Dave shares the results of a dating survey involving storytellers which makes him wonder how often the famous author Charles Dickens got laid back in the day.
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00:00There is something you can do that'll increase the chances that a woman will date you by 30%.
00:13Send her a dick pic.
00:16No.
00:18No?
00:19That's what's always worked for me.
00:22Your odds get 30% better when you learn how to tell a story.
00:27Oh, storytellers are awesome.
00:31When you're a good storyteller and not a long-winded storyteller, but just a perfect storyteller.
00:37Yeah.
00:37Can't go too long.
00:39Imagine all the crotch taco that Charles Dickens got.
00:42I never imagined a phrase like that.
00:45I've never would have said that sentence before in my life.
00:49In fact, I've never even thought of it.
00:52Charles Dickens.
00:52No, I never imagined how much.
00:54What did he say again?
00:56What was that quote?
00:57Crotch what?
00:58Taco.
00:58Crotch taco.
01:00Dave's looking at his storytelling skills there with that imagery.
01:03Yeah.
01:04Dave was trying to get chicks.
01:06Chow down on.
01:07Imagine for a moment the early turn of the century crotch taco Harry Bush that Charles Dickens was getting.
01:15Dave sits at home.
01:16He's one of the world's most famous storytellers, right?
01:19Dave sits at home.
01:19Well, Dr. Seuss.
01:21What do you think of Dr. Seuss?
01:22Imagine all the sprung wrinkles and dumb wrinkles that Dr. Seuss got.
01:29Charles Dickens, huh?
01:32Dave sits at home and ponders the great writers of the early or late 19th century.
01:40I have started going back and reading some classic books.
01:42Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:44Of course you have.
01:44Just because I thought, well, I must have missed that one.
01:47Yeah.
01:47No, no, come on.
01:49Oh, no.
01:49I want more sentences like that.
01:53Imagine all the crotch taco Charles Dickens got.
01:59What a wordsmith.
02:00I mean, I needed a moment to take that in.
02:02I was like, what did I just hear?
02:04I bet he didn't get any crotch tacos.
02:07No, come on.
02:08I think it works differently for a writer than it does an actual, when you speak the story.
02:14Like, you have to be able to tell the story.
02:15When you write it, it's much different.
02:17Man, that's probably not the case all the time.
02:18But I assume writers can express themselves and tell a good story if they can write.
02:21I don't know.
02:22Charles Dickens, have you seen what this guy looked like?
02:25I don't know if I've ever seen a picture of him.
02:27You think he's getting a lot of, uh, yeah.
02:30Oh, my God.
02:31You know what he's saying?
02:31Yeah.
02:32You're not a prunani?
02:32No.
02:33Dude, did you get his hair?
02:34Oh, my God.
02:36If I go bald, I'm getting that hair.
02:40That's Charles Dickens.
02:41That is.
02:42I had no idea what he looked like.
02:44I didn't either.
02:45Now, my lady, it is time to unsheathe your crotch taco.
02:49Dave, was that written for you?
02:50Did somebody write that and you just read it?
02:52No.
02:52On that story that you have in your hand?
02:55Crotch taco.
02:56Yeah.
02:56That was his wife.
02:57That was the crotch taco he was getting.
02:59He was getting the crotch taco.
03:00Let me see his crotch.
03:02Yeah.
03:03I feel like it was quite.
03:04She had ten kids.
03:06So, he was giving her the Dickens.
03:07Yeah.
03:08He was giving her the Dickens.
03:09Putting the Dickens right to her.
03:10Check that portrait out.
03:12Wow.
03:14It's so funny, too.
03:15I'd have a hard time keeping my hands off of her.
03:18What the Dickens?
03:20Crotch taco.
03:20He tried to leave that fat chick.
03:22He did.
03:24He tried to separate from her.
03:29Oh, sex tales of Charles Dickens.
03:34Who knew we'd go into Charles Dickens' sex life this morning?
03:37After I wrote my final novel, I realized I must bounce on this fat bitch.
03:45I think it would be interesting to find out more about Dickens.
03:49This is the year 1901, and every crotch taco is riddled with civility.
03:54Well, Dave, here's a book you can read.
03:55The Quivering Pen, The Dark Side of Dickens.
04:00He had a dark side.
04:01See, he was badass, that Dickens.
04:03No.
04:05People say what the Dickens for a reason.
04:08They don't say what the Dickens.
04:09Now, no one says what the Dickens.
04:11I've never said what the Dickens in my life.
04:16It was popular in the past, Dave.
04:18I don't think it's used as often nowadays.
04:20I still use it.
04:21What the Dickens.
04:23How play tell will I leave this fat, fat woman?
04:28Oh, yeah.
04:29What the Dickens is all over.
04:30What the Dickens is unconnected with Charles Dickens.
04:33Dickens means the devil.
04:36It's not Charles Dickens.
04:37Oh, I thought it was always about Charles.
04:38It's from Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor.
04:42I can barely hear you, Chuck, with the music loud in the background.
04:46Sorry.
04:48Dickens is a euphemism for devil from Shakespeare's Merry Wives of Windsor.
04:53Act 3, Scene 2.
04:56Let's talk about this crotch taco statement.
05:00Let's break that one down.
05:02Oh, we got that, James.
05:05Let's talk about this crotch taco statement.
05:09I knew that she had both syphilis and gonorrhea.
05:12Because it was 1901 and modern medicine hadn't really caught up to the sexual trend.
05:16When I saw her from across the room, her rotund form made me think of just how glorious her crotch taco would be.
05:26Tell a good story.
05:2830% better chance of getting your own tail.
05:32Yeah, of course.
05:32Mushroom.
05:33Mushroom.
05:33Mushroom.
05:33Mushroom.
05:34Mushroom.
05:35Mushroom.
05:36Mushroom.
05:37Mushroom.
05:38Mushroom.
05:39Mushroom.
05:40Mushroom.
05:41Mushroom.
05:42Mushroom.
05:43Mushroom.
05:44Mushroom.
05:45Mushroom.
05:46Mushroom.
05:47Mushroom.
05:48Mushroom.
05:49Mushroom.
05:50Mushroom.
05:51Mushroom.
05:52Mushroom.
05:53Mushroom.
05:54Mushroom.
05:55Mushroom.
05:56Mushroom.
05:57Mushroom.
05:58Mushroom.