right now?
00:38He'll be there soon.
00:41What? Me?
00:42Who?
00:46Drugging girls? My club? You must have a death wish.
00:50You got the wrong, I swear!
01:03Shut up. You have the worst timing.
01:07Hey, you know that favor you owe me? I'm cashing it in. Now.
01:18Ah!
01:20What are you doing?
01:21What's a princess like you doing in a place like this?
01:29It's nice and warm in the back of my truck.
01:32You'll get away from me, creep.
01:34Ah, you've got a mouth on you, don't you?
01:39Stop!
01:40Let's see what else it can do.
01:44What the hell?
01:53Mr. Collins?
01:54That's in his...
01:56best friend?
01:57I'm shivering.
02:15Come on, kiddo.
02:17Kiddo? Why is he still calling me that? I'm a grown-ass woman.
02:20Do you want me to roll out a red carpet for you or what? Let's go.
02:33I haven't seen Mr. Collins in like...
02:37five Christmases.
02:41It's tougher than I've learned.
02:45Something wrong?
02:47Um...
02:49Your arm is...
02:54wet...
02:56from the rain.
02:59Wipe it then.
03:16There's no rain out there.
03:21There's no rain out there.
03:24Rafe, sorry.
03:28So why'd my dad send you anyway?
03:32Thought you'd be busy running your nightclub or...
03:36eating up sleazebags, not making up some guy's daughter.
03:39Come to think of it, I actually don't think I've seen my dad in months.
03:51I don't do small talk.
03:55Okay then.
04:00Wait, wait, wait, stop.
04:02I need to pick something up.
04:03Take a little kid to buy alcohol.
04:05I am 22 years old.
04:06Exactly, kiddo.
04:08Shut up! You're not that much older than me.
04:11Look, I'm having a little kickback at my apartment later,
04:14and I need to buy alcohol because otherwise nobody will want to be friends with me
04:17and then I won't have any friends for the rest of the year.
04:19And nobody...
04:21If I take you...
04:23Will you shut up?
04:25Yes.
04:33I'll be fine.
04:45You're not going out there dressed like that.
04:49It's not safe.
04:52Has it been like this the whole time?
04:54Yeah.
04:56Why didn't you say something?
04:57I just did.
04:59You freaking creep!
05:01Give me a jacket or something.
05:03I don't know.
05:30When you're done checking me out,
05:31pal.
05:32I think your store closes in two minutes.
05:34I was not checking you out.
05:36That was a yawn.
05:37Sure it was, kiddo.
05:39It's past your bedtime.
05:40Stop calling me kid.
05:43Stop calling me kid.
05:59You might actually make friends tonight, Harper.
06:01This is a small kickback.
06:02Looks like a goddamn circus in there.
06:03Does your dad know about that?
06:04Well, maybe if my dad actually bothered to visit, I would give a shit what he thinks, but he doesn't live here. And neither do you.
06:06Yeah, about that.
06:07I live here now.
06:08He put me in charge.
06:09And I'm kicking everyone out.
06:10Wait, Chris, no, please.
06:11This might be my only chance to make friends.
06:13This might be my only chance to make friends.
06:14This might be my only chance to make friends.
06:19You can't buy your friends, kid.
06:22I don't have another choice.
06:23I barely met anyone.
06:24I'm here.
06:25I'm here.
06:26And neither do you.
06:27Yeah, about that.
06:28I live here now.
06:29He put me in charge.
06:30And I'm kicking everyone out.
06:31Wait, Chris, no, please.
06:33This might be my only chance to make friends.
06:36You can't buy your friends, kid.
06:48I don't have another choice.
06:50I've barely met anyone since I transferred here.
06:53And this is my last year of college.
06:55And I don't want to graduate alone.
07:00Fine.
07:01Have your kick back.
07:02Or not.
07:04Either way, I have to stay here until your dad gets back.
07:08I don't need you to look after me!
07:14Who is that?
07:17No.
07:20I'm going to kill you?
07:23Count your days, slut?
07:25It's not a big deal.
07:26I can explain.
07:27This is your ex, Brian.
07:29Your dad was talking about him, this sick fuck.
07:32You guys were spying on me?
07:35Mark cares about your safety.
07:37That's the only reason I'm here.
07:39It's either me living here or three bodyguards.
07:42Your choice.
07:43You are not living here.
07:44I don't give a shit what my dad says.
07:45I don't need a babysitter.
07:46Then stop acting like a baby.
07:47You better not show your face in there.
07:48I don't need you acting like an asshole to all my friends.
07:51God damn it.
07:52Promise to Mark.
07:53I don't need you acting like an asshole to all my friends.
07:54God damn it.
07:55Promise to Mark.
07:56I don't need you acting like a baby.
07:57I don't need you acting like an asshole to all my friends.
07:58God damn it.
07:59Promise to Mark.
08:00baby you better not show your face in there i don't need you acting like an asshole to all my
08:07friends god damn it comes to mark
08:17whoa who's this bub grandpa grandpa he's hotter than you
08:33remind me why we're at a loser nobody's house when i run greek life could literally be on a
08:47yacht right now apparently this chick harper reeves has a rich dad and rich dad means fancy alcohol
08:54hi hi uh christina folks and and becca too i can't believe you guys actually came to my party
09:06duh i didn't miss it
09:09it's really nice to meet you well uh please feel free to uh help yourselves
09:18thanks heather oh it's har it's harper enjoy the party
09:24i guess this bottle of mccallum makes up for having to put up with that dork harper
09:32where's harper harper
09:37forget harper hang out with me i know somewhere we can talk
09:45i know somewhere we can talk
09:50i don't like talking oh i know your type daddy christina and i we're into group activities
09:58talk or no talk you're telling me you would turn down the both of us for that nobody harper
10:06sorry ladies i don't like my women desperate
10:11oh i mentioned harper's name again and i'll make you regret it
10:18huh he really picked harper over us i think we need to teach that nobody a lesson about what
10:26what happens to skanks who think they can upstage us
10:29oh harper hey listen do you think i could use your bathroom everyone is using the one downstairs
10:46and ew okay yeah of course you can't you're you're like your school royalty
10:53thanks you know i can't believe we didn't become friends earlier
10:59we're we're friends of course i have to pee wait for me
11:07uh yeah of course i'll just maybe be right outside my own room
11:11what dirt can i find
11:21oh this is gold harper you are one psychotic little bitch
11:40time to shut your boozer party down
11:45i think i saw harper go out there with a guy
12:02the hell
12:15attention everybody hello you all seem a little bored
12:28so why don't i spice things up by reading
12:32a few pages of harper's diary
12:37let's see dear diary dad never wants to hang out with me
12:45sometimes i feel like he doesn't love me
12:48oh harper
12:50daddy issues much
12:53dad's friend chris is like a dilf that stands for a dad i'd like to fuck
13:11and honestly if he weren't my dad's best friend
13:16you fantasize about the fucking guys your dad's age
13:22kerper that is so nasty
13:24no christina it's not true
13:26christina i think the bitch is in heat or something
13:29there's all this talk about your weird grandpa fetish turning you on
13:33that's full figure down
13:43oh no no no no no no no no no
13:52fuck this
13:59Jealous that a grandpa prefers Harper over a threesome with you and your loser friend?
14:29You are supposed to get rid of him.
14:38Come to her party.
14:39You take advantage of her kindness and you make fun of her family life.
14:43It was a joke. It was a joke.
14:45The joke is the fact that Harper turned out to be a good kid without her father in her life.
14:51Your dad taught you how to be a witch.
14:55First, that's enough.
14:57Let her go.
15:00One last.
15:06What the hell is wrong with you?
15:08You're too old to be this petty.
15:10You're damn right I'm petty.
15:11Let's get one thing straight here.
15:13Harper might be too kind to flash her family's connections.
15:17If you mess with her again...
15:18Fuck you up.
15:23Harper literally just girl.
15:25I don't give a fuck.
15:27Everyone out.
15:28The fuck out.
15:36What the hell was that?
15:40What the hell was that?
15:41She hurt you.
15:58Chris, I'm fine.
16:01Chris, I said I'm fine.
16:02Are you crying?
16:10Why are you crying?
16:12I don't understand.
16:14Those aren't your friends, kid.
16:15They just tried to hurt you.
16:17I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
16:21That's stupid.
16:22I know they're not my friends, but that was Christina Fox.
16:25You just embarrassed me in front of him.
16:26I'm going to stop you right there.
16:26And she's the queen of our...
16:27I said stop.
16:32I said stop.
16:35I don't care if she runs the school.
16:36We'll find you another school.
16:38I'm here to keep you safe.
16:40Keep me safe by pulling out a gun in front of college students?
16:44Just because you run some sort of shady business.
16:46I choose my next words very carefully, kid.
16:50I told you to stop calling me that.
16:56And I told you to stop acting like water.
17:01Oh, yeah?
17:04If I'm such a kid,
17:06what's that must against my leg right now?
17:13Sorry, kid.
17:14That's my gun.
17:16You're going to have to try a lot harder
17:18if you want to turn me on.
17:21You better not be here tomorrow.
17:37Please tell me you're gone.
17:38There better not be a single t-shirt in there, Chris Collins, I swear.
17:47I don't care what my dad says.
17:54Oh!
17:57God.
17:57What?
18:11What kind of freak is my dad friends with?
18:16No.
18:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:21It's going to not be happening.
18:22He's going to be back in any second.
18:23You know, if you weren't played,
18:34you could have just asked.
18:38I don't want to...
18:39I don't want to play.
18:40What do you even do with these, you perv?
18:43Oh, I'm the perv?
18:44You're the one who came into my room,
18:46into my closet when I wasn't here.
18:47I was doing you a favor
18:51and helping you move out
18:52because you shouldn't be here.
18:55Uncuff me.
18:59What are your manners?
19:03Say please.
19:08I don't have time for your games, old man.
19:12Give me the key.
19:13What the...
19:20You and I are going to establish some ground rules.
19:23Are you ready to listen?
19:24Like a good little girl?
19:26Or am I going to have to keep you cuffed up all day?
19:32Rule number one.
19:35There was a lot scarier shit out there, kiddo.
19:39You just haven't been out in the real world long enough to notice it.
19:42So when I tell you
19:43that I'm here to protect you,
19:46you better listen to everything I say.
19:48I can take care of my...
19:50Rule number two.
19:52No talking back.
19:54I am the last guy
19:55you want to piss off.
20:03Rule number three.
20:06Don't start any games.
20:09You're not ready to play.
20:12So what else do you have planned today?
20:31Oh, my plans are none of your concern.
20:34Here in the regular, no violent, non-mafia America,
20:39we have this thing called privacy.
20:42You can have your privacy.
20:45Until sunset.
20:47What does that mean?
20:52You have curfew.
20:53How's my daughter?
21:17Um, hot.
21:18What was that?
21:20Uh, she's hot-headed.
21:22Why the hell did I say that?
21:24That's why you're watching her and not me.
21:26Is she back from class?
21:28She was supposed to be back from class hours ago.
21:31Chris, is my daughter okay?
21:33She's fine, Mark.
21:34Good.
21:35You're my best friend.
21:37You're the only one I trust to keep her safe.
21:39You better have a good excuse when I find you.
21:48Give me some time.
21:57Stay with my driver.
21:59Over my head.
22:03What do you say?
22:05This is the way.
22:07Over my head.
22:09You're a fucking strip club, Harper.
22:27Your dad wants me to keep you out of trouble
22:28when you're at a goddamn strip.
22:30Oh, excuse me.
22:44We're filming.
22:45Filming?
22:46Filming what?
22:47Some real hot stuff.
22:49Now beat it, Grandpa.
22:50Go find a room somewhere else.
22:53I'm looking for Harper.
22:54It says her location is here.
22:56So step aside before I make you.
22:58Nope.
23:00Harper is my best friend.
23:02And she didn't mention some old dude would be looking for...
23:04Hey, wait!
23:05Wait!
23:05Wait!
23:06Wait!
23:13He looks so sexy.
23:15Keep going.
23:16Harper?
23:24You shouldn't be here.
23:26You shouldn't be here.
23:28I tried to stop him.
23:31Hey!
23:33No, Harper.
23:34You shouldn't be in this crimey-ass place.
23:36What do you think you're doing here?
23:37It's for a class project.
23:39Give him this camera back, you prick.
23:41Class my ass.
23:42Is that what you told her to get her here?
23:44I ought to stick this camera straight up.
23:46Chris, stop!
23:47Not until I pummel this creep.
23:49Then the camera's next.
23:50Hey, wait, wait, wait.
23:51Not the camera.
23:51It costs a thousand dollars.
23:53You should have thought about that
23:54before making Harper shoot your porn.
23:55That is enough!
24:12These look amazing, Harper.
24:14Oh, my best friend is so sexy!
24:16Wait till the whole class sees this.
24:17No one's going to see these.
24:19Deleting them.
24:20What?
24:21That is art!
24:23Give him this camera back,
24:24or I swear to God,
24:25I'll go out there,
24:26and I'll give one of those creeps
24:27a lap dance.
24:30See how much my dad likes that?
24:31Your choice.
24:41Camera it is.
24:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
24:46You asshole!
24:48If you ever ask Harper to do something like this,
24:50I will jam that camera so far down your throat.
24:54You'll be shitting out Polaroids.
24:57What the fuck is your problem?
25:00We're leaving.
25:06Now.
25:13So first you stalk me,
25:15and then you humiliate me in front of my friends?
25:18I did it for your own good.
25:20You assaulted my classmate
25:22and ruined our project!
25:23You need me around for your safety,
25:25because clearly you can't do it on your own.
25:27You should have seen the way
25:29those guys were looking at you.
25:31Like a piece of meat.
25:33My classmate?
25:35It sounds like someone's a little jealous.
25:40Jealous?
25:42Jealous?
25:43You're cute, Harper.
25:49I'll give you that.
25:50And those...
25:51things you do?
25:53They're cute, too.
25:55You know what's not cute?
25:58Me jealous.
26:00Now, you were right.
26:01I'm in some shady business,
26:02and I don't give two shits
26:03about what your little friends think about me.
26:05But you better not test me,
26:07or I'll break you.
26:11In more than one way, Harper.
26:17Well, guess what?
26:19You just called me Harper
26:21instead of kid.
26:24Just admit
26:25that you want me.
26:27What the hell is happening to me?
26:36There's no way I'm turned on
26:38by my best friend's daughter.
26:40Put your seatbelt on.
26:42You know what, Chris?
26:43You want to be my bodyguard?
26:45Fine.
26:46But I'm going to make you crazy for me.
26:48Let's see if Dad keeps you around now.
26:50So...
26:53Are you going to tell me
26:55who that possessive psycho Hottie is?
26:57No.
26:59Are you sleeping with the professor?
27:01Oh, my God, Maria, no!
27:03Ew!
27:05That's my dad's best friend, Chris Collins.
27:07He was sent here to...
27:09keep me safe.
27:10And he secretly wants to fuck you.
27:13I don't know,
27:14but I do know that that's the only way
27:16my dad will agree to send him home.
27:18Um, wait.
27:19You actually want to seduce
27:21your dad's best friend?
27:24Think about it.
27:26What?
27:29We need to get my dad to fire Chris.
27:31The only way to do that
27:32is if he makes a move.
27:33So that's step one.
27:35Hmm.
27:36You should have seen the way
27:37he barged into that club
27:38looking for you.
27:39He was jealous, Harps.
27:41Yeah, right.
27:42Jealous of me?
27:42I'm a college student
27:44who works at Whole Foods.
27:45He's like a...
27:46tech genius,
27:47billionaire,
27:48hobbyist, MMA fighter.
27:50Not jealous of you, dummy.
27:52Jealous over you.
27:54It looked like he wanted to kill Aaron
27:56over you dancing in that lingerie.
27:57So all we have to do
27:59is somehow make Chris
28:00more jealous until...
28:02Until he snaps.
28:03And then,
28:04he has to admit
28:05he's got the hots
28:06for his best friend's daughter.
28:07And when your dad sees that,
28:09he'll be on a plane
28:10to butt-fuck nowhere
28:12in no time.
28:14Here's to Operation Seduction.
28:17Chris Collins,
28:18you better watch out
28:19because I get what I want.
28:21Mm-hmm.
28:22Sexy outfit.
28:34Check.
28:35Popcorn.
28:36Check.
28:37A notebook.
28:38The only movie
28:39that can make a guy cry.
28:41Check.
28:41worse than some grace.
28:45I know.
28:45I know.
28:46There you go.
28:47I know.
28:472nd,
28:47I know.
28:48There you go.
28:49In a were-
28:49The only movie,
28:49there you go.
28:50You go.