Frasier Season 1 Episode 18 and The Whimper I S
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00:00Like surgery is only a superficial solution it can lift your eyelids but it
00:06can't lift that little cloud of pessimism that hovers over you thank you
00:12for your call okay Ross so who's our next call
00:18Ross perhaps this will be a good time to go to commercial break we'll be right
00:25back after these messages
00:45Frasier
00:48a little disturbing looking in the booth and seeing no one there isn't it I'm sorry
00:54but I was up in the newsroom trying to find out if they've announced the
00:57nominations for the Seabees yet oh I forgot are those coming out today you
01:01forgot they're only the biggest award in Seattle radio well I suppose it's the
01:06difference in our ages but I don't find myself getting excited about not much of
01:13anything anymore congratulations guys yes oh I haven't heard anything I just
01:23congratulating you on doing a great show if anyone deserves a nomination you
01:29guys do
01:31get out no okay catch you later
01:40well I guess I'm a little more excited than I let on
01:48well it'd be a big feather of my cat to win this first year of radio and all that
01:52are you kidding I've been in this business for 10 years I've never produced a show that got nominated for anything
01:59hello oh hi Millie you're kidding you're kidding oh you're kidding that's great thanks bye
02:08we got the nomination no million promotions is getting married damn it
02:13and then she said she'd been seeing someone else she couldn't keep living a lie I was
02:26dumbfounded I mean what about everything we'd gone through together didn't that mean
02:31anything to her how else a patient has a right to change therapists
02:38Frater thank God BB what are you doing here what kind of agent would I be if I
02:46weren't the first to tell you that you've been nominated for a 1994 CB I was nominated I was nominated
02:54well I was
03:01yes you Frasier Crane MD PhD STUD are the man of the hour
03:09BB Glazer Frasier's agent
03:14Dr. Niles Crane Frasier's brother
03:17you're not a psychiatrist too
03:20yes
03:22oh please if I'm ever to have a break done let me have it now
03:29double double B cap to go
03:36so this is uh quite a surprise you know actually I'd uh forgotten that the nominations were even coming out today
03:43oh isn't he precious you must be very proud of Frasier
03:50well actually no
03:52this nomination is just one more signpost on the low road of celebrity which my brother has chosen for himself
03:58hope that's not sibling rivalry rearing its vicious little green snout
04:05absolutely not
04:06I'm still in the minority who believe psychiatry is a noble profession which is tarnished by such things as popularity contests
04:12not to mention the bouncy little radio program
04:16I bet you two had wicked little hair pulling fights when you were tarts
04:21you
04:28yes
04:29this has been delightful but I really must run
04:30I'm due at my sexual addiction group and I don't like to leave them alone for too long
04:34probably
04:35I don't know
04:36it's wonderful
04:37no
04:38no
04:39no
04:41i know
04:42here here
04:42come and sit down
04:44you know I've never really won anything before
04:47although back in prep school the existentialist club once named me most likely to bee
04:55You want to hear the greatest part?
04:59I've already got a date for the ceremony.
05:01Brad McNamara.
05:04The Channel 8 reporter, television's most handsome man.
05:07Yes.
05:09You know, for months he wouldn't give me the time of day,
05:11but one little nomination and he knew who I was.
05:16Who are you?
05:19Ross Doyle, Frasier's producer.
05:21Oh, yes, that's right.
05:23I've seen you bring him coffee.
05:25By the way, would you mind getting mine?
05:30I'd better get myself on the ball here.
05:33I've got a lot to do.
05:35Oh, not really, darling.
05:36I've already got your tux, rented you a limo,
05:38and your tickets will be waiting for you at the door.
05:42Well, it seems the only thing you haven't taken care of
05:45is finding me a date.
05:46Your son will divorce me.
05:48I'd love to.
05:49I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled for you both, but I've got to run.
05:57Two of my other clients weren't nominated,
05:59and I have to go tell them what a worthless award this is.
06:02Daphne, you may not be aware of this,
06:10but there is a special secret to opening a bottle of champagne,
06:16especially a fine French champagne, as unprepossessing as this one.
06:21In order to prevent spillage,
06:27one does not simply twist out the cork.
06:32Instead, one holds the cork stationary,
06:35and then gives the bottle three easy turns.
06:40One.
06:41Oh, God!
06:42Oh, no!
06:43Get some glasses!
06:44Quick!
06:45Oh, oh, my God!
06:46Here.
06:47Oh, my God!
06:49You make me look hurt!
06:55Oh, Lord.
06:59Well, that wasn't too bad.
07:01I believe we've salvaged most of it.
07:03I'd say this calls for a toast.
07:06To my number one son,
07:08congratulations on your first nomination for...
07:12well, anything.
07:16Frazier, I'm proud of you.
07:17Thanks, Dad.
07:19It means a lot to me.
07:20Mmm.
07:21Oh, this champagne is delicious.
07:24Mmm.
07:25It's quite exquisite, isn't it?
07:27Dad, what do you think?
07:29I was in the mood for something domestic.
07:31You know, I must say, Dr. Crane,
07:36it's awfully nice that,
07:38although I'm an employee here,
07:40you include me in all the family celebrations.
07:43Oh, Daphne,
07:44there's never been any doubt that I...
07:46I think of you as my equal in every way.
07:48Oh, I'll get it.
08:05Would you?
08:06Would you like me to announce your visit?
08:08Don't just open the door.
08:11Oh!
08:12Hello, Ross.
08:13Daphne.
08:13Ross!
08:15Congratulations.
08:16Oh, thanks.
08:17You know, I couldn't believe it myself.
08:19Brad McNamara?
08:24Ross, I believe she was referring to your CB nomination.
08:28No, I meant Brad McNamara.
08:32Oh, do you think he wears any pants under that desk?
08:35Not on my TV.
08:38Oh.
08:39Girls, can we just cut out the pajama party, please?
08:46Hello, Mr. C.
08:47Hey, Ross, that's my girlfriend.
08:49Well, she's nominated.
08:52How about a glass of champagne?
08:55Apparently, it's French and unprepossessive.
08:58Oh, Daphne, save your breath.
09:00It could be coming out of a box and Ross would have a glass of it.
09:02You know, I must say, I am so proud of you, Ross, being recognized in a male-dominated industry.
09:13It's one more step forward for working women.
09:17You're a credit to our gender.
09:19Well, thank you, Daphne.
09:22Oh, that reminds me.
09:23Do you have a push-up bra I could borrow?
09:27I'll go look.
09:29Thanks.
09:29Listen, I'm sorry to borrow Jim like this, but I had to show you this, Fraser.
09:39I have a friend over at Broadcast Magazine who sent me a copy.
09:43It's a four-page ad.
09:47Wendy Yashiro wishes to thank the members of the voting committee for her nomination
09:52and hopes they consider her for the award.
09:56Well, this is nothing but shameless self-promotion.
10:01It's a very bad taste.
10:03I know.
10:03What are we going to put in our ad?
10:06Wendy Yashiro's up against you for this award?
10:09Oh, I like her.
10:11She's a cutie.
10:13I'm not suggesting we actually put our own ad in this thing.
10:16Fraser, we're falling behind.
10:18Mike Sanchez has already sent out tapes of his show.
10:21Mike Sanchez?
10:22Oh, I like him.
10:26And who knows what Fletcher Gray is doing.
10:29Fletcher Gray?
10:30Thank you, guys.
10:35Well, all right.
10:37Just as long as it's tasteful and understated.
10:41Great.
10:42I'll call my friend and I'll have him work something up for us.
10:46Oh, wait a minute.
10:47Wait a minute.
10:47If we really want to stand out, why run another boring old ad?
10:51We should do something different, something unique.
10:54Hey, I heard last year's window threw a big cocktail party.
10:58Okay, okay.
10:59We can do that.
11:00But we should do something else.
11:01Something to keep our names in their minds.
11:04You know what I mean?
11:06I know.
11:08Personalized gifts from the new Tiffany's catalog.
11:13Oh, that's good.
11:14That's good.
11:14I saw the most incredible cigarette cases in here.
11:17No, no.
11:17No cigarette cases that sends out a bad message.
11:19Don't you?
11:20Ooh, how about a silver flask?
11:22Oh, we've already got you our vlog, Roz.
11:25Hold on a minute.
11:27Look, I may not know anything about show business,
11:29but when you start sending out gifts to people who can do something for you,
11:33that's called bribery.
11:35It's a simple thank you for a nomination.
11:38Well, I'm glad to hear that.
11:39Because if I had to give somebody a gift to get an award, it's not worth having.
11:44Might as well just go on down to the trophy store and buy one yourself.
11:49I really want that award.
12:08Me too.
12:09Get that catalog.
12:10Oh, it's exciting.
12:28Well, are you coming in or not?
12:31Dad, this is a big moment for me.
12:33I want to drink it in.
12:35Me too.
12:35Where's the bar?
12:36Hey, not so fast.
12:41My shoes are killing me.
12:44I hate these shoes.
12:46I should never have let that sales girl talk me into getting them.
12:49They look real good on you, though.
12:51You think so?
12:53Dr. Craig.
12:54Oh, Bob Peterson, voting committee.
12:56Hi, Bob.
12:57Look, I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight.
13:01Oh, and thanks for the bathrobe.
13:03Oh, nothing, you know.
13:05People get out of the shower.
13:07They're cold.
13:10Hey, Dr. Crane, love the watch.
13:13Oh, thanks.
13:14It was nothing, really.
13:15It's a pretty good likeness of me, though, isn't it?
13:18Oh.
13:19Can we please sit down?
13:22I have got to sit down.
13:25Oh, Daphne, we're at table eight.
13:28This isn't our table.
13:29It is now.
13:30Hey, isn't that Fletcher Gray?
13:34Oh, yes, I believe it is.
13:36Oh, boy, you really got your work cut out for you here.
13:39Let me tell you, that guy's a class act.
13:42I've been listening to him for 20 years.
13:44You know, I don't usually do this, but I'm going to go shake his hand.
13:50Hey, guys.
13:51Oh, Ross.
13:52There's my fellow nominee.
13:54Frasier, those gifts were such a great idea.
13:56Everybody's talking about them.
13:58Did you see the valet parking board?
14:00Half the keychains, there are ours.
14:04Look, Frasier, this is a very big night for me, so please, please don't spoil it by making
14:10fun of who I brought.
14:11I thought you were bringing Brad McNamara.
14:13Well, I was, but he got called out on a story at the last minute.
14:17Some hospital went up in flames.
14:20Do you know anyone who has worse luck than I do?
14:27Hi, Dr. Crane.
14:33No, Shepsky's your date?
14:36Uh, tip, Dr. Crane, if you're ever nominated again, there's a metered parking lot three blocks
14:41away.
14:43They don't check after six.
14:48Oh, here are the car keys so you can drive us home.
14:52I have night blindness.
14:57I wish I did.
15:02Hi, I'm Noel.
15:05Nice to meet you.
15:06Can you rub me things?
15:08Oh, Daphne.
15:11Good evening, everybody.
15:13Oh, hi, Niles.
15:14Listen, thank you so much for coming.
15:16I know how you feel about this award and about coming downtown after dark.
15:21Don't be silly.
15:22You're my brother, and I wouldn't miss a gala affair like this.
15:25Hello, Daphne.
15:26Can you rub me things?
15:27Yes.
15:27Nice.
15:29So, where's Maris?
15:35Well, we were just getting ready to leave the house when Maris caught a glimpse of herself
15:41in the hall mirror.
15:42Niles, at the end of this story, will I roll my eyes?
15:46I did.
15:47Well, then just skip it.
15:48Oh.
15:49Listen.
15:50Give me a scotch, would you?
15:53Boy, that Fletcher Gray, he's aces.
15:57Would you believe he remembered me from 1968?
15:59Yeah, I was working on a murder case he was covering.
16:04He just looked at me and said, hey, you're the guy who found the head.
16:13He's been nominated for this award 11 times, and he's never won it.
16:17Really?
16:19Geez, I didn't know that.
16:20Well, I'm afraid he's just going to have to lose again, right, Dr. Crane?
16:24Well, if he does, you can always cheer him up by sending him something nice from your
16:28little gift shop.
16:32Dr. Crane?
16:34Fletcher Gray.
16:36Been meaning to come over and wish you luck, even though I don't think you need it.
16:41Well, that's very kind of me.
16:42I hardly think I have a chance against you tonight.
16:45You know, I hope you're right.
16:47I'd really love to win at this time.
16:49But 11 losses in a row, it's starting to get a little embarrassing.
16:53Oh, don't be silly.
16:55You'd have to lose 15, 16 times before you can feel the least bit ashamed.
17:00Would you believe that I even considered campaigning for it this year?
17:05You know, sending out gifts, throwing one of those parties.
17:09I bet you'd have something to say on your radio program about someone who's that self-absorbed.
17:15I bet he could do a whole hour of it.
17:17Fletcher, dear, they're starting to serve the salads.
17:23Oh, Mom.
17:25I'm 60 years old and I'm still her little boy.
17:30Dr. Crane, I'd like you to meet my mother, Hannah.
17:32What a pleasure, Hannah.
17:34Nice to meet you.
17:35Mom just flew in from Scottsdale.
17:37This is her 11th year.
17:45I hope he wins at this stuff.
17:49It's getting harder and harder to get on that plane.
17:56Mom, why don't you go back to the table before your legs swell up?
18:00I'll get you another pink lady.
18:05No, no, no, Mom.
18:06Over, over there.
18:11Sorry.
18:12I've been detained.
18:13Oh, dear, Phoebe.
18:15Civilization will not advance one iota until they start putting more toilets in the ladies' room.
18:20Oh, thank you, Niles.
18:25Oh, champagne.
18:30A diet root beer.
18:32But I have to tell you that the buzz in line was that all those lovely gifts you've been sending have really paid off.
18:46It looks like you're in a neck-and-neck race with Fletcher Gray, that wrinkled old war.
18:51Ho, ho, ho.
18:57Hello, Mr. Crane.
18:59You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you.
19:03If I were 20 years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
19:08That's why I keep this cane.
19:15Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
19:17Would everybody please take their seats?
19:20I'm Keith Bishop, and I'd like to welcome you to the 15th annual CB Awards.
19:26Assisting me tonight in handing out the awards is Ms. CB 1994, Tawny Van Dusen.
19:43Mr. Ron, I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable about all the campaigning we did.
19:48Did you know that Fletcher Gray has been nominated 11 times and never won?
19:52He didn't lift a finger to win this thing.
19:54Frasier, don't worry about him.
19:57Besides, he can win it next year.
19:59Before we start this evening's program, I'd like to take this moment to make a very sad announcement.
20:06I just found out moments ago that the dean of Seattle Radio, my mentor Fletcher Gray, will be retiring this year.
20:16Aww.
20:20Take a bow, Fletcher.
20:22Well, we're going to start things off with a bang.
20:33The award for outstanding achievement for informational programming and radio.
20:38That's us.
20:39That's us.
20:41Oops.
20:42Can't see a thing without my glasses.
20:43You know, Fletcher Gray really deserves this award.
20:50If we win, can't we just, like, not accept it?
20:53Listen, Frasier.
20:55I have waited 10 years to get this award, and if I have to crawl over Fletcher Gray's mother to get it, I'll do it.
21:01I'll do it.
21:02I'll do it.
21:03I'll do it.
21:04I'll do it.
21:05I'll do it.
21:06Ros, I've never seen you like this before.
21:10It isn't pretty, is it?
21:11The nominees are Community Forum, Wendy Yashiro Talent, Mike Friedman Producer.
21:21Consumer Update, Mike Sanchez Talent, T.J. Chester Nuevo Producer.
21:28The Frasier Crane Show, Dr. Frasier Crane Talent, Roz Doyle Producer.
21:43Fletcher Gray, From Where I Sit, Fletcher Gray Talent, Fletcher Gray Producer.
21:50Fabulous.
22:00And the Umbro, please.
22:01When we win this thing, they're going to lynch us.
22:04So what?
22:04At least everyone will see my dress.
22:09Well, this is a first.
22:13It seems we have a tie.
22:15Good, we can share it with Fletcher.
22:16I don't want to share it.
22:18I'm already sharing it with you.
22:20And the winners are Wendy Yashiro and Mike Sanchez.
22:26What?
22:27What?
22:28What?
22:44Well, the party's over.
22:46Are you coming home?
22:48No, Dad.
22:49Well, I guess we'll just go on without you.
22:52Fine with me.
22:55Listen, Frazier.
22:58I don't agree with the way you went about it, but I'm still sorry that you lost.
23:02It's never easy to lose.
23:04Thanks, Dad.
23:06Of course, if you were to join some organized sports when you were a kid,
23:09when the lessons of winning and losing could have been learned at an early age, you might...
23:12All right, sorry.
23:14All right, wrong time.
23:16We'll talk about it tomorrow over breakfast.
23:19Okay, Daphne.
23:22Let's get you home and soak your feet in some hot apps and salts.
23:26Oh, I'm the life of a princess.
23:28Don't feel bad, Ross.
23:33It's an honor just to get a nomination.
23:36Will you stop saying that?
23:40Okay, I'm leaving.
23:42Oh, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
23:45I'm just despondent.
23:48No, no, go ahead.
23:53Boss!
23:55No, no, I'm sorry.
23:58I'll see you at work on Monday.
24:00How are you guys doing?
24:08Oh, I've been better.
24:12You know, when you feel this sting of losing, you have to realize that it all boils down to the fact that it's not about awards.
24:30It's not about accolades.
24:33It's about a body of work.
24:35If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say you've done a good job, that's all that matters.
24:44If you can do that, let the awards fall where they may.
24:50Wow, all those nominations, nothing to show for it.
24:59He still walks out of here with his head held high and a smile on his face.
25:08I'm never going to get nominated for a CB again.
25:12Oh, come on, Ross.
25:14I mean it, I'm not.
25:15Oh, no, no.
25:17The world is full of winners and losers, and I'm just a loser.
25:22Oh, now, I wouldn't be with you if you were a loser.
25:27Come on, we're a team.
25:30Look, before we're done, we're going to win lots of these things.
25:34You and I are amigos, compadres.
25:38Okay, now listen, I'm not going to leave your side until I see a little smile on that face.
25:44Oh.
25:44Dr. Crane, I really love your show, and I was just wondering, would you like to have a drink with me?
25:53Oh.
25:54Oh.
26:03Oh.
26:07Do I see the beginning of a little smile?
26:11Oh, go ahead.
26:17Thanks, Ross.
26:19So, uh, it's a very interesting name you have.
26:23You mean Miss CB?
26:25Well, actually, I, uh, yeah.
26:29Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling, tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:42Quite stylish.
26:44And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:47Well, maybe.
26:48But I got you pegged.
26:50Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:52But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:59They're calling again.
27:03Good night, Seattle.
27:04We love you.
27:05Good night.
27:05Good night.
27:07Good night.