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00:00If you people think that there was going to be a heat wave party without the head cheerleader
00:11of Francine and the innovator allowance, you're damn nuts!
00:17But as soon as this pay review is over, I say we all go back to the hotel, get drunk,
00:26get naked, and have one hell of an after party!
00:33That's disgusting. He's influencing fans.
00:36You know, I'm supposed to come out here and make this big special announcement.
00:39Let me just ask you people one thing.
00:41There's a lot of people, cable representatives, pay-per-view representatives, national TV representatives.
00:49Three weeks ago, I watched a pay-per-view called WWF King of the Ring.
01:04And last week, I watched a pay-per-view that damn year put me to sleep called WCW Bench at the Beach.
01:16And this shows nothing on the wrestlers because every wrestler that sets in the ring deserves your praise and credit
01:22and all the respect that you people always give them.
01:29But we've still got a couple matches to go.
01:32But let me ask you people, and please show the millions watching at home and every cable representative,
01:38is this a pay-per-view standard to set or what?
01:45I got two parts of my special announcement.
02:03For all those of you who maybe live under rocks or live in closets or, you know, way out in the boondocks,
02:11as everybody knows, now ECW can be seen Friday nights, 8 o'clock, on the Nashville Network!
02:23Why could Dreamer just come out here and do whatever he wants?
02:37That means, I believe, 86 million viewers in the United States,
02:47and 17 million in the hardcore country of Canada!
02:56Seriously, why the hell did Dreamer go to World War Canada?
03:03They got some great athletes, alright?
03:05Now, from the bottom of my heart, to every single wrestler that ever walked through those curtains
03:17and performed for you people, we wouldn't be here without each and every one of your support!
03:23I've said this a lot of times before, I've wrestled on an ECW show with 50 people on it,
03:35and those guys put on one hell of a show, and those 50 people told friends,
03:41and then we threw that house to 100, and then it went to 200.
03:45So far, so forth, and now I believe this Dayton Arena is sold out!
03:51So what I'm saying is, we had small houses, we had one TV station,
04:01and then we went, and all we want to do is achieve pay-per-view, we did it!
04:06And then, all we wanted was national TV, and we did it!
04:10And now, without your support, we wouldn't be here, but what do you say
04:15we make ECW the number one wrestling federation in the world today!
04:27ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW!
04:30The rumor should be a politician, these people love it!
04:33The wrestler running for office?
04:35There's a normal idea!
04:36I've heard of such a thing!
04:37And I will make the second part of my notes even the harder!
04:42ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW!
04:50Tommys all choked up about TNN..
04:56All gonna be a national cable of the United States.
04:58Guys, I'm not even going anywhere. I'm dying in this country.
05:03What's the deal with Dreamer?
05:04I don't know...
05:08Just choked up... He's been here for years...
05:10I love you guys too.
05:11Tommys... Tommys... Tommys... Tommys...
05:17Well, I'd be all happy about TNN, but I mean...
05:19Tommy takes this company to heart.
05:23I never thought I'd be saying this, especially at the age of 28.
05:30Come on.
05:32Tommy Dreamer was about to say something.
05:38Very, very heavy, obviously.
05:42And now Rhino is wheeling Jack Victory to the ring.
05:51Jack Victory in a wheelchair.
05:56By the way, he can walk.
05:58I'm telling you, I have seen Jack Victory walk.
06:03I've seen him walking around the hotel.
06:05I've seen him walking around the bar.
06:07I'm really kind of stumbling.
06:09And Grano's out here.
06:11Tommy, I'm sorry to break up your sad announcement,
06:16but I think what you wanted to say is you never thought you'd go on pay-per-view
06:23and admit that you're just a 28-year-old has-been.
06:28Tommy Dreamer, you are a casualty of this stupid, hardcore wrestling.
06:44For six years, Tommy Dreamer, you have slaved for ECW.
06:56You have fallen from AT tables.
07:01You've been bashing the head with more chairs than anybody.
07:07And you've probably spilled more blood than anybody that's ever walked into ECW.
07:17He's putting him over.
07:22Go ahead and clap.
07:24What did that get Tommy Dreamer?
07:27Ah, here's where it got Tommy Dreamer.
07:31What he's not telling you is that Tommy Dreamer's physical therapy is not working.
07:40Tommy Dreamer's two herniated discs in his back are not getting better.
07:48Tommy Dreamer needs back surgery.
07:53One plus one plus one equals Tommy Dreamer's career is over.
08:02What?
08:03What?
08:04That's what Tommy was trying to say.
08:08Carino knows everything.
08:10See, back in 1993, you used to wear suspenders.
08:16You used to be in great shape.
08:18You used to smile and slap hands.
08:20And that was the Tommy Dreamer I respected because you were a wrestler.
08:27But over time, every one of these people got to you.
08:34They made you the cancer of extreme championship wrestling.
08:45The W in ECW still stands for wrestling people.
08:52What do you think?
08:53Do you pay to see her?
08:55That was a bit of a stupid question.
09:06After all the tables, after all the chair shots, after all the pints of blood, Tommy Dreamer,
09:14let me ask you one question.
09:17Was it really worth it for all these people?
09:23What are you nuts?
09:30You're dead.
09:31You have no career.
09:33You have to retire.
09:35You need surgery.
09:37Your career is over.
09:39What's wrong with you?
09:43Look at Dreamer's face.
09:45This is true.
09:46Look at me Tommy Dreamer.
09:48I'm 24 years old.
09:50I'm in the greatest shape of my life.
09:53You don't see any scars on this body.
09:56You know why?
09:57Because I wrestle.
09:59I go in here and I give the people what they want and that's an old school style match like they used to see in Memphis.
10:09He's Mr. Tackle Popdown.
10:10But you, you had to prove something.
10:14You had to be the innovator of violence.
10:18Well now Tommy, I have a role for you.
10:25Since you, the guy that worked here since day one, will never ever wrestle on TNN.
10:36And I will.
10:39Why don't you do the traditional thing?
10:43Lay down right here.
10:45I will lay on top of you.
10:47I will even hook your leg because I respect the veteran.
10:51That's nice of him.
10:53I will then elevate my career to superstardom.
10:57And you can go off to the pasture and get a job somewhere else.
11:04Maybe delivering flowers.
11:06Maybe you'll be a secretary.
11:08Dreamer, lay down for me because Heat Wave is my night.
11:16It's a time honored tradition, Joey Styles.
11:18It's time to do the job.
11:19Of course.
11:20Tommy should do the right thing.
11:23I feel bad for Tommy Dreamer, but he should do the right thing.
11:26Not to Steve Carino.
11:28Put Carino over.
11:29Who deserves it more?
11:31Everyone.
11:32You even.
11:33I don't care if you had a wheel gown in a wheelchair.
11:38I'll never lay down for you.
11:40I'll never do the job for you.
11:42I'll never put you over because I've been in this company for six years.
11:46You've been in this company for about four months and it was me.
11:49And guys like me breaking their backs for people like this.
11:53So shove it up your ass.
11:58That's not business.
11:59We don't just punch Tommy Dreamer right in the small way.
12:06I want you now.
12:07Six years to nothing.
12:09I don't think we have a pension plan.
12:12Come on Tommy.
12:14Where's your pride?
12:16Dreamer was helpless.
12:17Come on.
12:18You are nothing.
12:20You are nothing.
12:21You are nothing.
12:22You're nothing.
12:23You're nothing.
12:28Just taking everything Carino has.
12:31He can't fight back.
12:32He's a cripple.
12:33Tommy is one prideful, tough kid from the streets of Yonkers, New York.
12:50And if you think he was gonna take that kind of crap off Steve Carino,
12:53you've got another thing coming.
12:55This is typical.
12:56The veteran trying to hold back the young talent.
12:58He should have put him over.
13:01What's this?
13:03I think you've been here.
13:04Francine's Bronco.
13:05.
13:07Jerry on the top of experience, that's a tight spot to be in.
13:11Excuse me?
13:12Carino wants a piece of Francine.
13:15Right hand.
13:16Swinging DDT.
13:20.
13:25Francine just the best.
13:27It's Kajiri.
13:28It's Kajiri.
13:29Yoshihiro, Kajiri's in the ring.
13:31He just kicked Tommy Dreamer.
13:33Tajiri kicks Tommy Dreamer again.
13:36Dreamer is down.
13:38Francine, stay away from him.
13:40.
13:41Dammit, he just late kicked Francine.
13:43And Jack Victory's up out of the wheelchair.
13:46Oh my God, he's up, he's walking.
13:48He's got Francine.
13:50Jack Victory and Ryno are holding up Francine.
13:53Tajiri kicked Tommy Dreamer in the small of the back.
13:58And then right in the head with those lethal kicks.
14:01No one kicks harder than Yoshihiro Tajiri.
14:03What's this now?
14:10Tajiri now slapping the tarantula on Tommy Dreamer.
14:14Is Tommy Dreamer's career truly over?
14:32Will he get the surgery his back so desperately needs?
14:48What happened when Taz got his hands on Yoshihiro Tajiri?
14:53What did the human suplex machine do that may cost him the World Heavyweight Championship and his job as well?
15:01How are the Dudley boys involved in that decision?
15:05Who went through the flaming table?
15:08What happened when Mr. PPD, RVD, teamed with the new effin' show Jerry Lynch against the Impact players Lance Storm and Just Incredible?
15:21And what do you think happened when these three men were in the same ring at the same time?
15:29And how does all of this affect the September 19th ECW Anarchy Rules Pay Per View?
15:37All these questions and more will be answered tonight on Extreme Championship Wrestling.
15:51Extreme Championship Wrestling!
17:17That were broadcast live on pay-per-view to the entire world.
17:21ECW Heat Wave 1999 from the Harrah Arena in Dayton, Ohio.
17:26In this hour, we will show you how Taz absolutely snapped and tried to destroy Yoshihiro Tajiri
17:33in a fit of rage unlike we have ever seen, even from Taz.
17:38But before we do so, history was made in Dayton, Ohio.
17:42Bowles Mahoney and little Spike Dudley knew they were getting their very last title shot
17:49at the six-time ECW World Tag Team Champions, Bubba Ray and Devon, the Dudley Boys.
17:57The question was, did the estranged half-brother of Bubba Ray and Devon have the balls big enough
18:03to leave the Harrah with the championship straps?
18:06Let's take a look back at Heat Wave 99.
18:10The Dudley Boys are the six-time ECW World Tag Team Champions.
18:17And as usual on this night, Bubba Ray and Devon taunted the crowd.
18:24And as usual on this night, the Dudleys took it too far, challenging the entire audience to fight them.
18:35Falls Mahoney and Spike Dudley knew this was their last chance at the World Tag Team Championship.
18:45This match, as expected, turned into an all-out fight.
18:52Nothing, nothing was considered too intense, too severe, too hardcore, too extreme for this bloody war.
19:02But as the Dudleys were prepared to end this massacre,
19:06Balls and Spike utilized an inside cradle and a schoolboy to win the World Tag Team title.
19:14Bubba smashed Spike with the Tag Team Championship belt.
19:19And the Dudleys laid out Balls with 3D.
19:24They power-bombed Spike through a flaming table,
19:28which brought out the return of New Jack,
19:33who tore into the Dudleys and sent them packing out of Dayton, Ohio.
19:40New Jack cleaned house, checked on Balls,
19:45and raised the hand of the new ECW Tag Team Champions of the World,
19:53Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley.
19:57That's right, Spike.
20:08Let me tell you something, Dudleys.
20:10Winning these tag belts from you was better than watching SportsCenter
20:13and my Lazy Boy with two naked lesbian strippers sitting on my lap.
20:20It was?
20:21Of course it was!
20:24Cool.
20:24Bye.
20:28I love you.
20:29So new World Tag Team Champions were crowned in Balls Mahoney and little Spike Dudley.
20:34And before that match-up, Bubba Ray and Ivan got on the microphone
20:37and damn near almost caused a riot at the Harrah Arena.
20:41And behind the scenes, they sent television executives into an uproar.
20:45So although it was a great pay-per-view,
20:47things behind the scenes were a little tense.
20:49What we didn't need is what Taz did
20:51while he defended the World Heavyweight title against Yoshihiro Tajiri.
20:56Here now, a recap of the World Heavyweight title match-up.
21:00With two herniated discs in his back,
21:03the innovator of violence, Tommy Dreamer, knew he was finished
21:07when Yoshihiro Tajiri locked the tarantula on him at Heat Wave 99.
21:14So when Taz's music played, Dreamer wouldn't let Tajiri release the hold.
21:22He held on to Tajiri, fighting back the pain so that Taz could take Tajiri out.
21:29The World Heavyweight Champion demonstrated to Steve Carino's latest assassin
21:36that many people can throw a suplex,
21:39but only one man in wrestling can execute a Taz-flex.
21:44But Tajiri came back with a handspring elbow,
21:49catching the champion off guard,
21:51and followed up with an acai moonsault into the crowd.
21:56Taz rebounded with an overhead belly-to-belly off the turnbuckle,
22:01and then threw Tajiri onto Carino's stablemate, Rhino.
22:07He beat up Jack Victory with a Victory's own wheelchair,
22:11only to be blindsided by Tajiri.
22:15Taz and Tajiri waste a roar on the ramp way,
22:20and the 248-pounder from Brooklyn, New York,
22:24Taz let Tajiri through a table.
22:28He chased Steve Carino,
22:30and noticed the barbed wire on the entranceway.
22:35Slicing his own hands to shreds,
22:38Taz tore down the barbed wire.
22:42Before we continue with stills from the World Heavyweight Title matchup,
22:45I'd like to warn you that they are graphic and very real,
22:48and they weren't even broadcast on pay-per-view.
22:51So, you know, you may not want to look at them.
22:53You may want to actually turn your head.
22:55But here now, stills, we feel the need to air.
23:00ECW is very proud of the fact
23:03that unlike in the WWF and WCW,
23:07almost every match in Extreme Championship Wrestling
23:10ends with a conclusive winner.
23:13This match did not.
23:16Taz took the barbed wire,
23:20stuffed it into the mouth of Yoshihiro Tajiri,
23:24and then applied the katahajime.
23:28It took several officials to pull Taz off of the challenger.
23:33He even threw Judge Jeff Jones into the crowd
23:38when the judge was trying to get an interview.
23:40Taz raised his bloody hands,
23:44but he was not the victor,
23:46nor was he the loser.
23:48The match was ruled a very rare for ECW no contest.
23:54The war between Taz and Tajiri
23:57has just begun.
24:00Sunday night, July 18th.
24:06It's a night that Taz really crossed over the line,
24:10and we will have comments from the World Heavyweight Champion
24:12at the end of this program.
24:13When we come back,
24:14highlights of a tag team war
24:17pitting the Impact players,
24:18Justin Credible,
24:20and Landstorm against Mr. PPV,
24:22the World Television Champion,
24:23Rob Van Dam,
24:24and his unlikely tag team partner,
24:27the new effin' show,
24:29Jerry Lynn,
24:30who had these comments.
24:32Let's get one thing straight.
24:35I don't like Rob Van Dam,
24:37and I never will like Rob Van Dam,
24:39but I respect the hell out of him,
24:42and for that reason only,
24:44it's why I've chosen him to be my tag team partner,
24:46because I know firsthand
24:48what kind of punishment he can deliver in the ring.
24:52And the two men in ECW that I detest most,
24:57Lance Storm and Justin Credible,
25:00tonight,
25:01you two are about to get your asses smoked.
25:05So go ahead.
25:06Go interview Mr. PPV.
25:08What do you like?
25:10I like both of them.
25:11Now, me and Sabu decided it.
25:13That's right, that's right.
25:15Everybody's favorite wrestler,
25:16Rob Van Dam.
25:18We'll be teaming tonight with Jerry Lynn,
25:21with or without your permission.
25:23Daddy!
25:24And you better make Sabu understand that, too.
25:27Do we understand it?
25:28Wait a minute, Sabu.
25:29Sabu, we decided already it was okay.
25:33Rob Van Dam says what he wants.
25:34I'm Mr. Pay-Per-View.
25:35I'm the world television champion,
25:37and I got enough pull around here to do what I want,
25:40and I don't need your permission.
25:42If you got a problem with it, Sabu,
25:43do what you gotta do.
25:45That's right, Sabu.
25:45You keep it up,
25:46because you're about one inch away
25:48from me showing you, Sabu.
25:50I'm the whole team.
25:56The 1999 Heat Wave pay-per-view
25:59from the Harrah Arena in Dayton, Ohio,
26:02saw Justin Credible
26:04team with Lance Storm.
26:06The Impact players accompanied to the ring
26:09by Dawn Marie Bitch.
26:12That's B-Y-P-C-H.
26:15Their opponents, the whole effing show.
26:19Rob Van Dam and the new effing show,
26:24Jerry Lynn with Bill Alfonso
26:27trying to keep the peace.
26:29In a rematch of last year's Heat Wave in Dayton,
26:34Justin Credible and Jerry Lynn
26:36started off for their respective teams.
26:40This would provide us
26:41with the very first opportunity
26:44to see Justin Credible
26:46and Rob Van Dam in the same match.
26:50But when Lynn tagged in Van Dam,
26:53Justin high-tailed it out of the ring.
26:55He didn't just back up,
26:59he ran out of the ring.
27:02But despite Justin Credible's cowardice,
27:06this match did see
27:08four of the best this sport has to offer.
27:14Each man with something to prove to the other.
27:17Every man in some way
27:21trying to one-up the other side.
27:24Every man in some way
27:27trying to one-up his own partner as well.
27:32And for over 20 minutes,
27:34the fans in Dayton, Ohio
27:36and live on pay-per-view
27:39witnessed a match
27:41that was nothing short of a classic.
27:44After Justin Credible missed the move,
27:56Bill Alfonso got him on a table.
27:59Rob Van Dam,
28:01who had waited the entire match
28:03to get his hands
28:05on Justin Credible,
28:07was about to put Justin through a table
28:10when the suicidal,
28:12homicidal,
28:14genocidal,
28:15death-defying,
28:16and banned
28:17Sabu
28:19came out of nowhere
28:20and put Credible through the table.
28:24Landstorm moved away
28:26and Jerry Lynn
28:28got hit
28:29with a five-star frog splash
28:32from which he actually kicked out
28:35of Landstorm's cover.
28:37But Rob Van Dam
28:39hit the Van Daminator
28:41on the native of Calgary,
28:44Alberta, Canada,
28:45and Jerry Lynn
28:46hit a cradle pile driver
28:49for the win.
28:50After the match,
28:52Sabu,
28:53Van Dam,
28:54and Jerry Lynn
28:56came face-to-face
28:58to face
29:00in the center
29:01of the ring.
29:03You know,
29:05still frames really don't do
29:06that situation justice.
29:07So when we come back,
29:08actual footage
29:09of what happened
29:11with Sabu,
29:12Rob Van Dam,
29:13and Jerry Lynn
29:14in the same ring
29:15at the same time
29:17as we recap
29:18Heat Wave 99.
29:20Just incredible.
29:22You have got to be
29:24the biggest coward
29:25I have ever seen.
29:27And Landstorm,
29:28you are the biggest waste
29:31of great talent
29:32this sport has ever seen.
29:34You could own this sport
29:36if you'd just pull
29:38your head out of your ass.
29:40Speaking of which,
29:41I guess I need to pull
29:41my own head
29:42out of my own ass
29:43for believing in you,
29:45Rob Van Dam.
29:49No.
29:50You didn't double-cross me.
29:52You didn't turn on me.
29:54You just left me out there
29:55to absorb all the punishment.
29:56But I smoked
29:58both their asses.
30:00And I scored the pinfall.
30:03Does that bother you, Rob?
30:06Does that just get
30:07under your skin
30:07just a little bit?
30:10I know what you're thinking.
30:11Hey, what's Jerry
30:13complaining about?
30:15Got his hands
30:16on Landstorm.
30:17Got his hands
30:18on Justin Credible.
30:20Even got to duke it out
30:21with RVD.
30:24So, maybe everyone's right.
30:27Maybe I am a little bitter.
30:30Or is that better, Rob?
30:34And that, my friend,
30:36is something you're
30:38going to have to come
30:39to terms with.
30:44Jerry Lynn has a very
30:45interesting perspective
30:46of what went down
30:48this past Sunday night
30:49as we were just about
30:50to go off the air
30:51with Weight Wave 99
30:52at 10.45 Eastern
30:54PM.
30:55Take a look at the
30:56closing moments
30:56of the pay-per-view.
30:58It was the fan
30:59dominator
31:00and the power driver
31:02and the impact
31:04players are being
31:05stopped in their
31:06crutches.
31:06Sabu can't be happy that Rob Van Dam
31:24agreed to team with Jerry Lynn.
31:29Obviously, Rob Van Dam
31:30and Jerry Lynn
31:31don't care for one another.
31:32Sabu
31:33jumped Rob Van Dam
31:34into Jerry Lynn.
31:35Jerry Lynn tears
31:37into Rob Van Dam.
31:38Sabu tears in.
31:41Well, here we go.
31:43Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Jerry Lynn
31:48all over one another.
31:53It was only a matter of time
32:03before the team of Jerry Lynn
32:05and Rob Van Dam
32:06exploded.
32:06It was like TNT
32:10waiting to explode us.
32:13And Sabu was the
32:15blasting cat.
32:18Sometimes in life,
32:31we've got to take one step
32:32backwards to move
32:33three steps forward.
32:35That's what we did tonight.
32:38Because you see,
32:38this company's going
32:39national and we're
32:40taking it over.
32:42Nobody's going to stop us.
32:44Sandman tried.
32:45He's out of here.
32:47Shane Douglas tried.
32:47We ran him out of town.
32:50Tommy Dreamer tried.
32:52We ran him into a hospital bed.
32:54That leaves Jerry Lynn,
32:57Rob Van Dam,
32:58and Sabu.
33:00Neither one of them
33:01can stop us on their own.
33:03And after tonight,
33:04there's egos clashing
33:05all over the place.
33:06So the forces against us
33:07are no longer unified.
33:09It's the age-old story.
33:11Divide and conquer.
33:13If we can't beat you physically,
33:15we're going to beat you mentally.
33:16If we can't beat you mentally,
33:18we'll just beat you physically.
33:19We're either going to do
33:20one or the other.
33:22Now that may sound
33:22like a pretty cocky statement,
33:24but I'm not just some
33:25dumb schmuck off the street.
33:27I'm a professional athlete
33:28trained in Calgary,
33:30Alberta, Canada.
33:31And that's not just the coolest.
33:34That's not just the best.
33:36My friends,
33:38that's just incredible.
33:44Mr. Monday Night,
33:45live, a pay-per-view.
33:47And they know how.
33:48He waved 99.
33:49You stole the show again.
33:51How do you do it every night,
33:52Mr. Monday Night?
33:53Tell me, baby.
33:54Another successful pay-per-view
33:56carried by the world's
33:58favorite superstar,
33:59Rob Van Dam.
34:02Matter of fact,
34:03I'm carrying this company
34:04to National Exposure Funds.
34:07Does that mean
34:08I get to call you
34:09Mr. T and then, daddy?
34:10That's right.
34:11Everybody now gets to see
34:13the world's greatest athlete
34:15Friday nights
34:16on a national television show.
34:17Eight o'clock, I heard, daddy.
34:19Because you can't hold
34:19this much talent back.
34:20Hey, Jerry Lynn.
34:23Now, I know you appreciate me
34:24beating Justin and Lance
34:26for you at the pay-per-view.
34:28Don't take it so personal, Jerry.
34:30I mean, I only did that
34:32to teach some people a lesson.
34:34But wait a minute.
34:35No more titles.
34:36I thought we made that pretty much.
34:37You don't understand, Fonzie.
34:39What I'm trying to say
34:40is that some people
34:42don't understand
34:43who's in control here.
34:45Some people don't understand
34:46whose title this is.
34:48Rob Van Dam does
34:49what he wants to do.
34:50As a matter of fact, Jerry Lynn,
34:51I meant to tell you, by the way,
34:53any time that you want
34:54another shot at the title,
34:56I'm more than willing to put
34:57the world television title
34:59on the line.
35:00I mean, you don't have
35:02a problem with that,
35:02do you, Fonzie?
35:03I mean, I am in control, right?
35:05Oh, wait a minute.
35:08I don't want another shot.
35:10I want you to be my partner.
35:11Well, I guess we took care
35:13of that then, don't we?
35:14Hey.
35:14Yeah, yeah.
35:15We're done with Jerry Lynn.
35:16At least I am.
35:17Well, who else?
35:18I mean, who's coming up now?
35:20Yeah, we're done with Jerry Lynn.
35:22I don't know who is.
35:23You know what?
35:24I'll line him up
35:25and you can talk him down, Eddie.
35:26I think Sabu might want
35:29a shot at the title, Fonzie.
35:30You know what I'm saying?
35:32I mean, my lip kind of feels like,
35:34that's right,
35:35he punched me tonight,
35:36didn't you, Sabu?
35:37It's kind of an accident.
35:38That's his nature.
35:39Sabu, uh, right?
35:42I am Rob Van Damme.
35:45And you're not.
35:47And now, I know you're jealous
35:49because I'm the world television champion,
35:51but come on.
35:52I mean, I got you a belt a while ago.
35:53What did you do?
35:54You lost it.
35:56I'm going to teach you
35:57some English, Sabu.
35:58the whole
35:59show.
36:03Work with him on that
36:04a little bit later,
36:04will you, Fonzie?
36:05Let's wrap this up, man.
36:06Yeah, we'll wrap it up.
36:08Sabu, um,
36:10I beat everybody that I wrestle.
36:13And in case you didn't know that,
36:14or you might have known it
36:15and forgot because I know
36:16that your thinking pattern
36:18is a little different
36:18than everybody else,
36:19you might need just
36:20a friendly little reminder.
36:22I'm talking about Sabu.
36:23You know, I'm talking about Sabu.
36:24What is his deal?
36:25Is he jealous or what?
36:26No, it's right down the middle.
36:27I know you and Sabu.
36:28Listen, one more time, Sabu.
36:30This is called English.
36:32Ready?
36:33The whole
36:34show.
36:37Work with him on that.
36:39Enough said.
36:44Hey, Joey,
36:45they're telling me
36:45over the headsets
36:46that they're towing your car away.
36:49Tell Joey
36:50that they're towing his car away.
36:53Dimwit.
36:55A quintessential commentary
36:57by Joel Gertner.
36:59And yes, this one is so good
37:00that I've transcribed it
37:02for ecwwrestling.com.
37:05This past weekend
37:06was a momentous weekend indeed,
37:09both in the world of sports
37:10and in the world in general.
37:13First and foremost,
37:14I lost my mask,
37:15which means that my all-knowing,
37:18bright, glowing face
37:19will now be able to be seen
37:21on television nationwide.
37:23Also, the Dudley Boys
37:25dropped the ECW
37:26World Tag Team titles.
37:28However,
37:28with my guidance
37:29and supervision,
37:31a seventh title reign
37:32is not far behind.
37:35Also in the world of sports,
37:37David Cohn
37:37pitched a perfect game.
37:39However,
37:40none of the things
37:41that I've just mentioned
37:42got any attention,
37:44and the reason is
37:45that they were all obscured
37:46by the death
37:47of John F. Kennedy Jr.
37:50And you know,
37:51we always hear about
37:52a ratings war
37:53in professional wrestling,
37:55but really,
37:56there must be
37:57a big battle going on
37:58in the world
37:59of network news,
38:00because for a story
38:01about an unfortunate death,
38:03this, unfortunately,
38:05is the story
38:06that just won't die.
38:08First,
38:09they tell you all
38:10about the cockpit,
38:11and oh yes,
38:12it was a cockpit indeed.
38:14And they tell you
38:15about the size
38:16and how small it is.
38:17I personally am not here
38:18to attest to the size
38:21of John John's cockpit
38:22or John John's John John,
38:26but perhaps you could ask
38:28the Bissette sisters
38:28about that.
38:30After all,
38:31altitude wasn't the only thing
38:32going down on that flight.
38:36And you know,
38:36a Piper Saratoga
38:38really isn't all that small
38:40when the two passengers
38:41are both sitting
38:42in the pilot's lap.
38:44Pilot?
38:45What pilot, you ask?
38:46I agree.
38:48Of the three people
38:49on the flight,
38:50the total flight experience
38:51that they had
38:52was 200 hours.
38:54That's like eight days.
38:57I mean,
38:57nobody can learn anything
38:58in 200 hours.
39:00Just ask Joey Styles.
39:01He's done over 200 hours
39:03of ECW TV,
39:04and he still can't do his job.
39:07You people at home
39:08can spend 400 hours
39:10dancing in front of your mirror,
39:12wearing nothing but lingerie.
39:13It doesn't make you Madonna,
39:15and it never will.
39:17So why raise the bar
39:18on expectations
39:19for JFK Jr.?
39:21And oh yeah,
39:22speaking of bar,
39:23why would you fly
39:25with anybody
39:26who needed an answer key,
39:29a crooked professor,
39:31and 37 tries
39:32just to pass
39:33the New York City bar exam?
39:36I'll bet Ted Kennedy
39:37wouldn't have needed
39:38that many tries.
39:39After all,
39:40Ted Kennedy's passed
39:41by every bar
39:42in the New York City area.
39:45Personally,
39:46call me a genius,
39:48and you'd be right.
39:50But regardless
39:51of who the pilot is,
39:52I'm not flying
39:53in an airplane
39:54that looks as if
39:55it could be powered
39:56by two AAA batteries
39:58and a gallon
39:59of skim milk.
40:00Oh, and back
40:00to Ted Kennedy.
40:01You know,
40:02in the last 30 years
40:03in the United States,
40:05we've managed
40:05to turn eight tracks
40:07into cassettes,
40:08cassettes into CDs,
40:09and CDs into DVDs.
40:12But yet,
40:13our female population
40:15still hasn't figured out
40:16that the best way
40:18to get from here
40:19to there
40:19is not to have
40:21your trip be handled
40:22by the Kennedy
40:23Travel and Tourism Board.
40:25And why all this attention
40:27for John John, anyway?
40:29Because when he was
40:30three years old,
40:31back in 1963,
40:33which is before
40:34anybody watching this
40:35was born,
40:37he was brave enough
40:38to salute
40:39the man who, yes,
40:41sent our nation
40:42into Vietnam
40:43and, yes,
40:45deprived us all
40:46of the beauteous virtues
40:48of Marilyn Monroe.
40:49In fact,
40:51John Kennedy's
40:51true calling
40:52would have been
40:54to be the innovator
40:55of making it cool
40:57to get some
40:58oral service
40:59in the Oval Office.
41:03Now, yes,
41:03I would be afraid
41:05to upset
41:06or offend
41:07or insult
41:08any of the remaining
41:09family members
41:10or relatives
41:11of the Kennedys
41:12that I've mentioned.
41:14But none of them
41:15are left.
41:16And if John F. Kennedy Jr.
41:17himself were found
41:18right now,
41:19he would probably
41:20have his pants
41:21around his ankles
41:21and be covered
41:22by both Bessette sisters,
41:24the corpse
41:25of Marilyn Monroe
41:26and the chick
41:27from the Chappaquiddick River
41:28just because she was curious
41:30who the better Kennedy was.
41:33And if John F. Kennedy
41:35were found alive today,
41:37he would echo
41:39all of these sentiments
41:40and praise my wisdom
41:42and he would say
41:44which translates to,
41:50you know,
41:51I wish I never dumped
41:52Daryl Hannah
41:53because in that movie
41:53Splash,
41:54she had mermaid fins
41:55that I would have been
41:55able to hang onto
41:56and swim to the top.
41:58Here's the point.
41:59In JFK's honor, don't search that same three-mile piece of land for the next three years,
42:07and don't give the third degree to every shark swimming those waters, asking them what the
42:13flavor or hair color of their last Friday's late supper snack was. America, don't stop on the side
42:22of the interstate to watch the wreckage. Drop your Jerry Springer mentality. And please,
42:29if you still have the need to feed your gluttony of gore, peel your eyes away from Martha's
42:39effin' vineyard, because all you have to do is watch ECFNW.
42:48You watch wrestling, you watch pay-per-views, and everybody talks about, I'm hardcore, I'm
42:55gonna get extreme. I'm really mean, and I can use chairs and tables. And now in ECW, we invented
43:03that, right? So now we gotta up it. So we take tables and burn them. And Taz comes out and
43:12says, his hands are his weapons, which they are. Especially this one. Because this is the
43:20hand that took barbwire and stuck it down your throat, Tajiri. Everybody says, oh, wrestling's
43:31popular now again. Kids love pro wrestling. I got news for your mom and dad. Don't have
43:38your kid. Watch me. I ain't your role model. I stuck barbwire down his throat. Why? Two reasons.
43:47One, I wanted to. Two, he laid me out in my hometown. And then I hear, wrestling's fake.
43:58Well, someone needs to teach me that. Because it's real to me. And Tajiri, what also is real
44:05is that you can't eat any sushi. Because your mouth is cut up like my hand. I can't even
44:14lift my baby son. Because my hand is stitched up. And it's worth it. It was worth it. And
44:21it's going to be worth it again, Tajiri. Again. Because it ain't over. You're getting a shot
44:27at this. Not next month. Not next year when I want. And it's real soon, brother. Because
44:36I'm just starting with you. I'm just starting with you. I told you, don't play with me.
44:43Steve Carino. You pushed me. You tried me. Now it's on. I told you. I told you. I told
44:51you. But you didn't listen. You figured I was coming out here, doing a gimmick and working.
44:57I don't do that s***. I'm gonna beat the living hell out of you again. And again. And again.
45:08And again. You can't beat me, brother. You can't fight me. You ain't in my league. And
45:16Steve Carino. It is just a matter of time before I get both of these hands on your scrawny
45:24piece of s*** body. And I'm gonna take you out. You can bring all these schmucks with
45:31you. Guys in wheelchairs. Big puffed up idiots. Tall guys. Skinny guys. Fat guys. Short
45:38Short guys. Bring them. Bring them. Bring them. I want more. Bring me some s***. Bring
45:45me somebody to eat. Bring me somebody to beat. Tajiri. They're saying they might yank this
45:57from me. They're saying I might lose my job. Pah. Yeah, right. Lose my job, my ass. And
46:05I'm gonna take this from me. Who? Who's gonna take it from me? You gotta beat me for it.
46:12You gotta stretch me for it. And now when I look around, there ain't nobody back there
46:17that can beat me. Cause ain't nobody done it. You see, I don't claim to be impact. I don't
46:27claim to be the f***ing show. I don't claim to be the new show. I don't claim to be an
46:34innovator. I claim one thing. Miserable, angry, mean, mother s***. That's what I am. One thing. One.
46:49Tajiri, it's just begun. Beat me if you can. Survive if I let you. Brother, you survived by that much. What makes you think it ain't this much next time?
47:16See you next time.