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00:01:44He's, uh, very susceptible.
00:01:46That's kind of a great susceptible.
00:01:49Maybe my it isn't working today.
00:01:52The day isn't over yet.
00:01:55What do you mean?
00:01:56As night draws on, at 8 o'clock to be precise, he changes.
00:02:00Changes? How?
00:02:01Well, during the day, Mr. Smith is a lawyer, a businessman.
00:02:05But at 8 o'clock, the little bird starts singing in his soul, and he begins to bloom.
00:02:10Bloom?
00:02:11Any pretty woman can twist him around a finger.
00:02:14Any pretty woman?
00:02:17But the prettier she is, the more twisted he gets.
00:02:22It's what they call prenatal influence.
00:02:24Oh, that's a new alibi for an old complaint.
00:02:27You notice the lady of the song is called Madeline.
00:02:30That's Mrs. Smith's name also.
00:02:32And, uh, mother-in-law's idea is to keep Hubbard's mind on his apt wife.
00:02:37Exactly.
00:02:37Andrews?
00:02:39Yes, sir?
00:02:41His mind is very active tonight.
00:02:52Audubon, two, four, five, six.
00:02:55Yes, please.
00:02:56And, uh, from all I hear, it won't cost you any more than a smile or two.
00:03:11That sounds great, Mindy.
00:03:23Who is he?
00:03:26I say, who is he and where can I find him?
00:03:29He's the lawyer I started working for today.
00:03:31Mr. Richard Smith.
00:03:33You know the address.
00:03:33And, uh, Diane, get here by eight o'clock.
00:03:39Yes, eight o'clock.
00:03:42Will you come?
00:03:43Sure, I'll be there.
00:03:44Oh, Miss Miller.
00:04:02Mr. Smith wants you to bring your notebook and pencil.
00:04:04More dictation?
00:04:07Remarkable.
00:04:08How active his mind is tonight.
00:04:09It's nearly eight o'clock.
00:04:11You had better hurry.
00:04:12Hurry nothing.
00:04:14I want to see how a man acts when he, uh, blooms.
00:04:27Good evening, Andrews.
00:04:28I hope you haven't kept Fred waiting for me.
00:04:30No, ma'am.
00:04:31Is Mr. Smith finished yet?
00:04:32He's having a dessert in his room.
00:04:34Dessert in his room, eh?
00:04:36Well, thank heaven I got home before eight o'clock.
00:04:38Yes, ma'am.
00:04:38Just a minute, Andrews.
00:04:39I'll take this.
00:04:40It's a new photograph record.
00:04:42But we must not let him grow tired of the other one.
00:04:44No, ma'am.
00:04:45A man can't be reminded too much of anything.
00:04:48Even a wife.
00:04:59Dessert in his room, eh?
00:05:01Pardon me, were you looking for someone?
00:05:04Well, certainly not for you.
00:05:06I had no idea that Mr. Smith was entertaining lady friends.
00:05:10Well, I'd hardly say I'd gotten that far.
00:05:20I'm only here on trial.
00:05:22Trial?
00:05:24Yes.
00:05:25He promised that if I made good today, he'd keep me.
00:05:30Keep you?
00:05:31Oh, I see.
00:05:35You're the new secretary.
00:05:37Well, of course.
00:05:38What did you think?
00:05:39Well, if you knew my son-in-law as I know him, you wouldn't blame me for having this judge,
00:05:43Joe.
00:05:44You don't mean he's a passion flower?
00:05:46Well, he's no geranium.
00:05:50And if you're wise, you won't stay here another minute.
00:05:52I don't mind.
00:05:55I get paid double for it.
00:05:57Nothing could pay you for what might happen.
00:06:00You're not at all the sort of a young woman that should be around here after eight o'clock.
00:06:05You'd be surprised.
00:06:07Andrews?
00:06:10Andrews!
00:06:11We're in the name of Santa!
00:06:13Andrews!
00:06:14Yes, yes, sir.
00:06:16Yes, sir.
00:06:16The hopper on my filing cabinet's all broken.
00:06:18All my important papers all over the floor.
00:06:20Yeah, I'm up at once.
00:06:20Yes, sir.
00:06:21At once.
00:06:21Yes, sir.
00:06:22Miss Mitter, you have those papers ready for my signature?
00:06:27Not yet, Mr. Smith.
00:06:28You see, your mother-in-law...
00:06:29Oh, hang my mother-in-law.
00:06:33Yes, sir.
00:06:34Huh?
00:06:36Oh, hello, Mother.
00:06:38Oh, Mother, pardon my English.
00:06:40I thought you were in Newark.
00:06:41Well, sorry to disappoint you.
00:06:43But, Richard, if you're not too busy, I would like just a word with you.
00:06:46One word?
00:06:47Well, that's unusual, Mother.
00:06:48What is it?
00:06:48I want to see you alone.
00:06:50Well, that's impossible at the present moment, Mother.
00:06:51Impossible.
00:06:52But, Richard, I have something very important to tell you.
00:06:54Miss Mitter, Miss Mitter, please.
00:06:55What did you do with those papers in the Randall murder case?
00:06:57Richard, I have a surprise for you.
00:06:59Oh, you're going home.
00:07:01Oh, I'm sorry.
00:07:02Mother, please.
00:07:03Can't you see that I'm busy with Miss Mitter?
00:07:05Miss Mitter, busy, please.
00:07:06Busy, busy, busy.
00:07:07Hmm.
00:07:08Busy.
00:07:09Mother, your suspicions hurt me.
00:07:11Now, what possible objection can you have to Miss Mitter?
00:07:13Well, I don't like her wiggle.
00:07:15Her what?
00:07:15Her wiggle.
00:07:16Her walk.
00:07:16Oh, I haven't noticed it.
00:07:18Miss Mitter, wiggle.
00:07:19That is, walk, please.
00:07:21Oh, that will do.
00:07:27Never do that again during business hours.
00:07:28Never.
00:07:31Now, come, Mother.
00:07:32Come.
00:07:33Run along.
00:07:34Run along like a good little girl,
00:07:35and I promise you the only thing that she'll wiggle is her corona.
00:07:39But, Richard, now we must have our talk.
00:07:43You'll send for me when she leaves?
00:07:44I will, Mother.
00:07:45I will, if you'll promise not to come until I send for you.
00:07:48All right, Richard, dear.
00:07:50Remember, I trust you.
00:07:54Since when?
00:07:59Now, Miss Mitter, where were we?
00:08:01I, um...
00:08:02Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:08:04Oh, yes.
00:08:06Mm-hmm.
00:08:06Remarkable speech of Richard Smith in the Randall murder case.
00:08:08Hmm.
00:08:09The eminent lawyer.
00:08:10Hmm.
00:08:12Oh, my word.
00:08:14Why, that's a picture of me.
00:08:17Why, you couldn't tell me from the murderer.
00:08:19You know, I could sue a firm like this.
00:08:20Sue them for libel.
00:08:22Come, come, come, come, come, come.
00:08:23To work.
00:08:24Dictation.
00:08:25Take a letter.
00:08:26You ready?
00:08:27Shoot.
00:08:28I...
00:08:28Dignity, please, Miss Mitter, during office hours.
00:08:32I'll try it again.
00:08:33Are you ready?
00:08:34Yes, Mr. Smith.
00:08:35That's better.
00:08:36Mr. George Spelden, Elizabethtown, New York, dear sir.
00:08:39Got that?
00:08:39Just a minute.
00:08:40Miss Mitter, what is the matter?
00:08:42Mr. Smith.
00:08:43Mr. George Spelden was the name.
00:08:45Elizabethtown, New York, dear sir.
00:08:47I am in receipt of your proposition,
00:08:49offering me $1,000 to assist you in the defense of your client
00:08:53accused of, uh, of, uh, dear me, what was that accusation?
00:08:56Uh, murder.
00:08:57Don't tell me.
00:09:00Your suggestion that two weeks in the country
00:09:02would be almost a day to...
00:09:03...action.
00:09:05Period.
00:09:07We'll make the fee $2,000 and cut the vacation.
00:09:11Gleaming lakes and rose gardens do not appeal to me,
00:09:14as I am a businessman.
00:09:16Strictly business.
00:09:17Strictly business.
00:09:18Strictly business.
00:09:19Strictly business.
00:09:20Strictly business.
00:09:21Strictly business.
00:09:22Strictly business.
00:09:23Strictly business.
00:09:24Strictly business.
00:09:25Strictly business.
00:09:26Strictly business.
00:09:27Strictly business.
00:09:28Strictly business.
00:09:29Strictly business.
00:09:30Strictly business.
00:09:31Strictly business.
00:09:32Strictly business.
00:09:33Strictly business.
00:09:34Strictly business.
00:09:35Strictly business.
00:09:36Strictly business.
00:09:37Strictly business.
00:09:38Strictly business.
00:09:39Strictly business.
00:09:40Strictly business.
00:09:41Strictly business.
00:09:42Strictly business.
00:09:43Strictly business.
00:09:44Strictly business.
00:09:45Strictly business.
00:09:46That letter can wait, Miss Minter. Take a note.
00:09:51Miss Lucille Darling, the Vanderbilt Hotel, New York City.
00:09:54Have you got that?
00:09:55Just a minute.
00:09:56Take your time, Miss Minter. Take your time.
00:10:00My dear Miss Darling,
00:10:02I called at your apartment last Tuesday night four times between the hours of 8 and 12.
00:10:09When you make an appointment with me, you should not fool me.
00:10:12Will you please return my blue silk pajamas?
00:10:16Mr. Smith!
00:10:19Which I loaned you for the art students' ball.
00:10:25Very disrespectfully, Richard...
00:10:28But you know my name, Miss Minter. I don't have to tell you.
00:10:32We'll call it a day, shall we?
00:10:35It's been a very hard day, too.
00:10:36I wonder, do you feel like a cordial?
00:10:38Very cordial.
00:10:40Oh, you little wisecracker.
00:10:43You may wiggle for me if you like.
00:10:46Yes, that'll do.
00:10:53Mother was right.
00:10:55A very dangerous woman.
00:10:58Doubly dangerous.
00:11:00Andrews!
00:11:04Oh, Andrews!
00:11:08Andrews, bring a cordial.
00:11:09You said you'd give me a day's trial.
00:11:10How do you like my hand?
00:11:10Oh, would you please?
00:11:11Sorry, sir.
00:11:11But there's not a drink in the house.
00:11:13Mrs. Mantle's ordered, sir.
00:11:16Oh, how stupid.
00:11:18But you weren't thirsty anyway, were you?
00:11:20No.
00:11:21But she didn't say anything about nothing being on the hip.
00:11:26Good old Andrews.
00:11:28Your Andrews is a perfect container.
00:11:30I mean, retainer.
00:11:32Bring some glasses, will you, Andrews?
00:11:35Yes, sir.
00:11:35Well, you said you'd give me a day's trial.
00:11:39How do you like my work?
00:11:40A little rough, but sincere.
00:11:43You consider yourself engaged.
00:11:46Thank you, Andrews.
00:11:48You're quite sure that this is fit for a lady?
00:11:51That'll fit anybody, sir.
00:11:52Say no more.
00:11:54Will you want me any more this evening, sir?
00:11:58Not this evening.
00:12:00Thank you, sir.
00:12:06Loose moments.
00:12:11You know, Miss Mittert,
00:12:13all great men must have their moments of relaxation.
00:12:16And the greater the man, the greater the moment.
00:12:18Are you suggesting anything?
00:12:21Anything.
00:12:27Do you like dancing?
00:12:29I love dancing.
00:12:31Is that so?
00:12:35Loose moments.
00:12:44Mad rain, my mad rain,
00:12:47In the sky, no summer, all.
00:12:49THE END
00:13:19What have you got on tonight?
00:13:28Nothing I can't get out of. Why?
00:13:33You know, you and I and Jessie James were just made for each other.
00:13:37Oh, really?
00:13:38Yes. I wonder, I wonder, will you meet me tonight at ten?
00:13:41Ten? Where?
00:13:42The lounge in the Hotel Aster.
00:13:43We'll have a little supper, we'll have a little dance, and...
00:13:46Oh, you have a pretty mouth.
00:13:47Oh, I like your mustache.
00:13:49Really?
00:13:49Well, shall we introduce them?
00:13:59Oh, Mother.
00:14:01I see you have on your rubber heels again.
00:14:04Miss Minter just met with a serious accident, yes, Minter?
00:14:08These things are very painful, but they must be endured.
00:14:11There. You feeling better?
00:14:13Yes.
00:14:13So am I.
00:14:15Miss Minter is just leaving.
00:14:16Yes, thank you.
00:14:17Will you need me tomorrow, Mr. Smith?
00:14:19At ten. Ten at the Aster.
00:14:21Was that, Richard?
00:14:23Huh?
00:14:24Oh, I said ten o'clock.
00:14:25You said Aster.
00:14:26Did I?
00:14:27Yes, I asked her to come at ten.
00:14:29Well, I wish you, uh, good night.
00:14:33Oh, a very, very, very good night.
00:14:44Richard, I want to talk to you about something of great importance.
00:14:48Oh, this is an outrage.
00:14:51The idea of leaving important letters like this laying around on my desk.
00:14:54Andrews!
00:14:54What has happened?
00:14:55Oh, I told you.
00:14:56You know I told you.
00:14:57Of course I...
00:14:57Now look, now it's happened.
00:14:59Where are you going?
00:15:00I'm going downtown.
00:15:01My business.
00:15:01Andrews, my hat, my stick, yes.
00:15:03You're not going out of this house tonight.
00:15:05I have to, Mother.
00:15:05You don't understand.
00:15:06This is a matter of life or death.
00:15:08Andrews, if anybody telephones to me, you tell them that I've gone.
00:15:10Yes.
00:15:10He won't.
00:15:11You haven't gone.
00:15:12Ah!
00:15:19Mother, would you stoop to do a thing like that?
00:15:22I'd do anything to keep you from going out.
00:15:26You don't seem to understand.
00:15:27This is for Mrs. Roach, Mrs. Cochran Roach.
00:15:29I don't care what kind of a roach she is.
00:15:31But I'm handling all her private affairs.
00:15:33You can do it in the daytime, not at night.
00:15:35Her husband has threatened to shoot her.
00:15:36And if he does that, I'll probably lose my fee.
00:15:38And if you go, you'll probably lose your wife.
00:15:41Let me see that note.
00:15:42Never.
00:15:43This is private.
00:15:44You mean it's an alibi.
00:15:46Andrews, take Mr. Smith's hat and stick it.
00:15:48Now, Richard Smith, sit down.
00:15:55And you listen to me.
00:16:00You know I'm fond of you.
00:16:03Well, anybody can see that, Mother.
00:16:05And you promised Marilyn, as long as she was away, that you'd conduct your business here and never go out at night.
00:16:11A lawyer's life, Mother.
00:16:12You're the first one to regret it if you broke your promise to her.
00:16:15And a doctor's life.
00:16:16And you did it because you know how weak you are after 8 o'clock.
00:16:20The public demands that a certain...
00:16:21You wanted her to have a happy, contented holiday.
00:16:24I certainly did.
00:16:25Well, that's the reason you're not going out tonight.
00:16:28Oh, I'm not going out?
00:16:30Not as long as I'm here to prevent it.
00:16:32An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
00:16:35Well, in that case, Mother, you win.
00:16:37With a couple of pounds to spare.
00:16:39Richard.
00:16:40I dare say you'll think I'm a very foolish old woman.
00:16:46Oh, no, Mother.
00:16:46No, no, no.
00:16:47Not old.
00:16:48A little foolish, perhaps, but certainly not old.
00:16:52I bought you a little peasant today.
00:16:54You bought something?
00:16:55Uh-huh.
00:16:56For me?
00:16:56Well, the idea.
00:16:58Well, what was it?
00:17:00Yes.
00:17:00Well, is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?
00:17:03Just a little reminder.
00:17:05It'll make a wonderful companion piece to old Madeline.
00:17:08Baby feet.
00:17:10Uh-huh.
00:17:11Baby's footsteps on the stairs.
00:17:14Baby's footsteps on the stairs.
00:17:17I hear the love of those little feet.
00:17:22Pitty-patter, pitty-patter.
00:17:23On the stairs.
00:17:27Oh, Ma.
00:17:28Yes, Ritchie.
00:17:30That's my secret ambition.
00:17:33To hear the pitty-patter of little feet.
00:17:35Oh, Ma.
00:17:36Oh, Ritch.
00:17:39Richard, you're now independently successful, and there's no further need of economy.
00:17:44And-
00:17:45Now, Mother, don't flatter.
00:17:47Oh, Ritchie.
00:17:48Oh, I must do the pitty-patter of little feet.
00:17:52All right, Mother.
00:17:53I'll make a note of it.
00:17:57And tonight, I don't care what happens to Mrs. Cochran Roach.
00:18:01Andrews?
00:18:02Andrews?
00:18:03Oh, you see that, Mother?
00:18:05My voice is gone again.
00:18:06I've been talking altogether too much.
00:18:08Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:18:09Is there something I can do?
00:18:11No, no.
00:18:11Just let me stay in here quietly and alone and rest all by myself.
00:18:14Andrews, my dressing gown.
00:18:16Yes, sir.
00:18:17Now, there, Mother, doesn't that prove to you that I can be trusted?
00:18:19I do trust you, Richard.
00:18:21I do.
00:18:22Well, good night, Mother.
00:18:23And I'm going to look in on you every now and then to remind you of it.
00:18:26Yes.
00:18:27You look in, and I look out.
00:18:29Well, good night, Mother.
00:18:30Good night.
00:18:31Oh, and I have a surprise for you a little later on.
00:18:34Oh, that's splendid.
00:18:35Good night, Mother.
00:18:36Well, I wouldn't know she's telling you what it is.
00:18:38Well, you see, if you tell me, it won't be a surprise.
00:18:42Oh, you dear, ridiculous boy.
00:18:44Oh, I'm so glad you're in a good humor tonight.
00:18:48Oh, I'm so happy.
00:18:52Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter.
00:19:02Well, could you close your mouth long enough to tell me what you're waiting for?
00:19:06Yes, sir.
00:19:07I didn't want to tell you in front of Mrs. Mantle, sir.
00:19:10But there's a young lady waiting to see you.
00:19:12A young lady?
00:19:13Yes, sir.
00:19:14To see me?
00:19:15Yes, sir.
00:19:16What kind of a young lady?
00:19:18Well, sir, I should say a very pleasant young lady.
00:19:21Blonde hair, blue eyes, five foot two, 106, and all around 34 with...
00:19:29That'll do.
00:19:30If I want to know anything more about the young lady, I'll find it out for myself.
00:19:35What is all around 34?
00:19:37What do you want?
00:19:38Business, sir.
00:19:39She was sent by a mutual friend.
00:19:41You know as well as I do that it's long after business hour.
00:19:45And besides, my voice is gone again.
00:19:46I won't.
00:19:46I won't see anybody.
00:19:48I know, Mr. Smith, but I couldn't come any other time.
00:19:51Can't you see me?
00:19:58Why, who said I couldn't see you?
00:20:02That will do, Andrews.
00:20:03Yes, sir, I thought it was, sir.
00:20:12Pardon me, but haven't I seen you somewhere?
00:20:15Well, that depends.
00:20:16I may not have been there.
00:20:17Oh, yeah.
00:20:18Oh, I see that one.
00:20:21But I know your face.
00:20:22I'm sure that we must have met.
00:20:24Well, I...
00:20:25Now, now, now, don't tell me.
00:20:26I'll get you in just a minute.
00:20:27Yes.
00:20:28Won't you, uh, won't you sit down?
00:20:30Yes.
00:20:32Oh, I'll get you, yes.
00:20:35I know your face.
00:20:38No.
00:20:39Why, it's Miss Odea.
00:20:41Yes.
00:20:41Diane Odea.
00:20:42My favorite screen actress.
00:20:44Really?
00:20:45How not?
00:20:45Why, I feel that we should be very, very good friends.
00:20:48I've seen so much of you.
00:20:50What?
00:20:50Oh, I mean, I've seen you so often.
00:20:53Oh.
00:20:55I'm afraid you're making fun of me.
00:20:57Not at all.
00:20:58Not at all.
00:20:59Oh, Diane Odea.
00:21:01Well, uh, what can I do to you, uh, for you, Miss Odea?
00:21:05Andrews, the man, he said something about, uh, a mutual friend.
00:21:08Yes, your new secretary, Kitty Minter, advised me to come and see you.
00:21:12Oh, you're a friend of Miss Minter's?
00:21:14Yes.
00:21:14Oh, well.
00:21:16And old Mr. Smith.
00:21:18I think you're a perfectly wonderful man.
00:21:20Really?
00:21:21Mm-hmm.
00:21:22I mean, in your business.
00:21:23Oh.
00:21:24Everyone's talking about the wonderful speech you made in the Randall murder case.
00:21:27Oh, they're talking about it, aren't they?
00:21:28Well, well.
00:21:30The one about, uh, lonely wives?
00:21:32Yes, it was very good.
00:21:33Uh, uh, uh, that came right from the heart.
00:21:36And that's why I came?
00:21:38Yes?
00:21:38Of course, uh, of course, you're a murder lawyer, aren't you?
00:21:41Yes, I specialize in murders.
00:21:43You haven't been murdered anybody, have you?
00:21:47Well, no, not yet.
00:21:49That is, I have...
00:21:50Well, of course, I don't believe I could be very much assistance, you see, until after
00:21:53the crime was committed.
00:21:54Oh.
00:21:54Well, I only thought, on account of your, uh, feeling for lonely wives.
00:21:59Yes?
00:22:00You might get me a divorce from my husband.
00:22:03A husband?
00:22:04Uh-huh.
00:22:05A husband?
00:22:06Yes.
00:22:07That's, uh, that's different.
00:22:08Well, as a matter of fact, Miss O'Dea, I thoroughly and strongly disapprove of divorce.
00:22:17My specialty is murder.
00:22:19Oh, but this would be such a little one.
00:22:22No.
00:22:23No.
00:22:23Just a nice, quiet, sweet little divorce.
00:22:26You do not realize that modern civilization is founded on, uh, the unity, the...
00:22:37Those eyes.
00:22:39I don't suppose you mean that.
00:22:41Mean what, Mr. Smith?
00:22:43Why, that, uh, that, uh, come and get me expression in them.
00:22:46Well, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:22:50Oh, what a pity.
00:22:52You know I can hardly believe that you're married.
00:22:55Well, I'm not very much.
00:22:57That's why I want the divorce.
00:23:00Your husband is giving you trouble?
00:23:02He's not giving me anything.
00:23:04He's an actor.
00:23:05A bad actor?
00:23:07Mm, not exactly.
00:23:08He's really quite good on a stay.
00:23:11Oh, what an alibi to get out every night.
00:23:13Well, I don't mind Felix going out.
00:23:15The trouble is that he doesn't come in.
00:23:17You mean to say that he leaves you all alone all night?
00:23:20Every night?
00:23:21Well, no, not every night.
00:23:23And I can't stand the uncertainty.
00:23:26I'd be so much happier if he'd always come home when he's through at the theater.
00:23:30Or if I could depend on his staying out.
00:23:36You poor little woman.
00:23:39I'll see what I can do.
00:23:41Oh.
00:23:42Do you like dancing?
00:23:43Oh, I love it.
00:23:44You love it?
00:23:45But, uh, wouldn't we be rather crowded dancing in here?
00:23:57Well, uh, oh, that's not a bad idea.
00:24:01Why couldn't we adjourn to the whoopee club?
00:24:03No.
00:24:04You know, you and I and Jesse James were just made for each other.
00:24:08Oh, I couldn't.
00:24:10My husband's terribly jealous.
00:24:11He is.
00:24:12And yet he leaves you alone and lonely?
00:24:15Oh, well, that's just like a man.
00:24:17Do you know, Miss O'Dea, your friend, uh, Miss Minter and I, we have a little extra business that we're going to transact.
00:24:23And we go into conference at the Aster at ten o'clock.
00:24:26Why couldn't we all get together and have a little supper?
00:24:28But wouldn't you be embarrassed with two girls?
00:24:31Two?
00:24:31And me feeling positively oriental?
00:24:34Oh.
00:24:35But I came to you for a divorce, not a party.
00:24:38Well, of course, Miss O'Dea, if you cannot consider yourself a party of the first part, what is it, Andrews?
00:24:42The front doorbell, sir.
00:24:44We'll see who it is.
00:24:45You might be interested to know, sir, that Mrs. Mantle is coming down the back stairs.
00:24:49Oh.
00:24:51She might not understand our business relations.
00:24:53Oh, well, I'll go.
00:24:54But, uh, that way, a little more difficult, but much safer.
00:24:58Oh.
00:25:03And you won't forget ten at the Aster, and we'll discuss your divorce case.
00:25:07You don't think I'll be doing wrong?
00:25:08Oh, time will tell.
00:25:10Time will tell.
00:25:12Just take a seat, sir.
00:25:13I'll tell him.
00:25:20Gentleman to see you, sir.
00:25:24The great zero, meaning nothing.
00:25:27He said your secretary made an appointment, sir.
00:25:31Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:25:32Oh, by all means.
00:25:33You have him come right in.
00:25:34Yes, sir.
00:25:35He might be a good excuse for my getting out.
00:25:38This way, sir.
00:25:47Oh, hello, Mr. Smith.
00:25:52You understand, of course, that this is long after business hours.
00:25:55I can give you only five minutes.
00:25:57Mr. Smith, you are a very famous lawyer.
00:25:59Oh.
00:26:00Well, possibly ten minutes.
00:26:02Would you sit down?
00:26:04I am a vaudeville impersonator, sir.
00:26:06I am patient at all the great men.
00:26:08Julius Caesar, William Jennings Bryan.
00:26:10Oh, all the dead ones.
00:26:12Oh, I do the live ones, too, sir.
00:26:13Yes, I know.
00:26:14I saw your act in the theater.
00:26:15You're really quite good.
00:26:16Oh, thank you.
00:26:18Your jury speeches, sir, have made you famous.
00:26:20I'm opening my new act at the palace next week,
00:26:22and I picked you as the man of the moment.
00:26:24May I impersonate you?
00:26:27You impersonate me?
00:26:29Well, how could you?
00:26:31Oh, as a matter of fact,
00:26:32yes, I think you do look a little bit like me.
00:26:35Oh, but I flatter you there, of course.
00:26:37But, my dear sir...
00:26:38Mr. Smith, I could get your face in two minutes.
00:26:41You can do in two minutes what has taken me all my life to do?
00:26:44Uh-huh.
00:26:44May I show you?
00:26:46You'll have to.
00:26:48Oh.
00:26:49May I, uh, would it make you nervous if I watch the operation?
00:26:53Two thousand people watch me every night.
00:26:55You have an inferiority complex, haven't you?
00:26:58Oh, very good.
00:27:00Make a few gestures.
00:27:01I'd like to study your tricks of, uh, expression,
00:27:03your mannerisms.
00:27:05Smile, please.
00:27:07Frown.
00:27:10Register grief.
00:27:12Grief?
00:27:12Well, how do you grieve?
00:27:19Splendor.
00:27:21Persignation.
00:27:23Anger.
00:27:25Very good.
00:27:26I feel like a perfect fool.
00:27:28Very good.
00:27:28You make this rather snappy, won't you?
00:27:31I have some very heavy thinking to do before ten o'clock.
00:27:35Have you a mother-in-law?
00:27:37No.
00:27:38My wife is an orphan.
00:27:39Oh, lucky boy.
00:27:41And not that I want to say anything against my mother-in-law.
00:27:43She's a very sweet old lady and very, very fond of me.
00:27:46Only she works too hard at it.
00:27:48Oh, tries to run you out of your own home, I suppose.
00:27:50No, tries to keep me in it.
00:27:52Tonight, for instance, I have a date at ten with a lady.
00:27:55With two ladies.
00:27:57Two ladies?
00:27:58What for?
00:27:59Well, I don't know just what for.
00:28:01Of course, I have an idea, but I don't know.
00:28:03One of them is married.
00:28:04Her husband must be a sap.
00:28:06Oh, Mindy, are you decent?
00:28:12No.
00:28:13Come in.
00:28:16Hello.
00:28:16Hi, where have you been?
00:28:18Oh, say, did you go to see Smith?
00:28:20Hmm.
00:28:20I went, I saw, and I made a date to meet him tonight.
00:28:24Say, that guy must be blooming all over the place.
00:28:27He made a date with me for tonight, too.
00:28:29Yeah, I know all about it.
00:28:31That's why I agreed to go.
00:28:32Oh, yeah?
00:28:33Which one of us were you trying to protect?
00:28:36Maybe that was the only way I could get him to take my case.
00:28:38Oh, that's all right, darling.
00:28:40And I'll give you every break in the world.
00:28:41I know.
00:28:42Say, you better go over to your apartment and get dressed, haven't you?
00:28:45Oh, I only hope I get there before Felix does.
00:28:48Oh, why worry about zero?
00:28:50You're going to get a divorce from him, aren't you?
00:28:52Yeah, but I don't want him to divorce me.
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:55Bye.
00:28:56Bye.
00:29:02Pardon me, have you an extra pair of glasses?
00:29:04I should have somewhere.
00:29:05No, come to think of it, I broke mine.
00:29:07Here, take these.
00:29:09Thanks.
00:29:15Well, how about it?
00:29:22Well, I'll...
00:29:23Why, I...
00:29:25Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
00:29:28Richard Smith.
00:29:30And Richard Smith.
00:29:32Uh-huh.
00:29:32Why, we could be the Smith brothers.
00:29:34Oh, boy, you could fool anybody.
00:29:36Why, of course I could.
00:29:37I bet I could fool your own mother.
00:29:38Yes, sir.
00:29:40Fool my mother?
00:29:42My boy, Heaven, has sent you to me.
00:29:44You want my permission to give this impersonation of me in public?
00:29:46That's the reason I'm here.
00:29:48Well, you stay here tonight in my place.
00:29:50And if you can fool my mother-in-law and the servants until I get back, I'll give you that permission.
00:29:55It's a bet.
00:29:56You're on, and I'm off.
00:29:58You seem to have a frog in your throat.
00:30:00At least a dozen.
00:30:02Fine.
00:30:02I could use that.
00:30:03Good.
00:30:03I'll get into you.
00:30:04This is my room.
00:30:10And this is my wife's room.
00:30:12Your wife?
00:30:13She isn't here, is she?
00:30:14Well, do you think I'd go away and leave you here if she were?
00:30:18She's in the mountains.
00:30:21Now, this is a dressing room and bath connecting the two rooms.
00:30:25Oh, they connect.
00:30:27Sure.
00:30:28We speak.
00:30:30Where does mother sleep?
00:30:31Mother?
00:30:32She never sleeps.
00:30:34Now, my mother-in-law may say something about having a surprise for you.
00:30:48Well, that's all right.
00:30:49I'll tell you to wait until morning.
00:30:58I beg your pardon.
00:30:59Did you ring, sir?
00:31:00No.
00:31:01No.
00:31:02Sonny, I did not.
00:31:03Then it must have been Mrs. Mantle.
00:31:07Has the gentleman gone, sir?
00:31:10Who?
00:31:11The gentleman.
00:31:12Oh, yes, yes.
00:31:14Yes, he's gone.
00:31:15Yes.
00:31:15And will you bring me a drink, please?
00:31:18Yes, sir.
00:31:19And tell my mother-in-law that my cold seems to be so much worse.
00:31:23I'll probably be getting to bed early.
00:31:24Yes, sir.
00:31:25Yes.
00:31:25Yes, sir.
00:31:38Marvelous.
00:31:39Boy, you're a wonder.
00:31:41Say, if you can fool my mother-in-law, I'll pay you $500, and I'll make you an offer to retain you regularly.
00:31:47Huh?
00:31:47Oh, wait a minute.
00:31:50Wait a minute.
00:31:51I almost forgot.
00:31:52There you are.
00:31:53Every little bit helps.
00:31:55Oh, thanks.
00:31:56You don't miss a trick.
00:31:58You must have been out before.
00:31:59Now, you all set?
00:32:00Well, not quite.
00:32:01I think you better turn down some of the lights.
00:32:03I don't want to take any chances with mother-in-law.
00:32:09There you are.
00:32:10Now, the house is yours.
00:32:12If you want me, you'll find me at the Hotel Aster.
00:32:14Bye-bye.
00:32:14Hey, hey, wait.
00:32:16What do you call your mother-in-law?
00:32:18Oh, everything.
00:32:20You'll be perfectly safe if you stick to mother.
00:32:22Well, I hear loose moments calling.
00:32:24Ta-ta.
00:32:24Ta-ta.
00:32:25Ta-ta.
00:32:33Me, me, me, me, me.
00:32:59Richard!
00:33:10Richard!
00:33:17Oh, Richard.
00:33:19Oh, here you are.
00:33:20You know, I got such a start.
00:33:22I thought I heard the front door slam.
00:33:24Yes.
00:33:25My caller just left.
00:33:26Oh.
00:33:27Well, now we can continue our little session.
00:33:29I'm sorry, mother-in-law.
00:33:30You'll have to excuse me.
00:33:31I'm very busy.
00:33:32Where are you going?
00:33:32Well, I'm going to bed.
00:33:34But you mustn't.
00:33:35I mustn't go to bed.
00:33:36Not before you get your little surprise.
00:33:37I'm sorry, mother-in-law.
00:33:38You'll have to keep it until the morning.
00:33:40Oh, Richard, you're so stupid.
00:33:42Madeline, your wife is home again.
00:33:49My wife?
00:33:57Well, he wasn't.
00:33:58Maybe he's in his room.
00:34:05He's trying to fool you.
00:34:10Vicky, dear, aren't you surprised?
00:34:12Oh, I'm paralyzed.
00:34:15You can see how dumbfounded he is, dear.
00:34:17But he hasn't even kissed you yet.
00:34:18Yes.
00:34:19Where is that great big homecoming kiss
00:34:21you've been writhing me to expect?
00:34:22The great big homecoming kiss?
00:34:24The one I was writhing you about?
00:34:26Oh, well, I'm saving it till...
00:34:28Oh, shh, you silly impulsive goose.
00:34:31No, I mean I'm saving it until we...
00:34:32Until my cold gets better.
00:34:34You're cold?
00:34:35Have you a cold, sweetheart?
00:34:36Oh, it's frightful.
00:34:37I wouldn't dare kiss you.
00:34:38Besides, if anyone saw us.
00:34:41Andrews, leave the room.
00:34:45Leave the room.
00:34:46No, don't anyone dare to leave this room.
00:34:48And I wouldn't cling so closely, dear.
00:34:49Oh, dear.
00:34:50No, really, in the condition I'm in.
00:34:52Oh, it's dangerous.
00:34:53Fiddlesticks, I'm not afraid.
00:34:55Well, that's because you have no idea
00:34:56what's ahead of us.
00:34:57Ahead of us?
00:34:57Uh-huh.
00:34:58Has something gone wrong?
00:34:59Oh.
00:34:59Vicky, you're keeping something from me.
00:35:01Yes.
00:35:01Mother, turn up the lights and...
00:35:02No, no, no.
00:35:03Don't dare to turn up those lights.
00:35:04Vicky, what is the matter?
00:35:05Well, because you...
00:35:06I mean, my eyes.
00:35:08Oh.
00:35:08All swollen with the cold.
00:35:09Andrews, get me a stimulant.
00:35:12Are you in serious trouble, dear?
00:35:14Oh, it's probably fatal.
00:35:16Oh, if I'd had any idea
00:35:17that you were coming home,
00:35:18I wouldn't have been here.
00:35:19What?
00:35:19No.
00:35:20I mean, in the condition I'm in.
00:35:21Oh, Dickie.
00:35:22Well, there's just one thing to be done.
00:35:25I've got to go.
00:35:27Go?
00:35:27Where?
00:35:28Out.
00:35:29Downtown.
00:35:30Downtown now?
00:35:31Tonight?
00:35:32Oh, I should have gone 10 minutes ago.
00:35:34Important engagement.
00:35:34The Hotel Aster.
00:35:35Well, if I know my precious husband
00:35:37the way I think I do,
00:35:38he'll telephone and cancel that engagement,
00:35:40won't you, Dickie?
00:35:40Telephone?
00:35:41Who?
00:35:42I mean, is there a telephone?
00:35:42A telephone, of course.
00:35:44Of course, you can.
00:35:44Yeah, get the Aster on the way.
00:35:46The Hotel Aster, on the telephone.
00:35:47Yes, please.
00:35:47Wait, what do you mean?
00:35:48Any telephoning be done around here?
00:35:50I'll do it myself.
00:35:52Well, maybe I'll wait.
00:35:54I'll wait until you get ready to go,
00:35:55until we both get ready.
00:35:56Well, maybe before that.
00:35:57Oh, I knew you would.
00:35:59You know, I'm simply dying
00:36:00to get comfortable in my own little bed again
00:36:02and have a nice long talk with you, honey.
00:36:04Oh, and there's nothing I'd like better
00:36:05than to sit on the edge of the bed
00:36:06and listen to you,
00:36:07but, oh, how thoughtless of me.
00:36:09After your long trip, dear,
00:36:10you must be tired.
00:36:11Oh, I'm not a bit tired, really.
00:36:13Why, the two months in the mountains
00:36:14have done me a world of good.
00:36:16Do your telephoning, Richard.
00:36:19Well, Madeline gets out of your traveling house
00:36:20into something more comfortable.
00:36:21Yes, it won't take me but a moment.
00:36:22And, Dickie,
00:36:23I bought a new lace nightie yesterday
00:36:25that's positively indecent.
00:36:27Wait till you see it.
00:36:29Where are you going?
00:36:42Huh? Oh, I don't know.
00:36:43Oh, I was going down
00:36:43to see if the front door was locked.
00:36:45Now, you know Andrews always locks.
00:36:47Oh, well, I thought tonight
00:36:48he might have forgotten it.
00:36:49Richard Smith,
00:36:50after all you promised Madeline,
00:36:52are you planning to desert her?
00:36:54Desert her? Why?
00:36:55Her first evening home in two months?
00:37:00And you?
00:37:01Richard,
00:37:03have you no human feelings at all?
00:37:05That's just the trouble.
00:37:07I'm too human.
00:37:09A lovely, devoted wife like Madeline.
00:37:12Surely she's entitled to some consideration.
00:37:15Well, he's a brother elk.
00:37:17What's that?
00:37:17What?
00:37:19Mother, you don't understand.
00:37:20You see, this sudden return,
00:37:21it's been an awful shock,
00:37:22an awful shock to my whole system.
00:37:23My throat, my voice.
00:37:24her voice all gone.
00:37:26She doesn't want you to sing to her.
00:37:29But she wants more
00:37:30than anything else in the world
00:37:31is a nice, long talk with you.
00:37:34Oh, if I could depend on that.
00:37:36Now, Richard,
00:37:37don't delay your telephoning
00:37:38another minute.
00:37:39What telephone?
00:37:39Oh, telephoning, yeah,
00:37:40what was the number?
00:37:43Good night, Madeline, dear.
00:37:45So glad to have you home again.
00:37:47Good night, Mother.
00:37:48Pleasant dreams.
00:37:52Hello.
00:37:53Hotel Aster.
00:37:53Good night, Richard, dear.
00:38:00Huh?
00:38:00Yes.
00:38:01Good night.
00:38:06Hello.
00:38:07Hotel Aster.
00:38:08Will you get Mr. Richard Smith?
00:38:10Page, Mr. Richard Smith.
00:38:11Yes.
00:38:12Tell him to telephone
00:38:12his home immediately.
00:38:14Important.
00:38:15Oh, it's vital.
00:38:17Mr. Richard Smith.
00:38:19Tired, sweetheart?
00:38:35Tired?
00:38:36I never was so tired
00:38:37in all my...
00:38:38...
00:38:39...
00:38:39...
00:38:39...
00:38:40...
00:38:40...
00:38:41...
00:38:41...
00:38:41...
00:38:42I never was so tired.
00:38:43Please, come out of that doorway,
00:38:45will you?
00:38:50Tell me, have you been a good boy
00:38:51since I've been away?
00:38:53Oh, I'm in more danger right now
00:38:55than I have been in the past two months.
00:38:57Please, please go away
00:38:58and let me die
00:38:59or go crazy or something.
00:39:01Go away.
00:39:02Dickie, you're not well.
00:39:03Don't you suppose I know it?
00:39:04Haven't I been telling you that
00:39:05for the past half hour
00:39:06in those very words?
00:39:08That telephone didn't ring, did it?
00:39:09No, dear.
00:39:10I'm afraid you've been doing
00:39:12too much brain work.
00:39:13That's it.
00:39:13It's my brain.
00:39:14It's on fire.
00:39:15It's fever.
00:39:15I can't think.
00:39:16You can't think?
00:39:17No.
00:39:17Yes.
00:39:18The only things I can think of
00:39:20are the things that I shouldn't...
00:39:22That wasn't the telephone bell then, was it?
00:39:24Dickie, you're trembling all over.
00:39:26Don't you suppose I know it?
00:39:27I'm liable to go to pieces any moment.
00:39:29The telephone isn't out of order, is it?
00:39:31Oh, bother the old phone.
00:39:33Thank goodness I've arrived in time
00:39:34to prevent another nervous breakdown
00:39:35like you had last year.
00:39:36That's it.
00:39:37Nervous combustion.
00:39:38I've been trying to keep it from you.
00:39:40Send for an ambulance, quick.
00:39:42Ambulance?
00:39:42Nothing.
00:39:43I'm going to take care of you myself.
00:39:44Now, come on.
00:39:45Now, the first thing to do
00:39:47is to put you to bed.
00:39:49That is the last thing.
00:39:52Now, don't argue, dear.
00:39:54Now, I'm going to give you
00:39:55a nice old-fashioned alcohol rubdown.
00:39:57No, no, no, no, no.
00:39:58No, I couldn't stand it.
00:40:00Oh, come on.
00:40:01Now, come on.
00:40:02No, no, no, I won't go.
00:40:02Madeline knows best.
00:40:04Now, put your head right down here.
00:40:06There.
00:40:06Put your little head right down here.
00:40:08No, no, no.
00:40:08I'm afraid.
00:40:09You're afraid?
00:40:09Yes, I'm afraid.
00:40:10You might catch my cold.
00:40:11Oh, bother your old cold.
00:40:13Now, Madeline knows how to take care
00:40:14of her dickie bird.
00:40:15Come on.
00:40:16Put your little head right down there.
00:40:17Come on.
00:40:18My poor, nervous dickie bird.
00:40:20Now, before anything else, sweetheart,
00:40:24that great big homecoming kiss.
00:40:27Never.
00:40:28Oh, yes?
00:40:29Never.
00:40:29Oh, now, come on.
00:40:30Never.
00:40:30Come on, now, come on.
00:40:31Now, come on.
00:40:32Now, come on.
00:40:44There.
00:40:44Too late.
00:40:52I'm going to go.
00:41:22did you get your call no i guess my mother-in-law must have gone to bed
00:41:31oh you're married too very happily that's the reason i so thoroughly disapprove of divorce
00:41:37especially in this state what do you mean well you see in order to procure a divorce in this
00:41:42state you must have evidence what kind of evidence well evidence of a very serious nature
00:41:48how serious well you see you must produce evidence that your husband has been has been
00:41:57that is to say you must explain that you have discovered him and not only him but
00:42:03i don't know what you mean mr smith you have to get the goods on him in other words you have to
00:42:13prove that he has uh uh where do you come from miss odair i came from south dakota oh i don't blame you
00:42:24well out in south dakota don't they ever uh ever uh ever what mr smith no there's no use of us
00:42:35going to south dakota may just as well stay here did you ever see a bedroom farce oh you mean the
00:42:43kind where the wrong man hides under the bed atta girlie now we're getting warmer only in this case
00:42:49you see the wrong man must not only be uh but uh but what mr smith oh really really there's no use
00:42:59of our talking until we can find an interpreter or until we get to know each other better oh here's
00:43:05your friend well well here you are i've been looking everywhere for you just in time won't you sit
00:43:10down oh not in this morgue didn't you say something about the whoopee club diane's never been up on the
00:43:18roof there have you darling oh my husband never takes me any place oh you poor girl well mr smith is
00:43:26going to fix all that aren't you fix the roof oh oh oh well we'll start on the roof and finish in the
00:43:35gutter oh mr smith
00:43:37andrews may pardon um you're paralyzed not paralyzed can't you see me moving are you
00:43:56going give this to the tailor he's waiting
00:43:58good morning dear i hope i'm not disturbing you not at all mother oh i'm just dying to have a little
00:44:19talk with you how did dickie like his little surprise oh mother if you only knew oh then you
00:44:27really have something to tell me i'll tell the world i have oh never mind the world tell me
00:44:32it was dickie glad to have you home again glad he was beside himself oh mother this is going to be
00:44:39the turning point in dickie's married life oh lovely wait till i tell you everything oh i'm so happy
00:44:46i'm just going to congratulate dickie no i wouldn't do that don't disturb him he's napping
00:44:51shall i have your breakfast here in the room no i'm going for a walk before breakfast this morning
00:44:58i feel as if the world is mine at last i have what i've been hoping for you have what is it a hold
00:45:06on my husband that he'll never be able to break oh darling
00:45:10very idea at this time of the morning dumb when mr smith wiggins he'll attend to you my man
00:45:36my man indeed in my man i'm nobody's man but my own
00:45:41good morning mr smith what's good about it didn't you sleep well sir i i didn't sleep one wink the
00:45:53whole night long who the devil locked my door it wasn't the devil sir it was mrs metal oh what time
00:45:59is it hey nine o'clock oh i've got to get out of here where's my coat why i i just gave it to the
00:46:06tailor sir he brought back your other dressing gown a dressing gown won't help me i want my coat
00:46:11you don't seem to be yourself this morning sir i'm not perhaps you need something to eat
00:46:17won't you have your breakfast now sir oh yes yes yes yes anything to keep you quiet
00:46:22where where's the dining room what sir i said where is it in the dining room yeah yes sir in
00:46:31the breakfast in the dining room it's not being served in a cold cellar well i don't want to go
00:46:36in the dining room i want you to get me a cup of coffee and some cracked ice and some white rock
00:46:40and don't stand there gaping at me like that put that thing down hurry yes yes yes yes wait
00:46:48yes yes don't rush out on me like that before i finish talking to you where is mrs smith and
00:46:54mrs uh uh the other one my mother-in-law you mean miss mrs mantel yes she's she's going upstairs
00:47:02oh and if you're pleased no i don't please you get my coffee and my coat yes yes wait
00:47:09yes where can i find a comb and brush
00:47:13have you look where you always keep them sir have i looked where i always keep them where do i
00:47:21always keep them i'll see if you have intelligence enough to answer me that why sir in the cabinet
00:47:27in the dressing room of course yes why didn't you say so in the first place yes
00:47:31he must have had a terrible night terrible
00:47:40but i don't know what i think so in the last part i think was incredible
00:47:47you're just I definitely love to have them
00:47:48didn't let me know what i mean
00:47:50but i think i think that's something that i think i need for and that level
00:47:54so i think i'd be able to get back to you
00:47:56and as i think i think that i'm sure i think that that's when i know and i'm sure i'm sure
00:47:58you want to try to pick them up so that i think i'm just going to go
00:48:01so i think that you got a bit of a bit more
00:48:03and i think i should have a little bit smaller
00:48:06so i think that i want to try out
00:48:07so i think i'm able to try this out
00:48:39I'm safe in my home port, the safest port of all.
00:49:02Hey, lady.
00:49:04Will you pick out some place and land?
00:49:06Will you please make up your mind?
00:49:13Oh, that's all right.
00:49:14It's all right.
00:49:15Just keep driving around.
00:49:18Where are we?
00:49:20Hey, that ain't the question.
00:49:22Nine hours I've been driving you around.
00:49:24Say, what's the matter?
00:49:25Ain't you got no home?
00:49:26Oh, I can't go home.
00:49:29My husband will know I've been out all night.
00:49:35Hey, look.
00:49:36Maybe I better drive you to the police station.
00:49:38No.
00:49:39I don't know anybody there.
00:49:44Let's see.
00:49:45Take me to Mr. Smith's.
00:49:48Oh.
00:49:49Mr. Smith, huh?
00:49:51Uh-huh.
00:49:52Yeah.
00:49:52Any particular one?
00:49:55Mr. Richard Smith, my lawyer.
00:50:00And where does he live?
00:50:021-4-0-5 Park Avenue.
00:50:051-4-0-5 Park.
00:50:07Yeah, 1-4-0.
00:50:101-4-1-5-4-0.
00:50:151-0-5-4.
00:50:19Either that or 4-5-0-1.
00:50:21Hey, lady, will you make up your mind?
00:50:24Will you please make up your mind, please?
00:50:26Please?
00:50:37Why, Andrews.
00:50:43That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me.
00:50:45You've guessed exactly what I needed.
00:50:47Yes.
00:50:48I didn't guess it, sir.
00:50:50You told me to bring it in a most impatient tone.
00:50:54In a what?
00:50:55In a most impatient tone.
00:50:58Well, then it must have been mental telepathy.
00:50:59You know, the effect of mind over matter.
00:51:01Or else, you've been dreaming.
00:51:04Yes, sir.
00:51:04I'm beginning to think so, sir.
00:51:06Did, uh, didn't you find your comb and brush?
00:51:12What comb and brush?
00:51:13Why?
00:51:15The one you were looking for, sir.
00:51:17Why, don't you suppose I know where to find my own comb and brush?
00:51:20Andrews?
00:51:21You're drunk.
00:51:22Yes, sir.
00:51:24A little drunker than I thought, sir.
00:51:26And you dare to admit it.
00:51:28You dare to stand there staggering at me at 9 o'clock in the morning.
00:51:32Well, sir, you see, I've been having a little trouble.
00:51:36Oh, you've been having a little liquid lightning.
00:51:38Only one flash.
00:51:40I mean nip, sir.
00:51:41Well, quit nipping.
00:51:42Do you think you're strong enough to get me some more of this white buck?
00:51:46Yes, sir.
00:51:47Though I wish you'd have your breakfast, sir.
00:51:50I don't see why you don't want to go in the dining room.
00:51:54Heh.
00:51:54Such a nice dining room.
00:51:57Who said I didn't want to go into the dining room?
00:51:59Of course it's a nice dining room.
00:52:00It's my dining room.
00:52:01I'd like to see anybody try to keep me out of it.
00:52:04Heh.
00:52:04Heh.
00:52:05I'm glad to hear you say that, sir.
00:52:08Heh.
00:52:09You do know where it is, don't you?
00:52:11Why, certainly.
00:52:12If nobody's moved it.
00:52:15See who that is.
00:52:18Yes, sir.
00:52:19Yes, sir.
00:52:19I don't care who it is.
00:52:46Who the devil drank my coffee?
00:52:49Why, you did, sir.
00:52:53Before you went in the dining room.
00:52:55I wanted to comb my hair.
00:52:57But you didn't comb your hair.
00:52:58I didn't, didn't I?
00:53:00Are you losing your mind?
00:53:03Yes, sir.
00:53:04I'm beginning to think so, sir.
00:53:06Will you snap out of it and get me some more coffee?
00:53:09Yes, sir.
00:53:10I was just going to, sir.
00:53:12When you told me to answer the front doorbell.
00:53:15I told you to answer the...
00:53:17Well, you're hearing things as well as seeing them.
00:53:19Well, I did hear the front doorbell, sir.
00:53:23Because there's proof of that.
00:53:25I opened it for two young ladies who wanted to see you.
00:53:28Two young ladies?
00:53:29Yes, sir.
00:53:30They're dressed just alike.
00:53:32They must be twins.
00:53:34Well, I haven't any twins.
00:53:35You tell them to come back late this afternoon.
00:53:38He ought to be here by then.
00:53:39He?
00:53:39He?
00:53:41He?
00:53:42Who?
00:53:43Oh, he.
00:53:44Well, whenever I say he, I always mean I.
00:53:46Haven't you noticed that?
00:53:47Not yet, sir.
00:53:50Well, you keep it in mind and bring that coffee to my room.
00:53:52And some white rock.
00:53:54Yes, sir.
00:53:56Nobody knows what a night he must have had.
00:54:00Nobody.
00:54:06Andrews, don't move so fast.
00:54:08You know, you break the speed limit.
00:54:09Oh, oh, sir.
00:54:11You, you've come back.
00:54:14You, you do want me to go to the front door before I bring your white rock and coffee, don't you?
00:54:21I don't want any more coffee, stupid.
00:54:23I told you to answer that front door five minutes ago.
00:54:27What have you been doing?
00:54:27Walking backwards?
00:54:30Yes, sir.
00:54:31Perhaps I have without, without knowing it.
00:54:34You know, you've got to cut out this early morning drinking.
00:54:36Yes, sir, I will, sir.
00:54:39Indeed, I will.
00:54:40You'd better.
00:54:41I'll try and pull myself together, sir.
00:54:44And I'll tell the young ladies to call back later.
00:54:48What young ladies?
00:54:50The twins, sir.
00:54:52You said you couldn't see them.
00:54:55Andrews, this is getting serious.
00:54:57You never said one word to me about twins.
00:54:59Didn't I?
00:55:05You certainly did not.
00:55:07Where are these ladies?
00:55:12In the reception room, sir.
00:55:19The twins, sir.
00:55:22Oh, hello, picky bird.
00:55:25Oh, oh, I'm so glad I found you.
00:55:30You are?
00:55:31Well, I'm glad somebody's glad.
00:55:33Where's the rest of you?
00:55:34Andrews said you were twins.
00:55:35There were two of us, sir.
00:55:37I swear there were two of us.
00:55:39Oh, that's nothing.
00:55:40I've been seeing four.
00:55:43Four taxi cabs, four front doors,
00:55:46four funny old butlers,
00:55:48and four cute little dicky birds.
00:55:51Here, here, please, please, please, please.
00:55:52Don't go, Andrews.
00:55:55Wait.
00:55:56What do you mean by coming here, Miss Odea?
00:55:59When you told me last night
00:56:00that you had to go home alone,
00:56:01didn't I put you in a taxi cab?
00:56:02Didn't I give the taxi cab driver your vest?
00:56:04Didn't I?
00:56:05Well, yes, but the nasty old taxi cab fell apart.
00:56:10And it took them ages and ages
00:56:12to get together again.
00:56:14And anyway, I have no money.
00:56:16So I'm going to bring me here.
00:56:19He's waiting outside.
00:56:21Oh, money?
00:56:22Oh, that's all you...
00:56:23Oh, well, that's simple.
00:56:25Oh, by Jove, I haven't a cent left myself.
00:56:27Andrews, I haven't a cent.
00:56:30That's one thing I'm sure of.
00:56:31Well, you go out in the kitchen
00:56:32and borrow some from the cook.
00:56:33She ought to have some.
00:56:34She was paid yesterday.
00:56:35Yes.
00:56:36I hope you know where that kitchen is.
00:56:37Yes, sir.
00:56:38Well, hurry.
00:56:40Yes, sir.
00:56:41Oh, Dickie, I'm so relieved.
00:56:43Whee!
00:56:44Diana, please.
00:56:46Oh, I want to play.
00:56:47Now, you chase me.
00:56:47Please, be quiet.
00:56:49Oh, I'm too happy to be quiet.
00:56:51You come down here.
00:56:51No, I don't want to.
00:56:52Come down here.
00:56:53You come right down here.
00:56:55I want to.
00:56:56Come down this minute.
00:56:58No.
00:56:58Come.
00:56:59All right.
00:57:00Whee!
00:57:03Whoopee!
00:57:04Ha!
00:57:05What is this, please?
00:57:06A hangover or a fresh start?
00:57:08Oh, Dickie Bird, don't be harsh with me.
00:57:11Anybody think you're my husband?
00:57:13I am always harsh in the morning.
00:57:15My loose moments end with breakfast.
00:57:17Anything that you have to say to me today will come under the head of new business.
00:57:20Well, I don't want any new business.
00:57:22Old was good enough for me.
00:57:26If you please, sir, the cook hasn't a nickel.
00:57:29Nobody hasn't a nickel.
00:57:31I don't want a nickel.
00:57:32What good is a nickel?
00:57:33Here, you go outside.
00:57:35Go outside and find out exactly how much the taxi cab bill is.
00:57:38Hurry.
00:57:39Hurry.
00:57:40Oh, what am I going to do?
00:57:41Use that.
00:57:44Oui, monsieur.
00:57:45Yes.
00:57:46Would you like to earn $20?
00:57:47Oui, monsieur.
00:57:47Will you get this young lady up to the guest room quickly?
00:57:49Oui, monsieur.
00:57:50Don't let anybody see her.
00:57:51No, monsieur.
00:57:51She came to see me.
00:57:52Ah, business.
00:57:53But Mrs. Mantell might not understand.
00:57:55No, monsieur, but I understand.
00:57:56Yes.
00:57:57Come, madame.
00:57:57We go upstairs.
00:57:58No, no, I don't want to go upstairs.
00:57:59Upstairs.
00:58:00I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:02Upstairs or I spank.
00:58:04There you go, reminding me of my husband again.
00:58:08Oh, poor Felix.
00:58:09What would he think if he could see me now?
00:58:12Oh, madame.
00:58:13We go upstairs.
00:58:14I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:17That's all right.
00:58:18That's all right.
00:58:19Listen, the bill is $50 and I'm going to get it or I'm going to take it out of somebody's
00:58:23hide.
00:58:24Understand?
00:58:24Yeah.
00:58:25Yeah.
00:58:25You'll get your hide.
00:58:28I mean your money.
00:58:31Here, madame.
00:58:32You will be safe here.
00:58:33Oh, no, madame.
00:58:38Madame, come here.
00:58:40I will get you a negligee, huh?
00:58:42The bill is $50, sir.
00:58:45I mean dollars.
00:58:46Well, see if you can pry it out of Mrs. Mantell, will you?
00:58:49Wouldn't it be better if I went to the bank, sir?
00:58:52That's a good idea.
00:58:53Go ahead.
00:58:54Yes.
00:58:54You go to the bank.
00:58:55Yes, sir.
00:58:56And on your way to the bank, something got spilled on my coat last night.
00:59:00Drop in and leave it at the tailor's for me, will you?
00:59:01Your coat?
00:59:07Yes, my coat.
00:59:09What's the matter with it?
00:59:09It won't bite you.
00:59:12But I, I, I, I, I, I gave it to the tailor that half hour ago, sir.
00:59:18You gave him my coat?
00:59:21Yes, sir.
00:59:22I, I gave him your coat.
00:59:26Oh, I, I'm afraid I'm going mad.
00:59:29Come, come, come.
00:59:30Pull yourself together, old man.
00:59:31I, I, I, I can't, sir.
00:59:33I, I seem to have lost all control.
00:59:37I'm beginning to see them.
00:59:39There.
00:59:40There.
00:59:42I, I'm afraid they'll get me.
00:59:44I got to go somewhere.
00:59:46I, I've got to do something.
00:59:48I, I can't stand it.
00:59:50I can't stand it.
00:59:52I can't stand it.
00:59:53I can't stand it.
00:59:55I can't stand it.
00:59:56Let me out.
00:59:56Ah, let me out.
00:59:58Let me out.
00:59:58Let me out.
01:00:01Let me out.
01:00:14Let me out.
01:00:15Let me out.
01:00:15Well, I can't go home with Felix in a dress like this, this hour of the morning, can I?
01:00:20No.
01:00:21Say, you go home and get me a dress.
01:00:25All right, all right, I'll be back in a jiffy.
01:00:27Fine.
01:00:31Richard.
01:00:32Oh, hello, Mother.
01:00:34How are you?
01:00:34I'm perfectly well.
01:00:36Well, that's swell.
01:00:39Well, you see?
01:00:40Just getting ready to go to work.
01:00:41Work?
01:00:42Oh, I never dreamed you wanted to go to work this morning after what happened last night.
01:00:47Why, what do you know about last night?
01:00:48Oh, not very much, but I can guess, can't I?
01:00:51Oh, yes, yes, you can guess.
01:00:53You're some little guesser.
01:00:54Richard, I'm afraid you're going to be angry with me.
01:00:58But I meant it all for the best.
01:01:00You meant what for the best?
01:01:01When I locked you in last night.
01:01:03You locked me in?
01:01:05You were acting a bit strangely.
01:01:07You seemed nervous and excited.
01:01:09So I decided to give you a dose of prevention.
01:01:12So after you went to bed, I locked all the doors and took the keys upstairs with me.
01:01:18You locked all the doors after I went to bed?
01:01:21Oh, well, then I couldn't have gotten out.
01:01:23I couldn't have gotten out even if I'd wanted to.
01:01:25Of course you couldn't, Richard.
01:01:26And I was in there all night.
01:01:30Are you ill again?
01:01:33No, Mother.
01:01:33No, I'm better.
01:01:34Oh, I'm much better.
01:01:36Oh, what a joke.
01:01:38Locked in cold storage all night, Mother.
01:01:40You are simply priceless.
01:01:43Who are you waving at?
01:01:44Nothing, Mother.
01:01:45Nothing.
01:01:45Nothing.
01:01:46In fact, less than nothing.
01:01:47I was simply waving at myself.
01:01:49Oh, you're absurd, Richard.
01:01:51I am, Mother.
01:01:52I'm more than absurd.
01:01:53I'm positively hilarious.
01:01:56Oh, now.
01:01:57Now I understand what was the matter with poor old Andrews.
01:02:00Oh, he must have been seeing things with a vengeance.
01:02:04Andrews' condition is no laughing.
01:02:05I can't help it, Mother.
01:02:07I can't help it.
01:02:08You'd laugh, too, if you knew what I knew.
01:02:10No.
01:02:10No, no.
01:02:11No, you wouldn't.
01:02:12Why not?
01:02:13Don't you think I can appreciate a joke?
01:02:15Go on.
01:02:16Tell me.
01:02:16No, it's a secret.
01:02:18And if I told you, it'd be no joke.
01:02:20Oh, now, don't tantalize me, Richard.
01:02:23Is it about you?
01:02:24Uh, rather.
01:02:26And is there someone else?
01:02:29Oh, decidedly someone else.
01:02:32And then, is there another someone mixed up in the two?
01:02:35No, no, not exactly.
01:02:37Well, well, not yet, anyway.
01:02:39Not yet?
01:02:39Oh, Richard, I knew it.
01:02:43The secret is about you.
01:02:45Yeah.
01:02:45And someone else.
01:02:46Uh-huh.
01:02:46And then another someone mixed up in it a little later on.
01:02:49Uh-huh.
01:02:52You dear boy, it's the secret that Madeline mentioned.
01:02:57Oh, you've had a letter from Madeline.
01:03:00Oh, I had a letter.
01:03:02Oh, you dear ridiculous fellow.
01:03:05I don't blame you for being hilarious.
01:03:08I'm a bit hilarious myself.
01:03:10Uh-huh.
01:03:13Uh-huh.
01:03:14Uh-huh.
01:03:14Uh-huh.
01:03:15Uh-huh.
01:03:16Uh-huh.
01:03:17Uh-huh.
01:03:17Uh-huh.
01:03:17Uh-huh.
01:03:18Uh-huh.
01:03:18Uh-huh.
01:03:19Uh-huh.
01:03:20Uh-huh.
01:03:20Uh-huh.
01:03:20Mother, what is it you think you know?
01:03:23Uh-huh.
01:03:23I don't think any longer, I'm sure.
01:03:26Uh-huh.
01:03:27Uh-huh.
01:03:27Uh-huh.
01:03:28Uh-huh.
01:03:28Pidgey pata, pidgey pata, pidgey pata, pidgey pata, pidgey pata.
01:03:34Oh, put that song stairs, put that song stairs.
01:03:39I hear them now, according to me, put that song stairs.
01:03:44If you're doing that for me, you can stop.
01:03:48I want my coat.
01:03:50Oh, Richard.
01:03:54Oh, how can you think of coats at a time like this?
01:03:58Baby cooties, perhaps, and little boobies.
01:04:13Is she going crazy too?
01:04:16There's something the matter with her.
01:04:17Give her some air.
01:04:18Give her some air.
01:04:20Will I take her out to it or bring it into her?
01:04:24Don't talk like a fool.
01:04:26Get her something to bring her back to herself.
01:04:29Yes, sir.
01:04:30Now you're talking, sir.
01:04:37Rest?
01:04:38Say, I'll never rest again until I get even with that...
01:04:42that...
01:04:51Say,
01:04:53how would you like to pick up $50?
01:04:55Oh, monsieur.
01:04:56All I want you to do is to kiss me the next time you see me and Mrs. Mantle alone together.
01:05:03And for what kiss you when Madame Mantle sees?
01:05:06Well, it's a practical joke, you see, to get even with somebody for laughing at me.
01:05:10Oh, and will Madame Mantle laugh?
01:05:13Will she laugh?
01:05:14Say, I'll laugh myself.
01:05:17Oh, well.
01:05:18For $50?
01:05:20Uh-huh.
01:05:22But suppose I lose my position?
01:05:24Oh, don't worry.
01:05:25You lose this one.
01:05:26I'll get you a better one.
01:05:27Now, is it a go?
01:05:28Oh, no, monsieur.
01:05:30It is a kiss.
01:05:31The next time I see you with Madame Mantle.
01:05:34Uh-huh.
01:05:34You won't forget.
01:05:35Oh, why could I?
01:05:36Yeah.
01:05:48Oh, excuse me, sir.
01:05:50But I forgot to give you the money.
01:05:52Money?
01:05:53What money?
01:05:55Why?
01:05:57The money you told me to get for the young lady upstairs.
01:06:00Don't you remember, sir?
01:06:01Oh, take it.
01:06:03Take it.
01:06:04Don't say that I haven't been to the bank, sir.
01:06:06Don't tell me it isn't real money.
01:06:08I can't stand any more of it.
01:06:10All right, all right, all right.
01:06:12It'll relieve your mind.
01:06:13I'll take it.
01:06:14I've earned it.
01:06:15What'll I do with this, sir?
01:06:17Drink it yourself.
01:06:31Give me that money.
01:06:40Not on your life.
01:06:41What do you mean by staying out all night?
01:06:42Shut up.
01:06:43You talk like a mother-in-law.
01:06:44You realize that I was locked up in that room all night long?
01:06:46Well, I'm sorry.
01:06:47Mrs. Mantle locked you up, but...
01:06:49Well, what's so funny about that?
01:06:51Why don't you think it's funny?
01:06:52Funny?
01:06:53Say, what kind of a man are you?
01:06:54Locked up, all alone?
01:06:56You don't know.
01:06:57You don't know.
01:06:58Oh, I know you've given me a marvelous joke on my mother-in-law.
01:07:01I can't tell her about it, but I'll laugh every time I think of it.
01:07:05Thanks again.
01:07:06You can go now.
01:07:06Not yet.
01:07:08Huh?
01:07:09What's that?
01:07:11I'm not going to leave this house until I get my big laugh.
01:07:14It'll cost me $50, and I want to be here to enjoy it.
01:07:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:07:19Hey, wait a minute.
01:07:19Wait a minute.
01:07:20What are you talking about?
01:07:21Hoo-hoo.
01:07:22Hoo-hoo.
01:07:25Richard.
01:07:25Mother, why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?
01:07:30A good, long nap.
01:07:31You ought to be laid out somewhere.
01:07:33Laid out?
01:07:34Oh, monsieur.
01:07:35The time has come, no?
01:07:38Oh, my word.
01:07:40Stop this.
01:07:40Stop it.
01:07:41Stop it.
01:07:41Stop it.
01:07:43What do you think I am?
01:07:44A lollipop?
01:07:46Shameless creature.
01:07:48Who ordered this?
01:07:49What's the matter?
01:07:50What is the joke?
01:07:51Why do you not laugh?
01:07:52Why do you not laugh?
01:07:53You can figure that out while you're packing your trunk.
01:07:56Oh, I knew she was French, but I made allowances for that.
01:08:00Why kiss Mr. Smith under my very nose?
01:08:02Pardon me, mother.
01:08:02Under my very nose.
01:08:03You told me to.
01:08:04I, I never did.
01:08:06Yes, you lie.
01:08:07You promised me $50.
01:08:09$50?
01:08:10What are you talking about?
01:08:10$50 is too much for any woman.
01:08:12What is this, a badger game?
01:08:13You don't stay in this house another minute.
01:08:16No?
01:08:16Then he has to give me another job.
01:08:18You promise?
01:08:19I promise?
01:08:20I never promised.
01:08:21I never.
01:08:21Oh, I have a very good idea who did.
01:08:26You go on.
01:08:27You get out of here.
01:08:27Get out.
01:08:35I resent that.
01:08:37Richard, what did she say then?
01:08:39Oh, she sent you her best regards.
01:08:42Richard Smith?
01:08:43Yes?
01:08:43Are you quite sure you didn't ask her to kiss you?
01:08:46Oh, mother, I don't have to ask to be kissed.
01:08:48What?
01:08:48But, I have my own, my own dear sweet little wife, yes.
01:08:53Oh, and she'd understand if she were home.
01:08:55Well, you can tell her when she comes in.
01:08:57What?
01:08:58She'll be home in a minute.
01:08:59Home?
01:08:59I don't believe it.
01:09:00Well, you just wait here and see.
01:09:02Come on, you've got to get out.
01:09:09My wife is coming.
01:09:09Wait a minute.
01:09:10Wait a minute.
01:09:11It'll be too late.
01:09:12Now, don't get excited, mother.
01:09:13Just leave everything to me.
01:09:16Wait, wait, wait.
01:09:17I can't go up the street with this.
01:09:18Well, I go out with mine every day.
01:09:20But if you're so fussy, there.
01:09:22Outside.
01:09:22Outside.
01:09:25Dickie.
01:09:26Huh?
01:09:27Oh, darling.
01:09:29You have come home.
01:09:32Well, well, well.
01:09:34Dickie boy.
01:09:35Didn't you expect me?
01:09:37No.
01:09:37Yes, of course, of course.
01:09:38But not so soon.
01:09:39Oh, if you only had any idea of how lonely I've been.
01:09:43Oh, Dickie.
01:09:45Oh, Dickie.
01:09:46What?
01:09:46Is this gentleman a friend of yours?
01:09:48Why, no, he's no gentleman.
01:09:51He's no friend.
01:09:51It's Mr. Zero.
01:09:53Mr. Zero, yes.
01:09:53My wife, Mrs. Smith.
01:09:55And Mrs. Mantle, my wife's mother.
01:09:58I'm delighted.
01:09:59Mr. Zero is the famous Vaughan artist.
01:10:02Oh, I've heard of you.
01:10:04Oh, thank you.
01:10:05He has done me the honor to want to add me to his list of impersonations.
01:10:09Oh, no doubt he does it to perfection.
01:10:10Oh, how wonderful.
01:10:13Breakfast is ready.
01:10:14If you want it, come and get it.
01:10:16Oh, won't you have breakfast with us?
01:10:19Why, delighted if I'm not intruding.
01:10:21Oh, no.
01:10:22My husband's friends are my friends.
01:10:24Oh, yes, indeed.
01:10:26But at a time like this, I understand you've just returned home from a vacation.
01:10:30Oh, that's perfectly all right.
01:10:34You've no idea, dear, how glad I am to see you.
01:10:37Why didn't you let me know you were coming?
01:10:39I wanted to surprise you.
01:10:40You did?
01:10:41Oh, I shall never forget the look on your face when I walked in last night.
01:10:51Last night?
01:10:54Come, Mr. Zero.
01:11:01Coming, darling?
01:11:03Last night?
01:11:04Dickie, darling.
01:11:09Dickie, what's wrong?
01:11:10Why, what's happened?
01:11:12Dickie.
01:11:13Come on, dear.
01:11:14What is it?
01:11:15Oh, my poor darling, you're ruined.
01:11:17I mean, I'm ruined.
01:11:18I mean, our home is ruined.
01:11:19Why, my poor Richard.
01:11:21And you seemed so well this morning when you first woke up.
01:11:25Oh, hold me.
01:11:26I'm going to faint again.
01:11:27I know I'm going to faint.
01:11:28Now, sweetheart, now, oh, what you needs another old-fashioned rubdown like I gave you last night.
01:11:33Oh, I want to die.
01:11:35I want to die.
01:11:36Please, please.
01:11:37Dickie, control yourself.
01:11:38Let me help you to the couch.
01:11:39No, no, I'm right here.
01:11:41Now, come on, dear.
01:11:42Come on.
01:11:42Oh, Miss, you're a darling.
01:11:44Now, you hurry and get into this and let's get out of here.
01:11:47Oh, here, you can have this, sweetie.
01:11:49I never want to see it again.
01:11:51Oh, merci beaucoup, madame.
01:11:53No.
01:11:53Now, come on.
01:11:53No, I'm, no.
01:11:54Come on, like a good boy.
01:11:55There.
01:11:56Now, everything's all right.
01:11:58All right?
01:12:00Oh, my poor Madeline.
01:12:01No, you're happy, Madeline, dear.
01:12:04Now, tell me just what's troubling you, darling.
01:12:07Oh, you don't know what you're asking.
01:12:09Is it so serious?
01:12:11You know, I could see last night, the moment I saw you, that you weren't yourself.
01:12:16You, you, you could see that?
01:12:18Yes, you were different.
01:12:19Oh, awfully nice, darling.
01:12:20Oh, awfully, awfully nice.
01:12:22But different.
01:12:23Well, uh, how, how different?
01:12:25Well, I've always known you were impulsive.
01:12:28But last night, oh, and in spite of your cold, the way you kissed me.
01:12:34Oh.
01:12:35You feel so badly, sweetheart?
01:12:37Oh, just dying, that's all, just dying.
01:12:39Oh, my poor nervous dicky boy.
01:12:42Perhaps I kept you awake too late.
01:12:44Oh.
01:12:46But then I had so much to tell you.
01:12:47Yes, yes, I suppose you did.
01:12:49You suppose?
01:12:50Don't you remember?
01:12:51No, yeah, oh, the joy of having you back, dear, just a little bit hazy, that's all.
01:12:57Oh, maybe I put too much whiskey in your hot drink.
01:12:59Did you give me a hot drink last night?
01:13:02Of course, darling, after I had you all comfortable and safely covered up.
01:13:06Covered up?
01:13:07Oh, I'm just losing my mind, that's all.
01:13:10Madeline, go ahead.
01:13:12Tell me, tell me what happened.
01:13:14What, what, what did I do?
01:13:16Oh, Dickie, what didn't you do?
01:13:18Oh.
01:13:19You know, I never realized before that you were so versatile.
01:13:24Versatile?
01:13:25Yes, those imitations you gave.
01:13:27Imitations of what?
01:13:28Of all sorts of things.
01:13:30And the jokes you played.
01:13:32Why, Dickie, you are positively skittish.
01:13:34Skittish?
01:13:36Oh, my.
01:13:37Go on, Madeline.
01:13:39Tell me everything.
01:13:40Why, Dickie, you must know as well as I do.
01:13:44What was that lovely little Swiss lullaby you sang?
01:13:47Swiss lullaby.
01:13:51Yes, the one you yodeled to me.
01:13:53Yodeled?
01:13:56Oh, my word, I yodeled.
01:13:58Oh, you must yodel again for me often, now that I know you do it so well.
01:14:04This is the end.
01:14:05What nonsense, darling.
01:14:07Well, I fixed you up last night, and I'll do it again.
01:14:09I'll mix you with bracers, only your Madeline knows how,
01:14:12and then we'll go for a nice long drive in the country.
01:14:14You won't try to work today, will you?
01:14:17Work?
01:14:19After the vaudeville show I gave last night?
01:14:21Oh, no.
01:14:22Now, you must rest.
01:14:23And then, well, don't forget
01:14:24all the lovely things we planned to do today.
01:14:26Oh, dear, dear, dear.
01:14:36Last night, last night, last night.
01:14:46So, you yodeled to her, did you?
01:14:49Well, she liked it, didn't she?
01:14:50I'll say she did.
01:14:52She wants me to yodel again and often, and I can't.
01:14:54Oh, you fiend, you, you, you, you hound.
01:14:57Well, I like that.
01:14:59After all the trouble I took not to give you away.
01:15:01Why, she never for a moment suspected the difference.
01:15:04What?
01:15:05You didn't tell her you weren't home last night.
01:15:07That's a fine question.
01:15:08Well, then everything is all right.
01:15:09All right.
01:15:10I knew just how to handle the situation.
01:15:12I behaved exactly as you would have.
01:15:14You knew how to handle the situation.
01:15:16You knew how to handle the situation by being skittish,
01:15:19by telling her stories, at midnight, just for a start.
01:15:23Well, I have to do something to pass the time
01:15:25you asked me to impersonate you.
01:15:26No excuse for you kissing her, Zero.
01:15:28But I was you.
01:15:29But I'm her husband.
01:15:31Well, so was I.
01:15:33Oh.
01:15:34Put something into my hand.
01:15:39I want to know exactly what happened last night.
01:15:43Well, what do you think?
01:15:45I can't think.
01:15:46I'm going mad.
01:15:48What are you arguing about out there?
01:15:51Vicky?
01:15:52Yes, dear?
01:15:53Shut up.
01:15:54She means me.
01:15:55How do you know?
01:15:56For that, I murder you.
01:15:58Yeah, honey, drink this.
01:15:59It's what made you feel so good last night.
01:16:03I'm going mad.
01:16:05Why?
01:16:06What's happened?
01:16:07Don't you go away from here.
01:16:12Perhaps I better.
01:16:13I think so.
01:16:14You'll excuse me?
01:16:14Oh, yes.
01:16:24Diane!
01:16:27What have you done to her?
01:16:28She's fainted.
01:16:29Fainted?
01:16:34Oh, what's happened?
01:16:35Who is this?
01:16:36That's Vicky's new secretary.
01:16:37Secretary?
01:16:38And who is this?
01:16:39My wife.
01:16:39Your wife?
01:16:40Yes.
01:16:41What was she doing here?
01:16:42Listening.
01:16:42She knows everything.
01:16:44Shh.
01:16:45She's coming, too.
01:16:49Oh, you yodel to her.
01:16:51How long has she been here?
01:16:55Long enough to hear everything.
01:17:03Oh, I'm shooting the wrong man.
01:17:07Poor girl.
01:17:08Well, dear, do you feel any better?
01:17:16I don't know.
01:17:17I haven't made up my mind.
01:17:18Well, I'm glad you've come back because I think it's about time you were told the truth about everything.
01:17:21Yes, that's what I want.
01:17:22The truth and the whole truth about everything.
01:17:31Well, now that we're here, we can talk this thing over calmly.
01:17:34We might as well all sit down.
01:17:35Sit down, dear.
01:17:36I will not sit down.
01:17:37Dickey, sit down.
01:17:39I'm rested now.
01:17:41Richard, I want you to know Mrs. Zero.
01:17:44Mrs. Zero?
01:17:46Your wife?
01:17:47Why, certainly.
01:17:51Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
01:17:54Now, to begin with, is that where you're going?
01:17:57I have been discharged, madame.
01:17:59Discharged?
01:17:59Who discharged you?
01:18:01This lady.
01:18:01I had to.
01:18:02Her French was breaking out something awful.
01:18:04Her French breaking out?
01:18:06Well, if you must know the truth, she became so brazen as to kiss Dickey right in front of me.
01:18:11He told me to, for $50.
01:18:12That is a lie.
01:18:13I did nothing of the kind.
01:18:15If you're all going to tell the truth, I may as well confess.
01:18:18It was I who did it.
01:18:19You?
01:18:20I never saw you before.
01:18:22It was me.
01:18:23Wait a minute.
01:18:24What is this?
01:18:25What is address, madame?
01:18:26Well, I can see its address.
01:18:28Let me look at it.
01:18:30By Madeline, this must be one of yours.
01:18:33I will notify the police.
01:18:36I am going to call an officer.
01:18:38Mother, think of the neighbors.
01:18:40Oh, no, madame.
01:18:41It was given to me.
01:18:42Who gave it to you?
01:18:43This lady.
01:18:44She gave it to you?
01:18:46Oh, that's a good one.
01:18:48Did you not, madame?
01:18:49Why, I never saw it before in my life.
01:18:52Oh, get the girl out of here.
01:18:53What difference does it make?
01:18:54Where has she got it?
01:18:54It doesn't belong to any of you.
01:18:56But why should she insist that you gave it to her?
01:18:58Well, how do I know?
01:19:00That's what I'd like to know.
01:19:01Maybe Andrews can help us.
01:19:02Andrews can do nothing of the kind.
01:19:03Well, there's no harm in asking him.
01:19:05Why ask a dumb person?
01:19:07Now, we'll all hear something.
01:19:08Is your ring, ma'am?
01:19:11Yes, Andrews.
01:19:12Have you ever seen this lady before?
01:19:15Yes, ma'am.
01:19:16Two of her.
01:19:16Two of her?
01:19:17Twice.
01:19:19When and where did you see her?
01:19:23Shall I tell the truth, Mr. Smith?
01:19:25Why, of course, you fool.
01:19:29She called this morning.
01:19:30In fact, I let her in.
01:19:32Well, well, there you are, you see?
01:19:34Somebody had to let her in.
01:19:35Had you ever seen her before that?
01:19:39Yes, last night.
01:19:40And if he asked me, it was the worst night in history.
01:19:44Last night is not for my business.
01:19:46But did not madame come here this morning in this gown?
01:19:49It's something like that.
01:19:50You set?
01:19:51Let me see that dress.
01:19:53Well, monsieur.
01:19:57Why, Diane, this is one of yours.
01:20:01Oh, you little homebody.
01:20:03You weren't home at all last night.
01:20:05No.
01:20:06Who were you out with?
01:20:07Oh.
01:20:08Who were you out with?
01:20:10Oh.
01:20:11Tell me.
01:20:12I was out with him.
01:20:15So?
01:20:19Dickie, you scowl.
01:20:22Why, how perfectly ridiculous.
01:20:23How could I possibly be out with her?
01:20:25Wasn't I locked up with you in that room the whole night long?
01:20:27No.
01:20:29I knew from the very first it wasn't you.
01:20:30Yes.
01:20:32You knew.
01:20:33And yet you let him stay?
01:20:35Oh, oh, oh, you female of a species.
01:20:39And you, you'll pay for this.
01:20:41Wait, wait.
01:20:42Let me explain.
01:20:43Blaine.
01:20:43Blaine.
01:20:44Blaine.
01:20:44Blaine.
01:20:45Blaine.
01:20:45Blaine.
01:20:46Blaine.
01:20:46Blaine.
01:20:50Blaine.
01:20:51Blaine.
01:20:51Blaine.
01:20:52Blaine.
01:20:55Blaine.
01:20:55Don't shoot!
01:20:56Stop him!
01:20:57Stop him!
01:20:58Stop him!
01:20:59Stop him!
01:21:00Stop him!
01:21:01Stop him!
01:21:02Stop him!
01:21:03Stop him!
01:21:04Stop him!
01:21:07The next time he comes around, stop it!
01:21:09Did you hear what he said?
01:21:10Why don't you stop him?
01:21:11Do something!
01:21:12With what?
01:21:13With anything!
01:21:14It's on the egg!
01:21:15Hey!
01:21:16Hey!
01:21:17Hey!
01:21:18Hey!
01:21:19Hey!
01:21:20Hey!
01:21:21Hey!
01:21:22Hey!
01:21:23Hey!
01:21:24Hey!
01:21:25Hey!
01:21:44Now, you'll do some explaining to me, you...
01:21:47and you!
01:21:48Oh!
01:22:01Diane!
01:22:02Diane!
01:22:07Open this door!
01:22:08Oh, Dickie, please, please, let me tell you the truth about last night.
01:22:13What are you doing in there?
01:22:18Come on, you've got to get out of here.
01:22:22Oh, I'm afraid.
01:22:23Well, let me go.
01:22:25Wait a minute, never mind, I'll do it.
01:22:37Diane, if you didn't make it, don't tell me.
01:22:41Did you make it?
01:22:42Yeah, I made it, all right.
01:22:48Oh, no, you don't, no, you don't.
01:22:57Not on me, you don't.
01:22:58You got that 50 bucks?
01:22:59No.
01:23:00Oh, come on, back you go.
01:23:04Did you hear that crash?
01:23:05He's beating her.
01:23:07Courage, Diane.
01:23:08Courage, Diane, Diane.
01:23:11Courage.
01:23:12Hey, you.
01:23:15I'm seeing things again, Diane.
01:23:17Diane, where have you been?
01:23:25Hey, I caught this young lady trying to make a getaway.
01:23:27Uh-huh.
01:23:28Hey, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:23:30She's my fare and she don't get out of here till she comes across.
01:23:34Say, I've been riding this dame around since 12 o'clock last night.
01:23:38I picked her up at the Whoopi Club.
01:23:39And I was with her.
01:23:41Yeah, that's right, you was with her.
01:23:43I let you out at the subway station.
01:23:44Driver, was there a man alone?
01:23:46Yes, ma'am.
01:23:47Your husband.
01:23:48You're fired.
01:23:50Fired.
01:23:50Oh, I remember him.
01:23:53That's the guy that was with him.
01:23:55That's the guy I let out at the union club.
01:23:58And she's been alone ever since?
01:24:01Yes, sir.
01:24:05Oh, thanks.
01:24:06I didn't dare go home.
01:24:08I had to come here for money for the taxi.
01:24:10Oh, you poor kid.
01:24:12You poor kid.
01:24:13Shut up.
01:24:15You don't want a divorce now at all, do you, darling?
01:24:19No.
01:24:20But I do.
01:24:21I'm the only injured party.
01:24:23You let him stay.
01:24:25You let him stay.
01:24:26Of course.
01:24:27I knew the minute I kissed him, he wasn't you.
01:24:29Well, what did you do?
01:24:30Well, as soon as I was positive, I demanded the reason for the impersonation.
01:24:34And I told her.
01:24:35You told her?
01:24:36It was either that or go to jail.
01:24:38Oh, Dickie.
01:24:39It was such a gorgeous chance to cure you of your blooming habit.
01:24:42She went into her room, darling.
01:24:47I locked the connecting door.
01:24:49Yes.
01:24:50And prayed for the best.
01:24:52Oh, sweetheart, if you'll forgive me this time, I promise you I'll never bloom again as long as I live.
01:24:58Well, I'm sure glad I'm not married.
01:25:01Well, thank heaven all my husbands are dead.
01:25:04I really love you, I love you, my, my daddy.