Nick Swardson
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01We are so happy he is back in town. It's been a while since he's been here in this studio and we always we know him as gay robot. We love him for that.
00:08Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Swartzen is with us. Good morning, sir.
00:14I'm glad you got my name right and didn't call me Blink 182.
00:18You nailed it.
00:21It's that kind of day, Nick.
00:23It is.
00:24Flooding in the streets at Impressions Ball.
00:26Dear lord.
00:27When did your friendship with Adam Sandler begin?
00:30We met on J-Date.
00:33It was J-Date?
00:34Yeah.
00:37So a mistake ended in a lifelong friendship.
00:40Yes, it was just a lovely turn of events.
00:43It's perfect.
00:45Well, actually, this goes with answering this question.
00:49A lot of people don't even know I do stand-up.
00:51So this generation now, it's funny because they'll come to my show and they're like,
00:55oh my gosh, you're really good at stand-up.
00:57Yeah.
00:58And I was like, yeah, I've been doing like 22 years, which is insane.
01:01And yeah, a lot of people just know me from movies.
01:03So it's kind of a bonus when they're like, oh my gosh.
01:06Yeah, yeah.
01:07You know, it's like Michael Jordan when they go to see him play baseball and they're like,
01:10oh, you play basketball?
01:11Oh my gosh.
01:13This is a whole other aspect.
01:14That's crazy.
01:15Wait, you're the Michael Jordan of comedy?
01:17No, no.
01:18Michael Jordan of baseball.
01:19Yeah.
01:20Yes.
01:21Exactly.
01:22Was Chuck and Larry the first movie you did with Adam or did you do anything before that?
01:26Adam saw my stand-up on Comedy Central.
01:28Okay.
01:29So he was in bed with his wife and he was channel surfing.
01:32And he was like, oh, it's this kid.
01:34And I was a kid at the time.
01:36And he wrote my name down and went to the office and he was like, who is this dude?
01:40And a lot of the younger guys were like, oh, that's this kid, Nick Swartzen.
01:42That was my first special.
01:43And I used to do jokes about my grandmother.
01:46Oh, I love them.
01:47And so he had a script called Grandma's Boy.
01:50And he like called my manager and I had a meeting with him, which was surreal, obviously.
01:55And the whole time I just wanted to be like, yeah.
01:57Yeah.
01:58Yeah.
01:59Yeah.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Yeah.
02:02Yeah.
02:03Yeah.
02:04So I didn't do that.
02:06And that's why I'm still working with him.
02:08There's a scene in that movie.
02:10Michelle Carmen, who's in one of our calendars, is the girl who is across the street.
02:15Moon Balloons?
02:16Moon Balloons.
02:17Yeah, she's from Philly.
02:18She's in one of our calendars, yes.
02:20I remember Sandler called me up and he goes, hey man, I'm doing this movie Chalking Larry
02:24with Kevin James.
02:25And I was like, all right, cool.
02:26And he goes, yeah, it's a part for you.
02:27And I go, okay, great.
02:28And he goes, yeah, you're playing Jessica Biel's brother.
02:31I'm like, that's amazing.
02:32And he goes, yeah, you're a gay brother.
02:34And I was like, I've been doing a lot of gay stuff.
02:37I was on Reno 911 at the time.
02:41Uh-huh.
02:42So I was like four or five years deep in Reno 911.
02:44And he was like, no, dude, it's not like your character Terry on Reno 911.
02:48It's different.
02:49It's not that gay.
02:50And I show up to wardrobe and they put me in like a butterfly outfit with like tiny shorts.
02:56Yes.
02:57And I was like, yeah, this is way different.
03:00Way different.
03:02And then you end up playing in another movie I think is underrated is Blades of Glory.
03:06Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:07And you play the stalker.
03:09Yeah.
03:10Who comes up with the conceit that gets, yeah.
03:13That saved the movie.
03:14Saved the movie, yeah.
03:15But that was another gay character.
03:17It was gay-ish.
03:18Gay-ish.
03:19It wasn't like bursting into flames.
03:22It was just like half my leg was on fire.
03:24I wanted to ask about your fascination with bats because we had seen an interview that
03:29you love bats.
03:30You want to have pet bats or something like that.
03:33What interview is that?
03:34I don't know.
03:35It says here he loves bats, wanted to buy a bat farm in a recent interview.
03:39Did you want to buy-
03:40That's insanity.
03:41That's not you?
03:42That is completely false.
03:43Bats are horrifying.
03:45I want nothing to do with bats.
03:48So who grabbed the piece of information?
03:50Who grabbed the piece of information?
03:51I probably did, but I do a lot of mushrooms.
03:53Who grabbed the piece of information about the bat farm?
03:59I don't know what could possibly have happened there.
04:02In your data sheet.
04:03Bats are literally horrifying.
04:04I remember when I was growing up, I lived in an apartment with my mom and there was a
04:09bat in the house and me and my mom were freaking out and they make a weird high-pitched sound.
04:16They're horrifying.
04:17Unlike anything you've ever heard, they're making their location sound, their echolocation.
04:22You know the second you hear it.
04:24Yeah.
04:25You know the second you hear it.
04:26Yeah.
04:27And me and my mom freaked out and we hid in her bedroom.
04:29We didn't know what to do.
04:30Cause it's like, you know, it's like, do we call the police?
04:33I don't know what to do.
04:34And the bat, they can spit under, like you said, this tiny sliver underneath the door.
04:40That's all they need.
04:41It was like a horror movie.
04:42Yeah.
04:43And it came in and it made this weird sound.
04:44And yeah, I just end up killing my mom and eating it.
04:47Okay.
04:48My cat brought a bat.
04:49My cat brought a bat.
04:50So it's the absolute antithesis of a bat thing.
04:51The love of bats is incorrect then.
04:54All right.
04:55How...
04:56Yeah, I don't know who said that.
04:57You were in Austin for your third time.
04:59He says, why do you keep coming back?
05:00And you said, I love Austin.
05:01I actually looked into buying a place there.
05:03Just like the vibe.
05:04It's creative.
05:05Everyone is super cool.
05:06I love the music.
05:07And you have bats.
05:09I want to move there and buy a bat farm.
05:11Ah, it was a joke.
05:12Yeah.
05:13Yes.
05:14Yeah, I lied to that city.
05:16That was an open lie.
05:18Christine, did you come up with that information?
05:20That's our intern, Christine, by the way.
05:21She tried to go see your show last night but got stuck in traffic and couldn't make it.
05:24She went all the way out there to Bethlehem.
05:26Sorry.
05:27And couldn't make it.
05:28And you got a show in Albany tonight.
05:29I have Albany tonight and then Bregatta tomorrow.
05:32Wow, dude.
05:33DC.
05:34Yeah, I'm on, I think it's like at 35 or 40 cities right now.
05:37I mean, so now besides the flight and you got that stuff all handled, are you a good traveler generally?
05:42Yes.
05:43I mean, but...
05:44I'm pretty easy going.
05:45Okay.
05:46I mean, I have like a tour bus so I don't have to fly a lot.
05:47You have a tour bus?
05:48Okay.
05:49Yeah.
05:50And people think it's like wild, but it's really not.
05:52Like we just go, we go to like Whole Foods.
05:54And then, like I'm trying not to like drink on this tour.
05:57I drank on the last tour and it was just the wheels came off.
06:01Horrendously.
06:02I mean, it was, it was ridiculous.
06:04Do you self-impose?
06:05Because my wife will sometimes do it.
06:06It's just like, and not, she's not an alcoholic or anything.
06:09She just went, I just want to take a month or two and just take a break.
06:11I'll go hard for like five years.
06:14And then I'll take like a month off.
06:17Yeah.
06:18And it really helps.
06:20Sure.
06:21It really helps.
06:22Five years, one month, five years, one month.
06:24It's all about the balance.
06:25Yeah.
06:26You know what I mean?
06:27Great to see you, man.
06:28Thanks for being here.
06:29Yeah, cheers guys.
06:30That is Nick Swardson.
06:31Yeah!
06:32You.
06:38Yeah.